 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan Astley of Jonathan Astley comm and I'm so excited to be doing this live Stream for you today our topic is he ready to commit the five surefire ways? You'll know All right really quickly before we get started today if you're brand new to my YouTube channel Please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you could be notified of new videos And if any time during this video the content resonates with you Please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms really quickly my coaching is what I call heart Centered radical honesty it's direct a little tough love and a lot of heart and occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence so and if an f-bomb or two are not your cup of tea I suggest logging off right now and lastly these are my thoughts my perceptions my opinions I am by no means suggesting this is the truth you have to decide the truth for yourself So my hope is that my content sparks something in you to expand your horizons in a new way And it's okay if you agree or don't agree with me All right Let's get into the topic about men and commitment and all that juicy stuff And now it's five surefire ways to know if he's ready to commit All right So let's face it out in the dating mating in the relating realm It is a mess out there especially for those of us in midlife and I call midlife After baby making years and before retirement so if you're between the ages of 42 and 69 that's the demographic I typically speak to and The reality within this demographic a Significant percentage of people are divorced in fact I would ensure to say that 75 plus percent of people are single looking for love in their 40s 50s and 60s are divorced Now why is that important to know because with divorce comes a lot of emotional baggage and Luggage and rubbish that comes with it in drama So we're already dealing with a huge demographic that oftentimes is struggling on an emotional level And this is why we see a proliferation of serial daters and we see a proliferation of Of players and and certainly people that are quite ambivalent to the dating process And this is true of men and women alike. Let me repeat that. This is true of men and women alike This isn't singular to men. I know most of my audience in fact I did a I went on a Google search and it looks like 93% of people that follow me are women But I'm here to say I know you oftentimes point the finger at men But let me just tell you something we men are pointing the finger at you too Well, not me personally, but a significant percentage of men point the finger at women, too So the reality is is this is a human thing that's going on and I'm talking about the frustration in the dating mating or relating realm Because the vast majority of the human population is suffering on the inside in some way shape or form centered around I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable and I'm not likable This is why I've shifted to more of a compassionate way of approaching this Versus the traditional rules-based way of dating the rules-based way of dating and let me just say this All the dating advice in the world Cannot help human beings if they haven't learned to communicate in a healthy grown-up way Let me repeat that all the dating advice in the world cannot help human beings If they haven't learned to communicate in a healthy grown-up way So I'm gonna in a few minutes lean into those five surefire ways to recognize men who are ready to commit And I'm here to say Emotionally stunted men and women Emotionally immature men and women women who are men and women who are struggling on the inside are Absolutely capable of being in a committed relationship So being in a committed relationship in and of itself doesn't mean that it's going to be juicy delicious and healthy Because people can commit to one another who are rather fucked up Emotionally so commitment in and of itself isn't the most important thing I'm here to say emotional maturity is the most important piece to recognize and when I share these five things you'll be able to lean into this with a lot more Understanding of what to look for if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg I'm gonna show this for everyone really quickly This is something I came up with a while back above the water line You can see the word attraction and in the tip of the iceberg is chemistry Below the water line is compatibility and you can see it says shared values blendable lifestyles emotional maturity The this is the far more important piece in relationship And as that as you start to check the boxes of shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity The water line of attraction begins to drop and you become more and more attracted to the person you're with Okay, so how can we tell somebody is really ready for commitment? And what are some of the signs especially coming from men? Well, I'm about to show you and I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses first And those you know me here is my notes Is he ready to commit the five ways to know for sure? so number one He's open to sharing his past with you He's open to sharing his past relationships with you in a healthy way Let me repeat that he's open to showing his past relationships to you in a healthy way and He expresses why he wants commitment. I'm gonna repeat that he expresses why he wants commitment So why is this such an important piece? In fact, this is the foundational piece of what I'm about to share today So, you know hold on to your seats because the vast majority of humans I want to say 80 percent of humans Who are single and actively in the dating mating and relating realm in midlife? Oftentimes point the finger at their ex partner or partners as being the problem in their