 It is Christmas Eve and like all of you good people, the harrasses are busy making last-minute preparation. Let's see now. My presents are all wrapped. I have the wreath on the door, the holly in the windows and Phil, what are you doing? Sweeping out the fireplace. What for? So Santa won't get his suit sooty. I don't want no sloppy St. Nick around my house. Well, of course dear. And what time do you expect old Clyde? Clyde? Yes. Santa Clyde. I hope his wife is with him too. His wife? Yeah, Santa Myrtle. What's got men to you? I'm just talking your language. I overheard you telling the children a Christmas story this afternoon and everybody's name was either Myrtle or Clyde. Now you're just exaggerating. I am, huh? Wait a minute. Phyllis, Phyllis, come here a minute dear. What do you want, Mommy? Daddy was telling you his story this afternoon about Santa. What are the names of his reindeer? Dancer, Prince, your Donner Blitz and Myrtle, Rob and Clyde. Well that was very good dear, except you left one out. Which one? Irving. He's the little one on the end. Oh girls, doesn't the house look beautiful all decorated? Oh it looks wonderful, Mommy. But Mommy, Daddy, we want to ask you a favor. We'd like to stay up and see Santa Claus when he brings the presents tonight. Could we? Well, honey, well he has a lot of other stops to make and he might get here very late and then he... Oh can't we Daddy, please? Well, okay. Now you kids continue to behave yourselves and I promise that you'll see Santa. Now will you run along and play? Oh thanks Daddy. Oh gee Phyllis, I can hardly wait for tonight. Oh Phyll, Phyll, why did you promise the children that? Now if they don't see Santa they'll be very disappointed. But they'll see him. And just to make sure I'm going to dress up like Santa and come down that chimney. They won't be able to tell me from the real one. Daddy! Yes dear? Don't you dress up and make believe you're Santa like last year. Boy was that corny. Phyllis, I still can't figure out how they knew it was me last year. What did I do that was wrong? For one thing, you were supposed to come in singing jingle bells. I did. Yes I know but those lyrics, I can still hear them. Ham hocks and turnip greens, they melt right in your mouth. A candy jam's and a hominy grits. And that's what I like about the South. Yeah! You got more applause than I do. What's so wrong about those lyrics? That isn't the way we sing it up North. Well can I help it if you Yankees don't know the right words? Oh but Alice, I guess you're right. We're going to have to get somebody else to play Santa. I guess we will. And another thing, it's Christmas Eve. When are you going to get the tree? Oh I bought that this afternoon, it's at the market. I didn't have room in my car to carry it so I asked Willie to pick it up on his way over. We'll have the tree that I'm not worried about. But gee whiz honey, who are we going to get to play Santa Claus? Hey wait a minute Phil, I have an idea. Let's get Don Wilson to play Santa. Yeah, old fatso. He'll be great. Don is our man. I'll call him right now and see if he can come over tonight. Yeah you go call him, huh? That's well. Now the kids won't be disappointed. Santa will show up. Uh oh, that must be Willie with the tree. Hiya Curly. Well if it ain't France's the red nose reindeer. You can early go, huh? Merry Christmas, friendly. Merry Christmas Curly. I got a present for you. Here it is. Me? You got a present for little old Curly headed me. Yeah I got you a little. Oh Frankie that's sweet of you. I don't know what to say. What's all right Curly? But the thought. You don't know how I appreciate it. Well it touches me deeply and I... If you're going to get sloppy about it I'll take it back. Well don't stand there. Open it up. See what it is. Oh gee Frankie. Just what I wanted. Tissue paper. The present's under the paper. Here it is. Why it's a bottle. It's not just a bottle. It's imported champagne. You bought a bottle of champagne for me? And gee whiz. It's almost half full too. They didn't have any splits so I bought a magnum and siphoned it off. Where's Alice? Oh she's inside calling Don Wilson. See the kids want to see Santa Claus tonight so we asked Don to play it for us. Why are you getting Don Wilson to play Santa? Well what else am I going to do? Well let him stay up and see the real Santa Claus. Yeah but I don't know what time he's going to get... Can I have that again Herman? Why don't you let the kids see the real Santa Claus? Oh kid you better get some sleep now. So you're another one of those cynics huh? A wise guy who don't believe. You do? Of course. Just because you've never seen him don't mean he's not there. You must realize Curly there are