 This is the art of charm learn everything you need to know to crush it in business Love and life the art of charm is where ordinary guys become extraordinary men Welcome to the art of charm I'm Jordan Harbinger if you're new to the show But you want to know more about what we teach here at the art of charm Listen to the art of charm toolbox at the art of charm podcast comm slash toolbox looking forward to meeting all you guys here at AOC All right, I just got a great listener email from Brooke ass. I won't say her last name She's at a high. I just started listening to your podcast and I'm all about it I love the idea of a show focused on self-improvement to the max Mastering oneself in all aspects of life to become the best person possible while making the world better one step at a time I have one minor issue though that still does not settle with me as I listen to the art of charm It actually almost turned me off from listening to the show completely at first And I thought I would make a suggestion for possible consideration in the future Throughout the art of charm in the very introduction to the episodes of the podcast to basically the entire marketing campaign Men how to become the best man is the addressed audience I am aware that the show focuses on improving dating situations from the hetero male perspective But even in those cases as with the majority of other topics concepts and classes you offer This school of thought is universal and applies to both male and female Regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity Myself, I guess one might say feminine queer female was even attracted to the idea of taking one of the art of charm courses But because talks about it cater so much towards men and masculinity I found myself feeling not welcome to even consider the idea to be charming cultured and confident is not a concept Solely meant for male mastery although again I'm aware the show is likely designed to offer the hetero male perspective on topics But even if that is the case your dating courses and empowerment will likely still apply to just about everyone regardless of the client's Specific relationship interest. I love what the show is teaching and I will definitely continue to be a regular listener because the subjects Really do apply to all demographics and genders But it would be nice and even likely bring larger client or consumer based to your products and programs if you eased up on addressing just men and hetero normativity saying things like get the girl you want and Possibly decided to not be as gender specific and talks about the show and in your courses I'm not saying to address women as well. I'm saying to address people I doubt in this case the rate of your male listeners will decline because again the show is great for everyone Keep up the great work. The art of charm really does help my 23 year old job hunting self walk out the door feeling a bit more Peppy and confident. Thank you, Brooke. Brooke first of all, thanks so much for the email. I really do appreciate it We really appreciate it, but I'm gonna stand firm here. Honestly I'm so glad that so many women listen to the art of charm straight women listen Queer women listen that word is in itself is strange for me, but also gay men listen I'm sure I know a lot of straight guys listen. That's our audience Everybody's of course welcome to listen our programs However, the live programs in Los Angeles are for men Interested in meeting and attracting women and working on their business acumen and networking skills women are actually not allowed We have a residential program. We don't cater to women there at all We offer phone coaching for women and that's it that said we do Explain things from a hetero normal to use the word you want or a hetero male perspective That is exactly what the show is that is exactly what I speak on I can't speak for everyone and I feel like creating an audience that's more general We'll actually hurt what we're trying to do here. We love talking about masculinity We love talking about being a better man If a lot of that applies to you as a lesbian female then that's awesome But you are not my audience. You are welcome to be a part of it. However, you are not our core So I will continue to address men Especially straight men who are interested in doing what we want to do everybody else love you guys You're welcome to communicate. You're welcome to apply this. I'm glad that you do I'm glad that you do share and that you do love the show But we are going to stick to our core audience of heterosexual, you know regular Joe's just trying to level up And I'm not going to water that down Because I don't think it's doing anybody a service and something tells me you'll still be listening even if I say hey guys And not hey guys and girls. Thanks so much Brooke All right now on to the show. We're talking with former underground bar fighter Jesse elder This is like fight club for real really interesting story here What he learned about from nearly being killed in a fight and why we can't control our experience or the Experiences of others as well as separating the quote-unquote truth from what's useful and what actually works As well as learning about money and money mindsets to go from broke to multi-millionaire business owner Cultivating a real abundance mindset without going all woo-woo and creating and cultivating a balanced life and lifestyle Jesse elder enjoy You've done martial arts schools. You you did like an underground bar fight thing Which sounds kind of like fight club but way more dangerous Yeah, yeah, well in chronological order it started, you know, I was a kid taking martial arts loved it and Was blessed to have a series of instructors that as soon as they had some help They were more than happy to get out of the way and that taught me a lot of lessons as an entrepreneur later on but I was teaching when I was 15 and by the time I was 17 18 years old I was running all the classes and Really got the bug for competition and just loved. I just loved how binary it was you know, it wasn't like anybody's opinion you either one or you didn't and This is you know, the UFC was gaining in popularity And I was also a bouncer while I was teaching classes during the day at these after-school programs for karate I was a bouncer to try and pay the bills because I was a super super broke The club that I was working at started to have these fight nights on Thursday nights and they'd roll out literally would roll out like wrestling mats on the dance floor of this nightclub and Have a sign-up sheet for anybody that wanted to come fight And I thought this is one of those experiences that I I have a chance to look back on years from now and I don't want to regret Not having this life experience So I signed up and walked into the ring not having any clue what to expect Ended up having two fights that night ended up winning both of them and I was hooked So that was kind of how the the no holds barred Chapter came and went yeah, so wait a minute. How