 A lot of the people who view my content are actually like dads, and they're like, I'm trying to get an idea of what women are like today so I can better advise my son. That was some, honestly it was some of them shocking to me because I also came in thinking oh it's full of incels, there are some incels, I ain't got a lot to you. But there are a lot of dads, there are a lot of good brothers who are like, yo, why is my good behavior not being rewarded? Why isn't it being incentivized? What is this going to mean 20 years from now? What kind of men is our community going to produce? That's what I thought about Stefan Speaks, you ever watch his stuff? I met him, he's cool. I love him. Yeah, he's cool and relaxed. But just, and I don't know his statistics or anything, but I see that most of his viewers are women. But I think that he's unique in the sense that he is telling women the truth, he knows how to verbalize it, right, because I feel like when you're talking to women you can't, I just, I'll just generalize it and say you have to sugar coat in some ways, right. So it's like you have to, okay maybe you could do this instead of being like you need to do this and he understands that and so he's still getting the messages across that a lot of men would probably want women to understand, but I don't see as many men support him. Even though women are receptive, I think women are receptive to the things that he says, so. Well, I think most, most men in the hemisphere from being real, what I'm seeing is a lot of guys are more interested in catharsis instead of progress, like they just want to hear somebody articulate what they thought or what they think to women and just tell them, right, as opposed to communication, because communication is a two way street. And for me, I used to be like that, like when I think back at some of the conversations I would have with my sisters, for instance, I would, I was one of those people who would try to like intellectually cross you over and dunk on you, right. And I started realizing that it's ineffective. It doesn't work. People will just, they'll stonewall. And then I learned about love languages. And I realized that a lot of times, like my love languages acts as service, physical touch. So I would show people love in the way that I would want it to be shown to me. And I would see that they weren't, they didn't appreciate the fact that I just did this and did that and then I realized, oh, she just want to spend time with you. So I say that to say that effective communication is being able to speak the person's language. And fortunately or unfortunately, the female delegation women need more, you know, flower read and beautiful. So do you think about it this way and let's go from here to here, whereas men need like, you old bitches, you need to do that right there. And it's like, it doesn't work like that for women. Do you think that people really want to see progress? Most people don't. Most people don't. Progress is unprofitable. So I would say the larger perspective, and I talk about white supremacy a lot, there's no incentive for our community to get its shit together. Because when we get our shit together, whether in the Americas or globally, white people lose money. Because you can't continue to exploit the Congo if we're coming to the table and negotiating. You can't for a full cold tan or whatever the case may be. You can't continue to exploit black boys, you know, to fill up your prisons and meet quotas if there's community policing and there are intervention programs, you can't. So there's an incentive for us to be shitty towards one another and shitty in general. And then I think most people are bored. So they're just looking for entertainment, just looking for the next bad girls club, the next thing to help me pass time with this miserable life that I'm living. So they don't actually more progress. Like I say, some people don't actually want revolution. They just like the idea of it. I am encouraged by the people who do. A lot of the people who view my content are actually like dads, and they're like, I'm trying to get an idea of what women are like today so I can better advise my son. That was something, honestly, it was something that was shocking to me. I also came in thinking, oh, it's full of incels. There are some incels, I ain't got a lot to you. But there are a lot of dads. There are a lot of good brothers who are like, why is my good behavior not being rewarded? Why isn't it being incentivized? What is this going to mean 20 years from now? What kind of men is our community going to produce? That's a scary question. It's scary. Yeah, I think this kind of parallels what we were saying before about wanting the wedding but not wanting the marriage. Right? So we say we want the end goal of peace and black love, but people don't want to put the work in. Kind of something that you said earlier, I don't feel like I should have to teach you these things and everybody has that mentality. So if no one feels like they have to teach one another anything and we didn't learn from the people who came before us, where do we go from there? That's what I'm trying to figure out. Shit. It's the same. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. That's what I'm trying to figure out. Shit. There are some people I'm encouraged though by some people like drop comments, left messages, emails and like, yo, this shit is men and women. This shit is helping. I've had some people in relationships like, yo, I just sent this video to my boyfriend and we're going to have a conversation about it. Nice. You know what I mean? Like, because for me, I'm not. Super idealistic about friends is monogamy, right? What I am idealistic about is like, we need to at least be able to be in community with each other, whatever that community ends up looking like. It can't look like it did in the 40s. We just can't. There's a different world. And if we're going to do that, we need to know how to communicate. So look at, you know, look at Alan and Tanisha, look at how they just had a three hour dialogue. Beautiful three hour dialogue, communicating effectively, clearly. There was give, there was take, there was concession. And if we can get in the habit of doing that, I think it would be straight. That was beautiful. Yeah, I think that all we really can do at this point is try to pay it forward. So, you know, I hope that I impact my peers and I think I impact people with my feedback. That last video was, whew, you impacted me. I had to check