some things in life that are inexplicable. There exist certain psychic phenomena that are ethereal and beyond the comprehension of we mere mortals. Don't you agree? Oh undoubtedly. Curly you can take my word for it the real guy will show up. I see him every Christmas. Remly tell me how come you see Santa Claus every Christmas and I don't? Well Curly I can best explain that by saying there are a lot of things I see that you don't. Yeah that I know but I'm talking about Christmas not New Year's Eve. Well all I gotta say is it's a good thing kids have more common sense and faith than some grown-ups. Or Christmas wouldn't be much fun. I know that tonight old Saint Nick and his reindeer will come flying through the sky. Yeah but do you mind if we have somebody stand in in case he's grounded by a heavy smog over LA? Alright Scott if you will infidel. Phil I just called Don Wilson and he can't make it. Merry Christmas Alice. Oh hello Frankie Merry Christmas. As I was saying Phil Don can't make it but he said he has a lot of active friends and he'll send one of them over. Oh darn it. None would have been perfect. Hey Alice it's none of my business but why hire a phony Santa Claus when the kids are going to see the real one? Well we just wanted to... What did he say Phil? Paying no attention to him honey he ain't been the same since he switched to yami yogurt. I don't understand you people you seem to have lost faith. You got the house decorated lights outside holly reeds in the windows and a beautiful Christmas... Wait a minute where's your Christmas tree? It's coming it's coming. Just take your time Willie's bringing it over and if you don't think that I have the Christmas spirit Remly. Will you see that tree? Oh it's a beauty. It better be. It is don't worry Remly it's about eight feet tall and it's nice and full and it's green and... Uh oh that must be Willie with the tree now. Come in. Hi ho everybody and a merry Christmas. Hi ho. Get a load of the vagabond liver. Well I got the tree. Good Willie I'll go out in the car and help you carry it in. Oh that won't be necessary I have it right here in one of these bags. In a...in a bag? Well how'd you get an eight foot tree in a bag? Oh I didn't get the eight foot one that was much too expensive so instead I purchased this two foot table model. How do you like it? Willie what kind of a color is that? Shocking pink. Isn't it lovely? Oh Willie a shocking pink Christmas tree isn't that a little peculiar? Oh on the contrary on the contrary dear. The man said that if you trim a shocking pink tree with cerise ornaments and chartreuse bulbs it will look positively scintillating. Well love it up. Oh what do you know? What do you think of it Phillip? I'll give you three seconds to get that shredded locks out of here. Brother how much trouble can you have? No tree and I'm worried about the guy Don Sendon to play Santa. Well Phillip if you want someone to play the part I should be only too happy to portray Christopher Kringle. Christopher? Well done are my blitzons. Fine Santa Claus you'd make up. I'd make an excellent one. I'm quite an actor you know. I can see myself popping out of the chimney bounding into the living room and saying ho ho ho and a merry Christmas to you little kitties. And what do you we darlings desire as a Yuletide memento? Thank you to Lulabacca. I'm sorry Willie we can't use you it won't work. Well if you don't want me to help I won't. I have to run along anyway I have to meet my girlfriend at the taxidermist. I hope they did a good job on her. Goodbye. Imagine that little squirt playing Santa Claus. Why he couldn't impress me if he came in here with a bag full of sponsors. Wouldn't that be beautiful? I hope that guy that Don Sendon over will make a good Santa. Stop worrying about your make-believe Santas. The real one will be here. Well we have to worry about getting a decent treat. Oh yeah come on look Remly we'll go over to the market and pick the one up that I ordered. Hey we'll be back soon Alice. Okay dear. Gee I hope the man Don is sending over looks the pot. If he doesn't the girls will think that... Mommy it's getting late. When is Santa gonna get here? Gee mommy do you think maybe he isn't coming? No no don't fret girls. Of course he's coming. So you better watch out. You better not cry. Better not pout I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town. He's making a list and checking it twice. Gonna find out who's naughty and nice. Santa Claus is coming to town. He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good for goodness sake. Oh you better watch out. You better not cry. Better not pout I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town. With a great big bag of