is that legal again? Or is it just they didn't go shit? Legal shmigel. Yeah. Are you in Canada? I feel like that would be legal in Canada because they're like, oh, it'll be fine You know up north when there's no other recreation. Maybe so Yeah, like oh, it'll be fine if someone beats you into oblivion like I'm not gonna sue them I mean you were there love your own free will and in America. They're like I lost I'm gonna sue you because I I'm embarrassed. Exactly. Well What's crazy is that I mean there was literally no rule So there's no time limit no weight division some of the matches. They didn't even have safety gear So it's just bare knuckle and it was an adventure. It was an adventure for sure seems legit And so I gotta ask did you lose ever because if you lost I mean that must have been pretty bad beginning bare knuckle beat down Yeah, I had there's two really good losses that I had one was To a legitimate submission and the guy got me in a pretty good heel hook and ripped my leg pretty good and totally fair and square I mean he was definitely the better man that night. And then another one is Definitely memorable. I'd fought all summer long and ended up winning pretty much every week. I was fighting and I kept winning I ended up in the ring with this dude who there was no weight classes, but he was about 40 45 pounds heavier and his corner had been watching me fight all summer and they knew that I had better ground skills than he did And so we go we touch gloves and I'm already knowing my strategy I'm gonna take him down get him on the ground Neutralize his you know the size advantage and position him for a sub or submission So we go and we're circling and then there's like hundreds of people in the place because this was like the big matchup You know the club owners thrilled because drink specials are going like crazy I had a ton of people there my students my family came out to watch and It was just incredible the energy was like insane So we go we're circling and here comes that bomb that he throws which I was waiting for I shoot in get in close clinch I couldn't take him down like I no matter what I did I couldn't get the leverage and and I realized why is because his corner had covered him in Vaseline Oh shit, so his whole body was greased up Let's just say that that threw my game off. Yeah, damn I spent I spent three rounds just trying the best I could to keep taking him down kept getting more and more tired kept taking Shots every time I'd fail a takedown at the end of the match You know it's three five minute rounds and at the end I was spent he won and I told my corner I said I I need to I need you to go get me checked out And I said it's something's wrong because I can't breathe properly I feel like I'm sipping air through a coffee stirrer You know, I can't breathe So they took me to the hospital and dude it was like it was a pivotal moment in my life and I looked back on that night probably a thousand times and and just gone back to that experience and really pulled a lot of lessons from it and I Mean I can say without without hoopla without trying to be dramatic that my life Totally fucking changed that night because I'm laying in the hospital bed The doctor comes in he says the reason you can't breathe properly mr. Elder is because you know, your nose has moved over an inch to the wrong Direction when it's your nose any direction is the wrong direction. I Don't know if they told you that Exactly. He says your nose is messed up. You've got a concussion But the reason you're having a hard time breathing is because your left lung is collapsed You know, it's registering sort of I Didn't have any reference for that. He walks out I'm just sitting there and in this crazy Pain, but that wasn't the worst part. I mean with a physical pain wasn't the worst part of it The worst part was knowing that my family and my students and everybody came out there to see this and instead that what they saw was me, you know trying to negotiate this greased up fighter and They basically watching me get my ass beat for three rounds. I mean, I'm feeling like a total fucking failure I mean, I just like totally totally totally beaten physically mentally emotionally beaten and I'm like I'm trying to reconcile that I'm coming off of nine wins I'm supposedly you know, the golden guy that everybody came out to see when and and instead the exact opposite thing happens So I'm in the hospital bed. I'm by myself. I can see through the swinging doors like my family I mean my parents had come out to watch me fight my students and they were just all sick to their stomach over what happened and a couple of really interesting distinctions developed and one is that I realized that I can't control their experience and They're having their experience which is certainly connected to my experience, but it's still their experience It's an independent sensation that they're having and I realized that they get to have their experience and There's nothing in that moment that I could do about it. So there's a real kind of an interesting freedom there When I realized that I can't control What it is that they're feeling that only they can so in the meantime, let me focus on me You know what the hell is going on with me and I asked myself like literally in the hospital bed I asked myself how am I doing and I got back the weirdest answer. I have no idea where this answer came from You know, I wasn't a particularly Spiritual guy You know, I paid attention. I've done some reading, but the answer I get back is I'm fine Jordan it struck me dude I was laying there in this agony and I'm asking how am I doing and the answer I get back is I'm fine And I'm like, well, that's weird if I'm fine Well, who is the eye that got his ass beat and who's the eye that's fine and like in that moment It was one of those matrix moments where I realized that You know, I've identified myself for 21 22 years at that point I'd identified myself as my body and I realized in that moment in that hospital bed that I have a body But I'm not my body that I have Whoever I am Is this energy that animates that body and the moment that I die whenever that happens to be That energy will withdraw Like turning the light off, you know, you the bulb weighs the same or the lamp weighs the same It's just no longer animated by that electricity And like I got it like my body is the same thing. So my body can be totally beaten. It can be totally destroyed But who I am Has nothing to do with that And I began to really think that through and no without question that that night Was a total turning point in my life because I really lost a lot of fear that night And I stopped worrying about superficial shit and I stopped worrying about what people thought about me And I didn't give a fuck what other people thought about me, but I started caring a lot more about people because I I guess I just started seeing them as as extensions of that same energy So I got my ass beat that night, but I wouldn't I wouldn't trade it for the world