 Item No. SCP-665-J Object Class Sweet Mother of Mercy is an Ever-Keter Special Containment Procedures A minimum of seven on-site staff members of Abrahamic faith must be present in SCP-665-J's containment chamber at all times. SCP-665-J must not come into contact with any living organism without the written permission of a Level 4 staff member. Weaponization and use of SCP-665-J in containment neutralization of Keter Class SCP items is under review by the O5 Council. Description SCP-665-J is a crab-stuffed mushroom entree produced by the Internal Foundation Catering Service Containment Cuisine for the 45th Annual Site-19 Foundation Formal. Roughly 42% of the 1,500 attendees consumed SCP-665-J and were subsequently affected by anomalous properties. SCP-665-J's effects started to become apparent approximately one hour after the conclusion of the main course, at which time event-goers began to complain of slight abdominal pain. By the second hour, many attendees were complaining of significant digestive distress and all restrooms in the immediate vicinity were filled with capacity with extended queues. By the third hour, medical, investigative, and plumbing personnel were being flown in from surrounding sites to aid in relief efforts. Those who have consumed SCP-665-J say that it has an odd, salty tinge to it, likely caused by an experimental salt substitute used in its creation. It has been theorized this substance is the root cause of SCP-665-J's anomalous properties, although food poisoning as a result of poor hygiene amongst culinary personnel has also been considered. All staff members affiliated with containment cuisine have been put into custody for interrogation purposes as well as the individual's own well-being. When consumed by a human subject, SCP-665-J triggers five stages of localized K-class scenarios within the subject's digestive system. In its initial stage, SCP-665-J causes a brief period of mild nausea followed by a sudden and urgent need to relieve oneself. However, the instant before the crucial moment of blessed release, SCP-665-J triggers a DK-class dominant shift, seizing control over the subject's nether regions and causing a massive shutdown of all the subject's bodily exits. The deep, carnal desire for release increases to the point that it becomes downright crippling. Subjects often experience shortness of breath, extreme jaw pain from the clenching of teeth, and mild bruising on hands for putting the rim of the toilet in a death grip. After 15 to 20 minutes of the subject's intestines experiencing a level of containment rivaling that of SCP-106 and involving substantially more screaming, the subject will experience a brief RK-class rapture scenario, feeling a relaxation of the lower muscles, a wave of elation, and a fleeting hope of the worst has passed. Following this, the gates of hell open up within the subject's intestines as Satan himself violates the subject's anal canal with a pickaxe. A sudden SK-class scorched earth scenario completely raises the interior lining of the afflictive digestive tract as unholy murder flame rages throughout in a demonic vortex with a temperature of roughly holy crap on a cupcake degrees Kelvin. Every happy memory, every recollection of peace, joy, or anything other than sheer tea-shattering agony is volcanically obliterated in a gastrointestinal supernova of biblical proportions. Subjects may experience blackouts or periods of lost time during this phase, their state of being reduced to a tear-blurred haze of torrential sweat, agonized whales, and desperate gas for air. This continues for the next two to three hours. It is common for subjects to briefly hallucinate during the stage, creating comforting mental scenarios in which they are violently murdered by various Keter-class SCP entities. Any last messages of hope are crushed in the tiny nubens as subjects undergo a SK-class total containment failure, finally expelling the contents of their bowels in a magnificent rip-tide that could best be compared to a single large leak in the Hoover Dam. An unfathomably vast expanse of liquid ejected at a fast rate enough to be upsetting, but not fast enough to be merciful. Subjects have described the experience as the digestive equivalent of one's life flashing before their eyes, with every meal eaten during an individual's lifetime excruciatingly funneled out in reverse chronological order. The downright baffling amounts of waste produced by the inflicted has led researchers to conclude that subjects' intestinal tracts are imbued with extradimensional or ectoentropic properties during this time. The ejected waste does not resemble good, wholesome fecal matter in the slightest. Rather, it is a… Rostoffal terrace slush that is properly corrosive and almost definitely radioactive. The expulsion stage is usually fairly brief, but an anomalous temporal field created by SCP-66.5-J causes subjects to perceive the experience as lasting roughly six lifetimes. As the subject's ability to endure the emotional and physical trauma of the end-of-days inferno raging within the tenderest parts inevitably fails, SCP-66.5-J will enter its final stage, a UK-class universal collapse scenario, in which the subject experiences one final crescendo of gastric ragnarok followed by a blessed, merciful state of unconsciousness. Subjects will awaken one to two hours later with full memory of their experience, however a number of afflicted individuals have reported finding themselves moved from one location to another during this period of time between passing out and regaining consciousness. One researcher testified to having found himself in a nearby field clean and fully dressed and laying atop a pile of 1986-time magazines with no memory of how he arrived there. Subjects who undergo SCP-66.5-J's effects often bear psychological trauma as a result of the event as well as residual intestinal discomfort for the following fortnight. Investigations are ongoing, group of interest involvement is being considered. Having experienced both childbirth and the effects of SCP-66.5-J, I can safely say that I would choose the former any day of the week. SCP-66.5-J is like having three babies at once, except they're all on fire. Also they're covered in thumbtacks and trying to eat you from the inside out, all while the midwife is beating you senseless with a crowbar and screaming in your ear to push. Dr. Wright I ordered the beef entree and therefore cannot give any first-hand account of SCP-66.5-J's effects. However, I can say with certainty that I've seen Keter-class containment breaches cause less pandemonium and widespread demoralization. It was, without a doubt, the second darkest night Site-19 is seen. This is my third body since the incident and I still don't feel like it's worked its way out of my system yet. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go try for a fourth, Dr. Wright. It's been three weeks I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever be able to stand up straight again. I have stared death in the face and he is garnished with parsley, Dr. Kondratki. Incident Log On April 26, 2007, a small quantity of SCP-66.5-J was fed to an as-of-then harmless Euclid-class SCP object by researchers. The object has since shown extreme hostility towards anything resembling human life. Additionally, a mysterious substance of unknown origin manifesting on the floor of the SCP's containment chamber has created the need for routine cleaning. Cross-exposure of SCP-66.5-J in any situation other than attempted neutralization has since been prohibited. Addendum Despite objections by the ethics committee, a meal of SCP-66.5-J was fed to SCP-682. With the apex of SCP-66.5-J's wrath, SCP-682 threw its hands in the air, screamed, Yogg-soth-thoth-take-me-now-and-will-only-left-in-mortal-coil. Neutralization deemed successful. Jesus wept, Dr. Clef.