 Okay, if you want to get into a committed relationship where you feel like you're loved and you're cherished and you're really valued as a partner and a woman, then there are some things that you need to make sure that you're not doing. I get a lot of women from our community that ask me a lot of questions or they'll talk a lot about their situations to me. And I look at a lot of what they're doing and I picked apart some of the biggest mistakes that some of these women are making and I'm going to share them with you right now. So my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to the Commitment Connection. If before we get started I just want to say if you're new here, if you want, if you're really serious about getting into a committed loving relationship, make sure that you go to thegoddyscommunity.com and check out joining our community there for free. Alright, so what are some things that women do that are huge mistakes that actually turn men off that make guys kind of take them for granted? A lot of this stuff is based on psychology, it's based on biology, that's why we talk about these things. So the first one that I'm going to talk about is stop allowing wounded men to take advantage of you. So I keep running into this scenario with women in our community where they come up and they're like, oh well there's this guy and he's really great and he's so amazing and he's awesome but he had this thing that happened in this past and this woman hurt him and so he's kind of scared of a relationship and so I don't want to freak him out so I'm not pressuring him to get into a relationship but we're having sex and we're doing all these other things and I'm just going to hang out and wait until he gets better or I'm going to try to fix him or I'm going to help him out and work with him and try to figure out what's going on with him and this almost never works out because what ends up happening is when you try to do this with a guy who's really wounded what happens is that one of the big motivations that men have for kind of healing themselves and figuring themselves out and getting a lot of their emotional and mental things worked out and figured out is that they want to get into a relationship they want to be connected with a woman they want to feel loved they want to have that nurturing feminine energy around them and so that they'll end up healing themselves and figuring themselves out and getting their stuff together for a woman or for the possibility of getting into a relationship with a woman so if you're giving a man all of those things without him needing to fix himself beforehand what ends up happening a lot of times is that a guy will end up never fixing those things because he doesn't have that goal anymore he doesn't have that need to do it because he's already getting his needs taken care of so if you're falling in love with a man's potential but he's not giving you what you want right now you're in for a really rough time and you need to stop doing that if you're here with us in the chat right now make sure that you say hi and let us know where it is in the world that you are that you are here that you're messaging that you're watching this from right now so all right so number two so first one is stop allowing wounded men to take advantage of you number two is stop sleeping around and this is a huge huge one right now especially in the age of the hookup culture and I just want to say that this if you want to if you want to sleep around go ahead however just remember that there's a lot of downsides to it for you to sleep around and maybe everybody else is sleeping around maybe a lot of guys that you meet are trying to pressure you into sleeping around don't do it it's not healthy for you emotionally physically or mentally it also destroys your ability to have real relationships in the future they've they've done a bunch of different studies on this and they found that and this isn't fair by any means but they found that for women it's actually really destructive to have a lot of partners in her life and the more partners that you end up having the less of an ability that most women have for being able to get in and stay in a functioning relationship over time for a number of different reasons one is because your ability to pair bond to a man actually decreases with the increased number of partners that you end up having and it also kind of creates this effect where you start looking at other guys and feeling like you're missing out on something and so what ends up happening is a lot of women end up cheating a lot of women feel less connected to the guy that they're with and so sleeping around is really just a bad it's bad for you it doesn't work really well for most women and so my recommendation is that you stop sleeping around it's lower it also lowers the chances that a guy is going to want anything real with you so my suggestion don't sleep around number three is stop having sex with a guy without exclusivity and so we get a lot of women that come into our community and i've talked in a previous live stream about what to do if you're in a casual relationship and you want to go to a committed one and what i will say about that is that it's far more difficult to go from a casual relationship to a committed one then going from no relationship to a committed one or no relationship to an exclusive one and so there's a lot of things that having sex with a guy without making sure that exclusivity is there kind of destroys and a lot of the good sides of making sure that you ask for exclusivity before sex is that it helps you set the frame one is that it helps set the frame for your relationship so it's not like oh we got into this and we're just having fun and we just started hooking up and and now i'm trying to force you into a relationship it goes into like hey this is my this is my boundary this is what i need in order for us to start having physical relations you know for us to get physically intimate with each other and then it sets this frame of like hey this is serious i'm serious about it and it sets a far more powerful frame if you want to have something real with a man and he starts looking at you differently because you're setting those boundaries and you're saying hey this is my value and this is what is important to me and this is uh something that i need in order for us to do this and it's it's far far more valuable for you to ask for exclusivity before you get physically intimate with a man and so it also tells a lot about a man's character right so normally if you're just sleeping around and you just hook up with a guy and you're having this kind of casual friend with benefits thing it doesn't really it's like okay the guy's kind of free to do whatever he wants but if you set up this exclusivity boundary and he agrees to it and then he ends up doing something weird then all of a sudden you're like oh well this guy is showing me his character right now whereas if you don't set up that boundary then in that agreement then all of a sudden it's like you you don't know what that guy's character is around the idea of that and it also helps you figure out early on what this guy's actually looking for so if he's actually ready for a relationship if he's interested in being exclusive if he looks at you as somebody that he'd want to be in a real relationship with this helps you determine that very early on so you're not wasting months or even years with a guy that's never and going to end up being serious with you so if you're in if you're watching this right now if you're in the chat let me know that you get it just say I get it if you understand what we're talking about here all right so the next one is I think this is number four number four is stop moving in with men without getting a ring on your finger if you want marriage if marriage is something that you want with a man and so it's the old saying why buy the cow if you get the milk for free and if you want to get a ring on your finger one day you need to make sure that you're getting your needs met before he before you're making giving him all of his needs as well you want to get both of your needs met together and so my suggestion is is that you never move in with a guy unless he puts a ring on your finger if marriage is something that you absolutely want down the road because what'll end up happening is he'll start getting complacent because he is start getting lazy because he's been he's he's getting all of his needs met he's got his girl he's he's got everything that he wants and it's like oh why why do we need to move to marriage why why do we need that thing right and if this is something that you need which it tends to be a lot of times something that women end up wanting and needing more than men a lot of times sometimes it's the other way around depending on the situation and depending on how you've done things up to this point it's it's really easy for it to be something that you both really want if you're doing things right up to this point and you've created kind of a really powerful relationship with him but my suggestion is that you don't that you don't move in with a guy unless you're getting a ring and again it also tells you a lot about him it tells you a lot about how he feels about you and and how things are going and his character and all all kinds of stuff like that remember we're about empowerment here we're about empowering you to the to the best of our ability so that you can get what it is that you want in your relationship and so the next one is stop dating men who are in relationships are married i i just published a video today about a woman that wanted to get that wanted to get this guy that's married in into a physical relationship with her and it's like what are you what are you doing you got to stop this it's it you're going after unavailable men actually there's a bunch of women recently that have been in our community that are looking at guys who are married sometimes they're married sometimes they're in relationships and they're trying to get this guy that's unavailable and it's just it's absolutely ridiculous and so you won't stop dating guys that are in relationships and that are married stop allowing this to happen stop falling victim and pray to it stop facilitating this process that i i talked about this study that was done a while ago where they found that over 50 percent of all relationships start with one partner or the other or both cheating on somebody and so those relationships are the worst kind and there's a lot of problems that go with them and my suggestion is that you leave men who are in relationships and or married alone fine guys that are single stop dating men that are in relationships the next one is stop smothering men and this is actually something that really goes deeper into this space of like feeling like you're not worthy feeling like you have to do something in order to make him love you right which is the exact opposite of what you want to do if you want a guy to love you is if you want to go to love you you need to give him some room and give him some air to breathe and some space so that his the fire of his desire can grow and grow and grow until it's you know until he's like really in love with you and he really likes you a lot and the only way you can do that is by backing off and giving him some space and it's another thing that I want to say that people appreciate and value men appreciate and value women when that woman's not around him all the time right we appreciate and value things when we experience what it's like to not have them and so if you want him to value you more instantly and immediately one of the fastest ways to do that is to pull your presence away which is the opposite of smothering him and so I get women all the time in our community that are just constantly smothering dudes and you don't want to do that he won't love you more if you're on top of him and smothering him all the time so that's that next one not sure what number we're on here one two three four five six seven number seven is stop trying to nag and force a man to do what you want him to do I and this happens all the time our last live stream there was a woman that was talking about how she was pregnant how she's pregnant and there's this man that she's it's his baby and she's like you know I mean she's freaking out right because he's not behaving the way that she wants him to behave which is totally understandable but what she's actually doing is she's just pushing him further and further and further away and making it more and more and more painful for him to be around her because she's constantly like nagging him and trying to force him to do things that he should be doing but he's not doing and she's freaking out and she's causing all kinds of problems for herself she's creating problems ultimately she's going to create problems for her pregnancy and her own emotional and physical well-being she's creating problems for her relationship and what you need to do is you need to chill out a little bit if a guy's not doing the things that you want him to be doing the way isn't to force him the way is to give it one give him some space and give him direction for what it is that he needs to be doing but and I know I get this all the time women are like yeah but he should be in it's like yeah maybe he should but you're it's never gonna work you're only gonna make it worse as if you nag him there's much much better ways to connect with a man and get him to want to do things and show him and speak to him in a way that makes sense to him and that creates desire for him to want to do those things and that's by following the systems that I have and that I've been talking about in these live streams and in my program the forever woman and to uh to to frame things the right way if you're really interested in framing you can look up my love frames toolkit I talk in depth about how to frame relationships in a way that give you what it is that you want and make it so that a guy wants to do the things that you want him to do without trying to force him or nag him or creating a bunch of negative emotions in it so that's that next one is stop placing expectations on men without communicating what those expectations are so there's a woman that was complaining in one of my last live streams she's like oh yeah like guys everybody knows how they're supposed to be acting you know we're taught how to act and behave around each other when we're children and they know what they're supposed to be doing and dating and blah blah blah that is not true okay we we are in a society especially in the west where a lot of people are growing up without parents with single parents being raised by neighborhood kids being raised by the computer the internet or television and a lot of people have no idea how they should be behaving they don't understand dating they don't get love they don't get relationships they don't get any of that kind of stuff and so everybody's kind of taught or they learn something different if they learn anything at all about dating love and relationships as a child and so most men have no idea what your expectations are about what he should be doing in any kind of situation lots of guys don't know that they should be pursuing you they don't know that they should be stepping up and behaving in a masculine fashion there's a biological drive component to it however a lot of men have been shamed out of that and a lot of men don't know that they can do that they think that it's offensive they think that women hate it there's all kinds of things that are going on with men that if you want him to act a certain way one you can find it you can either find a guy that does these things naturally and normally which is kind of the ideal situation or if you really like a guy and you want him to kind of do a lot of those things you have to communicate to him what it is that those things are otherwise you're just going to end up getting angry and you're going to have all these expectations and you're going to feel really bad about it and he's not going to have any idea what it is that he's supposed to be doing and so like I said before another way you can do that is through framing and you can check out my love frames toolkit if you're interested in that so the next one is stop convincing men that you're perfect for each other this doesn't work it never never works I hear women doing it all the time they're like yeah maybe if I just tell him how much I love him or maybe if I just tell him that we're destined to be together or I prove to him and I show him this laundry list of different things that you know one we like seeing karaoke and number two you know our parents are you know great and number three you know you you know sleep on the left side of the bed and I sleep on the right side of the bed so we're perfect for each other getting a logical love isn't logical okay and and showing him a logical list of why you guys are good for each other doesn't work he has to feel it and the only way that he's going to feel it is if you're connecting to your heart and you're connecting with him and you're doing the things that I talk about in our system the system that I've put together here especially in the forever woman program about how to connect with a man and how to raise your value and how to create an environment where he really loves being around you and he values you and he makes you a priority in his life and he feels like you're an amazing special woman that he doesn't want to let go of so number I think this is number nine number nine is stop allowing men to walk all over you he won't respect you if you don't respect yourself and so this is something that a lot of women come to us with because women come to us not because they're having great relationships most women come to us because they're in a problem situation and they're trying to figure out how to set themselves up so that they're in a situation where they're feeling loved and valued and seen and appreciated and so a lot of women come to us and they're in these situations where they've been kind of emotionally mentally physically exhausted for days weeks months sometimes years or decades where they they haven't been really getting what they want in their relationships and a lot of times they're just they they they're trying to respect men so much they're trying to like they find this guy and they put him on a pedestal and they're like oh my god he's so amazing and then they let the guy walk all over him because they're scared of what's going to happen if they do something different so they don't end up setting boundaries they they don't end up kind of reflecting the fact that they love and appreciate and value themselves and so the guy doesn't end up feeling those things for her and he ends up taking her for granted and he ends up kind of walking all over her and it's just not a good situation and this happens with both men and women so I don't think it's just like a men do this to hurt women thing this happens on both sides and if you don't and it happens in regular friendships and regular non-romantic relationships as well it happens in negotiations it happens everywhere and so if you're not making sure that you're getting your needs met and that you have set boundaries that are important not just arbitrary boundaries but boundaries that are set up for very specific reasons then you you have a much higher probability chance of getting into the relationship that you want and having a man respect you and value you and prioritize you all right so number 11 is stop ignoring red flags so he's super awesome except for that big thing over there right like he's in a relationship or you know he does drugs or he just got out of jail or I don't know a million other things and and this this happens in our community all the time there was just a woman I think it was like last week who was talking about this guy that she met who got out of jail and it's it's one of those things you got to look at that stuff and sometimes it's not a bad situation sometimes it is and it's always that's one of the reasons why it's powerful to be a part of a community like ours because you can ask a question and women who are on the outside can look in and see what's going on with what's going on with you this is also a good reason to have a coach because we can look at what's going on in your situation and you're inside of it and you're having all these feelings and you really like this guy and there's all these things going on and you're missing these red flags that are right in front of your face and if you ignore those red flags then you'll only end up regretting it later on in the future all right so number 12 number 12 is stop being so unavailable that no man can ever have a relationship with you and so I we also get a lot of women that do this right so it's like you know they'd love to have a man in their life but it's like you know they've got work and they live in the middle of nowhere and they have all these things going on in their life and one of the things that we talk about is having a interesting and fulfilling life for yourself so that you don't rely on a man for your own happiness or for your own fulfillment or for your own well-being and he only comes and enhances your life and a lot of women kind of take that to the extreme and they end up having this situation where they have no room for a man to be there right they work all the time and then they're out all the time and they don't have space for a guy to show up and be in their life and they push guys away because they become more comfortable like that and if you ever want to be in a relationship a man you have to create space for a man to be there otherwise it's very unlikely that you'll end up in a relationship and so that was the 12 I'll just go over them again real quickly and when we get done here then I'm going to do some questions and answers so if you have any questions about your situation about what we've covered here just let me know and I'll go through the chat and see what everybody's talking about number one was stop allowing wounded men to take advantage of you two is stop sleeping around three is stop having sex with a guy without exclusivity four is stop moving in with men without a ring if you want marriage five is stop dating men who are in relationships or married six stop smothering men seven stop trying to nag and force a man to do what you want him to do was that I don't I don't know what number that was was that seven okay next one is stop placing expectations on men without communicating what they are next one is stop convincing men that you're perfect for each other emotional connection is the only way next one is stop allowing men to walk all over you the next one is stop ignoring red flags and the last one is stop being so unavailable that no man can ever have a real relationship with you and again if you're before we get into the Q&A if you're serious about getting into a committed lasting relationship where you feel loved and seen and cherished make sure that you go to the goddess community dot com and consider joining our community there it's really awesome and there's a lot of cool stuff that you get as being a part of our community all right so let's see what we have going on here so lots of hello's hello hello hello hello hello hello can you download the video from this I don't know what you're talking about Wendy says how do I get him to talk he only wants to talk about sex and only wants to see me for his needs well that tells you a lot about what's going on there Wendy if he only wants to talk about so I mean it basically so you need to make sure like I talked about earlier right you need to make sure that you are getting your needs met and so you need to set boundaries you need to set what the criteria is for you spending time with somebody your your time is your most valuable resource that you have and you don't get any more of it and so you have to make sure that you're only giving your time to men to people to situations that are worthy of you and so if you want something more than just a casual relationship with a man which is what it sounds like you want then you need to make sure that you aren't just getting into situations where you're only talking about sex where you're only going over at night where you're only doing things where you're hanging out and hooking up you need to set up a situation and create boundaries and create a relationship where you're getting more and if you're not getting those things you need to make sure that you're going out and talking to other men and creating abundance for yourself and getting into situations where you're experiencing that that way it's not like hey I have this one guy and there's this only my only hope is with this one guy and I have to make him love me and do the kind of relationship things that I want even though that's not what he wants clearly and he's showing you with his actions what it is that you want in the fastest way to raise your value and show that you're not going to put up with anything that's not worthy of you is to take your attention away that's the fastest most effective way to do this because all of a sudden he goes from getting all the sexual needs taken care of to all of a sudden it's gone and he's like whoa what happened and you're like hey these are the things that I need I need to be treated like a lady and like a person of value and I need to be prioritized and I want to have a real relationship and I want exclusivity and I want emotional connection and I want all these things right and if he's not willing to step up and start providing those things then you need to be able to walk away and go to somebody that is and if he decides that he wants to step up and do those things the only way that he's going to do that is if you pull away and create some space there for him to do those things otherwise it's not going to happen Florida Oregon Massachusetts yeah Wendy says he's back in my life after 14 years and I made the mistake and had sex with him the first night we met yeah that's definitely definitely a mistake definitely a mistake Alice says thanks you so much Matthew you're welcome Natasha says I made the mistake of not telling him until after two months and he left yeah that's why you got to start it at the beginning started at the beginning hi Matthew from Quebec Canada hey Lisa how you doing hope you're doing well lots of people getting it here yeah Jessica says she's guilty Liz says you have showed me to have more value in myself I'm glad because that is it's the number one thing the most important thing is to make sure that you feel that you have value in yourself and that you're raising yourself up and empowering yourself so that so that you're only putting up with relationships and men who see your value and where you experience somebody appreciating you and valuing you Natasha says you have shown me to love who I am awesome that's that sounds sounds amazing I'm glad I'm so glad so let's see here Wendy says I have been with this man for a little over a year never lied or cheated but he accuses me of how of both how do I get him to believe me well first thing that you need to do is look at so if he accuses you of lying and cheating the first thing that you need to do whenever somebody does that whenever somebody accuses you of that and it is a consistent thing that goes on over time the first thing you need to do is look to see if they are lying and cheating because what one of the big patterns that people have in relationships out there is projection and so if he's a liar and a cheater he's likely going to think that you are a liar and cheater as well because that's who he is and so that's what he feels and so he projects that onto you and he starts accusing you of those things so the first thing that you it's a red flag and the first thing that you need to do is look and see if he's a liar and a cheater and look at kind of all the evidence that's out there and make sure that he's not because there's a high probability chance that he is if he's accusing you of that and then you can go from there how how how is he going to believe you well he has to he has to trust you and that takes time especially if he's been wounded in the past and that's where that's coming from because sometimes it's not that he's a liar and a cheater it's that he's experienced a lot of women who are liars and cheaters and so it's up to him to kind of heal that and work through that and figure out what's going on with that and that's something that you can't necessarily do he has to facilitate that process for himself and he has to take a good look at what's going on with him and and figure that stuff out himself so simply says i'm having trouble leaving my emotionally unavailable boyfriend i have so much resentment yet it's difficult for me to leave him well what you want to do simply simply shanaid is that you you want to have kind of a wake-up call if you want to kind of put pressure on yourself she says i know we're not compatible but every time i leave i go through a lot of pain and end up getting back with him yeah i mean one of the things that you want to do is create a support network get out there hang out it depends on how you heal right so for a lot of people it's getting out there and getting other people in their life getting supportive people in their life finding other men that not necessarily that you're dating but that can be supportive of you finding women and and loved ones that can be supportive of you and taking a good look and and what there's this exercise that you can do and i think it's called like the benjamin franklin exercise everything's kind of like attributed to anything that's good that nobody knows where it came from they attribute it to ben franklin anyway there's a there's so maybe that's what i'm doing right now anyway there's a exercise out there and what you can do is you take a piece of paper and you draw a line down the middle of paper and on one side put what kind of pain or loss that you end up experiencing by staying in your situation and on the other side what you want to put is the pleasure or the pain or sorry the pleasure or the the benefits that you receive from getting out of the situation and then just list on the left side all of the negative things that come from staying with him right so things that are going to be negative are going to be one you're probably never going to have the kind of relationship that you want two you're never going to have a deep passionate emotional connection with a man three you're going to be stuck with a man's potential because he's not going to be living up to who he wants to be or who you think he could be because he's so stuck in being emotionally unavailable three you know it's going to be embarrassing 10 years from now when you've spent you know a whole bunch of time in a relationship that was going nowhere and all your friends and family are like you know like what are you doing and you feel like oh i'm such a failure because i spent all this time and anything that you can come up with it might not necessarily be that but anything that you can come up with that is pain from staying in your situation and anything that you can come up with that's pleasure or benefit from leaving the situation right like you're opening yourself up to more men you're creating a life where you feel like you're you're valued and you're loved and you're appreciated you're you're experiencing things that you wouldn't experience before because you're stuck in this negativity and an anger and resentment and you're opening yourself up to freedom and feeling alive and feeling beautiful and feeling and feeling life again you know and so you just want to go through those kinds of things and put those on a sheet of paper and then hang it up on your wall and every time you think about getting back together with him go over the list and really emotionalize the different things in the list until you're just like you know what yeah this sucks but it doesn't suck as bad as going back to that dude right because that sucks so yeah you want to associate him with pain and associate getting away from him with pleasure Dorita says I give up I thought that women was difficult but I think that men are more difficult to understand hey yeah I mean everything's difficult and I mean it's that's a really bad place to be and I get it I've been there and if you feel like you want to give up it's something that you want to go into right something that you want to experience fully that way you can get through it and get to the other side and get to a space where you can experience passion again where you can experience just feeling free and open and another thing that you might want to do is stop taking dating so seriously start having more fun with it and one of the things I talked about earlier is that love is fun right love is playful love is not serious love is this dance it's this emotion it's this energy it's this fun that you're having that's this play that you have back and forth and if you're getting too serious which is what's probably happening with you because you're giving up so you probably have some kind of goal or something or expectation around what it is that you want to have happened and that's not happening for you so you're feeling a lot of pain and misery and disappointment around that and you need to get rid of all that stuff and reconnect with yourself reconnect with the present moment and just experience fun and experience love and just experience yourself and and focus on just having a good time when you're dating or you're in a relationship or you're in a situation that way you're not getting too serious and you're not getting too angry and all that kind of stuff so let's see what else do we have here I tried giving up on him but he begged me to wait on him we never met yet how long should I wait you shouldn't wait at all if you haven't met a guy you definitely shouldn't wait on him for anything you should be out meeting other men you should be talking to other men you should be working on taking care of your needs right stop making it about this dude that you haven't even met yet you're not in a relationship you're not I mean you're hardly even I don't even I don't know what's going on between you and whoever but you're not in a relationship with him you need to go out and meet other people and talk to other people and make sure that you're getting your needs met stop making it about him start making the goal getting into the relationship that you actually want to have that way you end up getting into the relationship that you want to have and it stops being about these men this one man this one dude that you've never even met like pixie doll says when do we tell what we want well it it's something that you shouldn't be hiding first off and second off you should be making sure from the beginning that you're getting into situations that you want to be getting into so you shouldn't like I said earlier you shouldn't be sleeping with a guy unless you've had the exclusivity agreement unless he's made an agreement to exclusivity with you that way you're not getting yourself into a bad situation and it takes between three and six months for a man to really know for certain what he wants with you sometimes it's earlier but at the six month mark he definitively knows what it is that he wants with you and so by that point in time you guys should have definitely discussed all of this and if he's avoiding that conversation guys that are open to relationships guys that are open to marriage guys that are open to kids they're not afraid to talk about those things the guys that are afraid to talk about those things are guys that either don't want those things or who don't want those things with you and so it's better to get into a situation where you're having a conversation and communicating about those things and watching how he reacts and responds and how he behaves when you talk about those things because if he's into it and he's into it with you he'll be open about it and he'll be like yeah you know I definitely am interested in getting married you know if if the situation is right and I find a woman that I I really like and we're really compatible and and I think we're a good fit and I think that she'd be great as a mother I would love to have kids or get married or any of that kind of stuff and and so it's not a bad conversation to have necessarily anytime because if I mean it can come off a little strange if it's like one of the first things that you're you're talking about you know the first date should be just kind of this fun thing that you have where you're just connecting right but you also want to make sure that you're getting into a good situation and so it's a it's a conversation that you can have I don't see any problem with having it because if a guy is serious about wanting to get into that kind of relationship he's going to be open to talking about it so let's see Wendy says he confesses his love on video calls he could be I mean you haven't met this guy he could be a scammer Wendy I wouldn't trust that if he's that's a big red flag he's never met you and he's confessing his love he's that's a red flag it's a red flag Jessica says thank you Matt you're awesome well thank you I appreciate that I think you're awesome too Jackie says hello from Tennessee hello Jackie okay so simply Surnade says when I told me emotionally unavailable boyfriend he'll lose me for good one day he said he'll be happy so now I've been watching videos on yeah that's what you should be doing Kelly says thank you Matt for your videos and the goddess community it's truly changed my life and the woman I have become is because of the guidance you and the other coaches who are connected to you well you know what that's I love getting I love hearing stuff like that I love I love hearing about stuff like that and you know for those who are interested in joining our community over at the goddesscommunity.com just remember it's not all I mean a lot of it's about relationships and a lot of it's about connecting with men but it's also about making yourself feel better it's about empowering yourself it's about putting yourself in a situation that helps you it's about getting yourself around a support network of other women who are looking to lift you up who are looking to lift themselves up who are supportive it's about creating a life that you really love and it's more than just about relationships although I think in my opinion relationships are some of the most important things that we can work on in our lives I'm just very grateful to you Kelly for being here and saying that and I'm glad that we can help you and it's made such