 This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. The Autobiography of Madame Keon by Jean Keon. Volume 2, Chapter 20. On January 29, 1688, I went to St. Mary's. There they let me know I must neither have my daughter nor a maid to serve me, but must be locked up alone in a chamber. Indeed, it touched me to my heart when my daughter was taken from me. They would neither allow her to be in that house nor anybody to bring me any news of her. I was then obliged to sacrifice my daughter as if she were mine no longer. The people of the house were proposed with so frightful an account of me that they look at me with horror. For my jailer, they singled out a nun who, they thought, would treat me with the greatest rigor, and they were not mistaken therein. They asked me who was now my confessor. I named him, but he was seized with such a fright that he denied, though I could have produced many persons who had seen me at his confessional. So then they said they had caught me in a lie. I was not to be trusted. My acquaintances then said they knew me not, and others were at liberty to invent stories and say all manner of evil of me. The woman appointed for my keeper was gained over by my enemies to torment me as a heretic and enthusiast, one crack-breamed and a hypocrite. That alone knows what she made me suffer. As she saw to surprise me in my words, I watched them to be more exact in them, but I felt the worst for it. I made more slips and gave her more advantages over me thereby, beside the trouble in my own mind for it. I then left myself as I was and resolved, though this woman would bring me to the scaffold. By the false reports she was continually carrying to the prioress that I would similarly resign myself to my lot, so I re-entered into my former condition. Monsher Charon the official and the doctor of Sorbonne came four times to examine me. Our lord did me the favor which he promised to his apostles to make me answer much better than if I had studied Look 21, 14, 15. They said to me if I had explained myself as I now did in the book entitled Short and Easy Method of Prayer I would not now have been here. My last examination was about a counterfeit letter which they read and let me see. I told them the hand was no way like mine. They said it was only a copy. They had the original at home. I desired a sight of it, but could not obtain it. I told them I never wrote it, nor did I know the person to whom it was addressed, but they looked scarcely any notice of what I said. After this letter was read the official turned to me and said, You see, madam, that after such a letter there was foundation enough for imprisoning you. Yes, sir, said I, if I had written it. I showed them its falsehoods and inconsistencies, but all in vain. I was left two months and treated worse and worse before either of them came again to see me. Till then I had always some hope that seeing my innocence they would do me justice. But now I saw that they did not want to find me innocent, but to make me appear guilty. The official alone came the next time and told me that I must pick no more of the false letter, that it was nothing. How nothing, said I, to counterfeit a person's writing and to make one appear an enemy to the state. He replied, We will seek out the author of it. The author, said I, is no other than the scrivener Cotier. He then demanded where the papers were which I wrote on the scriptures. I told him I will give them up when I should be out of prison, but was not willing to tell with whom I had lodged them. About three or four days before Easter he came again with the doctor and a verbal process was drawn up against me for rebelling in not giving up letters. Copies of my writings were then put into their hands for I had not the originals. I know not where those who got them from me have put them, but I am firm in the faith that they will all be preserved in spite of the storm. The priors asked the official how my affair went. He said very well that I should soon be discharged. Peace became the common talk, but I had a presentiment of the contrary. I had an inexpressible satisfaction and joy in suffering and being a prisoner. The confinement of my body made me better relish the freedom of my mind. Saint Joseph's day was to me a memorable day, for then my state had more of heaven than of earth beyond what any expression can reach. This was followed, as it were, with a suspension of every favor then enjoyed, a dispensation of new sufferings. I was obliged to sacrifice myself anew and to drink the very draughts of the bitter draught. I never had any resentment against my persecutors, though I well knew them, their spirit and their actions. Jesus Christ and the saints saw their persecutors and at the same time saw that they could have no power except it were given them from above. John 19.11 Loving the strokes which God gives, one cannot hate the hand which he makes use of to strike with. A few days after the official came and told me he gave me the liberty of the cloister, that is, to go and come in the house. They were now very industrious in urging my daughter to consent to a marriage which had taken place would have been her ruin. To succeed herein they had placed here with a relation of the gentleman whom they wanted her to marry. All my confidence was in God that he would not permit it to be accomplished as the man had no texture of Christianity being abandoned both in his principles and morals. To induce me to give up my daughter they promised me an immediate release from prison and from every charge under which I labored. But if I refused they threatened me with imprisonment for life and with death on the scaffold. In spite of all the promises and threatenings I persistently refused. Soon after the official and doctor came to tell the priors I must be closely locked up. He represented to them that the chamber I was in was small, having an opening to the light or air only on one side through which the sun shone all the day long and being the month of July it must soon cause my death. They bet no regard. She asked why I must be that closely locked up. They said I had committed horrible things in her house even within the last month and had scandalized the nuns. He protested the contrary and assured them the whole community had received great defecation from me and could not but admire my patience and moderation. But it was all in vain. The poor woman could not refrain from tears at a statement so removed from the truth. They then sent for me and told me I had done base things in the last month. I asked what things. They will not tell me. I said then that I will suffer as long as much as it should please God that this affair was began on forgeries against me and so continued that God was witness of everything. The doctor told me that to take God for a witness in such a thing was a crime. I replied that nothing in the world could hinder me from having recourse to God. I was then shut up more closely than at first until I was absolutely at the point of death. Being thrown into a violent fever and almost stifled with the closeness of the place and not permitted to have any assistance. In the time of the ancient law there were several of the Lord's martyrs who suffered for reciting and trusting in the one true God. In the primitive Church of Christ the martyrs shed their blood for maintaining the truth of Jesus Christ crucified. Now there are martyrs of the Holy Ghost who suffer for their dependence on Him for maintaining His reign in souls and for being victims of the divine will. It is this spirit which is to be poured out on all flesh as said the Prophet Joel. The martyrs of Jesus Christ have been glorious martyrs. He having drunk up the confusion of that martyrdom but the martyrs of the Holy Spirit are martyrs of reproach and eagdominy. The devil no more exercises his power against their faith or belief but directly attacks the dominion of the Holy Spirit opposing his celestial motion in souls and discharging his hatred on the bodies of those whose minds he cannot hurt. Oh Holy Spirit, a spirit of love, let me ever be subjected to Thy will and as the leaf is moved before the wind so let me be moved by Thy divine breath. As the eventuous wind breaks all that resists it so break thou all that opposes Thy imbiour. Although I have been obliged to describe the procedure of those who persecute me I have not done it out of resentment since I love them at my heart and pray for them leaving to God the care of defending me and delivering me out of their hands without making any movement of my own for it. I have apprehended and believed that God will have me write everything sincerely that his name may be glorified that the things done in secret against his servants should one day be published on the house tops for the more they strive to conceal them from the eyes of men the more will God in his own time make them all manifest. August 22 1688 it was thought I was about coming out of prison and everything seemed to tend toward it but the Lord gave me a sense that far from being willing to deliver me they were only laying new snares to ruin me more effectually and to make Father Lamant known to the king and esteemed by him. On the day mentioned which was my birthday being 40 years of age I awaked under an impression of Jesus Christ in an agony seeing the cancel of the Jews against him I knew that none but God could deliver me out of prison and I was satisfied that he would do it one day by his own right hand though ignorant of the manner and living it holy to himself. In the order of divine providence my case was led before Madame de Mendenon who became deeply interested in the account given her of my sufferings and at length procure my release. A few days afterward I had my first interview with Abbey Fenelon coming out of St. Mary's I retire into the community of Madame Miramion where I kept my bed of a fever three months and had an embossing in my eye yet at this time I was accused of going continually out whole disaspected assemblies together with other groundless falsehoods. In this house my daughter was married to Monsieur Lanikola's focute count D'Ivohe I removed to my daughter's house and on account of her extreme youth lived with her two years and a half even there my enemies were ever forging one thing after another against me I then wanted to retire quite secretly to the house of the Benetins and Bondarchi, my native place but it was discovered and both friends and enemies jointly prevented the family in which my daughter was married being of the number of Abbey Fenelon's friends I had the opportunity of often seeing him at our house we had some conversations on the subject of a spiritual life in which he made several objections to my experience therein I answered them with my usual simplicity which as I found, gained upon him as the affair of Molinos at that time made a great noise the plainest things were distrusted and the terms used by mystic writers exploded so I so clearly expounded everything to him and so fully solved all his objections that no one more fully imbibed my sentiments than he which has since led the foundation of that persecution he has suffered his answers to the bishop of Moe evidently show to this to all who have read them I now took a little private house to follow the inclination I had for retirement where I sometimes had the pleasure of seeing my family and a few particular friends certain young ladies of Saint Cyr having informed Madame Mandanon that they found in my conversation something which attracted them to God she encouraged me to continue my instructions to them by the fine change in some of them with whom before she had not been well pleased she found she had no reason to repent of it she then treated me with much respect and for three years after while this lasted I received from her every mark of esteem and confidence but that very thing afterward drew on me the most severe persecution the free entrance I had into the house the confidence which some young ladies of the court distinguished for their rank and piety placed in me gave no small uneasiness to the people who had persecuted me the directors took ambridged at it and under pretext of the troubles I had some years before they engaged the bishop at Charter's superior of Saint Cyr to present to Madame Mandanon that by my particular conduct I traveled the order of the house that the young women in it were so attached to me and to what I said to them that they no longer hearken to the superiors I then meant I then went no more to Saint Cyr I answered the young ladies who wrote to me only by letters unsealed which passed through the hands of Madame Mandanon soon after I fell sick the physicians after trying in vain the usual method of cure ordered me to repair to the waters of Bourbon my servant had been induced to give me some poison after taking it I suffer such exquisite pains that without pity Saka I should have died in a few hours the man immediately ran away and I have never seen him since when I was at Bourbon the waters which I drew up burned like spirits of wine I had no thought of being poisoned till the physicians of Bourbon assure me of it the waters had but little effect I suffer from it for above seven years God kept me in such a disposition of sacrifice that I was quite resigned to suffer everything to receive from his hand all that might befall me since for me to offer it in any way to vindicate myself would be only beating the air when the Lord is willing to make anyone suffer he permits even the most virtuous people to be readily blinded towards them and I may confess that the persecution of the wicked is but little compared with that of the servants of the church deceived and animated with a zeal which they think right many of these were now by the artifices made use of greatly imposed on in regard to me I was represented to them in an odious light as a strange creature since therefore I must, O my Lord, be conformable to thee, to please thee I set more value on my humiliation and on seeing myself condemned of everybody than if I saw myself on the summit of honor in the world how often have I said, even in the bitterness of my heart that I should be more afraid of one reproach of my conscience than of the outright and condemnation of all men End of chapter 20 volume 2 Athens, Greece, July of 2009 The autobiography of Madame Keon by Jean Keon Volume 2 chapter 21 This LibriVox recording is in the public domain At this time I had my first acquaintance with the bishop of New I was introduced by an intimate friend, the Duke of Chavruz I gave him the foregoing history of my life and he confessed that he had found therein such an action as he had rarely done in other books and that he had spent three days in reading it with an impression of the presence of God on his mind all that time I proposed to the bishop to examine all my writings which he took four or five months to do and then advanced all his objections to which I gave answers From his unacquaintance with the interior paths I could not clear up all the difficulties which he found in them He admitted that looking into the ecclesiastical histories for ages past we may see that God has sometimes made use of laymen and of women to instruct, edify and help souls in their progress to perfection I think one of the reasons of God's acting thus is that glory may not be ascribed to any but to himself alone For this purpose he has chosen the weak things of this world to confound such as are mighty 1 Corinthians 1 verse 27 Jealous of the attributes which men pay to other men which are due only to himself he has made a paradox of such persons that he alone may have the glory of his own works I pray God with my whole heart sooner to crush me utterly with the most dreadful destruction than to suffer me to take the least honor to myself of anything which he has been pleased to do by me for the good of others I am only a poor nothing God is all-powerful He delights to