 The Anderson family, what's wrong with that dog, Mary? That isn't a dog, Oliver. It's Mr. Tuttle. We don't have to stand for noise like that. But Oliver, darling, he's going to give me a special deal on voice. If he comes in this house with that moose call, I'll put a waste paper basket over his head. You'll do no such thing. I'll try. Uh-oh, here we go again, folks. Let's visit the Anderson family. Well, this whole thing started some time ago with the advent of one J.J. Tuttle, a man of many parts who has moved into the Meister Garage. Among Mr. Tuttle's many accomplishments is that of teacher of voice. Mary Anderson and Junior are at the present moment discussing a problem with Homer Meister while waiting for Oliver to arrive home for dinner. Oliver should be home any time now, Homer. Well, I'll wait around a few minutes. I thought maybe I could get him to help me move some stuff out to the garage. Gee, Mama's fixed up swell, just like a regular house. And he'll give you some income, too, Homer. Well, no, Mary. No, it won't. You see, Marthe made the deal with this Tuttlefeller. And she's going to give him free rent and exchange for singing lessons. You mean Mrs. Meister is going to learn to sing? Yep, yep. Of course, I feel just like you do about it, Junior. Her voice ain't what it was when she was youngster. But I think it'll be a nice thing for her. She's always wanted to sing. Yep, yep. And I've been pretty lucky in breaking up the idea until this hog caller stuck his snoot in here. Oh, here's Oliver now. Hurry, dear. You have company. Oh, how long are they going to stay? Don't pay any attention to Oliver, Homer. Oh, me. No, I know him too well for that. Hi, Pop. Good evening, everybody. You eating with us, Homer? Well, now, uh. Mary, why did you tell Homer we had meat tonight? I didn't tell him. And how did he know it? Oh, now, wait a minute, Oliver. I don't want to stay at dinner. I just wanted to know if you'd help me a little bit after you eat. Help you do what? Well, fix up the garage. Why? What have you done now? Oh, I ain't done nothing. Martha and me are real happy, except for this singing teacher in the garage. What singing teacher? Mr. Tuttle Pop. Him? Well, I thought he was a big game hunter. Well, sure, Pop, he was, but brother's he been around. He knows everything. Well, all I know is there ain't nothing I can do about it. Well, I'm sure Oliver will help you a bit after dinner, Homer. Oh, gee, that's right, nice of you, Oliver. Well, I'll get on back. Tuttle's eating with us tonight, and I want to get to the table first. I don't know how this is going to work out to help me. Well, I'll be over later, Homer. Maybe I can think of something. You know, I'm kind of cut deep, Oliver. Are you? Of course, I know there ain't nothing romantic about it, but Marthe figures they, what she say, that was the cultural value of something. Cultural value, yeah. Oh, cultural value, that's it. Well, anyhow, she figures this were something. Oh, well, it'll work out, Homer. Oh, I sure hope so. You know, it's always a comfort to talk to you, Oliver. Well, I'll see you later. Pop, Mr. Meister feels bad. Well, it's his own fault. Why doesn't he pay a dollar a lesson and get Marthe out of the house for an afternoon? Oh, now what? Just relax, Senator. Yes? Oh, it's Mrs. Briggs. Mr. Tuttle's got gold cups for shooting and everything, Pop. Yes, I know Mrs. Briggs. I'm thinking of taking some vocal lessons myself. Oh, yes. Mr. Tuttle's very well known. I wish someone had moved into this neighborhood and teach cooking. Am I too young to take singing, Pop? Well, if it costs anything, you are. I'm glad you called, Mrs. Briggs. Yeah, I didn't know Mom was going to take singing, Pop. Neither did I. I don't think I'll make a career of it, Millison. Of course not. Well, I have to hurry, too. Yes, I will. Bye. Hey, are you serious about this singing thing, Mary? I thought I'd try it. As long as Marthe's going to take lessons, too. Well, Mama takes years of practice, so Mr. Tuttle says. Yeah, you should have started earlier, Mary. How do you mean, Oliver? Oh, well, nothing. But gee, you're almost reached your maturity there. Well, you have a family. But I'm not dedicating my life to serving meals and doing the washing for a career, am I? Pop, I think you better drop it. Yeah. You see anything wrong in my trying to better myself? Can't I have a little pleasure, too? Oh, of course, of course, of course. But how do you know this Tuttle knows anything about singing? I know he does. Here, look at this little folder. Yeah, he gave me some to pass out at school, too, Pop. Five cents a piece. Five cents. Cheap paper. J.J. Tuttle, internationally known instructor of the greats. How modest. Well, look at this paragraph, Pop. Now, don't point. I can read. Does housework interfere with your career? Learn to train for stage, screen, and radio in your spare time. Meet your opportunity when it arrives, from a neophyte to a neurotic in 12 lessons. Oh, isn't that awful? You're too cynical, Oliver. He teaches dramatics, too, Pop. I know, I know. Don't read over my shoulder. I can read. Train yourself under the guidance of this famous instructor. In personality, posture, proper breathing, proper stance, dramatics, voice, dancing, and staircase, buck and wing routines. Oh, now, wait, man. You'll hear no more about it. Dinner's ready, and probably after you eat, you'll change your mind. Gee, Mom's going to feel bad, Pop, if she can't take lessons. It's not taking lessons, Junior. It's who she takes them from. What does this Tuttle know about music? What's that, Junior? That's Mr. Tuttle now. He always does that before he sings. Huh? Now, you know why I don't want Mary to take this thing seriously? Would you like to hear six hours of that every day? Well, if it helped out any. It's no help to any of it. He'll hear you, Pop. I wish he would. Here's the door. Now, I'm looking for Homer. Homer is not here. Good heavens. Can't a man have a moment to himself? Uh, Mr. Tuttle, it's Pop and me. Yeah. Oh, yes, of course. Anderson. Yeah, Anderson. Well, well, step right in and accept me hospitality, such as it is, until I'm settled. Greetings, friend and neighbor. Thanks. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me. I hope you'll excuse me, Mr. Anderson. But you see, I'm to sing at the beekeepers convention this evening, and I must keep up mere resonance. You see, Pop, he really knows his stuff. Yeah. How are you going to keep warm in here? There's no gas. Gas? Oh, I was going to take that up with you. And since I've gotten to know you, I see you're every bit the fine fellow, every once as you are. Show Pop that tiger skin, Mr. Tuttle. That's quite a junior. You were saying, Tuttle. Oh, saying, oh, yes, of course. I realized that my services are far above the reach of the peasant trade, but I'm willing to accept Mrs. Anderson as a pupil in exchange for running a gas pipe from your hot water heater into my, uh, me little abode. Well, I don't think we could do that. Well, very well, it was merely a suggestion. I hate to be mercenary and mention a fee, but it would be the cheapest for Mrs. Anderson. Oh, it's Mr. Meister. Yep, yep, it's me. Hey, Tuttle, dinner's ready. Well, then we'd better run on, junior. I wish you'd have Mrs. Meister serve dinner a little sooner, Homer. I'm used to dining at six. Hey. Have her remember that. Hey, you, wait a minute, wait a minute. Yeah, I think we'd better go, Pop. Yeah, yeah, yeah, forget it, Homer, forget it. And let's forget that gas pipe business, too, Tuttle. I would suggest that you think this over, my friend. It's an opportunity which comes only once in a lifetime. I'll think it over, all right. And Pop, an opportunity. An opportunity for him to get free gas, I guess. Well, let's go home. Would be nice, though, Pop, if Mom learned to sing good. And then she could sing a church and everything. Oh, there's nothing wrong with learning to sing. I guess the trouble it entails is all. Look, Pop, isn't that Mr. Briggs turning in our house? Where? Oh, yeah. Hi, Briggs, what's on your mind? It's very important that I speak to you, Anderson. OK. I'll look you better scoot on in. I'll stay out here with him. He'll never go if he gets into that big chair. Yeah. You sure have him figured out, Pop. And there's something I want to talk to you about when you come in. OK. Well, Briggs, you're a lovely evening. I wish I could see the beauty in it. My whole world is crashing down around my ears, Anderson. It's probably just that derby hat's too big for you. Oh, what's wrong? It's, it's Billy's it. Oh, your wife, huh? I've been very lenient with her for years, Anderson. But I must call a halt sometime. Well, how does that concern me? Well, indirectly, your wife has caused this last outbreak at her part. Mary? Well, how do you mean? When Bartha told Millicent Mary was going to study voice, Millicent immediately decided that anything Mary could do, she could. Mary's only talking about it. Anderson, I've read my home with a firm hand. And I've always allowed Millicent certain privileges. Well, now look, Briggs, you're going out at the wrong way. Do like I do. Just merely state that the singing is out and make it stick. Never waver around. Just tell her that? Of