 When the narcissist loses the real one, when the narcissist loses someone who fulfilled the every need, someone who is successful, someone who has lots of money, someone who is desirable and attractive, someone who would have done anything for the narcissist, while tolerating their dysfunctional behaviors, while not questioning or confronting them, but they still got rid of you, or maybe you left because you had enough of them. Whatever it was, the relationship didn't work out. Even though you had everything that they were looking for, and many people think that must mean that the narcissist really valued them, never really valued them, they never appreciated you, and that is true, they're never grateful for anything you do for them. But if you think of an appliance you've used, whether it's a car or a television, have you ever bought a new one and realized that it wasn't as good as the one you had before? Have you ever found that you preferred the last appliance you had over the one you just bought? That is how narcissists experience people. It has nothing to do with you as a person, you're just an object that exists to meet their needs. You're supposed to provide conveniences for them, you're supposed to regulate their emotions, you're supposed to see them as being perfect, regardless of what they do to you, and when you do that, they see you as being the real one, because when everyone took off, you still remained beside them, you still validated the illusion, but that's all the narcissist is going to miss. They're going to miss the conveniences you provided for them, they're going to miss how you made them feel, they don't really regret losing you. They can't accept that they made a fault or mistake, whether you leave them or they leave you, they still see it as though there's something wrong with you, the narcissist will never hold themselves accountable for their actions. Some narcissist may apologize to you, they may even tell you that they regret the decision, but that's just designed to manipulate you, they're just doing it to control you, and although they may miss the conveniences you provided for them and how you made them feel, they're just waiting for the next new thing to come along, it's like they always want the latest iPhone, they don't want the old iPhone 6 because it's outdated, it's not as good or as useful as something more and more recent, even if they hoover you and love bomb you, it's not because they really want you, they just want to keep you under their control so that they can get supply, so that they can get whatever conveniences you have to offer, you mean nothing to them as a person, narcissists can display an intense but short lived passion or admiration for you, and they will give you excessive and intense ear praise, but this is only to further their own interests, they're designed to operate in this way because that will then get them supply, they will put you on a pedestal, they will call you their soulmate, they will tell you whatever they think you want to hear, whatever they think will get you back under their control again because really they just see you as an object, they just see you as someone who exists to meet their needs, whatever they said to you, they've probably said that to someone before you and they will say it to someone after you, no one ever had the narcissist and no one ever will, it was just your turn, when the narcissist is loveborn in their new supply, they may call them the real one, they may say that they're their soulmate but then it is a matter of time until they devalue them, that is when they may return to you and tell you how they regret leaving you, they will say that you are the one they were supposed to be with and many people fall for this, when really they're just being manipulated again, they're just entering another cycle of abuse, you're only the real one as an object, they only care about supply, they only care about the conveniences you bring to them, they do not care about you, they're never going to self-reflect or realise what they've done, narcissists do not self-reflect, they do not regret anything, they will pretend like they're sorry, they will pretend to be empathic but that's only to get you back, that's only to get you to return to them, they will never come to the conclusion that if they didn't treat you in a certain way they would still be with you, they will never come to that awareness, they will never look back and think that they've lost the real one, their narcissism will not allow them to think that way, they will only look at it as though they've got rid of the problem, they will see it as though you've deceived them, you led them to believe something that was not true and they will think that they did the right thing by getting rid of you, they will never look back and think that they've lost the real one, they might hoover you to get fuel but they're never going to regret anything they've done, they're never going to think that they've lost someone who was special or unique, they will only hoover you to control you, they just see you as an appliance, as an object that exists to meet their needs and they see it as though you have no right to leave them, the narcissist does not regret the decision, they do not believe that they've lost the real one, they might say that they have but that's just to manipulate you, that's not how they feel, they will never think that they should have treated you better, they will never see it as though they did anything wrong, even if they don't have any supply, they're not going to be reflecting on anything they've done, they're not going to be thinking about how they've hurt people, they're not going to think that their behaviour was the problem, they will either be focused on the present moment, they will be thinking about what people have done to them, they will be feeling sorry for themselves and the suffering and misfortune that they believe they experienced but they're never going to think that they made a fault or mistake, their narcissism will not allow them to think that way, no narcissist is ever going to reflect on anything that they've done, they're never going to feel bad for anyone, they're just going to look down on you and see it as though they got rid of the problem, the narcissist will not recognise that you are the real one, their narcissism will not allow them to see that, they have to see you as the problem, they have to see you as the bad guy in order to function, they can't self-reflect so someone else has to be at fault, someone else has to be the problem but if you look at all of the conveniences you provided to the narcissist and how you made them feel, you should realise that you are the real one, you are the one that would have stayed by their side, from the moment the narcissist begins devaluing you, everything that was once good about you now becomes bad, they can no longer perceive anything good about you, all they can see is faults, flaws and imperfections, even if there was a perfect person walking the earth, at that point all the narcissist would see is something defective because they have to see you this way in order to function, they have to see it as though they got rid of the problem, they have a black or white mentality, you're either all good or all bad, you're either with them or you're against them, so the narcissist does not regret losing the real one, they just see it as though they got rid of the problem and you should not waste your time trying to show them that they've lost something real, you need to recognise your own worth, you should take your good qualities and share them with someone who can see it, other than trying to share them with someone who is unable to see past their own negative view themselves, they're never going to come to the conclusion that they've lost the real one, they're never going to see it as though they've made a fault or mistake because they have to be in control, you would be wasting your time trying to convince them that you're the real one, they're just going to reject what you're saying, they're going to feel and express contempt and disdain for you, they're going to feel like you're worthless and beneath their consideration and in their minds that's winning, if they can make you feel angry or upset, if they can make you feel invalidated like you don't even exist, if they can irritate you, you've lost by going no contact and then interacting with them again, it's just going to resurface your intense emotions and then you've lost because it's just a game to the narcissist, love does not exist in their world, you're either a convenience or a problem, thank you for watching, I hope this video resonated with you, please like, comment, share and subscribe, if you would like to donate my PayPal link is in the video description, coaching inquiries, you can email me at coachingantnarksurvivor.co.uk, thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon