 You can now follow me and all my social media platforms to find out who my latest guest will be and don't forget to click the subscribe button and the notifications button so you're notified for when my next podcast goes live. So I'm certain I've been protected by a higher power my entire life because I've been shot and stabbed and I've had so many near death experiences. I feel kind of up with Phil, I've been protected and whatever happens will happen. My grandmother was really poorly before I went in. My grandmother was like a father to us. He raised us as his son, you know. Yeah, I miss him and I miss him a lot. For what I've been put through by this person as in two trips to prison and all that. Everything else on the psychological side because, would it? And I mean on the flip side, I've said some things about him. Things that I believe to be true. But, you know, if you want to compare what we've put each other through I definitely feel I've had the shit under the stick. For me, people say shit about me, people do videos about me. For me, I'm an asset in silence. I wait as well. Just because I've been silent doesn't mean I fucking forgot and believe me, mate. And out of everybody, I'm the one you don't want responding to you. I'm the one you don't want sending a video back because I'll fucking destroy you. Still in the same breath, couldn't actually believe what I was hearing and what I was reading. And I've got a lot of shit, you know, myself for the things I've done. But as well, I've never been exposed for anything, ever. You know, anything negative that's out there. I've put it out there myself. Locked eyes with him, got in there and locked eyes with him. He looked away. He looked away. And I knew then, then I had the edge, you know. I mean, I was supposed to get steamrolled, remember? With the weight difference, look at the credentials, you know what I mean? That fight was never meant to go that way, apparently, to the public opinion. But I knew that was the least I was going to do. And I wasn't really happy with the draw, but I took it for my own reasons. I feel I need to be around here much. Ben, we're on. In today's guest, we've got fight and man Danny Christie. How are you, brother? I'm good, mate. I'm good. Good to see you. Thank you. I've seen you all over the internet the last, kind of, few months. Yeah. In a bare-knuckle fight, I must fair play. Like, total scrap, I must be honest. Like, mad fight, powerful fight. Yeah. But we'll touch on that later on in the interview. First and foremost, how are you? I'm all right, like I said. I'm getting there, you know. Getting there. I'm going to be on struggles like everybody else, but getting there. Starting to find a little bit of peace, you know? That's the main thing about a content. Yeah. That's all you want in life, isn't it? Your life has been a bit of a mad journey, which we'll touch on. How's the little... I always like to go back to the start of my guests. Where you grew up and how it all began. Hi, mate. Excuse me. I grew up just a mile down the road. Couric. Couric Estate. I always have a place in me, aren't you? It's just a place I've loved. I still love it now. I'm actually moving back there. Next chance I get over the next couple of weeks. Moving back there. It's always homing over there. And things was all right. Never had a bad upbringing, you know? I mentioned on another podcast, you know, similar stuff, you know, similar things. And, you know, I think I had a bit of trauma without noticing. You know, if that makes any sense, I had a... Definitely a big void with not having a dad about. And, you know, at the time, you know, you just get on with it, don't you? Things were all right. Things always seemed all right. Looking back, there was definitely a bit of instability there. You know, there wasn't as stable as it should have been. It could have been, you know, but definitely no complaints. What were you like at school? Little shit. Well, yeah? Yeah, you can see that, bro. Yeah. Yeah, I was cheeky, mate. I was, like, well-champion of giving grief, you know? Yeah. Well-champion, mate. Is that because you never had the father figure as well, though, that you kind of always had to stick up for yourself? Perhaps, mate. I took a lot of kick-ins in that at school. Got pushed about a bit at school, actually. And I never sort of realised, even though I was boxing from 11, I certainly never had the balls to engage with anybody physically until I was about 16, 17. And sort of set about a few lads that give us some shit shortly after I left school, gives it our time at school. And I sat about them and thought, you know, I can do this, you know, I can actually handle myself a little bit and went in the wrong direction, you know, with that sort of confidence. Is that why you went to boxing at such a young age? I can never remember what drew me to the boxing. I remember walking in the gym when I was 11 and the first spar I had got my nose popped and I went home and cried. And I thought, this isn't for me, you know? But I was meant to go back down. A few of the older lads who kept an eye on it and that's some good lads, they were going down at the time. They used to train, they used to compete. And they kind of, you know, almost pushed us back into it and I'm glad they did because, you know, slowly started getting better and better, confidence got better. And it's a brilliant thing, boxing. I would advise any kids, you know, or any parents, you know, to try and get the kids into boxing because good structure, good discipline. And to me, it only seems like there's the occasional wanker that's in boxing, you know what I mean? People, in my opinion, boxers are usually pretty good guys, you know what I mean? Yeah, you know, they try to keep their bodies. I was the same, I used to train and do a bit of Muay Thai in the grip, Pous England was going, you look at these kids and you would think nothing of them. Just nice, humble guys, just standing there, doing their thing, train hard. And you wouldn't think there were stone cold killers. Like, even if you give them shit on the street, they still would walk away. Absolutely, aye. Yeah, and that's what it's all about, I think. It's the ones who retaliate and act as the ones who feel as if they get something to prove. The ones who can properly have a terror on stone. Even the guys, I've interviewed a lot of guys for the SES. Yeah, and you would not? No. You would think who's that old wanker? Really honestly, I mean. Just tie you up, mate, in two seconds, mate. Before you know it, you're an operator. Yes, mate. Did you feel that it was a big part of your mental health as a young kid doing the boxing? Did that help a lot? I think so, looking back, it did. It certainly took up a lot of my time. Especially once I started getting better and better, I got to a decent level in the armatures, competing in the nationals a few times. I got to the quarters, which was a good standard, for kids from that club. It was a small club, limited funding and that. But we always seemed to do well, some good fighters. We seemed to go pretty far for the size of the club that it was. Obviously, I have to compete with big clubs from Liverpool, Manchester, and these clubs are getting a lot of funding, they're getting brilliant coaching. I think we're doing alright with them, you know? Did you have a big family? No. My dad came up from Burnley in the early 80s with me uncle Sean. They were told by a court that they had to get out of Burnley. The pair of them had to be somebody else's problem. They were told by a judge. There were a lot of bar stores and they come up on their own. I never had a big family. The majority of my family's in Burnley. What's left of them? Up here, I've just got my mum and my brother that's left. Obviously, my young kids, but above me, it's my mum and my brother. Did you have a job when you were a young kid? Oh, I was grafting a paper arm from when I was 11 and went on to the milk. Soon as I left school at 16, I was right unfitting carpets in the biscuit factory. I've never really not worked. I've always been a grafter. What was your first proper tear up? The street? Yeah. I won't mention his name, I think he knows who he is. Started swapping shots outside the school once when it was finished school. Between the two schools on the main road, I started swapping shots with him. I had pulled myself up a floor a few times and I don't think I won the fight, but I certainly got the respect of a few of the older lads for that. I've seen a few of your videos, it's like you never want confrontation. You don't want to fight, but then when you do, you seem to fucking enjoy it. Yeah, I do enjoy fighting for the right reasons. Do you get a good buzz from it? There's no books like it mate, you never feel more alive. I know you've been in prison, which we'll talk to you later. Have you been out of prison your whole life? No. I never went to prison until I was 34. No, 35, I think I first went. I first went 35 with the situation, the situation on the internet. The first one that I was remanded for 11 weeks. That was a nightmare, because I remanded a nightmare. You don't know what's going on, especially with the kids. Like I said to people before prison, for me, it wasn't the place itself. There's nothing hard about it. It's been locked up, it's not nice, but missing my kids mate, that was a nightmare. You know what I mean? Especially speaking to them on the phone, you get this highlight, this buzz, speaking to them on the phone, and these buzz are seeing them. And then when you go, you were 10 times lower than you were before you seen them. You know what I mean? Because it's kind of been given to you and taken away. Everything's just a height of frustration in there for me. But the place itself is like a community centre, you know what I mean? There's a lot of rats in there obviously, but I never, you know, can see how it doesn't work, you know what I mean? See how the system doesn't work. Especially if you're a young lad without kids, you know what I mean? And your business is criminality. It's just an occupational hazard, you know? I can't see it deterring many people, you know? To be honest. Yeah, not many people change when they come out of prison. It's a high percentage that people... Re-offend. Re-offend, mate. That's sad because everybody's got something, man. Everybody can do something productive. I've had people on it spent 20, 30 years in prison and came out and changed their life. It does happen, but only a small majority of people really want it. And if you come from broken homes, they're so far in the system from such a young age, you don't see any difference in anything in life. Yes, that was your first taste at prison life. Hi, first taste. I've done 11 weeks with my grandmother who was really poorly before I went in. My grandmother was like a father to us. He raised us as his son, you know? Yeah, I miss him. Yeah, I miss him a lot. And he raised us as his son and he was really poorly when I went to prison. I'd actually made a bit of a fallout with my grandmother over things that I'd done to my mom. You know, I'd kick off with my mom one day and I'd put my hands on her. I'm not proud of it at all, but it happened, you know? And my grandmother rightly so fell out with