 So they say good men don't exist well I'm really excited to what to have what I believe is a good man a man who represents high value most importantly I think he's a man that knows what he wants when it comes to relationship And I think men who know what they want have this one thing in common So I'm really excited to have Bradley Richardson in the house Bradley. Welcome Thanks for having me We talked about I've noted you for a long time so excited to finally speak with you and be on your show Well, you know you are a specialist in what's called a advanced adult thing particularly for those of us in midlife Can you give us your one thirty second or ten second elevator speech? Yeah, absolutely. The deal is I'm Advanced adult thing I hope grown-ass adults navigate midlife. That's really what it is there. I am Five-time author had a couple bestsellers that really helped navigate life and when I hit hit my fifties I realized that there's a lot of things that we're not really prepared for that We're expected to have our shit together by a certain age and whether it is relationships or Your career or anything my area of expertise is really in relationships And it can be dating relationships or divorce, but also your relationships with your friends or family And others in yourself is just the changing the changing nature of who you are in midlife Yeah, you know, it's interesting because And and I wanted to speak to a man because we you and I've been through We've been through marriages So we each have gone through a divorce I should say and we know what it's like being out in the single environment and since most of my audience is women I thought they could get the male perspective I would say midlife and tell me how you feel about this midlife is just different because In our 20s and 30s, and I'm sure this was the same for you You were raised as Go to college get a job meet a girl get married buy a house start a family, right? And of course our role was to be that provider protector And I don't know if this was the same for you, but I had no clue how to be a husband What I was when I got married in my 20s No, I mean, I think a lot of people don't look. I mean, it'd be great if we all and I don't know anything about how you were raised Or any of the people here, but you know This idea that we were raised by June and word cleaver and the nuclear family That's perfect and everybody sings kumbaya and you know mom is bullshit And the fact of the matter is much of your gen X like we are I mean, you know, come on. I mean if you want to go with a whole generational thing You're a bunch of latchkey kids that did this I mean, yeah, there's some people I know that that are fortunate enough to have a fantastic upbringing But um, you know, my my parents ended up getting my parents did it the way most of our Parents generation did damn it. We're married. We're gonna stay miserable for as long as it could be and when the kids are grown We're out And that's okay Oh, yeah, I mean So and that was the whole thing is you're gonna stay married and you're gonna endure it and suck it up Because that's what you do and you're not quitters, but when the kids aren't looking we're out Now why I say that is because um, just what you said this idea of a role model No, we didn't have role models for shit. I mean so so especially as a man you come up and it's and then you know, there's a whole other sociological things that of Masculinity and all of that to deal with but you're right. There's not a lot of great role modeling for For men and women out there, but especially for a lot of men out there And so you find yourself doing as you said what we should do and yeah, we wing it sometimes to a bearing degree Yeah, yeah So it's interesting you say wing it because what I've observed from men and and tell me what you've observed as well Is that we go through this experience called the divorce and and it's really an unraveling Of the tapestry of a life we created with another human being and for some men They're like, oh, I get to play I get to buy the you know the sports car and I get to date the One that's 20 years younger and because I got a lot of dough I can do whatever I want and then there's a lot you had a lot of dough you had a lot of dough You gave half it away. Yeah, I got wiped out in the market crash. So I know what that's like So so what's interesting and then there's a lot of men who are just lost they're clueless They're they're hurt. They're wounded and god forbid they've had multiple relationships They can be rather clueless and so kind of leads into Let's let's and if you agree, you know a man who's ready to commit Has a few things in common. Would you agree? Yeah, I mean with other So like what's one thing What's one thing off the bat you think men who are ready to commit having common They have a really solid sense of self. I think that that's parents You know, they have they have to have a sense of self and that's not talking the ego It's just like hey, you know, look One of the things I say to the folks I work with with advanced adulting is by the time we hit a certain age We're all used car We really are I mean, you know, we've we got a few scrapes and dings and miles and everything on us and and so You're not perfect But the idea is If you are self-aware enough To reflect and that doesn't necessarily mean go into coast or we can hang out with spider monkeys and go You know becoming all woo, but if you can actually Take a look inwards and see What um, how did you get to this point? Okay, what what what right what lessons can you bring forward? What um, what do you want to leave behind? And this is for men and women What how are you culpable in this? Oh, it's your responsibility and that's the perfect, you know, everybody No one likes to look at because you know what? He's an a-hole. She's a bitch. They did me wrong. Okay, great. They might be But where were you in all of this? Okay, and when we start in that to your question The thing that's in common the number one thing that I think all of them have in common is they Took a real hard look in the mirror and said, hey, you know what? Wasn't great. I'm not perfect, but here it is and I'm willing to work on it That right there, you know, doesn't matter what it is Oh, you know, I want to piggyback on that for a second because I'm in full agreement taking ownership For your part. So you're you're a woman. You're seeking a man who's self aware What do you think would be a good first question? And when I say first question I mean after a bit of rapport building and that sort of thing, but like a really good Question and I almost mean it as a test. Okay That kind of gives you a clue that this guy Is self aware like what what what would you recommend to a woman? It's really funny because I mean that you that you you talked about the what to ask because That that's a big focus of mine right now with with a lot of my clients And in fact a program that I've got on that about being real Find out if someone is real and we'll talk about what specific questions in a second But I think it's the intent and we have to understand why because so many people Um Men and women, um, so many people in their life come in right now and we're on autopilot, you know, we've we've Paid our dues, you know, you're in your 40s 50s. Whatever. It's like dammit. You know, I wasted enough time I don't have a lot of time now and I don't want to kiss a lot of frogs. So let's get to it. And so, um We feel that we ask questions that give us information, but don't allow us to know them and you know I've written a bunch. I've been doing this for you know, game, you know, 30 years, but for a decade I was a head an executive recruiter and I was very good at place. I placed high-end executives CEOs and CFM And there's so many parallels between Uh finding a job or interviewing and dating because you're really trying to just peel back the layers You're trying you know, no one gets married after a first date unless you're drunk or in vegas And um, you you don't hire somebody after one interview. And so it's the idea of Can you get someone off autopilot in real and that is such an important thing What I'm a big fan of is I you know, if you said there's one question to see if they're self-aware There's not really but what you can do and see if they can get them off center and asking for follow-ups And and dig deeper with that, but we take so much on face value Oh, you have a sister you like tacos. This is what you do for a living and you never find out What made you choose that? Why why did that happen? And so by asking these follow-ups rather than giving a monologue or a presentation You can actually learn more about that person and see if they've even thought about it and say can they communicate? That's the big thing You know, it's interesting not that we have Parallel professions, but there's I used to be in corporate insurance and What I teach is all about discernment and I call it pre-qualifying your prospect. Okay So in essence, I mean, there's such a similarity to recruiting But when I was when it when prospective clients were interviewing me I was actually interviewing them because I wanted to learn who was the buyer and who was the liar Is a kind of a sales terminology And and to really determine were they really legitimately interested in one I had to offer or were they just using me And so I've applied that technique into my practice and and to the extent you you know that one question Of course, there isn't one question. I wanted to kind of lay that out there right where where we were going is that Is really taking a step back whether you're a man or woman and being objective Because I suspect you would agree with this that Chemistry is a completely misleading indicator of relationship success Oh my god, you know, it's funny you mentioned that because I was thinking about that the other day. You're right. I mean we We accelerate things your our expectations and our time frames are so accelerated And you mentioned that about it's the the that the chemistry but you have to have chemistry. Absolutely But um, well, so many people forget is to get caught up in in that and when you're young and when you're young You know stupid and drunk in your 20s. Okay, you don't think about that. You're just burning through. Yeah. Yeah But yeah, but but later, you know, I think about this Okay, so we deal with people in the same same generation same age range. Okay. Maybe nine and a half weeks You know with with uh, Kim basketball Oh god, yeah. Yeah, Mickey Rourke. Yeah, but back in Mickey Rourke was good looking and you know, so So many, you know grand there's a lot of dark twisted shit with that. But the point is you know We we look at so many things like a sparkler and I can't tell you how many people I work with and I'm sure you do too It was like, oh, it was great. It was wonderful. It was chemistry. We clicked all this Yeah for two weeks because here's the deal anybody be a rock star for two weeks And um, you know, it's not until after a period of time when like a sparkler, you know those things of fourth July, I mean the 2000 degrees of awesome bright hotness that just goes boom and it's done And we don't look at that because we are like damn it. I'm Older and I don't have time to waste and I you know, I messed up with all these other folks. So let's get to it You know, and I think that's the deal is we don't we don't take time to really Pursue probe and get to know We'll look up to that You know, it's interesting and I suspect you've heard this in your practice because I've heard it More times than I can count It always seems to be the same narrative. Oh my god, you're so amazing. You're so wonderful I see us getting married. I see us taking trips together. You're unlike any other woman. Oh my god You're the first woman I ever felt this way and and and by the way women say do the same thing too It's just a different of course they do But it fascinates me that I mean I've heard it not once not ten times not a hundred times but a thousand times the same thing So that tells us That you know, obviously chemistry is a misleading component of relationship success and yet let's face it We want it too. You know like we want Yeah, it's a component. I mean it's it's a necessary component, but here's the thing It's not like, you know, it's like if you're gonna make a cake you need multiple ingredients It's not like, hey, you know what I've got eggs and flour. I'm good to go No, I mean you need more you need more than that And I think that the piece that people miss And this is what I found in my work, right? Yes, you have to have the chemistry But there also has to have to be the connection and what's so funny is so many people I talk to Because my my clientele is similar to yours. It's largely largely women, you know, it's mixed But I mean largely women and I hear so often. Oh, I just want a relationship. I just want a person I just want this Do you do do you or do you just want a connection? That's it. Yeah, and you know, there's so many it's it's so multifaceted, but they mistake Chemistry for connection, you know, and both are really important, but they they Misunderstand which is which on that And you know, it's when you mention this about the the thing I want one quick thing So I had someone someone reach out to me last week a client of mine And um, she'd reached out really about two months ago and it was a a guy who I should just imagine You know, she calls me up and says, oh, it's just fantastic and he's amazing and he's this and she's you know You can tell she's just like and she she told me about him and I just done this and been around enough to know something's off And she goes, oh, he's just he said the same thing. Oh, I've never felt this way And he came in to see me and he wrote me a song and all of this and I go I'm about to throw up And I said I said, you know, he's a love bomb the shithead. You know, how long does it spend a week and a half It's been a week and a half and he said and I'm like Okay, well, let me let me tell you Let me tell you this is gonna work. Okay. I hope it works for you. I really do I don't want to completely rain on your brain Just, you know, let me guess sure enough. She calls me up two weeks later. Go you won't believe this You're exactly right. He's this and he's seeing three other women and he's this Okay, you know, it's funny She want to see it It's funny as you share this because I think of how many times I have a dear friend named Tammy Who I met almost 20 years ago on a dating app and we just become really dear friends with each other I mean, we know every story every experience and she reached it's got to the point where I'd call her Oh my god, I met the most amazing woman. It was so wonderful blah, blah, blah, blah And I hadn't even met her yet And then for whatever reason it never even turned into a date I mean, this was like a telephone call. That was amazing And and so Yeah, you know what I mean Yeah, I think that's the whole thing made real and you actually have gone out with her five times Or at least once Jesus, I mean, I think the problem there's such a problem with social media with the apps and all of that because there's so many people we're so Reluctant to have a real conversation to actually pick up the damn phone or get on a zoom call or FaceTime or god forbid You actually go meet somebody out That people will spend a You know a seeming eternity They'll spend two weeks or a month before you know just texting back and forth and not even actually hearing the other person's voice Ever speaking or meeting and they'll have a whole life cycle of relationship before they meet somebody and then it's done And they'll get his topic is well, I just never heard from again that goes to me. Well, they didn't ghost you They just you know ran out of juice So We have these false expectations. It's weird. Yeah, you know, um ester perel who wrote the book mating and captivity Did a ted I think it was a ted talker was just a video on artificial intimacy and that is this Intimacy that's created in this in this, you know vacuum if you will So I want to but I want to go down a different rabbit hole for a moment. So So, um, you're a man who's a are you a baby boomer or a gen xer? You're gen x, right? I'm gen x how I I got my start. I actually wrote baby boomer. So Um, okay. Yeah, you're a little older than me. Yeah, but I'm slightly older Okay, you've been through a divorce You're a coach And you are in a relationship with someone. So um, so do you mind me? You aren't prepared for this, but I'm gonna throw it out there Um, so a uh, how how how long have you been in a relationship? Almost three years Three years and where did you two meet? bumble Bumble, okay. Hey bumble. So it's a dating app and do you two live together? We do Okay, you live together. Um so so you um Well, I was gonna say when you're gonna have first sex, but I'm not gonna get I'm not gonna put that one on you yet Don't ask that I'm saving myself No, I got Okay, so what made okay, what made you let's bring it back to this topic You know all men who men high value men have this in common when they're gonna commit and everything like that. Um What made you commit? Um There's so many things. I mean that that's just it because here's the deal My path is probably different than a lot of well it isn't isn't a lot of it. Okay, but um You know I think Very few people come to the scene fully formed Okay, yeah, I mean you can read you can read all you want You can watch every youtube video out there until you go out there and play with live ammo you know and um You don't know what you're doing And I think that that is an important part of of seeing all aspects of it And you know, I I talked to a lot of people who you know I someone says the other day. It's like god, it would be so great, you know, it was stuff I mean how like you said that about me of you know, the You know, they they became angry at someone. I was like, you know what I see this cute little couple over there And they just met at church or they met out organically and it was awesome and look at them now and they're having fun Well, okay, that'd be great But it really didn't always happen that way because you have to go to the dance and you have to you're gonna screw it up And sometimes you're gonna get your heart broken Sometimes you're gonna be the the one who's done it and like I said, I mean I've I've been a good man I've been an asshole. I've done both And I think that you have to experience that And you have to experience the high and the low and the good and the bad and figure out What works for you? What doesn't work for you? What how you work? And how you don't and it goes back to what I said earlier, you know That number one that number one thing is if you're self aware enough You know, are you perfect? No, do I screw it up occasionally? Yes, I do. Okay, everyone does But if you at least have the understanding of hey, I got to this point for a reason And what have I learned and don't pop in when you you know There is something to be said kind of the the the myth thing of a when you're not looking it hits you Okay, because you're just comfortable and you're not all needy and graspy and it's got to be this and it's the one it's Yeah, it's That's a large element So, you know, it's interesting. I like the live ammo Um, um analogy because it makes me think of I don't know if you know But gamers who are like great at first person shooter, you know doing like this But they actually gave them a gun and tried to see if they could duplicate this with a with a you know, like a um Like a false like a um a light sure what are those guns that shoot lights or whatever? And these guys were terrible at shooting because they got so used to the cyber version of shooting with your thumbs like this Instead of like this kind of thing. So there's there it's certainly I think we're what I appreciate about what you said Was that it is through our experiences that we can find out who we truly are It is through our trial and errors, if you will and and like you I've been a jackass I've been unconscious. I've been myopic. I've been selfish Um, and it took a humbling event for me to shift um And and now I'd like to think I operate differently. So let's come back to your uh beautiful beloved for a moment How did you act differently? When you met her in other words, I mean is compared to those times you were a jackass I mean, are you tracking where I'm going with this question? I I do but yes Yes, I do, but I'm probably gonna take it in a different way than than you're expecting. Okay. Okay. I I knew What changed was my picker changed Dramatic. Okay. I think that's that's a that's a big one Right there, you know, I think my my level of What I want don't want won't deal with Not interested anymore. You know, it's kind of like the Yeah, it's a horrible analogy, but it's kind of like, you know, when you um, uh, you know, you know, you have bubble yum You know the the the candy