So you started seeing other people as almost like an extension of yourself Yeah, it was weird like I started seeing it like I'd have conversations with people and these conversations were super deep People that I'd even know I mean people I'd be taking the bus because I was still broke of shit But I'd be talking to people on the bus And and feeling like it was a soulmate and not like a weird sexual attraction. There's nothing like that. It was just like a human connection I started to have that experience increasingly And I just started seeing other people as much much more similar than they were dissimilar Trippy experience. Yeah, like a near-death type of realization I guess so I mean I've heard I've know I mean I've got plenty of friends of mine that have had a near-death experience and and uh, you know and other people that have had, you know, plenty of I guess you'd say hallucinogenic experiences And you know reality isn't all that it's cracked up to me. There's a whole lot more going on in our senses. Tell us Yeah, that's amazing And so you went from broke that you didn't stay broke long You started a business that started to crush it Was that as a result of some of the things that you'd learned in the way that you started to see the world? Yeah, yeah, I've perfectly said because that I came out of that and that was like Summer I taught a little more Over the next year or so and then I opened my school About a year after that. I just reached the point was like fuck it is never going to be perfect I'm never going to have all the answers and I don't want all the answers because that'd be boring as shit So I just want to put my best foot forward go all in and worst thing is going to happen Is I'm going to learn something so that I can move forward and the best thing that'll happen is I Actually get my outcome It is totally learning on the fly I actually ended up taking over a location Uh that was run by another instructor in town who had we ended up fighting because it just uh I ended up fighting him. I beat him and he ended up respecting the fight And ended up giving me keys to his location essentially and that way So you had like a legit kung fu breakdown where you were like I challenge you and like the other guys like oh, I would respect your challenge And then you duced it out and had a duel and then he lost so he was like you are you are superior and gave you the keys to his dojo This is that happened. Yeah, mine is the accent. That's pretty much what happened unbelievable That is so insane. That is insanity. Well, let's let we'll jump on that I the club that I bounced at a good friend of mine. Lou was a bar back And he was just a total enthusiast. He came out to watch all my fights. We're really good friends And I was completely Infatuated with jujitsu because really not a lot of guys were doing it in these fights And I was taking every opportunity to go and study and learn and I would Get off of work and drive up to Dallas and do a seminar You know with hoist gracey back in the day and so that was actually a really early experience for me of the power of self education because You know 300 bucks on a seminar and I'd come back and I'd win a couple hundred bucks and get my money back So, you know, it's kind of a interesting time But I was talking to lou and he said, hey, I know you really like jujitsu But you know my girlfriend takes classes with this other guy in town and he said that jujitsu is a bunch of shit And it doesn't work And I remember clearly my response and lou and I have had lots of conversations about that since then and I said That's cool. It's not for everybody. He's entitled his opinion I'm entitled to mine And I I like it. So I'm gonna keep doing it Well, lou passed that on to his girlfriend who passed it on to her instructor and by the time it got to her instructor It was something like hey, my boyfriend's buddy who's a bouncer says the jujitsu will whip anybody Yeah, and so that back and forth happened a couple of times and finally it got back to me that the guy had said That if I wanted to fight him he'd fight me And at that time I thought you know what this is just the phase of my life that I'm in right now I guess so you tell me when and where So the guy actually said we'll come to my school and you know, we'll find out so It was really interesting because the night that I took off I took off work as a bouncer to go and answer this challenge It was really interesting because every other bouncer took off work that night as well And so they all came out to watch this Whatever was going to happen happen A friend of mine from austin at that time came down to san antonio where all this is happening So like eight of us walk into this guy's school and he's teaching class and he's you know kind of pontificating about The dynamics of the angle and all this kind of stuff and the guy was a legitimately good martial artist But he was a shitty fighter and that's just like So common, you know, there's so many people and not just martial arts. It's like life man There's people who are classically trained and they're academically You know gifted and talented whatever and they're like the thomas people you'll ever meet they have like zero street smarts You know, it's like the consultant who you know the joke in in coaching is that you know a consultant a management consultant is like somebody who knows You know 58 ways to make love but can't get a date on friday. Yeah, that's so true That's crazy same for my industry by the way. Oh, man. It's rampant I think it's just like human condition people just bullshit themselves and they're just like Oh, I'm have this many letters after my name or whatever, but So this guy's in his class and he's going on about the techniques and nobody will ever be able to take you down If you do this blah blah blah and then he says does anybody have any questions? And all my buddies pointed me standing in the corner And like he's got a question and I just raised my hand and said, yeah, I guess my question is what if somebody takes you to the ground They mount you they're on top of you. They start punching you in the face and there's nothing you can do about it That's my question And he said well It's very hard to take somebody to the ground if they know how to defend and blah blah blah He starts going through all these other you know really technically Complex movements, which is cool. Like if you're fighting somebody in a chat room, you'd be the shit out of them But when you introduce physics and emotion, it's like a fucking hurricane. It just it's not going to be the same So I said that's cool. That's a great answer, but you didn't answer my question My question is what if somebody takes you down is mounted on top if you punch you in the face And there's nothing you can do what do you do then? And he looked at me says well does anybody want to try and again all my buddies pointed me so I go out on the mat and We go at it And a few seconds later. I've got him in a choke. He's tapping out He says