relationship and they oftentimes hold deep resentments and deep Judgment about their partner they hold resentment and judgments about their partner and They still express that now. Why is this so important to know? Well, I remember I mentioned to you earlier that Emotionally unhealthy people emotionally stunted people can be in a committed relationship well, yes, so if someone begs on their ex partners or is Complains about their ex partners, especially when you hear the rhetoric, you know They were a narcissist and they ghosted and they were emotionally unavailable and that the other person was all at fault When a human being can take ownership in their part of their past Relationships and say I take ownership for my part of what went wrong in the relationship And I'm ready to both avoid doing the same thing again And I'm ready to actually lean into a fully committed relationship That is a great sign that someone is ready for commitment Now again, I said emotionally unhealthy people can be in commit committed Relationships, but that doesn't mean it's a healthy relationship. And as I said before roughly about 80% of this is just my anecdotal projections and This is true of men and let me share an example. I'm gonna share a personal example. I'm gonna share two examples I well, I've gone on many many dates with women who habitually throw their ex spouse or their ex boyfriend under the bus usually in the rhetoric of Narcissists they were all narcissists. They were all narcissists They throw that person under the bus as they as if they are this most pristine person that is above reproach What did Jesus say he with who without sin cast the first stone? The reality is is look at if you're if you're hearing rhetoric from men Or if we men hear it from women that it's all your ex partners fault That's a sure sign. You might be capable of commitment But I'm gonna tell you something you're probably not in a good place to be in a fully committed relationship Because if someone asked me Jonathan what happened in your your marriage, I would candidly say I Was very immature when I got married emotionally. I was very selfish at that time more focused on my career than being a good husband and that ultimately along with some things that she did Led to the end of our relationship and for a long time. I didn't want to get remarried after my divorce That's another thing a lot of people after divorce don't want to remarry And if I continue the sentence about myself I'm in a place now that I'd either like to live together or get married If somebody says something along those lines ladies men and women alike That's a surefire way to recognize that they're capable of Joint go going into a deep your healthier relationship. So that's number one They express their path past in a healthy way and they express they want commitment number two They have their act together. They have their act together. Their life isn't in chaos People whose lives in chaos don't have a foundation beneath them to actually sustain a fully committed relationship So if they're going through a contentious divorce if they're going through job issues, maybe they're going through some medical crises Maybe they're going through some mental health issues if someone's life is in chaos and the ground underneath them isn't solid then they might like I said every human being is Capable of being in a committed relationship, but I'm talking about a juicy delicious healthy relationship So the ground underneath them must be solid and it's not in chaos. That's not to say look at folks You all know if you follow me. I lost my 19 year old son Connor There's a picture of him right there is another picture with him when as a brother It's not to suggest that we aren't going to have chaotic things But I'm talking about chaos in the sense of self-induced chaos And a lot of self-induced chaos is usually a result of the ego Trying to be perfect or the ego trying to be better than other people or that chaos is oftentimes That ego causes the demise of all those things that happen the divorce the job issues and all those sort of things But I don't want to get into the ego too much here today So that's number two their life is in chaos or they have their life their act together Number three, this is a really interesting one that I came up with they surround themselves with other Couples who are in committed relationships. They surround themselves with People that are in committed relationships, and I'm talking about healthy juicy delicious committed relationship You know, I know a lot of people that don't have friends that are in committed relationships But I will tell you I surround myself from those with those people Because those are my role models those are the people I look to to get some support and some advice and when we surround ourselves With a community of really good people including people that are in a healthy committed Relationships that's a great sign that they're capable of being in commitment a lot of people who are loners a lot of people Who don't surround themselves with committed relationships oftentimes are suffering on the inside in some way And that's possibly not always a sign that they're not capable of going into deeper commitment or deeper Intimacy with someone and that's not an absolute. I'm just sharing that as a perspective Okay, so again, they surround themselves with good people in their lives Good support system which includes people that are also in committed relationships Okay, number four They understand healthy communication Particularly in the area of fighting fare. I repeat that they understand healthy communication Particularly in the area of fighting fare One of the fundamentals of emotional maturity is the capacity to listen to someone else's point of view Except another person's point of view as being true for them Because the reality is is relationships are going to have conflict. There's going to be relationships They're gonna have friction and conflict. There's going to be differences of opinion Ultimately what what puts two healthy people together is when you can listen to the other person's point of view and Accept that person's point of view as being true for them and vice versa. Yeah vice versa. In other words It's not about being right. It's about being happy Back to a friend of mine. That's a quote from a friend of mine Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy people who are? Capable of being in a fully committed relationship. It's not about being right It's about coming up with solutions with your partners when there's disagreements and sometimes you might have to resign yourself into We can agree to disagree But when you learn to fight fare you do all things with love and by the way That's what my coffee mug here says today do all things with love And that's what love would do and that's how love would respond When you actually listen to the other person's point of view and accepting them for being true for them and Number five. This is in particular to men He's romantic after he's gotten laid. Let me repeat that. He's romantic after he's gotten laid In other words after you know Typically so I have an opinion Romance should be reserved for when you're in a relationship not as a way to get into a Relationship, let me repeat that romance should be reserved for when you get into a relationship Or when you're in a relationship versus as a way to get into a relationship the stupid book the rules Trains women to expect excessive romance from men Because it temporarily makes you believe that they're into you, but I'm here to say True romance begins after you've been intimate with each other true romance begins once you start exploring the depths of a relationship That guy I was looking at my My friends girlfriends. I have a friend of mine who's been in a relationship for a little over 1415 months and I was looking at her Instagram page and I saw that she posted a picture of a teddy bear that she and it turns out she's Happens to be at the other end of the country at the moment or the yeah the country I should say and it was a surprise gift. He sent her a surprise gift of a teddy bear I mean that's when men do these surprise things to demonstrate romance That's a great sign That he's really he's capable of commitment and it truly is a sign that he genuinely cares and loves you It's those surprise Romantic gestures after we've gotten away So I know a lot of women complain men don't romance me anymore Well, that's because they used romance to get you in bed I'm here to say save the romance for once you're in a fully committed relationship Or at least that's what I invite everybody to do All right, so just to repeat those five surefire ways to know he wants commitments number one He's open to sharing his past relationships in a healthy way And he expresses why he wants a committed relationship Number two, he has his act together. He's not living in chaos Number three, he surrounds himself with others who are in committed relationship And he surrounds himself or he and she surround themselves with people At their community to support them. It's important to have community number four They understand healthy communication particularly in the area of fighting fair Which means listening to your partner's point of view and accepting it true to be true for them And lastly the romance starts after the sex and they are continually romantic That's a great sign that this man wants a fully committed relationship. Is he ready for commitment five surefire ways to know All right, that's the The content portion of our live stream today now We're gonna get ready for the Q&A which is the best part now If you're not familiar with my if you first off if you're listening to the audio portion of this or the podcast You won't be able to see the Q&A. This is for those who are on the live stream right now in the chat box There's a place where you can please write the word question and then post your question there after or Purchase a super sticker or super chat in the super chat You can post a question and by the way all the funds for the super stickers and super chats Which are at the bottom of the chat box goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley The one who passed away the scholarship fund is to help defray the cost of personal development for those in need And it includes me donating to the Hoffman process and insight seminars on a regular basis So all of your monies go to that so thank you so much purchase a super sticker And you please purchase a super sticker super chat is a way to say thank you to me as well I'd be appreciative of that. All right before we get into questions though I want to share something with you a little story and this centers around The wolf you feed the wolf you feed now some years ago. I went to go visit my sister and on her coffee table was this book The 101 lies men tell women the 101 lies men tell women and When I saw that and I started to read some of the things like 101 lies here. It is okay For example number one. I'll call you number two. I love you number three. You're the only one number four I've never felt this way about anyone else When I saw this book on her coffee table, I actually got rather Angry, I'll be candid with you not at her. I just got angry and I I took it from her and Wanted to read it because I look at books like that as ways to feed unhealthy unhealthy unhealthy Perceptions around men. Let me repeat that when these kind of books create unhealthy Perceptions around men and if you feed the wolf that men are bad, then you're going to