course. Anderson, you solved my problem. I see a new horizon. That's a sunset. You have given me the encouragement I need. I see now where I've been weak. But now I'm strong. I'm the boss. I'll put my foot down once and for all. Would you like to come with me to my house? You always seem to know just what to say when the gory gets rough. Well, sure, I'll go over with you. Yes, I got to see. Didn't Millicent say where she was going, Briggs? She did not. And I'm very angry, Anderson. She's been gone at least three hours. Oh, well, still early. This must be she. Oh, I've a new bad, Anderson. Be firm now. I shall. Where have you been, darling? I do not feel that I have to report to you like a servant. Hello, Anderson. Hi, Mellie. Just a moment, Millicent. I feel that you owe me an explanation. Are you working, Shorty? I am. Good. And another thing, Millicent. Don't come, Free Baron. Don't be so provincial. Excuse me, Anderson, till I slip on something more comfortable. Sure, sure, sure. You did all right up until she left. Should I follow her? Well, just to the door, is all. Maybe we should wait till she comes back out. Well, look, now I'll run on. You have everything under control here. Just carry on as you have. Thank you for those kind words, Anderson. You have no idea how you've helped me. Oh, it'll come out all right. Hey, good night, Mellie. You'll join Mary? Anderson, it's too late. Oh, no, it isn't. Mary will listen to me. Oh, good. And by heavens, Millicent shall listen to me. This thing like a clown, Oliver. When I get through talking to that molting canary, I'll. Please, Oliver, he'll hear you. He'll hear me? I don't get it. What's that, Junior? Yes, dear. Junior's helping Mr. Toddle with the pipes. Pipes? What's wrong with them? I think this has gone far enough. I'm going to speak to that. Now, lift that burner up just to try me. It's heavy. It won't be for the moment now. Now, wait a minute. What's going on here? Just in time, would you mind grabbing that water heater like a nice fellow and lean it this way a bit? Yes, till I get this wrench on it. Here, take my in, Pop. My hands are Bob's broken. Hey, wait a minute. Who told you you could connect this gas pipe? My dear fellow, it is all thoroughly explained in paragraph three in my contract with Mrs. Anderson. Contract? Yes. Now be a good fellow and lift. Come on out. Don't stand around doing nothing. Huh? He's right, Pop. I saw the contract. To the Anderson family. Well, Mary Anderson has a contract with Mr. J.J. Tuttle, in which she receives four singing lessons a month in exchange for allowing Tuttle to pipe gas from the Anderson's hot water heater to his garage home. The job of connecting the pipe has been accomplished, and Oliver is still trying to talk Tuttle out of the deal. They're in Tuttle's garage house. Someday you'll thank me for this, Anderson. Great Scott, do you resent your wife being famous? Well, no. Do you resent her being the toast of a nation, with royalty groveling at her feet? No, I don't resent it, of course. Her name on every tongue, the music world claiming the new artiste. She wouldn't be that good. If she doesn't take lessons, she won't. Well, yes, that's right. Without lessons, you're depriving her of that opportunity. Well, I know, but I... Come now, Anderson, me boy. Be charitable. Help instead of hinder. Aid instead of scoff. And someday you and she hand in hand as the moon slowly rises over Manasura. Where is that? You will look deeply into her eyes and say, I wish old JJ were here. Look, now that's fine. But right now what I want to talk to you about is this. That double valve you put on that hot water heater sends all the hot water over here. I read you the clause whereby and to it, I was to receive gas and hot water in exchange for my services. Yeah, but I have to take a bath. Well, we can work that out all right. From night on you may have the exclusive use after my bath. But the tank only holds one tub of water. Is it my fault you put in a small heater? Oh, no. Do I have to suffer because you were so nearsighted you couldn't see things like this developing? I'm caught with my hot water down. In other words, yes. And now by your leave, I am very busy. Okay. The contract is a contract, but brother, I'm gonna get hot water. Oh, come now, Anderson, me boy. We'll become very fast friends in the future. I doubt it. In fact, I promise to bring this tiger skin over for Junior to look at. One of the, uh, pseudan species which I shot while hunting in the jungles. You shot it, huh? Oh, yes. How I remember that time. It was a moonlit night. Hard way. Yes, and me gun bearer stopped up