 Good morning everyone. Welcome to this week's Mentringer. My name is Nithana Rona and I'm one of the faculty here at the Bible College. So before we begin, I'll just open us in thread and then we go into today's topic and discussion. Father, we just thank you a lot for this time. We thank you a lot for bringing us together as students and faculty to hear from your word, to be able to engage with one another, to be able to share and bring each other up a lot. We welcome you a lot to lead this time that we are together. We ask that you would bless our time, that you would edify us, that you would enable us a lot to grow in you. And through all of this learning lot that we would become more like you. We ask all of these things in Jesus' name. Today we're going to be talking about anger management and share a little bit on the topic and then we'll open it up for questions either on what I've shared or on anything else that would like to ask faculty and we'll try and give you the answers as best we can. I'll just share my presentations on it. Okay, so scripture talks a lot about anger management, specifically about anger and addresses when it's right, when it's wrong, how we are to properly express anger. So we look a little bit at that. But before we go into that, let me just cover what all we look at. So we look at what is anger, is anger for within my God, godly anger versus human anger and then how to deal with anger, which is what anger management is. How do we deal with that anger? So what is anger? If we look at the Old Testament, there's actually a lot of words that are used to describe anger. And these words actually also describe the process of becoming angry, not only the actual emotion we feel. So anger usually begins with an outside event. There's something that happens outside of us that then affects us on the inside. So it's something that almost is like a spa on the outside. And then within us, there's something that burns or there's a fierce or intense feeling that rises up within us. So there's a feeling inside, which is a response to what has happened on the outside. And then from here, what happens on the inside then posed out in a reaction that comes outside. So it comes out in the form of rock that comes out in the form of fury towards things or people around us just to express what is going on inside of us. And then sometimes we may not be the kinds of people who express anger outwardly. For people like that, that continues to remain, that anger continues to remain within us and continues to be within our hearts in the form of a grudge or bitterness or resentment because of what has happened. So this is what anger is. It's not only the emotion that we feel inside. It's everything from what has happened on the outside. What is it that bothers us? What is it that triggers us to respond in anger? And then it is what happens within us, how we respond and then what we continue to feel inside once we've had that experience. So let's look at his anger forbidden by God. In Matthew 5, 21, 22, we just look at the beginning of 22, Jesus said, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, you shall not murder and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment. But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. So here it seems like Jesus is equating anger with murder and saying both are sin. So you can't get angry. But if we continue to read on in this passage, Jesus talks about how this kind of anger is displayed. And two ways in which he talks about it is one that results in insults that are passed upon the person we are angry at. And if we look at James 3, 9 to 10, it talks about how can you curse someone who is made in the image of God and also use the same mouth to bless God. So the same thing that we are not to place curses or insults upon people who are made in the image of God. So when anger comes out in that way or when anger is also because of pride or bitterness or unforgiveness, if that remains in our hearts after we've become angry for one reason or another, then those two cases are evidence of an anger that is not Godly. And so this is the kind of anger that Jesus obtained in subject to judgment. When we look at Ephesians 4, 26, it says we are angry and yet to not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger. Be angry and yet to not sin. Both of these are actually said in an imperative tone, so it's like a command. So you're told to be angry, which means the writer knows that we are going to be angry and we will be angry in certain circumstances. But the command then is do not sin. So the teaching in scripture is not that we should never be angry. It is that we should be angry for the right reasons and we should express our anger in the right way. So we look at what is the difference between Godly anger and human anger. And our goal is to then pursue an anger that is righteous, which is the Godly anger. James 1 19 to 20 says, my dear brothers and sisters, take note of this. Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. So we see here a distinction that is made. There's slow to become angry versus human anger. And throughout the Old Testament, God is described as someone who is slow to anger. The first time this is said of God is in Exodus 346 to 7 where God himself reveals himself as a God who is slow to anger. So this is when he passes before Moses, the second time the commandments and the covenant is being established on the top of the mountain. So after Moses has gone down first time, seen the people sacrificing to the idol and then come back the second time to receive the 10 commandments and receive the love from God. And so Exodus 346 to 7 where God reveals himself. He says, Yahweh, Yahweh, the God of compassion and mercy and slow to anger and fill it in unfailing love and hatefulness. And lavish unfailing love to a thousand generations and to give iniquity and rebellion of faith. But I do not excuse the both of you. So we see here a few important words that I use to the God of compassion, the God of mercy, filled with unfailing love and faithfulness. And so these are some key words for us to take away to understand how do we respond when we are angry, think about having compassion and mercy to be people who love steadfast, love the person, even in the midst of that situation that has made us angry. And to be faithful. Another way to understand the word is truth. So some translations will use the word truth then so to also firmly hold on to the truth as it continues in this passage. It says, I lavish unfailing love to a thousand generations and to give iniquity, rebellion and sin, but I do not excuse the guilty, which means we hold on to truth. We do not, we do not run away from sin or we do not pretend as a sin has not happened. We call out sin. So we hold on to that truth, but we also forgive at the same time. So this is the other side of the human anger. James 4 1 to 3 says, What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desire, the desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have so you can, you covet but you cannot get what you want so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask for. When you ask, you do not receive because you ask with the wrong emotions that will spend what you get on your pleasures. So the difference here is the desire that battle within us that come from wrong motives. So I've just mentioned some major desires and some things that usually provoke anger within us. So security, we all have a desire for a sense of security, whether it is physically, emotional, whatever photography we understand for, we all have that need. We have a need for respect. We have a need for love. And this is also for others, right? When we see someone we love being disinfected or being put in danger or being hurt in some way, then anger is usually our response to that. Another desire is for a deeper sense of purpose or meaning. And other desire is for us to have, where we have ambitions to be focused for our own lives of the lives of others that we love. Now, when any of these things are attacked is when we usually respond in anger. But sometimes these desires which are good can come from wrong motivations. So when we are seeking security from the outside, where we don't have a strong sense of security in God Himself, but we find our security in others. Or where we are trying to satisfy eternal longings within us with material or temporary things of people. Or where our ambitions, dreams and hopes are for our own glory rather than for the glory of God. So when these motivations are the things that are driving these desires, then when we are in some way offended, when someone comes against any of these things, it's very easy for us to respond in anger. So we'll just quickly cover how we deal with anger and then we'll move to our questions. So the first way is to be fully aligned to God. If we continue in that passage in James chapter 4, it talks about being a friend of the world versus being a friend of God. And since you can't be poor, you have to choose one. And so for us to choose to be fully aligned to God for our security, our sense of purpose, our ambitions and desires, all of those things to come under the authority of God for us to be defined by God is very important. The second thing is for us to surrender our needs and desires to God. So Matthew 7 says ask and it will be given to you. So for us to be able to entrust all of these desires to God and believe that he will satisfy it at the right time and in the way that is best for us. The third is to address root issues. And this is very important where we are seeing repeated issues of anger where we're seeing that we respond very quickly in anger in certain situations or when something specific happens. So for us to recognize that there may be a root issue that needs to be dealt with. And here is where we examine our motives. What is it that is being offended that is causing this anger. And once we recognize the motives that are behind it for us to come to God in repentance and to resist Satan as James 4 6 to 10 talks about. And then if we recognize that our motivations are right and these needs as I said before are good needs, good desires. So we should then look at how do we meet this need in a way that is healthy. So the first thing is to acknowledge and speak the truth. So to address with the person involved what has happened where they have wronged you or where you have wronged them. Usually there are two sides to the story. We have done something wrong also. We usually have a part to play in it. So for us to both be able to confess our own mistakes and also address with the person what they have done wrong, what has caused that anger within you. The second is to forgive. The third is to be compassionate like we read about God is compassionate and merciful. So for us to have that same kind of nature