continually attract Men that are bad. This is why I get Infuriated anytime I read comments on my on my channel centered around narcissism it seems like every woman in the planet has dated nothing but narcissists and Selfish behavior gas lighting, you know, love bombing bread crumbing all this stuff is all wrapped into narcissism And if someone is holding on to the energy that a man is bad or men are bad Then guess what's going to happen? You will not you will only see bad men It's like right now if I said yellow Volkswagen buff and you were driving all of a sudden You would just start seeing yellow Volkswagen bugs Okay, so and and here's the thing about narcissism, you know It's actually kind of infuriates me because I was watching a video from a doctor giving examples of narcissism Gaslighting basically which is which is taking something somebody said and turning it around and making their fault Well, guess what every human being does that I've done it. You've done it we've all gotten defensive before when we feel like our ego is challenged and it is a very egoic thing to turn it around or Ghosting as being narcissism. I've ghosted people before I've Gaslighted I've gotten defensive. I've loved grunt. I've breadcrumbs that doesn't make a person a narcissist the bottom line with narcissists as an example is they can absolutely can never Apologize for something that they've done done wrong and they lack genuine empathy But the signs of narcissism all the list you might see like the list of the 101 lies men tell you isn't necessarily Narcissism, but here's what I'm sharing this with you all folks If you focus on it, you'll just attract more of it So I invite you to focus on something else. I invite you to focus on the following It's raining good men. It's raining good men. It's raining good men. It's raining good men Here's the thing. Most men are good guys. They're just bad daters Most women are good human beings. They're just bad daters I know what I mean by bad daters is that they have weak Emotional skills or weak communication skills Just because women can vomit their emotions doesn't make them any better at communication I can tell you women are equally bad at communication skills just as men just women happen to vomit their emotions and women tend to want Committed relationships more than men so they oftentimes point the finger at men at being the problem And again, if you're pointing the finger at the other gender The gender that you want to be with Then all your and if then all you're going to attract is more unhealthy behavior in your life So my invitation is to shift the narrative starting with self-love Self-love my this is my book called what the heck is self-love anyway There's a link below to all my books that I recommend This is a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work because as I said earlier The number one emotional health issue people are facing is I'm not good enough I'm not lovable and I'm not likable and How we can shift that narrative is start to deeply love on ourselves and that's my invitation for everyone So thank you for allowing me to vent and rant about what I think is causing a lot of frustration for men and women out there All right, let's jump into the questions All right Gina post a question Question how long should I wait to bring up commitment? My relationship is moving slow, but smooth It's medium distance. I've known him for 16 weeks Well, I believe okay great question Gina I Believe it's important right before the penis ever goes inside the vagina That you express if you want to be in a fully committed relationship that you express that before you have sex Okay, that's number one number two I highly recommend before the penis goes in the vagina is you purchase two copies of the book eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman eight dates because this gives you an outline of how to explore a relationship together So that's number one now if if you're 16 weeks into a relationship I think it's important to have a conversation to determine if you're both on the same page What does commitment look like for you? Are we exploring a fully committed relationship that leads to either getting married or living together now for those who know me? They so I established my standard right from the get-go I'm looking for a relationship where we spend three or four days a night to week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interests spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal and our professional life Intimacy which includes emotional intimacy and physical intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married That's my standard That's what I tell women first second or third date and I say are we on the same page here? And I asked them what are they looking for in terms of commitment? So my invitation for you is to have a heartfelt conversation you by the way before you have sex Start reading this book together before you continue to have sex together by the way men Who care about you men who are emotionally healthy and men who want to commit a relationship with you will not have one problem? Reading this book with you only emotionally unhealthy men only men who avoid enough commitment We'll have who will give you pushback on that and you really want to be with that guy. That's up to you Great question there Gina. Thank you so much All right, Sal. Just purchased a super sticker. So let me share this with everybody All right, Sal. Thank you so much our question. I started a custody case. The process is so heavy I don't know how else to describe it. I would love to understand the heaviness What is your way of describing the heaviness and experience? hmm the heaviness Well, I think and I'm not sure this is what you mean a Custody case can be very Emotionally