us and that was a knife to the heart. I'd never been so distraught, you know? I was the only person I ever... I mean, my mom's got a brilliant relationship now. We've always had a kind of on-off relationship, but I was never scared of disappointing the woman, you know? Just plain simple truth, you know? I was never afraid of disappointing her, you know? But my grandmother was a completely different kettle of fish with him. I was just a blue-eyed boy. You know, it was hard, you know? And it completely me on fault and completely me on doing. And, you know, I had to live with that in falling out with us. So it was poorly before... Really poorly before I went to prison. But he invited us round. Me and my mom made up. It was so grateful for... And he invited us round. My grandmother and I spoke to him and we were on good terms before I went to prison. But... I don't know what the notice is or what it's called, but it was kind of given so long to live. He was given a week to live by the doctor. So... During which time my legal rep and that he applied for this conditional... What was it? Bail, basically. And it was compassionate bail with immediate release given the circumstances. I had to get out and see my grandmother. I was never been so grateful in my life at that point to get out and go and see him. Because I knew how time was of the essence with him. And I got out that... Obviously job number one, I got out and immediately went to see him. I held his hand to his bedside and he couldn't open his eyes. And... He said some of the nicest words that I can ever remember. And... That was nice. I was so grateful to have that chance to hold his hand and for him to say the things he said to us. Will resonate in me forever. And... Within an hour he was dead. And that was difficult, you know. And... But I have to be... Just so grateful that I got that opportunity to hold his hand and his dying hour and for him to say the things he said to us. It was really, really powerful. Yeah, because you imagine if you were locked up you never got to see that pain in your life. I actually can't, mate, but I'm so glad it never happened that way. Yeah, but... Yeah, final words, which is the main thing. Yeah. That's the only thing you... If you do bad in life and it's your family that you took away, and that's the things you regret. But, like I say, mate, you've got a meeting which is something that probably kept you alive. Absolutely, and it's like sometimes... Regardless what you're going through, I think... You know, it's... Sometimes you swim through a river of shit, don't you? And just to get that little tiny bit of relief at the end, you know, and feels worth it, you know? No matter what you've been through, it felt worth it, you know? Because, you know, it's a funny thing the way things work out and becoming more and more of the opinion that things do happen for a reason. And I would have wanted upon, you know, dismissed things as a coincidence or... What would you do if you're into the... another situation? And, you know, I think it seems like that happened for a reason. And, like I said, grateful. I can't be any more grateful. I've never been any more grateful for anything, you know, to get that chance to speak to that man and tell him how I felt and tell him just to wholeheartedly apologise to him and he just shut me down. He said, forget about that, you know? I've got something to tell you. And it was powerful, you know? All the stuff that's been happening recently with your Bernocco match and there's been a lot of back and forth, a lot of mud that's slinging to each other for years. The other man from Kaleo, like, how did that start? The mental health thing I had a big problem with. I've never openly spoke about my own mental health, but I've got my own twists in that and a few dark places myself. I have kids who suffer from legitimate mental health problems. And, you know, there's a lot of mental health videos flying about at the time by, you know, a person. And I just had a large problem with what I was watching with my own eyes, you know, all these things, this this person, you know, and I just thought and I was disgusted, to be honest, that this person was somehow a representation of people who weren't having a very good time, you know what I mean? And I was frankly just disgusted and I challenged them. I was in a big, big way, you know, and I made a lot of noise and I was willing to, you know, physically engage. It was a fight I wanted immediately, just through, you know, dislike for this individual and what he was trying to project, you know, and I just thought mental health, I mean, mental health is obviously a very serious issue indeed. And for this person to be jumping on it, in my opinion, for other wrong reasons, you know, jumping on it for personal gain is what I've seen, you know, and parade and disabled kids about, you know, making videos of them, you know, completely for his own gain. And then, you know, I've got news that a certain individual he was helping, a certain individual he was making videos with, he'd return them to the parents and try to charge them a fee for the hours that he'd had them out and at that point I just had a lot of my own problems, of course, at the time, but I just channeled all this you know, bad emotion, all this negativity that I had going on in my own life. I channeled it, you know, towards this issue, you know, I made a lot of videos of violent nature, which I'm not proud of, but it was what it was, you know, I had a big beam with what was going on, what was being said and just the use of mental health you know, to you know, for his own, you know, gratification, whatever for his own personal gain, you know, I had a big, big problem with that and I still do, you know, I think there's a lot of stuff on the internet at the minute you get a lot of the wrong people jumping on the right purpose for the wrong reasons, you know, it's the old look at me helping this person Bollocks, you know what I mean? Yeah, a lot of people and the thing about YouTube, a lot of people think it's a judge and jury and everything that's on there, there's truth as well, you've got a question, everything from every angle just it's only people's opinions That's all it is. But there's never any smoke without fire, so there's always going to be question marks over every single person who's got a voice, people are always going to defend himself and attack back, which is rightly so as well, everybody's got to defend themselves as well, but for YouTube it's a weird, weird place, but for yourself in that situation, it seems to be never ending, it seems to be it's been on for years, like, was there ever going to be any closure with this situation? Yeah, for me I mean, I didn't say it, but I thought the fight would have put some closure on it, you know, for me, I remember coming home with Paul after the fight and I remember feeling this like a like an unburdened and I felt like, you know, like a really liberating feeling of like I've said it before, you know, I never really wanted to put hands on anybody as much as that person and once I'd done that, I did feel a bit self, you know, self satisfying and even when I turned up to the fight and I knew you know, I could see him over there, type of thing and there was this sickly satisfying feeling in my gut, you know, I was just so aware, it was just, I mean it was going down and I was buzzing, you know, but on the way home I did feel this feeling of kind of gone, you know this hatred, if you like had gone but I realised it hadn't gone, you know I'd just been diluted with a buzz, you know and it's been difficult for me lately, I mean I mean I'm not saying poor me or anything because there's always people in a worse position but I don't want this no more me, you know, I don't want this chew no more there's talk at least happening again March the 19th well, I'm game but you know, I just think I need to say something now that for what I've been put through by this person as in two trips to prison and all that everything else, all the psychological side that goes with it and I mean on the flip side I've said some things about him, things that I believe to be true but you know, if you want to compare what we've put each other through I definitely feel I've had the shit under the stick but in the same breath I forgive him I forgive that person not for him but for myself because I can't hold that level of hatred towards anybody anybody anymore I can't do it because you know, it's holding me back it's holding me back in what I want the person I want to be you know, it's holding me back it's held me back for years now you know, I've just come to the realisation that I don't need I don't need to hate him and I don't, I no longer want to hate him anymore I'm more than happy to turn up on the 19th and bust his first open but it'd be a lot more like a sporting event this time and I think the hatred that I had towards him definitely hindered my performance because I'm a lot better fighter than that you know, and if anyone knows fighting you know, they'll tell you you're going there angry, you're going to get beat well, I went in there raging back at the fight, you know, I am a lot better fighter than that I wasn't I wasn't capitalising on any of my feints I wasn't, and I was fighting him on a punch by punch basis, you know, I wasn't setting traps I wasn't thinking ahead like I do you know, on a bad guard, bad head movement bad defence, but you know, hindsight is a wonderful thing but at the time I was confident I was going to win but looking back emotion definitely hindered my performance in a big big way you know, so if this comes off you know, you'll see a lot more professional approach, tactical approach and you know, I'll win hands down yeah, holding on to raging anger towards somebody only consumes you as a person it's difficult to it's okay to forgive but it's okay to forgive but never forget but holding on to raging anger towards somebody is only going to consume you and take away whatever you can achieve in life because it's hard enough to change your own life when you're truly focused on yourself never mind all the outside noise and other people, for me people say shit about me, people do videos about me for me, I'm an asset in silence I wait as well just because I've been silent doesn't mean I fucking forgot and believe me believe me and out of everybody I'm the one you don't want responding to you I'm the one you don't want sending a video back because I'll fucking destroy you, that's just facts bro and my actions my actions have always spoken over the last few years I don't get involved because frankly I'm too fucking big for it nobody's on my level and I'll be cocky as fucking constant as fuck as I like because I work hard on everybody else I've had over 250 guests on this podcast 99% of the people speak very highly of me and I will take that percentage all day long it tells you something about me also tells you something about your own character the thing I like about you Danny is you own your misery, you own your pain and your fuck ups doesn't justify what you've done in life certainly not but the fact that you go you know what I've done things I've fucked up, I'm sorry it's life if everybody just comes out and tells the truth