of compassion for the person who has hurt us to recognize the hurt that they have that is causing them to hurt us. The fourth one is to deal with things quickly not to let them stay within our hearts and not to let them fester within us and cause bitterness or continue to impact the way we relate with that person or relate with others around us. And the last is to let God of energy. Sometimes we may not be able to fully resolve the issue. We may not be able to be fully reconciled to the person either because they are unwilling to be reconciled or for some other issue or that they've continued to hurt us and we feel that it is better to then draw boundary and protect ourselves in that situation. In these cases where there is no sign of repentance on the other person's side or where there is no desire for reconciliation. We do not try to avenge ourselves rather we leave it to God to avenge us and trust him to deal with that person and continue to pray for that person continue to love that person as best we can. So with that we will close our discussion on anger. If there are any questions, please feel free to share your questions. You can post in the chat or unmute and ask the questions. And you can ask who's from what I've shared about or based on anger itself or on anything else. Yes, sister go through it. Please go ahead and ask a question. Can unmute in it. Okay. So you're unable to unmute sister. If you're not able to unmute maybe. Okay. We'll just check the settings on our side. Would you be able to post it in the chat until you are able to resolve that. Anyone else has a question for us? So we have two questions that have come in. I'm just redamning this question first. Ma'am, how do we recover our own self after anger so that we don't show our anger to everyone else? I will answer your question a bit and then I will open it to anyone else who would like to add. I think the first thing when we are convicted that we have responded in anger in a way that has caused hurt or is simple in some way. The first thing is to repent the God and to ask the difference between us. So that is the first thing. The second is to seek reconciliation with the person. So if they have also done something wrong to bring that up with them to be able to share what they did that has hurt you or what you felt was wrong that they did and try and be able to be reconciled with them after that. And to deal with things within our heart. So the two things we talked about was, is there a wrong motivation in our own heart that sparks that anger? So was there something within us that is not right? Are we looking for something from that person that we should not be expecting from them, rather to something that we should be satisfied in the Lord? So if there is something like that to be able to correct that within our sense of anger that the Lord. But if it is a right desire and there is right motivation, then to be able to look at how do we deal with that person or outside of that person as well. And to be able to address our heart issue that we don't continue to hold a grudge around forgiveness. But to be able to surrender that word. And I think the first step to feeling these forgiveness. Once we are able to forgive that person, then to fix the engine that the Lord. I hope the Lord will allow our forgiveness. Anyone else from the practice would like to add to that? Thank you Smita for sharing. I just wanted to, like you already shared all the points. But I just wanted to say that taking some time off to reflect is so helpful to really think about why we expressed anger in a certain way. Or why we are feeling angry and then to see what information we have. And whether reconciliation is possible or just to look ahead. So reflection is my point. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. We go into the next question. Daniel has the second question. Can you give some practical tips? Is there anyone who would like to add to that any practical steps? Anyone from the practice team? Daniel, just to clarify, when you asked about practical tips, are you talking about dealing with what's happening inside of you rather than the relationship, right? Because the relationship we shared, you meet with the person, you talk to them. Yeah. So more on what is happening within you. Yeah. So is there any faculty member who would like to share any other practical tips for how to deal with what's going on inside or what is after you've been argued with? Okay. Thank you Daniel for your question. Actually just basically be good to just, you know, see where we have gone wrong, what we have done or said that is wrong. Maybe check our own attitudes and our motives. And, you know, just ask and just submit it to God, surrender it to God and ask the Holy Spirit to help us in that area for weakness. And also it would be good to look at some scripture passages, Bible verses that address the specific weakness that we are having. And then just pick it over our lives, declare it over our lives and, you know, just ask God to help us to deal in that area. Because if we are not able to deal with our own attitudes and our weaknesses and our wrong motives, then it, you know, we can again have bouts of anger and we can get angry. And we can get back on the same issues with different people, not necessarily the same person. So, you know, just submit it to God and ask the Holy Spirit to deal with you and work on our own weaknesses and, you know, ensure that, you know, it's covered with bread and, and we are able to overcome that. And God will help us to overcome it. Yes. Thank you, Smitha, over to you. Smitha just wanted to add something to what Pastor Serena shared. So Daniel has mentioned here, how do we recover our own self of the anger so that we don't show our anger to anyone else. So it's not so much answering the question, but the thought that, like as you shared, right, it is okay to feel angry. It is okay to have righteous anger because there are matters that anger us in the right way. And it's also okay to share that anger, but it's more about speaking the truth in love, as you again pointed out. So, showing our anger in the right manner is what is important and for which, you know, some things Pastor Serena shared and I had shared earlier to really reflect on the whole situation. Analyze it to find solutions would be really helpful. Thank you Pastor Serena. Can I ask you a question? Thank you. I will go on to get to this question. When a person does not acknowledge that they have anger issues, how do we step in this step? Once again, I can explain a little bit and then if there's anyone who would like to answer that. So, I think the first thing is to kind of go to them and talk about if you're seeing something repeated. It was an anger issue that it's something that's happening constantly, right? So, to talk about the evidence of that anger, what have they done out of anger that is not a right way of responding. So, if there's a kind of person who usually shouts or screams or expresses the anger verbally and as a result, there's hurt caused or there's relationships that are broken. Then to be able to say, look at this, look at all of these relationships that have been affected. Look at all of these people who have been affected. If this is a repeated pattern and there are so many people who have been affected, then maybe there's something that you are doing or something within you that needs to be addressed. So, to be able to show them the evidence of what they have done and how that is causing hurt or whatever the results have been of their anger is one thing. And to be able to show them that it is something that's happening repeatedly would be one way to do it. And then to help them through this whole process of dealing with the anger and the same things that we have shared about already would be a good thing. Also, if you are able to identify an issue that you see repeatedly causing anger within the person to be able to say, is this an issue for you? When you hear someone say this or when you see someone doing this, does it cause anger within you? And why is it that is causing anger? So to be able to help them reflect and see if there is something within them or desire or a motivation that sparks that it may be from their own experiences of hurt or something else that they are not even able to see it, right? Because they are blinded by their own experience or they have no one else has addressed it with them. So for you to be able to bring it up and help them do that process of reflection would also be another way that you can help them. And always to do it in love and in compassion, not as someone who is standing on the outside judging them, but other someone who wants to come alongside them and help them to remove this issue. Is there anyone else? Gertrude was sad. Okay, a person and she has also shared we could pray for them definitely for their eyes to be open, right? If they are not able to see that they are causing anger, pray for them and help them pray that God would help them see it. Thank you. This is Gertrude with that answer your question. So we'll go on to Sister Esther's question. Most of the time in daily life, anger often is due to delete response or things not aligned with me. We want them to be executed. And this is when in anger they hurtful negative work of immediate expression. How will we manage this? Would any of our faculty like to answer this question? Yes, I'll just add one thought. So Esther, I feel like when things happen, you know, like something happens and then we get angry. There are two things. One is we can react or we can respond. So to practice a response is a good thing. So that way you're actually rationally thinking about the whole matter and also addressing it in an appropriate way. That way, saying hurtful things, negative words as an immediate expression, that is something we can avoid. If we respond instead of reacting. Thank you. I'd just like to add some thoughts here to Esther's question. So if there's a delayed response, then, you know, we need to ask that person what is causing the delay? Why are they not responding? So they might have some, you know, this can be some problem in there and they're going through something or, you know, or they're not able to handle it, do it. So we need to, you know, get a feedback from them and then, you know, just guide them, motivate them and, you know, help them out so that they can, you know, do things in the time limit that you want. And then you can also maybe sometimes, you know, we wouldn't have, you know, communicated to them that this is important. They might have overlooked it. They might have thought, you know, they can do this at a later time. So it's important to see if we have communicated from our end when we want it, how we want it. So the same thing, you know, even the way that we wanted to be executed. We need to