short. He could sense something was wrong. Oh, so can I. But maybe Junior might enjoy it, huh? I'll see you later. Oh, yes. Later friend and neighbor. That's a phone. That guy never saw a tiger outside of a zoo. He wasn't fooling me with that moon over manor sewer. Oliver! Huh? What? Guess who it is. Don't make me tell you. Yeah, it's me, Homer. Yeah, that's what I thought. What's wrong? What's wrong? Well, I don't know. You know, I'm kind of sorry I let Martha go through with this thing. Yeah? Yeah, can't even read the paper. She's yodeling every minute. You're in it too far, huh? Uh, she sure is. I wish this viper never darkened my garage. I didn't think we were so happy. Oh, well, that's a way out. I'll find it somewhere. Yeah, sure hope so. You know, he's been down to the cafe too. Yes? Yeah, he's going to give singing lessons to Antonette Murphy, the little waitress down there. See, that's why you're upset, Antonette. Oh, no, sir, Oliver, no, sir. Now, there ain't no truth in it at all. We're just friends. Just friends, huh? Yep, yep. You know, she was just attracted to me as all. Yeah, I'm just that way with women, I guess. Yeah, but I hadn't been encouraging her. Sir, sir, sir, help me. Well, there you are. Free rent from Martha, free gas and water from us, and now free meals at the Gem Cafe. Yeah, we got to find some way to stop this sheep in Snake's clothing, Oliver. Don't worry. It's serious with me too, Homer. I'll think of something. Maybe we can get him to move over to Briggs' garage. Briggs? Holy mackerel, no, he'd be mad or no wet hen. I'd rather have Briggs mad at me than Tuttle. Well, you work it out some way. My heart's broke. Again, huh? Yeah, I guess I'll go down to the Gem Cafe and sit around a while. Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee. Oh, me, Antoinette understands my moods. Me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me. Pardon me, Mary, just a moment. Now, how long does this session last? I have just 20 minutes, yes. Now, run on and find something to do. Me-me-me-me-me-me-me. Where's Junior? In his room, I guess. Has this thing got you so upset you don't even know where your son is? He's in his room. Oh, what's grim? Well, you know, there's sudden interest in singing in the neighborhood. Yeah, even your mother is sold on it. Well, it'll wear off, Pop. Things like that don't last. They don't? Gee, no. It hadn't been for this Tuttle character. Well, you shouldn't look at it that way, Pop. Huh? Well, what I mean is, you're a swell guy but it's not like you to submerge yourself in depressing thoughts which might injure the feelings or cause a human being any anguish. Where did you read that? In a book. But you see, Pop, you're such a great character. Things like this singing business are just straws to be brushed aside. Brushed? How do you mean? Well, look at it this way. Don't sit on my model plane, Pop. Oh, oh, excuse me. You see, you and Mom have been so ideally suited so understanding for years that even I feel a serenity and understanding which shines through like a sunbeam through the fog. Look, you better bury that book, Junior. It's getting you. No, no, seriously, Pop. Well, there's good in everyone if you look for it. Oh, yeah, I guess there is. Yeah, and the bigger the man, the more good he finds. Well, you're partly right. And you could be so big, so far above this petty argument Mr. Tuttle. You mean I should let it go? Why, of course, Pop. He'll realize from your attitude that he's met his mental equal. Uh, wait a minute, young man. I don't know more than he does. No, no, look, Pop, it's the sugar that gets the flies, not the vinegar. That was in the book, too. Well, try the sugar way for a while. It'll work out. Well, I never thought of that. Sure. Now, go out and join Mother, Pop. Take an interest in her singing. Yeah. Maybe you're right. Sure, that's the stuff, Pop. Go on, I'm proud of you. Careful of that slug in there, Junior. You made me proud of you, Pop. Well, you can go. Gee, thanks. What am I thanking him for? Now, come sit down, dear. I'm all through with my vocalizing. It'll be nice and quiet. Well, I'm certainly glad to hear that. Wait a minute. What's that? That's Junior, Oliver. He's so anxious to develop his voice. Now, hold on here. If Tuttle gets hot water and gas for your lessons, what did you give away now? Nothing. Nothing at all, darling. He teaches Junior free in exchange for Junior passing out his folders at school. I won't have it. Please. Let's just calm down right this minute. He's a menace. Please, please, he'll hear you, Oliver. Who? Mr. Tuttle. He's coming over this evening. Over