 For the safety of your smile, use pepsidon twice a day. See your dentist twice a year. Lever Brothers Company presents the pepsidon show My Friend Irma, created by Cy Howard and starring Marie Wilson as Irma with Joan Banks as Jane. Friendship, friendship, just a perfect friendship. When other friendships have been forgotten, there's will still be hot. A roommate, try and find someone with the same taste. Well, I live with Irma Peterson and she definitely has the same taste as I. When I want to take a bath, she's in the tub. When I want to put on my best nylons, she's got them on. And when I want to write a cheque on our joint account, she's already taken the money out. But despite all this, I love Irma. Even though the things she says are... Well, for instance, the other day I said, Irma... Yes, Jane? Look what it says in the paper. There's been a great uranium strike in Canada. Oh, well, I'll soon make it up and... Oh, well, I'll soon make up and go back to work again. See what I mean? There seems to be a flap in Irma's thinking cap. That's why I treasure moments like this when she's out shopping. It gives me a chance to get my bearings, take stock, so to speak, and take care of our future plans. Financially, I found out that what with Christmas coming on and all the bills we owe, Irma and I won't have a penny left for Christmas presents unless we cut down on some of our expenses. So without Irma's knowledge, I did what I thought was practical. I sent back the piano Irma and I have been struggling to maintain. And now I feel wonderful. Hello, Jane. Hello, sweetie. I've decided to better myself. Oh, wonderful. You're going to give up, Al. Oh, no, Jane. I mean, I've made up my mind to have culture and social position. So I took my last $30 out of the bank and enrolled in a school for piano lessons. Piano lessons? Irma, look in the corner. Oh, it's not there. No. Oh, well, you probably mislaid it someplace. Yes, I swept it under the rug while I was cleaning. Look, sweetie, I'm trying to get this situation clear. I sent the piano back to cut down expenses and you have to pick this time to take piano lessons. Irma, I can't understand how you could do a thing like that. You never touched that piano. Well, it got me all confused. It has three pedals on the bottom and I only have two legs. Are you angry at me, Jane? Well, that's not the point, sweetie. It's just bad timing. Christmas will be here soon and you won't have any money for presents. Oh, gosh, Jane, you're right. I'll need some money. Al and I always exchange presents. Yes, I know. You always give him one and he exchanges it so he can get you one. Please, Jane, I wish you wouldn't talk that way about my Al. He's getting me a brand new Hudson for Christmas. What? Yes, he showed me the raffle ticket. Irma, let's not waste any more time. The piano is gone and you need your money. So go back to the music school and tell them you've changed your mind. Oh, Jane, they won't give the money back. You can see what it says right here in this circular sheet. Let me see. The Beethoven School of Music. San Beethoven President. Oh, they have a real nice slogan, haven't they, Jane? Let me read it. If you have music in your heart and bones, who knows you may be another Spike Jones. Oh, no. And look at this. Hours from nine to six, payments in advance and positively no refunds. I discussed that part about refunds with Mr. Beethoven and he said the purpose of music is to make people happy and that if he had to give back the money, it would make him very sad. But, honey, what are you going to do? You're stuck with the lessons and you have no piano. What are you going to practice on? You could use a typewriter and hum. Oh, sweetie, be sensible. Come in. It's only me, Professor Kropotkin. Hello, Jane, you know, Irma. Proud like two little peacocks. One with her head in the air. The other with air in her hair. Why, Professor? Oh, excuse me, Jane, a little joke I found on a package of bird seed. Girls, I was wondering, could I borrow some wire to hang up a picture of Mrs. O'Reilly in my room? Well, surely, but why the sudden affection for Mrs. O'Reilly? Doctor's orders. Doctor's orders? Yeah, yeah, he put me on a diet and her picture is the only thing that will spoil my appetite. What seems to be the trouble, girls? You look a little... Say, where is the piano? Professor, I just sent the piano back because the payments were too large and what do you think Irma did? Signed up for piano lessons. How did you guess? I figured for Irma to be a logical stab. Irma, darling, maybe you can get your money back. Oh, no, there are no refunds, but it says on this circular that I can substitute something else for piano lessons. Gee, you're a professor. I mean, you're a musician, professor. What do you suggest? Well, please, let me look on the list, huh? Uh-huh, Beethoven Music School. I knew a man who took their course, studied for ten years, still couldn't learn to play an instrument. Then the school didn't help him at all? Well, Janie, yes and no. After ten years, he was so mad that every time he saw someone play, he would wave his fists at him. He was one of the biggest conductors in America. You see, Jane, I told you it was