make sure that we have communicated things right. And if not, then maybe we need to explain things, write down things, share it with them. And then, you know, that's when we can overcome the anger and we will not say hurtful negative words, but just encourage them. But then if they've, you know, taken all those steps and they've not done what we require of them, then we need to, you know, really speak to them and, you know, check out why they're not doing it. And then, you know, tell them the consequences of it, then, you know, basically, if slasiness, help the person deal with it or, you know, if the person is being slack or whatever, you know, help them with it. If they're not then just, you know, know that they're not competent enough or capable enough, then give it to somebody else. That way we can overcome our anger and not say hurtful negative words. I think I hope that helped Esther. Over to you, Smita. I would like to add one thought. So, Esther, thank you so much for that question. And it's very natural, because we know in life things may not go our way always. There are ups and downs, there's times when we want things to happen our way, but it does not happen. And the natural tendency is to, you know, say words or say hurtful things, negative words. But a word that really helped me is Romans 12, too. It says to not conform any longer to the pattern of the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. So, every time we just go back and renew our mind and say, God, I know that this is not something that I expected. And then it goes on to say that then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is and His will is good, pleasing and perfect. So we can always say, God, I may not understand why this is happening, but I do know that your will and your will is good, pleasing and perfect. So, again, this renewing of the mind just keeps happening day after day. And as we keep doing this, we learn to trust God. We learn to go through the seasons that He is taking us through. Thank you so much. Thank you. First of all, I hope that answered your question. Mr. Esther. Esther also asked a follow up question for Pastor Nancy. What do you mean in responding, Sister? Can you cite an example to differentiate between respond and react? Sure. I'll just share in short what I meant. React would be to be out of control. So we haven't thought through the words that are coming out of our mouth and, you know, basically out of control. That would be react. We haven't thought through anything. But respond would be to take action, definitely take action about the matter. But we've thought through what needs to be spoken, what needs to be done further ahead. So that is responding when we've thought through and we're addressing it in a rational manner. So I hope that in itself is clear. Thank you. Thank you, Pastor Nancy. Esther, you can let us know if you have any questions further. But yes, like we saw God says, he's slow to anger. And I think that's what Pastor Nancy was also talking about. Not being quick to respond, but waiting, thinking through, and then giving a response. So we'll go on to Sister Jennifer's question. How to deal with the person who is unsaved and who shows anger, which he can't control. So I think we address some of this and Sister Jennifer, you responded to that. The second part of the question is how to overcome abusive and hurtful words without being angry. We remain silent for a long time up to our breaking point of us emotionally. So Sister, we talk a little bit about this, but they will go into it a lot when I was sharing. So I'll just share a little more. And then faculty also can add in. So when we have been hurt, the first person we should run to is God. He's the one who understands our hurt best. He's the one who can heal us. And he's the only one who can really satisfy our heart's desires fully. And so to first go to God with that hurt to share it with him, to allow him to come into it and to be able to speak to you in those feelings, to be able to bring the healing that you need. Now, on the other hand, where this is something that is continuing, you've said we remain silent for a long time. So I'm not sure if you mean that this is something that continues to happen where someone is continuing to hurt you and you're remaining silent. If that is the case, then you do need to take steps to also protect yourself from being hurt continually. So if it's a relationship that is abusive, that is continuing to cause hurt to you, then if you have tried to be reconciled to that person, right? If you have tried to address it with a person and tell them what they're doing is wrong and they are not willing to change or not willing to recognize that they are at fault, then it is important to set certain boundaries. If it means distancing yourself from that person or even cutting off the relationship, whatever it is that will protect your own hand, because we shouldn't be in relationships that are abusive to us. It's not healthy for us and it's not a relationship that is healthy. And also then to continue to try and seek the help that we need. So if we have been hurt very badly, then first take it to God to seek outside help. If we need outside help from friends, from family, from counselors to be able to reach out to people to help us deal with the hurt that we experience. Is there anyone else who would like to add to that? I think we have one last question on the chat