draining and when there's because you're in a battle custody. I mean it sounds like you're in a custody battle Which is emotionally draining? That's not necessarily the best time to start dating someone new when you're going through emotional heaviness and emotional weights That's not to say that you can't explore a relationship with someone But it's going to take a very patient person depending on how demanding this custody case is so I'm still trying to process your question because I'm not sure I'm qualified to answer this question. So That sounds to me it's more of an inner question You might want to explore with a therapist because ultimately you have to look inward now You may want to purchase the book the untethered soul by Michael singer the untethered soul by Michael singer This will help you tremendously with the weight associated with that and if you want to do a deep dive I mean I mean you may want to consider the course and miracles That's a way to really have deeper understanding, but that's ninja level work that takes years of work So I'm not sure I can help you with this one I think that's better for a therapist or a counselor than a dating a relationship coach But I really appreciate the super sticker. Thank you so much for that very much appreciated going to the Connor scholarship fund Sam says good explanation Jonathan loved it. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. All right, if we have questions post the word question Kelly wants to respond clean your energy. You're going through a process respect your process be patient What's up for you? What's for you will be for you great point Kelly. Thank you so much. Oh Sal, thank you so much. I'm so happy you appreciated that and I appreciate the super sticker. All right If we have a question post the word question Kelly says we all have issues, but how we go about the unconscious and consciously is what really matters Accepting nothing less than the best filter out people in your life. Love forgive be grateful always. Yes. Yes. Yes If you're not familiar with the book The four agreements the four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz The four agreements are always do your best be impeccable with your word Don't let the projection of others affect you and lastly don't make Assumptions the four agreements great book to read while you're going through this Sal. So thank you so much All right, if you have a question post the word question Bear with me everyone. Oh, here we go Let's go swimming. All right question if someone is vague about their divorce How much should I push asking why he called it quits and how much should I give them? How much time should I give them? You know, I just talked about this in my private group today By the way, there's a link to join my private group. It's called midlife love mastery for 20 bucks a month you can have direct access to me on a regular basis and any question you post in the group I shoot a personalized video just for you, but with this one You know, I'm a believer That when people are very vague about their past or they're hiding their past It's oftentimes they either in pain or in shame or they're hiding something I believe these days given the fact that we're meeting total strangers and we have no Degree of separation between people in other words, it's not like when we you know, think about this up until about 30 40 years ago most likely everybody Are 80% no 90% of people who got married Actually knew their partner in the town village or workplace. So they already had a history They already had their background check on the person. I Need to say we should do background checks on people and I'm talking about social media background checks I mean, maybe even police background checks I think it's important to find out about a person's past because you don't you when you're meeting a total stranger You have no idea how fucked up their past life is and while the catfishing or the scam artists are the Con artists are the exception. I certainly don't want to get con So I'm a believer of asking as many questions about the past Asking and if they're unwilling to give you answers You may have to second guess whether or not you want to be in relationship with them And I'm a big believer of meeting people's friends. That's right You have to meet people's friends early on the sooner the better Because that'll give you some insight into a person and if they don't have friends or their friends are elsewhere You know, that's a problematic thing and I'm here to say as your big brother Look at I look at I should I my coaching is your big brother if I could be there with a shotgun and Pointed at the guy and say what's your intentions with my little sister? I wish I could be there for you have to do that for yourself And that's why you have to be your own matchmaker and you might have to do some background checks on people But to answer your question I would probe and I would ask to meet their friends or family and if they're reluctant I might be reluctant dating someone if someone is reluctant to introduce me to their family and friends I might actually be very reluctant to date them But that's just me and I invite you to explore that for yourself. I hope I helped you with that question Janet Thank you so much Susan writes question what if you found out your date might have dementia what it oh wow What would That's a tough one Because that's That's a tough one If it well, it's one thing well isn't an assumption they have dimension or do they actually did they share with you that dementia? You know what I'm I'm gonna have to you know everybody but look at I'm a believer We do all things with love and I also believe I don't want to buy a fixer upper house And and that would require a deep amount of love To be able