 Today, we're going to talk about behaviors you shouldn't accept from a man. But before we get into this, I want to ask everyone, why do you think women accept bad behavior from men? Think about that for a moment. Have you ever accepted bad behavior from a man and continued on with the relationship? Well, let's dive into a little bit of why, and then we'll jump into those behaviors you definitely want to avoid when it comes to exploring a relationship with a man. But why do women accept bad behavior? I think there's a couple of reasons. First, I think when a woman becomes attached to a man, she becomes bonded to a man. There's this desire to almost double down, and what I mean to say is to hold on, hoping that something will change if the behavior is bad. So she finds herself in a form of what's known as love attachment. If you're not familiar with the book Attached by Amira Levine and Rachel Heller, I highly recommend reading this book. By the way, there's a link below to all the books I recommend and Jonathan recommend books. Love attachment is how we bond with another person based on our childhood upbringing. So if you've become familiar with avoidance, anxious and secure attachment styles, you probably be better prepared to answer this question of why someone might get attached or accept bad behavior from a man. Now the other primary or another prominent reason, excuse me, is because it's familiar to them. It's familiar to them. Now what I mean by familiar, it's family familiar. In other words, there's an aspect of this dynamic with this person that you're with that feels similar to how you might have been raised by one or both of your parents. If you're not familiar with the work of Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt, I recommend getting this book, Getting the Love You Want. It talks about something called the amago, the amago, I-M-A-G-O. Can someone write that in the chat box, amago? What this basically represents is when something is familiar from our childhood, we could attach ourselves to another human being, even if the behavior from this other human being is poor. So here's a couple of the reasons why. I think there's also something critically important I'd like to share with everyone before I dive into those behaviors. I've been working on some new content that I'm going to actually go into a deeper dive tomorrow, but I'd like to share this with everybody because I think women have this capacity, see, men are the gatekeepers of commitment. Let's face it. Men do the asking of marriage, excuse me. Men initiate the dates, typically. So in this capacity, men choose who they want to commit to. Now a woman might choose whom she'll have physical intimacy with. That's where she has more of the power. But these days, physical intimacy happens so quickly in the dating realm that once that's gone and passed, and I feel bad for saying this. I feel like it's inappropriate to say this, but women have given up their power to some degree because it used to be if a man wanted to have sex with a woman he'd have to marry her. That was kind of old in times. Well, that's certainly changed. And not that sex is something that should be held in a power capacity, and certainly everybody is free to be physically intimate with whom they're with. But the bottom line when it comes to romantic relationships, women have the power, if you at least decide, let me say it this way, most men will have sex with a variety of number of women. Women tend to be a little bit more exclusive who they have sex with, so women hold the cards when it comes to sex, and men hold the cards when it comes to commitment. So your job, if you're seeking like a fully committed long-term relationship that leads to partnership, is to vet this man on his capacity to commit. I'm going to say vet this man on his capacity to commit. In fact, that's what I help women with in my private coaching. By the way, there's a link right here to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. It's in the links below. Let's think about a man's capacity to commit. Number one, and I want you to think of this like a scale. You meet a man for the first time on a scale from one to 10, 10 being he wants to get married someday. Where does he fall on the scale of his desire to want to be in a fully committed relationship? See, these days, most men can start in the dating process saying, I'm not looking for anything serious, I just want something casual, I don't want any pressure, and a lot of women say, oh, that's great, or a man might say I want to take it slow, for example, and you're like, oh, that's great. Now that doesn't mean he wants to take it slow on when to have sex. He wants to take it as slow as possible as to when he has to give you some level of commitment. Now the truth is, with most dating today being that it's casual relationships, most people are experiencing, the only level of commitment they have to give is an agreement to monogamy and an agreement to exclusivity. That's right, an agreement to monogamy and agreement to exclusivity. You can break that agreement at any time. In fact, some people agree to it, they're not even adhering to it. Not much of a commitment. Yeah, because that's really the first line of commitment is like, I'm not going to date anyone else, and I promise not to sleep with anyone else. It's a form of commitment, it's a weak form of commitment. I think a stronger form of commitment is when you spend a significant amount of time together, and we're going to talk about that in a second. So first, you have to gauge where does he fit in his desire for commitment? Number two, what's his well-being both physically, emotionally, and most importantly, structurally? Again, I'll talk about this in more detail on another video. But emotionally, where is his emotional well-being in a good place? Is his physical health in a good place? And when I