well anybody can do that one time and I said I'll do it as many times as you like Let's go again. So we go again. I tapped him out again and it was just one of those I don't think I would respond this I certainly wouldn't respond the same way today But there was one of those moments in time where You know what? This is just what's gonna happen. Yeah, I mean it's funny that he said anybody can do that one time because as far as I know After you get choked out and you die, they don't have to do that again if they want to kill you It's true. That's true exactly Hey guys, I want to take a quick break for a second here You've heard me talk a lot about taking you to the next level in life at work and in your relationships And you've probably also thought to yourself. Yeah, I want to my game I want to become a better man a better boyfriend or husband and a better person And my guess is that you've been thinking about this for a long time. Am I right? Well, I'm here to tell you this Stop thinking your chance is now. Do you really need more time? More information and more plans for the future Or do you want to become that guy today? Because the truth is this You can be the guy who sits around and thinks about becoming better and there's plenty of those guys out there Or you can be the guy who decides that today is the day you're going to do something amazing And I want that for you Why because you've already got what it takes the potential is there even if you don't know it yet Join me and thousands of other guys who've taken action in their lives at the art of charm Call or email us and we'll see if the art of charm can help you with your personal relationship and business challenges. All right back to the show Wow, and yeah, I used to take martial arts and I was like there were these guys who were like No, I know praying mantis stance and I would be like, what if you get kicked in the nuts And they're like Well, I that won't happen because of my lightning reflexes. I'm like, whatever. You've never been kicked in the nuts, obviously You know exactly. I mean all bets are off when reality hits so Anybody who's ever tried any Ineffective shit and got their ass beat as a result. They're not as committed to bullshit anymore Yeah, it's funny. The reason I stopped taking the stand-up okinawan karate that I was taking was because I worked as a bouncer for four years Shortly after that's and it's funny. We have that in common because honestly nothing will get you out of a bullshit martial art faster Then going and watching people get their asses kicked or having to throw people out that are bigger than you or choke It's bigger than you because you were like, I'm gonna get into fighting stance and the guy's like I'm gonna hit you in the with a bottle in the face and you're like, oh, shit. I didn't train for that one That was not on my green belt test I missed that day Yeah, you know and it's like, oh, there's a guy who's 300 pounds and he's six foot six You need to make sure he's downstairs and out the front door before he hurts somebody and I'm like I don't know if you got the memo or if you are blinder than a bat But I am a five foot nine white guy and I weigh about 160 pounds back then You know, I wish I weighed that now and it's like, uh, I might need help Like can we have six or seven guys up here to help me get rid of this guy? And you know, you don't always have that luxury, you know If you're by yourself and somebody's acting up and throwing bottles at girls or something You've got to make sure that he slips and falls down the stairs because that's what small people do When they got to get rid of big people you got physics on your side. Yes, exactly. So Yeah, a long time ago, you know past life type thing. I was sure I'm 34 now I probably stopped probably by the time I was old enough to drink I was about wrapping that up, you know But yeah, it's funny because I saw tons of those guys that were like Oh, you know, that would never happen and blah, blah, blah And then it was like the FBI said 98% of fights in the street end up on the ground And then there was the Jiu Jitsu guys like see we knew that and then They're karate guys are like, what happens if you get attacked by multiple opponents? Then you're in trouble, you know, it's just like back and forth But it was all intellectual debate and it was like go ahead and Fight each other in groups and see who's left at the end. That's the only answer to that question Yeah, and then and that's life, you know for guys listening or for anybody listening to this I mean Jordan, I could you know, I can rap all day about like the physics and the mechanics and the psychology And we can geek out about that shit, but it's like there are lessons in this shit like there are Just pay attention to what works In any area of your life, you know everything that I teach now, you know online courses live trainings, whatever There's so much argument in the world about what's true. Well, this is the true way this is the true way to market This is the true way to get a girl's number. This is the true way to worship god There's so many true ways. My position is I'm much less concerned with what's true than what's useful And to me that's the acid test. I don't give a shit if it's true or not Is it useful doesn't produce measurable tangible beneficial results if it doesn't fuck it get it out And if it does keep doing it till something better comes along Excellent. So what are you teaching now? What are you teaching men now or people now? Yeah, um, it's been a totally organic process man. I you know after I did those fights I opened that school and I didn't know anything about marketing or selling I just knew how to train and teach and I loved it and I loved seeing the transformation happen for people And somewhere in the back of my mind. I knew that martial arts was a vehicle For this and that was where we built our school on You know, we didn't build our school based on who was you know, the baddest fighter and all that stuff We built it based on life skills and we built it based on helping people to get from wherever they are in their life To wherever they want to be and giving them tools to upgrade their confidence and upgrade their Perspective on life and it started affecting everything their relationships and their physical health and their income and now we had really just awesome people and I reached a point where I taught about almost 18,000 classes in physical training and sales and marketing training for our staff and I reached a point a couple years ago where I was literally in the desert at burning man And I had this like total epiphany I'm laying on my back the sun is shining the sky's blue and I realized I was done You know, we built that one school up to eight schools We had a consulting company that was attached to that So we were teaching other people in the industry and I just realized I was done and I just wanted to just work with people outside of the Not confines because it's an incredible vehicle, but I just was