 I think I think what I'll do is we're left. Okay. Okay. Hey friends before we jump that you're watching behind in scenes behind the scenes divine intimacy radio part two with jordan berck overcoming addiction and and things like that us porn addiction But um before we start the show I want to tell you about one thing only and that is that The 2020 abalus summit has opened up 100 seats We were basically sold out We opened up 100 more seats because we're doing it in a larger venue than we initially planned So it's going to be on spirit to warfare Bishop strickland will be there father rippiger father denis mcmanus. It's cathleen beckman, etc Uh, so if you want to do that it's till i 15th through the 17th this summer coming summer spiritualdirection.com forward slash events. It will blow your mind. I promise by the rippiger is going to talk about um authority and spiritual warfare and help lay people understand What their participation can and can't be Father mcmanus was is probably the best speaker i've ever heard in my life And I know a lot of good speakers. So it's really going to be something special. So, uh, July 15th through the 17th 2022 at catholic university of america Uh spiritualdirection.com forward slash events, okay Raid jump into the show Yep, we're good. Ready to go mark. Is it go? This is dan and jordan berck. Welcome to divine intimacy radio your radio radio haven of rest Your hermitage of the heart very good your monastery of the mind where we what you think since i'm sitting I normally produce it. You think I've heard it about 120 000 times. I know it by now Right, right, right. So your monastery of the mind where we lift our hearts and minds to heaven to draw near to the one Who has all the answers to our brokenness and that's what we're talking about is broken That's jordan the first show we did jordan shared a lot of his testimony of falling away and what led to that and then His reversion and we kind of covered that not in depth but a little bit And today we're going to shift and this show we're going to shift a little bit To talking about his ministry but before we do that I want to I want you to talk to parents And I want you as a wayward kid who was you know, you were breaking our hearts So I'm just it wasn't easy for us, right But as a wayward kid, I want you to just talk a few minutes to parents Um, maybe tell them what stuffy and I did right if there's anything we did wrong that we you would Think we should have done better And what they can do to help a child that's gone off the rails, right? Well, I've told you some of this before I mean the best thing That y'all did for me that when I when I look back and try to analyze all of that and go through it as painful as it is um One of the the thing that I zero in on most Is the firm foundation that you guys had set Would in faith and and just like the rules that you had as Parents, yeah, right I think The easiest way I can explain that is when someone is wayward like I was wayward when someone is lost like I was lost Lost is probably the most apt term It's the world is spinning especially when you're in pain and you're being crushed The world is spinning and you're lost and you don't know what where am I gonna go and in my case I'd been burned by so many people, you know, and I'd burn I'd burn bridges myself and and cause damage in relationships And I needed a firm foundation to stand up. I needed some direction And so that firm foundation that y'all had created in the faith. You're solid in the faith It's like this is what we believe. This is how we live. This is what we're doing. These are the rules There was no capitulation But there was always open arms. What do you mean? No capitulation and always open that's a really important combination of things, right? It's it's essentially saying I love you You're an idiot what you're doing is what you're doing is sinful and wrong I don't approve of this. I want you here with me But you cannot be here until you clean yourself up. It's it's it's I mean, what is the love of the father What's the love of christ? Why do we as catholics we know that there is a purgatory before we go to heaven? Why? Because we're not perfect. Yeah, we can't enter heaven and embrace christ the way that we are until there's a purifying Right and whether you choose to purify on earth, which I hope you are and I know I'm trying right or you know purification through purgatory It's like god wants you there. Yeah, but you have to be clean Yeah, but I just theologically though. I want to challenge some of the language you sure. I'm a bit. Yeah, yeah You said something like We want you here, but you got to clean yourself up first I Think a more accurate description would be we want you here And we want you near us right always, right? But the closer quarters are for you when you're right with the Lord right that's a better way to say and it doesn't mean that You're perfect because you didn't post conversion. You were not perfect. I'm still not perfect, right And and you've even had a few dark days. Yeah, even one that surprised you not too long By the grace of god few and far between. Yeah Yeah, so it's not you know the prodigal son I mean that's hopefully how we treated you right well, certainly we did it was shared it in the last show Was we did not condemn you we through we basically Rejoiced in you coming back. You thought we might condemn you. You thought I might fire you Right and frankly I would have you would have been right to I was considering right actually because you're working at a Catholic ministry and living contrary to the faith Right, right, so but god be praised. I didn't have to do that. Okay So Now so that's good. I just wanted parents to hear that be constant Don't