 Guess what man, you know, I think pickup has proven that if you buy into pickup if you buy into it and make it your life You will get worse As Anthony Johnson here with the 21 convention Tampa, Florida Our next speaker is actually and has been at this event as well as a previous event in Australia You're a master of ceremonies or emcee His name is Steve Maeda and he is a speaker who's spoken at this convention More than any other speaker other than myself, which doesn't really count because I'm the founder So he has spoken more than anyone at this point all around the world I believe he was actually One of two or that maybe even the only speaker in 2012 He spoke at all three events held in that year in London, Texas and Australia So please give you a warm welcome to Steve Maeda founder of the sexual life Hey, thank you. Thanks, man man, what a What an honor to be brought on stage by Anthony Johnson. I mean We all know he's done so much to shape and influence men but Look, I want to start this off with something a little bit different and I want to start it off with What I believe in and what I feel, you know to get me grounded and feeling good but I want to dedicate this speech out of You know to the things that I love and that's Zephin that's Kai that's a stay bond and the speech is a lot about fulfillment and what will happen there and Maria who you guys have met all weekend or hopefully have interacted with She has given me the fulfillment That made all these concepts make sense. Okay. These are thoughts that I've had for a long time and Man, it's just a cool thing It's a cool thing to know and have faith in the sexual life the social life being the man that you've wanted to be But when you can live in a world where it's happening, it's it's a pretty amazing thing, you know And I'm very very proud to say that Today's speech the myth of the alpha male Okay, and let's get into this bad boy. In fact, you can find me at the I'm the founder of the sexual life I also got asked to rebrand and Work with a certain department of Venusian arts And also if you want loads and loads of free content bang radio You can find it on iTunes and Stitcher and all that fun stuff and of course social media But let's get into this. Okay, and this is really really something that I've always believed in and Hopefully you can take it and really evolve and move into a life of a total man, right? So We were born to be Okay, every single person all of you watching whether you're in this room or on YouTube you were born to be many many things But some of those would be you were born to be social you were born to be sexual you were born to be healthy You were born to have a happy mentality. You were born to connect. You were born to have purpose in meaning Okay, and what I mean by that and we'll get into this but every aspect of your expression biologically physiologically mentally hormonally Your wants your desires your thoughts and your choices and we've actually heard a lot of speeches talking about that You were born to have you were made to have those and the problem is is There's a myth that we live in there's a way that we live in fact a culture That is a little bit is cut off there, but it is not How we were actually born to be okay, so what I mean by that is How we live in this, you know Society this culture this grouping of people how we interact how we see Sexuality how we see being social how we see being healthy how we see making choices is not actually how we evolved to be and All of those traits all of those traits that are your natural urges whether they're social whether they're physiological Whether they're sexual are always simple. They're never complex. They never have a You know a method or a Series of steps that are needed to happen in fact We'll talk about that in a little bit, but all of your fulfillment and Functionality is very important to understand that is simple So your functionality of your body your functionality of even your health your functionality of your social expression is a simple thing So what we got to learn here is there's a few differences number one culture is man-made Okay culture is great. All right. I I love culture. You know, there's no way we can go back You know being able to broadcast the speech and come together and work as a group of men is An awesome thing, but culture is man-made Now you may not be able to read this too much, but culture was is not or this culture I'm sorry not all culture, but this culture is not what man was born to be Okay, and it is also not of nature. That means this culture this expression that we live in Okay, man is Of nature that means you your decisions your thoughts your sexual urge your your everything that motivates you your thoughts the things that are happening in your body that you have no control over your hormones your Man your cells we have very very little control over all those things, but it is a force of nature that is happening whether you want to Have it happen or not that means our bodies our minds our emotions our health our social urge our sexual urge and our will to survive Our very old things that we carry around within us. That's so cool. You know, that's so cool You know my son is making some noise back there, which I love that actually brings a smile on my face, but you know When he was born he was born with this blueprint He was born with this this stuff. That's happening You know, it's just such a beautiful thing to see unfold. You know what humanity moves into and So society and culture and again a little cut off here, but that's all right. Haha is It's a story. All right. It's a story that we have that is somewhat of an omit now Let's understand this man's urge to have culture is Is something he was born to do we were meant to connect we were meant to unify We were meant to interact with each other and we were meant to you know seek some sort of pursuit of safety or ambition You know to to have a better reality, right That is something that is of nature, but our expression of that is the man made part, okay Now the problem is is that our culture we are not living as We were made to be as our genetic design our evolutionary design was meant to be and instead We're living as an expression and as we'll get into in somewhat of a confusion with The cultural definition that we have Okay, so culture the great storyteller. What does our culture say? It says so many different things right and these are not absolutes by any means, but it might say be the best You know work harder have more Happiness is a skill set being social is a skill set that you can master And then then you'll be happy being sexual is a skill set Your health is a discipline or an exercise format. Now once again Culture is a great thing. It binds us together, right? It allows this awesome exchange to work And and we're all better off with it. I mean we we have to have it But if we have it without knowing what our true nature is We will end up living in a distortion Now nature is an absolute gave you your body gave you your mind gave you the urge to socialize gave you the urge to have sex It gave you the urge to you know to be healthy, you know And in fact if we were living in our ways that we were really designed for we would really have to work for those things Now of course, it's not all peaches and cream, you know, there's plenty of problems, you know that that come with You know different mutations and other different social problems that may arise but You are an expression of nature Everything within you, you know is an expression of nature that your wants your desires what you want to do with your body You're urged for sex. You're urged to talk to somebody you're urged to better yourself So man a complex machine. This is actually an awesome line. I still remember it I was talking to my buddy skip one of the wisest guys in the world