you actually get more respect and support because the thing about people in the UK the majority of them see through bullshit the majority know what's real what's right, what's wrong we've got a good fucking eye as much as we can come from fucked up environments we're raised to smell bullshit and that's the thing about it so if you're not real everybody can pretend for 3 months, 6 months mask always truly slips for anybody I'd like to think I've made a good account of myself over the last 4 years far from a saint, many mistakes I have done many things I regret, many things I'm a shame dog but I'm trying to rectify it I'm trying to produce a good life I'm trying to bring podcasts so people can understand and pick up some inspiration this is a business for me, I'm here to make money I'm here to feed my family I've found an avenue where I can do that and I enjoy what I do, there's a lot of envy out there that's understandable I use that negativity as a positivity when they send me negativity I will zob that with positivity because I know they're broken I know they're so fucked in the head so when I sit in silence a lot of these people are so warped in the head that they think, oh that was easy it's not, I'm just sitting, I'm waiting I took a little bit of that what you've just said especially lately I've still got a troll trolls, you know I still got a lot of shit on the internet and I can handle it, I can handle it all but there was a time, especially two years ago when I was new, you've got to remember I've only got a Facebook with my first social media it was two years ago, that's how new I am to it so I was first getting a grief for abuse I want to know where people live I'm getting that boiling you know what I mean, I'm screaming at my phone I'm bouncing around the house excuse me but like you said, it just all consumed me and it was all for the wrong reasons and now I draw strength from it I draw strength from it, if I want to reply if I think there's something cocky to say to me, I'll say it but a lot of times I won't I draw strength from it especially the last 10 days or so I've actually started praying for people that maybe don't deserve it or maybe you say I shouldn't do but I can't help it I feel for them a bit a little bit once upon a time I never felt a little bit, I feel for them and I feel that it must be quite sad for them to project this this sort of stuff it's definitely an element of I feel sorry for them it's hard it's easy to respond it's easy to retaliate, it's easy to do all that stuff but how much it consumes you after that is so draining because then it never ends it's hard when people are constantly trying to antagonise and call you out for things that are so untrue that you think whatever but when you're still reacting they start getting even more annoyed because they thrive on hatred, they thrive on negativity of course they do people just need to look at actions and see who's right who's in the right, who's in the wrong people can make their own assumptions but again it doesn't make you a judge or a jury where it doesn't really mean fuck all the first time you went to prison what was that for was this through all the stuff that you were doing online yeah I was shocked that he never even got to court to be honest I was shocked that he ever even got taken in by the police just given the fact that the nature of the individual I was dealing with you know apparently he was he was just in that was you know and he ended up going to the police because he didn't like being called names and that was at the time I drew strength from that thinking you know this is a bad day this is a bad day for this person you know I still have the opinion that he doesn't know what a bad day is I remember that opinion but you know I thought this is a bad day for him you know somebody calling him names you know and I still have the opinion you know he's not really quite certain what a bad day is but I was in shock the fact that I got nicked for it you know and they were coming with this harassment and that and then I seen 13 statements and I was reading them and I was just like who is this person you know one hand is this you know but really apparently terrified and it was a bit shocking to be honest there's somebody certainly never expected and instead of at the time I mean I was my head was all over the place and had a lot of my own problems going on but I just jumped on it for all the wrong reasons and I jumped on it and you know I was channeling a lot of my own shit towards what was going on but I still in the same breath couldn't actually believe what I was reading and what I was reading and I got a lot of shit you know myself for the things I've done but as well I've never been exposed for anything ever you know anything negative that's out there I've put it out there myself you know nobody's told me anything about myself that I haven't already put out there or that I don't already know or that people don't already know so one of these tales of bad things I've done I've been put out there by me you know is that so one no one so no one's got anything hanging over you to try and maybe cause people like to think I've got this I've got that I can do this and do that fuck it I'm so what do you know what I mean it's easier when you become truly clean and go you know what say what you've got to say that every single person on this planet has fucked up every single person on this planet is a bit deluded that we all believe we're own shit we don't know what's going on in everybody else's brainlet it's just a mad environment it's a mad life but this is a life we're in this is the age that we're in that people can do videos in that like you've got to remember you're doing videos calling people out saying you're going to do this that's a guilty straight away that's evidence they're straight away that you've done it you can deny that so you've got to take responsibility as well something's stuck in okay but you you've done that you've done the videos bro I don't agree anymore man people watching go well you've done bank your rights and it's very easy to point the finger and say it's his fault or it's her fault well you personally don't doubt about it and it is hard if you're thinking two fighting men and you're expecting let's meet up, have a tear up, shake hands walk away but obviously when people start calling the police or you get sent to prison and you're going to be even more bitter if you're in prison thinking I'm not going to see my granddad the man who's raised me because of this man you're blaming every single other person for your own fuckup for doing the videos instead of going you know what I'm in here because of me and that's the thing that's when people get that's when the changes start happening in your life I believe anyway but did you ever expect that you're going to get sentenced? yeah, did you know? yeah, just through my barrister telling me this is guilty here I mean I even I tried to change my plea I tried to change my plea to not guilty but they wouldn't have it then the court wouldn't have it we had a good case for not guilty I feel not me being me as well in the interview just admitted to everything I didn't do myself any favours but you live and learn but as far as blaming myself it was the first time around then the first 11 weeks that shouldn't have been here and that was wrong but I was out 11 weeks on a tag then I was sentenced for 16 months crown court for probation harassment, malicious communications I think that might have been it but second time around I had about a week in Durham and I I changed this kid in Durham and lost me in I ate this kid in the queue why? pushed in front of us mate when I was speaking to a screw about my allocation I'd been sentenced I was desperate to know which prison I was going to be scared well perhaps but at that time I was deep down a bit scared it's not a nice environment it certainly hit home once I hit this kid because he had a lot of boys a big team caused a bit of chew for myself I got moved off the wing I was screaming at the pad door all these lads were screaming at me I was screaming at them I couldn't get my mouth shut and they opened the door and said you know, Christy you're the where, you're going to die so you're going on the other wing, so I want to be a wing two days later the common goers took us to Kirkham open prison because my offence was immediately qualified for catty with my offence because he was witnessing intimidation without violence and it was just such a low a low charge immediately qualified for this catty so two days, three days later after I hit this kid the common goers took us to Kirkham and I thought oh this is great, I got there I've said it before, I thought I was at a christening when I got there, there was kids and women everywhere, it wasn't like a prison one day I had there and then the niggas come through on the system the common goers have been ducking me in the morning these niggas come through, you shouldn't be here I got took to Preston and by that point I'd been three gels in three days and the stress was through the roof I was sick it was a couple of days before Christmas the chappeling common goers, I knew it was bad news took us down to the chapel told us that me and he had died permanently and I was real tight with her like real tight with her and I had a massive breakdown in the chapel mate, I was in there crying for about two hours and it was only then and only then that I completely blamed myself and I recognised, you know what I mean that this was entirely my fault nobody else's it was a million and one things that I could have done apart from the things that I'd done and I didn't, you know, I chose to do what I'd done you know what I mean and that is my fault, no one else's and it was only at that point when I had a real breakdown I said 19 nights in that Preston was probably the 19 loneliest nights of my life, you know what I mean that was horrendous, I hated that prison hated it and you know, I think from that point in the realisation that it was my fault, no one else's definitely come with I think it was growth, you know, over time from that the recognition of it was just completely my fault up until that day it was everyone else's fault but I definitely came to the realisation that I had been a proper twat and when I've had things you know, they're completely the wrong way and like I say, we live and learn, don't we there's no other you know, you're on your knees in a chapel crying for hours a proper breakdown you don't forget things like that I mean, places that you don't ever want to go again emotionally, you know that's because it's the first time your freedom's been took away it's the first time you've been in prison I was the same, when I went to prison I realised I ain't coming back here, I value my freedom too much, I value life, I value I've made, that's why I've always been careful over the last few years to changing my life and doing certain things but you don't have a, like if time is so valuable and I say if no matter if you're in prison for a week or 30 years, your time is so valuable and you'll never ever get it back now you seem to have had the biggest slump in your life when you're in prison because you lost two of the biggest people