a good school. Uh, what course do you think I ought to take, professor? Well, here's something that sounds practical. Combination harp and drum lessons. Practical? Sure. Anyone who practices all day on the drum should also be prepared to play the harp. Hello, Jane, professor. Hiya, chicken. Hello, Al, honey. Say, Al, that's a beautiful coat. Where did you buy it? Oh, thanks. Got it on an election bet. Oh, you wanted it. Well, not exactly. Another guy lost the bet and I held his coat while he pushed a peanut down the street with his nose. Man, he didn't see the traffic signal turn green. Wouldn't have happened if he had worn a taillight. Say, what happened to the piano? Oh, Jane's had it back so we could save money for Christmas presents. Oh, that's tough. Well, if my new deal comes through, I'll be on Easy Street. What is it this time, Al? Punching holes in Dixie cops and selling them for soup strainers? Nothing so petty. This one can't miss. It's a special type television set for bars. It shows only half an image. So when you start seeing double, the picture will still be single. Oh, it's wonderful, Al. Jane, don't you think he's a live wire? No, but I'd like to see him holding on to one. Look, Al, if you really want to be helpful, see if you can get Irma's money back. What money? I paid $30 for piano lessons, but now that Jane has sent the piano back, I won't be able to hear what I'm playing. Well, if we want to get that money back, chicken, all we got to do is tell him a pathetic story and it's got to work. Are you sure, Al? Well, certainly. Sob stories have worked all through history. Take Columbus. After he discovered America and came back to report to the Queen, she started to ball him out. So he explained in these words, Your Royal Highness, I know you meant us to go to India, but we got lost with no compass. Thus came the expression, non-compass-mentus. Brother. Do you see, Jane, you think Al doesn't know anything? Well, this ought to prove it. Heavens, what was that? That's Mrs. O'Reilly. She sounds like she's being killed. Calm yourself. I had the same hope, that she's only singing and she won't tell me why. They were the sudden burst of song. Why don't you know it's almost a singing contest? The community set her around the corner gives a $50 prize to the winner. That's right. It's 72nd Street versus 73rd Street. And since it's a friendly affair, I mentioned the contest. Mrs. O'Reilly, you are entering the contest? And why not? Look, Mrs. O'Reilly, just because you are built like the sex step from Lucia, don't mean you can sing like that. Information I'd have, you know, I came in second last year. I would have won, but I had a frog in me throat. Well, then it's your own fault. You should have kept still and let the frog sing. Professor, let me see that circular. Irma, what are you up to? Now let's see, bagpipe, trombone, bugle. Oh, here it is, vocal lessons. Vocal lessons? Well, Jane, I can't get my money back for the piano lessons, so maybe I can take vocal lessons for a couple of weeks and then try for the prize. Irma, you can't even carry a tune. Oh, I will go in for any of that heavy music. Oh, Mrs. O'Reilly, do you mind if I compete with you? Oh, I'm used to competition. Sure. Wasn't she in that sewing contest with Betsy Ross? You know, Jane, I think chicken's got a great idea. Well, I suppose the money is lost anyway, so no harm can come from her trying. Oh, thank you, Jane, and I'm going to try very hard, and you can't tell what'll happen. Oh, this is exciting. Wouldn't it be terrific if chicken turned out to be a female carousel? Yes, Al, and then you'll be my man, Friday. Run the tip of your tongue over your teeth. If you feel a slippery coating, you have film on your teeth, and you need pepsidon with irium to remove it. For film is worse than you think. Film collects stains that make your teeth look dull. Pepsidon toothpaste removes film, makes your teeth look bright. Film harbors germs that cause unpleasing breath. Pepsidon removes film, makes your breath fresh and clean. Film glues acid to your teeth. The very acid many dentists agree is the cause of tooth decay. Pepsidon toothpaste removes film, and the acids it contains. Film never lets up. It forms continually on your teeth. Yes, you have to fight film every day. So start now to fight film. Brush your teeth twice a day with pepsidon. The toothpaste with an exclusive formula for removing film. She has had her first vocal lessons. How is she doing? I'll tell you. Never has anything so horrible come out of a mouth so pretty. You know, they say when most good singers sing, the glasses vibrate. But when Irma sings, you get the feeling the glasses are trying to run back into the cupboard. Deep in my heart, I know she hasn't got a chance to win the contest, and the money she gave the Beethoven music school is down the drain. But there's always a chance that the judge of the contest may have worked in Atlantic City, and would declare Irma the winner because she has the nicest legs, which gives me the thought that if Irma were a cricket and would rub her legs together, she'd make better music than she does with her voice. Uh-oh, there she goes again. Do-re- It was very