 Hello, welcome back to me plus you is us Hi, and welcome back to me plus you is us. This is another video for you Yes, and this time. Oh, my name is Elaine and I'm Kwame I'm pulling Elaine back because she tends to want to go over the mic. Whoop. Whoop Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but anyway, we're back with another video and we're talking about raising an interracial child and building community and What we've experienced or how it's been so far. Mm-hmm. Yeah, how's it been so far? Well so far I've realized that Well, we did talk about it in one of our videos that Yeah, the things that have surprised us the most about Becoming new parents it's how the people around you also change to fit so it's more like the universe taking care of you once a baby comes in and The community has been one that has not been forced. That's what I'm really happy about Yeah, and one thing I'm also really happy about is the fact that everybody around us is very open-minded very empathetic understanding, you know Also Respecting boundaries and not going over if you do tell them that oh no I don't do this or we don't do this this way for the baby or We prefer that if you're gonna handle the baby or do this with a baby you do this way They don't take offense like they are really happy to just Yeah, and that's just a general Overview of how I feel about What's with experience? Yeah, I Don't know if it necessarily relates to interracial. I think it's just more Being fresh parents. Yeah, and how people around you Act to it. I think for like Raising a baby. I mean he's now three months in two cultures So you won't remember a lot But I think for us it was nice that we've had some time in Netherlands and then now we have our time in Ghana Yeah, and there's there are differences I think In like in Netherlands you have to culture that you visit like the baby individually The most gifts are like fun gifts Like toys. Yeah, well here in Ghana people really like put together functional things like diapers wipes But body lotion soaps. Yeah, which I really appreciate. Yeah, so Here yeah, as she's saying people come with things that you would need and use Yeah, we actually use all the gifts that people gave us here That's the beauty but it's a good like balance because then we have some Books and toys from Netherlands and then we have the very practical things that we need to use on a day today from Ghana Yeah, even though of people so nice plurge with toys, but I got it's mostly functional, but it's nice Yeah, that's I think that's because The general I mean babies are expensive. That's worldwide but Ghanians go on the tangent of they know how much people usually Cry or complain about whoa. I've got so much baby food or whoa. Do you know how much diapers cost or you know? Yeah, they think of that and they think that okay if I'm bringing just a little bit of that Yeah, then if somebody else is bringing another bit then it's enough if you compile Yeah, it's a lot to use for a few months Yeah, and I think one thing we also did intentional is that the baby has a Ghanaian godparent and a Dutch parents, yeah Because we think it's important for him to have Like godparents in the first place because I don't think the baby should learn everything from us Because we also don't know everything So that is these are his people like if he has anything in his life He wants to discuss and besides the fact that it's I mean we're not only people going to raise a baby It's also that's we are From two cultures so geographically if we're presenting Ghana or even if the godmothers are both in Netherlands or wherever they find themselves He has two places. He can be or can go. Yeah, you know, so if geographically we're here as godmother is here geographically we're there has a godmother in the Netherlands and It works that he has these two people in his life to take care of him besides family. Yeah, and Close relatives who are also in charge of his well-being Yeah, and I think for us it will be difficult to understand how it is for him to grow up like in between two cultures and also being Ghanaian and being Dutch That's like that blend we will never really understand but I do think Fortunately or but we didn't really force it, but we have a few Mixed nationalities friends as well. Yeah Some have already have like a community kids some not yet or some I don't know about our plans, but yeah I think it's it's important that it's nice that we have Also people who fits in like kind of the same category as it as I agree is us and him Yeah, because it can be difficult like having two cultures Having two different races people interact differently with us so it's nice to find that sense of Things to talk about that people recognize it and I hope the baby will also get some Yeah support in that sense Because I don't think it's easy Growing up in two cultures, but on the other hand there's such abundance Yeah, I think that's also one thing we really consciously Decided like for us. There's not one way to raise the baby So even though Dutch grandma will do things differently than Ghanaian grandma like both Ways are allowed to be there like he's not only our child It's also their grandchild and they also have a one-on-one relationship with him and if that's Until some Dutch ways of doing things or Ghanaian ways of doing things it can be Exposed to both and decide for himself. Yeah, what works? Yeah, I Mean what's what's we would hope or what we look forward to is the fact that I mean When they reached that stage where they're asking a lot of why is that these people around us are able to articulate the reason behind some of these Yeah, cultural differences. Yeah, so to give them guidance because The wise we're not I for one growing up a lot of The parenting styles or the prayer here in Ghana You're not allowed to ask a lot of why to get a lot of explanation This is more like your parents know is best and that was it. Yeah, so we are hoping that with how things are opening up with how Newfound vocabulary for a lot of things that people go through and the fact that the world is actually becoming more and more A place for people like