in your life and that's always going to play a massive effect on your mind that what if I've ever done that and I could've spent more time with them but in all honesty you probably just you probably wouldn't have realised how much your life is worth and there's always stages in your life where things happen for a reason, which is crazy when you first went to prison what was it like when you were on the bus driving to prison? Terrifying Terrifying me I spoke about this on the Billy Moway podcast Big Shoutout Billy Moway Billy Moway, I love Billy Moway Big Shoutout I had a brilliant day down there with them too but yes, I saw it touched on it on his podcast Some Addict in the next like a booth giving us a load of verbal didn't know what to make of it didn't know what to say, hardly responding and I was going to be his bitch and that apparently, you know as soon as I was having a bit of a conversation when I mentioned it was my first time we was hauling oh we've got a first time in here and you were cleaning my fucking pad boy on that didn't respond, I thought I just didn't know what to think of it, didn't know what to make didn't certainly didn't like what he was saying anyway you get off the bus to reception and the wing was going mental something was happening on a wing at the time and it was going mental when I got there it was going bananas on that wing and the wing was just there when you get off the bus, anyone that knows him didn't do them and you go up the stairs to reception and I remember going up the stairs in a bit of a queue this kid, this idiot was in front of him he's been given his grief and I remember my lip going on the way up the stairs like proper going like big time and I was like, I couldn't sort this out Danny you know, he's in the big house now got up to reception started asking I was the first one this kid sort of took a step for whatever reason he was the first one through the door but he wasn't asked any questions first he just sort of stood a couple of metres away name and that as we were talking to him I remember my lip going on, I couldn't speak couldn't get my words out because of the emotional state I was in and I'd just seen this kid's head turn and look at his and I knew we could see that I was upset and I just snapped I cracked him, proper cracked him and I gave him another two or three cracks and I just cracked him all day I jumped on by other schools in reception and I got twisted up so badly mate I was screaming in pain I've got bad wrists and a bad ankle and they were twisted up and they were in my back pocket and I was screaming in pain that was my first experience in prison I'd been there five minutes did that bring back a lot of memory from school people kind of try to not burying but antagonise initially no mate but I just remember I just couldn't remember blaming everyone else I just felt this massive injustice that I shouldn't be I just felt that I shouldn't have been you know what I mean I was like it's everybody else's fault and I guess it took a while for us to come to the realisation it was all my fault that was my first experience and I got seven niggans in the first ten days for fighting on the induction wing I just could not keep my hands to myself anyone that comes to my pad door and asks for a whitener or anything like that I just crack him I just straight into him immediately and I started I caused a bit of noise you know I got invited into this kids pad Nathan he was called he was in there for a murder he was back at court he was being sentenced and he was back at Durham for something something I think it was something to do with something that happened in prison anyway and he had a word with us you know what I mean and I was younger than me but I've never listened to anybody so much he's like you need to calm yourself down he said you're making a bit too much noise and I said you know I'm not really happy with you you know there's a bit of prison politics in there if you like and I said you know you were just a visitor look at me he said I'm not going to be out for another 33 years and he said you know you were just a visitor he said mind your neck in some you know he just did it on older he told me a little bit about what I shouldn't be doing and he loaded us up I was waiting on my first canteen which I never got and he loaded us up he had like a load of canteen boxes under his bed and he just loaded us up life as pads he had everything and he just loaded us up with like a big camper sent it back to my pad and I think from that day I really calmed myself down I never got into any more chew at all well I did actually got into another bit of chew a few weeks later there was a kid stashed the black ball I was seeing the last head of bird coming through at the time so the whole wing got locked down because he'd hit the ball so you can imagine how happy I was about that the birds sitting on a visit they never got out of my pad the whole wing never got out of the pad so the whole wing was boiling and the next morning I conveniently told everyone where it was after he'd school where he wanted to visit so he was out on the yard the next day we missed a source we missed an exercise because of that on a visit so the next A wing B wing yard in Durham anyone's been there or not top of the stairs from B wing Mr McCarthy, Mr Hunter two screws I really got on with him Mr G, good screws I told him at the top of the stairs I'm going to go down at the yard and I'm going to splatter that mate I'm going to kill that and they were that boiling with him themselves they said you have got as long as it takes for us to slowly walk over there and stop you so they gave me the green light so we walked by his once walked by his the second time and I just jumped on him just put a load of shots into him all over and put a good knee into him as well slammed him off the floor they literally just felt a hand on me so softly come on Christie that'll do is that enough and just walked us back to my pad and he came to us and did nothing and the nicking for that disappeared so it was buzzing did you start getting a bit of respect and the only thing where that is when you're cracking people and barring people you start getting a sense of power if you had to keep up that persona a little bit I certainly projected the image of somebody who didn't give a fuck definitely but I don't think you do Danny if I'm honest do you know what I mean I know you battle up here and I know that you can be hot and cold up and down just like everybody but for me looking at your videos there is a sense you who doesn't give a fuck and that's a scary thing to be like you've always betrayed yourself look man but listen I can have a tear up and I've got a big set of balls that I don't think you would shy away from anything but when you're in that prison and you're getting that attention is that a good buzz even though you're hot and other people to get at I think so I think so you know it is empowering if you like when people expect you to be ticking a certain level of shit and you don't tick it I think it felt it felt good at the time definitely got plenty of respect of people and nobody bothered us you know and more and more Carlisle kept coming in we had the cleaners the cleaners was nearly all Carlisle on that wing I think there was 13 cleaners this summer I think 9 of them were Carlisle so we had it cushy you know we did have it it's prison it's not good it's not an ideal environment but we definitely made it as good as we could you know there was parcels and that coming in things were alright as can be in jail you know were you getting your puff? hash? I was spending a fucking fortune on it hash on that we did get a bit of star dog on that little bit do you think that was one of the reasons at the start you were about fucking strong out because you never had anything more angry at? oh absolutely mate absolutely I couldn't sleep for the first long nights mate well once you're in three or four days that's when the dreams and the nightmares still come and I'll never forget the dreams always used to be happy dreams and I'd always either be with a viewer or I'd be out somewhere doing something out of prison and then you wake up and you're in prison you know that was the dreams were so vivid you know it's like I was there the dreams are so deep and vivid and when you're getting clean like they are now you know I'm 10 days clean at the minute congratulations mate thank you and um you know it was very much that the dreams and that was horrible you know to have these vivid dreams where you're so convinced of the you know that you're not in prison you're having a good time away and whatever and you open your eyes and you're fucking in prison like that was depressing you know not a very good way to start your day so how many fights do you think you were in the full couple of months you were there a few months you were there? maybe I had 10 or 12 10 11 fights easy in the 11 weeks dinner was first there people go through that full life sentence mate and don't have fucking one fight does that make you question yourself as well wait a minute fucking you let me be I'm always carrying I've definitely I'm working on myself a lot at the minute and I know looking back in the past and that I've my temper's been fucking out of control my temper's I rage you know what I mean I do and when I vex I cry you know what I mean and at that point when I am crying and I am upset I get this feeling that I could fucking punch a hole in a tank you know I get this feeling of it's not a nice feeling by the way but when I get to that point of emotional fucking turmoil like I'm not upset it's like I've got a channel it's somewhere and it's usually rage you know I usually turn to being violent and I don't want to do that anymore mate I don't want to be that person anymore you know and it's difficult because we are who we are it's like I really like my programming it's like your paradigm and not really proud or pleased with the person that I've been in the past especially some of the impulsive behaviour that I do and a lot of character defects mate and this working on myself this getting clean it's going to the fellowship this it's the biggest job I've ever taken on in my life you know getting clean, addressing myself it's difficult mate it's really hard and these last 10 days I've been all over the place I've taken a lot of volume on the quiet in that last year smoking weed order sniffing whiff all night then taking volume to get to sleep and that just seems to fucking repeat itself and because I always make them work because I was paying bills it took us a long time to recognise it as a problem you know I'm an addict it's as simple as that and I've got the disease of addiction and I don't know if it's genetic or what but I seem to come from a long line of junkies you know and you know it is what it is but it's definitely a big job what I've taken on this but especially these last three or four days feelings someone said I went for a brew the night someone said the best thing about recovery is getting your feelings back that's the worst thing about recovery is getting your feelings back because you start getting a fucking you start growing a conscience everything that you think wasn't really you yes you're