a great impact on you so Gloria says there is a thin line here when I'm falling for someone I go soft they love it when I'm constantly pushing away this gets old where is the happy medium yeah so you know they love it when you're pushing away this gets old you know that there's certain things that that are kind of things that you need to do right like it's it's one of those things one of the analogies that I give is like it's like if you if you go and eat let's say you you this is a horrible example but let's say you love McDonald's for whatever reason you love McDonald's and you go there every single day right over time it's going to be like uh you know I don't really care anymore could be a week could be a month you know but if you go away from it but it's something that you love and you come back to it and you eat it all of a sudden you're gonna be like oh my god it's so good and so you have to have periods where you're pulling back and you're you're creating space because it it it helps people see how valuable you are to their life and maybe McDonald's wasn't a good let's let's use ice cream or cherry pie or something you love cherry pie and you won't love it if you spend all your time eating it but if you only get it on on holidays or something like that all of a sudden it becomes this amazing treat that you get to have and maybe it's not as extreme especially with relationships as on holidays but you want to have some space you want to create some space and you want to pull back some and you know it can get old you know I guess I guess it depends on what it is that you're doing if you're if you're doing some kind of movement where you're pushing somebody away you know that can get old and it might be better to be in a situation with somebody where you're not doing that but we all kind of experience that like even with men with women like there's a lot of guys out there that say that one of their biggest frustrations is that women love bad boys right and it's like oh god you know every time I make fun of these girls or every time I'm sarcastic or every time I tease these girls they just love it so much and it's so annoying to me and I get that right and that's human biology and there's all kinds of things involved in that and and what I what I'd say is is find what works for you right because there's a whole bunch of different kind of techniques and and different strategies that you can do out there that kind of creates that space or kind of creates that push or that distance that that opens up a space for that person to come to you and appreciate you and what you need to do is find a place or a space where that makes sense for you a strategy that makes sense for you and maybe that's you know creating a life where you're doing other things and so you don't have time to be smothering or on top of somebody all the time and so it creates space naturally or maybe it's something where you you know depending on like what your attachment style is it could be something else depending it depends on what works for you and so my suggestion is to find what works for you and we give a lot of strategies about how to do that and my new program that I'm coming out with here pretty soon the forever woman talks a lot about those kinds of different strategies that you have so Liz says is aggressive sex okay or is that giving the okay to disrespect you no I think it's okay I think it's fine I I think it it's one of those things especially like when people have sex it's like all of a sudden this animal part of ourselves takes over this primal animal part takes over and it's like we become different human beings and we do this stuff and we're ah you know we're making all these faces and these moaning and these grunting and this ah you know and just all this crazy stuff is happening and then it's all of a sudden like boom you know we're normal people again it's like whoa you know I just that was crazy you know and it's it's like it's I don't think it's that big of a deal because the world of physical intimacy is a different world than the world of like regular life and so a lot of times that can be in this place where you're doing that and you're experiencing that and it's it's not really a um it's not really a big deal sorry I was just doing something it's not really a big deal that you're you're doing that during sex because it's it can be cut off it can be different it can be on a different level and so I wouldn't worry so much about that so Lizzie says hello Matt thanks for this I learn a lot you are you are absolutely welcome Wendy says thank you Matt you're welcome Jackie says I am new to having a coach this is very valuable to me awesome I'm glad this is very valuable to you welcome welcome so Sabah says hi how you doing thank you so much be there for us life is changed because I feel more happy and confident no I'm not worried anything at all thanks a lot God bless you okay so Damara says I have an issue with feeling guilty I broke up with him and now feel guilty because it's his birthday and he will be alone how do I handle this well you need to focus on other things that are going on in your life because if you broke up with him he needs to he needs to be a big boy and he needs to experience his life as a man and you know sometimes you got to be alone you know I just I've spent a lot of time in my life alone it's no big deal really and if it is a big deal for him he needs to have friends and he needs to have a life and he needs to have other people other than his ex-girlfriend to rely on for emotional support during his birthday that's how I think you should handle that if you're feeling guilty you need to refocus your attention somewhere else so that you can experience some kind of other emotion during that or experience the guiltiness feeling fully and let go of it and just send it out to the universe and allow the universe to take the guilt because you don't need it Rupa says hi Matt how are you there's no conversation discussion happening between us husband and wife how to involve him in our married life well I mean if there is absolutely no conversation or discussion going on between you guys it sounds like there's there's it sounds like there's something going on there and so you need to either talk about what's going on there or you need to see a therapist or you need to get a marriage counselor or something right to kind of maybe try having a conversation with them I don't know what's going on in your situation