 to you. We are so glad that no matter if you have a significant other you're spending time with or you're just spending a little time with us on Valentine's Day we are so happy to be with you today. I'm here with Pastor Jay and Angela Madden and I know Pastor Jay is so excited because it's Love Day and he's like all geared up and Angela we have something that's so apropos for Valentine's Day today. Tell us about our guests that are coming up. Yes we do. Are you familiar with a little website called YouTube? Most of us are quite familiar with the video streaming site but our guests today know their way around it better than most. With 1.5 million subscribers watching their content aimed at young married living, Nick and Chelsea Hurst join us today to offer some valuable insight into dating, marriage and how to know if the one you are with is the one. Jay and Sydney I'm so excited to dive into this especially given the struggles we see in our culture today. Yeah there's a lot going on out there and I'm so excited I can't lie it is Love Day. I feel the Holy Ghost already. You listen whether you're single whether you're married no matter where it is that you are you know when you're single be in love with Jesus and it's not a cliche get yourself fulfilled get filled up become whole as an individual because you know when we get into marriage marriage is work. I mean y'all know how it is I mean it's a lot and if you aren't full as a person you will bring a deficit into a marriage and when you become complete as an individual you have the ability to invest without any expectation of return because you've already become whole as an individual so I'm loving that we're gonna be able to get into this on a little bit deeper. You know I'm just like grateful we're talking about this conversation because it like we have to keep it real like love it takes work and it's hard and I just always think of you know Jesus is love the agape love that sacrificial love and that's what's called to be modeled in marriage and just how we do life in every day but also we just want to take for a moment and pause and talk for a moment about the tragic news that came out of Michigan State University you probably all have heard or gotten alert on your apps and on the news about the shooting that took place and so we just want to just pray for the universities I mean the shooting that it's really it's out of control in our country and it just seems like you know Angela day after day we hear something else happening and we just want to lift up that community and this conscience could you just pray for a second for absolutely father we just come to you lord and we ask that your tender mercies and your love that is unconditional that is unending and is full of peace would cover every single person impacted by this recent shooting we ask lord that you would spread your arms wide embrace your people and allow them to know that there is hope on the other side of this god we pray that you would guide lead and direct those who are in leadership as they come up with preventative measures for this in the future be with all involved in Jesus name we pray amen amen you know as you're praying you know I think there's so many things that are under attack you know whether it's the lives of people we have to understand that Jesus Christ is coming back soon but you know marriages are under attack as well you know and there's never been a time for us to be aware and understand what it takes to have a happy healthy holy marriage this is the time that we have to do it it's the truth like marriage singles couples there is just an onslaught of attacks left and right and being able to properly navigate that with Jesus is critical so i'm excited that we're going to get to dive into the today's conversation with nick and chelsea and excited to just hear more because it is so important that we have a proper viewpoint of what life and what love is supposed to look like and be and we always just want to offer our prayer line because we understand that today can be hard for a lot of people you know maybe you've been waiting on god for a really long time for a spouse maybe you're walking through a separation or a divorce or maybe you're just going through and sometimes i think these holidays they can be a little triggering so we just want to let you know that we are here for you no matter what state you are in and so give us a call at our prayer line at 888-665-4483 angela so today we are joined by youtube sensations and authors chelsea and nick hurst in their new book marriage minded 10 ways to know if you've found the one chelsea and nick share guidance they received lessons they've learned and deeper questions to ask while navigating one of the biggest decisions in life nick and chelsea we are so glad to have you with us today welcome to hope today thank you we're so excited to be here and it's so cool like technology is amazing we're literally sitting in our living room having a conversation with you guys in your studio that's so cool it is it's wonderful joining from south carolina here with us in pittsburgh and going out all over the globe we are excited to dive into this so i wanted to just start off first and just say listen throughout your book you say oh countless times weren't we don't have 30 years of marriage behind us or under our belt to give advice but i want to truly thank you for the fresh perspective that you offer and truly it is that perspective that we need in this hour and in this culture so thank you for taking the time thank you for being obedient to the voice of the lord and passing along these much needed lessons to a generation of young people when we go here today in your book marriage minded you talk a whole lot about being singled and about being married but let's just hop from the gate what do you think is the biggest issue that is facing our singles today oh man the biggest issue i know that nick and i probably have two different answers but i would say one thing that i see pretty consistency is lack of clarity for our generation and intention i think there's a lot of confusion around even how to pursue another person and how to exactly communicate those expectations up front about what you desire in a relationship and what you've maybe seen that has hurt you in the past whether it's your parents marriage not being so great in an example or um maybe marriages that you saw growing up that were just kind of damaging it could be a whole array of things but i would say just the the phones that we have all of the distractions that can really take hold of our attention they rob us of really sitting across from one another and getting to know truly who that person is and being intentional with one another so i would say that's what i would say but nick probably has a different answer yeah i think i would i i think personally the biggest thing that i've just noticed is a struggle for our generation and for the best time in history is really just the idea that having a spouse or having a great dating relationship or anything like that is going to be what completes us that's going to be the final it's you know there's this really common saying that goes around and you know i think we all have made a joke about it one time or another but you know this is my better half or you know this is the other half and you know while a marriage does take two people i think that when we walk into a marriage when we walk into a relationship thinking that someone else is going to complete us or someone else is liable for fixing us or for for fulfilling all of our deficits and needs then i think that that's a really poor starting point if i'm just being a hundred percent honest i think that when we both walk into a relationship filled up by the love of jesus for us and walk in knowing who we are in him then i think that we're on a much firmer foundation and a much better footing as we start off into a relationship or into a marriage so that would be pertaining to believers and probably you know even unbelievers alike i just think that that would be one of the biggest points of contention that i've seen in this generation i think it's one of the biggest needs right now transparently i agree with both of you i think distractions and not coming into a relationship hoping that somebody else is going to fulfill you and satisfy you what beautiful insight do you feel like when the two of you met that you both felt very much like you were your own person yeah i would say we both come from very different backgrounds we joke about it all the time i come from a really really small town in southern illinois kind of close to st louis missouri and just grew up with the same people seeing the same you know truck stop town just not much to do and then make can kind of share where he comes i come from a farming background in north florida so a very very different culture to how chelsea grew up i think we both grew up in really pretty small towns pretty small places but as far as the culture and the people and just our upbringing they were absolutely very different but i think the benefit is that it afforded us to walk into marriage and really and even into our dating relationship feeling like two very different individuals we felt like two individuals who god had his calling on and his hand on um you know by his grace and so that really afforded us the ability to have some individuality as we walked into our relationship and learn how we work together and uh how our strengths may be complemented one another's weaknesses to you uh nick chelsea i see chelsea you looking at nick i can see you got that glow in your eye how long y'all been married for that's my first question i got a follow-up but what how long you have been married for we've been married for four years next month yeah which is why i think you are a great couple you're young you both are attractive you all got a lot going on you got a year and a half old baby everything's looking good with you guys you're in ministry i think it's outstanding four years into it what is the biggest thing that you would tell single people while they're dating you need to make sure you don't leave this stone unturned oh man yeah i got one ready to go hot off the burner i would say do the hard work and i don't mean just like sit around and read some great books hey i wrote the book like i wrote a book on this and i hope that people will read it but i'm not talking about just sitting down reading a book going through it and making some notes in a journal i mean like really sitting with god and also sitting with leaders in your life who trust you and you trust them and really asking the very difficult questions what are my intentions why am i doing this what do i hope that a relationship will serve and i think really getting down in those deep deep deep um valleys of our hearts and understanding why we're doing certain things not just the what but the why and doing the hard work and allowing god to work in that and to maybe change some things change some opinions change some intentions as time goes on and lead us to being a more holy individual for his namesake then i think that that's probably you know that's that's how i would answer that question transparently i think that that's um i think that that's really needed and i think that that's what i would say to someone who's in a state of singleness right now but knows that they want to date or knows that they want to be married but is just kind of wondering what the first step is yeah and alongside of that just quickly like i think to take it a step deeper a lot of us come from different backgrounds but also we may have different trauma that we've been raised up with and uh naturally psychologically our brains try to forget about that um just to protect ourselves it's just what you know is wired in us but being able to sit down maybe with a counselor or somebody who just really understands that world and helps you unpack and even bring up the memories that you've tried to forget and heal from them and allow God to actually walk you through forgiveness for people and all of those things if i knew to do that before i got married i feel like i would have started so much more healed and whole um rather than you know discovering that i had all this work to do later on into marriage now there is grace in the midst of that if you're already married and you're walking through that great you have another person to do that with too but i will say there's so much uh just wisdom and knowing that that is something that you could potentially do before you even step into a relationship and you'll be better off for it so i would say those probably go hand in hand you know chelsea i just love what you brought about the whole trauma because i think not alone i think a lot of us it's like you get into a marriage and these things just start coming out and you're like oh my gosh because our spouse is like helps to be a mirror where we just see things within ourselves that we never thought would come out and i just curious from you know four years in so i'm like five years in so it's just like in that i guess we're not we're not newlyweds but we are so you know the old people that are older couples would be like you're y'all still newlyweds but just want to ask like what has god done in your life that you've seen a change and a transformation because i feel like that's a huge thing that takes place so what would you say for each of you the biggest thing that you've seen christ do within you in your marriage that's great i love that question i would say lately uh because i've been going through some pretty intensive what i call discipleship counseling i've been walking through a lot of healing and forgiveness for different people i didn't even know i had unforgiveness for and as a result of that my marriage has seen positive benefits from that um and so really just me even working on the things that were unhealed in my heart has helped our marriage and i would say our intimacy and just growing closer to one another um and just even being able to see you in a way where i'm not trying to nitpick every little thing that he's doing i would say that was probably my biggest struggle in the first couple years was why do you the things that i even enjoyed in dating with you bug me now you know like these little things that you're like oh i i enjoy that about you but then as you're doing life together more and more um like we just start to get on each other's nerves in some ways and i'm just being honest you know i think some of us really we walk through that but now i'm like wow i'm seeing you in a totally different light now i feel like i'm being able to see him and even myself in a way where like i actually see how jesus sees him and like myself and so i think that would be probably transparently honestly one of the biggest things that um i've been growing in yeah that's man that's good and i've seen that in you too so i would affirm that i you know i think for me one of the biggest things that i've just been noticing and growing in is really kind of trifold i think one is communication i think two is expectation and uh and then i think honestly the um the third one is really just having a deeper understanding of like where all this stuff is coming from as far as maybe frustrations or things that happen or come up that i just didn't really expect and having patience through that that was really the the third one is the patience factor and so those are really the big ones that i've just seen god work in and like understanding how to communicate with more grace understanding how to be more patient in the midst of maybe things that just didn't go my way or didn't go how i thought that they were going to go and then expectations on my wife i think a lot of times we walk into marriage or into a relationship with different expectations of what they'll do or how they will serve us or how they can maybe meet a need that we have and sometimes those needs are deeper than something that our spouse can provide and we really need to go and seek the lord about that and maybe work through what is causing that and so those are just three really quick things that i've just seen and noticed in myself that i would say that i've grown in as a result of being married and especially being married to chelsea um i just think that yeah you've grown so much and we've grown so much together and i think a lot of people will disparage young marriage in the sense that you're not ready and you can't do it and there's so much that life is going to throw at you and part of that i understand but part of that's also the point is that you get to do this with another person and you get to learn and grow and experience the lord in a whole new way along the way and so i think that's a really beautiful thing i love that advice and those three things are critical i don't care where you are in your marriage if it's one week or you're 50 years into this thing so i am so thankful for you too i love how you are together even if pastor jay said just the way you look at each other and how you giggle never lose that and we are so thankful for your example on youtube and across every ministry place that you go into the beauty in your heart and the example that you set through your christian perspective and your values