admitting it but everything you've done wrong comes to you a hundred times worse bro and that's when you realise wow because you're so deluded you're so caught up in your own little box that you don't want to think about the things you've done you don't want to think about the people you've upset because everybody else is to blame so once you actually start grabbing the reins start becoming clean as the conscience everything you've suppressed down here comes to the surface and you realise oh wait a minute look at that person and that's the difficult part but you're a fighting man clearly this is the biggest fight in your life to stay clean not just for you but for your kids because your kids are the reflection of you that's what keeps me going and like we spoke earlier that everything I'm doing comes more pressure is that just addy pressure, addy pressure I'm not used to that, I'm not used to try to have a successful life and try to do the right things and come across professional sometimes the people know what was going on here they would think yeah professional professional and that's all you can do is your actions speak louder in your words but if you're taking that first step and try to change no matter what age I take my heart off to you brother because it's an amazing thing it changes a beautiful thing it's such a beautiful thing when you start realising in words that you're changing nothing outside can really hurt you anymore and I always say this saying but if there's no enemy within the enemy outside can't do you no harm and that's the position I'm in that's why I don't retaliate when you put in a place from time to time some idiots need fucking bat of fuck out of time of course they do that's life, we're warriors we're hunters at the end of the day it's embedded in us but you can sit back and relax and go do you know what when I'm ready I'll load up the gun fire back when I need to fire back for me that's a bit of a strain for you people so don't do this and do that but it's hard because we aren't men every man thinks they can fight every man thinks they're something special but I'm sorry to let people know but he's in all right he's need to fucking take a couple of steps back and realise I've still got a lot of work on that even myself my life is going great but I don't ever say that I'm the happiest man in the world because I'm still fucking battling I thought that everything I had now would cure all the pain but if anything it fucking made it worse it's fucking made it worse bro and I'm thinking what is that I'm doing then am I just totally fucking wired up wrong or am I chasing the wrong thing that's just constant question and I think that's just I think that's called life bro question everything but once you've got a conscience once you're clean your soul is pure and your heart is pure as it can be like I say I still got a lot of bad thoughts I don't act on those thoughts but I'm trying to take away the darkness I'm trying to just be as good as I can be when the people can go do you know what if you can change I can change and there's so many great people out there who's been in recovery for 20 30 40 years and you think wow they just look different the presence is different the energy is different they don't look tense sometimes I can stall tense up because I'll think about something and I just tense up I'm mad, hang me when you started getting out of prison how was that relief for you I got out of prison second time the last time I had a lot of support and I was seeing a lot at the time really nice loss and I was living just out of town with her and for whatever reason I'd done the same thing as what I've done with nearly every decent relationship I've had in my life I just woke up one morning and thought nah, don't want it without good reason just commitment issues I just thought don't want it, don't want this things are going good, things are going great you don't feel as if you deserve it I haven't quite really got to the bottom of that yet but I'll get there I've done that with so many good relationships, solid relationships, nice people and I just woke up one morning and just done what I've done so many times just opened my eyes and thought nah, not for me, I want to be on my own yeah that's hard so your aunt passed away in prison, your granddad was dying your granddad passed away seeing you went back to prison what's come through your mind then were you thinking you know what, was it revenge or was it I'm going to try and change my life I couldn't help but I still really want to put my hands on that person it was like this is something I always had in me and I knew that was going to happen one day I know there was legal restrictions in place they're still in place now there's certain things working behind the scenes to get them sorted but we'll leave that there certainly had a passion for hurting that person and I thought about it almost on a daily basis fantasised over busting him up and it was I was ripped off by a lot of people and even people close to us said I think you better be here if you know, you'll get hurt here I knew different I knew different I know what I'm capable of doing and you know I couldn't help but this thing living in your head rent free and that's a big big thing that everyone keeps saying and repeating that but I was there mate I couldn't help but and it's going back to what I'm saying what I said earlier about I can't afford to be like that no more mate I can't afford to have that person or any person you know, in my head like that you know what I mean it's and I'm not forgiving anybody for them might sound selfish but I'm doing this for me and I'm forgiving that person for my own reasons because I cannot move forward with me own life with that level of you know hatred towards another person it's really really unhealthy and I would advise anybody that I would advise anybody you know don't hate anybody you know it is very very difficult to let go especially when someone you feel like someone's put you through so much and they're still you know twining because they're getting cold names you know you think you think you've got all the reasons in the world to continue hating this person but you know take a look at yourself mate and ask yourself what it's cost you you know what this hatred towards another person has cost you and will continue to cost you and that's the question that I've asked I've asked myself you know a lot you know a lot lately and you know what do I want I still don't know mate what do I want but I know what I don't want and I don't want to hate anybody that's a great start how long was it before you got a prison 2 the fight you had how long? it was a decent 20 month so a long time to bottle all that emotion hate for each other it goes both ways don't it both ways like it's obviously just became to the surface now that a lot of people are speaking about it and when I first joined the podcast that I was one of the first to start like 4 years ago and it was a great life man it was just good man just having a laugh and interviewing people and I'm still kind of stuck to it yes people have kind of fell away to the wayside and I will give everybody a chance I genuinely will if you're good to me like I'm friends with murderers, drug lords bank robbers I don't look at their past I look for when I meet them we're still in contact like I say 99% of people on this podcast will still keep in touch they'll still speak highly of me because I've never fucked anybody over just certain people you put to the side because you just don't want anything to do with them and everybody I've kind of stood back from it's kind of proved that I was right it's not that it's right for me they can necessarily say something different but I only look after me and when I cut somebody off it's done there's no turning back there's no sorry's you'll never see me say sorry to somebody begging people up and doing this and jumping from camp to camp to camp that ain't fucking me I'm me, I'm my man who has morals I believe yes I fuck up like every single other person but you don't see me jumping around and causing shit and stirring the pot some people might say I do but I don't or else I could fire back every single day but I know how tiring that shit is when you have actually got the call that the fight might happen because you can't take it away from me as a fight and man he can scrap like five stone heavier as well that if all honesty you're thinking a hundred times that fight happens Bernocco champion five stone heavier you're choosing him a hundred times for looking from the outside people never gave you a fucking chance when you got that fight when you got the call because it must have been going back and forth as you say 20 months how did it come about that you eventually decided right let's fucking do it I think it had been a decent 20 month or whatever down since I got out the nick all of me licensing that extensive you know anger management and all this stuff with probation and that went on for a while and uh out of nowhere and I mean nowhere I was mentioned again and I was threatened and I couldn't get me head round it thinking I'm trying my best to forget about you and uh wouldn't let me forget a lot of me me own past and mistakes were being brought up again um threatened and threatened and threatened some more and I decided after two or three threatening videos towards myself they would respond no I'm full well I shouldn't have been because there was legal restrictions and um I responded and uh found myself back in the same position I was in the very position that got us into prison that not backing down not giving a fuck you know let's do it type of attitude and uh offered this fight for the phone rang it was you know some people and they says you know this fight's happening you know you're fighting him in I think it was six days time well it was six days I think the call come on the the week before and on the Thursday when I was fighting him the following Friday I was given an option you know if you don't want to fight him make a public apology well we're probably more chance than Nelson getting his eye back you know than me apologizing you know and like I said maybe forgive but I haven't forgot and I'll never apologize so I was given the option you can apologize you can face him but I couldn't help but think on the run up to the fight that I had the edge because someone I've never mentioned until now was that person was ringing Paul all week I'd already got Paul big shout out Paul Venice by the way seems a nice man I think he's about I owe Paul a lot mate I owe him an awful lot more than I can put into words in his podcast but I spoke to Paul for about two years while we're on that how I met Paul when these videos sorry we're going about on me I've been a tit basically threatening people everywhere and all this stuff these videos were online and obviously from an outsider looking in I've looked some of them old videos and I think what a twat you know you wanker mate you think that's all right now see when you come clean mate so they go on there we go I know I know you're probably how you just fought me full of volume not giving a fuck absolutely they're on the internet I haven't uploaded any videos but somebody did and I'm at