pretty, Jane. This is what you want to do. Remember, I can pick any song I want to for the audition. I, uh, I may even sing an operatic number. Opera? Do you know any? My favorite is Laugh Clown Laugh from the opera Par Cheesy. Par Cheesy? Oh yes, that must be Italian for Pagliacci. Look, sweetie, I've already resigned myself to kissing that $30 good-bye, but as long as you insist on going through with this audition, don't you think you should try to sing something simple? Well, there are three simple songs I like. Uh, I'm just a prisoner of love. Why not take all of me? And he's too fat for me. Afternoon at the office, I was trying to decide which one I like best. At the office? So your boss, Mr. Clyde, must have just loved that. Yes, he said my singing really sends him. It's just that he has so much work to do at the office, he can't go. Why don't you just forget this whole thing? Oh, no, Jane, I'm sure I can sing. Don't forget they laughed at another singer, but now he's a millionaire. What singer are you talking about? The one who sells all those sewing machines. Listen, Jane, I'm going down to the dime store. So far I have a prisoner of love, and why not take all of me and the others, but maybe I'll find something I like better. All right, sweetie. Goodbye. Oh, yes, Mr. Sterling. Watch Irma Peterson's application to enter the singing contest. What? You're listening to all the 73rd Street contestants in a half an hour? Yes, I'll tell her you'll be here. What? Yes, I'll convey the same message to Mrs. O'Reilly. Thank you, Mr. Sterling. Goodbye. Hi. Miss Stacy, excuse me for barging in like this. Is Irma Peterson here? No, but she'll be right back. Why? I want to fire her. I want to assassinate her. I want to... I don't know what I want to do to her. Now, control yourself, Mr. Clyde. I'm sorry, Miss Stacy. That girl has worked for me for some time, and I've put up with a lot. I didn't mind what she cut holes in my galoshes so the water would run out. And I could even take it when she had my desk painted and then put my new top coat over it so no one would get their hands wet. But what is this song title madness? Well, Mr. Clyde, she's entering a singing contest and she has song titles on her mind. And her what? Miss Stacy, I dictated a letter to her yesterday and I found this carbon copy. It's to my most important client. I'm supposed to be a lawyer, but when he gets this letter, I'll need one. Well, let me see it. Dear Mr. Vanderbilt, I regret the Court of Appeals decided against us, but I trust you'll appreciate my position in this matter as I am just a prisoner of love. Oh, no. Continue. Please remember that you have had my untiring efforts, my 30 years of experience, my unimpeachable integrity. So why not take all of me? There's more. I was considering enlisting the help of ex-Senator Bernard Sindel, but I have decided against this because he's too fat for me to say. There's nothing for you to say. If I lose this client, not only is Miss Peterson fired, but I'm going to sue her. Goodbye. Where's chicken? Al, let me ask you a sentimental question. Would you like to have Irma at your side through the years? Couldn't think of anything better. Why? Well, save a space for her in the unemployment line. She lost her job. Lost her job? What's the matter with that girl? Is she going Hollywood? I know is. She just about lost her job. She hasn't got a nickel in the bank. She's wasted money on singing lessons, and she hasn't got a chance to win the contest. Now, Al, what are we going to do? Oh, wait a minute, Jane. I think I hear her coming. Chicken, your prison days are over. Got a feeling you're about to be executed. Tell you, Irma, I just had a talk with Mr. Clyde, and he's disgusted with you. You're just about to lose your job. And in that case, you're going to need that 30 bucks you spent for lessons to tide you over. So you got to go back to that Beethoven music school and cry for your money. Give them a real sob story. Oh, but, Al, gosh, I wouldn't know what to say. Well, there's nothing to it. You simply say something like, uh, you lost your job, and if you don't get the $30 back, you will have nothing to eat, and the children will starve. You got a chicken? Oh, word for word. Good. Let me hear it. All right, now let's see. I want the $30 back because I'm starved and I have nothing to eat but the children. Hold it, chicken. You got the right words, but they sound like they went through the Mixmaster. Oh, Al, you know she won't get it right. Besides, there are no refunds. Yes, and I'm determined to go through the contest. Okay, chicken, when our backs are against the wall and there ain't no time to stall, there's only one man to call. Who else? Who else but... Hello, Joe. Got a problem. Irma is entering a contest in the community center. How can I make sure she wins when she sings? Huh? You don't like people who sing? Oh, why not, Joe? Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Your brother did some singing to the district attorney and they almost tracked your whole gang. Can understand your point. So, I guess you can't help us, but thanks for the effort and goodbye, noble friend. No, folks. Jane, did the professor here told me your cause? Yes, I did, Mrs. O'Reilly. Mr. Sterling from the community sing-call. He's going to audition all the applicants in this block and he'll be here any minute. Any minute, Glory B. I'd better try my voice. O'Reilly. Well, my notes seem to be nice and pear-shaped. Why not? You're built like one. A skinny knee, young. Mrs. O'Reilly, please, I'm only fooling. You know that, to me, you look like a queen. Well, that's better. The Queen Mary in dry dark. Listen here, you. Oh, please be still. Well, you're someone's at the door. Come in. Good evening. I am Mr. Sterling. Oh, yes, you call. I hope I'm not late. I've been listening to all the applicants on this block and I must say up to this point, 72nd Street has it all over. 73rd Street. Well, we are going to change that. Are you Irma Peterson? Oh, no, I am O'Reilly first because I'm trying to memorize the words in my song. All right, Mrs. O'Reilly. What are you going to sing? Well, I was going to sing a little Welsh number called Lost in the Wilderness. Inspired by a visit to my room. But instead, I'll sing the Last Rose of Summer. Let's hear it. Well, here we go. Ready, Professor? Ready. It is the last... Mrs. Peterson, what are you going to sing? Well, I was going to sing I'm just a prisoner of love, but I forgot the words, so I'll sing a onesie-toosie because any child can remember that. I'll accompany you, Irma Darling. You ready? One, two... onesie-toosie. I'll kiss you, zee. Hey, Jane, what comes after two zee? Three zee? Jane, are you sure it's three zee? Yes, didn't you just sing two zee? Yes, but I thought onesie came after two zee. Don't mind, Mrs. Peterson. I'll come back when you know what day it is. Goodbye. But don't cry, Irma Darling. Well, she's got plenty to cry about. She's spent her last $30, she's out of the contest, and to make things simply adorable, she's lost her job. But don't forget, she's still got me. That still leaves the score nothing to nothing. Always say that. Look, Mrs. Peterson, I'm a square dealing man and I always say what's on my mind. That letter you sent to our client lost $50,000 in that case yesterday. Well, he just called me. He laughed at your letter so much, he forgot his losses and gave me another case. What? And to show my appreciation, you're a rehired and here's a $50 bonus. Oh, I'm so happy I could sing. You do and I'll take back the money. I think that you are safe from film. Nearly everyone has it. Just run the tip of your tongue over your teeth. If you feel a slippery coating, that's film. And you'd better get pepsidon toothpaste to remove it. For film collect stains that make teeth look dull. Harbors germs that cause unpleasing breath. Film glues acid to your teeth. The very acid that many dentists agree is the cause of tooth decay. And remember, film never lets up. No, it never stops forming. So brush your teeth twice a day with film removing pepsidon. No other toothpaste contains earium or pepsidon's gentle polishing agent. No other toothpaste can duplicate pepsidon's film removing formula. Get pepsidon toothpaste with earium today. Irma's musical career. Lily Ponds can now breathe easy again. And thanks to Mr. Clyde's generosity, Irma has $50. Irma, what are you going to do with the $50? Oh, I think we ought to get the piano back. I need it. Honey, you never touched the piano. What do you mean you need it? Well, every time Al kissed me, I used to lean against the piano and I'm liable to fall out the window. And you know something? She may fall out of the window head first, but believe me, she'll land on her feet if I know my friend Irma. Irma is produced and directed by Cy Howard. Park Levy writes the script with Stanley Adams and Roland McClain, and it's brought to you by Pepsidon Toothpaste with Earium, another fine product of Leaver Brothers Company. Marie Wilson is starred as Irma, but Joan Banks is Jane. A part of Al was played by John Brown. Hans Conreed was heard as Professor Kropotkin and Gloria Gordon as Mrs. O'Reilly. Music was under the direction of Vlad Gluston. Ladies and gentlemen, if you enjoy my friend Irma, tune in tomorrow night over many of these same stations to enjoy a new comedy show, Life with Luigi, created by Cy Howard and starring J. Carol Nash as Luigi Basco, an Italian immigrant who comes to America and writes a series of letters to his mother in Italy describing his adventures. Remember, enjoy Life with Luigi Tuesday night over CBS. For the specific time to hear Life with Luigi, in your locality consult your local newspaper. This is Wendell Niles speaking. BRISK, brisk flavor, that's what you get in Lipton tea. Yes, brisk flavor that picks you up brings you back alive in a hurry. Brisk flavor that comes from Lipton's very special blending of the finest orange pico and pico teas. Try it. You'll find that this brisk flavor of Lipton's leaves you refreshed and ready to go again. And you can enjoy it often because even wonderful tea like Lipton's costs less than any drink except water. Always ask for Lipton tea, the brisk tea, with that heartwarming Lipton lift. Tune in one hour earlier next week and listen to the Lux Radio Theater followed by the pepsidon show My Friend Irma. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.