say structurally, I'm talking about the structure of his life. Is he in a good place? And rate that on a scale from one to 10. Next, number three is his desire for you. See, a lot of relationships are hyper-focused on lust and limerence, so they might have high desire in the early stages. But does that translate once you begin to form a relationship with someone? Do they still have that same desire for you? And it's not just physical desire. Do they really desire being with you? Do they like you? That's something to gauge from one to 10. And lastly, his actions. His actions with respects to integrating each other into each other's lives, integrating each individual into each other's lives. How much integration happens? Because these are the four factors you have to consider when it comes to recognizing if a man is worth making the effort. Because again, you might find yourself attached to a man from an unhealthy place, both from the amago or love attachment style, only to feel like you've got used. And then God forbid he operates in one of these five unhealthy behaviors. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know by hitting that like button. Please share this video and please subscribe to my channel. So one of the things I want to draw attention to is the work of the Gottmans. John and Julie Gottman. One of the books written by John Gottman is called The Seven Principles to Making Marriage Work. Now I want you to take out the word marriage and just put serious relationship in here. What's the benefit of reading this book is you can understand the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. But one of the fundamental aspects discussed in this book is the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. These are behaviors that absolutely damage relationships from the long term. I'm going to share this with everyone. And I would like someone to write this in the chat box for me or write it in the comments section if you're watching the replay. This is the work of the Gottmans, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. And it is contempt. I'll repeat that, contempt, criticism, criticism, stonewalling, stonewalling, and defensiveness, defensiveness. Contempt, criticism, stonewalling, and defensiveness. These four behaviors are some of the primary reasons why relationships break down. And they're the primary reason why marriages end in divorce. Contempt, thinking you're better than someone. Criticizing them continually for their behavior or their actions. Stonewalling. That means avoiding having the difficult conversation and then getting defensive when you do try to have significant conversations with someone. Contempt, criticism, stonewalling, and defensiveness. Why did I share this in this podcast or this video? It's because I think it's important to recognize these behaviors early on. And we're going to dive into five shocking behaviors you should never tolerate in a man. Please forgive the word shocking. I thought I'd make the title shocking. But I think once I share these, it'll be rather obvious. So the first behavior you should never tolerate from a man is controlling behavior, controlling behavior. And I think one of the early signs to experience controlling behavior is when a guy pushes to have sex with you. Maybe you've met him for drinks for the first time and he's forcing you or encouraging you to go back to his hotel room when you haven't expressed a desire to become physically intimate with him. That's certainly a person that's trying to manipulate you, get their way or try to control you for their benefit. Just remember in the early stage of dating, most people are operating from their own needs being met and not necessarily from a place of being a giver but being from a place of taker. And certainly those early signs are some things you should be focused on. Does he act in a controlling manner such as I just described a moment ago? Number two, he gas lights you. And gas lighting is when they turn things around, make things your fault, accuse you of things, try to change your perception of the world. They're dismissive of you. They're trying to change the narrative. They turn things around. They say things like you're too sensitive, you're too needy, you're too demanding. Those are just some simple examples of gas lighting. And while it's human beings, listen, most humans aren't narcissists, okay, that are intentionally gas lighting you but this is a behavior that if you see it early on in the dating process, it's only gonna get progressively worse. So start to pay attention to how he communicates to you, particularly if he tries to undermine your perception of the world. And if he's dismissive of you, that's a sign he might be trying to gas light you. Okay, that's number two. Number three, he's verbally or physically abusive. You know, sadly, I think it's obvious that if someone's physically abusive early on, that means run, forest, run. I think when men early on touch women inappropriately, that's a beginning sign that he doesn't respect your boundaries. And I think you should be very mindful of that, be observant of that. Now, again, within reason because some people can be jesting in playfulness and things get misunderstood. But certainly if you feel like a boundary is being crossed from a physical sense, run, forest, run, as Lisa just pointed out. But also verbally abusive, he insults you or he does something called negging, where he, this is back to sarcasm and criticism earlier, but sarcasm insults and negging or being negative towards you. This is a neuro-linguistic programming technique to undermine a person's confidence. And when a person's confidence is undermined, they will tolerate more and more bad behavior. So be mindful and pay attention to these things. Number four, he avoids expressing his feelings and he avoids progressing the relationship. I'm gonna repeat that, he avoids expressing his feelings about you towards you and he avoids progressing the relationship. Listen, if you're a woman who wants a significant relationship where you're in partnership with someone, you're acting in a teammate capacity, then be mindful that you have, there is a, listen, I wanna say it's, we gotta stop fucking giving men a pass here on the timeline. Look, it doesn't listen. I knew within a very short period of time I wanted to invest fully in my partnership, my relationship with Marie. It didn't, men who know what they want go after what they want and they express it very early on. Let me just, let me put this in a box for a second. You've gotta put this pre-sex all the things he says and after-sex all the things he says, okay? What he says to get you into the bedroom, because remember earlier we said you have all the power when you hold all the cards when it comes to sex but men hold the cards with commitment. So be mindful, does he continually progress the relationship after he's been physically intimate with you, if he starts pulling away you shouldn't tolerate that behavior. First, establish, listen, all of you know what I talk about establishing the ground rules. Ground rules is what's your standard for a relationship? Then you lay your cards on the table, you talk about your past relationships to get a sense of who this person is. And most importantly, you adopt what I talk about is radical honesty. And that is speaking from the heart within reason, be transparent if it's material to the relationship, talk about these things and don't let these men off the fucking hook, okay? That's my invitation for all of you. And last but not least, behavior you shouldn't tolerate. He attempts to make you feel bad for seeing the people you love. He attempts to make you feel bad for not wanting to spend time with him. That's a behavior I would never want any of you to accept. You should, a partner should be encouraging you to want to spend time. By the way, women do this as well. The whole narrative where a guy wants to play golf with his friends and she guilts him into spending time with her after he spent every single day of the week for a month and he wants one, I'm just giving an example of how we men feel about that. But when someone guilts you or makes you feel bad for spending time with the people you love, that's a behavior you should never tolerate. And if you can't establish a boundary around that, then I would say this person isn't the right person for you. Is this sinking in, is this resonating? Please let me know. Okay, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Please post a comment below if it did. And if it did, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel, hit that bell and check out all the links below to connect with me whether it's a one-on-one coaching call with me or even my group called Midlife Love Mastery. All right, those that know my format know. It's time for Q&A. If you have a question for me, write the word question and then post the question thereafter or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box. All the monies from a Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there in the obey shirt. It's my son who passed away almost five years ago, actually in two weeks. And it is honor I'm donating to causes like the Hoffman Process Insight Institute and the Seeds of Love, which is an organization for children in Columbia who've been abandoned by their parents because they have a terminal disease. And Marie's cousin is one of the volunteers in that organization. All right, I think it's time to answer questions. All right, let's keep, let's scroll up. I saw something earlier. Katherine wrote, again, write the word question so I can find it or purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. Okay, she writes, was getting to know a man said he's happy to go to my pace, told me how special I am, bought flowers two days after flowers dumped me few days before dinner. Your advice, please, I'm confused. Well, oh, excuse me. I think it's not uncommon for people to change their mind. I don't know how many times when I was feeling lust or limerence for someone, the words that came out of my mouth were sometimes shocking. What I mean to say is how I profess so much affection for a person, not realizing that chemicals were being released from my brain into my body called dopamine. This is the same chemical that's released in our body when we're on crack cocaine, okay? So I'm not surprised someone might have been in this grand space and then two days later changed. That's the why. So how do we shift these narratives? How do we shift to a healthier way to date, mate, and relate? That's a really great question. How do we shift to a healthier way to date, mate, and relate? I think what's critically important to spend maybe a small bit of time on the phone before you connect with someone. I'm a big proponent that, given that probably 60% of people today are meeting through an online connection, I'm a big proponent that the first phone call is the first date. And you have one or two phone calls provided that you live in a proximity of meeting one another relatively quickly. And then you meet one another relatively quickly in a benign kind of date. Something where preferably alcohol isn't involved. That would be ideal. Because then you get to see the person without the, what's the word I'm looking for? The confusion that alcohol does which drops boundaries, okay? But ideally that would be the first type of, not the first date, but the first meeting to be something very benign. Maybe it's lunch, maybe it's a walk. So first phone call, first meeting, something benign, or maybe just one drink after work and try to cap it to an hour. So you're not getting wrapped up into lust or limerence. That would be ideal. Then you meet someone a second time. Preferably in their