to support someone through a very difficult time. So I struggle with that one I probably wouldn't want to date someone who was going through dementia, but you have to decide that for yourself You know, we're all here. We're either here to heal someone else or someone else is here to heal us So you never know what might happen on that journey with that person. I Just know I would have a hard time with that But you have to decide that for yourself and and I'd like to hear what happens if you do so, please let me know Susan thank you so much for that question. I truly appreciate it alright Let's see. Let's go swimming Purchase a super sticker a super chat Question Dawn says oh wait. What do you think about this? Don it says what do you think about this, but I don't see anything so If you have a question post the word question then write the question thereafter. So it's easy for me to find folks otherwise, okay Denise writes Denise a Question how to detach from a guy. I'm dating other guys. I want to commit a relationship But still can't forget about the other person or this person Ah That's the $64,000 question. I mean how to detach. I mean How to detach? You know All right, so here's what I'm gonna suggest Write down everything what positive things did I learn about myself in this relationship? What positive things did I learn about myself in this relationship? What was good about this relationship and what are you most grateful for? So lean into gratitude now, that's probably going to make you more attached Which means you're probably suffering from attachment or a mago read these two books Attached by a mere Levine and Rachel Heller and getting the love you want by Harvelle Hendricks I promise you after reading these two books. You probably won't be attached much anymore. So read those two books Attached and getting the love you want by Harvelle Hendricks and that might help you Detach from this person and do the exercise that I recommended Denise. So thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it alright Susan says what makes you really happy in a relationship if you're asking me personally Fucking my brains out. That's one thing I'm exploring the depths of our consciousness. That's another thing spending time with family and friends. That's another thing Social activities hobbies mutual interests. That's another thing I'm Traveling together. That's another thing. These are all the things But what attracts me most to a woman is an inquisitive woman a woman who is curious about light She's curious about things. She asked questions. That's what sexy and turns me on So Susan if that was a personal question for me, that's my answer to that. So, thank you so much Sandra says the four agreements changed my life. I highly recommend it. I agree Alright Denise it goes back and says I've read both books and I'm still struggling You know what? I I'm not an expert at helping someone detach I think what helped me is I'm gonna tell you something here You may oh, I don't have it with. Oh, here it is Nope, I don't have it here. The course in miracles was something I did. It's a three-year deep dive It took me three years to do it every day for three years That was a way to help me become more and more connected to my higher self That was one thing you may want to do the Hoffman process That might be another thing you might want to do or you might want to read Codependent no more because there probably is some codependency there as well But that's not my area of expertise. I wish I could give you better advice I would see a counselor on that one. That's the other option as well So thank you so much for that question. I really have heard sharing a little bit more about that. Thank you so much The Anna says Jonathan tough questions tonight. Yeah, these are some well, they're not tough questions These are really great questions. I'm listen folks I'm I'm gonna say this I am by no means the expert upon experts I share my perceptions my opinions based on my experience so And and I'm and the reason why I refer so many books is because I'm not gonna sell you on some bullshit program To convince you to drop, you know $10,000 over a six-month period of time when I mean certainly my coaching is a big investment And it's very specialized to you but I'm not gonna sell you on all this stuff because a lot of this you've got to do on your own and for 180 bucks 15 books or wait a minute for you can buy 10 of the books I recommended at 15 bucks a piece for a hundred and fifty 200 bucks. You can change your life So that's that's why I don't know everything, but I share you my perceptions based on what I've learned. So thank you so much All right, oh Here's a question from we Jen What's the difference between red flags and deal breakers great question, you know another book I found irony Red flags how to know you're with dating a loser another shitty book and what I mean by that I I use these to come up with ideas for my content. So just so you know, okay Red flag. Let me give an example of a red flag red flag might be you're on a date and You notice the guy didn't give much of a tip Okay, maybe gave a low tip to the waitress or waiter That might be a red flag and I mean that might suggest that that person is cheap now It might suggest their cheap now a red flag in my mind means ask more questions So now if you're on a first date, I think it's rather inappropriate to ask someone why they gave a lower tip But let me tell you something I've sometimes felt like the person didn't deserve a tip a big tip because I thought the service was poor So a red flag simply means ask questions now use that example because that might be something that triggers you to think Oh that person's cheap. That's a deal breaker. No a red flag means ask questions about it A deal breaker might look like this. They're a smoker. That's a deal breaker to me I don't want to date someone who's a smoker. Okay They're raising babies. I'm I'm look at I've got grown children out. I don't want to be that That's a deal breaker for me deal breakers are your your absolutes Red flags are the things that you notice that says oh, maybe I should okay So dating someone who's cheap might be a deal breaker but the red flag until you actually know that they're cheap the red flag is the Question you ask it means okay. You might want to say oh, that's that's something that caught me off guard Let me find out more and I'm just using that as a crude example. What are the red flags? Oh, okay another great red flag Someone who complains about their ex okay to me That's a red flag now You might want to ask more questions and that will turn into a deal breaker to find out that they're still madly in Love with their ex the red flag is they're talking about their ex incessantly The question you want to follow up is have they heal from that because if they haven't that might be your deal breaker So we Jen, I hope that helps Understand the difference between a red flag and a deal breaker red flag simply means ask more questions Deal breakers are those things you know right off the bat Now I know a lot of people think of honesty Trustworthiness integrity as deal breakers, but those are things that you're going to find out right away Deal breakers are things that you can figure out very quickly in the beginning Now what's going to happen is you might find out that you're in a relationship that might have a deal breaker But I would eliminate I would first know what your standards are Right off the bat and then find out if they meet your standards because that's the early Indication that some things might be a deal breaker for you. Is that making sense we Jen? I hope it is okay That was a great question. Thank you so much for that one. I really appreciate it Ham says Jonathan, I think we all love the sex is the best part Exactly. All right Let's keep going here and We Jen says yes, it helps. I understand better now. Thank you. I appreciate that I Um, oh Susan says differences a deal breaker is something you can't ever accept reg flags or things You just keep an eye. That's it. That's kind of what I was saying, but exactly. Thank you so much Alright, oh, let's go swimming Let's go do you have any questions we have a bashful group, please purchase a super sticker super chat I'd really like to give out some donations To the insight seminar, so I'd really appreciate a super sticker super chat tonight By the way, I did post something Yesterday in my community page said if you have a personal question for me And I actually wrote down some of those personal questions that came up for me These were questions that you wanted to find out about Jonathan as late So I'll take a little time right now to share what was asked and my answers if you're interested. Are you interested? I hope so All right. Here's one of the questions Was Jonathan who's your favorite author and speakers? Who's your favorite author and speaker? All right one of my all-time well besides Besides me what the heck a self-love anyway just kidding one of my all-time favorite books is the untethered soul by Michael Singer the untethered soul by Michael Singer and the follow-up book you may want to check out is the Surrender experiment the surrender experiment folks When I lost Connor That broke my heart open in a way I can't even begin to describe to lose a child is Any parent knows that this is our greatest nightmare and We have to learn to accept that we are not in control of our lives We are not in control of our lives and we are not in control of our others lives things happen to us that we have to be able to learn to learn to accept and I realized that you know at the scheme of things what's most important is You know is to let go of all the bullshit This is why sometimes I scream at the top of my lungs when I'm shooting these videos because I witness people Doing more harm to themselves By sucking on the nipple of victim consciousness by suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself I am so I witnessed people in pain who don't love themselves and I wrote my book what the heck a self-love anyway as a tribute to Connor as well Fact chapter 5 is don't let anyone fuck with your chi that was that was based on him There's a picture of that's one of the last photographs he ever took And I love that photograph because he was in his element at that moment He had this capacity not to let people bother him if they disagreed with him He had this capacity to love himself and so I'm here to say I'm going back to my the book the surrender experiment. It's I'm truly here I truly recommend everybody reading this book to learn deeper acceptance for themselves so we can let go of all the bullshit all the bullshit that weighs us down and my favorite speakers Abraham Esther Hicks is one of my favorite speakers I've gotten to see in live. I love watching Wayne Dyer when he was When he was alive, I love Marianne Williamson if you're not familiar with the book return to love by Marianne Williamson Highly recommend her. I I love watching Barbara de Angelis. There's a picture of Barbara de Angelis I love Matt Khan m-a-t-t k-a-h-n Matt Khan k-a-h-n I love his work just to name a few Joy Kingsborough, I love her work Joy Kingsborough. I love her work So these are just some of my favorite speakers out there, so I hope you glean something from that Alright All right another question that came my way Jonathan do you like animals? Yes, I do. I love dogs I'm a big fan of dogs. I'm not a cat person. I'm a dog person. I just I just love the way they just Give you all kinds of love and kisses Uh someone said can you