This is how we study in university, children!
4.2 -- 3.9 million years ago
Somewhere in Kenya that I can't pronounce
They found a thing that's ape-like in its parallel tooth row
But human-like in its postcranial morphology
Oh, Australopithecus anamensis
How I wanna be friends-is
But you're too primitive for me
You're just too darn ape-like
In your cranial morphology
But because you may have been bipedal
Let's walk on to the next one now.
4.2 -- 3.0 million years ago
Ethiopia and Tanzania too
Many ape-like and hominin-like specimens were found
But were they really just one species, or could they be two?
Oh, Australopithecus afarensis
How I wanna be friend-is
But you really need to choose
Are you just a sexually dimorphic species
Or are you two?
Make up your darn mind
While I move to the next one now.
3.0 -- 2.3 million years ago
Found in various sites across South Africa
While our brain size now is 1400 cubic centimetres
These guys got by with only 458
No offense to you and your genus
But you must have been pretty dumb
Your only redeeming feature is
South African accents can be pretty hot
So bring your sexy accent with you
When we move on to the next one now.
2.7 -- 2.3 million years ago
In West Turkana, Kenya they were found
Large faces, large skull crests, and enormous teeth
A remarkably primitive hominin by now
I don't even know if I'm
Pronouncing your name right
Why didn't you bother developing
Like everybody else did?
You're too lazy to evolve, so I'm
Moving on to the next one now.
2.2 -- 1.2 million years ago
In Olduvai, Tanzania
People found some 'hyper-robust' hominins that were
Contemporaneous with the genus Homo
Oh, Australopithecus boisei
Go find someone your own size, like
Aethiopicus, who your morphology is similar to
You're just not that important, so
I'm gonna have to say buh-bye
I don't really know much about boisei
So let's quickly move to the last one now.
Somewhere in South Africa, 1 or 2 million years ago
Another robust form was dug up
Their small anterior teeth and large posterior teeth
Were covered in a thick enamel
Oh, Australopithecus robustus
Oh, you're nothing like us
But you must have some really strong teeth
I don't wanna make a fuss, but
I'm afraid you might eat me
Your teeth are kinda scary
So now I'll run away
But I'll run right to the term test
Which now I won't fail