you're not giving me enough information to really know what's going on there so let's see what's the next one Pixie says when do we tell what we want yeah I think I already talked about that Judith says hi Matthew you're awesome thanks a lot watching you from Zambia thank you Hazel says should you ideally wait for a guy to tell you he loves you first even when you get the inkling that he might feel that way but is scared to say it just yet in case you don't feel the same so here's what you want to do here's what you want to do here and what you want to do is before you go out and just start saying that you love you that you love him which is a big conversation on both the men and women side there's a big debate about it in my opinion I think it's far less risky for a woman to say it than it is for a guy however I think that you should be careful about the situation that you're saying it in if if you know that if you are for absolute definite sure that he feels that way what you should do is you should have kind of a step ladder to saying it and so basically the first way that you're going to do this is by using the word love a lot right and so what you're going to do is you're going to talk about loving things loving time that you spend together just loving experiences and then you're going to switch it over to talking about attributes or traits that you love of his and so it's this progression that happens over time it could be days or weeks or months where you're talking about things that you love about him and if you want to do something that's really kind of sneaky and is kind of fun in my opinion I think it's fun I think it's a lot of fun and what it is is called force framing something I call force framing and and basically what you do is you frame certain things so you're saying even when I get the inkling that he might feel that way but is scared right so what's giving you that inkling and so this is what you're going to use for the force frame so if you get the inkling because he looks at you a certain way or he does certain things that make it feel like you know that he loves you what you want to do is you want to frame it that way right and you want to point it out to him and start saying it you know and basically a conversation like this might be go something like so he's like looking at you and you're like oh you're giving me that look again you know I know that look I keep seeing that on you and you'll be like what like what are you talking about and you'll be like I think you're falling for me right and so that's kind of the first frame is that you're falling for me and the second frame is a frame of being like oh yeah it's it's definite oh yeah you're totally you're so in love with me right now I can tell right and so this is you're framing his interaction with you maybe it's a look that he's giving you which is a easy one to do because you're it's like what look I don't know maybe I am looking at her like that right that's what he's going to be thinking like oh am I looking at her like I love her you know like oh yeah you know and at first he might even deny it or something but just keep doing it and be like yeah no no no it's okay no it's okay no it's it's totally cool no it's it's it's really cute you know like I know it's go ahead just just admit it it's cool no it's cool you know and you don't want to do it so much to the point where it becomes like this weird awkward conversation if he's kind of like denying it or whatever but you just want to do it and have fun with it and be playful with it and just be like oh yeah oh you're giving me that look again like you might as well just stop denying it because you keep looking at me like that right and you know eventually what you can do is just come out and and and if you're feeling it and you know he's feeling it and there's kind of this vibe even if there's resistance and he hasn't kind kind of even with what we've just talked about and the force framing he hasn't admitted to it then it's it's a lot easier to be like no no no it's cool because I love you too you know like and it's it's you know I think that it would bring us closer together to talk about it you know or whatever and so that can be a really powerful way to bring it up and without just dropping it like a bomb on top of them because it becomes this progression because if you're talking about loving things you know like oh I love I love it when we're spending time I love it I love it and I love it I love this and oh I love this about you right he's gonna get that word in his head and he's gonna be like I think she loves me right and it's gonna give him permission and it's gonna make him feel like he's allowed to start talking like that as well and that will kind of stair step into him saying it and then the force framing on top of that can be really really powerful I hope you I hope you get that so Olivia says I was scammed by a chat relationship yep happens all the time you gotta be you got to watch out for those chat relationships pixie doll says he's flying overseas to come see me for the first time he's staying at the hotel should I stay with him we talk every day and have a great connection maybe I mean if you're if you're willing if you feel like you're in the space where you're ready to get into a physical physically intimate sexual relationship with him then I don't see what the problem is as long as you are doing the things that we keep talking about here as long as you're doing what we're talking about Agnes says thank you very much you are doing an amazing job thank you I'm glad I'm glad that you feel that way Liz says thank you all right guys we just hit the hour so I'm gonna have to get going here so thank you everybody for being here it was it was great having this wonderful chat with you and lastly if you are really serious about getting into an amazing relationship where you feel valued and cherished and loved by the man that you're with then make sure you go over to the goddess community dot com and sign up and for and check it check out our community you can join for free and so check it out and so thank you so much for being here you are the best part of our community and I appreciate you and I appreciate you being here with us I appreciate everybody that's a number and that is giving us great feedback on the things that we're doing and are finding all the things that we've been talking about really valuable so thank you so much and I will speak with you again soon