 When you obsess over the narcissist many victims end up obsessing over the narcissist especially when the narcissist starts to devalue them because you have this desire to fix things. You're seeking their validation remember a time when you had a problem with your computer maybe you didn't know much about computers but you tried everything you could to fix it. Every neuron in your brain was working to resolve the issue to figure out what was wrong. I'm sure you can remember a problem that you've experienced and you thought about it all day it may even have made it difficult for you to sleep at night until suddenly you woke up with a solution many of us like the challenge we like solving problems it makes us feel very good so having an obsession can be very useful it can help us to zone in on something that we need to solve but it's not so useful when we start obsessing over the narcissist obsessing over the narcissist can be very destructive and it can lead to unfortunate consequences because you're going to waste a lot of your time and energy on them and it's not going to benefit you in any way it's going to take your attention away from your life it's going to distract you from things that shall be more important to you you need to find something to take your attention away from the narcissist you need to find something to distract yourself that doesn't mean you need to find another person you just need to have something else that you can focus on whether it is a hobby or interest or your work life that is the solution to the problem focusing on something else in your life you're obsessing over the narcissist because you're not focusing on anything that should be more important all of your time and energy is devoted to them all of your focus zones in on them which is why you're obsessing over them you ignore everyone else people who should be more important to you you ignore reality and you focus on this one problem that you're having with the narcissist which is the opposite of what you should be doing because if you're obsessing over the narcissist the way to get over that obsession is to focus on things that shall be more important to you but when you're obsessed with the narcissist it will make you ignore everything else so set aside the narcissist aside in your mind and focus on other things because when you do that it will greatly diminish your obsession with the narcissist when you obsess over the narcissist it can become dangerous it could ruin your life which would be very sad because it isn't even real it's a mirage it's an illusion there's nothing really there it's just this fantasy that you have co-created in your minds which is why another way to end your obsession with a narcissist is to really get to know them because then you will realize that they're really not that special they just have certain qualities that have stimulated you to have an obsession about them but when you really get to know them it will help you to get over your obsession it will pull you back into reality because then you will see them for what they are narcissists want power and control so they will often try to entice you into obsessing over them they will do or say things to provoke your imagination until they think that they've got you on the hook but once you start to see them as they are then they will really start to panic because deep down they know they're not all that they know that you're just entertaining an illusion but the best cure for this illusion is to realize that they're really not that clever or interesting they may even be quite annoying but your imagination gives them the qualities they don't even have because sometimes you want them to be like that it gives you hope that they're this perfect person that they're everything you've been waiting for which can be a good feeling hope is very powerful but it can also be very dangerous because it's not real it's just something you've created in your mind it makes you chase after them because you think that everything that you want but hope isn't always bad it can help you to achieve your goals but when it comes to narcissists you need to take away your hope because it's just a fantasy it isn't real which is why you need to see it for what it is thank you for watching I hope this video resonates with you please like comment share and subscribe if you would like to donate my PayPal link is in the video description coaching inquiries you can email me at coaching at NARC5 at the Kudu UK thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon