 All right, so one of my students the other day he was wondering how he can stop being the nice guy now This is a common problem that I see with almost all my students and a common problem that I'm seeing with men The problem isn't being nice being a nice person is a good thing if you want to live a good life be nice to people That's how you get friends but There's a lot of things that are associated with being a nice guy like being passive-aggressive Expecting too much in return that leaves you resentful Being boring not going after the things that you want these are all really really unattractive traits and to be honest with you It's not entirely your fault that you're like this Society in my opinion has failed us in a lot of ways and this is one of the biggest areas that it's failed us We're taught to be brought up in school to raise their hands to wait in line We have to ask permission to even go to the freaking bathroom Like that's how bad it is and you grow up in this and so you come become this nice person That's good at following all the rules, but it doesn't make you successful in life Like going after the things that you want having drive all of those things. They're not taught in school You're only taught to get the question right so you have to undo some of this conditioning And the way you do it is this step-by-step process that I'm going to give you right now This is going to teach you how to go from being that nice lame Guy that girls do not find attractive to being a man The first thing that you can start doing right now is start saying no You start saying no to things that guarantee you in life You've probably done things for other people that you didn't want to do you probably said said things that you didn't mean start saying No start saying no to the things that you won't put up with in life The way you do this is have a code of conduct all high value guys have a code of conduct that they go by And if people violate these rules, it doesn't matter who they are whether it's a hot girl or a stranger It's not okay, and you have to write down these rules some of my rules are I respect honesty I don't like it when people are being rude and when someone's like this I don't put up with it start having respect for yourself Then one of the things that I see all the time with guys who perceive themselves as nice is they care more about other people's happiness Then their own happiness start going by your code of conduct start putting yourself first to is stop seeking permission And validation from other people. I know this is another thing that's been conditioned in us We we're always looking for validation from our parents from our teachers or from coaches Well, whoever it is and that's a little bit of that is fine You want to have a little bit of validation, but seeking permission to take action is one of the worst things that you can do It's incredibly unattractive and you know a lot of times the nice guy if they see a girl that they really like They won't go after them because they're scared. They're they're waiting for permission They're waiting for validation before they make a move or do any of that sort of stuff Get that out of your mind start doing the things that you want to do now Tim Ferriss always says that it's usually better to ask for forgiveness Instead of permission. This doesn't work all the time But if you're the nice guy, you need to start doing more of this number three is be prepared for conflict When you start acting like this when you start having a code of conduct when you stop seeking permission Eventually, there's going to be conflict and that's fine life is full of conflict You're going to have it no matter what as nice as you try and be you're still gonna get conflict In fact being nice can lead to even worse conflict Have you ever done a favor for someone because you wanted you didn't want to make them angry But you ended up making somebody else even more angry and now this person is angry at you now You go got to go back to this person who's also angry at you now, too You've made the situation worse by not stamping your foot down. Okay, don't do things because you're trying to avoid conflict I mean this works in life and this works in everything especially when you're talking to girls, you know They're I remember a little bit of time ago I was talking to a girl at the bar and she was really rude to one of my friends and I called her out on it And there was conflict. She did not like that. I called her out on it at first But in the end usually people end up respecting you maybe not in the short term, but in the long term It's definitely happened to me many a time I slept with a lot of girls that I've I was the only guy who actually told them the truth I was the only guy who actually called them out for stuff that they usually don't get called out for They usually get away with stuff with other guys Don't be the guy that they get away with stuff with step four is ask yourself why ask yourself why you're being nice Why are you doing these nice things for people if you're doing it to avoid conflict? If you're doing it because you're scared of confrontation if you're doing it because you expect things in return You really need to reevaluate why you're being nice in the first place Okay, a high value thing to do is to do something nice for someone and not expect anything in return That's true confidence, but if you're insecure you're always expecting people to get you back You always feel like you're being played. This is not the idea of a high value guy A high value guy doesn't worry about that sort of thing So if you're always worrying about being nice to people if you always want something in return If you're always worrying about that sort of stuff, you need to reassess why you're being nice in the first place Ask yourself why five is express yourself more embrace your feelings This is a big thing that men get wrong in today's society, too We're bottle up all of our anger all of our resentment all of the the negative things that we don't want people to see Even our happiness some people don't even want to be happy express yourself more I don't know if you could tell in this video that I'm a pretty expressive person But it takes time to develop to embrace your feelings to actually express yourself to talk more To be more emotional and vocal about these sorts of things with people That's really attractive to women women like it when guys express themselves if you're constantly bottling up your emotions You're not appealing to that emotional side of her and the emotional side is You guessed it the most important part number six is be interesting have an edge to you too often I see guys that are they consider themselves nice and the classic example is a guy who's lame He just follows the directions. He just does what's asked of him. That's a boring dude Nobody wants to read that story. Nobody thinks that guy is interesting You want guys in your life that are that are going out there doing things sometimes causing some mayhem Those are the interesting guys now You don't have to be a dick to do this sort of thing the classic example is Joe Rogan Joe Rogan is one of the nicest people on the planet, but he's also an incredibly interesting person He has incredibly a fascinating opinions about certain things He's a very expressive person as well But he treats all of his guests with the utmost kindness and I think he's an awesome dude all around That's what you got it We've got to be like I think one of the reasons why people are afraid to do this is because they're living in fear They're afraid of the consequences if they express themselves whether it's been in school or whether this is other thing Stop living in fear number seven is kind of related to what I've been talking about this entire time Stop listening to the mainstream media. The mainstream media does not care about you It is not trying to make you successful in life It is it is a system that is designed to get people to obey the system and if you go outside of it It's gonna try and reel you back in so you have to ignore this all the people all the news stories all like the things that are designed to scare you into You know obeying the rules raising your hand waiting in line asking for permission not speaking out against things that are wrong All of these things are designed to keep you within this mainstream system. Okay, now, and this is not some conspiracy theory This is just facts and reality Okay, if you want to go after it you kind of have to avoid a lot of the chatter a lot of the news media all this stuff That's going on Go and do what you know is the truth because you care about yourself and it's your responsibility to make your life The best life it can be I myself I had a I had a lot of trouble with this when I was growing up You know, I grew up, you know, I wasn't successful with women at first So I was always being the nice dude I was getting friendzone all of these sorts of things and it made me very angry So I decided I wasn't gonna be nice anymore and then I was gonna go completely to the other end So I was I started being me I started being nasty to people and it took me years to get over that So you so that eventually I kind of went back and I kind of seesaw eventually I found this happy medium in between where I was both assertive I went after the goals that I wanted I was interesting expressive But at the same time I was kind caring and respectful to other people You don't need to be a dick to be successful with women But you do need to stand up for yourself and stop being that bland lame nice guy And that's what it is. You kind of have to find this balance. You're going to piss people off You're going to step on some toes push your limits If you don't push your limits, you're never going to find out what your limits are And this is the way you do it. Feel free to make mistakes. Fuck up. It's okay It's part of life. There's going to be people that are going to be resistant to you acting like this There's going to be people that are going to try and bring you back to that nice guy because that's how they know you as Keep pushing take their feedback and realize when you've gone too far. That's part of life Once you realize this once you figure it out You're going to conquer insecurities and you're going to achieve true Confidence and that's what I really want from you It's not going to happen overnight, but if you work at it every single day and don't give up It's going to happen then So that's all I got for this that how to kill the nice guy if you like this video You made it to the end consider subscribing if you're looking for coaching I help dudes with this all the time getting over these issues I have drills exercises all that stuff email me at the single guy 2017 and gmail.com if you're interested in that Thanks a lot again you guys. I'll talk to you later