hometown, preferably to see where they live. Try to find out as much about them. Just remember, everything they tell you in the very beginning is coming from them. So look at their social media footprint. Look at their LinkedIn footprint. Find out as much as you can about this person. If you like this person enough to where you wanna see them a third, fourth, or fifth time. If we can slow the process down a little bit and that's not a guarantee. And by the way, that it's going to work out. And also I've known couples who had sex on the first date and they flourish in relationship. That's not a guarantee as well. What's most important is you find out as much about this person so you can build trust with one another. That's the key component. My suspicion, certainly he can tell you how special he is, he can buy you flowers. But those are just gestures. It's the actions over time that demonstrates the real value he has with you. Is that syncing Catherine? I hope it does. All right, let's keep going here. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Leaves just wants to point out avoidant behavior or someone who wants to date many not one cannot keep stories straight. So saying another is better than getting caught isn't a lie. Easier to say what you want to hear and deflect. Good point. Avoidant personality, avoidant love attachment styles, they fear love. They desperately want love and at the same time they fear love. So they put up walls around them. And what Leaves is suggesting is it's better to stick with one story because the minute you date multiple people, it's hard to keep your story straight and that I can appreciate as well. So Leaves, thank you for sharing that. All right, let's keep going here. Tracy, Trina says, great info, thank you. Trina also says, nice video, thank you so much. Leaves also says, thank you for preparing and live times as well on the list. You're very welcome. All right, Ms. Ashley has a question. Why would a man want to meet your friends but not willing to share his friends with you? He shows an honest interest in your life but doesn't want to share his life. Good question. Now, my first thought was maybe he is embarrassed. That's one possibility. Another possibility is he's married. Doesn't want you to meet his friends because he knows friends would rat him out. Now, when I said earlier, embarrassed, what I mean to say is he might have a past that his friends don't want to necessarily share publicly with you. Maybe his friends will be forthright and say you shouldn't be dating this person. These are a couple examples of what may be happening. When a person is very secretive about their personal life, I would consider that not just a red flag. I'd consider that a glaring red flag. I would not want to get physically intimate with someone if they're not willing to. Listen, at the bottom line is this folks, integration into each other's lives is the only way. Let me repeat this in the microphone. It is the only way to build the deep roots of trust necessary to establish and make it flourish a healthy, happy relationship. To establish it and make it flourish is the integration into each other's lives. I can't believe how many of you find yourself in these situationships or casual relationships, thinking it's a serious relationship. But you know, this is about all you integrate into your lives is this much. You're not doing this much. But Jonathan, I'm supposed to sit back on my feminine energy and the man's supposed to do all the work. Listen, you can play that narrative or you can listen to your big brother here, your uncle here. Look, I wish I could be there for you on a first date. I'd have the shotgun out pointed at the guy's face. Why? Because there needs to be a consequence for bad behavior. There needs to be a consequence for leading someone on. There needs to be a consequence for a man just using you to get his rocks off, to ejaculate inside of you and then move on. So I'm here to say you have to be your own advocate. I heard Marie on the phone earlier with the doctor's office talk about incompetence up the yin yang. And she had to make call after call after call. She had to be her own advocate because no one's gonna advocate for you. You have to advocate for yourself and this presumption that men are gonna advocate for you. That, I mean, this whole provider protector, men are such provider protectors. And that's why they're supposed to pay for dates and do everything because that's who they are instinctually. If these guys were such great protectors, why aren't they protecting you from an emotional perspective? You know, a real gentleman puts the other person's needs above their own. So I went on a rant and I forgot how I got here. So recognize that you've got to put your needs. Now, I mean, you have to be mindful of establishing your standards and your boundaries because you don't know if this guy's legit or not, okay? And just remember, if he's trying, most guys listen and I am guilty of him when I'm allowed to say sex is on my brain on every first date. I have said more repeatedly, the shit that's come out of my mouth to try to get laid. Oh my God, professing love, professing care, professing all this stuff. Only to realize that once those chemicals were gone, I'm like, why don't I like this person anymore? You have to be your own advocate. Is this sinking and is this resonating? Please let me know and please thank you for accepting my rant. I was just going off for a moment. Phyllis wants to know an interesting question. Why men ghost women? Simply put, it is easier to avoid saying, I'm no longer interested in you than actually saying the words, I'm not interested in you or I don't feel like we're a good match. It's easier to do nothing than to speak up because there is this fear you might hurt someone in the process. Excuse me for slurping, not realizing that by not saying someone, you're