It looks like Santa Claus, but has kind of a crazy mind like mine, which if you know me, it's pretty crazy But he goes man, we are complex machines We're complex machines and we get to experience this world You know, there's all this stuff happening within us that came from carbon He'd space out on all the stuff and he'd say and we just get to have choice We get to we get to talk to people we get to have a moment with another person and you'd get all into this stuff But man all these things are happening in our body without any any Decision from us now, of course there are decisions of actions we can take and all that sort of stuff But all these things the bedrock the foundation for all of it You're born to be social. You were born to be sexual. You were born to be healthy You were born to be an expression of you. You were born to want to survive you were born to want to do good You were born to be happy. They're already in your favor. It's already within you Okay, so let's take a few steps back where the hell did our culture come from so we may have heard stuff like this But about 8,000 10,000 years ago man learned a new way to survive that was pretty awesome, right? We hear a lot about this in the paleo community I actually really love James Steel's speech because it broke the stuff down a very academic way academic I am not but we learned a new way to live, right? We we for the first time had the ability to build up a population Okay, and so you know it happened in the fertile Crescent and then it happened in a far later in the Americas But people got to live longer. There was less stress in certain certain areas We got to build larger populations. Man, we got to raise our life expectancy rate by four times, right? And that took some time. It wasn't immediate, but God we had this awesome thing We took our natural urge and will to survive and put it into a new template for us to flourish and all these bad-ass ways That led up all the way to this. Okay, but man's history So human beings history is homo sapiens 250,000 years to 1,000 years old, okay, and if you even take it before that to homo erectus and you know the the pre homo sapien Life forms it would be two million years, right? So it was a long time of evolution and so all that time, which is 90 percent 99.97 percent of our Evolutionary path what we were shaped was far different than how we live now You know a lot of the time probably a huge amount of that time And this is all like theoretical, but it was probably one to five people that we lived it with maybe ten And then in some situations it built up a little bit more sometimes it got to a hundred and maybe Built up to something a little bit more complex with than that however our culture express our cultural expression of What we define ourselves as and what we've built up from comes from less than 0.03 percent of our evolution if you take into the pre homo sapien forms it's 0.005 percent of our evolution and So culture has plenty of benefits. We can't go backwards. You know It's it's an amazing thing. I love it There's no way that we can we can step backwards from this, but we are not living as we were born to be and This is actually interesting, okay So there's a cultural equation that happens all the time in fact guys You're all familiar with the Mayans and you know, they had the mine calendar We live past 2012 pretty awesome and you know, they depleted their resources. They had some droughts. They you know Used up all the soil and their land and they died off right and there they slowly dwindled And there was a lot of social unrest that happened in there, too, but check this out There's a book. I forget the title. This is like such a bummer, but it's called 14 night or I forget the author It's called 1491 and it talks about pre-contact America's and it was a little bit more modernized and we know a little bit more about those cultures And in the interviews it said man, you know, there's a direct correlation with The mine culture collapsing and many other cultures collapsing and even the Soviet Union and all these guys get into this discussion about it And what happened? You know, there's a drought. There's a lack of resources. There was a social unrest There was you know, perhaps a government that caused it and all these other things But there was a lack of resources and when there's a lack of resources There's a lack of functionality of that culture and there's a lack of fulfillment and when you have a lack of resources There is distress and dysfunction Okay, when there are a lack of resources and you could all you know make sense out of this of food and water Stuff happens man, but what happens when there's a lack of resources with our mentality? What happens when there's a lack of resources with our sexual expression and what happens when there's a lack of resources with our Socializing and our society what happens what happens when? You know those things start to you know unfold So with food and water there's collapse. There's fighting. There's war. Okay, and Actually, you can even say about those things too But when there's no resources for the things within us that build our identity Right when there's no resources for that What happens? You know what happens when there's no resources for us to be healthy We were not made to be overweight. We were not made to be out of shape. You know our bodies were meant to work Sure, there could be problems. There could be deformities, but our bodies were meant to work I mean there's so much going on right with all of you You know whether it's mentally emotionally That could even be socially and physiologically our bodies were meant to work, but what happens when we distort it What happens when that happens to our identity? And what happens is there's a war within and there's a war around it Okay, and when a culture becomes dense That's what this actually says the more dense the culture becomes the more its resources and End up getting messed up whatever that says But the more a culture becomes dense the more its resources are stressed Right and and it can't function and it begins to collapse it begins to fight it begins to have turmoil And it begins to start to enter into an unnatural state or perhaps you could say it moves into a natural state of distress But not a way that we were actually made to be not a way that we were made to function Okay, so in the last zero point zero three percent of humanity's existence There's some interesting social behaviors that have begun That didn't necessarily happen before Blame guilt shame antisocial behavior Competition status enforcement isolation alienation retaliation revenge causes and movements a lot of people bring up war But you might be thinking man. Well, okay. This is this is a part of man's nature This is a part of how man was supposed to be right You know man man can be violent man can get angry man can blame sure these things could have happened, but we didn't hold on to him You know and cultural totalitarianism did not happen And in fact if you I mean a lot of you guys are fans of probably like Richard Dawkins and all this sort of stuff There's a whole bunch of information or in the Q&A we can talk about books that explain all this sort of stuff But there was a certain as they say thought virus or meme that kind of took hold out of the fertile crescent and actually in the Americas you can see more evidence of it, but human beings did not act in certain ways that were that how we're seeing them now these behaviors did not become a Definition for us they were not the norm They were not the absolute and think about this like I know more People that could have attributes actual well Back up of like let's say antisocial behavior. That's a pretty intense thing. I know more people that have that Then who are healthy with their bodies or living in the expression of their bodies? That's crazy That's crazy. I know more people and maybe this would just be because of me So I kind of work in this field a little bit, but I know more people with drug problems I know more people with bipolar than who are healthy That's pretty crazy. You know I'm a member of plenty of gyms You know I work out and train all this like different jiu-jitsu martial arts MMA So I know a lot of people that are pretty you know quote-unquote healthy by society standards But I know people that are living Like outside of that natural state some of man's behaviors that have always been there Things like empathy things like connection things like love things like companionship unity expression sense of self fulfillment And sure there could be stuff like hey, we got angry We we may have blames, but we didn't hold on to it to the same level But these are all things that we've always seen now think about that minimum 250,000 250,000 years. Yeah, I got that right. I think and Most of the existence was an expression of this sure there were plenty of problems Nature only needed us to live to 15 or 20, you know, you know culture kicks ass But but that's what we saw and that was our that's our true nature that we forget so fulfillment This is kind of an interesting thing and you know, I started off talking about fulfillment man fulfillment Comes off of two things that comes off of expression and exchange Okay, these are two things that we lose sight of and when we backtrack to some of the things that we were born to be We were born to be healthy. Do we see it as expression? You know, do we see it as an exchange with the world around us in our bodies when it comes to being social Do we see it as expression us? Do we see it as us communicating us in exchanging with who they really are, right? Do we see that? You know everything we were born to be is fulfilled by this so our bodies Our minds our physiology everything our expressions of exercise our expressions of even how our bodies work need an expression and an exchange to have meaning and That's actually it's kind of simple, but that's all you need to do Okay, and our culture it says a bunch of stuff, right? It says a ton of different things, but happiness and fulfillment Yeah, that's why we're here and we hear all this life hacker stuff and we hear all this Man dating and relationship stuff the stuff that I work in we in man Let me just say anybody standing on this stage who gave a presentation is one of the best in the world I mean hands down But in our culture we hear solutions to all this all these things Happiness and fulfillment. It's achieved. It's a sense of status. It's an image. It's a process It's a ritual that we do and it's something that is not Within you it's something outside of you, and that's what our culture says our culture says being healthy It's a physique. It's an amount. It's the how fast I run a mile. It's a quantifiable Measurement how much weight I can lift how much I weigh the percentage of fat on my body the percentage of muscle on my body It's a status. It's an image. It's something outside of you and not something within you Okay being social Social hierarchy dominance gossip, you know social exercise. It's it's a performance How other people see you that's what being social is right, you know, it's it's a series of events that are gonna make you happy It's something that because you don't have it in you. It's something outside of you, right? Being sexual an orgasm. It's a story to share, you know, it's being an entertainer. It's shame. It's being fake It's being pickup. It's being porn You know being sexual is something that is not within you. It's something outside of you. It's something that you have to get and You your identity your image In order to have that well, you got to fake it till you make it you got to have a facade You got to be somebody else you got to be like that other guy because you don't know what it's like You know, you don't have a point of reference, you know We've got to have this image to follow because guess what you weren't born with it. You've got to work for it It's outside of you Okay, and here's the thing humanity men and women, okay What we've done with our culture is we have taken the force of nature That is already within us that everything is working towards us or everything is working for us almost flawlessly Within moment by moment millions of things happening with your body and that even goes into your decision-making We all have free choice We absolutely have free choice We get to decide but the motivation to choose the draw of what we choose between the things that we want how we connect Man, that's already happening within you and what we've done is we've taken it and in our culture We've gotten so far from how we've born to be how we've been born to be because we've been able to sustain so long That we've become confused to the point where we can't find a solution And how many guys have been there with that with women with your body with when you try something and fail Man, I'm confused. I feel fucking lost. I don't know what to do Jesus I've done everything. It sucks Man, it must be me so-and-so looks good to do to work for somebody else and begin This this massive battle the war within us becomes the war around us So the myth of the alpha male it's kind of a long Building up to this but check this out The hero the king The warrior the superior man The person that you can be All these things all these these fucking awesome Awesome windows into your expression guess what? They never fucking existed All of our evolution never had this You know, I don't know if you guys remember this but way back when in those old school like david de angelo discs They'd say oh well the king had women around them social proof and you know Mystery said all this stuff about pre-selection and social proof that did not exist and how we evolved that did not happen You did not need any of this. You did not need any of these titles people fought People probably were leaders You know people probably did do something heroic, but what it was an action Just like they probably did blame and they probably did get angry, but they didn't hold on to it you know they did not Build it as a part of their identity You know and I I am of this culture and we'll probably talk about this later But I mean these are huge things that I have struggled with and struggled with on a daily basis But we never had this How we evolved as a species and 99.97 of our evolution That's on the low end Physically emotionally mentally sexually socially Did not have any of this All right, so let's get into some things here You know where we see this happen all the time in the is in the seduction industry and we'll go through a few things But look we've had hundreds of thousands of guys. Maybe millions. I don't know I've had a lot of dudes that I've worked with but you know, we learn a skill. We learn a method You know and as we had said before at least I believe actually, maybe we didn't but Nature does not need science man needs science to understand nature. This is kind of like Big concept that we have with TSL and VA or the VA of all sides that I have but um Man needs method He needs balance. He needs a way of seeing You know how the world works nature doesn't need balance nature doesn't need a method We may see it within there. We may see it as a consistency, but it doesn't give a shit about it You know nature does what it does, right? but so We have all these guys going through this But how many of them have become socially and sexually fulfilled, you know, how many of them become socially and sexually healthy And let's like break that down, you know, because there can't be a definition I'm never a guy that says like hey, you know, you're good with women when you have a b and c done It's more like are you happy? You know, are you