operate and exercise his power by mere nothings The first time that I wrote a history of myself it was very short In it I had particularized my faults and sins and said little of the favors of God I was ordered to burn it, to write another and in it to omit nothing anyway remarkable that had befallen me I did it It is a crime to publish secrets of the king but it is a good thing to declare the favors of the Lord our God and to magnify his mercies As the outcry against me became more violent and Madame Mandonon was moved to declare against me I sent to her through the Duke of Bovellier requesting the appointment of proper persons to examine my life and doctrines offering to retire into any prison until fully exculpated My proposal was rejected In the meantime one of my most intimate friends and supporters Monshir Fokad was called away by death I felt his loss very deeply but rejoiced in his felicity He was a true servant of God Determined to retire out of the way of giving offense to any I wrote to some of my friends and bade them a last farewell not knowing whether I were to be carried off by the indisposition which I then had which had been a constant fever for 40 days past or to recover from it Referring to the countness of G and the Duchess of M I wrote When these ladies and others were in the vanities of the world When they patched and painted and some of them were in the way to ruin their families by gaming and profusion of expense in dress Nobody arose to say anything against it They were quietly suffered to do it But when they have broken off from all this then they cry out against me as if I had ruined them Had I drawn them from piety into luxury they would not make such an outcry The Duchess of M had her giving herself up to God though herself obliged to quit the court which was to her like a dangerous rock in order to bestow her time on the education of her children and the care of her family which till then she had neglected I beset you therefore to gather all the memorials you can against me If I am found guilty of the things they accused me of I owe to be punished more than any other since God has brought me to know Him and love Him and I am well assured that there is no communion between Christ and Belial I send them my two little printed books with my commentaries on the holy scriptures I also by the order wrote a work to facilitate the examination and to spare them as much time and trouble as I could which was to collect a great number of passages out of approved writers which show the conformity of my writings with those used by the holy pen men I caused them to be transcribed by the choir as I had written them in order to send them to the three commissioners I also as occasion presented clear up the dubious and obscure places I had written them at a time when the affairs of Molinos had not broken out I used the less precaution in expressing my thoughts not imagining that they would ever be turned into an evil sense This work was entitled The Justifications it was composed in 50 days and appeared to be very sufficient to clear up the matter but the bishop of New would never suffer it to be read after all the examinations and making nothing out against me who would not have thought but they could have left me to rest in peace quite otherwise the more my innocence appeared the more did they who had undertaken to render me criminal put every spring in motion to effect it I offered the bishop of New to go to spend some time in any community within his diocese that he might be better acquainted with me he proposed to me that of St. Mary de Mieux which I accepted but in going in the depth of winter I had like to have perished in the snow being stopped for hours the coach having entered into it and being almost buried in it in a deep hollow I was taken out at the door with one mate we sat upon the snow resigned to the mercy of God and expected nothing but death I never had more tranquility of mind though chilled and soaked with the snow which melted on us occasions like these are such as show whether we are perfectly resigned to God or not this poor girl and I were easy in our minds in a state of entire resignation though sure of dying if we pass the night there and seeing no likelihood of anyone coming to our soccer at length some wagoners came up who with difficulty drew us through the snow the bishop when he heard of it was astonished and had no little self-complicency to think that I had that risked my life to pay him so punctually yet afterward he denounced it as artifice and hypocrisy there were times indeed when I found nature overcharged but the love of God and his grace rendered it sweet to me to the very worst of beaters his invisible hand supported me else I had sung under so many proportions sometimes I said to myself all thy waves and thy billows are gone over me Psalm 42 verse 7 thou hast bent thy bow and set me as a mark for the arrow thou hast caused all the arrows of thy quiva to enter into my veins Lamentations 3 verse 12 verse 13 it seemed to me as if everyone thought if he was in the right to treat me ill and rendered service to God in doing it I then comprehended that it was the very manner in which Jesus Christ suffered he was number with the transgressors Mark 1528 he was condemned by the suffering pontiff chief priests, doctors of the