hurting them. I remember once when I was in my 20s, I ghosted someone, oh, what a chicken shit I was. This is before cell phones and everything. But this woman, this girl, I had an answering machine and she left me a bunch of message. I was just too chicken shit to say, I'm just not that into you anymore. I admit it, I was chicken shit. And I've done it as an adult. I mean, as a more seasoned adult after my divorce. Actually, I don't think I've ever ghosted anyone. I do what's called the dysfunctional moonwalk, the dysfunctional moonwalk. Trademark Jonathan Asley, someone right in the box, dysfunctional moonwalk. What the dysfunctional moonwalk is simply this, I would express how fucked up my life was. So they would say, oh, Jonathan, you know what, the timing isn't right for us. You go take care of yourself. I call that the dysfunctional moonwalk. You know, most men are experiencing some level of dysfunctionality anyway. It's kind of like, it's not you, it's me kind of thing. That was my method. I would lay on how bad the divorce was, how I was dealing with issues with my children. I came up with the excuses because I was too fearful to say, I'm just not that into you. And sometimes you can't quantify feelings. You know, sexual feelings, I am such a powerful force, but emotional feelings is such a different energy. And you can feel sexual energy for a woman and have no emotional connection with that person. A lot of men can experience this. You didn't listen, you ladies know this about men. So stop being naive to it and then stop being, you know, criticizing us for it when we do it. Anyway, that's my two cents. All right, Zengal writes, I've had several failed relationships and unfortunately working through trust issues. Is it okay to ask him to share text messages from his ex with me? We committed sexual, we committed sexually couple, thank you. I don't think it's appropriate to share private conversations with another person, with the person I'm dating. I mean, if you're talking about past conversations, if you are actually in a relationship with someone right now and you're physically in a relationship with them and they're communicating with their ex, well, first we have to establish is it an ex-spouse and do they have children with the next spouse? I can, listen, I have a child, I have children with my ex, we communicate on a regular basis with each other about our son, but sometimes we communicate with each other because we're also friendly to one another. We have 30 plus years of history with one another. So now if it's an ex-girlfriend, I would say, you certainly, I think if it's past communications, you have no right to it. If it's a current relationship and they're communicating, I would simply ask what have you been communicating with each other and simply make a request, would you be open to sharing the text messages? If they say no, then what do they have to hide? Like if I, by the way, when I communicate with my ex-wife or my ex-girlfriend on occasion, I'm very forthright. If Marie asked me for it, I'd have no problem with it because I got nothing to hide. So again, I wouldn't want to ask for past prior to our relationship, but if we're in a committed relationship with each other and you need to feel a sense of security with this person, well, hopefully they're not habitually communicating with an ex. If they are, then there might be some question and concern there, but I think it's okay to ask. If someone's got nothing to hide, then what's the big deal? Dengal, I hope that answers your question. That's my two cents on that one. Gigi writes, real estate agents are saying, Mary the house, wait, real estate agents are saying, Mary the house date the rate, meaning love and commitment to the house, but use the rate temporarily until something better comes along. I'm sorry, Gigi, I don't, wait, I'm gonna read the second part. I ripped the agent who said, it telling him it was insulting. Single people are not temporary and disposable. I'm sorry, Gigi, I don't understand the question you're asking. So that one just didn't make sense to me. So thank you for writing it. I just don't know what you mean. So thank you so much. All right, Catherine writes, excuse me for slurping. Men are put off if women request STD tests before, are men put off? I think a man who simply is a player and wants to get laid, I'd say nine out of 10 will be put off. I think some players will do it because it's like no big deal to them. I think an emotionally healthy man, emotionally secure man isn't going to be put off by it. Certainly if the, you know, listen, I remember dating a woman, she asked for an STD test. Took me about a week to get in to see my doctor in a couple of days after that to get the results. So within 10 days, we had it. We showed each other and we had sex that day. We dated for about six weeks. She just wasn't right for me. And unfortunately, well actually she picked a fight with me and she broke up with me. So it made it easier for me because she decided to end the relationship. But yes, I think STD tests are only emotionally unhealthy men, men who are dysfunctional, who aren't really serious are probably gonna be annoyed with that or put off. Okay, great question. Sharon says, good point, Jonathan, thank you so much. All right, let's keep going here. Everyone says this is resonating with them. Oh yes, the dysfunctional moonwalk. Thank you so much for posting that. I appreciate it. All right, let's keep going here. Oh, I don't say, okay, here's Catherine up again. Is meetup a good way to meet healthy relationship minded men? I'm really fatigued by the dating apps. Yeah, meetup groups are one of the many places you can meet people. I'd say dance groups are another great place. Church could be another place. We're going to play pickleball this weekend. Pickleball is a big hot rage right now. Lots of men and women are getting involved