 And with our welcome back to our podcast from the Kamasutra to 2020 we haven't done this in a while So I'm really delighted that here we are once again together answering questions And I'm going to go straight into the first question So this is from a young man and he says I'm not bisexual But I have a certain sexual relationship with my male best friend since teenage days Though that's only once in a while because we still we don't any longer stay in the same city When we meet we have the urge to get intimate sometimes we do and sometimes we control ourselves Also, whenever I get the urge to masturbate, I think of him and our intimate times. Just wanted to know is this normal? Absolutely normal. It's more than normal and I actually It's really brave of this young man to talk about it because what I would like to say to him is that most people and it doesn't matter old young wherever Have Experimented with somebody from the same sex who's close to them, you know, that's how we learn That's how we figure out because it's scary going straight through, you know an opposite sex like a girlfriend or boyfriend and The arousal or the excitement comes much younger when we might not be in relationships But the but the desire to experiment is there and at that time in most cases It might be a cousin a best friend And it turns out to be the same sex. So it's actually more than normal What you're talking about Everybody has experienced and you could actually do a survey on it and I'll come out to be true Yeah, literally, I think everybody experiences this at some point because I think also like you said when you have that first initial desire to experiment It's very scary because it's a taboo subject. Nobody's actually talked about it You don't know where those feelings are coming from all you know is that they're very powerful feelings And you turn towards somebody that you trust and who you're close to and That's just the easiest place to start the experimenting And if you think about it, you know, sometimes it happens you have questions You're you're wondering about certain things sometimes it happens uninhibited You might cut someone or you might see somebody changing in front of you when the arousal happens But like you said, the main thing is you know, this is safe You know that this person is not going to put you down or reject you or do it So and the pleasure is there because there's intimacy, you know, and we say that in Relationship we say that the pleasure will only be there when there's intimacy and there's intimacy in this relationship So it is actually really normal and very it happens very smoothly and automatically in some ways when it does happen I think I also would like to add that I know he says that he's not bisexual We hear a lot of young people saying that they've experimented with the same sex person. They're not bisexual They're not gay and it might well be the case that you're not bisexual or not gay But it could also be that you are bisexual. It's absolutely okay I think there's still a certain level of fear or discomfort in your own mind about Thinking that you might be slightly different. There is a certain amount of fear that still exists in people's minds So I just want to put it out there that Even if you discover in time that you are actually bisexual, that's okay, too There's nothing to be afraid of and actually when we look at the research especially there was you know, lots of research done in 1960s around this and what they found was that Most people believe they were heterosexual or homosexual and when they did the research It actually came out that majority of people were actually bisexual and being bisexual doesn't mean it means That you might be attracted to somebody you might have had a fantasy you might have a dream You might have thought of having sex and it's just that's where we are You know society has made these boxes of or you have to be heterosexual or you have to be homosexual But in reality human beings were meant to be somewhere in the middle They were meant to be bisexual And see my you will know more about this We know that the centuries people have engaged in sex with the same sex partner And a lot of them will identify as men who have sex with men This is a very popular tradition in South America in Africa and even in Asia Where it was a very common way of seeking pleasure and having sex with the same sex partners and we know about You know a lot of these traditions even to Greeks the ancient Roma and etc Everywhere so so there I think it's more with time and the homophobia that's taken over That it's actually made people like afraid about their own sexuality and their own desire But in reality, it's very normal to have this have these desires And I think that there are degrees of attraction that you can feel for other people You could be bisexual but be more attracted to a person of the opposite sex Or you could be bisexual and be more attracted to the person of the same sex as you Somebody actually wrote to me the other day saying I understand straight and understand me But I don't understand bisexual. What is this bisexual and it literally is like you said something that is coming more into our My upfront mind, you know, like we're thinking about it more people are talking about it more and If there is a certain amount of confusion around it, I understand it's not easy For people who come from very conservative backgrounds to suddenly sort of divert themselves and say, yeah, this is absolutely. Okay. It's fine But I just want to say that like with so many other things that you have found difficult to accept in the beginning as Time goes on you will understand this better and in the case of this young man who says that he still fantasizes about it and Masterbates to that memory, you know That's not unusual either because Whatever the memories are that excite you no matter how old they are if that was pleasurable It'll always be there to help you when you next pleasure yourself I was actually just going to say that, you know When we are masturbating we always go back to experiences that have been exciting that have been pleasurable that have been You know that have made us feel around and so this is the pleasure memory That's what you're going to go back to you're not going to go back to a bad sexual experience through a master wage You're going to go back to a good sexual experience and that's what it is And you know talking about when you were saying that it's more and more normal I actually feel very proud of the younger generations because I think the homophobia has reduced They are way more open to gender diversity and they're way more open To sexual diversity. So they don't go and say oh my god, you know, he's gay like that reaction I very rarely deal with the younger generation. So because they're not home that homophobic They're actually more open To trying to experiment to allowing themselves, you know, they feel attracted to say if a woman feels attracted to a woman She's she is willing to take that risk now. She's not suddenly think oh, you know, that's not okay I can't go and you know flirt with a woman because that's not okay They're now actually willing to go and flirt with a woman try a relationship with a woman Experiment sexually with the same partner So it's actually a really great time for young people because they are not actually holding themselves back And saying oh no, this is bad. I think they're allowing What gives them, you know, if they if they desire something and they think that there's pleasure there They're willing to take the risk and try it out. Which is wonderful, you know, it'll work sometimes It won't work sometimes, but at least you try it So in closing, I think what we're both saying is that no, um, nothing is wrong with you. Yes, you're absolutely normal And you wouldn't believe how many people actually go through exactly the same experience Not everyone is brave enough to come forward But hopefully you having asked this question will answer this for a lot of other people who haven't had the chance to ask us So I hope that you found that useful and I hope that you feel a lot more comforted having heard our answers And as always, please do comment like subscribe We look forward to hearing from you and we look forward to answering more of your questions. Thank you