 Chapter 11 of Lady Sibyl's Choice. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Rita Butros. Lady Sibyl's Choice, A Tale of the Crusades by Emily S. Holt. Chapter 11, The Calm Before the Storm. It was but unity of place which made me dream I ranked with him. Tennyson. Here we are safe in the holy city after a hurried and most uncomfortable journey. All the quiet is assuredly gone now, for the holy city is full of tumult, cries and marchings and musters and clashing of arms from morning till night. Lady Judith, looking as calm as ever, received us with a blessing and a soft glad light in her eyes, which told that she was pleased to have us back. The patriarch and the master of the temple have not yet arrived. Guy thinks they may tarry at Acre with Count Raymond and come on in his train. The Lord Declifford has come from England by way of Jaffa with the answer of King Henry the Father. It seems that the patriarch actually took with him the keys of the holy city and the blessed sepulcher. I am astonished that Count Raymond should have entrusted them to him. More than this, they traveled by way of Rome and through their wicked misrepresentations obtained letters from the Holy Father, urging King Henry to take on himself this charge. King Henry was holding court at Reading when they came to him and the patriarch says he was moved to tears at their account of the miserable state of the holy land. Well, I am not going to deny the misery, but I do say it is Count Raymond's fault and that if matters had been left in Guy's hands, they would never have come to this path. King Henry, however, would not give his answer at once, but bade them wait till he had convoked his great council, which sat at Clerkenwell on the 18th of March in last year. The decision of the parliament was that in the interests of England the offer ought to be refused. Well, said Guy, as a mere question of political wisdom, that is doubtless right, for apart from the pleasure of God it would be the ruin of England to have the holy land clinging round her neck like a millstone. Yet, remember, Lord Robert the Courthouse never prospered after he had refused this crown of the world. He impiously blew out the taper which had been lighted by miracle and think what his end was. But dost thou think, my Lord, asked Lady Sibyl looking up, that he meant it impiously? I have always thought his words so beautiful that he was not worthy to wear a crown of gold in the place where our Lord had worn for us the crown of thorns. Very beautiful lady, said Guy a little dryly, if he had not heard just before the conference of the death of his brother King William the Red. Well, when King Henry gave his answer what did the patriarch but ask that one of his sons might be substituted and Guy thinks he specially indicated the count of Poitot, Guy says there are great possibilities in our young count, but Amore sneers at the idea. However, the king and the parliament alike declined to accept in the name of any of the princes seeing none of themselves were present and the patriarch had to content himself with a promise of aid alone. King Henry took him in his train to Normandy and after celebrating the holy Easter at Rouen they had an interview with the French king at Vaudrule. Both the king's promised help swearing on the souls of each other and many nobles both French and English took the holy cross. It is hoped that the king of France and the count of Poitot may lead an army hither in a few months. If we can manage to conclude a truce meanwhile and they do not come here to find us all slaughtered or prisoners to the pine nymph says Guy, great bodies move slowly and kings and armies are of that description. Saladin has taken Neapolis. Our scouts bring us word that he is ravaging and burning all the land as he marches and he has turned towards the holy city. Almost any morning we may be awoke from sleep with his dreadful magic engine sounding in our ears. Holy Mary and all the saints pray to the good God for his poor servants. And not a word comes from the regent for several messengers Guy has sent by as many different routes in the hope that at least one of them may reach Acre earnestly urging him to send instructions. We do not even know the condition of matters at Acre. The king and the regent may themselves be prisoners. Oh, what is to be done? Guy says that whatever may become of him the kingdom must not be lost and if ten days more pass without news of the regent he will parley with Saladin and if possible conclude a truce on his own responsibility. I feel so afraid for Guy. I believe if Count Raymond could find a handle he would destroy him without mercy. Guy himself seems to perceive that the responsibility he is ready to assume involves serious peril. Nevertheless, my lady's inheritance must not be lost, he says. I asked Lady Judith this morning if she were not dreadfully frightened of Saladin. They say he eats Christian children and sometimes maidens when the children run short. If I felt no alarm I should scarcely be a woman, Helena, said she, but I took my fear to the Lord as King David did. What time I am afraid, he says, I will trust in thee and I had my answer last night. Oh, said I, what was it if it please you holy mother? She lifted her head with a light in the gray eyes. I am, I am thy comforter, no whom thou art afraid of a dying man and of a son of men who wither like grass and thou forgettest God thy maker, the maker of the heaven and foundation layer of the earth and furest ever, every day, the face of the fury of thine oppressor. And now where is the fury of thine oppressor? Did the good God speak to you in vision, holy mother? No, Helena, he spoke to me as he does to thee in his word. I thought it would have been a great deal more satisfactory if she had been told in vision. But how do you know, holy mother, I ventured to say that words written in holy scripture ever so long ago have something to do with you now? God's word is living my child, she said. It is not like all other books a dead book. His word, who is alive forevermore, endureth forever. Moreover, there is a special promise that the Holy Spirit shall bring God's words to the remembrance of his servants as they need. And when they come from him, they come living and with power. Then you think, holy mother, that the painim will be driven back? I do not say that, my child, but I think that the God who turned back Sennacherib is alive yet, and the angel who smote the camp of the Assyrians can do it again if his Lord command him. And if not, no real mischief, Helena, no real harm can happen to him or her who abideth under the shadow of God. But we might be killed, holy mother. We might, she said, so quietly that I looked at her in amazement. Holy mother, I exclaimed. Thou dost not understand our Lord's words, Helena, and they shall kill some of you, and a hair from the head of you shall not be lost. Indeed, I do not, said I bluntly, and I cannot make thee do so, she added gently. God must do it. But why does he not do it? Have I not asked him over and over again to make me understand? I suppose something is in the way and something which is my fault. But how am I to get rid of it when I do not even know what it is? The ten days are over, and no word comes from the regent. Guy has assumed as vice regent the command of the holy city. Of course he is the person to do it as Lady Sibyl's husband. Our scouts report that Saladin is marching through the pass of Gerizim. Guy has sent out a trumpeter with a suitable armed escort to sound a parley and invite the pine him to meet with him and arrange for a truce at Labona. Until the trumpeter returns we do not know whether this effort will succeed. Lady Sibyl, I can see, is excessively anxious and very uneasy lest if Guy go to parley with Saladin the wicked pine him should use some treachery towards him. It is God's will, she said, but I saw tears in her sweet eyes. The battle and the toil and the triumph for the men, the waiting and weeping and praying for the women. Perhaps in their way the humble Bedis women do God's will as much as the warrior knights. The trumpeter returned last night with a message from Saladin almost worthy of a Christian knight. It seems very strange that pine him should be capable of courtesy. Saladin is willing to conclude a truce and will meet Guy at Labona to do so, but it is to be for six months only and Guy says the terms are somewhat hard. However, it is the best thing he can do and as the regent maintains his obstinance silence something must be done. So far as our envoys could learn the pine him army has not been near Acre and only crossed the Jordan some 30 miles lower down. It appears clear therefore that the regent might have answered if he would. Guy and Emery set out yesterday morning for Labona to meet Saladin. It is two or three days journey from the Holy City and allowing three days more for a conference. It must be 10 days at least air they can return. I wonder about the house and can settle to nothing. Lady Sybil sits at work but I believe she weeps more than she works. Esheen's embroidery grows quietly. I have discovered that she carries her heart out of sight. We were talking this morning. I hardly know how the subject came up about selfishness. Lady Isabel said with a toss of her head that she was sure no reasonable being could call her selfish. Now I could not agree with her for I have always thought her very much so. Lady Judith quietly asked her in what she thought selfishness consisted. In being stingy and miserly of course said she. Well but stingy of what? responded Lady Judith. I think people make a great mistake when they restrict selfishness merely to being miserly with money. I should say that the man is unselfish who will give willingly that which he counts precious. But that means very different things to different people. I wonder what it means to us five said I. Lady Judith looked round with a smile. I almost think I could tell you said she. Oh do we all said but Lady Isabel. Well to me answered Lady Judith. It means submitting because someone wishes it who has a right to my submission or else as a matter of Christian love to do anything in a way which I think