 I have no spoons. I'm very careful at calculating all of my spoons but all my spoons were kind of taken from me by just like all of these other forces around me that was out of my control. I'm not sure this video is gonna work out. The lighting isn't great, the focus isn't great and I'm also using a new microphone and I also have really bad brain fog so I keep forgetting this whole thing but hopefully this will help somebody feel a little bit calmer and maybe more relaxed but I just want to get a couple of things out of the way before I get into the products that I really like and also little tips and tricks on how I gain back some spoons when I am feeling the way that I am feeling right now. So the most difficult thing about having an invisible illness is how the people that you meet aren't aware of what you're struggling with inside. I mean you guys can look at me right now. You can tell the difference like you can look at me and be like she doesn't look well. I'm kind of like puffy and my eyes, I'm tired, I haven't really slept. If I answer the door right now to a stranger they'd probably be thinking oh that person has it together. I did my hair, I have makeup on but inside I have all of this stuff going on inside that I'm fighting all the time. People don't recognize what you're dealing with internally which is like a good thing and a bad thing. It's like a double-edged sword. I don't like that term double-edged sword. It's like two puppies. Two puppies are great but also not so great because then which one do you give attention to first? That's what I'm going to say instead of double-edged sword. It's great because I can hide how I'm feeling and then I feel more in control because then people don't know how I'm feeling but also people don't know how you're feeling. Oh actually the one thing that I did want to mention I did get a question what is a spoonie and what are these spoons and what are you referring to? Let me just briefly explain what a spoonie is. I can't remember the girl's name. Why do I think it was Catherine? I'll put her name on the screen. She was the first person to I guess coin this term. Basically she was trying to explain to somebody what her life is like compared to somebody else's. This is the story anyway. She picked up a bunch of spoons. They were at like a cafeteria. She laid them all out and then she asked the person in front of her what did you do today when the person was like I woke up and she took a spoon away. She's like what are you why are you taking a spoon away? Well waking up that's a spoon gone. All of the spoons basically represent the energy in your day so she's like what did you do next? She goes I made breakfast and she's like takes another spoon and then she's like what do you do next? She's like I took a shower another spoon and then what did you do? I walked to work that's two spoons and she literally had one spoon left and that's how she was explaining to her the limitations that we have. Most people can have not an abundant of spoons but they don't have to calculate it in that same way because if they have a really stressful day they can very quickly bring that energy back by just having like a good night's sleep or people who have a chronic illness, physical, mental, whatever it might be. Those things cannot be replenished so quickly. Basically that's what a spoonie is. Even just going through a difficult time you're a spoonie. It's a lovely community but it's not a community that I would ever want anybody to be part of but also I want to be part of it if you need to be part of it because it is a wonderful supportive group of people. I love connecting with other spoonies. With all that said this is a makeup channel so let me just talk about some products that make me feel good when I'm not feeling great. Moisturizing. Moisturizing is so important and I don't mean just like your face. I mean your entire body. I mean your eyes. I use eyedrops. I don't have them there downstairs and I don't have enough spoons to go down and get them but just a really good moisturizer. This is the new one I've been using. This was gifted to me. This is the ordinary. I want to do a whole video about this but I'm not actually talking necessarily about products today because I don't want to push products. What I'm talking about is doing things and having things to help you. So moisturizing your whole body. Your face using eyedrops. Replenishing moisture in your body really helps and it's also really important that you're a little bit selfish right now. You know that for saying you have to put your own mask on before you can help somebody else? That's what you have to do when you don't have that many spoons and I know that when you wear a spoonie you carry a lot of guilt because there's a lot of stuff that you can't do. A lot of stuff that you can't help people with or prevent you from doing something and so we carry on a lot of guilt and so being selfish is really really hard for us but I need you to be selfish to bring back your spoons. When it comes to hair if you can't wash your hair dry shampoo but this is the only dry shampoo I'll ever use because it's a powder form so I don't have to spray it and then it's all in the atmosphere and then I'm coughing and then I have to go open a window and that just uses up a spoon. I know it's crazy but these are the things that I calculate all the time. I can just pop it in it'll give me that extra day. Also when I take a bath because I love taking baths, baths are like my thing but this can help to absorb any moisture that might be from the steam of being in the bath and it's a little strange but I do take baths with a full face of makeup on and my hair in rollers. I'm going to go take a bath after I film this but when I get out of the bath um you know you can get a little bit of like steam and like oiliness and I don't necessarily want to go in with powder even though I do have a powder to show you but I don't necessarily want to go in with powder so what I'll do is I will use this. This is the Lancome Blur and Go. Again I'm not talking necessarily about products but I'm just saying a blurring product like this and I would always recommend doing this first before you go in with powder because if your skin is kind of damp like too damp particularly if you're taking a bath like me with a full face of makeup on sometimes if you go in with powder it can then just like clump together and then you have all these like little patches so this is a cream product and it's really silky smooth and it's basically going to bring down the shine and then if you feel like it's still very shiny you can go in with a powder and one thing I love is just the easiness of this little guy kind of dirty. It basically is just a powder like that and the cool thing is it also has a mirror on the lid so I can kind of go do do and top it up and sometimes all you really need to do is moisturize your whole face so you get like a nice glow and then go in with your mattifying products where you don't want shine and that will recede those the other ones push out and it's kind of like faking a kind of contouring highlighting effect just something to do if you're not a big fan of wearing makeup when you don't have that many spoons. Clear mascara is also a really good one this actually is um brow gel but I use it on all my lashes I don't know if that's a bad idea. This one is the extra shine fix it like a boss smells like strawberries but a clear mascara is great because it's clear mascara it comes off a lot quicker it just means at the end of the day you're not there trying to take off your mascara for ages and it just saves you a spoon basically trying to clean your face. I always like this one for my brows because it actually holds my brows in place without going crunchy and then I'll always have a palette that has basically everything in it this has a little bit of shine has some mattes in there use my fingertips and like smudge it I actually did a video showing you how to apply your makeup using your fingertips because sometimes I like I love my brushes I love my brushes but sometimes you just want to use your fingertips just go do do do do and I always have like a bag that just has a couple of different things in it not everybody feels the need to put makeup on and I don't feel a need to put makeup on but it does make me feel more myself when I have makeup on so I always have like a bag that has just a couple of different things in it this is my bag by the way I showed this in a video and so many people were saying where's it from and I was like I'm pretty sure I linked it but it's by Upcosmetics look how big it is and it holds everything everything I've been talking about there's actually more there's more stuff in here everything I've been talking about fits in this bag it's great I love it another thing that I always like to do because sometimes I want to apply makeup with a damp sponge but here's the thing that uses a spoon and I'm sitting here doing my makeup and I don't want to have to go downstairs to go to the sink to wet my sponge so what do I do have this in my little bag it's just an empty facemaster but I just fill it with water and that way I can just like spray my sponge and I have I always have water with me so it means I can always dampen my sponge oh I did have another product to show you here it is I thought it was downstairs and I was like I can't go down and get it but this product show you this was gifted to me and I wanted to show you because I love it so much on the glow bronzer and look at this look at this you just you just twist it up obviously not that far because it will break we twist it up and you just put it on your skin and then you just rub it in it also works on your neck on your arms on your legs big enough for your body but it's small enough to use on your face you look a little bit done when you feel undone this is ego right outside moving away from all the products I actually want to talk about two things to do to help with your spoons in the long term the first one I want you to write down things that make you happy like for me it would be baths but write down the things that make you happy when you are in a good mindset when you actually have spoons write down all of those little things because when you don't have spoons your brain will not tell you what you need to do I need you to have that list and I need you to go to that list and force yourself literally force yourself to do something on that list because your brain does not want you to because it cannot think of the things that make you happy have a happy list and I also want you to have a happy bank so basically what I do is when I am feeling good content in a really happy environment I will close my eyes and I will count to 10 and in those 10 seconds I will hear what's going on around me feel every sensation I'll give you an example just close your eyes and just imagine this I'm sitting outside surrounded by my family and my dogs it's a beautiful sunny day there were soft jazz playing in the background we had made some food we were just chatting you know the little bees going around and it was just so beautiful and the smell and the air was so nice and fresh and I just closed my eyes and I made my whole family do this and I told them all to just count to 10 and take every single feeling sound taste smell everything and just collect it into those 10 seconds and then just put it into a box in your brain and put it on a shelf and when you are feeling really bad and spoonies will know this feeling where you think you are never going to feel better again you are so locked into feeling bad for so long and you think this is never going to change take one of those boxes off the shelf and open it and close your eyes and just remember what those 10 seconds felt like in that moment and that is what really helps me get through it so I hope that it will help you too so that's kind of everything I hope that you enjoyed this one very casual I'm gonna struggle with editing this so I might not really edit it too much and just see what happens I'd much rather have done this in a lot more structure but then I was thinking that would be a lot more work and I don't have that many spoons I hope that you still enjoyed this one you maybe gained something from it and if you're having a difficult time I'm sending you an extra spoon we'll all share spoons here put a spoonie in the chat or spoonie in the comments and we'll all just share our spoons together and we'll get through it together and just remember that things don't stay bad for that long and as always my friends be kind to yourself be kind to others you are doing the best you can and you should be super proud of yourself we can only work with the cards that we've been dealt and you're playing a pretty decent hand so keep going and I will see you in video releasing my hair kept getting stuck to my eyelashes the whole time I'm gonna look at this footage and be like what was I doing