done with martial arts in that capacity So I sold my schools to a partner and Just began coaching and I started coaching friends of mine who are entrepreneurs And then that developed into one day I just grabbed my phone and I shot a video put it on facebook The video was called 70 seconds to self mastery and I just shot it forgot about it just felt good to share And I I opened my browser the next morning and it's got like 250 shares and people loved it And I had like there was more shares than I had friends I mean, I just I wasn't a big facebook person But people really resonated with the message and I realized that holy shit like this is This is the time, you know now is the time to go with this and it's not about business It's not about whether or not you're an entrepreneur or you're you've already got a six figure a month business Which is who I'd been coaching This is about people this is about human factor and it's about people Upgrading their life. That's what ended up developing. I developed an online course promoted it through facebook We had 55 people signed up through private messages like terrible funnel system No Optin it was terrible like by the way if you're coaching people on business I hope you've improved that aspect of your business by now because that's the worst way to sell anything Yeah, yeah, it was it was totally totally like grassroots Like I was pming people at like four o'clock in the morning like I can't wait to teach you It's gonna be awesome. And then I finished it. I look back. I'm like, you know, there's probably a better way to do this But you know, it reminds me of the art of charm home of beginnings, right? Like guys writing in and going, hey, can you help me with this and me being like, yeah, I guess You know, you should pay me though Do you want to mail a check or you want to like pay pal me some money? And they'd be like, oh, let me get back to you and then a month later They're like, yeah, I guess I'll write you a check and then they'd mail it And it would take three weeks to get there, you know from the other side of the world or something Or the other side of the country So funny And I'd go and cash it and then I'd get on the phone with them and yeah We should probably systemize this and even when we started our bootcamp seven years ago We had Guys would come in and be like, hey, and we'd be like, oh, we totally didn't know that guy was coming And and guys would show up and be like, hey, I'm Curtis from Canada and we're like, oh Curtis from Canada's here guys And then he's like, you didn't really know I was coming, did you and we're like Of course we did You're by the way, you're the only student for bootcamp this week And he's like, I'm only here for the weekend and we're like, yeah, that's what I meant, you know And that's like whatever it probably lessons. Yeah And now of course seven years later We've got like an actual school in a training facility and everything is systemized and looking back on that I'm like, how dumb were we? But it is funny you get excited about the idea and the execution of it You know, you don't plan for the little logistical things because they're not as fun And you don't really know what the hell you're doing and Eventually you figure it out. So what's some of the things that you're teaching? I mean, what are you teaching guys? Do you have a money habit or something that changed in your mind? Because when you're broke, it's not necessarily just because you're not earning enough money A lot of times there's a mindset issue there And then when you get a lot of money, I know a lot of people that make millions of dollars that are still broke Because they're totally ridiculous with their finances and they can't they can't they could buy a Ferrari In cash one day, and then the next day they're going, hey, man, you have any gas money I can't put any they can't put any money in their Ferrari. Yeah, they don't have any money So did something shift into your head that let you go from total dimwit with dough to oh now I'm a multimillionaire business guy and I got to kind of keep my shit together Yeah, well, it was there was a series of really pivotal moments And the first one was after I got the keys to this school and I realized that, you know, I've got this Whatever $2,000 a month rent and at the time I think I was making about $800 a month through private lessons and you know people that I'd signed up And so I had to level up and I realized that nobody gave a shit how good I was at martial arts or teaching And I had to really start to learn people's language And I had to learn to solve problems through martial arts not just deliver what I thought was, you know, the awesome part And so I had to learn marketing and selling really really quickly I went to a small business administration workshop in the morning in san Antonio And I walked out after 40 minutes as the most boring fucking thing I've ever been to And I thought if this is what it means to be in business, I want no part of it I will either go out of business and that's cool or I'll figure this should have on my own Looking back it was a stupid way to do it There's plenty of resources in the industry plenty of mentors And I was lucky enough to kind of stumble on some people who said, hey, you know, you should probably do it This way, this is how you answer the phone. This is how you greet people when they're coming in And so I was lucky to have a couple of mentors and at the time, you know, growing up without very much money A lot of love and a lot of support but not very much money That was something that was really important to me or I thought it was And so I set a target that I'm going to make a hundred thousand dollars a year It took about two two and a half years after I opened the school But I just I didn't have a plan B. I didn't have a anything else to distract me And I wasn't dating anybody. I didn't really have any Social life really it was just total immersion in the business And I just wanted to make as many mistakes as possible and you know a couple years later The school is doing really well and I was doing a hundred thousand dollars a year in the business and then I Shortly after that, I was able to net that much and keep it And then we set the target to do a hundred thousand and a quarter then we hit that and then it was a hundred thousand a month and When I sold the schools, we were on the way to do in a hundred thousand a week And you know that hundred thousand number was always kind of magical But if there's one breakthrough it's that I just started tracking What was important to me? And this is the core part of what I teach now whether it's in relationships or whether it's health or whether it's meditation Or whether it's money. There's something called piercings law and piercings law states that which is measured improves That which is measured and recorded Improves exponentially So my staff and I just started just getting absolutely religious about Where we're at for the day and setting these daily targets