inferior absurd or not calculated to effect the end proposed. In other words my ruling sin is self satisfaction. We all exclaimed against this conclusion but she maintained that it was so. Then she continued to Sibyl. It means depriving herself of her Lord's society either for his advantage or for that of someone else. Lady Sibyl smiled and blushed. Then my ruling sin she said interrogatively. Nay I did not undertake to draw that inference in any case but my own said Lady Judith with an answering smile. We all except Lady Isabel begged that she would do it for us. She seemed I thought to assent rather reluctantly. You will not like it said she and if you drew the inference for yourselves you would be more likely to attend to the lesson conveyed. Oh but we might do it wrong I said. Lady Judith laughed am I then so infallible that I cannot do it wrong said she. Well Sibyl my dear if thou would snow. I think thy tendency I do not say thy passion but thy tendency is to idolatry. Oh cried Lady Sibyl looking quite distressed. But now misunderstand me not pursued Lady Judith. Love is not necessarily idolatry when we love the creature more than the Creator when for instance thou shalt care more to please thy Lord than only it is idolatry therefore I use the word tendency. I trust it is not more with thee. Well then with Isabel Lady Isabel gave a toss of her head a gesture to which she is very much addicted. With Isabel continued Lady Judith unselfishness would take the form of resigning her own ease or pleasure to suit the convenience of another. Her temptation therefore is to indolence and self-pleasing. With Helena I pricked up my ears. What was I going to hear? With Helena said she smiling on me it would be I think to fulfill some duty though those whom she loved might misunderstand her and think her silly for it. Then what is my besetting sin Holy Mother? Pride of intellect I think she answered very nearly the same as my own. Holy Mother you have left out dame as sheen said Lady Isabel rather sharply. Have I said Lady Judith? Well my children you must ask the Lord wherein as sheen's selfishness lies for I cannot tell. I dare not deny its existence I believe all sinners have it in some form only in this case I cannot detect it. As sheen looked up with an expression of utter amazement Holy Mother she exclaimed it seemed to me as you went on that I had every one of those you mentioned. Lady Judith's smile was very expressive. Dear child she said these are not my words blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of the heavens. Does she think as sheen the best of us all is she dear me I never should have thought it. Well said Lady Isabel with a sort of snort and another toss I am quite sure that I have not one of those faults you mentioned. Ah my child responded Lady Judith take heed of the Pharisee spirit as sheen what would thou say was thy besetting sin. I really cannot tell I have so many answered as sheen modestly but I sometimes think that it may be perhaps a want of meekness and patience. I stared at her in astonishment. Well thank the saints I am in no want of patience said Lady Isabel and if anyone knew all I have to try it I turned and looked at her if possible in astonishment still greater. Really how very very little people do know themselves. If there be a patient creature in this world it is a sheen and if there be an impatient one it is Lady Isabel. I wonder whether I know myself I do not think I should have set myself down as proud of my intellect but we Lusignans always have had brains except Amory he has stepped out of the ranks and I don't like people to disagree with me and contradict me nor to behave as if they thought I had no sense that is true enough. I suppose I must be proud and yet it cannot be wrong to know that one has brains what is pride where does the knowledge end and the sin begin. Oh dear how is one ever to know if two and two would only make four in everything or is it that one makes mistakes oneself in the adding up. Lady Judith asked me this morning if I was vexed with her yesterday for what she said of me oh no I answered at once but I did not know that I was proud of my intellect I think I knew that I was proud of my rank thou art right there my child she said yet I fear the pride of intellect is more likely to harm thee just because thou art less conscious of it Holy Mother said I do you think my sister as sheen the best of us we human creatures Helena are poor judges of each other if thou would snow so far as I am able to judge I think the two holiest persons in all this palace are as sheen and thine old Margarita better than Lady Sybil I cried I do not undervalue Sybil she is good and true and I believe she does earnestly desire to serve God but it seems to me that the most Christ-like spirit I know is not Sybil but as sheen I must think about it and study as sheen I certainly made a sad mistake when I thought there was nothing in her but the holiest person in the house that seems very strange to me I believe now that what I took for absence of feeling is a mixture of great humility and profound self-control but the quearest thing is that I think she really loves amory and how any creature can love amory is a puzzle to me no being with an atom of brains can look up to him and how can you love one whom you cannot respect besides which he evidently despises as sheen I believe he does all women and he scolds and snubs her from morning to night for everything she does or does not do such treatment as that would wear my love in holes if it were possible for me ever to feel any for such an animal as amory if I were as sheen I should be anxious to get as far away from him as I could and should be delighted when he relieved me of his company yet I do think as sheen really misses him and will be honestly glad when he comes back it is very unaccountable our anxieties are all turned to rejoicing at once Guy and amory returned last night having concluded a six month's truce with Saladin and as sheen had the pleasure I am sure she felt it a very great one when amory entered her chamber of placing in her arms the boy for whom he had so fervently longed who was born three days before they came back little hugus amory says that must be his name seems as fine a child as hallowees and as likely to live amory was about as pleased as it is in his nature to be but he always seems to have his eyes fixed on the warm wood of life rather than the honey thou hast shown some sense at last he said and as sheen received this very doubtful commendation as if it had been the most delightful compliment then amory turned round and snapped at me because I could not help laughing at his absurdity I asked Marguerite this evening what she thought was her chief fault ha the good god knows she said it is very difficult to tell which of one's faults is the worst but what does thou think said I well she answered I think that my chief fault is with all deference the same as that of my demoiselle and that is pride only that we are proud of different things and of what art thou proud Marguerite asked I laughingly but rather struck to find she had hit on the same failing in me as lady Judith ha my demoiselle may well ask and I cannot tell her what is or has an old villain woman ignorant and foolish to provoke pride I only know it is there it does not fasten on one thing more than another but there it is and pride is a very subtle sin if it please my demoiselle if I had nothing in the world to be proud of but that I was the ugliest woman in it I believe I could be proud of that I laughed well and wherein lies my pride Marguerite said I wishful to see whether she all together agreed with lady Judith can I see into the inmost heart of my demoiselle it is like a shut up coffer this human heart I can only look on the outside I but on the outside I see two things my demoiselle is noble and she is clever and she knows both which is the worst Marguerite ha both are bad enough to make pride but this I think that even a king can never fancy himself so noble as the good God yet a good many of us think ourselves quite as wise oh Marguerite who could think that does my demoiselle herself never think that she could arrange matters better than the good God is ordering them what is that but to say in our hearts I am the wiser it is very queer how Lady Judith and Marguerite always do think alike Marguerite who would thou say was the holiest woman in this house the answer was unhesitating I do not know I can only guess but if my demoiselle wishes me to guess the noble lady Judith and Dame Esheen how very odd when I asked thee once before Marguerite thou didst not mention Esheen at all let my demoiselle pardon me I did not know enough of her then and she is not one to know in a minute some are like an open book quickly read and others are like a book in a strange tongue of which one knows but little and they have to be spelt out and some again are like a locked book which you cannot read at all without the key Dame Esheen if my demoiselle pleases is the book in the strange tongue but the book is very good and quite worth the trouble to learn it where didst thou find such a comparison Marguerite thou canst not read I know but I can see others do it and what kind of book am I Marguerite my demoiselle is wide wide open and the lady Sibyl asked I feeling much amused usually open but she can't turn the key if she will I was rather surprised and count guy quite as wide open as my demoiselle then where dost thou find thy locked book Marguerite I was still more astonished at the answer if my demoiselle pleases the lady Isabel oh Marguerite I think she is quite easy to read I am mistaken said Marguerite with quiet persistence if my demoiselle has yet read one page of that volume now I should have called the regent a locked book said I hardly if my demoiselle pleases there is a loose leaf which peeps out well that romance is not a pleasant one said I pleasant ha no but it is long and one cannot see the end of the story before one comes to it at last a letter has come from the regent it is quite different to what I expected he approves of all that guy has done and more he actually thanks him for acting so promptly