is phenomenal we need and want more of it so we hope that if you are watching today that you find nick and chelsea hearse on their youtube you get their bug and look more into them because they have plenty to give to all of us thank you nick and chelsea for being here with us and we look forward to seeing you in the future on your youtube channel stay with us as we take a break and we'll be back for some ministry hey tom what you doing oh i can't find anything good on youtube to watch the commentaries the blogs the tier videos the gaming videos it's all boring oh have you thought about subscribing to cornerstone's youtube channel cornerstone has a youtube channel of course it does hold on taking a pause to remind you to subscribe to our channel hit that like button and ring that bell for notifications now back to the video i'll show you how to subscribe just search for cornerstone television network and hit the subscribe button so you can stay up to date getting filled with the holy spirit with consistent uploads every day keep up with your favorite moments and never miss a beat will you help us as we race to 100 000 subscribers we can't do it without your health the content is never ending with countless hours of entertainment so subscribe to the cornerstone youtube channel today hope happens here well i tell you what if there's ever been a time that we need the word of god in marriages it's right now in matthew 19 we want to give you a scripture verses four through six says haven't you read the scriptures jesus replied they record that from the beginning god made them male and female and he said this explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife and the two are united into one since they are no longer two but one let no one split apart what god has joined together you know as we're looking at that scripture you know i was thinking about nick and chelsea and all that they were discussing and what they were going through you know i think every one of us i always say it like this before you get married this is the analogy i like to give when you go to an airport before you go 40 000 feet in the air there's two places you have to visit one is the security place we got to go through and check to make sure you're not carrying anything that can bring the plane down the second thing we have to do we have to go through baggage check you know ladies we get the louis baton bag you're looking all cute but we don't know what's in the trunk everybody needs to know what's the junk in your trunk and if you think about it too what do they always do they weigh your baggage because it might look all cute and nice and you all in love and this that and the other but everybody needs to go through baggage check they send that thing through the conveyor belt they take your shoes off take your belt off why because once we're 40 000 feet in the air we can't afford to crash and i love what chelsea was talking about and i don't know how few guys have noticed this god did not create marriage to make you happy he created marriage to make us holy and we all have to look at the junk in our trunk because if we don't we will blame our spouse we'll look at our spouse and blame them for stuff that's really in our own world and i think the first thing we have to do we have to have self realization and understanding what's really in me that's why we have to become complete as single people this book that they just put out is so outstanding because it's really helping us to prepare for marriage you know i was thinking ladies what are some of the things that you saw in yourself after you got married because i'll be honest with you let me just let me put myself on blast i would i thought i was like Jesus i thought i had it all together y'all i mean i was grinning i had all the i had it all i i mean i thought i was perfectly and then i got married and i turned in the gallery in demoniac i had legions of devils all sorts of stuff was coming out of me i didn't realize the frustrations i had my wife brought it all out of me and it wasn't her fault but god really used it to show me what was in my heart and i think having an understanding of who we are if we realize that god is working in us and the junk in our trunk and we can get rid of some of that stuff before we get 40 000 feet near our marriage would be so much more better who you just dropped like a whole word and plus like a comedy skid in between because you said you're like Jesus and you became like the demoniac but i feel like we all can relate to that and when you talked about the plane like having explosives i was the explosive i feel like i was like oh my goodness like you checked me it was like explosive city because it's like just trauma just things i had to like process and work through but one thing i just i can't remember i think it was our dear friend pastor keenan bridges there was like two things i remember uh like he shared we were like in the green room was talking to him and he said you know a lot of times when it comes to marriage i think or excuse me the wedding day there's so much like happenstance around it we're so excited he's like it's a funeral service everybody's watching around you to die and i even i was like thinking i heard recently you think about like oh let's come to the altar you're walking down the altar in the bible what happened on the altars there were sacrifices you had to die and i think nobody talks about that we're sort of like oh it's all pretty and you have your party and then it's like week one you're like oh my gosh and you might be crying like what did i get myself into jesus can you help me like i mean this is some real stuff that no one wants to talk about so if you're like a newlywed and you're going through things and you're like this is really