presents. And you give them all away. He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good. Good for goodness sake. Oh you better watch out. You better not cry. Better not pout I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town. Now wait a minute the lights are still on. Now look there's Julius. Where? Right over there. He's rifling the cash register. He's counting the receipts. I'll get him to open it up. Hey Julius open up the door Julius. Come on we want to get in. Hey hurry it up will you kid. We can't wait all night. Come on kid open that door. I said open the door. We want a big tree. For Mr. Harris. And what time is the lynching? Julius don't be a smarty pants. Oh there's a jazzy piece of dialogue. Look kid I want to buy that big Christmas tree I saw here this afternoon. I don't like the one you saw Willie. Mr. Harris I'm disappointed. I saved that tree just for you. Shock and pink is your color. It matches your eyes. Oh there's a jazzy piece of dialogue. Look I want that big one I saw this afternoon. Okay come on in the back and I'll get it for you. Alright come on Remly you can help me. I'll wait here at the counter Curly. I thought it was a spin at piano. I was trying to play White Christmas. Remly. Now get away from there and help us carry this tree out to the car. Where is it Julius? Right here. Oh yeah that's the one. And thanks for saving it for me kid. That's okay. Merry Christmas Mr. Harris. Same to you. Oh Julius by the way drop over to the house a little later. We got a little present for you. Come over there huh. Alright now come on Remly let's take this tree home and get a trim. Yeah. That's the last ornament. Gee that tree looks pretty. It sure does. How do you like it Curly? Oh sure looks well but where's the guy that's going to play Santa Claus. He's supposed to be here by 10 and it's after 11 now and you... Frankie what have you got there? Milk and cookies for Santa Claus. I put them on the mantle for him every year. Milk and cookies. That old man's been working like a dog tonight. Let's leave him something more nourishing like a bear and a couple of pretzels. Don't be a funny drummer. I'll put the milk and cookies over the fireplace. Where are the kids Alice? They're upstairs waiting for Santa. Everybody's waiting. When's the guy going to show up? Be patient Curly. He's got a long trip from the North Pole. Besides his reindeer ain't as young as they used to be. Oh keep quiet. At least Don's friend can do us to get here on time. This subterfuge is also unnecessary. Uh oh that must be Santa now. I'll let him in. And I'll go with you honey. Well Merry Christmas Santa Claus. Merry Christmas and high up there'll be. Sandy what are you doing here? Well Don Wilson told me you were looking for somebody to play Santa Claus. He said you wanted someone with a round little belly that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly. Ho ho ho ho. Is my a bowl big enough? Yes yes in fact that's the biggest one I've seen since the Rose Bowl. Hey Andy that's quite a figure you got there. Yeah sexy ain't it. You know I think I look charming in this Santa Claus outfit. Charming he said. Where'd you get that messy red suit it's got spots all over it. I rented it. The Santa Claus that had it last year was a sloppy eater. I think you look ridiculous. Get a load of that white beard. Where'd you rent that moth eating thing. Well that I didn't rent. I was playing canasta with Monty Woolly and I wanted. Of course if you don't like me a Santa Claus. Play no attention to him Andy. I think you make a wonderful Santa Claus. And I do too. The girls will get a big kick out of this. I'll go call them. And Andy try to convince the children you're really Santa Claus. The children? Phil I thought I was doing this for your benefit. No Andy but gee wiz it's swell of you to play Santa Claus for my two kids. And I'd like to pay you for it. Oh no I don't want any money for this Phil. But if you want you can buy me a little something for Christmas. Like what? Oh anything Alice can afford. Okay Andy now it's up to you to make the kids think that you're Santa. This impersonation is preposterous. Santa Claus won't like this. Besides you'll never be able to fool a kid. Oh I don't know. With this costume and bag of toys over my shoulder I shouldn't have any trouble. No I don't think so either Andy but gee wiz it'd be awful if you don't fool them. If there was just some kid. Someone that we could try you out on just to see if you can fool. Mr. Harris wasn't. Julius that's just the kid we need. Hey come on in here Julius. Look Andy if you can fool this kid you can fool anybody. Oh don't worry Phil. I'll just sit here in this chair and you watch his face when