and you know just with an understanding that The money's there that is not a question of is there enough money? It's not a question of that the question is now the money is just in the wrong account It's in the account of the people that we haven't served yet And the only reason it's still in their account and not in ours is because we haven't demonstrated our value We haven't proven ourselves And until we prove that the best use of that money is to invest in themselves And what we have to offer we don't deserve the money in the first place So let's go out there and start proving it and that was really our culture Excellent that makes a lot of sense and it's very positive as well instead of like An adversarial relationship and things like that that a lot of new business guys have especially as well Yeah, and that's a scarcity-based mindset and and really I mean that's the same thing translates to guys who You know trying to understand women or trying to understand relationships and I just took the same approach when I found myself single after 11 years of marriage And I realized that I'd never really had I never dated like I never really went out very much, you know, I was super shy as a teenager Got a lot of recognition as a fighter and as a teacher, but socially I was completely awkward And I got married into a wonderful woman and then after 11 years Wasn't as wonderful anymore. I realized that there were some fundamental things that That I wasn't paying attention to wasn't looking at and we just decided to part ways and I found myself single With all of this skill set of communicating to people and building value-based relationships and all of a sudden You know, you wake up and you're like you remember spider-man when you know, he woke up after being bitten by the spider Yeah, and he's like no longer a skinny weak nerd and he's looking at himself in the mirror. Yeah That's how I felt it was like holy shit. Like I just love people in general and I started to have conversations with women that were extremely candid that were completely authentic and I would just Approach a woman and I would say hey, I'm jesse. What's your name? And we'd start talking and if it seemed like there was some chemistry or some attraction I would simply say here's the deal like I I came up to talk to you because you look like an interesting person And I'd like to see the world through your eyes for a little while That being said I like me plenty So whether you also like me or not is not that important to me, right, right? And it really just became this totally merit-based approach and You know, I ended up meeting a lot of just amazing women and having some fantastic connections and You know in some cases introducing them to friends of mine who were more of what they were actually looking for sure And there's just no need to play games, you know that this whole, you know, battle of the sexes is totally False it's completely fabricated. There's no need to battle Let's take a quick time out for a sec Some people think the art of charm live training programs are just about picking up girls And honestly, there's some of that one week with us and you'll be rocking out in that department. I promise But as a guy, I know how important it is to be awesome and well-rounded and not just awesome with girls You got to be awesome at work awesome at home and awesome with your friends and family guys We need to step it up everywhere and that's why we call our company the art of charm That's special something that gets you results wherever you go and trust me the results are real Every day I get new emails and calls from the guys who've decided to take our live training programs And what I hear is simply amazing. Just weeks after graduating they lined up promotion They form a new wolf pack and they start a new business or find a partner They have a new life and it's not an accident Call or email us and we'll see what the art of charm live training programs can do for you Now back to the good stuff Yeah, and it sounds like you went from the battling for essentially the scarcity mindset to Basically self-realization, of course when you almost died slash got your butt kicked and a sort of natural abundance that actually exists and it took me a long time to realize this as well And it's all I feel like I'm always peeling layers off of that too where I'm like Oh, I gotta hustle and get that money and then it's like, oh, there's plenty of that Gotta go out there hustle and get those girls. Oh, there's a lot of great women out there And now that I have my other shit together It's not that hard to be around them and and become you know, get into relationships with great people Oh, you know, I want to hang out with all the cool people. There's so much going on. It doesn't matter You're not going to miss anything, you know, it's just one thing After the other after the other and it's helped me become a lot less Competitive in areas where it doesn't matter and have a lot more fun and realize there's just like Like you and I were saying before offline There's more money sex power and positivity and influence positive influence when guys start to get this But it is tricky. Some of us have to be beaten within inches of our lives to get there Other guys have to work for 10 years to get there. You know what I mean? It's not something most people wake up. I'll a spider-man and realize Well, you just put it perfectly. There is plenty You know, if we can just accept that and we can just even if you don't accept it If you can just suspend your disbelief long enough To try that on for size I mean the culture in society just does terrible things to women But it does it fucks guys over too and you know, many women end up responding to society's narrative Instead of who they are authentically And the cool part though is it only takes one person It only takes one conscious person in the entire bar or the entire restaurant or the entire club or whatever It only takes one conscious person to relate to people authentically For them to really get it and it's man. That's a beautiful gift that you actually can give people I think the thing that's important and this stuff matters because everything you need is already in you and there's a lot of People out there that think I need more resources or I need Things to add on to my personality and that's why we say at the art of charm that this is all A subtractive process. So it's not about it's not about adding a cool guy persona on and adding cool guy clothes And adding muscles so you look, you know strong and tough and adding on cool tats If they're not part of who you actually are and you know doing weird things with your hair and getting lots of joy It's about taking away insecurity taking away Doubt and and self-doubt especially and taking away bad belief systems that aren't serving you that you've had for 20 years because of something that literally happened in high school or even earlier And a lot of people are laughing right now, but it's true You can get