capitulate don't we always say we don't fund sin, right? So we never provide any structure for sin, right? We if if you're going to live a debauchers life, we don't provide housing, right? We're going to live a debauchers life We don't fix your flat tire even if you don't have the money right walk to work But we're here any time you're willing and ready to turn your life over to god And and we of course we would help you in very dire circumstances But what a lot of parents do that I think is very destructive in these times is they try to protect their children from their The consequence of their sin, right and we didn't even do that after you revert it, right? Right, which is interesting because we both said he has to feel the full weight of what he did in his sin We provided of course work and we encouraged you. I also had to prove myself that this wasn't some false You know reversion sure is a very real thing because you have to you you would hope that Whoever it is in your family was wayward you would hope that that person would come back But you you still have to say okay. Yes come come. I embrace you but But leave that crap over there right and you're and you don't get to bring that into our house Exactly you're making sure that that is left outside, right, you know, so it's very much like oh, yeah, we're glad you're here, but How you doing right? Staying clean like what's going on. Let's have a conversation right which is right and that's how it that's how it should be So let's turn the corner now because that was cool. I was a lot of fun to go through all of that I hope it wasn't too painful for you. I'm used to it at this point Give my testimony like 5,000 times right So now let's talk about your ministry So you you started getting right and I think you said you had a fascination with what you learned at the treatment center for pornography addiction You had a fascination what you learned at the treatment center Which began then you so talk about how the harder thing emerged where folks can find at do the harder So primarily it's on instagram at do the underscore harder thing do the underscore harder and that yeah Someone took the actual the name but that's okay, and then I have a website with resources that we can get into later That's just straight up do the harder thing dot com. Okay. Um, so yeah, so I was really fascinated. I had gone through um Bethesda day one they tell you This is going to be four days treatment center treatment center. Where's that at tennessee? So if they want to find oh amazing recommendation 100 recommendation. They're not catholic What what's interesting is so it's christian based but they I remember one of the class one of the days They said yes, we're going to go through this uh prayer exercise It's actually called lexio divina. We took it from the catholics There's some catholic elements there and I didn't you know, I wasn't as theologically Educated as I am now and I'm still learning but I didn't never caught on to anything weird when I was there that I can remember So nothing contrary So if anyone's wondering it seems like they're totally squared away. They're not trying to convert you to protest No, no, no, no, this is it's all like hey, this is how we help and this is where god is walking through So Going through the does the day one they say this is going to be these four days are going to be 100 hours The equivalent of 100 hours of intensive therapy intensive And it was intense. So it's impatient. Yeah. Oh, I stayed there for four days with a group of other guys And it was a large group of 60 men and then we broke down into groups of like six I think so we was a lot of individual care It was incredible and still friends with those those men to this day. We still check on check in on each other So taking a lot of the principles there that I was I've always been fascinated with cognitive function. Anyway So learning that stuff and then getting out and continuing to see healing So I went to a 12 step program, you know Pretty much all of the 12 step programs are based off of AA's 12 steps They may change with the name and maybe la and maybe sa and maybe whatever N a but it's all the same principle. So yeah, just for people who are listening narcotics anonymous Alcoholics, right sexaholic synonymous, right, right, right Uh, but there was I kept there was things that were kind of grinding at me and and some of those not all of them But then some of them I couldn't figure out what it was. I'm sitting there and I'm going through the process I'm reading the books. I purchased all these other books on addiction. I'm just going because if I'm gonna do this I'm gonna I'm gonna do this period. Yeah, and I have my daughter You know, it's like I need to be the father that she deserves like this. I'm going beyond all in whatever's beyond all in That's where I'm going. Yeah So in conjunction with the faith also studying addiction Ted talks and reading these books on psychology and all these other different things Uh, so 12 step groups multiple 12 step groups and then finally a celebrate recovery, which was fantastic Celebrate recovery is a christian based A. A essentially a is not I'm using that as a general term. They you they speak of higher powers to right. It's not focused Yeah, and uh, I actually talked about this on on milo show But the biggest issue that I had and I'm not knocking Just so people are aware. I'm not knocking these but I I believe that language is important This is one of the things that I've kind of learned in my studies and where one of them says Hey, my name is jordan and I'm powerless against lust The other one says hey, my name is jordan and god has helped me battle through this Strut it's rightly ordered. It's more