this point when I'm new to everything I couldn't get enough of the comment every two minutes I'm reading comments that's bad for you mate I don't advise anybody to do that you know what I mean so I'm doing this and sees this comment Paul Venice just seeing this big lump in a world title doing his worst said I'll fight you and I won't repeat what I said to him but he knows what I said what a verbal the phone rang big shout out Gary Furby another friend of mine he'd seen what was going on back and forth between me and Paul he said Danny do you sell her for ever be here mate he'll just eat you he said type his name in youtube there so I typed in Paul you know when you just got to the V Paul V Paul Venice top 10 savage knockout and like I say I've just seen big heavyweights getting flocked all over the place he's fucking bonny this and that you know what am I going to do with that Gary said I've given me nobody's going to ring you he rang me up nicest man I've ever been able to remember to speak because they're so nice so polite didn't sort of reflect in this video of this person that I'd seen and that's how we got speaking me and Paul so I put that to bed so I knew what Paul was I knew what he could do so I rang him up and said look would you mind being my man fair player man couldn't think of anyone better you know I said do you mind being my fair player man down here not a problem you know absolutely because we've built up a decent relationship just speaking you know through messages in that journey last time so I rang Paul Paul said yeah so I rang these lads back I said it's on the fight's on see you Friday so during this week fight week we'll call it this thing person was ringing Paul more or less every night pressing for this apology sounded to me like he didn't want the fight to me like he wanted an apology and I couldn't help but draw strength from that and every time I said well you know what I said every time I said don't stick your fucking apology I'll see him Friday and I drew strength from that all week I drew strength from that do you think if you apologized it would have ended though no I would have been down here then to him and that was never gonna happen and I wanted him to know what I could do and I was getting advice off everybody even me loved ones don't do it probably good advice but I probably kicked him I wouldn't let that happen but I actually I could not help but draw strength from that you know if you apologize you know he don't have to fight him I know you said that yesterday mate you know what I mean and when I got down there I locked eyes with him got in there and locked eyes with him he looked away and I knew then then I had the edge I mean I was supposed to get steamrolled remember with the weight difference look at the credentials you know what I mean that fight was never meant to go that way apparently to the public opinion but I knew that was the least I was gonna do and I wasn't really happy with the draw but I took it for my own reasons but um I looked away and I couldn't help but think I sort of turned me back he looked away and I turned me back I was just stretching whatever nothing at all on my mind and he just I never clicked he looked away straight away I never registered immediately but I had my back to him and I thought he just looked away there and that second when it clicked in my mind I jumped through the ropes so I'm in the ring first now and I just felt these things these psychological things were they do build up these things do happen these little things do happen you can go in there without the edge he went in there without the edge I had the edge that day I know that but um like I say still the emotion hindered my performance and I was fighting him on a punch by punch basis like I said I wasn't thinking ahead like I can do you know and if this ever happens again like I say it'll be a completely different fight you know because there will be venom you know and I will commit to punches like I always do but um be a different show man you'll see you don't usually see bare knuckles in a 12 foot ring though that change your tactics usually it's an open space or full size ring change the tactics in a big way who do you think that benefited him because of the movement you'd have been a lot sharper on your toes you think without putting him down he can't cut the ring off yeah he's a scrapper man he's a fucking proper scrapper but I don't think he could cut the ring off as well you know I didn't you know I've been in there with some good operators in my time mate and without putting anybody down I've beat better people than that on the street I've beat bigger people than that harder people than that I was confident in what I could do but I knew immediately he couldn't cut the ring off you know but I mean I was backing up in straight lines making a lot of me on mistakes you know the fight went the way it went but um we didn't know it was in a ring until sorry we knew it was in a ring but only when I was travelling down I was told it was in a ring I thought it was a big ring 20 foot I didn't know I just thought a ring 12 foot ring is the smallest ring you can get but I've spent my life in a 12 foot ring you know me whole training I've ever done I've had a 10 year I've never had a gym for 10 years until I was 21 and I spent my life in a 12 foot ring I know I've got wheels and I can move but I changed the tactics because you know especially on the way down I only found out it was in a ring and on the run up to that fight especially all the psychological preparation that I was doing and the visualisation which is so important um I visualised it in a car park warehouse whatever you know my plan was excuse me plan was not to throw any heavy leather for the first couple of minutes nudge back you know I just wanted to get a good long read of him and you know once your feet start finding the beat you know what I mean you start you know what I mean I'm going to start opening him up but that never happened the tactic never went that way because what it was I mean 12 foot ring you don't you know you better start dropping leather fast or you're going to know all about it so definitely changed the tactics that I had in mind but gave myself a little bit of credit for adapting on the on the fly you know and just adapting there and then you know and it never discouraged just one bit you know Paul went in and had a little squint about and come in he said there's a boot seven of them in there and he said and it's a 12 foot ring for whatever reason that just gave a strength especially when we were about five minutes away the ex-wife run up she's like you do know it's going live on Instagram in five minutes she said ah I said you joke and she said no no we've all got it on the big screen so I've got my tribe now watching it all my four girls and my son watching me on the big screen and that only give me strength you know what I mean there was absolutely no way on earth I was going to get embarrassed when I knew my kids were watching I could have been in with a lot better man than I was I wasn't getting embarrassed that day and um yeah yeah I remember that giving us a lot of strength I remember thinking this you know this is not going to happen and during that time on the crossover to the getting out the car and walking in the gym I said to Paul I said I've got kids watching this um I said you were here I said you know better than a man I've got kids watching this I said Paul I said if I'm not in a position to continue it's difficult to tell him you know it's words I didn't want to say but I said I want you to pull us out because as long as as long as I'm able to stand back on my two feet I am going to keep fighting today you know I said so you know you know fighting and I said if I'm not in a position to continue I says I want to get home today you know I want to go home I want to be able to go home I said remember that he already knew that anyway you know I said I knew that fair play to do again Paul to great fair play man who it was an honest fight it was a fair fight it was a fucking great fight if I'm honest like I love combat and for two men to have a proper tear up differently it was respect not a mean for it's just unbelievable to see people standing they face covered in blood did you feel the extra few stone on did you feel that power I can definitely crack without a doubt again not putting anybody down here but I've been cracked a bit harder than that quite a bit harder than that you know and still managed to stay on my feet big gloves though or knuckles no but I would not cut and well with both actually Spartan partner the minute make his do it big shout out make his do it he's an animal man he's an animal and he can put them together in fours and fives you know and he punches harder than that man but it's you know styles make fights you know it doesn't matter necessarily how hard someone can crack you know I mean styles make fights but I still feel you know with the right head on us he's tailor made for me in my style did you ever think you were going to get set up or anything driving there who picked the destination who picked the time I jumped through every hoop that was put in front of us I never picked anything no hesitation about I could get in here man it could be a fucking set up no not with Paul no not with Paul there that give you a bit of belief in a bit of calmness that if he's there if he's on your side then he did but as well I mean big shout out to Dougie Dougie and Dean because they are fair men that's their life fair play and do the right thing they're all about fair play but morals which a lot of people don't have anymore that I respect that a lot likewise so likewise and you know I was I was never under any illusion I never ever thought at any point that this was going to go wrong I mean it's little old me I was sat there at 13s and on for you know I jumped through every hoop that was put in front of us get down there on this day you know the only thing I had where I wanted to wear wraps you know my knuckle was exposed but I needed to support me wrists and my thumb because I've got bad hands I've had over you know I must have had nearly 30 breaks in the right hand and I've had a bit of dozen in the left hand I've got really really bad hands and that's the only thing I wanted to wrap my wrist and thumb and that was fine providing the knuckle was exposed so that was the only me only request really it was that I would have went further down the country and if the ring was smaller I would have probably got in there was nothing going to stop me putting hands on him that day after the fight they were assumed to have had an enormous age still don't really want to shake hands and was there a bit of what were you and Dougie what happened there that you just didn't want you just weren't listening your emotions I'd ride in high so you just don't really want to talk to anybody all that situation well I think personally I mean I mean Dougie you're cool now I mean I've smoothed it off with him I was cool with him immediately after you know immediately after that little back and forth that we had but it was I feel need to be around here much that's something I've said now for years need to be around here much I've said that for years