rejected or embarrassed by a girl in third grade and when you're 30 it's still fucking with your mojo Yeah, yeah, it will if you let it. There's no question I'm like sitting here on the phone. I'm just like nodding my head like yes. Yes. Yes everything you just said because it is a subtractive process and The hardest part is knowing how easy it actually is and I know that sounds like zen as fuck But it really isn't hard. What's hard is pretending to be something that you're not What's hard is having people accept that facade And having to keep it up because if you start showing who you really are they might not like you because that's not who they really know So it takes balls, man. It takes courage genuine courage To say hey, this is me and I like me plenty So whether you also like me or not is not that important to me And this is what I found and I'm sure that you found the exact same thing in your experience is that when you can completely and totally 100% accept yourself When you can accept yourself as you are who you are right now And you can accept that unconditionally Then that's actually a foundation for self-love If you can accept yourself as you are then you can begin to love yourself as you are And when we can love ourselves as we are Then it opens up this incredible space for Something that that I would call need Free connection. Well, we we can connect with people In a way that we have zero need to manipulate them and we are completely immune to any attempt For someone to try and manipulate us. Yes. Yes, I agree. And I think that's a huge element of the differences between a man and merely an adult human male Damn, dude, I just Said that same thing this last week in a training. Dude, that's uncanny. I agree a thousand percent Women will say what's up with all these man boys and you'll look around and you'll go This guy's a man child and you know, it's really man child is is funny But actually this person is an adult human male and it's not a man. There's neediness there There's baggage there that's causing this person to need to manipulate others to be manipulated by others And it's just it's really unmanly and I don't mean that in like the chest beating sense. You know what I mean I mean, I'm like the agenda having Guy who who wants things to go his way and is like manipulating people to get love and things like that It's just so not masculine in the sort of woo-woo sense that we're talking right now. Yeah, I do I agree Completely like I'm just sitting here not in my head again like yes And if dudes can learn What it really means to be a man and what it really means to be so stop being a boy No, just because your balls drop and your voice deepens doesn't make you a man And just because you have been laid 10 or a dozen or one or a hundred or a thousand times That putting your penis in a girl's vagina doesn't make you a man Or how do we as men Really maintain that manhood You know, that's what your entire beingness is about is helping guys and and everybody I mean a woman listening to this is going to learn so much about guys But she's also gonna learn about what it means to be human because that's what you've done You've elevated the conversation Completely above the level of how do I get the girl's number? How do I get laid? How do I you know kill my hangover the next morning? How do I beat a traffic ticket blah blah blah There's a shitload of that stuff out there and then you know, maybe there's time and a place for everything But you've elevated the whole conversation and From my perspective Jordan just like just to reflect back to you my experience of you just on this call Like you give people back to themselves That's awesome. I love that. That's what happens people see Their authentic self reflected in your language and that's a fucking gift, man You you have a gift with that for sure. I appreciate that. I appreciate you as well Is there some concept that you want to hit on or wrap with or something like that? You know, we've touched on a lot of things and I'm sure this is people are going to want to go back and refer to Because there was a lot of data points and a lot of nuggets I do share a concept which is super accessible for people But it just reinforces kind of everything that we're talking about So we'll kind of encapsulate the conversation in this I teach a concept called the triad and the triad is If you imagine a triangle and at the top of the triangle you have physicality And by physicality that means your your physical body You know your your health and your vitality. It also means your physical So the home that you live in the space that you occupy The vehicle or vehicles that you have if you have them your clothes your appearance That's all at the top part of the triad. That's your physicality The bottom right hand side when we're doing this live we draw Heart and that's your connection with other human beings that you share this Planet with and that may be a significant other if that's a space you're in You know, maybe one lover that you are just completely focusing your energy on it It may be a lot of lovers But it doesn't just have to do with intimate relationships It's also your family which is a different kind of intimacy and it's your friends And it's your employer or your employees. It's your customers clients all the people that you come into contact with That's the second part of the triad and that's an equally important part of your life And then over on the left hand lower part of the triad Draw dollar sign, uh, although I did have a guy in a training who drew, uh, you know, the bitcoin logo So that's on it. Yeah, whatever prosperity means to you financially. That's the third part and then in the middle I draw an infinity symbol But I've had people draw across if they come from a christian background Or I've had people draw star of david. I've had people draw crescent if they're the muslim faith It's really just Your connection with the infinite and whatever word and whatever Symbol you want to use to describe your connection with infinite intelligence. That's cool And there's not one better than the other So If we look at this visual now and you know people can kind of you know construct this for themselves At the top you've got physicality on the lower right hand side You've got your heart connections and your people and on the lower left hand side You've got your money and in the very center you've got your connection with source energy with god with the universe The main lesson is that these areas of your life are all completely connected You experience abundance in one you can experience abundance in all And there's not one of these areas that's more important than all of them And success in life comes from progressing in each of those areas Simultaneously not at the expense of another and so you'll see this happen Constantly where people will go into business for example make some money chase the launch chase the ipo Just get started, you know try and hit their sales goals But at the expense