with that. That's another good activity to be involved, to meet people. Don't think of it from a dating perspective. Think of it just from a meeting people perspective. If you put too much pressure on meeting a life mate there, you're going to drive yourself crazy. Also, personal development workshops and trainings. I went to a Tony Robbins one and there was 5,000 people there. And I got to tell you there were more men than there were women. Although you're doing a lot of work during these events, but those are some of the places I would recommend to going out to meet people. I hope that helps. Elaine writes, is it possible that a guy would ghost you because he thinks that you are still interested in or seeing your ex in between seeing him? Is it, it was asked prior to me being ghosted? Yeah, I would certainly think that a man might feel a sense of a lack of interest on your part or maybe that you have interest in someone else. And you know, when I think of ghosting, I think a lot of times ghosting gets misinterpreted. If you're in a relationship with someone, you're having sex with someone and all of a sudden you stop communicating, that's ghosting. If you've gone on one, two or three dates and you go, you know what, I don't feel like asking them out ever again. Since men are the one that do the asking out on dates, that to me is not ghosting, that's just a choice not to ask someone out on a date. Now, quite frankly, the woman could pick up the phone and say, hey, Jonathan, I was just wondering if you'd like to go out drinks tonight, my treat. And then if he says, hey, I've had a change of heart, well, now you have closure. See, keep in mind ghosting only happens in the sense of when you're been in a relationship with someone, you're being physically intimate and then they disengage. When a guy doesn't ask you on a date, that's all it is, he didn't ask you on a date, but did you ask him out on a date? See, if you didn't make that effort, it ain't ghosting, it's just he chose not to wanna see you again. And by the way, you might be surprised, sometimes women reach out to men and it turns out he was waiting for you to make a little bit of effort, so he knew you were legit. So anyway, that's a great question. Thanks so much for asking. Let's see, this Nigerian girl says, how to make a guy I've been dating for six months realize that texting about important relationship issues isn't good, he says he disagrees and doesn't want to meet or call about it. All right, here's your chance to be an empowered woman to stop texting, to stop texting. If he wants to physically see you, he's gonna have to pick up the phone, call you and physically meet you. See, I wonder, when you say you've been dating, I really wonder, are you in a cyber relationship? I'm gonna go on a rant for a moment, ladies, but I gotta tell you something. You women are fucking stupid. I there, I said it, you're stupid. Men are stupid too, okay? I can't believe how stupid people are to engage in six months of cyber communication. And I'm just making an assumption here, Nigerian girl. So it's quite possible this isn't your dynamic, but I've heard what I'm about to share with you 10,000 times in 10,001. Folks, it's a cyber relationship when all of your communication is via text messaging, okay? That's a cyber relationship. It's not a real relationship, it's a cyber relationship. It's called artificial intimacy. And I gotta tell you, so many of you women are suckling on the fucking nipple of artificial intimacy. And then you wonder why you're heartbroken and you wonder why you're bitter and jaded. You are doing it to yourselves. You gotta stop this incessant communication. Folks, human beings have to stop this incessant communication via text messaging. You either do it FaceTime or you do it face to face. That's how you build intimacy with someone. You cannot do it over a text message. And if it is, it's artificial, it's fake. It's like fake news, it's fake. Okay, I'm sorry, I'm getting riled up, but I hear this so many times and I just wanna, my head wants to explode at the stupidity of human beings. Please forgive me. I'm sorry if I've insulted anyone, but I there, I said it, stupidity. All right. Holly says, I can't stand text message. It's artificial. Catherine says, thanks, Jonathan. I appreciate that. Texting is a bad form of communication, I agree. By the way, my thumbs do a terrible job of texting. Nigerian girl says, also I told him I will not continue to text about things that I wanna talk, meet or talk on the phone. Okay, and if he doesn't do it, guess what? There's a four letter word you can adopt. It's called N-E-X-T, N-E-X-T, N-E-X-T. Next, next, next, next, next. Move on. You are wasting your fucking time. And as N-H says, it's an imaginary relationship, exactly. All right, Leafs jumps in the house. Jonathan, will you please give your text, or wait, give your text to call to meeting formula? Oh, okay. All right, I have a simple formula, folks. It's called three, two, one, three. Someone write that in the chat box. Three, slash two, slash one, slash three, three, two, one, three. Okay, if you've connected with someone through an online dating portal, you have three text or email exchanges between that period of time. You should basically end up with one to two phone calls. After one or two phone calls, a date should be planned and all of this happens in a three week period of time. Three, two, one, here, there we go. Lisa put it up for us, three, two, one, three. Three text message exchange should lead to one to two phone calls, which should lead to one date all in a three week period. But Jonathan, I'm communicating with someone who lives 1,000 miles away. We won't be able to meet for ages. We're just gonna text each other incessantly, and we're gonna fall madly in love with each other, and then he's gonna bail on me, and I'm gonna be so disappointed. Ah! I gotta