it's it's more accurate to scripture. Right. Yeah, it's rightly ordered It's not putting power where power doesn't belong that sort of a thing right And I think that's a huge makes a huge impact. So say it again the differences So the difference is so the the this is just the one I went to I know I have some friends who are still in AA and they love it But the one that I went to Said hey, my name is jordan and I'm powerless against lust Right, right the difference with celebrate recovery. See our was hey, my name is jordan and by the grace of god He's helped me struggle through or helped me travel through whatever the language is Uh through focuses on god and his power and strength right not on your broken right It's rightly ordered. It's still it's still Identifying the brokenness. It's still saying that I need god in order to get through this right, but it's not saying I'm powerless against this thing as if you can't take any action that's going to help you to get precisely And in my own strength that may be powerless against it But it's important to note when you know the truth Of christ that he he grace sufficient to the day, right? Yeah, he wants to give you What you need to overcome whatever that temptation is that day Whatever the brokenness whatever the bro you need to be healed Grace sufficient to the day. Yeah, we know that to be truth So if that's the truth then we need to start treating these struggles with that truth, right? And so through all of that I just found Even cr was great It was a great next step And I there was other groups I was a part of as well that I don't quite remember at the time or at the moment But I noticed they were all lacking something And so what I started doing was okay, this works really well for me from Bethesda these three four things Okay, cool these three or four things from cr work really great for me. These things work really great Okay, let's combine those and then now since at that time I was full on into writings on the saints and the council of trend and the catechism all the catechisms Let's take aspects here because there's a lot of gold. There's a lot of really good helpful material there and understanding What you're going through and on top of that finally Taking what I've learned about the very minor things that I've learned about Neurophysiology or physiology You know all that kind of stuff neural pathways You know some psychology and combining all those things And I was able to eventually create a five-step action plan That's proven to be pretty effective at least from what people have told you called an immediate action immediate action Right. So after the break when we come back, let's jump into The immediate action plan and we'll also talk about people, you know where folks can find it So this is Dan and Jordan Burke divine intimacy radio and we'll be right back after the break So, um, okay. All right. This is great. This is great caffeine is my friend today I did sleep better last night. Okay Ready to roll and your market said go welcome back to divine intimacy radio This is Dan and Jordan Burke today. Stephanie's off gallivanting at a theology of the body Conference learning that great wisdom from st. John paul's second And we're talking about sexual addiction porn addiction and recovery The this is the second show Two and if you want to find all the shows eventually you'll find them out on spiritualdirection.com And then also they'll be aired on ewtn radio, which we're grateful to ewtn for that And you can find jordan and his information out at do the harder thing underscore Do the same instagram do the underscore harder thing do the underscore And then uh, and then the website is just do the harder thing So the any resources that we talk about going forward you can find them on on the website Now on your website, they have to like create you have to put in their email to get the resources You can't so here's the deal. Um, I I do this because I'm so passionate about setting people free There's no money involved. I make these resources and put them out for free Especially on these ones if you're if you're worried about, um, your identity or whatever I've tested it. You can put in fake emails. You can put in fake names to download the resources it But you do ask for an email so you can give it it's just the process of of how the website has download setup And you have to email them the Resource it is better to put in your actual email So you'll get you'll get the resource you'll get a link immediately But it's better to get your email because if you lose the link it will email you the resource as well So you have it in your email, but I don't I don't have an email list. I don't do any of that stuff I'm just just the way that my website is set up That's how that's how it works. Okay. Yeah, great So but you you asked how did I get into this and and I don't want to skip over that before we get into the actual resource But so studying through all these different things And learning and finding these methods that helped I started having conversations with people just out of the blue And I think it was Providence where God is saying hey, this is someone who needs to hear what you're going through So I'd have a friend come and say, hey, you know, I heard you going through all this stuff What's going on and that brutal honesty that I I came with to y'all with I used with everybody And I would tell them And almost every time they would kind of pause there would just be this What's going on and there'd be this kind of moment of silence And they'd say, you know, I've been struggling with porn for a long time as well And it was just this this these beautiful moment and it happened So many times I was like, well look like