fulfilled? I mean Jesus christ, you know, I work in Kind of a slow mode. I built a skill set to meet a lot of women But to be happy to know what fulfillment was took me a long time You know, it took me a long time A lot of experiences that were not so great, you know, if we all watch socrates speech I I've hit every corner of that graph and maybe even a little bit off of it. We could talk but But man, I mean Anyway, I'll stop there because uh, I don't want any calls from attorneys Okay, so we see this happen And how many people, you know, really reach true friendships, you know and ask yourself this It's not that It's not that our culture meant to be bad But this starts to happen, right? It's not that any of these people are malicious Is this starts to happen, right? How many people learn to have a relationship? I mean, jeez, man You know, I'll be honest with you. It's tough being in a monogamous relationship. Monogamy is totally unnatural But we've decided that because that's what we've decided, right? But who do I call who seriously? Who do I call? It's like, ah Maria's upset with me. Oh, I did this or oh my god, you know I'm feeling the urge for for, you know, having relations with somebody else. Who do I talk to who do I talk to? You know, that's a that's a tough thing You know, and to be honest, I I talk to people outside of it or I talk to people in the different groups, uh that I work with And uh, but but you know, how do we learn about love? You know, what that really is We've got to have that different experience. We've got to have that Dialogue happening. How do I learn that the potential of humanity is more than a transaction? I mean, jeez actually another quote from my buddy skip. He's like, man This is the funniest thing. I remember what he said it But it's it's kind of similar to this and kind of where I got it from But he said he said man for years and years and years. I thought that love Was a transaction all my friendships all my connections were a transaction um So anyway, when we look at success and ambition bettering ourselves Hey, we're going to be entrepreneurs. You know, I get caught in this big time, man I get crazy. I get obsessive. I get I want to control things. I want everything to be efficient I want to be when it something's not working. It's like, holy shit. You know, I sent out this email or or I promoted this thing and it didn't sell scarcity lack of resources. Oh my god dysfunction Boom. I got to be more dominant. I got to be more alpha. Okay. I got to work harder. I got to do more And then what happens our identity becomes dependent upon this myth That culture and society has given us and our day, you know to be happy becomes a set of actions or rituals Something that we have to force ourselves to do and I do these things. I'm of culture guys You know, but we've got to realize the potential of what we are born to be Rather than a lifestyle rather than just living I have a checklist. I have a schedule I have all these things of how I want to improve myself And so We got to understand this man We have to have balance and sorry a little bit's cut off here But look our goal is to have balance of what we were born to be and integrate into this culture. Okay I've had I've man. I've had these thoughts. You can talk to me a lot about them for like 20 years, man Huge part of my life huge part of my life and it totally influenced like everything I did in the in the seduction community But um, you know massive massive influence of me Um In that time the one time it made sense was when I started to look at the paleo stuff. Okay It wait a minute. Our physiology was born to be this way. Let's start eating that way Let's start trying to sleep that way and what you know was so interesting about What james was talking about is that once again we exaggerated In order to have our culture like it in order to justify doing it Maybe the motive is to sell it but really to justify doing it. It's got to be complex. It's got to be crazy It's got to be you know, because it's going against what I've been taught to believe and what I've been raised of So I got to have a reason for it. You know, I can't just say hey, this is already happening You know, this is my nature So look here's the thing in in nature sex, of course needs no method You know nature needs no balance Nature does not need science Man needs science to understand nature. Okay That's what we need in order to see it but fulfillment is simple You know fulfillment derives from expression and exchange Okay, and all things How you are fulfilled how you get meaning How you get assasinated, you know, what did they say in paleo is like you tell your full what? You can't do that You know and not to I'm bringing that up as an example. You know, I'm not trying to promote one way There's I know plenty of people have all sorts of different diets and achieve a very healthy and happy lifestyle with it But man, it was the first time it was like let's look at how we evolved and actually do it You know, but how do we express ourselves and how do we exchange? And everything that we do everything that we were born to be all those things that I wrote down and there's probably more of them How can I just express and exchange with that? And it may not be too sexy. All right, so the solution basically is that we got to mix culture with our natural urges of How we are to express ourselves, right? Now so I teach in the social dynamic scene, but let me tell you something, you know, and I actually forgot to say this but You know, this is a speech that I'm giving But for the past five years I've run these groups that are like Man, it's it's insane. I mean we talk on the phone at the minimum level Three times a week or over Skype or one of those things the Higher level of things when guys are more involved in it 10 times. I mean there's like 20 hours where we are interacting and talking I started that but man all the ideas here come from those guys. I mean, it's it's amazing You know, it's it's basically what we do. I love teaching that way. There's no hierarchy. I mean, I they they They're always busting my balls at like man take on the leader role take on the the authoritative role And I'm like man, but I don't believe in that, you know, I believe in I believe that we're all equals I believe that everyone here has the same potential for your happiness and your social life your sexual life your health You know that sort of stuff. I'm never going to be Skyler Tanner or Socrates. I'm never going to be nick I'm never going to be James and James But I'm going to be an expression of myself, you know In in we can't be other people We just have to be who we are and um Anyway, that's that's kind of what we teach but we teach in this template of like look start out with some basics We're born to be social. We're born to be sexual. We are born to live life. All right, so pretty basic stuff So how can we get Into some really basic modes of that how can we get to how we are born to be in that? All right now check this out What we're made to do what were we made to do and how did we evolve to be social? Okay, so like think about that Really, I mean we didn't have this dense population You know whenever you're walking around in an airport or you know on my way over here Or you're on a plane and it's packed. Who do you talk to at most? You talk superficially to the person next to you and superficial conversations suck, right? They're they're shitty They're they're not fulfilling in any way we all kind of hate them and you know We all try and get good with them because you know, that's that's what we we you know have is our culture, but How we actually evolved was with very few people and actually what was so interesting about james's speech Which made me rethink a lot of stuff but man We talked like once a day We had a meaningful interaction. We didn't have to do a hundred sets We didn't have to do like some super crazy escalation model. I love all that stuff Okay, I've done it and I may still do it again I may I'm going to unnaturally talk to all of you guys after this But I have to realize what I was made to have what was so Fundamentally important and my fulfillment is dependent upon it is that I have to bring it back to what I was made to do And everybody is different Everybody has a different like evolutionary path, but hey, we're talking about some consistencies here So we want to normalize being social Guess what you got social anxiety and let me tell you the people that I work with so You know, I've been doing this job for almost 10 years now About six years been working with people who have like mad mad addiction problems Saturday yesterday was a funeral for one of somebody that I knew Ed and I it's it's actually totally fucked up, you know, this guy that we trained with and uh I worked with very directly on this, you know, he had uh passed away about a year ago It's I see this happen all the time But with those guys, guess what when you have trauma when you have like a really screwed up mentality when you have had Something which made you in shock and in fear and anxiety that on a completely different level You know on ways that might be hard to comprehend. In fact I remember after uh, a speech that I gave I contacted uh A mutual friend of ours and I said man These guys are talking about like How they like traveled and didn't know what to do and then found what to do and it was this big thing and like God, you know, you've you've made decisions where you were just trying to keep like a fucking needle out of your arm And cut withdrawals and all that sort of shit He's like dude, you can't bring that up people aren't gonna understand that But all those people guess what they do Guess what they do to learn to be social and learn what I would actually say a higher functioning social skill set That is more consistent that I see of people that come out of The seduction industry including myself in that Is they normalize being social guess what they do they have one meaningful interaction today They say hello to people not to fucking get a result Not to be something not to get any expectation But to be an expression because you've got to be an expression You've got to be okay with your identity who you are and put it out there with the world in order to get an exchange And that isn't a superficial exchange. That is an exchange of that real person back towards you And if you get that You become a little bit fulfilled You still may want to do all these other things that culture may say like hey, I want to get laid Hey, I haven't had these experiences where I'm I'm the shit where I walk to a club and everybody high fives me You know when I watch so-and-so walking to the strip club all the strippers leave from their dances and run to them I want that um And that is still imprinted in my mind, but uh never achieve that one motherfucker, but um Anyway, uh All right, so it's like I want that definition But you know what? If I start having one meaningful interaction a day and I do that for like let's say six months a year Guess what man. I get I get to I get to start to understand myself I get to start to relax I get to stop making it about all this shit and stop doing all this ridiculous I don't know crap in order to be social um But look we were born to be sexual You know, we were born to be sexual. So how do we be sexual at the simplest level? You know based on our design our evolutionary design. Let me make that clear, right? Um What about sex comes from nature? What is it and this is a little bit different because I love sex man I love talking about sex I can talk about sex forever If you want to have 20 minutes left after this presentation and one question ask about sex and I will fill that time like Like in a very selfish horrible way But we need to see sex is a is a lot of things, right? And uh again, it's simple, but it's our urge. It's our emotions. It's our desire for love. It's our it's our It's our urge to fuck. It's our urge to that we will have to dominate It's our urge that we will have for to feel the feeling of ownership to feel the feeling of You know exchange and sexuality And it's all these things which are interpreting in our head You know, we're trying to find definitions in fact Doug McGuff touched on it But I forget the terminology used but when the amygdala fires our logical brain can't keep up with it And we try and like source together different things to to match that thought but when we have a sexual urge Especially when our needs aren't being met and we're going fuck All I can think about is how I will like Use interact dominate make love like all it wants to that body and like our brain goes And and we just move or freeze or don't know what to do, right? Because it's overwhelming, right? But our urge for sex is massive and it has a full range of things, right? I don't need to explain this with being social because you know, we're we are social You know, maybe a little with a little bit of dysfunction, but we're social daily There's a lot of people who aren't sexual daily. So guess what? How do you be sexual daily? Man, you show your intent you show what you want you show your expression You may not get an exchange, but you show your intent. So how do you do that? Man, why make it a big deal? Why not normalize it? Why not make it something that is a little bit easier to stomach than this Like complex huge thing that your masculinity is dependent upon and start using the nature of your masculinity to express It start with giving a compliment start if you can't do that start with eye contact Start with leaning in a little bit closer People may be afraid they may lean away and we're not trying to hurt somebody. We're not trying to use society as an experiment But we're trying to have an interaction We're trying to figure it out and our sex drive comes a lot later than when we're trying to figure out stuff as babies 12 15 16 whatever it is we start to get this urge, but we already have these social definitions But we don't we are not allowed to speak that language We are not allowed to learn that language and so we restrict ourselves. We feel bad about it We make sex a whole bunch of fucked up shit. We make it porn. We make it about an orgasm We make it about a racking up of lays all that sort of stuff But man when you can be sexual, let me tell you and speak from experience There have been times where I've had sex every day and I was not sexual Okay, that may not make sense, but I was detached from the experience I wasn't having the natural feelings of that sexual experience. I wasn't emoting. I wasn't exchanging You know, I was doing something else and actually I will tell you this man You know when it gets into levels of like Like addiction on that level man It gets to such a point where again you get to that point of confusion an inability to find solution. I mean geez there were times in 2008 2009 where I thought that I never enjoyed sex in my life I was convinced because I'd have like, you know 40 50 interactions of just You know, what the fuck am I doing? I'm having sex with somebody else's expression and not mine All right So we are born to live Look man, your life is a force of nature every like think about how important that is man. There's so much happening There's so much cool shit happening within you every single one of you like right now If we got up and interrupted this whole fucking speech and just talk to somebody about what we were really thinking Even if it sucked if it was hate If it was anger man, you want to know how we get rid of those things I mean, it's kind of a it's an intense and somewhat unnatural reaction to the degree of what we're having it towards today But when you have