tough and hard no it's like welcome to the party welcome to the club it's part of marriage but also it's like the years going like god really does do angela like it is some deep work you're like man i didn't know i was a sinner until i got married i was the same way i thought i was good no it really does make you hold me like you said pastor j like it purifies you it causes you to stretch your patience and to grow deeper and to use that one three-letter word which is why why did i respond like that why did i just lash out i love that nick hit on that because that has been i tell everyone that is the most powerful word and it's only three letters that we can ask ourselves why why did my husband aggravate me when he came in like that why am i already on the defense as soon as he brings up a certain topic like these things are in us and when we're in close proximity to someone honey they come all the way out they do well you know i had so many things when i first started marriage i had a rough time letting my wife finish i would always want to cut her off you know i mean i was always trying to get my point across you know something that they mentioned let me ask you guys this question how is communication in your marriage how did i mean how does that work for y'all because i mean i know with me i had a rough time letting her finish because you know i just i don't need the whole bible i just need a few verses and my wife she wanted to preach to me for like seven hours every time that we got into a discriminatory she ain't here right now but baby i love you uh but you know i mean i don't know how communication was for you guys but i know we really struggle that she communicates more from an emotional place i communicate more from an analytical place she was always looking for me to understand and i'm looking to try to fix it and try to make it better give the people some pointers at least give me some pointers i need some help still because i think like one thing i definitely think is women we're very emotional we talk a lot and i remember there'd be times he's like where are you going because i'm over here and then i'm talking about the world and all this and he's like i'm lost i don't get what's going on so we just really i think it's just having understanding i think it's just coming from that place and i remember watching i actually on youtube i remember this woman i don't even know who she is i can't quote you but thank you for your advice but she said you have to be understanding but or do you want to be right or do you want to be in a relationship because sometimes you just can't be right because i'd be fighting i feel like i was a lawyer i was like let me prove my point here's a b c and z why this is supposed to be the way that it is but god really had to be like no it's like you're you're tearing stuff down it was hard communication is always difficult you know i think that the biggest thing with um as a married couple is that you see the world so differently and your worlds are colliding your world views are colliding how you process is colliding so the communication piece is critical in their book nick and chelsea actually talk about how communication um conflict when you enter into conflict it's actually a gateway into intimacy and i love that they said that because a lot of us are truly um avoiders we try to keep it on the backburner oh i'm not going to bring that up because i know what reaction i'm going to get from her but really engaging those spaces in a healthy way can lead to great intimacy and really build you up to know yourself more like you said sydney that it's a mirror when we look at our partner or you know helps them to grow as well well intimacy is into me see yeah if you ever see that and you know a lot of times we can hear each other's words but still miss their heart and maybe somebody out there listening right now you know you're in the middle and you see all sorts of communication conflicts that you have i have learned i have to understand my wife ladies is it true for us men most time you said you hit a word that my wife always says to me she goes i just want you to understand me the you were jaw understand and i can't begin to tell you guys so many times that i had to learn how to understand and get her heart not just hear her words it's really important i think it's just like communication a lot of it's non-verbal as well because you can be you know you can talk a lot with your eyes and the way you're sitting like looking at us cross-eyed like what you're saying right now but it's so important that i think it's just understanding like that's that you word of understand me listen to me take the time to just hear what i have to say and i think don't get on the defense and i think we have to know that we are a team that we are in partnership that we are fighting together because the enemy would love to just throw bows and he loves to tear apart marriage he loves to separate that's why you see so much chaos and division because marriage angela is the greatest visibility of what christ does for the church it represents it yes perfect love beautiful companionship where we are together as one literally two flesh becoming one and we only do that effectively and perfectly through the one who is love today if you find yourself whether you're single or you're you're dating someone or you've been married for quite some time christ at the center makes everything better in fact i would venture to say you can't know or experience true love without knowing him we are honored we are blessed that you joined us today we pray that as you go forward in this beautiful holiday of love that you are centered on the god who is love and his love never fails it never gives up and it continues to trust hope is yours today