I'm sorry I I know your struggle clearly Um, this is what I'm doing and it's been helpful and you know, hopefully it helps you too You know, it's interesting just this side note. I don't want to get off track, but Were a lot of those comments from people who are would would call themselves traditionalists No, at that time, I really didn't have any traditional I was going to the latin mass at that time, but I didn't really have any I was just general catholic connections. Just general people connections Even people from the old the church I was going to Yeah, and just people that I knew from the police force or whatever like it was just kind of all spectrums of people Yeah, I've heard and I don't have any data to back this up But that it actually Father Ripperger I think it's talked about that for whatever reason there's certain aspects of traditionalist culture and I you know, I I put myself in that realm as well that A lot of there's a lot of problems with porn and with guys and and even though They're faithful, right and usually devout There's a lot of issues there. I could theorize but I think that'd probably be another another show show. Yeah so I noticed this trend of helping other people and I was so interested In the process and of course again like healing is a continuous thing You constantly have to work at healing and you constantly have to be on guard I've used the analogy like you may have closed the door But at some point the enemy's going to come and try that handle. He's going to he's going to wiggle the handle and see Always. Yeah, is it is it open? Is it unlocked? Are you really free? Right. Did you unlock? Did you leave the door unlocked? And by the way, when does he do that? Whenever you're at your weakest I in general, whatever you're at your weakest There's some acronym, right? So yeah, so I guess we can get into the to the action plan, but it's halt is the more common acronym use which is Hungry angry lonely tired and then bored would be added on there as well. Yeah, but so now we're jumping into the resource So through the process of helping people I I started creating these resources mostly for myself So I had easy access here compiling these easier cheats Right, exactly And then I started giving them out and then do the harder thing came later Which we can get into But so this what I'm about to read from I call the shedding blood is the title It's called the immediate action plan. Where does shedding blood come Hebrews 12 for Which is in your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood So don't be a wuss. You're not going to get over the sin. Listen. I read that and it was so impactful It's this this it's like, okay That's the standard. Nobody overcomes any pattern of sin Halfheartedly bottom line if you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood You ain't trying hard enough. You're not trying hard. Yeah, I'm like, okay. If that's the standard I'm all in so it's called shedding blood immediate action plan immediate action plan because these I believe are steps that you can Immediately take right in order to start overcoming. So tell them what it is. Number one By far is utilizing blocking and accountability software. I still use covenant eyes to this day Any device that I have that has a screen has covenant eyes and I have multiple people Who are my accountability partners? They get an email that it's you're an idiot if you step out of line They're getting an email and they know and they call there. It's it's a phone call. It's a text message It's you're there's no getting around it. Awesome. So you're blocking it and and and I have to stress the accountability is a must A lot of people men and women because they both struggle with this We'll try to just do the blocking software. It's not enough. You can't do it alone It's it's accountability isolation is the is the is the playground of the devil And you you have to have community to help you get free. Exactly. And by the way, that's just Spirit to life generally, right? There's there are no lone wolf christians who are true disciples of jesus period, right? Um, so number two is what you mentioned and I call it learning your triggers So halt hungry angry lonely tired And this is just really analyzing when are you most tempted? Because it's different for different people if I had a dollar for every time I told people Hey, what time what time of day this is I don't remember where I learned that but what time of day Is there is there a trend there? Then that like people the light bulb turns on so before I forget I want to point people So we're we're going to keep talking about your resource But on apostoli va.org. We have an overcoming habitual sin. Yes, and I have a long section on this exact thing Where what are your triggers and what's your escape route? So Apostoli va.org a p o s t o l i v i a e.org You can create a profile just like with jordan. He and I have the same heart. It's all free Right. We're just trying to help you get free And it's overcoming habitual sin. There's an overbit coming habitual sin worksheet. Why don't we put this resource there too? We can do that. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Keep going and currently So we will be on apostoli va.org. You can also get it like I said on do the harder thing dot com Um, so number one is removing the drug Removing access to the drug as best as you can the inebriation of whatever it is right? It's I tell people They don't have a a and a brewery for a reason, right? You have to remove You can't you can't you can't try to start healing if you if you have an open portal next All right, just not so they don't have a a and a brewery Yeah, and then the second one is analyzing the way that you're gonna know worse. You got to use this They don't have assay sex a haul. It's anonymous in a porn shop, right? So then the second one is Analyzing your weaknesses and where you're most likely to be attacked So I've been trying for a long time to finish this book I just haven't had time but if you think about it in military tactics, and I don't want to lose people here But you have a camp someone's attacking it. Where's the weakness and all this is learning your triggers is simply Okay, they got through that wall. What is that wall? Okay, if that why is it there right if that wall is for a lot of people social media Scrolling late at night. That's a super common one. That's a weakness You need to get rid of it and you need to fortify. Yeah, okay and now expect an attack from another side What's the other tech that's all that's learning your triggers? That's all that is and I go in the in depth into this in a video on on my instagram somewhere Number three is sacraments. So reconciliation in the Eucharist as often as possible I know someone who too told me if it wasn't for daily Daily mass they would have never overcome that was the strength They knew that that was the strength that they needed to start overcoming That that is super important and by the way, this is structured in in such a way that We you know, I'm really heavy on reconciliation But what's important is you have to have a firm purpose of amendment otherwise What is that firm purpose of amendment is? Saying I have sinned going to confession saying I have sinned But if you go and you confess but you have no plan to not go back for that same thing You're I just did a show with father Matthew on the father Matthew McDonald You're essentially committing sacrilege. It's it's abuse of the sacrament So you have to have some sort of plan which is a firm purpose of amendment This is my choice my plan to not try my hardest to not do this sin again The beauty of this which I didn't discover till later. I think it was total God movement is number one and number two Could number one is certainly could act as your firm purpose of amendment to start with You'll as you grow and progress you'll have to learn different ones But that's just so we're talking about the immediate action plan From do the harder thing right and we covered which points so far one two and three So uh blocking accountability learning your triggers sacraments and the number four, which is really important is mortification Uh, a cease life of a ceaseless, right? So basically self-giving self-denial purposeful In order to subjugate your lower nature your flash to your intellect and will that's it exactly Start denying yourself as often as possible whether it's cold showers fasting You know, I just did a thing on fasting a lot of people weren't aware of that You know traditionally you're supposed to fast for meat every Friday. Yeah, you know, it's a basic one That's really easy to start when we do it in our household Wednesday and Friday. That's the that's the more traditional Or for the back. Yeah, historical, you know Those different denying of self as you said whenever you can subjugate your flesh Your lower nature to your intellect to your will into your will It's you're going to have a significantly easier time So the intellect is formed in what's true writing good The will chooses what's true writing good And the your lower nature follows and it actually becomes an instrument of redemption instead of slavery, right? Sorry, go ahead. Well, and if you the the flip side of that is If your lower nature rules you then your intellect and will become dark and weakened And so you've got to flip that on its head and go intellect will what's true? I choose to do what's true and then your lower nature follows and facilitates that and what's fascinating is that our bodies Respond to this in a lot of ways because when you when you are frequently watching porn There's a there's a process there You have some sort of trigger and it reinforces and you create a neural pathway. This is like there's there's science to back this You create a neural pathway So now you do this enough whenever you have a hard day at work when you inebriate with pornography or alcohol Or food or whatever it is You've created a neural pathway so that every time you get stressed your body goes. Oh, hey Wait a minute We know how to relieve this and it seeks that inebriation So when you are subjugating your lower nature to your intellect and will it By the nature of what you're doing helps break those neural pathways and rebuild new Properly formed. So did we get through your whole action plan? There's one more go real quick prayer because nothing else matters Yep, that's it. What's the best book we've ever written on that, uh, which yours are Into the deep right well, we got two good ones now. Yeah into the deep and then uh, uh, I'll fonds the gory's that you just yeah, it's a great means of salvation Prayer great means of salvation. Easiest one to get into is into the deep. All right. Tell them how to find your stuff We got to wrap it up. Uh, is this the first or the second? This is the second second Okay. Yeah, do the harder thing dot com instagram do the underscore harder thing Right, and then we mentioned the possibly va dot or overcoming habitual sin I think we're going to put these two shows and maybe some more out on a new mini course for just pornography Awesome. All right. Well, jordan. It's been great having you on the show And uh, hopefully it's been I know of no doubt a big blessing to our listeners So until next time may the god of peace make you perfect in holiness May he preserve you whole an entire spirit soul and body irreproachable at the coming of our lord jesus christ Amen Awesome. So