hate When you have hate to the point where like, I don't know some crazy shit has happened somebody's murdered somebody else Somebody's uh, you know may hate women somebody went through a whole ton of abuse You know, somebody was raped or somebody was a rapist. You know how that person actually neutralizes and normalizes they express it But what if actually we did with our life we're able to express who we were to the person next to us You know, if we just had that one piece of the equation, it wasn't necessarily an exchange yet, but we could do that Okay, it might feel a little bit lost You know, you might get some judgment you might get some You know resistance back and actually one thing I know from like sex and socializing when I'm truly social When I'm truly expressing an exchanging there isn't any judgment. There's no judgment. There's choice People may not like something, but there's not that fear of like, oh my god. What are they gonna say? I better stop So what if we were able to do that? You know and guess what? When we can actually live how we were born to be how we were made to express And this this takes time right I've had crazy shit in my life man crazy stuff that is all my responsibility. I did them. I built it up, right? You know, and that's one thing we got to understand big time here Uh, we explain this a little bit more when we talk about different philosophies of what is the sexual life What is va evolve is there's there's nature. That's the absolute there's society and culture Which builds a little template of that and then there's you the identity in order to even have any inclination of this This of nature we need to explore ourselves deeply not like some You know checklist or something like that but really look at it and start feeding that into what society and culture is Start putting that into start interacting and exchanging when you have that over time You will start to get what you are of nature, but in that the war within us slowly calms We stop getting mad about things. We stop being confused about things, you know It could be as dramatic as self-hates or it could be as minuscule is just like frustrated not happy That chills out You know, we stop needing a checklist of like, all right I'm going to go do yoga and meditate and then I'm going to do a gratitude list And then I'm going to like call some people and and I'm going to do what you know The tim ferris life hack of 101 happiness is and uh, not to knock tim ferris good awesome guy, but hey, you're at top man I can't see anybody else That war within us calms. We stopped needing all this shit, right? and The other thing that's so cool is the war around us What it is that is Our interactions Stop being about How I can control things how i'm mad about them how i'm pissed off You know how i'm angry. I love talking shit just like anybody else I love like if I have like You know some good sexual experience or I pull off some bad I I totally brag about it man I talk about it and you know high five everybody But the thing is is that that true meaning of me needs to be fulfilled and expressed in order to come that In order for that to become you know some sort of normalized behavior So check this out value. So you can't really read this, but let me fill in the blanks So we've been teaching in this whole like seduction system with value right and a lot of people that have been speaking at this convention Don't don't teach in this template. Absolutely, but we haven't really moved beyond it like how the fuck do we Do we make a connection? Right because and I'll say this From my viewing of this and how I see it is because we're stuck in this filtration that it's not within me It's separate from me happiness Skills of dating skills of relationships skills of sex skills of being social are outside of me They're not already within me and if I look through that filter then I have to use society Is some sort of like oh well people like this more, you know Man social value. That's what's gonna fucking get me get me all the fucking cool shit Guess what man, you know, I think pickup has proven that if you buy into pickup if you buy into it and make it your life You will get worse This is actually the true statistic of me mine and actually well, hey, I can't state the specifics, but hey 2006 2007 2008 I probably approached like a thousand people a year I got laid a lot. I got laid a lot. I did lay competitions. I beat all these dudes I got like kind of popular and they're like man, steve el topo. Geez you beat all the whatever, you know And I was cool, but like I said in those years. I didn't really enjoy sex You know, I thought that for my whole life. I didn't like it, right And man check this out Then we get to like 2009 2010 I stopped I fucking didn't like it man. It was like this is not sexual actually is crazy This is a true story. I made friends all these guys in the porn industry. They would talk to me about sex addiction I was dealing with other addictions at the time And I couldn't talk to anybody in the seduction industry about this stuff because nobody would really I didn't have friends that were willing to be honest about it yet Right and so I talked to these guys in porn. They're like, man, you got to learn to love with them Like sex is natural. You had like look you have to find your sexual definition and do that You know, I came from that hating I came from that thing where I I couldn't come or I couldn't Get off or it was just like, you know, it was just it wasn't happening for me, right and um Yeah, that's why it's like I always I'm very critical when people speak Bad about porn because porn is definitely not fucking sex but let me tell you man the the people in that industry like shape to my mind in a way that None of those other ted talk people who don't aren't familiar with that kind of sexual activity Aren't familiar with that sort of like desensitization that comes from it You know, they brought me back to a normalization of sex, but man What we have to realize is the true value of humanity is that exchange is empathy Right, that is the highest value in the only value that matters. That is the thing that will give you meaning When you have empathy you have exchange Okay, and that's what it means And I would encourage you also to watch greg swan's podcast because he has a lot to say about this and he's going to talk later on today but When you exchange with somebody good or bad Anger hatred somebody reacts and feeds back naturally to you They have a real reaction that thing that we're all afraid of Because we all want to fit in this image because we see happiness and sexuality and socializing separate from ourselves That when we can be real And get a real feedback from it. We can start to build Fulfillment we can start to build our real value. We can start to know who we are We can stop needing to rely on this false image of like there was never a fucking king, man You know, that's such a new idea. There's there's never a lawyer You know, I was actually thinking about this when I was talking about the other day with my group, but You know, this is so stupid and minuscule, but I was swimming with my friends when I was like 17 or no no like 16 and we broke into this property and were cliff diving And they got fucked up and smashed against the rocks and I grew up in Hawaii It was a really good swimmer and I went in and I just got him out of the water And then we hiked back and they were all fucked up and I was like, oh shit. I was scared So that's what everybody does that's what anybody would have done if you could swim you would do it We don't need this image in order to be an expression of ourself that did nothing for my self worth What that did was that built a bond of exchange and empathy with my buddies, man You know what it did when A woman really left me and broke up with me, you know, and I