name your favorite beaches my beach redondo beach right there? I'm literally I can throw a baseball to the ocean from where I live What's your favorite meal? I love a good rib-eye steak What is your favorite type of music? I'm a big fan of Joe Jackson You can't get what you want so you know what you want Joe Jackson just to name a few I'm a big 80s fan So I love 80s music I do not like country country music and I will not lie and your other brothers can't deny when a girl walks in with the Itty bitty waste the round thing in your face you get sprung Anyway, all right What are the questions here? All right? If you have a personal question if you have a question ask me post it here I'll answer a few more personal questions Before we wrap up today We have a great group Denise says dogs give tons of oxytocin ain't that the truth Dog person here All right, let's see what we've got here We've got a bashful group today. We've got kind of a low. Oh, here we go We gin post. Thank you for the $5 super stick. I really appreciate that question any suggestions You would give me on how to find out when was their last relationship preventing putting myself to a potential rebound So one of the things I do great questions So one of the things I do in my private coaching by the way, there's if you want to schedule a discovery call There's a link to schedule a call with me to see if working with the coaches right for you one of the exercises I do with my clients is called radical honesty and what we do is we come up with 15 Critical questions to ask before the penis goes inside the vagina Before the penis goes inside the vagina Radical honesty, it's time to ask deeper questions rather than the stupid rules based way of dating and The attraction based way of dating. I'm all about vetting for emotional maturity So I believe one of the best questions to ask is what does commitment look like for you? Write that down. What does commitment look like for you? That's a great question to ask someone and And do you want a fully committed relationship that leads to either getting married or living together? Most guys are gonna say no. I just want something casual When someone knows only seeking casual while they might end up in a relationship I'm more about being intentional folks We don't have time to fuck around the the years ahead of us are much shorter than the years behind us if you're in your 50s, okay, most likely and Your juicy delicious years are much shorter in front of you than behind you So stop fucking around ask deeper questions and eliminate people that can't go deep at least that's my invitation Now listen, I'm not here to suggest you can't you're all welcome to have mediocre relationships You're all welcome to have codependent relationships. I don't care what kind of you're welcome to have casual relationships You're welcome to have friends with benefits your relationships. You're welcome to have situations ships. I'm here to suggest something deeper I'm here to suggest spiritual partnerships Spiritual partnerships Gary Zuckoff wrote a great book on this. I'm here to promote Partnership with people and if you want partnership then stop fucking around and ask better questions because Guys who are serious will lean into your questions and the guys who are not serious will run away But Jonathan, I'm afraid to share my truth because he's gonna run away Yes, that's what you want happen You want the wrong guys to run away and you want the right guys to come closer to coming back to my book Chapter 9 if it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right person so region Thank you for that question I hope I answered it by giving you some suggestions on how to approach it with radical honesty So thank you so much. By the way, if everyone agrees with me, can I get an amen? Do you agree with what I just shared? Please give me an amen or purchase a super sticker or super chat Thank you Elaine Alright, well looks like we have a bash. We have a small group today, so we don't have a lot of questions coming in so Region says you always make me laugh my ass off when you answer my questions. Thank you for the suggestions I'll keep swimming by following you. Thank you so much. I appreciate that Folks, you know what? It's Friday night. We've got a small group following us today I'm just grateful that I can share this content with you I just want to remind you is he ready for commitment? Look at emotionally unhealthy men are capable of commitment Emotionally healthy men here are five surefire ways to determine if he's ready for commitment number one He's open of sharing. He's open to sharing his past relationships in a healthy way And he expresses why he wants a committed relationship number two. He has his act together He's not living in chaos number three He surrounds himself with others who are in healthy committed relationships number four He understands healthy communication and knowing how to fight there and number five He's romance is he continues to romance you after sex if you're getting romance after sex There's a good chance. He's capable of commitment with you I hope you got a lot of value from this live stream today. I want to thank all those that purchased a super sticker or super chat Thank you so much Also, thank you for all the questions. I really appreciate that We're gonna wrap up today as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic job and bear hug itself love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a pet maybe a dog or cat Pet teddy bear or pillow give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love And let's face it we could all use more love in our lives I want to thank you so much and wishing you a super duper wonderful fantastic. We could give me a thumbs up and Share this video. Take care. Bye. Bye now