and anyone that knows this will confirm that that's something I've said for years and I feel I was maybe mocking travellers by saying that I feel that's what he thought it was my opinion you know and looking back I think that's maybe what he thought he maybe thought I was somehow mocking the travelling community by saying that because they use motion divi they say them things and I thought you know he's maybe thinks I'm mocking him in some way and you know he said what he said and I said what I said and you know it was what it was you know I'm no true with him I've actually got a lot of respect for him and Dean so that just was what it was there's a lot of testosterone flying about in that room at that time so so what happened then driving home after that did you feel a sense of relief did you feel victory did you feel like okay it's over there was a party you stood inside that thought this is only the beginning for our mode to come I initially know initially I felt like a winner and it was a draw but I initially I felt like a winner I couldn't help feel like a winner because I sort of set out almost to do what I always said internally that I was going to do I was going to turn up I was going to put good hands on him and I wasn't going to be anybody's Divi you know and I think you know I achieved what I set out to do and um like I say I kind of thought it was going to go away but there was a relief you know there was a relief you know I think and that it was over but I mean it wasn't you know but as far as the like I say the hatred the animosity strong dislike you know whatever you want to call it towards that person for me I've had to let that go I've had to let that go for me own reasons but it appears you know we haven't finished business you know and you know Evan just said this you know to Dean and Dougie but this will be my last fight win lose or draw and I can tech getting starched in 10 seconds I can tech that as a man I can say I've got other plans but um if that happens so be it you know by the grace of God I'll walk I'll come out of there and I'll be fine I'm certain of that and I'm certain I've been protected by a higher power my entire life I can say I've been shot and stabbed and I've had so many near death experiences um I feel kind of I feel I've been protected and um whatever happens and I'll be fine no matter what and like I say I can take an early night if it's an early night for me it's an early night for me I can tech that as a man and uh when this happens I am turning my back on the whole saga and I'm walking away because I need to do this for myself I can't be entangled or be engaged in this thing anymore 19th of March isn't a long time away you know I'm not carrying this cloud around above as I'm not carrying this level of hatred about anymore so things are internally, personally starting to feel better and better but I'm more than happy to put some closure on this once and for all I'm anticipating a very different performance and this time I'll shake his hand and I'll mean it he's free to have his own opinion on me I'm not even gonna attempt to influence or change that he can do what he wants with his opinion on me that's his business this is gonna be the end this will be the end you know and if it doesn't happen you know I'll have to get used to that and I can walk away and I can never mention him and I can never look at him and I can never you know have him in my head again in a negative fashion but uh you know I feel something that I would like to do for some closure on the whole like I say saga affair yeah but after the first fight it seemed at the right time it was a draw move on so if you beat him or he beat you then it's gonna be revenge do you know what I mean for some part and for me looking at outside I look at people's actions and I think no matter what said right or wrong people are still gonna react and people still crave attention people still love whether it's positive or negative people can thrive on that shit and I think that's why I don't get involved there's no matter what you say to some people they just don't get it they don't understand it they don't get it when you get out of prison as well what's your restrictions in what was your restrictions towards him like what happened like with no contact like a video mentioning his name is that you done straight away so what's going through your mind then after a fight knowing when they're getting fucking viewed millions of times so not only you think can you imagine you lost that you lost straight back into prison you're back in prison again you're missing your kids by the effects it had on you last time losing people that you loved you kind of never let that go if it happened again then there's never any a way out so it's like you're constantly playing with fire as well for me speaking to you now it feels like your whole life's already been in chaos anyway so when you're trying to make the changes but you all understand it in 3-4 months time when you become clean and you go wait a minute it was fucking chaos because when you're sitting in calmness or when you're content you think this isn't normal so I'm going create chaos so I know what I speak to people do because I've done it for years my mind was a fucking hurricane then I started changing then I started saying it's okay actually this is okay life here when nothing's happening you're sitting yourself because when you're doing that you think something's not right so I'm going to cause a bit of shit so when you are get called out for a fight then actually going back to prison was that already in your mind or did you think it was over with I never ever considered or you know never crossed my mind that I was ever going to lose that fight it just never I never ever I knew if it happened I could have took it as a man I could have took it if I got starched in 10 seconds I could have took it as a man you know I'm not genetically built for taking on heavyweights and I just could have took that I could have swallowed it no problem but I never ever considered you know what my mind might have been like if it had lost that fight because it was never an option for me to lose going back to what we were saying there if I get starched then I'm telling you now and everybody that that's it for me I can take that as a man so when I win you know it's up to him how he handles that if he wants to continue to call me out or harass me in any way shape or form you've heard it your first not interested that's his business for me he's personal and I don't mean personal between me and another man I mean personal between me and me once it's done for me it's done I wanted that last time it didn't quite happen I'm certain this time that I can walk away regardless of what's been said it's one of the conditions there's no draw on the table last month standing but what about your recall so what happened there then after your fight you've got Christmas and then what was the recall for there's a lot of fucking people out there with their own speculation pointing their fingers I've been locked up since the fight before Christmas a couple of days before Christmas Eve I was locked up 23 hours anybody that's been locked up in the local police station I'll say the same I think it's usually about the 12 hour mark for me once I'm in about 12 hours I start praying for jail I'd rather be at jail I'd rather be I think it's designed for that you know what I mean, you start thinking I'd be excited just to get on the bus that means your edge just spinning in there it'd probably be buzzing just to get a Padmate and a Kettle in my pad it's that level of frustration that kicks in after about 12 hours for me I just cannot handle that blue mattress on its own you know what I mean, I hate it but 4 breaches 3 video 1 violent breach there's levels of breach I was told by my solicitor I wasn't getting out she said forget about it 4 breaches she said forget about it you'll be on the next bus it was a Friday night, I got locked up that's what it was, it was a Thursday Thursday, late Thursday and I went through and sort of missed the Friday court and I'm stressing now more to the fact that I'm thinking I'm going to be locked up in here all weekend, I've just told her to be in prison other than there I said no, we've got a remand court on Saturday morning you maybe end up getting remanded tomorrow morning for whatever reason that was relief and 4 breaches, like I say one of them a violent breach but for the first time ever you know what you do when you're desperate mate, you pray and I prayed and I prayed and prayed and begged you know that if there was anyone there and if anyone could help us for them to help us, you know what I mean I begged and begged for a Christmas with my girls and my son and against all the odds and I was granted bail but while I was praying his prayer went into turned into like the deepest most meaningful sort of state of meditation that I can ever remember being in I've always struggled meditating, tried and tried struggle and now, especially since I've been released and especially over the last 10 days I pray you know and I remember when I was locked up I was praying and praying and it's like I say it turned into this deep sort of meditative state where I was with all my kids I was completely away from where I was I mean I was not there it was so real and vivid that I could actually feel the fabric of my girls dress as I embraced her that's how real it was you know this state prayer convinced that there was somebody there that somebody was looking after us and I was almost communicated with non-verbally and I was assured that everything was going to be alright you know and it was and it will be and I was granted bail and I went home and prayed some more and I think I'll pray every day it feels good I started reading the Bible I read the Bible every morning and every night now and I get a lot from it it's confusing sometimes but I was given a a blessing by a fellow I think he's like a preacher over there now and sent a blessing by a Facebook a little message in our prayer and I couldn't stop listening to it I felt amazing just listening to it I could feel it I could feel this fellow's words and he said go and get a Bible you know this Bible I've only ever had one Bible and I took it out my grandmother's house when I was cleaning his house out after he died he was given to women in 1941 when he was nine his first Holy Communion the little stamp inside I think how old it was but I'd never opened it and he said go and get a Bible and open it so I thought I know and I've got one underneath them all these books that I took from my grandmother under the sink I went and got it I opened the first hard back bit as I'd always done through this bit where I'd always read fascinated by how old it was pristine condition so it's running up 80 years old now he said open it I opened it it almost flopped open between Genesis 1331 bookmark fell out it must have been when my grandmother was last reading my grandmother read the Bible a lot never went to church apart from that first time I think he went to church once or twice some mock-up chapel thing when he was in the Korean War and slip fell out followed Jesus I read it followed Jesus it come out between Genesis 1331 I