 My stomach was spinning so fast. I felt like I might flutter away. I could die Seriously die and all it would take to save me to ground me would be one of her single mother hands on my thigh Touched me Acknowledge me Of course she doesn't She doesn't move doesn't glance doesn't try So I tried Like always I tried so you want me to come with you to your friend's performance this weekend, right? Don't you have your mom's event or something? I mean I don't have to go and I could drive I know how you like to get turned with your friends She smiled But I couldn't tell if it was at her phone or at me. I let my hopes rest on the former until she laughed I know she doesn't find me funny What's funny I tried to sound even it's my friend Damon. He posted something. I pulled out my phone, too Oh on Instagram. Let me check for the first time in what felt like hours She looked right at me How do you know Damon? I met him a few weeks ago for a bit. You don't remember. I mean I thought he was cool So I just followed him What you don't follow any of my friends on Instagram She raised her eyebrows Shook her head and then said something under her breath. I can't hear you How can I love you when you try to yourself in for me? My mouth went dry What did you just say? Chill I said it's hot in here. Can you take your hand off of my knee? How do you know Damon? Can you relate to either character in this story? Have you ever loved someone so intensely that you lost yourself in them? Or have you ever been loved so thoroughly that you couldn't help but lose interest and if yes, you're definitely not alone But the truth the matter is when two people become one There's no one left to connect you and love and desire are not the same things And they shouldn't be treated as such and this speaks to the work of one of my most favorite Sexologists Dr. Esther Perrell and she believes that desire needs space in order to thrive Just like fire needs air in order to grow now Of course this concept can be confusing because we often think about connectivity We think about it in the sense of love and love needs compassion Predictability it needs safety love needs to know and understand but desire the other hand desire likes mystery Desire likes separatism desire wants a sense of anxiety And that is where the balance comes in of maintaining a sense of self when we tell somebody that we need them That we can't live without them we reveal that they are the center of our world and that should never be the way that it is You have to remain at the center of your world and all things revolve around you Whatever it is that you create in your outside world You're choosing partners experiences and things that enhance you as opposed to consume you And so it's important to remember that when we are in loving relationships that yes We do want to surrender, but we absolutely still have to maintain and fight for a sense of self Now I want to ask a few questions of you guys to explore this topic more with yourself or with your partner number one Define desire and love and then answer this question do you think it's possible to be completely in love with someone else and Selfish at the same time shout out to Amber and Eva for starring in this video click this box Go on the info box below to follow them and watch my video on why I think nice people do finish last Girl