 I don't even know how to start this video but I want to start posting on my channel again hopefully and I can't well not that I can't but I I rather do that knowing that I've already put what I'm going through out there and by going through I mean this so yeah I want to start posting videos again it's gonna be rough but I do want to get back on that I actually have a lot of old videos that just need to edit and post and I might post old videos and I might post some new ones but regardless I just wanted to post this first and try and ease my way back into social media especially on the business side because I've been really MIA and for a good reason not gonna get into the details in this video but I this pregnancy so far has been a struggle and even right now as I'm talking I don't feel well I have a migraine and the spitting and nausea and all of that if if you knew how my pregnancy with Josiah went if you're my friend and like know me personally for me to say that this one is actually worse in terms of the sickness and stuff you know it's bad because I went through it when my last pregnancy as well and it's really hard to film talking videos right now because of the spitting and hawking and stuff but one of my symptoms is that my body is producing excess saliva so and I can't just swallow it because then that makes it makes me nauseous and then I want to vomit so I have to spit it out so I have a spit bottle I don't have it out here with me cause I'm outside right now but yeah I have a spit bottle and on top of the spitting mucous is excess mucous is forming in my throat which is another symptom not gonna get into the details in this video because I'm already trying to not spit but yeah but the lighting is better this way but what was I saying see I don't lost my train of thought but yeah those are the two symptoms that would actually prevent me from recording talking videos because it'll be a very hard time editing out all of the breaks I take to spit and it's not pleasant but it is a symptom of my pregnancy and it is what it is I have to accept it and y'all don't but it is what it is but yeah I am pregnant I am currently 15 weeks and three days I'm showing way more like how my body look now it's how I looked at seven months when I was pregnant with Josiah but I started showing way sooner this time and I've been getting it the first trimester I gained a lot of weight because when I first found out I was pregnant I was eating a lot I had a big appetite all of that has changed now I don't have appetite but I gained a lot of weight within those first few weeks so yeah I'm gonna record I'm gonna try and record a video that actually goes into details but this video is just me putting it putting it out there that I'm pregnant and I actually recorded a video a couple days after I found out I was pregnant just it was really for me so and and I was back in February so I might add it to this video just so that you guys can see my initial react reaction but there's a lot of components to it yeah so yeah I'm pregnant baby number two anyways I'm gonna add the other video now probably a clip of it for it's probably like nine minutes I don't know I can't remember I recorded it like I said in February when I first found out so I'm gonna add it to this just to share more info on how I initially felt when I first found out I was pregnant a lot has changed since then we're auto wing April that was back in February so I'm gonna record a separate video to update you guys on basically what I've been experiencing how what I'm going through so enjoy so today is Thursday February 20th 2020 Tuesday February 18 I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive in fact I have it right here see that says pregnant so let me tell y'all how I ended up taking pregnancy tests so on Sunday February 16th I had an event to go to where I was a vendor at you know selling my gem stylistic products it was great I was out there all day very successful event but that night when I came home I wasn't feeling too good and in the next day I felt worse I was going to the bathroom every minute I felt like like diarrhea like I just kept going I assumed I had a stomach bug or something and I also assumed that maybe a brownie that I purchased a vegan brownie that I purchased at the festival this Sunday maybe was upsetting my stomach so I was just like out of it I was tired my stomach was hurting I kept going to the bathroom but I honestly convinced myself that I had a stomach virus or something nothing in my mind ever told me that I was pregnant like it wasn't even a thought and usually if like I start to feel weird that's the first thing that pops into my head but I already had this planned out I was like okay my period came last month it's irregular because I'm still breast feeding but you know once it come this month I'm good and then there's this thing called natural cycle that I was going to get so that I can count my days since my my period is off that would allow me to count my days and know when I'm ovulating or fertile based on my temperature so I was gonna get that in order to you know continue doing my natural bird control method but your girl already knocked up so what happened is that the Tuesday you know I was still feeling off still going to the bathroom like feeling nauseous everything so my fiance was like I don't know you to ever have a stomach virus or feel sick like this so you need to take a pregnancy test I was like a pregnancy test why no he actually said I'm going to buy you a pregnancy test I was like I have a pregnancy test upstairs but why would I need to take that I honestly think this is just a stomach virus he was like no you need to take it and even if it's not that at least you'll be able to rule out pregnancy but you still need to take one so here's the reason I even ended up taking one I went upstairs like who's like this is no big deal like it gonna be negative like I literally did not think I was pregnant yeah I freaked out I freaked out I cried and I cried and I cried and I cried because I do want more children but now in my mind it's not the time and I had no plans to be pregnant this year at all but it is what it is I'm taking it one day at a time trying to accept it I'm trying to make sure this time is different that I'm in a more peaceful and calm mind state throughout everything and I'm trying to think positive and just hoping that I'm not as sick as I was the last time so far instead of like vomiting I've just been shitting a lot and if I'm being honest I rather that than throwing up every morning so if that continues then by all means let it continue but this time does feel different so far I did go on Google and put into a calculator is a some pregnancy calculator thing to determine how far along I am and based on the first day of my last period I should be six weeks and yeah I haven't gone to the doctor yet I haven't thought about scheduling an appointment yet I think I'm still in denial for the most part but I just want to take this one day at a time I do have a doctor's appointment tomorrow but that was from another appointment it's like a follow-up because I did some blood work so that appointment is a follow-up appointment and you know I'll just speak to my doctor one time but this is very unexpected I don't want to tell anybody don't need people that know it of course is my fiancee and my parents that's it my sisters my siblings nobody know my friends don't know and that's mainly because I don't want to hear the whole oh that's why I'm on birth control because my choice for not using birth control is a personal choice and it's a choice that I made based on my health based on protecting my reproductive system because I know I do want more children in the future and I know that if I was able to count my days the way I used to I would be able to continue my natural birth control method but I wasn't able to and I procrastinated too much on getting the natural cycle thermometer and app that would have helped me do that and that's on me but I'm just trying to remind myself that the universe isn't gonna give me more than I can handle and maybe this is happening for a reason you know my son is he'll be 19 months tomorrow and I had no absolutely no plans on having two children this year like I I really didn't but it is what it is and at the end of the day a child is a blessing and that's how I'm gonna look at it but for now I am just keeping this to myself because I don't need judgment from anybody from my friends my family nobody like I don't want if one person telling me oh you should have been on birth control I think I will pop off on them so I'm just keeping it to myself right now and we'll see how it goes I might tell my friends maybe next month or so you know this changes a lot I had a girl's trip time for my birthday in May then now I have a baby bump and I don't know I still want to do it but like I don't know how they're gonna feel about it I just don't need the judgment like I really don't like I've I've already beat myself up and I'm trying to make this video without crying I cried enough already I'm just trying to be positive and if me sharing this information with anybody is gonna bring any negative energy into my mind and my my space right now I rather just keep it within my little family of course I told my mom because she is my go-to person she's my rock so I told her but that's it that's the only people that know right now that's the only people that's gonna know until I decide to tell others which I don't know when that will be so I am just gonna see how this goes like I don't even know I am gonna try to document this journey and maybe sure in the long run but I know I won't be sharing it right now so if you are watching this in the future thank you for watching and you guys will see me in my next video