said you have been blessed with a son named Dan he was the only person ever to call us Dan you know no one really calls us Dan and it was powerful I felt him there and then in the room I could feel him and all these things signs if you like which I probably dismissed for years through my own ignorance or just a failure to interpret you know um yeah I felt it I could feel him in the room and it felt to me like that book was always meant for me I'm certain actually that I was always meant to do what I done that day and I was meant to open that book on the page that I opened it and I was meant to pick it up right when my grandmother was last reading you know and I'm uncertain of that fact and since I've started expressing you know relationship and building with God you know people are always going to fuck you know and stuff like that and I can handle that but um for me it's real and I think it's like recovery I think it's like everything you have to be ready I don't know if it's maturity or what but you have to be at a point in your life where you are ready you have to be ready and I think it's this willingness to accept how you're power and it's involuntary I never ever set about to have this faith that I've got you know what I mean it happened to me you know and it does feel like it's meant to be yeah but it's clearly working big brother because you're becoming clean now you're seeing the world differently you want to understand that like people can walk no matter if you turn to God or turn to the devil or however you want to turn to it's all how you feel if you're doing things for the right reasons and you're not harming anyone then that's what I'm all about like good luck to that person I don't know people just move differently and everybody sees the world differently it's just this fucking life man whatever's working for you and if you're in a better headspace your kids feel more love around you and you're giving more love if you give them more love you receive more love that's just how the universe works but after then so what's happening now with your court case if you fight again if you fight him again in March does that put more stuff onto your charges this fight's only going to happen if there's certain legal restrictions lifted like what there's a restrainer there which is actively as far as I know worked on being lifted in the background by this other party didn't he take that as a court put that one as a court order but it's applied for by the victim so it's the victim that they're a bit lifted so that's what we're waiting on and if that doesn't happen neither will the fight be but I'm confident it'll happen and like I say what will be will be you know I'm not gonna force it if it happens it happens I'll turn up and I'll win but we'll see does that not make you question the first fight though if you know that was there why didn't that not get lifted before the first fight well it was my first thing I said you know I said get this RO lifted and I mean I was told by these lads that contacted us that don't you worry about that because I was of the opinion that they were of you know he had to complain was my understanding of this order you know I had to complain the victim had to express you know whatever panic alarm and distress or whatever it was it wasn't the case you know to not be to the court so irrespective or irrelevant of what he says or doesn't say you know broken order to the court now I don't want to say too much about the case my mitigation is good there's an amount to a defence but it will certainly take away a victim you know there won't be a victim anymore in the court's eyes let's have a right easy one is he so we'll see how that pans out mate what will be will be I'll leave it in the hands of the powers that be and we'll see what happens yeah where do you go from here then um I've said this for a little while now you know once I think once I find myself once I once I get torn and once I really recognise and become clear about the person that I'm intended to be because I know I don't think how I'm how God is how God is how God is because I know I don't think how I'm how God intended me to think I don't behave how I was intended to behave you know I never have done for years and uh I think once I've once I'm certain of who I am you know I think once that happens which could be a journey in itself you know I mean finding out exactly who I'm supposed to be that could be could take a while you know could take years but I think once I get there the once I'm certain of who I am and I'm not exactly pleased with the person you know that I've been so I think when that day comes which it will come you know I think then you know and only then will I discover my own purpose and I think I do think I've got a purpose greater than myself and I'm of the belief that you know I'm going to help so many people I'm quite certain of that I'm going to help a lot of people I've got a passion for helping people I've got an abundance of you know knowledge if you like now I'm a pretty smart fella and um I think when that door opens whenever that may be I'll know you know it will feel right internally I'll have that feeling it will strike the chord until then I don't know what it is I've never felt you know like I've fulfilled my potential and my purpose you know and I think it's down to me not really knowing who I am you know through ignorance not really knowing and not really embracing or recognising you know the person there's probably always been there internally all along but it's just been shrouded in so much negativity and you know this person that I'm supposed to be you know will surface before long and um I'm quite certain real purpose when that day comes then I'll know my purpose and I'm pretty certain that purpose will involve helping people and um you know I feel that when that door does open I'll know what it is until then I don't know all I know is I have a purpose greater than myself yeah that's a powerful thing so how can people get if you get YouTube if you get social media how can people contact you yeah I have I've got big boys that Danny big boys was only created to created about I'll just show you two year ago and I created it to defend myself online I didn't even know it was a channel I just thought it was you know like an account you know then I seen this option once to upload this video so I uploaded it and it was like a it was a bit about Satan you know I think the powerful video it's on my Danny big boys account and I sort of uploaded this video and then realised that it was actually a channel upload videos to it and stuff so I uploaded one or two and I've kept on going with that channel but it was only last night I made my own channel and uh I want to put that big boys I don't want to go back into that channel now you know because I've said a lot of things I didn't want to say I've been you know it's part of the person that I'm trying to leave behind that channel is some of the things I've said and done on there you know it's part of the person that I'm wanting to put in to leave behind so I've created a new channel you can get access to it too my old account Danny big boys but it's the real Danny Christie you know and I'll probably put a link up on my Facebook or something you know I'm trying to get some subscribers over there and I wound up having over a thousand subscribers on Danny big boys just through um you know I'd never asked for any of them I think it was just through people you know interested in what I was saying and stuff but this new account is definitely going to be a completely different course of action a completely different path and I wanted to be about you know positivity training forgiveness faith and recovery you know and Paul I owe a lot to Paul like I've said but Paul's inspiring you know a lot more than I think he recognises you know I really like Paul's journey and I respect his message you know and if I can be a fraction you know do a fraction of the things that he does for people you know I'd be very very happy with myself I'd be very happy with that old channel's a dark book in your life where I just ready to flip the chapter and move on and send me the link I'll put your link to your new channel on this description I hope people watch this and a few of you will see that you're actually a sound guy like you maybe look at the videos you're going to pass judgment and just understand but you went in a good headspace like you say you're full of drinking drugs and trying to tally, trying to respond and it's not done in a professional manner because it just looks schoolboy stuff but that other channel's got you in prison it's got you a sore face you created that channel you created those videos and it's a hard it's a bit of a pile to swallow what was that? and everybody because we're men you want to respond, you want to tally you want to defend your name and rightly so but there comes a stage when you go it doesn't you never win because everybody's a loser out of all always because you look back and you think what was I thinking you will come to that realisation this year brother when you're going through those mass changes but like you say, there's a fresh chapter here it's a fresh year you can change the year, you can change your channel you can change your life, you can make better decisions you can fucking go and achieve whatever you want to achieve and that goes for anybody listening and watching that, you seriously can and it's just fucking take the bull by the horns manning and go and create something different, your life won't change unless you change everything that's around it, friends fucking jobs, whatever and people say oh I can't leave my job get balls on the standard but you can set out new goals and new fucking things to then create the changes to then plant the seed that they can then grow in three years time, four years time like because the years flying people don't people don't think that people think that the small steps where they will achieve it in a week, a month, a year but the years flying so imagine what you can do in three years, five years if you actually start planting the seeds now and start watering them for the life that you want to create and change absolutely, yeah what do you like to finish up on anything? one or two shout outs if I can remember them all Paul Venice have a big shout out Shane Taylor Big Shane love Shane, Shane the brilliant fan, yeah I have him on the phone a lot Paul fighting trolls for setting this interview up, absolutely Paul actually reached out to me so he's doing his own thing with his own channel so shout out to Paul absolutely big shout out to Paul Billy and Joe have shouted them out Billy and Joe again Relentless Media is a fellow John John a good fellow, really good fellow I want to shout out to Relentless Media YouTube channel John and Donna, I've already give a couple of shout outs and like I say the coulda coulda stayed, I'll always be there I'll be back with you before long boys and that's about it it's been an absolute pleasure, I said I wasn't going to do another podcast relating to these issues but that's James English isn't it? thank you brother God bless and if the next video comes out I'll be watching man, God bless you take care, thank you brother