are we misjudging the man the king is in good health and the regent thinks he will very shortly do well to return to the holy city as soon as the autumn rains are well over the lady countess he says is suffering greatly and he fears the damp weather increases her melody he speaks quite feelingly about it as though he really loved her early this morning was born dear lady Sibyl's second baby still like Agnes a little frail thing and still a daughter but guy seems just as pleased with his child as if it were a healthy boy he is so different from Amory both guy and lady Sibyl wish the infant to bear my name so this evening the patriarch is to christen her Helena thus placing her under the safe protection of the blessed Saint Helena mother of the Lord Constantine the Emperor and also of the Holy Queen of Adiabene who bestowed such toil and money on the holy shrines as if to show that joys as well as misfortunes do not come single this afternoon arrived a courier with letters from Lucignan one from Monsignor to Guy another from Raoul to Amory and one from Alex for me all are well thanked the saints and Alex has now three children of whom two are boys Raoul is about to make a grand match with one of the richest heiresses in Normandy the lady Alex Countess of Eew little valence Guyot's elder child has been betrothed to the young Senor de Parthenet I am rather surprised that Guyot did not look higher especially after Guy's marriage and Raoul's Guy asked me today when I meant to be married oh please Guy don't talk about it said I I would so much rather not does that mean to be a nun then asked he I think he hardly expected it well said I if I must I must but I want to know why I could not go on living quietly without either one of the original notions of the Damoiselle de Lucignan said he because my eccentric Elaine nobody ever does but why does nobody said I and why should not I begin it everything must begin some time and with somebody but Guy seemed so much amused that I did not pursue the topic please thyself said he when he had finished laughing but why dost thou prefer single life for various reasons said I for one I like to have my own way well now women are queer folks said Guy oh my most rational sister will thou not have to obey thine Abbas and how much better will that be than obeying thine husband it will be better in two respects I answered in the first place and Abbas is a woman and would therefore be more reasonable than a man and in oh dear I did not understand that said Guy I am rather ignorant and stupid thou art said I in the second I should try as soon as possible to be an Abbas myself my best wishes attend thy speedy promotion most holy mother said Guy bowing low but laughing I perceive I was very stupid but thou ceased I really did not know that women were such extremely reasonable beings I fancied that just now and then there were slightly unreasonable Guy give over said I but can I not wait a while must I decide at once of course not if that be thy wish said Guy but thou art past the usual age for profession then I shall be all the more likely to receive promotion quickly I replied fairest of nuns here is my sword said Guy kneeling and offering me the hilt I surrender myself a vanquished prisoner to thy superior wisdom so the matter passed off in a good laugh now that the truces concluded all is peaceful and happy it is so nice after the tumult and suspense and anxiety to have nothing to think of but what robe one shall wear to this feast and how one shall arrange one's jewels for that dance I wish it would last forever if only one did not get tired even of pleasant things when they have gone on for a while if one could get hold of some pleasure of which one never got tired I want to introduce our national dance of Poitot the minuet I have taught it to Lady Isabel and two or three of the damsels in waiting and Peret and Bert Rudd will help Lady Isabel admires it very much she says it is a grand stately dance and fit for a princess it seems very odd to me that the ladies of this country look upon it as beneath them to superintend the cooking and leave it all to their servants how strange it would be if we did that in Poitot they order what is to be done but they never put their own hands to the work I know what Alex would look like if I told her the first banquet was to have been on Monday but it is an unlucky day as the moon will be in opposition to Mars so it had to be deferred we heard yesterday that the Countess of Edessa actually gave a banquet last week on a vigil and what should she do but invite just enough to make thirteen I suppose she never thought about either she is the most thoughtless woman I ever saw Messir de Montluc was one of the guests and when he perceived the calamity he feigned to bleed at the nose and asked leave to retire I suppose he did not wish to run the risk of dying within a year and a day how can people be so careless why it is almost as bad as murder End of Chapter 11 Chapter 12 of Lady Sybil's Choice This is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Rita Butros Lady Sybil's Choice A Tale of the Crusades by Emily S. Holt Chapter 12 Will she give him up? El Mina We can bear all things Gonzalez Can ye bear disgrace? Zemina We were not born for this Felicia Hemans I suppose it is only about thirty hours yet it looks as if it might be as many weeks since I sat in the bower with Lady Judith broodering a mantle of Cremoisy for Lady Sybil We were talking of different things carrying on no special train of conversation Lady Sybil had been with us but a few minutes before Guy had called her into the hall to assist in receiving a messenger just arrived with letters from the regent Something which Lady Judith said amused me and I was making a playful reply when all at once there broke on us from the hall such a bitter welling cry as instantly told us that something terrible must have happened the mantle was dropped upon the rushes and Lady Judith and I were both in the hall in an instant the messenger, a young knight stood at the further side of the dais where were Guy and Lady Sybil she had apparently fainted or was very near it and he was holding her in his arms and endeavoring to whisper comfort oh what is the matter broke from me as my eyes sought first Guy and then the messenger Guy did not answer I am not sure that he heard me it was the young knight who replied Damoiselle if it please your nobility our young Lord Baudouan the King has been commanded to the Lord I never wished I was not noble until that moment had I been a villain he would have told me without considering the pleasure of my nobility and I should have been out of suspense one second sooner Lady Judith's one thought seemed to be for the poor mother who was utterly overcome by the sudden news of her first born's death she actually opened the casement with her own hands though there were plenty of damsels and squires in the hull whom she might have called to do it one she sent for water and sprinkled a few drops on Lady Sybil's face and treating her to drink some wine which a squire brought in haste she appeared to swallow with difficulty but it seemed to revive her and her voice came back oh my boy my boy she cried piteously and I was not there it was not in my arms he died my first born my darling I was not there I that seemed to the climax of her misery she was not there I was very very sorry both for her and for the child but another thought soon darted into my brain and it was too hard for me to solve who was the king of Jerusalem now when I thought it meet I whispered the question to Guy he made me no answer in words but his quick downward glance at the golden head still bowed upon his arm told me what he thought and all at once the full significance of that death flashed upon me Lady Sybil was the queen of the world and might have to do battle for her glorious heritage there was no doubt concerning the right only two remained of the house of Anjou and there could be no question as to whether the elder or younger sister should succeed Lady Sybil's right had been originally set aside and now it had come back to her in an instant I saw as by a flash of lightning that the idea had occurred to others for the squire had offered the wine upon the knee but the regent would he acquiesce meekly in a change which would drive him back in all insignificance and restore Guy to his place of supreme honor Lady Sybil is no child but a woman of full age there might in a man's eyes be an excuse in putting her aside for her son but there could be none for her sister or her daughter it was not for some hours that I saw the regent's letter not till Lady Sybil's bitter wailing had died down to peace and we were able to turn our eyes from the past to the future then Guy showed it me I was astonished at the quiet matter-of-fact way in which Count Raymond recognized Lady Sybil's right and deferred to Guy as the person to decide upon everything I asked Lady Judith this morning what she thought it meant was this man better than we had supposed had we been unjust to him? I cannot tell yet Helena she said but I think we shall know now very soon it either bodes great good to Sybil or else most serious mischief he says no word about his Lady Countess I suggested no said Lady Judith I should have liked it better if he had done then what can we do I asked wait and pray responded she wait oh dear me it is always waiting I detest it why can't things happen they will lump and get done with themselves Count Raymond for I must give over calling him the regent and dear me I must learn to call Lady Sybil the queen as soon as she is crowned however shall I do it Count Raymond says in the end of his letter that he will reach the holy city if it please the saints about ten days hence with the coffin of the young Lord King that he may be laid with his fathers in the pulchre so I suppose for these ten days we shall know nothing I would scratch them out of the calendar if I had pumice stone of the right quality and yet it comes over me though I do hate to think it suppose these ten days should be the last days of peace which we are to know holy mother how can you wait to know things I asked Lady Judith how can't thou say I must said I but as to doing it patiently it is easier to wait patiently than impatiently my child oh holy mother cried I it is she gently persisted but that patience Helena is only to be had from God but can you help longing to know said I rebelliously and feverishly thirsting to know I can but it is only in God's strength certainly I cannot help feeling that I shall be relieved when his time is come I should be more or less than woman if I could but how said I do you keep yourself patient he keeps me patient Helena I cannot keep myself he knows he is at the helm he will guide me to the haven where I would be ah my child thou hast yet to learn what that meaneth he giveth quietness who shall then condemn indeed I have and I do not know how to begin we have been very busy after all during the terrible interval and it hardly seems ten days since the news came all the morning robes were to be made of sackcloth how rough and coarse it is one need to be a villain to stand it and the hoods of cloth and the cypress I never remember being in mourning before amory's poor little baby was born and died in one day and I did hope then that I should never need it again it is so abominable to wear such stuff and how it smells and to have it lay aside one's gloves just like a bourgeois Count Raymond is expected tonight I did not properly guess what a dreadful scene it would be when the coffin was born into the hall by four nights and laid down on the dais and the lid opened and the unbombed body of the fair child brought to view clad in the cowl of the holy brethren of Saint Benedict which was put on him just before he died the holy patriarch I suppose he is holy being a patriarch held the holy censor which he swung to and fro by the head of the coffin the royal chaplain at his side bore the benetier from which each of us coming forward took the asperge and sprinkled the still face with holy water it was Lady Sybil's turn last of course but she, the poor mother broke down utterly and dropped the asperge and if Guy had not sprung forward and caught her I think she would have fainted and fallen on the coffin of her child oh, it was terrible later in the evening there was a family council at which Count Raymond suggested and Guy said it was an excellent idea that Lady Sybil should convene a council of all the nobles when her title should be solemnly recognized and no room be left for any dissension about it in future the council therefore will meet on Midsummer Day next and at the same time it will be decided what to do after the truce with Saladin has expired I tapped at Lady Judith's door as I went up to bed well holy mother said I when I was inside and the door shut what think you now of the Count of Tripoli what think is thou Helena answered she truly I hardly know what to think I said he speaks fair I she said he speaks fair I thought I detected the slightest possible emphasis on the verb I think you mean something holy mother said I bluntly Helena when the Lord Count was proposing the convention of the council and all that was to follow and Count Guy assented and said he thought it a good idea did thou happen to look at Count Raymond's face no holy mother I did not I did and at the instant when Count Guy assented to his proposal I caught one triumphant flash in his eyes from that hour I was certain he meant mischief my heart fell fell what sort of mischief I asked fearfully the Lord knoweth quietly said she and the Lord reigneth Helena wonderful are the raging of the sea wonderful in the heights is the Lord and that seems to comfort her I wish it would comfort me the council is holding it sitting and so serious are its deliberations considered that only one woman beside Lady Sybil herself is permitted to attend it of course it was not meet she should be without any lady or damsel but she chose Lady Judith with a pretty little apology to me lest I should fancy myself slighted Lady Judith is old and very wise she said I should like her to hear the deliberations of the nobles that I may have if need be the benefit of her council afterwards I suppose it is the swearing of allegiance that takes such a long time they have been four hours already Sir God have mercy upon me I never dreamed of the anguish that was in store for me I do not know how to bear it O fair Father Jesu Christ by the memory of thine own cross and passion help me if it be only to live through it I wondered why when the council broke up Lady Sybil shut herself up and refused to admit anyone and Guy was nowhere to be found I felt a vague sort of uneasiness but no more till a soft hand was laid upon my shoulder and I looked up in Lady Judith's face and then in an instant the vague uneasiness changed to acute terror her look was one of such deep overwhelming compassion that I knew at once she had that to tell me which she justly feared might break my heart what I gasped come here with me she said and she took me into her own cell and barred the door Helena, dear child there is something to tell thee which thou wilt find very bitter and thy brother and Sybil think best that I should tell it go on if you please Holy Mother anything but suspense the council of nobles she said or agreed to admit Sybil's right and to pay their homage to her as queen if she on her part will accept one condition dictated by them but if she refuse the condition they refuse the allegiance and will raise against her the banner of Isabel who was called into the council and declared herself ready to accept it and the condition that she shall divorce Count Guy and wed with one of themselves it seemed to me as though my head went round but my heart stood still and then a cry broke from me which was a mixture of fear and indignation and disdain and cruel cruel anguish Sybil to divorce Guy our sweet-eyed silver-voiced Sybil whom we so loved to divorce my Guy my king of men to be willing to do it to purchase her fair proud inheritance at the price of the heart which loved her and which she loved my heart and brain alike cried out impossible was I dreaming this thing could not be should not be Holy Saints let me wake and know it it is not possible I shrieked she will not she cannot did she not say so her first words said Lady Judith were utterly and indignantly to refuse compliance well and then then several of the nobles pressed it upon her endeavoring to show her the advantages to be derived from the divorce advantages I cried to the country dear said Lady Judith gently but for four hours she held out no word was to be rung from her but I could not dream of such a thing then Lady said the Lord Count of Edessa you can no longer be our Queen and did that sway her I cried indignantly nothing seemed to sway her till Count Guy rose himself and though with faltering lips earnestly entreated her ascent then she gave way so far as to promise to consider the question that was like Guy if he thought it for her good I am sure he would urge it upon her though it broke his own heart but for her to give way then holy mother tell me she will not do it I cried she has locked herself up to think and pray said Lady Judith but it is well to know the worst at once I think she will Helena holy mother you must have gone mad I did not mean to be rude I was only in too great agony to see anything but itself and Lady Judith seemed to understand who proposed it I demanded ah I knew what the answer would be Count Raymond of Tripoli well he cannot be the one she wed said I grinding my teeth he can Helena the Countess has been dead these four months he says he wrote to tell us and his letter must have miscarried and is Satan to have it all his own way I cried no assuredly dear child Christ is stronger than he holy mother can you see one speck of light in this thick and horrible darkness I never see but one light in any darkness she said God is light and darkness in him there is none at all dear Helena will thou not put thine hand in his and let him lead thee to the light could the good God not have prevented all this I wailed perhaps not for thy sake she said softly oh she will not she will not I moaned holy mother tell me she never will I cannot dear on the contrary I think she will I never could have believed it of Lady Sybil Lady Judith made no reply but I thought the expression of pain deepened in her face dear Helena was her gentle answer sometimes we misunderstand our friends and very often we misunderstand our father she tried to comfort me but I was past comfort I was past food, sleep, everything I went to bed it was a miserable relief to get away from the daylight but I could not sleep and no tears would come only one exceeding bitter cry help me Jesu Christ would he help me what had I ever been to him or done for him that he should he had shed his life blood on the holy rude for me and I had barely ever so much as thanked him for it I had never cared about him where was the good of asking him yet I must cry to him for who else was there of course there were Mary mother and the holy saints but oh I hope it was not wicked it seemed as if in my agony I went all aside and went straight up to him to whom all prayer must come at last help me Jesu Christ where was Guy feeling in his darkened chamber as if his heart were breaking where was Sybil awake perhaps with a lighted lamp wrestling between the one love of her heart and the pride of life and where was God did he hear me would he hear my life as if I must have help help me Jesu Christ I have no help I can do nothing I can even think of nothing I can bear no more help me not because I deserve help but because I want thee and the darkness went on and the quiet beats of the water clock and the low musical cry of the watchmen outside and the clang of arms as they changed guard but no holy angel came down from heaven to tell me that my prayer was heard and that it should be to me even as I would was there no help was there no hope was there no God in heaven oh it cannot cannot be that she will decide against him yet Lady Judith thinks she will I cannot imagine why our own sweet Sybil to whom he has seemed like she will never never give him up End of Chapter 12 Chapter 13 of Lady Sybil's Choice This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by