watch my blood pressure. There we go. Zengal says, hope your blood pressure's okay. Folks, stop being stupid. What was it in the movie, 40 year old virgin? They go to the sex, or the, I don't know, that clinic, and this one man says, how do I tell my daughter to stop being so stupid? Folks, you gotta stop it. I'm just yelling at you, just hopefully to get your attention. All right, let's see what other questions we have. Gorgie Girl says, oh my God, I love it when Jonathan is riled up. Thanks so much. Phyllis says, I like to meet in person. Yes, that's the only way you get to kiss is to meet in person. Zengal goes on to write, should we watch you with other significant other? Oh, I love this question. So I gotta tell you something. I've been coaching a lot of women who are in relationship and one of the things that they're requesting is I speak to their partner and it's being received very well by the men. Some men just want an advocate, like, look, I'm the client's advocate first and foremost, but I'm also recognized that I'm a bridge between two people. So coming back to your question, Zengal, I know so many women are now watching my videos with their partner and talking about the intricacies of it. Instead of these surface conversations, how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. Folks, if you wanna have more meaningful intimacy with your partner, then it's time to have deeper conversations with them. So I invite you, I'm gonna read you my favorite meme, one of my favorite memes. I hate small talk. I wanna talk about atoms, death, alien, sex, magic, intellect, the meaning of life, far away galaxies, music that makes you feel different, memories, the lies you've told, your flaws, your favorite scent, your childhood, what keeps you up at night, your insecurity and fears. I like people with depth who speak with emotion from a twisted mind. I don't wanna know, what's up? What's up, what's up? By the way, type in Google right now, I hate small talk meme. I hate small talk meme. Someone write that down for me right there. I hate small talk meme. Okay, coming back to your question about watching my video. My video is so chuckful of, chuckful of, isn't there a coffee called chuckful of nuts or something like that? Chuckful of content to have interesting conversations. You can go down all these different rabbit holes with the content that I create for people. Lisa, thank you. I hate small talk meme. You can Google that, okay? I invite you to start having these deeper conversations instead of these stupid fucking conversations. How's your day going? Oh, I had a good day. Oh, that's good. How was your day? I had a good day. What are you doing today? I'm not doing much. What are you doing today? Not much. Okay, I miss you. Heart emoji, kiss emoji, love you, bye. You know, you guys are fucking pathetic. You can't have real serious, yes, you can't have serious conversations with texts. Okay, let me be. In the very early stage of dating, well, first off, Marie hates text messaging. But I've had some conversations with women that sometimes it's a little bit, it feels a little bit safer to have deep conversations while you're in the getting to know you via text because it gives you time to process things. I get that, okay? But once you're in a relationship, you shouldn't be processing big stuff over text messages. So going back to Nigeria girl, no, you don't process big stuff over a text message. So much can be lost. Did you know that folks, Google the following, 80 to 90% of all communication is nonverbal. What that means is written text only communicates a small portion. You need the person's hand gestures, their tone, they're visually seeing them, their pheromones, their breath, their BO, all of this is part of communication. And you can't effectively communicate with your thumbs and I do it, oh my God. So I watched Marie text someone one day. It was painful to watch her go like this. Right, let me pull up a text. Here's my keyboard. H-L, wait, H-E-L-L-O, dot, dot, dot. I mean, it was like painful to watch her, excuse my spitting, okay? And then I realized why she doesn't like texting. She's just terrible, like she doesn't use her thumbs and I watched her daughter, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, my son, blah, blah, blah, blah, like this, you know? We baby boomers, we weren't designed to do this. And by the way, for you Gen Xers and Gen Zs, or excuse me, millennials and Gen Zs, you guys are setting yourself up so for such a disastrous relationship because all you do is create artificial intimacy. All right, I'm done ranting. Lisa goes on to say, Maria's super smart. I agree. Nigerian girl wants to just remind us all that I told him I prefer to talk in person and feel his presence when he shares important things. It feels cheap to text emotional stuff. Well, it's good you told him that but you know what Nigerian girl? I'm gonna call you out. I think you're too chicken to end this relationship. I really do. I think you're hooked on him for whatever reason, love attachment, amago, whatever it is. And you're gonna hold out that he's not gonna meet your needs. You're not gonna be happy. And then he'll be a couple of years down the road and you'll be going, God, I wish I fucking listened to Jonathan when he said, N-E-X-T, next. All right, let's see, let's see. Oh, I do apologize for something. Elena said Nigerian girl said they do see each other in person. My apologies, okay. I'm making assumptions based on limited information. All right. Oh, Zengal wants to remind everyone to hit that like button right now. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. Please tell your friends. Please check out all the links below to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Do we have any more questions? Hey, you know, we're gonna do something. I wonder if I can do this. If someone wants to jump on right now, here's the link, put this in your browser. We're gonna see, I'm gonna do a little test. Whoever does it first, copy and paste that link. Whoever wants to talk to me directly right now to be live, click, cut and paste that link, put it in your browser and connect with me right now. By the way, you're gonna need a camera. Oh shoot, I do have to unplug the microphone if you do do this. So if you're like, ah, you know what? We'll do it another time. I gotta remember, I gotta cut out the microphone to do this. Anyways, you know what? I think if you, I'm gonna take one more question before we wrap up. I'll take one more question before we wrap up. If you have a question, post it in the comment section or listen, if you found value today, please purchase a super sticker, super chat or a super thanks. I'd really appreciate that to give to the Connor Asley fund. By the way, Lee Switzer mind everyone, it's easier to hit the thumbs up button at the beginning of this video, I agree. Bridget says, thank you so much. All right, we got time for one more question. I wanna see if a good question comes in, something. All right, you know what? I think this will be a great place to wrap up for today. We got a little bashful group. We don't have any questions coming. Oh, all right, Camille popped in. This will be our last one for the evening. Why people do not listen to their instinct or gut feeling? When a man is into you, he is pursuing you and try to get you no matter what. When a man ghosts you, he's not into you at all. You know, I think there's a good point here. See, I think a lot of women confuse their head with their heart, okay? Your gut, your heart actually is telling you to run, forest, run. It's the ego. It's the unhealthy ego that needs validation, that needs reassurance is why a lot of times people confuse their head with their heart. Trust me, when you're experiencing a no, that's usually your heart speaking to you trying to protect your heart. It's your ego that needs some level of reassurance from another human being because you've given your power away. That's the way I perceive things. Why don't people listen? Because their head is, it's like the angel and the devil right here talking inside of you and it's hard to figure this shit out. You've got to learn to listen to your heart and your heart is the one telling you to go, not your head, okay? All right, Lacey writes, how to deal with a guy that talks about his ex a lot. You know, when someone's made an impact in your life, it's hard to let that go. Whether it's a man or a woman, it's hard to let that go. You have to evaluate your relationship on its own merits and you have to be a little bit of a detective. Is that talking about the ex is because he's angry, he's bitter, he's jaded or he wants to get back with her. If any of those are popping up, it's not something you deal with, it's something you walk away from. Just remember, that's a person who hasn't healed their past relationship so that is still charged for them. There is a residue from that past relationship and I don't think you're entitled to absorb the residue of someone's past until they've healed it. Lacey, is that sinking in? Is that resonating? I hope it does. Mary wants to say thank you for all your help and I have most of your books. Well, I'm glad to hear that. All right, I have time for another question. J-F-D-R-I-E, question. He spends most of his time with his family, lives 40 miles away. Both of us are in our 70s. There's no affection or anything else that helps us financially. I'm stuck in this mess. I'm sorry to hear you've got that, it's very common for people in their 70s to wanna spend time with their family, a significant time because they feel safe, okay? There's no affection that means that he's not that into you. He's probably seek some level of companionship with you but he helps financially. And I suspect you appreciate that help financially. That's his love language most likely. He's not affectionate, he's an active service person. But just remember, someone who lives 40 miles away, by the way, I'm a late baby boomer. I can't stand driving. I can't imagine what it's gonna be like in 10 or 15 years when I'm in my 70s. I don't wanna drive. That's just a reality of things. So I'd rather spend time close to the people I love than get into a car. It doesn't mean he doesn't value you. He certainly has some affection for you because he helps financially because that's his love language. But it sounds like the two of you are not having deeper conversations about where's this relationship headed? Ladies, start getting the balls to say where the fuck is this relationship going? What are we doing here in my book? Oh, I forgot to mention my book earlier. What the heck is self love anyway? A journey of personal development, self open spiritual work. Chapter one, speak your tooth, do it with kindness. Chapter nine, if it's sincere and from the heart, can't say the wrong thing to the right person. Start speaking up. Take that duct tape off your mouth. All right, you know what folks? Did you find value tonight? Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. Please hit that notification bell. All the links below in the show notes in the first comment, how to connect with me in a variety of different ways. I hope you, if you have something to share, post a comment below as well. I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrig of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone. Pat, a teddy bear pillow. You give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Sharon and Badgal Jody and Julie and Lisa and Marion Zengal and Leafs and Badgal Jody, wait, Badgal Jody. Did we already say that? Mirna and Mary and Holly and JF-D-R-I-E. Phyllis, Julie, Lacey, Camille, Bridget, Miss Ashley's in the house, Holly Z, Zengal, N.H. Libra, Gigi, everyone, thanks so much. Be well, take care, bye now.