and then Sam there's also a question we'll try and do more. So Lucy said, how can we handle people who often fall into anger and conversations without reasons? How can we help such people which are often noticed in the families when we have get togethers? So Lucy, I think we've talked a little bit about it from the previous questions. But the main thing is to, I'm not sure when we have get togethers, if that means that you have a strong relationship with them or not. But I think having a relationship with them is to be able to address these issues. So that you are able to be honest with them. But even if you don't have that level of relationship to be able to share with them that this is something that you're doing often. This is the way we've seen your anger coming out and to be able to help them reflect on their anger. Those are some of the things we talked about earlier. To pray for them is very, very important to be able to help them see that there is an issue and to pray that they would be willing to allow you to help, allow God to help them overcome it. Would anyone like to add to that? Yes, Lucy, if you've had any, if this question has been answered by the previous questions, you can let us know. But if we have something that is still unanswered, you can also just post that in the chat. I'd just like to share with Lucy's question that sometimes people just get angry without any particular reason. It's because they're carrying a baggage or deep down their wounded or hurt or going through some emotional turmoil and unresolved issues of the past that they are carrying. So anything and everything can just trigger things off. So even if it's in a setting where people are enjoying themselves, everybody's happy with their families, with their children. These people can get very hurt because they are not in that place where they can really enjoy themselves and they can see things in a way that they can feel jealous or angry and that bitterness can come out. So I think basically we need to help such people with what is the underlying issues, what they are going through, what they have gone through in the past. Unresolved issues, unresolved bitterness, grudges that they're holding, things that have happened in life which has happened unexpectedly and they have nothing to do with it. But all of that hurt and pain, so we need to help them through that hurt and pain, help them to see through things. Ask God to help them to release it and let go of it and ask for forgiveness. And I think then such people would be helped and the anger will not trigger off. I hope that helps, Lucy. Over to you, Smitha. Thank you. Thank you, Mrs. Anima. So we have just three minutes left. We'll just quickly let Sam ask his question and we'll close up. Yeah, thank you. I actually had a young person reach out to me. So this is, you know, in the context is within the family, right? When the parents are, you know, abusive and she's carrying this hurt. And it's like inside the household, right? And you spoke about, you know, we need to seek outside help but they're in the home. And, you know, the hurt is very real and they're constantly reminded. This person now, I mean, this person now is in another city studying, but she still has to go home and all of that. So how do we respond to, you know, people who are going through hurt within the family, especially for young people? Yes, I think it's difficult. So the other steps that she can continue to do is the other steps. So the first thing I said is to always first turn to God and how we see so many people who are able to come to such a great source of peace when they find God and when they find healing in God that even if there is no repentance from their parents or from the people who've hurt them, they can still fully forgive their parents and love them. So this is where recognizing God as a father. So being able to minister to her in that way to help her come to this place of a relationship with God where she recognizes herself as a child of God first as finding her identity in God is very important and a big source of healing. It's as she recognizes that God will begin to heal the hurt within her. The other thing is because she's in a different city, this also allows some room for distance, which is a really good thing to not constantly be in that place of hurt, but also to receive outside help like she has reached out to you, Sam. So she is looking for help. And that is a good thing. So for her to be able to get love from other people, people who are speaking truth into her life, people who are building her up, doing those kinds of things from whether you as a ministry leader or outsiders, friends, family, counselors, other people are willing to do that for her. It's also very important. Who would anyone else like to add? I'm not able to see everybody. Sorry, sir. What you do is on the phone. I would like to add a little bit on the phone. Any other questions? I think it's fine. I think in this situation. The best thing the young person can do is stay away from as much as possible from engaging in situations that aggravate what's already happened. As a young person, they're still dependent on the family, dependent on the parents. So the best thing is to stay away from being hurt further. Thank you. Thank you. Did that answer your question? Yeah. Okay, I think we've come to the end of our time. Thank you everyone for joining in. We'll see you next week. Thank you.