of their relationships or at the expense of their health or at the expense of their Spirituality or whatever they call their connection to non physical Energy and they justify it and society justifies it by saying well, you know He's a son of a bitch and he's broke and he's fat as shit But man that kind knows how to make money and people justify it and i'm here to say that's bullshit If you're only experiencing abundance in one or two or even three areas when you could and should be Experiencing it at all four simultaneously if somebody settles For abundance in one or two areas. That's like giving god the finger That's an interesting point You know you did touch upon one of my pet peeves and when an athlete or somebody or like a rapper will do something Just awful and totally ridiculous that he should be put in jail for and people are like, oh, well, you know what? I mean the dude is rich. So I don't care I mean even more reason for him to know better than to be a racist piece of shit or whatever it is And it happened and it's just like well, yeah, you know, he might be a total idiot on tv But you know scoreboard he's loaded and i'm like scoreboard. What that guy's a moron. I don't care if he's got 10 billion dollars Right, right So for me, it's just like you are not just your bank account You are not just your facebook I mean imagine if Reverse that take the money aspect out and put something else how many twitter followers you have or something What if somebody like somebody like rapes someone and they're like, I don't know though He's got like 800,000 twitter followers I know like that justifies it unbelievable and there's no reason not to have it all there really isn't Not in today's day and age where we know that it's bad for you to focus on one thing only I mean we know this we can prove with science that Stress and all these things will kill you and that you're not happier with a certain level of money after What is it like 68,000 bucks is like the top rung of happiness and everything after that's like a Super tiny marginal increase in lifestyle. I mean we know these things You know and we see the science behind the studies and yet people will still do it And I know that old habits die hard But hopefully here we can sort of shed the light on that and and help people think in a different way Thank you very much for that the feeling is totally mutual man And money just makes us more of who we are and the more we have the more we can the more we can be And more choices we get Well, thanks so much. Jesse elder people can find you at the show notes We'll be linking up Jesse elder calm Much appreciated brother both ways man. This is absolutely been a pleasure and can't wait to see your journey continue to unfold You're helping a lot of people man All right guys, I hope you enjoyed that really interesting underground bar fight type deal and almost dying in a fight. No, thanks I really liked separating the truth from what's useful and what actually works not just in terms of martial arts But doing this and applying this across our lives, especially in business And learning about money and these money mindsets to go from how he went from broke To multi-millionaire business owner. That's a mindset shift. I think a lot of us need to make it took me a long time to make these mindset shifts myself As well as cultivating that real legit abundance mindset without being super woo-woo about it But actually having that and putting that into play in a very practical way and creating and cultivating that balanced life and lifestyle More from jesse at jesse elder calm now. Let's wrap with a fashion tip from erin marino Due to popular demand. We got fashion tips from my man erin marino from i am alpha m.com He's going to be dropping some knowledge on us to learn how to dress our best All right, so i'm a noob to buying suits a lot of people at aoc love buying suits a lot of students ask me Hey, what kind of suit do I get i'm the last guy to ask and one of the things I notice is there's two and three buttons And double breasted single breasted. There's a million choices, but let's start with buttons. How many buttons? What's the trend in buttons right now? Two always go with two buttons. The idea is that the suit that you buy now Needs to be stylish in three years five years six years from now Two button is standard. It's classic, you know the trends one button three button four button five button They were going crazy with buttons. You really want to just stick with the classics, okay? As far as lapels are concerned go with the notch lapel It's going to be the safest you're going to be able to wear that suit now You're going to be wearing wearing that suit in five years from now two buttons is is my standard rule Excellent and what about ticket pockets? Those are tricky to ticket pockets another one of those trendy items You know it looks great now, but in three years from now you're not going to be seeing it So I would say go simple go as standard Classic as possible for that basic suit if you're looking to you know get multiple suits And you want to do something a little bit trendier then go for it But as far as the basic rule and rule of thumb go with two Simple classic, you'll never go wrong with it. Excellent for more from erin marino search for alpha m on youtube or go to imalpha m.com Solid show as usual if I do say so myself show feedback and guest suggestions We rely on you guys to help keep our finger on the pulse So if you know someone who's a good fit for the show, let us know at jordan h at the art of charm dot com Boot camp details. That's our live training at the art of charm dot com And that's also where you can find links to us on twitter facebook and other social media If you're listening to this, but you're not subscribed in itunes or stitcher then that needs to change Getting our shows delivered free to your phone or computer is the best way to make sure you don't miss anything You can do that by going to itunes and searching for the art of charm podcast Or by going to the art of charm dot com slash itunes and clicking subscribe. That's it You guys can also help us if you subscribe in itunes or stitcher Give us a five star rating and write something nice. We'll love you forever Just go to itunes.com slash the art of charm and it'll take you right there When you write us a review it not only makes us feel proud But it helps keep us in the ranks so that other people who can use this information Can find the show more easily and get the credible advice that they need It's also the best way to support the show other than purchasing training from us So tell your friends because the greatest compliment you can give us is a referral to someone else either in person Or shared on the web. So have a great week. Go out there and get social and leave everything better than you found it Thanks for listening to the art of charm get more confidence Relationship skills life hacks and everything for the extraordinary man at the art of charm podcast dot com