April 6090 California United States of America Lady Sybil's Choice A Tale of the Crusades by Emily S. Hope Waiting for the Inevitable Oh! Hard to watch the shorelights and yet no signal make Hardest to him the back on love For love's own blessed sake For me the darkness rises but not for me the light I breast the water's heaving foam for love of love to night She has given him up my guy, my hero my king of men Oh! I could never have believed it One short month ago if all the prophets and wise women and holy monks in Palestine had come in a body and told me this thing I should have laughed them to scorn I should have thought the dead would rise first Ah! This is not our Sybil who has played this part The Sybil whom I loved next to Guy himself has vanished into nothingness and in her steed has come a creature who speaks with her voice cold, calculating, false It was again Lady Judith who told me I thought I was prepared for this but I found that I was not by the crushing pain which struck me I knew that I had not really believed it would be thus that I had clung like a drowning man to the rope which failed me in this extremity that I had honestly thought that the God to whom I had cried all night long would have come That Sybil should fail was bitterness enough but what was I to do when Christ failed me? Either he could not hear at all or he would not hear me and I did not see that it was of much consequence which it was since so far as I was concerned both came to the same thing The comfort Lady Judith tried to offer me sounded like cruel mockery even the soft pressure of her hand upon my head grasped my heart like a file Poor dear child she said it is so hard to walk in the dark If the Lord have marked thee for his own as by the strivings of his spirit with thee I trust he has how sorry he must be for thee just now Sorry then why did he do it When I am sorry for one I love I do not give him bitter pain I felt as if I should sink and die If I did not get relief by pouring out my heart I broke from Lady Judith she tried in vain to stop me and I dashed into Lady Sybil's chamber Queen her villain it was all one to me then I was far past any considerations of that sort If she had ordered me to be instantly beheaded I should not have thought it signified a straw I found her seated on the settle in the window Oh how white and worn and weary she looked the dark rings were round her eyes worn by pain and weeping and watching through that dreadful night but I heeded not the signs of her woe she deserved them guys wrong burned in my heart and consumed everything but itself she rose hastily when she saw me and a faint flush came to her white cheek a Helena she spoke in a hesitating tone as if she scarcely knew what to say she might well tremble before guys sister what a strange thing it is that when our hearts are specially run with distress our eyes seem opened to notice all sorts of insignificant minutia which we should never see at another time or should never remember if we did see them I perceived that one of the buttons of Lady Sybil's robe had caught her shadow lane and that a bow of ribbon on her super tunic was coming loose may it please your grace I said and I heard a heart metallic ring in my own voice have I heard the truth just now from Lady Judith what house thou heard Helena I did not spare her for the crushing clasp of her hands for the slight quiver of the underlet let her suffer had she not wronged my guy I have heard that your grace means to give way before the vulgar clamor of your inferiors and to repudiate your wedded lord at their dictation no I would not spare her as much as one adjective she pressed her lips closed and a sort of shutter went over her from head to foot but she said in a calm even voice like a child repeating some formal lesson thou hast heard the truth if she would have warmed into anger and have resented my words I think I might have kept more within bounds but she was as cold as ice and it infuriated me and you call yourself a Christian and a Catholic cried I raising my voice the Lord knoweth was her cool answer the Lord look upon it and avenge us I cried do you know how I loved you next to my love for Guy himself better than I loved any other save you too in earth or heaven you was it you I loved my sister Sybil loved Guy and would have died rather than sacrifice him to a mob of Parvenu nobles she is gone and you are come in her steed the saints know how you are not the Sybil whom I loved but a stranger a cold calculating politic false-hearted woman heartless, ungenerous, faithless false I sweep you out of my heart this day as if you had never entered it you are false to Guy and false to Guy I will never never never forgive you from this hour you are no more to me than the meanest Panim adulteress whom I would think scorn to touch I do not know whence my words came but they poured out of me like the rain in a tempest I noted without one spark of relenting the shudder which shook her again from head to foot when I named Guy the trembling of lits and eyes the pitiful appealing look no I would not spare one atom of misery to the woman who had broken my Guy's heart perhaps I was half mad I do not know when I stopped at last she only said it must look so to thee but trust me Helena trust you lady Sybil how to trust you have I not trusted you these four years before I knew you for what you are and you say trust me hear her holy saints I when I have done trusting the scorpions of this land and the wolves of my own trust me I will trust you she rose and came to me holding out both hands with a lookapidious appeal in those fair grey eyes that I used to love so much I know she said I know thou must think so yet trust me Helena I broke from her own fled I felt as if I could not bear to touch her to look at her another moment to my own chamber I ran casting myself on the bed I buried my face in the pillow and lay there motionless I did not weep my eyes were dry and hard as stones I did not pray there was no good in it without God without hope there was nothing but crushing agony and a sense of cruel wrong I think in that hour I was as near hell as I could be and live it was thus that Marguerite found me I heard her enter the room I heard the half exclamation instantly checked which came to her lips I heard her move quietly about the chamber arranging various little things and at last come and stand beside my bed Damoiselle I turned just enough to let her see my face Is Satan tempting my Damoiselle very hard just now? What made her ask that question? No Marguerite I said sitting up and pushing the hair off my forehead God is very very cruel to me Let my Damoiselle hush there cried the old woman in a tone of positive pain No, no, never She does not mean to cut her old nurse to the heart who loves her so dearly but she will do it if she says such things of the gracious Lord Now Marguerite, listen to me I thought something was going to happen which would bring my heart to its very core All night long I lay awake praying and crying to God to stay it and he has not heard me he has let it happen knowing what it would be to me and doth thou not call that cruel? Ah, I guessed right Satan is tempting my Damoiselle very very hard I thought so from her face Damoiselle, the good Lord cannot be cruel It is not in his nature No, no Doth thou know what has happened Marguerite? I? Ha, no The Lady Sybil incited by her nobles has consented to divorce and count Guy and wed another I saw astonishment, grief, indignation chase one another over old Marguerite's face by a look of extreme perplexity for a few moments she stood thus and did not speak then she put her hands together like a child at prayer and lifted her eyes upward Sir God she said I cannot understand it I do not at all see why this is Good Lord it puzzles polled Marguerite very much but thou knowest thou knowest all things and thou canst not be hard nor cruel whatever things may look like thou art love have patience with us Sir God when we are puzzled and when it looks to us as if things were going all wrong and teach the child for she does not know my poor lamb is quite lost in the wilderness and the great wolf is very near her gentle Jesus Christ leave the ninety and nine safe locked in the good fold and come and look for this little lamb if that does not come the great wolf will get her my little lamb it is very cold in the wilderness and very dark do make haste thou seem to think that God Almighty is sure to hear thee Marguerite yet I could not have feelings touched by that simple prayer for me hear me she said oh no my demoiselle I cannot expect God Almighty to hear me but he will hear the blessed Christ he always hears him and he will ask for me what I really need which is far better than hearing me because my demoiselle sees I make so many blunders but he makes none what blunders did thou make just now Marguerite ha do I know I when he translated it into the holy language of heaven the blessed Christ would put them all right maybe where I said be quick he would say be slow I am sure that would be a blunder said I bitterly ha does it not seem so to my demoiselle and her servant but the good God knows if my demoiselle would only trust him trust? cried I thinking a little oh Marguerite I have had enough of trusting I feel as if I could never trust man again nor woman only one man said Marguerite softly and he died for us after saying that she went away and left me I lay still the last words making a kind of refrain in my head mingling with the one thought that seemed to fill every corner he died for us surely then he cannot hate us he is not trying to give us as much suffering as we can bear I rose at last and went to seek Guy but I had to search the house almost through for him I found him at length in the base court gazing through one of the narrow windows through which the archers shoot the moment I saw his face I perceived though we might be one in sorrow we were emphatically two in our respective ways of bearing it the quiet patient grief in that far away look which I saw in his eyes was dictated by a very different spirit from that which actuated me and he found it too not a word would he hear against Sybil he nearly maddened me by calmly assuming that her sufferings were beyond ours and in treating me not to let any words of mine add to her burden it was so like Guy always himself last and when I said passionately that God was cruel cruel he hushed me with the only flash of the old impetuosity that I saw in him no Elaine no let me never hear that again I was silent but the raging of the sea went on within I think said Guy quietly that it is either in a great sorrow or a serious illness that a man really sees himself as he is God to give him leave I have thought until today in a vague way that I loved God I begin to wonder this morning whether I ever did it all his words struck cold on me Guy was no true Christian my brave generous noble unselfish Guy then what was I likely to be Guy I said will she I could bear the torture no longer and I knew he would need no more I think so Elaine was his quiet answer I hope so hope so it is her only chance for the kingdom the nobles are quite right dear I am a foreigner I am an adventurer I'm not a scion of any royal house it would very much consolidate her position to get rid of me in cancer thou speak so calmly I want to curse them all around if I cannot consume them I passed that Elaine I have lived so firmly as before once I did made the good Lord pardon me his thunders are not for mortal hands and I am thankful that it is so I suppose nobody is wicked except me I said bitterly everybody else seems to be so terribly resigned and so shockingly good and so everything else that he ought to be and I will go if thou hast no objection Guy I shall be saying something naughty if I don't put his arm around me and kissed my forehead my poor little lunette he said we can go home to partow dear and be once more all and all to each other as we used to be long ago Monsignor will be glad to see us but I could not stand that partly Guy's dreadful calm and partly that allusion to the long ago when we were so much to each other broke me down and laying my head down upon Guy's arm I burst into a passionate flood of tears oh what good they did me I could scarcely have believed how much quiet it enlightened I should feel for them though there was no real change yet the most distressing part of the wait seemed gone I actually caught myself fancying what Monsignor would say to us when we came home Guy said he would go with me to my chamber I was glad that we met no one below but as we entered the corridor at the head of the stairs little Agnes came running to us holding up for admiration a string of small blue beads see Bappa, see Tan, good! these are her names for Guy and me everything satisfactory is good with Agnes it is her expressive word which includes beautiful, amiable precious and all other varieties I felt as if my heart were too sore to notice her and I saw a spasm of pain cross Guy's face but he lifted the child in his arms missed her and admired her treasure to her baby heart's content if I were but half as selfless as he and who gave thee this little one? Emma, good! there's the child's name for her mother all little Agnes I cannot agree with thee Emma and good must no longer go into one sentence how could she play today with Guy's children yet I suppose children must be fed and cared for and trained and amused when elders' hearts are breaking or if I might lie down somewhere in sleep and awake eighteen years ago when I was a little sorrowless child like Agnes the coronation is fixed for Holy Cross Day and Lady Sybil has undertaken as soon as she is crowned to select her future husband one condition she has insisted on herself every noble on the coronation day is to take us all on oath that he will be satisfied with and abide by her decision to serve the king of her choice forever this seems to me a very wise and politic move as it will prevent any future disputes everybody appears to have no doubt on whom her choice will fall I'll accept the count of Tripoli Guy has requested permission to retire to Ascalon and she has accorded it but with the express depulation that he is to be in his place the rest of her appears at the coronation it does seem to me a piece of needless cruelty surely she might have spared him this I also have asked permission to retire from court of course I go with Guy whoever forsakes him the little sister shall be true for about the first time in my life I am thoroughly pleased with Emery he is nearly as angry as I am which is saying a great deal and he is the only person in whose presence I dare relieve my feelings by saying what I think of Sybil her Guy will not hear a word it's an extraordinary idea she thinks that Sybil's heart is true and that only her head is wrong it is all nonsense heart and head go together the worst item of the agony is over the divorce the ceremony was short enough a speech from Count Raymond stating to the public the necessities of the case a declaration from both parties that they acted of their own free will a solemn sentence from the holy patriarch and all was over and Guy and Sybil were both free to wed again I did think Sybil would have fainted before she could get through the few words she had to speak but Guy was as calm and quiet as if he were making some nightly speech I cannot understand him it seems so unnatural for Guy I expressed some surprise afterwards oh Lynette how could I make it harder for her that was his answer it was all for her he seems to think himself not worth considering we leave her Ascalon very early tomorrow and as this was my last night I went to Lady Judith's cell to say farewell to her on my way I met Count Raymond returning from an audience of Lady Sybil with triumph flashing in his eyes as he met mine he evidently agrees with the multitude that he has a good chance of the crown my heart swelled against him but I managed to return his bow with courtesy and passing on tapped at Lady Judith's door child come in she said I'm come to bid you goodbye Holy Mother Lady Judith silently motioned me to a seat on her bed and sat down beside me is it quite as dark my child yes quite I said Sy poor child I would give much to be able to comfort thee but please God thou wilt be comforted one day the day seems a long way off Holy Mother it seemed a long way off dear to the Holy Jacob the very day before the wagons arrived to carry him down to his son Joseph yet it was very near Helena I listened with respect of course but I could not see what that had to do with me the wagons were not coming for me that one thing was certain wilt thou be here for the coronation my child I shall be where Guy is I said shortly but oh Holy Mother she might have spared him that Lady Judith's look was very pitiful yet she said perhaps not my child why of course she might if she would what was to enter her but I did not say so for it would have been discourteous even between me and my dear old Lady Judith there seemed a miserable constraint was it any marvel I rose to go almost noiselessly the door opened and before I could exclaim or escape Sybil stood before me and wilt thou going without any farewell me little sister Helena I stood up frozen into stone I asked your grace as pardon we're not sisters now she turned aside and covered her face with her hands oh Lynette thou makest it so hard so hard so hard said I coldly I hope I do if your heart had not been harder than the nether millstone Lady Sybil you would never never have required our presence at your coronation God give you what you deserve that is a terrible prayer in general she said turning and meeting my eyes and yet Lynette in this one thing I dare to echo it I God render unto me what I deserve how could she oh how could she Lady Judith kissed me and I went away I believed Sybil would have kissed me too but I would not have it from her it was easy after that to say farewell to the rest I wish I were going to crowd amory then why does he not he might if he chose just like amory farewell dear said a shine I shall miss thee Elaine and nobody else yes I know that so we go forth driven out of our paradise like Adam and Eve but the flaming sword is held by no angel of God I always thought it's such a dreadful thing that our first parents should be driven out of paradise why could not God have let them stay it was not as if he had wanted it for the angels if he had meant to use it for anything he would be on the earth now I cannot understand why why why are all these terrible things I cannot understand either says old Marguerite but I can trust the good God and I can wait till he tells me I am happier than my damn was always wanting to know well I see that I marvel if there is any maiden upon her much more miserable than I am last night only I caught myself wishing honestly wishing that I could change with Marguerite old and poor as she is it must be such a comfort to think of God as she does it seems to answer for everything the sultry quiet here is something almost unendurable to me there is nothing in the world to see her here but the water carriers crying the gift of God and strings of camels passing through the gateway and women washing or grinding corn in the courts and there is nothing to do but wait and bear and prepare after a rather sluggish fashion for our return home when the coronation is over here again old Marguerite is better off than I am for she is constantly things which she must do I do not think it likely that amory will come with us things never take hold of him long if he be furiously exasperated he is calmly disgusted on Tuesday supremely content on Wednesday and by Thursday has forgotten that he was ever otherwise and he seems disposed to make his home here to me it looks as though my life divided itself naturally into two portions and the four years I have passed here were the larger half of it I seem to have been a woman only since I came here three months to wait and all the time we are waiting for a dreadful ordeal we know must come why does Lady Sybil give us this suffering and far more why why does the good God give it to us if I could only understand I could bear it better ha! says Marguerite with a rather pitting smile if my damn wasel could but know everything she would be content not to know more well I