he sees me. Okay Andy I certainly hope. You know what Mr. Harris? Way to go Mike. Don't you feel a little chilly? No why? You left your red flannels lying on the chair. Why not red flannels? Don't you recognize me sonny? You look familiar. Well I'll give you a hint. I'm that jolly old man with the white beard. Ho ho ho ho ho. Well if it ain't a bloated gabby haze. Look Gabby haze now look he's wearing a red suit and he's got a beard. What is he? A Bolshevik. Julius don't be silly. Don't you recognize sandy claws when you see them? This is sandy claws? That's right sonny I'm old saint Nick. They can't do this to us little kids. Oh shut up. Now sit on my lap and I'll tell you what. Tell me what you want for Christmas. Or I'll sit on your lap and break every bone in your precious bone. There goes a cute kid Santa. He has all the charm of a wet cigar. I told you you can't fool kids. Oh Remly that don't mean nothing. He's just a wise little guy besides he's older than my kids. When the girls come down they won't know the difference. Come along children. He's right in here. Well there he is. Gee, Santa Claus. Hello Santa. Merry Christmas and don't forget my new television series with Wild Bill Hickok. Starting soon. Find Santa Claus he's got to get a plug in. Well come here children and sit on my lap. Which one? You got three of them. Well sit on the one with the knees. How do you like old Santa? We like you fine Santa. But what happened to your voice? You have a cold? Yeah. You see they raised my rent at the North Pole and I had to move into a leaky e-glute. Well old Santa has to be going now. Here are your toys girls. Thank you Santa. Yeah thanks. Well I'll be singing next year. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. Up dancer, up prancer, up myrtle, Rob Clyde. You better come back Santa you forgot Irving. Well children what did you think of Santa Claus? I thought he was divine. I thought he was Andy. You mean you kids knew that it was Andy divine? Sure but we didn't want to say anything and hurt his feelings. Daddy when is the real Santa coming? Well look kids you see he... He'll be here soon Franky. Look kids he may get here too late so I'll tell you what. I'll tell you a Christmas story and then will you run off the bed? Well alright daddy but we wanted so much to see him. I know you did kids but well maybe next year. Now sit on my lap and I'll tell you a beautiful Christmas story. You ready? It was the night before Christmas and all through the house. Not a creature was stirring. Not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care. In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The children... I thought I heard sleigh bells. No. The children were nestled all snug in their beds while visions of sugar plums danced through their head. Alice what are those bells? What's this? Quiet Curly. Merry Christmas Santa. Franky who are you talking to? I don't see anybody. The kids do. Look at him. Gee Santa we knew you'd come. They couldn't fool us with any make believe Santa Claus. We were waiting just for you. Oh sure we've been very good girls. What a lovely dollhouse. Thank you. And all these things are for me. Can I open them now? Alright Santa we'll wait till morning. Thank you very much. And a merry Christmas to you too Santa. Of course we'll tell them. Merry Christmas and goodbye Santa Claus. Of course you didn't. He sure is a nice looking old man. Alice did you see him? I'm not sure if they're like... I almost thought I saw him standing by the fireplace. But Alice how could it be if he was standing there? Well so what are you staring at? The mantle. Alice the milk and cookies. They're gone. This is Phil. I want to thank Andy Devine for doing a wonderful job for us. Thanks Andy as always you were great. Ladies and gentlemen a few weeks ago I made a record called The Thing. And because you liked it it became a hit. And that was a big thrill for me. But it didn't compare with the thrill I got when The Thing gave us the idea for a thing for kids for Christmas. The Thing for Kids campaign to give needy children toys to make this Christmas real for them has been a huge success. And you've done it. You've made it possible for millions of children to wake up tomorrow morning to enjoy their happiest Christmas. And thank you for it. By giving generously you truly have made Christmas the Thing. And now on behalf of Alice and my children and my cast my writers my producer and my whole company let me wish you a very merry and rewarding Christmas. Merry Christmas everybody. This program was produced and directed by Paul Phillips included in today's cast with Andy Devine. Now head a hopper later TheatreGill presents David Copperfield on NBC.