here? Now, please treat Mr. Tuttle with respect, dear. He's so kind to us. I hope you'll be nice to him. Me? Oh, sure. I love everybody, I guess. Thank you, my dear. My, my, how charming you look. Oh, oh, oh. Anderson's in here. Yes, yes. Mr. Anderson, good evening. Do yourself. Well, honey, do you want to sit down, Tuttle? Sit down? Well, yes. Yes, thank you. Here, have a cigar. A cigar. Thank you. Excuse me. Take this one. There you are. Take Mr. Tuttle's package, Oliver. No, no, no, no. It's just a little tiger skin. I promised the boy I'd bring over. Yes, it's one I shot while eating lunch on one of my dangerous treks into the jungle. Oh, Junior will be very interested, I'm sure. Kind of dusty, isn't it? I mean, the stripes run the wrong way. It's trying to improve our nature, eh? The wrong way? I had noticed it. Just thought I'd mention it at all. I thought maybe Junior could take this priceless skin to school and show it to all the pupils, and while they were discussing it, he could mention that I'm running a special juvenile class for a dollar a head. I mean, per child. Well, no, he's a bit young for that. Mm-hmm. Is this a moth hole? Moth hole? Where? Right there. Oh, there. Oh, no, no. That's where I shot him. Yes, yes, we always leave the hole, sort of the tradition with we jungle hunters. Uh, what's this tag on? Uh, tag? Uh, wait a minute, Tuttle, look, you didn't shoot this tiger. Well, I don't understand. You mean to contradict the great J.J. Tuttle? Contradict, look here, look at this tag. Synthetic animal skins. Cohen, Larson, and O'Brien. Brooklyn, New York. Oh, there must be a mistake. Oh, I mean, well, possibly... Look, now, this whole thing is phony, Tuttle, but you're a pretty nice guy. I call Tetris Ori, the vocal coach, who knows everybody, and he says you're phony. Wait, Henderson, I'll sue. I don't think so. Now, look, before they come back, I'll make a deal with you. Either you live in that garage and go to work and forget this singing racket and get me back my hot water, or I'll tell this all over the neighborhood. Well, now, what is it? Henderson, I hardly know what to say. I'm sorry, I'm entirely to blame. See, I wanted easy money and prestige. And you almost got jail. Now, I know all the some good in you, like Junior said, so you go get yourself a job and be a regular guy, and you'll be surprised how good it makes you feel. Now, it's up to you, Tuttle. Junior will be right here. Oh, why, Mr. Tuttle, are you ill? Yes, Mrs. Anderson. Unfortunately, it's a reoccurrence of jungle fever, which settles in the vocal cords. Oh, oh, that's terrible. Well, can I get you something? Oh, no, no, no, my dear, no, thank you. Only fresh air and a long rest will bring me around. Well, that's too bad. I'll help you over to your home, JJ. Thank you. Oh, dear, I'm so sorry. And it's so sudden. Tis-tis, it is the fortunes of life, my dear. We who pay the piper must play the fiddle. Oh, vice versa. Allow me to lean on you. Oh, oh, sure, sure. I shall be forced to cancel my future lessons, Mrs. Anderson. But perhaps at a later date. Oh, of course, when you're better. Yes, yes, yes, when I'm better. Good night. Is he going to be all right, Oliver? Oh, sure, don't worry. I'm just sorry you couldn't continue on with your singing. You know, Oliver, I think you're just grand about this whole thing. Well, as long as Briggs' wife and Martha have to give it up to, you won't mind. I'd planned on going through with my singing, but... So did the rest of the women. Poor Mr. Tuttle. How hurt he must be. Well, I can see where he would be. Now, about this hot water and gas. You'll not touch these things. I made a contract and I'll stick to it. But he broke the contract. It makes no difference. Poor fellow over there with no gas, no hot water. Me too. I don't have any. But can't you see, Oliver, it makes a fool of me. Why? Because it does. You're just happy that I can't go on. I'm not either. You didn't think I'd make good as a singer. Why, Mary? Well, all in noise. Yeah, Mary, he can't concentrate. I don't care. I'm hurt, Oliver. I planned on... I'm hurt too. I can't even take a bath yet. Uh-oh. Here we go again, folks. The Anderson family is written by Howard Swart, directed by Herb Lytton, and features Dick Lane as Oliver, Louise Arthur as Mary, Walter Tetley as Junior, and Herbert Rawlinson as Homer. Mr. Briggs is played by George Peroni and Mrs. Briggs by Jenny Johnson. J.J. Tuttle is played by Doug Young. Music by Gordon Kibbe, sound effects by Ray Erlenborn, and your announcer is Ken Peters. The Anderson family is a Hollywood broadcaster's production, transcribed from Hollywood.