 This week on the anxious truth. We're talking about the difference between process focus and outcome focus when you're on the path to recovery So let's go Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the anxious truth. This is a podcast episode number 196 recorded February of 2022 Entitled anxiety recovery. It's the process not the outcome We're gonna talk about trying to remain focused on the process and the benefits of the process and recovery as opposed to Always looking for specific outcomes every single day because that's gonna land you up in a very frustrated place now before we get Started in today's topic just a couple of housekeeping items and a couple things I want to remind you of the anxious truth is more than just this podcast There are three books and anxiety and anxiety recovery that I've written that I think are tremendously useful That's what everybody tells me there is a morning email newsletter slash podcast called the anxious morning Which is completely free and everybody that is subscribed to that is digging that and there's just all the stuff That I put out on social media every day. There's a ton of free resource and my three books So for more information about all of those things and ways to support this work If you dig the podcast and want to help keep it add and sponsor free Which is my goal forever going over to the anxious truth comm and check it all out I appreciate that if you've got my books already and you read them and you love them Maybe write a review on Amazon because that always helps me out. All right Let's get into today's topic and this is process versus outcome in anxiety recovery I just did a video on this in my YouTube channel with Lauren Rosen the obsessive mind on Instagram We talked about it for a little while, but I think it deserves its own podcast episode because I want to go deeper into a couple of the concepts Here is the deal on this Everybody cares about the outcome. We all care about the outcome. We cannot get rid of that Everybody cares about the outcome and I don't expect you to not care about the outcome We only go down the recovery road because we we want to feel better. We want to have a better life We don't want to be afraid anymore We don't want to be crippled by our anxiety and our panic and our intrusive thoughts and all of that stuff So I do understand that the outcome does matter like we're allowed to want an outcome So I just want to get that out of the way right away and and you know, acknowledge that We all have an outcome in mind Everybody does and generally speaking that outcome is feeling better and not being stuck where you are right now So that's okay but one of the mistakes that gets made all the time is to take that outcome and bring it into Every situation on a minute by minute or hour by hour or day by day basis. That's a mistake and I'll tell you why The outcome I want to feel better. I don't want to have panic attacks anymore I don't want to be stuck in my house anymore. I don't want to be crippled by health anxiety anymore Those outcomes are long-term outcomes, right? so those are things that take a while to get to and When we are in the process of going down that road and taking this long-term trip that we're trying to take to get to This place that we call air quotes recovered We care about the process of doing that more than we care about the outcome and here's why The process is what teaches us the lessons the outcome that we want on the long term I want to feel better. I don't want to be afraid anymore. I don't want to have this anxiety problem anymore That outcome that long-term outcome is only achieved when we learn some new lessons You hear me talk about it all the time, you know building a new reaction to and relationship with anxiety and fear That is something that happens experientially over time with it repeated Experiences and we need those lessons again and again and again to build that new reaction and that new relationship with anxiety and fear and everything that comes with them So the way that we get those lessons and have those experiences is Process-based it's not outcome-based and the mistake that a lot of people make is that they decide Okay, I'm gonna start doing this stuff I'm gonna do this recovery stuff true that you talk about and people that sound like me talk about I'm ready I'm ready to get my life back I'm gonna do recovery now and then you do it and you get a week or two into it and discover I don't feel any different today. I don't feel any different day by day I went out and it did an exposure and I was terrified during the exposure After the exposure was over. I was shaky. I felt worse. I had all this fear. I was tired. I was worn out like it's not working It's not working That's such a mistake because what's happening is you're taking the long-term outcome I want to feel a certain way and you're demanding to have it happen Minute by minute hour by hour day by day and that's not correct. That can't be So it's the process and you hear me say all the time. It's not how you feel or what you think It's what you do And then what the outcome is based on reality Not what you think might happen or you are afraid might happen or what you are afraid Might be going on in your body or your mind. It's not that at all It's what you do and then the outcome reality based outcome nothing happened. I didn't go insane I did not do this. I did not pass out. I didn't have a heart attack. I didn't die. I didn't none of the outcomes happened So the experience that you have That gives you that lesson of reality if you're willing to accept it is a process But nothing about that process In that moment minute by minute hour by hour day by day says oh and you will feel better Like you might it's possible that you will have days when you feel better. I hope you do We all want them. It's okay to want that But that's not the goal in any particular moment The goal at any moment is not to feel better Right. So if you're listening to me right now, there's a really good chance that you've spent a very long time Trying to find ways to feel better You've tried all kinds of different anxiety strategies and remedies and cures and ways to manage it I have to manage my anxiety. I have to you know, soothe it. I have to see what it's telling me I have to work with it and it it doesn't work on the long term, right? You're trying to find ways to feel better when I get in this state I need a strategy to feel better right now And that doesn't lead to long term anything You might find some things that sort of make you feel better calm you down Soothe you for a short time then those sort of stop working after a while You got to find other things or it's not reliable if I get too anxious then my rituals don't really work The issue here is that the the goal that you have in the short term is not the right goal In the short term moment by moment I'm going to repeat this phrase a lot in this podcast episode moment by moment hour by hour day by day Your goal is not to change how you feel your goal is to change what you do And the lesson that you take from what you do That is your goal and that is a process focus goal Like I want to keep my attention on the process that I'm engaged with here I cannot have my attention on the ultimate outcome that I want that's down the road I don't know how far down the road weeks months a year. I don't know that and unfortunately I can't tell you how long it will be for you Nobody can But in the end when you find yourself Judging your progress and judging the success failure or efficacy of a given day Or a given challenge or a given moment to give an exposure And you are You know evaluating yourself and evaluating your progress and how things are going based on this change the way I feel right now You will wind up feeling defeated or disappointed or like you're doing it wrong or somehow you're not getting it It's one of the more heartbreaking things that I see is that people will say this is something I just can't get it I just can't seem to get this Clearly something is wrong like I'm doing all these new things that I haven't done in two years I'm doing them and but I feel so afraid. I don't feel good. I feel anxious and when I get home I'm tired and you know, I'm worried and I feel like I'm having anxiety more because I'm doing all these new things I'm not getting it. It's not working. No That's the process Like and what's amazing to me about that is when you become outcome focused And you judge yourself as I'm not getting it. This isn't working. Whatever. It's this. I'm not doing it Right. Please give me some more tips like I need more advice. I don't know why it's not working You're actually missing that the process is in fact going correctly So it's always really difficult and a little bit heartbreaking to hear an agoraphobic person for instance say something like I've been out to places that I have not been to in two years You know, I went and did the school run. I picked up my kids. I went shopping with my husband and helped with the groceries We went out to dinner. I haven't done that in eight months And that statement by itself is a win. That's a process-based win But then often the statement will be completed with But and I just I kept thinking that I was going to go crazy It just felt like too much. I felt I felt it felt like I had all the feelings. I I was afraid. I feel so defeated You just said that you were literally in the process of doing things that you have been unable or unwilling to do for a Very long time and you're doing them again And the thing that you continually say that you thought what happened or feared what happened Or these these feelings and emotions and thoughts that you think are the most important thing in the room Reality keeps showing you that they are not So the process is in fact working for you If you remain focused on the process, what lesson do I take out of the process today? The short-term outcome today is that I felt really bad. I was really afraid. I was sure I was snap I was sure that it was too much for me to handle But once again, I'm at the end of the day and I handled it That is the process speaking to you like look you did it you did it Reality part of the process you did it you went out today and you you did this challenging thing And you felt terrible and you were sure you couldn't do it, but you did it But if you keep returning back to but I felt or but I thought or but my body did this Then you are evaluating based on what your ultimate outcome goal is the the goal down the road when the day comes It says oh, I'm recovered. I don't have an anxiety disorder anymore. Not. I don't have anxiety I don't have an anxiety disorder You're looking for that right now So I'm let me give you an analogy that I have used and I use this in the video I did with Lauren so I want to talk about the moon mission Okay, so back in the in the 60s There's even a little before my time. I'm older than most of you, but it is even before my time In the early 60s the u.s. President at the time John F. Kennedy said we're gonna go to the moon We're gonna put a guy in the moon We're gonna put a man on the moon and return them home safely They was pretty ambitious. It was a big deal right And that kicked off a sequence of events that involved hundreds of thousands of people Doing all kinds of different jobs from all kinds of different parts walks of life and skill sets and everybody had a job And so for years and years and he said by the end of the decade Or I believe he did in his the end of the decade He said which was really weird But anyway, he said by the end of the decade We pledged to put a man on the moon and return him home safely And he set all these wheels in motion and the ultimate goal the outcome From that speech that he gave that day. I think in texas he was The outcome that everybody was after was a man on the moon and then back home safely That was the ultimate outcome But it kicked off this incredibly complicated process that ran for nine and ten years Between the time that he made that speech and the time that the first man on the moon Right neil armstrong buzz aldrin mike collins. They came back home and they splashed in they were safe in the pacific ocean That all the things that happened between the Stating of what I want the outcome to be and achieving the outcome was the process There was a process of putting a man on the moon in the 1960s And every time that activity took place in the context of that process a man was still not on the moon So somebody had to design a rocket I mean i'm gonna grossly oversimplify this and they did that and then once they had a rocket design Picked yeah, we're gonna go with the satisfied rocket. There was still no man on the moon So they had not achieved the outcome yet But they didn't judge it based on that they knew that they were involved in a process Then they had to test that rocket then they had to train an astronaut Then they had to pick astronauts Then they had to devise a training system and start training them and putting them through exercises and every time A potential astronaut went and did a particular exercise or took a test There was still not a man on the moon Still not the outcome had not been achieved And they they rehearsed things and they built new systems and built new Entire organizations and every time they did one of those things Based on the the desired outcome. There was still no man on the moon So for nine years hundreds of thousands of people took these little steps as part of the process of fulfilling that pledge that John of Kennedy made but through every step of that process there was still no man on the moon until there was So imagine take for instance, and I always use that like okay, we're gonna test a rocket We're gonna test the Saturn V rocket and they did a rocket test. I don't know one day in 1966. I don't know making this up They test the Saturn V rocket. It's a whole big deal. There's thousands of people involved in this activity It's part of the process of going to the moon And the test is successful. They test the rocket. It doesn't blow up everything works the way it's supposed to It measures perfectly. Yay We tested the rocket, but there's no man on the moon that day So if they had taken the same approach that you might be taking in your anxiety recovery It would have been see no man on the moon. This is not working. Clearly. We're not getting it We've done all this stuff. We tested this rocket that didn't exist four years ago And we tested and it works flawlessly, but there's still no man on the moon. So forget it I'm not either clearly. We're not doing this right. We're not getting it. See the difference Now I understand like anxiety recovery is not nasa. It's not the moon mission But I think that analogy really applies and it can really sort of crystallize that for you Every time you go and do a challenging thing that you have previously tried to not do Every time you do it you get one step closer to the moon But you're not on the moon in that moment So this matters it matters in a big way Like if you don't remain process focused You will lose track and you will begin to evaluate things based on the wrong Outcomes the outcome that day was that we just need this rocket test to work And they achieve that the outcome for you is I just have to wait an extra hour before I google my symptoms If you do it you win you did it. You were process focused that day But you're still not recovered, but that's okay because you got a step closer to it The process matters the process matters quite a bit as a matter of fact So if there is a takeaway from the last 15 minutes of ranting that I have done It will be that you should do your best to stay process to stay focused on the process that you are involved with Not so much on the outcome that you hope to achieve down the road The process is what gets us there the progress we make is based on the process we were on we are involved in So you have to take every challenge that you meet every new thing that you do every new experience that you have and say Not so much did it change how I feel and it doesn't matter how I feel But what did I learn so to stay process focused rather than outcome focus what I would urge you to do Is to not evaluate based on how you feel did this change how I feel More so what did I do that was different today than I did yesterday or last week What did I learn from that? What can I maybe change tomorrow? That's even a little bit different So every time you go through a rough patch every time you meet a challenge every time you do an exposure Every time you make a behavioral change along the way I want you to try to stay focused on this was something that I did different And what can I learn from this and how is this moving me closer to my ultimate goal? How am I working the process? The progress comes from the process And if you can do that and there will be days that you will stumble trust me It's okay There will be days when you will get frustrated and demand to be better right that day I had many of them because I'm an impatient sob in the end But if you can stay focused on the process instead of the outcome Then one day you will wake up and discover Oh, I got my outcome I don't know when that happened But I'm pretty sure I got my outcome now and it will have been the process that got you there Now there's no magic day that you wake up and say hey, I'm recovered. That just doesn't happen But you will wake up one morning and discover. I think I might be there I think I got my outcome in the end and again It will be the process that will have gotten you there So what we care about is remaining focused on the process and what the process each individual step can teach us What did we do different? What did we learn? What can we do differently? Yes tomorrow than we did yesterday or the week before today How can we we keep changing our reactions and our relationships with anxiety and fear and our thoughts and our sensations and all of those things That is what will get you down the road to the outcome that you so desperately want and you are allowed to want it But that's the way to get there. So process focused or outcome focused I would tell you that being process focused is the way to go because when you stay focused on the process Then only will you ultimately get to where you want to be? But you will learn lessons along the way that will serve you well beyond recovery We'll talk about that some other day and that's it. That is episode number 196 18 minutes worth of ranting not too bad So, you know, it's over because the music So that is afterglow by ben drake. You can find ben and his music at ben drake music.com Go check him out tell him I said hello. He's a good dude and a good musician. I think you'll enjoy his work And what can I tell you? What do I tell you at the end of every podcast? If you are listening on itunes or spotify or someplace where you can leave a rating or a review Leave a five-star rating write a little review for the podcast that helps other people find it We're trying to reach as many people as we can to help as many people as we can and I appreciate your help in Doing that if you're watching on youtube You should totally subscribe to the channel and I guess you have to hit the bell So, you know when you out when new videos are out. So, you know, do the whole youtube thing. I suck at that But i'm getting better. I'm commenting and interacting on youtube. So go with me All right guys. Thanks for coming by. I appreciate your time and attention as always I look back next week with another one. I don't know what i'm going to talk about But I will be here and remember This is the way