felt loss and sadness That gave me a real human experience to be able to function to and I don't want to be cliche But have the relationships have today because it made me see the reality of it It made me see that I had to discipline myself to be myself We have exchange. We have connection when we have connection. We have fulfillment How we use our bodies how we use our minds how we use our emotions How we're sexual how we're social Man, they all follow a very simple natural course And so what I want to talk to you guys about today Is man think about How you can connect Right now it is the most powerful fucking thing in the recipe for every Aspect of some form of mental recovery and I don't care where you come from You know, whether that is you have some serious hardcore psychological issues Uh your bipolar you got addiction. You suffered some trauma You got PTSD and you can't function Whoops You got to connect connection is in there. You've got to emote. You've got to share you've got to tell your story What happens with, you know, when it gets into post traumatic stress disorder You know what lessens it Is when you can express, you know, one of the most amazing things about it is it's something like 95 of people who experience it had to have trauma in their childhood something that they couldn't express Something to attach to it, but if they didn't have that the people with the same experience You know, they were affected whatever was if it was war or some traumatic event They did not have the same experience And what decompresses that is the ability to talk the ability to sit around And what did james steele say when we're kids we play we talk we interact we have fun We have social hour, but when we're adults we sit around and our social interaction is very mellow. It's very simple You know, what are we doing when we're exaggerating it? What are we doing when we're in order to be sexual? We're living this like bizarre fucking template of life to Man just to come from this deficit that we have, you know from this myth That we've lived within that has given us a lack of resources Why aren't we being ourselves? And why are we trying to manufacture all the forces of nature within us? Anyway, thank you guys so much Man, this is an awesome thing This is what I did for you guys Check this out. Um, if you want the notes on the speech, I wrote it like a couple days ago It's like 8,000 words. Uh, i'm putting a download on the sexual life.com slash myth And then also what you will get Um It's good. It's gonna change as time goes, but uh, there's a free product. It's like 67 bucks that we sell it for It's an audio series. Look, you know, I love working with people. I love interacting with people But here's the deal is uh, I don't want to work with you if you don't like what I'm talking about or how I teach Right, it just doesn't work. It sucks, man It sucks when somebody signs up for your course and get like 500 bucks a thousand bucks, whatever it is And they don't show up. That's pointless You know, we have a group of guys that interact a lot You know, we really care about each other. We're international. We talk. We support each other, you know, some of them are here and uh It's just a cool thing And when we can do that, it's awesome You know my in fact the the thing that I'm giving you is the better man's guide as well as a bunch of pdf's They're interviews with me But they were made by by all the people in those groups because I Wasn't making any products. So it's it's kind of a cool thing. Uh, there's some pdf's there It's about 200 dollars worth of stuff. Uh, definitely download it. Uh, check out the notes It's a good expression of stuff. Let's open it up for questions I believe Nick Sparks has a question So, um, you know, you talk about yourself how how difficult it is when you're growing up in this culture to to live true To these values that you're speaking of when you've had your entire life been told the opposite And and you speak about creating a culture that upholds these values the shifting from kind of these superficial values that we propagated to this new means my question to you is How do you think we can go about creating a culture where exchange where this connection is is kind of the ideal value Or can we can we? Yeah? Overcome like everything else that's coming at us So here's like so I have my opinions on that and first off number one No victimization man. Everybody's had crazy stuff happen and my hangnail hurts just as bad as your broken leg You know, I mean, it's like there's no You you can't weigh scales on you got to deal with your shit You got to explore your identity and then filter it back into society and then you can find out what your nature is But we number one thing is with that is we've got to communicate I encourage everybody to be a part of a men's group I mean all the the only way I teach is through a men's group, man. I mean, that's what it is like And that's just because I need one so You know, that's that's what I kind of made my job So I think that that's important. We talk we communicate that could be big that could be small It's better face to face But I personally think stop making it about changing the world Man, all I can do is have one interaction with somebody in front of me You know, even when it comes to seduction like you got to be alpha You got to have social proof man. Fuck that, you know You got to be real with the person in front of you You have to have a connection sexually with her or socially with whoever and make that have meaning If that has meaning then that's how we were really meant to live Some books though, you know what initially sparked my interest on this Guy actually sought out an interview Daniel Quinn Ishmael He wrote a whole series about this stuff. That's kind of the layman's version But if you want to get into it, you know, there's there's the Richard Dawkins There's also Wilhelm Reich who wrote about sexuality and society and all this crazy insane stuff And he was kind of a crazy person himself. And there's a really good anthropological book called Sahar Asia Which is by a Reichy and dude, but man, hopefully it answered your question, but I would say make it simple Keep it keep it one on one. That's my that's my version of it, you know Wow, really great stuff In a culture of Anti-fulfillment, you know, every everywhere I go every every day You know these other images being presented as fulfillment and happiness Um, I really identify with what you're saying Can you give me some simple ways to just keep resetting to stay on course? Man, so what we do in our groups at the highest level So if there's guys that are getting laid a lot to guys that have major social anxiety If you have major social anxiety, you're gonna have to start off at a different point but From zero like zero zero zero like serious fucking problems to Somebody who is living in a superlative lifestyle, you know far more like Extravagant than anything I've ever lived The baseline is always to say hello say hello to five people a day and really it's say hello to five people a day I know that's like some quantified thing But again, you know nature doesn't need science man needs, you know some sort of science or method to find truth in nature But that's to have one meaningful connection You know and so if we say hello to five people a day, that's key If you can't say hello, then you start off with different things like eye contact getting out of the house You know smiling getting a smile back, you know trying to get an interaction with in exchange with somebody But man it all comes down seriously like there's guys who You're just like holy shit, but they will tell you, you know say hello That is the hands-down thing, you know human to human very simple interactions and to really have meaning in that don't Don't expect anything from it Cool You talked about how you had such a Full sex life, but we're really Not enjoying any of it And I wanted to know what happened to cause the shift in you From believing you didn't enjoy sex to having a truly fulfilling sex life And was it a particular point or experience or more of a process? That's hard to say because like there's no turning point. There's never a turning point So anytime when like you talk to somebody who's experienced like some intense stuff, you're like, so what happened? You know, when did you think it was okay to prostitute yourself? When did you think it was okay to whatever like some intense thing? And it just happens like you're hungry There's food in a dumpster you eat it and then that becomes the norm You don't worry about it because you understand it you get it you I mean just whatever, but so when it's sexual it's like it's happening. I have the urge for sex I want to fuck I want a bone my dick gets hard. I used to say that my biggest curse is my dick gets hard And um and it wouldn't not because that's always a great excuse And then you learn the whole art of faking an orgasm and all that sort of shit and I'm done. Sorry You run but um, there's some interesting stuff to that You got to listen to bang radio for those episodes, but um, hey, so But the thing is is you don't really know when that happens. There's no distinct switch Right, just all of a sudden you're like fuck. I don't like this. This sucks This is a human. I knew that it was supposed to feel good This is like this is the man the worst sex with the hottest chicks Not because the hottest chicks had the worst sex, but it was the situation and all that sort of stuff So, um, it just started happening and you're like fuck this sucks Did I ever like it god when I was 23 24 25 and having sex like that was just a weird reaction You know, that wasn't real and then coming out of that I had to learn to feel and like I said man talking to a lot of the porn guys was a was a huge deal for me Yeah, uh, I'll ride. I'll ride a ride. I'll ride a ride. Yeah Just one thing from you haven't been around this a long time known you for a long time. Why is it that the same guys That circulate around the community Can't socialize can't make friends But you send them to a jujitsu school Or some something like that they start socializing making friends and then in our lairs They have no problem doing it there I mean, I think the intention of women man, and let me just say Dude, this guy is a part of my groups. This guy's known me for eight years and you're on at least two calls And we I mean you we interact quite a bit, but I haven't seen you in a while, but known each other for a long time So that's just I think that's a very cool thing like that. It's just it's not about like It's about talking to guys and decompressing, but man, you know, I don't know You know, why is it that when we're doing this like kind of like Okay, when we talk about jujitsu, I think jujitsu can be true. It's an expression of your body I mean like I uh You know, it's like it's just so real, you know, or any martial art It could be anything, right? But you're feeling with somebody else and you're totally influenced by them and its expression and it's it's an awesome thing And I think when that happens like it loosens everybody up, you know Put somebody in a natural state of socializing and feeling somebody else And when it's about pickup, it's coming from without man or when it comes from like I have to do this I have to perform. I have to give this speech. I have to be good All that sort of shit, you know, that's like the coolest thing about My fulfillment relationship now is like I can fuck up and still have self-worth but think about the insecurity that that comes from But in order to find that I had to have an interaction with somebody that had meaning You know, so it's kind of crazy. So I think when people get in that natural expression of empathy, you know It loosens them up But when we're in a supposed to or an identity or an image or in a natural state of how we're really supposed to interact That's just really far from it. There will never be a connection. You know, it just won't happen Final question final question Hi, Steve. Uh, thanks for speech really good Uh, I had a question you you just covered it, uh about like you were having that transition period And then you said what helped was all the porn stars that helped you I'm Yeah, so Oh, go ahead and finish. I'm sorry. Yeah, I think most people won't have porn stars in their life What? No, but honestly though You're stuck at that point where you don't know what the road is You've had those porn stars to help you. What would your tip be to those people? So Yeah, there's the whole fake it tell you make it thing You got to find a point of reference and you do have to do that But you need to know that you have to find an expression of yourself in there Um, you know, it's funny because if you watched the 2009 speech of the 21 convention That was like a big transition. I was going through and I was talking to my friend who is is a porn star and he's had some crazy stuff happen and uh actually, it's funny story because A couple years ago Marie and I were at some pickup conference and we were hanging out with all these pickup dudes Then we hung out with my other porn star friend right afterwards And it was like the most normal people in comparison to the guys at the the conference. It definitely was not a 21 convention I'll tell you that um, but Look what they told me and this was what it was important. Okay now with the time back then so when this was really taxing on me Okay at the time the people that I knew in the industry are not the people in this room Okay, there's a big difference and I want to make that distinction everybody that stood on the stage Is is on a different level of representation in an expression that is different than mine But respectable, you know in a way that that I listened to um But at the time that was not happening in 2006 seven eight nine the people that were around me Um, no matter how hard I looked Did not have that message. It was like oh fuck more chicks So they were going through the same thing as me but not being honest about it and it sucked and um What I did was as soon as I had an email account that was attached to a big company Although I later realized I didn't really need this I did What edrew said is I emailed One of my favorite pornographers and he got back to me We we taught a bunch of workshops together and stuff was pretty crazy And uh, he taught me a lot actually about sex and about the actual process of because sex when a woman and man or You could even say any human being when they're close to one another you start to communicate in a different level Okay, it may not be sexually but it it's more intimately and so getting physical is like Can happen because it's natural You know, I don't want to make it like it's a series of steps that will magnetically get but it it can happen and uh He just told me he's like man all these guys that you introduced me to hate women You know steve. I have hated women. This this is a crazy story Uh, I'm not saying who it is but his mom Stabbed him in the eye And and he has a fake eye. It's actually a really good fake eye, but his mom abused him and um, basically, uh He he hated Chicks and you could see that that came out and is porn and he still actually makes porn to this day But he said, you know, his grandparents changed him and he went through this kind of boogie night scenario Interact with people and that's the person that I could listen to that's the person that I could understand That was the first person that was like having sex on a level far beyond mine actually But with the level of anger and resentment that I had that I could hear Yeah, that's all we have for questions. Give it up for steve. Hey, thanks guys