myself. I was like, God damn, I got the same. Yeah, that's real. But it's like, for me, I don't have children, but I have nieces who are coming of age with my family structure. I have nieces who are in their earlier 20s. Damn. And so the beautiful thing about this next generation is that I think they're observant of stuff and they're like, this stuff isn't working. Like I can see that this was wrong, this was wrong, this was wrong. And they're trying to come up with solutions and all we can do is pay it forward to them. And unfortunately, you know, I can say my mother, my grandmother, there are people in my family who didn't take accountability for things. But all I can do is take accountability for myself and realize how it was impacted by those things and pass that knowledge onto them. And I think if we just focus on that, like I told you, even if you touch 10 people, the girlfriend to get back to her boyfriend. So it was just going to keep going on to more people and then you find your tribe. My favorite quote that I've heard recently, it goes like, a nation grows great when old men plant trees, the shade of which they'll never sit. You know, so, you know, a lot of times, you know, we're young. So it's like, I want to see that this shit moved the needle while I'm alive. Yeah. But in the big scheme of things like what, we're going to live 80 years, 90 if we're lucky. This is 400 years in the making. We're not going to change it overnight. All we can do is commit ourselves to at least trying to move the needle in a positive direction. It's frustrating and motherfuckin' over this shit. Yeah. It's frustrating, but what else are we going to do? I think I think it's the most worthwhile way to take out some of this time we have being alive and shit. Yeah. So it's something bigger than yourself. The facts. So you're doing God's work. You're doing God's work, too. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm just trying. I'm trying. I'm just trying. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying, I'm trying. I'm trying, I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying. Any other questions? Anything? We touched on it. We did touch on a lot. We don't know how much we can have and even bigger. Let me take it, let me take it, some questions for you. So you talked about avoided personality, avoidement, attachment, was that yours? I haven't had a chance to really like dive into it so I want you to educate me. How do we undo it? Because the optimal is securely attached, right? Whereas we tend to be, well I don't need your ass no way type, right? Yeah. How do we move another direction? So do you want me to describe what it is for people who don't know? Please. So fearful avoidance attachment style. It's kind of like a push and pull because the fearful side is that you have an anxious attachment to people and so you're constantly worried that they're going to leave and so you try to hold on to them in unhealthy ways. But then the avoidance side of things is that you fear people getting too close and so you push them away. So you crave intimacy, you want affection, you want a relationship, but when you get close to that point you kind of stonewall and push people away. Something that I learned in therapy is that you have to identify what your triggers are. So that's a huge thing just being aware of what triggers you. And so there was an exercise that we did. I think it was called like an arc. You would do an arc chart. So there was some sort of action that happened that impacted you. The R is your response and then C is the conclusion that you came to. So you might say something to me about, hey, you know, I really like the already for us to move in together. And I'm like, absolutely not like I freak out and stuff. And so I have to learn how to draw the conclusions of why I responded that way. And a lot of it in order for you to get to that point is understanding how your trauma impacted you the way they have today. So for me, one of the biggest things that I identified in therapy is that I tend to be a fixer with a lot of people, but I'm a fixer because my parents argued all the time when I tried to fix them. And it's little things like that. Like you wouldn't even think that they're impacting you now, but you have to really go back and do the shadow work. I'm an advocate for therapy 100%. They help you put those pieces together so that you can figure out how to move forward in the future. I think my, I didn't recognize it as an issue until recently, but I spend probably 95% of my time by myself. And I think the good thing is I don't need external validation of it all. The bad thing is I'm not as accommodating of other people's nonsense as I could be or should be because I'm so accustomed to being by myself and being self-reliant all night. For people like me and you, what is the risk to us if we do not move closer to the more securely attached side of things? I'm laughing because Kevin Samuels came into my head where he's like, buy a dog, buy a dog and die alone. Literally I really feel like that's it because you can't have both. You have to pick what your poison is, you know, do something that makes you uncomfortable and try to develop those attachments with people or you will be by yourself. And if you will end up by yourself, do you think that you'll be okay with that? You really have to decide. Final thoughts. I don't know if I have any final thoughts. It's like, it's a lot that I have to unpack. I'm going to be reflected on my ride back home. Like, yeah, we covered, we covered a lot of ground. I think that this sense of being comfortable by yourself or convincing yourself or some people that you're comfortable by yourself is what a lot of us are trapped in. And I found myself in that space because I haven't, I hadn't really dated anybody within the past three years, honestly. Like I've just been really focusing on healing myself, which is good. You know, I want to be the best version of myself for when I find someone. I don't want to come across who my husband should be and I'm not ready for him. But the downside to that is that you do become comfortable by yourself. And it's like you develop a sense of happiness with yourself and you have to learn how to allow other people back into your space. And I think that, again, we're stuck with these unhealthy extremes. It's like we, there are super clinging, jumping into relationship after relationship or we're by ourselves and we don't want to let anybody in. So there has to be a middle ground.