suppose I am unreasonable yet it will be such a relief when the worst is over but how can I wish the worst to come End of section 13 Chapter 14 of Lady Sybil's Choice this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Campbell Shelp Lady Sybil's Choice A Tale of the Crusades by Emily S. Holt Chapter 14 of Lady Sybil's Choice Gifts cried the friend he took and holding it high towards the heavens as though to meet his star exclaimed this too I owe to thee G. F. R. lay hunt it came at last neither sooner for my dreading it nor later for my wishing it Holy Cross Day the Coronation Morning Guy and I reached the Holy City the night before we looked up our quarters with the Holy Patriarch and his Lady Irene we were just opposite the palace we could see lights flashing through the loopholes and now and then a shadow passed behind them it was hard to know that that house held all that we loved and we were the only ones that dared not enter it the Patriarch was the most disagreeably locations he told us everything he might have been cooking the banquet embroidering the robes for all the minute details he seemed to know the Queen he told us was to be arrayed in golden bodykin and the Lady Isabel and Rose and Silver both the princesses would be present a tired and gold and blue poor little Agnes and Helena how little they would understand of their mother's actions as little perhaps as any of us could understand of God's dealings in this matter the officers of State were to surround the throne which was to be placed on the highest step of the choir the nobles of the council were to stand in order according to the date of their creation round the nave below Lady Irene was as silent as her Lord was talkative but at night when she brought me up to the chamber she had prepared for me she told me the one thing I did care to know a place had been specially reserved for me in the nave immediately behind Guy and the Lady Irene's own place was next to me I am obliged to the master of the ceremonies said I for that was just where I wished to be nay quietly said Lady Irene as she took up her lamp the demoiselle is obliged to the Lady Sybil had Sybil thought of my fancy what a strange compound she was attending to once insignificant likings yet crushing one's very heart to dust I did not sleep till very late and I was aroused in the early morning by a flourish of trumpets announcing that the grand day had dawned I dressed myself putting off my morning for a suit of leaf green body kin for I knew that Guy would not be pleased if I wore anything somber though it would have suited my feelings well enough a golden undertunic and kerchief with my best coronet were the remainder of my attire I found Guy himself flashing in golden armour and wearing his beautiful embroidered sircoat which Sybil herself wrought for him with the arms of Luzon footnote this phrase was used of steel armour ornamented with gold and footnote how could she bear to see that existing token of her own dead love the sircoat had worn better than the heart we took our appointed places Lady Irene, Guy and I and watched the nobles arrive now an odd one now half a dozen together the patriarch of course left us as he was to officiate he told us last night that 80 out of every 100 felt no doubt at all that the count of Tripoli would be the future king that patriarch is the queerest mortal he never seemed to enter his head that such information would not be highly entertaining to Guy and me now was the time to discern our enemies from our friends those who did notice us risked court favour but messiah de montluc came all the way from the choir to salute us and I felt a throb of gratitude to him in my heart the count of Odessa was not able to see us and count Raymond, oh serpent demon that he is had us as if he had never met us before it was an additional ping that the order of precedence placed count Raymond the very next to Guy I sincerely wished him at the other end of the nave though it would have placed him close to the throne and now the important persons began to arrive Lady Judith in the quiet brown habit of her order stopped and scanned the groups all round till her eyes reached us and she gave us a full smile so rich in love and peace that my heart throbbed with sympathy and yet ached with envy then came a lovely vision of rich rose and gleaming silver which did not look for us and I felt that was Lady Isabel and then two sweet little fairy forms in blue and gold and I saw Guy crush his underlip as his eyes fell upon his children last came the queen that was to be a glorious ray of gold four pages bearing her train and her long fair hair no less golden than her robes streaming down them to her feet she took her seat by Lady Isabel on the velvet saddle near the throne then the patriarch came forward into the midst of the church to a false stool set there and announced in loud tones that all the nobles of the council of Sybil, shortly to be crowned queen of Jerusalem should come forward in rotation to the false stool and swear between his hands to bear true and faithful allegiance as to his king to that one of them all whom it should please her to choose for her lord footnote homage was always performed in this manner the joined hands of the inferior or oath taker being held between the hands of the superior lord or person who administered the oath and footnote one by one they came forward but I saw only two Count Raymond knelt down with an air of triumphant command as though he felt himself king already guy with an aspect of the most perfect quietness as if he were thinking how he could spare Sybil when all the nobles were sworn the patriarch went back to the choir and Sybil rising came and stood just before the throne the coronation ceremony followed was not sufficiently at ease to enter into it there were prayers and sonorous Greek and incense and the holy mass and I cannot properly tell what else the last item was the actual setting of the crown the crown of all the world on the head of Sybil of Anjou and then came a gentle rush of intense expectation as Sybil lifted the crown royal from her head and prepared to descend the steps of the throne her choice was to be made now down the damask carpeting of the nave she came very very slowly carrying the crown in both hands the holy patriarch following and swinging the holy censor behind her her eyes were cast down it was evident that she knew perfectly well where he stood who was to wear that crown slowly slowly all along the nave passed one eligible noble after another face after face gathering blinkness as she went at last she turned ever so little to the right I could bare no more I covered my face with my mantle let who would gaze on me let who would sneer she was coming no doubt any longer now straight towards Count Raymond of Tripoli and never with the faint flush in her cheeks into the sweet downcast eyes had I seen her look so beautiful and all at once a thwart my anger my indignation, my sense of bitter wrong came one fervent gush of that old deep love which had been mine for simple and I felt as though I could have laid down my life that hour to save not Guy but her from the dreadful consequences of her own folly from that man who had crushed Guy's heart as he might have crushed a moth in a dead hush in which a butterfly's wing might almost have been heard to beat then a low murmur half ascent half descent then suddenly bursting forth a cheer that went peeling to the roof and died away in reverberations along the Triforium the choice was made and then I had not dared to look up I heard Sybil's voice she was close close beside me Sir Guy de la Sain she said I choose thee as my lord and as lord of the land of Jerusalem for, and a slight quiver came into the triumphant ringing voice whom God hath joined together let not man put asunder then I looked up and saw on my Guy's head the crown of the world and in Sybil's dear eyes the tender, passionate love-light which she had locked out of them for months for no one's own sake and I knew her at last for the queen of woman that she is and then I heard somebody speak my name and felt Lady Irene's arms close round me and darkness came upon me and I knew no more when I came to myself I was lying in my own old chamber in the palace and beside me were old Marguerite fanning me with a handkerchief darling all as well she said is all well I said sadly when I could speak it is well with Guy and therefore all else matters little but I wonder if I shall ever be forgiven by whom asked Lady Judith God and Sybil I answered in a low voice ask them both she said softly Sybil is coming to thee there is no need to wait to ask God did you guess Holy Mother how it would end no Helena she answered with a smile I knew all along yes from the first I lay still and thought dost thou marvel why I did not tell thee dear and perhaps think it cruel ask Sybil why she made me her soul confident I think thou wilt be satisfied when thou hast heard her reason but though I did not guess Sybil's purpose and she turned with a smile to Marguerite here a fancy is one who did I very soon said Margo quietly but not quite at first lady thou wicked old Marguerite cried I and never to tell me suppose I had been mistaken she replied would my damn Yosele thanked me for telling her then I felt quite sufficiently restored to go down to the Bower though not able to bear the banquet so Lady Judith and I went down she told me all that had taken place after I fainted how Monsieur de Montluc and Lady Irene had taken care of me that the patriarch had immediately bestowed the nupital benediction upon Sybil and Guy and had then anointed the king the king had escorted the king and queen to the banquet and that after the banquet homage was to be done by all the nobles Guy and Sybil therefore were likely to be detained late suddenly something climbed up on the saddle and I felt myself seized round the neck and to multruously caressed tontaine tontaine come good Baba and tontaine both come good oh good of course I knew who that was and alternated between returning the warm kisses and entreating Agnes not to murder me by suffocation then came a much calmer kiss on my brow and I looked up at Esquine