law and judges deputed by the Romans who value themselves on doing justice happier they who, by suffering for the will of God under all the like circumstances have so near a relation to the sufferings of Jesus Christ for six weeks after my arrival I knew I was in a continual fever nor had I recovered from my disposition when I was waited on by the bishop who would feign have compelled me to give it under my hand that I did not believe the word incarnate Christ manifest in the flesh I answer him that through the grace of God I know how to suffer even to death but not how to sign such a falsehood several of the nuns who overheard this conversation perceiving the sentiments of the bishop join with the priores in giving a testimonial of my good conduct but of their belief in the soundness of my faith the bishop some days after brought me a confession of faith and a request to submit by books to the church that I may sign it promising to give me a certificate which he had prepared on my delivering my submission sign he, notwithstanding his promise refused to give the certificate some time after he endeavored to make me sign his pastor letter and acknowledge that I had fallen into those errors which he there lays to my charge and made many demands of me of the like absurd and unreasonable nature threatening me with those persecutions I afterward endure in case of no compliance however I continue resolute in refusing to put my name to falsehoods at length after I had remained about six months at new he gave me the certificate finding madam Mendenon disapproved of the certificate he had granted he wanted to give me another in place of it my refusal to deliver up the first certificate enraged him and as I understood they intended to push matters with the utmost violence I thought that although I was resigned to whatever might fall out yet I ought to take prudent measures to avoid the threatening storm many places of retreat were offered me but I was not free in my mind to accept of any not to embarrass anybody nor involve in trouble my friends and my family to whom they might attribute my escape I took the resolution of continuing in Paris of living there in some private place with my mates who were trusty and sure and to hide myself from the view of the world I continued that for five or six months I passed the day alone in reading in praying to God and in working but on December 27 1695 I was arrested though exceedingly indisposed at that time and conducted to Vincennes I was three days in the custody of Montiardais Grace who had arrested me because the king would not consent to my being put into prison saying several times over that a convent was sufficient they deceived him by still stronger columnist they painted me in his eyes in colors so black that they made him scruple his goodness and equity he then consented to my being taken to Vincennes I shall not speak of that long persecution which has made so much noise for a series of ten years in prison in all sorts of prisons and of a punishment almost as long and not yet ended through crosses, columnist and all imaginable sorts of sufferings there are facts too odious on the part of the diverse persons charity induces me to cover I have borne long and sore languishings and abrasive and painful maladies without relief I have been also inwardly under great desolations for several months in such sort that I could only say these words my God, my God why has thou forsaken me? all creatures seem to be against me I then put myself on the side of God against myself perhaps some will be surprised at my refusing to give the details of the greatest and strongest crosses of my life after I have related those which were less I thought it proper to tell something of the crosses of my youth to show the crucifying conduct which God held over me I thought myself obliged to relate certain facts to manifest the falsehood the conduct of those by whom they had passed and the authors of those persecutions of which I have been only the accidental object as I was only persecuted in order to involve their in persons of great merit whom being out of their reach by themselves they therefore could not personally attack but by confounding they at first with mine I thought I owned this to religion piety, my friends, my family and myself while I was prisoner on Vincent's and Montchard de la Reine examined me I passed my time in great peace condemned to pass the rest of my life there if such were the will of God I sang songs of joy which the maid who served me learned by heart as fast as I made them we together sang thy praises, oh my God the stones of my prison looked in my eyes like rubies I esteemed them more than all the gotty brillances of a vain word my heart was full of that joy which thou givest to them who loved thee in the midst of the greatest crosses when things were carried to the greatest extremities being then in the best still I said, oh my God if thou art pleased to render me a new spectacle to men and angels thy will be done December 179 here she left of her narrative though she lived a retired life above seven years after this date what she had written being only done in obedience to the commands of her director she died June 9, 1717 employees in her 70th year and of the book of the autobiography of Madame Keon Athens, Greece July of 2009