him as in being interracial or having two nationalities No, that they are You know well equipped to answer these questions for him so that in his head He's not going about wondering if I belong here or I don't belong here or if I do this So that he's navigation becomes rather And I hope he feels that he belongs in both, but maybe you will have a preference and that's also fine. Yeah And I think one thing I mean for me being like the white parent or the white mother like it's of course a bit Weird in a way that society marks our baby as black Like that's what people see, right? So I think for me, that's where there's a big learning opportunity because of course, I'm aware about like My color whiteness versus living in a place where majority of the people are black So I'm aware of that, but I think raising a black child is gonna like open up a whole new New kind of words of things to deal with Both in Ghana and in the Netherlands Because that was also the case when Kwame came to Netherlands and I was very I mean I was Looking up my English is below looking Like closely to how people interact With Kwame and not all interactions are marked by race But there were some interactions that were marked by race and I was so surprised because I've never experienced that so up close, yeah, and I'm not saying it's only gonna be negative But I do think there it will open me up to even a bigger awareness and learning and learning Yeah, like how to navigate these things and Yeah, because ultimately, I mean he would go out he would experience things and He would come and ask us either you or me and he would not come and ask because if something happened to him in a maybe racially charged way That you would want to find out from only the mother why this is happening or only the father why this is happening Whoever is available if you can explain to him. So we are both tasked with Knowing how to have these conversations Yeah, and I do think we we do have a good foundation to talk about these difficult things like difficult Encounters because I mean it is a difficult conversation to have even in your relationship. Yeah, that's along with your children But definitely something we need to have and I'm I don't know. I'm just curious to see How things will unfold and I'm like I'm sure I'll make mistakes But I'm ready to learn and see how best we can do this together And that's also why it's nice. We have a community of both Dutch people Both gonna people black people white people people from other who are in the middle Yeah, we'll have both experiences from yeah, and I think it's it's I hope that that will help us also navigate some of these situations that will be coming at us and how to do that in the kind of a Centered way. Yeah, I guess I guess we're lucky That we're surrounded by these people I think I don't know how we attracted them But the people around us I can confidently say our people that we're happy to have in our Circle and in our social space Yeah, but I do think so. I I agree. We're lucky. Yes, so it's I mean chance is also a big part of it But we are also very intentional about how we spend our time. Yeah, so it's also how we have grown Over the years and how intentionally you check up on people and we really take our time We're careful. Yeah, yeah, like if it's not real like I'm not gonna hang out with you Like if I can't talk about something that's on my mind I'm not I mean it's we can have fun and all but then the depth of the conversations and Possibility of learning from each other and the support you get in turn. Yeah, I mean bouncing back. This is very important And we've been able to consciously Yeah build such community and and I think also what helps us a lot and that's also if you've watched our videos before like We we try to learn from each other and I think we're doing for me I do the same with like mother-who tricks and stuff. I have a few colleagues at work. You also just gave birth and One is a mix like she's Dutch and Congolese and the other one is from to go so but she's here in Ghana for a long time So everybody has like different tips and tricks and I'm like, oh, are you doing it like this? And like this and and then we're comparing notes. I'm like, oh, are they doing that? Are they doing that in Netherlands? I'm like, no, I don't think so Yeah, so I guess It's like You practice You come back to evaluate you move forward. Yeah, it's a lot But well, I guess we'll see how it goes. You cannot really I mean you can have certain principles, but Yeah, I take open-mindedness is one and Open-mindedness in like open for other cultures and habits, but also open to Acknowledge that we aren't we don't know everything Yeah So we're open for feedback. We're open to learn from others. Whether it's like our parents or our friends or Colleagues who can help? Yeah, our professionals. Yeah So yeah, so we're really happy with that and We want to know if you're also in our situation and how it's going with the kind of community around your child And your family and your circles Yeah, if it's a conscious efforts or You're struggling and if I mean you want to share why you're struggling and maybe we can check out on how Yeah, maybe we're totally missing a few points. I mean, we're just parents for three months now So everything is very fresh But so far not uncomfortable with our social circles. That's the part where I really am appreciative of Yeah, I think the the community we've grown is very diverse and and very There's a lot of trust Like you can call each and one of them like, okay, this was happening. Yeah, everybody's an uncle and an auntie and Please like join the party. Yeah, it's nice uncle and auntie that we have consciously Chosen for our child. Yes, they made they made the the the bar. Yeah So, yeah, we're happy. Yeah Okay, I think this was it for now. I'm sure this is a topic we'll like revisit circle back to yeah and If I just like to talk like a work term, let's circle back to circle back. Yes business will offer us and all the emails Anyway, yeah, thank you so much for watching It's work in progress we're curious about the comments and We'll catch you in the next one. Yeah Bye