and then strolled in Messier Almerie with his hands in the pockets of his hot de chasse talking to Monsieur de Montluc but the strangest thing you know that sagacious youth was observing the strangest thing oh a lane is that thee the strangest thing is that a mere simple ignorant woman could have formed and carried out such a project surely some man must have given her the idea I can hardly oh pure foy the last exclamation was due to a smart and sudden application of my right hand to the left ear of my respected brother Monsieur de Montluc was convulsed with laughter well done de Monsieur de Lane you regard the honour of your sex the next time Thou speakest contemptuously of woman said I look first whether any overhear thee trust me I will make sure of my sister a lane said Ammerie still rubbing his ear on my word Lynette thou art a spitfire one after another kept coming and all expressing pleasure in seeing me I could not help wondering whether all of them would have been quite so pleased to see Elaine de Louçon if she had not been the king's sister Lady Judith and Esquine would I believed nor do I think it would have made the least difference to Agnes considerations of that kind do not begin to affect us till we are over three years old but time wore on and Sybil was not released from her regal duties and the strain which both body and mind had to sustain told upon me and I began to feel very tired Lady Judith noticed it Dear Helena, she said do put that white face to bed Sybil will come to thee I have no right to ask it ever I said hastily dost thou think she will wait till thou hast I was beginning to remonstrate that it would not be respectful when Lady Judith put her arm round me and said laughingly Sir Ammerie help me to carry this willful child to bed Fair mother I dare not for all the golden Palestine said my slanderous brother my ear has not done singing yet Am I willful said I well then I will do as I am told as to the Ammerie thou hast just thy desert then I am a very ill deserving man responded he Lady Judith and Esquine both came with me to my chamber and the ladder helped me to undress I had but just doffed my super tunic however when a slight sound made me turn round towards the door and I saw Sybil Sybil still in her coronation robes coming towards me with both hands held out as she had done that last sad time we met I threw myself on the ground before her and tried to kiss the hem of her golden robe but she would not let me no no my darling no and she stooped and drew me into her arms and kissed me as if we had never disagreed as if I had never uttered one of those bitter words which it now made my cheeks burn even to remember I could only sob out forgive me dear little sister forgive thee for loving guy no no I said but for not loving for misunderstanding and slandering tormenting thee nay dearest Helena she said at once tenderly and playfully thou didst not slander me it was that other Sybil with whom thou werest so angry the Sybil who was not true to her lord and was about to forsake him and I am sure she deserved every word but that was not I Helena but how my words must have tortured thee not in one light dear it was a rich ray of hope and comfort to know through all my pain how true the dear little sister was to Guy what a comfort she was likely to be to him that whoever forsook him his Lynette would never do it now finish thine undressing there is one other thing I want to say to thee but let me see thee lying at rest first she sat down on the saddle just as she was while Bertray finished undressing me then they all said good night and left me alone with Sybil Helena darling she said as she sat beside me my hand clasped in hers this one thing I wish thee to know I could not spare thee this pain if the faintest idea of my project had ever occurred to Count Raymond though it had been but the shadow of a shade it would have been fatal had he guessed it I could never have carried it out but note an extraordinary item of this series of incidents which are historical is that Count Raymond did not guess it and footnote and he has eyes like a lynx and ears like a hare and little sister thy face talks thou couldst not try as thou wouldst have kept that knowledge out of thine eyes and the Count would have read it there with as little trouble as thou wouldst see a picture the only chance therefore to preserve my crown for my lord and him for me was to leave him and thee in ignorance trust me it cost me more than it did you ah had she not said that once before trust me and I had not trusted her yet how well she deserved it I hardly know what I sobbed out I only know that I was fully and undeservedly forgiven that I was loved through all my mistrust and unworthiness and cruel anger and that Sybil knew how I loved her then she left me to rest but as I lay there in darkness a thought came to me which seemed to light up the dark wilderness of my life as though a lamp had been suddenly flashed into a hidden chamber what if it be just so with God and it seemed to me as if he stood there at the summit of that ladder which Monsignor Saint Jacob was permitted to behold and he looked down on me with a look tenderer and sweeter even than Sybil's and he held forth his hands to me as she had done but in these there were the prince of the cruel nails and he said Alayne I could not spare thee this pain if I had done in the end it would have been worse for thee look upon my hands and my feet and see if I spared myself and remembering that this was for thy sake say whether if it had been possible I would not have spared thee I cannot tell whether I was dreaming or awake but I crept to the foot of the ladder and I said to him who stood above it fair father Hesu Christ I put myself in thy mercy footnote a rebel who returned to his allegiance unconditionally was said to put himself in the king's mercy and footnote I see now that I was foolish and ignorant it was not that thou worked cruel it was not that thou didst not care thou dost care at every pain that rent my heart thine heart was touched too forgive me for Sybil has done and I have sinned more against thee than against her teach me in future to give up my will and to wish only to do thine I am afraid it was a very poor prayer I was not a dreamless nor confetour not even an avanet yet was it all a dream that a voice said to me thy sins are forgiven thee go in peace and I sink into a dreamless sleep the next instant it is all settled now next week I shall be professed of lady Judith's order an order which will just suit my wants since the nuns have no abyss over them are bound only by terminable vows and with a scent of the community may dwell where they think fit even in their own homes if need be lady Judith thinks that she can easily obtain leave for me to dwell with Monsignor as she will kindly represent it to the order that he is now an old man and has no wife nor unmarried daughter to care for him but me I think he is my first duty now and I know he will be so glad so glad it will be hard to part with Guy and Sybil but I think that is where the Lord is leading me home to Luson and I do wish to follow his leading not my own old Marguerite startled me very much last night de Moselle she said the cross is shining out at last where Margo said I rather puzzled where I have so longed to see it she said on my darling's brow ah the good God has not brought her to fire for nothing where there used to be pride in Marth and her eyes there is peace he will let his old servant depart now for it was all she had to live for but I can never never do without her oh I do hope the good God will not take dear old Marguerite why I am only just beginning to understand and value her but I think I am learning very slowly oh I am so slow and stupid real happiness lies not in having my way but in being satisfied with his not in trying to make myself happy but in trying to please him I am constantly fancying that I have so learned this lesson that I shall never forget it again and then within an hour I find myself acting as though I had never heard of it and I see too what I never understood before that it is only by taking our Lord's yoke upon us and becoming meek and lowly in heart that we can find rest to our souls asking deep humility is the source of her calm endurance pride is not peace it is its antidote and Christ we have peace first through the purchase of his blood and secondly and growing like him which is to grow and love and lowliness and to lose ourselves in him I think I never before saw the loveliness of humility and I am sure I never saw the fair beauty of Eskin's character and life oh how far she rises above me and to think that I once looked down upon her dismissed her with a careless word of scorn as having nothing in her when the truth was that I was too low down to see her in reality oh how much the good God has had and will have to forgive and bear with me I am now only just beginning to understand him but that is the lesson which I may go on learning and enjoying forever and how happy it will be if we all gather together in his halls above Guy and Sybil and me and old Marguerite and Lady Judith and Monsignor and Eskin and the little children and all never again to hear pain him cry nor woman's wail safe forever in the banquet hall of God at home again at last how strangely glad they all seem to see me I do not think I ever knew how they all loved me I have lived for myself and little for Guy now with his grace I feign would live for God and in him for everyone we sat round the center fire last night in the old hall I close to Monsignor with his hand upon my shoulder now and then removed to stroke my hair and we had all so much to say that it made us very silent it was alex who spoke first Elaine she said I want to give a name to my baby girl that shall mean truth or fidelity and I do not like any of the French names that have those meanings they are not pretty tell me the words for them in the tongue of the holy land I did not answer that the court language of Jerusalem was the language talk and that alex had her off for knowing a rush of feeling came over me and I let it dictate my reply and that was only Sibyl End of Chapter 14