that's oh, yeah, sure. Sure. Sure. Oh when you're a kid, it's awesome Right, you're gonna go eat the blue ice cream to cotton candy all that shit, right? And then actually when you grow up your taste buds mature, you're like, I can't stand that Yeah, yeah, you're right. You're right and and uh That has a lot to do with it I think that has a whole lot to do with it of Um of looking at your I say your picker, you know, it says, you know, this thing to say But I I think that's really it here in California, too, by the way. Okay. There you go. Um I think that was that was a A big thing. I mean it was just um, you know, when you When you know what you you I don't want to say you know when you see it you don't you know But you do and you don't you know, but it's it's that idea of going hey, I um I've been to the rodeo. I've seen all of these things and you I think you know when we go back to the live ammo example I think it's the idea of you know, and this is what I coach a lot of people on is Seeing it faster You know seeing it faster. Just like you said when you were in sales. It's no it really is I know I'm gonna take the complete sexiness out of this here But it's the idea of okay. I'm gonna find out very quickly. Okay. Are you either totally full of shit? Are you gonna be a train wreck? Um, yeah, fun. Is it gonna be fun for a while? But it's just never gonna You know, you're not clicking with me. Okay. Hey, you're awesome, but you're not my flavor. Okay, or is it like Or is it just a hey, is it gonna be a sparkler or is it like? Hey, there's Much more to this don't know where it's gonna go But you know, there's something that just feels solid, you know and And here's the deal I always say I mean it's with anything access is earned Access is earned. Okay. So with each with each interaction you go, huh? Okay. Yeah, I'll take another step I'll go further. I'll do this rather than just they like we talked about the client earlier Oh my god, they sang me a song. Nothing's been this way before that's bullshit. Okay In the real world the real grown-ass world. It's like, huh, okay. Yeah, I'll I'll I'll go to the second round I'll go to the third round. This is good. Yeah, and what happens is is consistency Okay, that's it. Okay. If you're asking for your your folks there Consistency consistency and showing up You know the world's full of flakes the world's so full of flakes men and women just don't be a flake The flake factor is high well, you know what I want to go back to this your picker change because I recognize that You might have experienced this too right after my divorce. I Put myself out on the dating apps. I wanted some Connection with someone I wanted a little bit of companionship. I certainly wanted sex So my my little head was driving the bus most often And and in many cases, you know, like that chemistry piece was driving the bus And it wasn't until I made that commitment to myself That I wanted commitment That I began choosing differently. In other words, I was looking for hey, do we share the same values? You know, like I mean, I would like I'd be asking those questions Our our lifestyles blendable and most importantly and this is true for men and women alike Is this woman or or this person, you know, if you're a woman talking to a man Is this an emotional grown-up? because There are a lot of people who are adults But they're emotional children Hence why we were talking earlier about you know, wouldn't it be great if you could just ask one question to unveil at all Which it's really more you said is about drilling down Learning how to drill like you did that in recruiting. I'm sure I learned it in sales That drilling down is going to the next layer to the next layer the next layer So bradley, um, I'm gonna open it up for questions right now. So um, so folks if you're watching Right now if you have a question for either bradley or myself write the word question in the chat box Or uh, and then post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker super chat All the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor asley That's my son who passed away five years ago. That's a picture of him there. This is for everyone listening Uh, and in his honor, we donate to causes like the hoffman process inside institute So again hit that little dollar sign our goal is to get 50 dollars tonight. So we love some love tonight I already see some questions that come in have come in bradley. I'm gonna pick the first one. I saw Because I really like this power chi writes jonathan, please ask bradley about his opinions on Migtown and red pill movement. I am excited to talk to you about this. So let's Dig into the Wow Okay, so I don't know what migtown is. Sorry red pill Say it again It's called men going their own way Not not familiar with it, but yeah, the whole red pill thing a deal I am familiar with My opinion Well, yeah, look here's the deal is um and Are it's like anything it's like politics. It's like religion. It's like anything else. Okay, there are going to be Huge dramatic extremists on other end whether it's extreme feminism or red pill, okay You know and I think as a You when I look at a lot of red pill stuff, it's either by a lot of younger men Okay, you know men and they're you know 20 teens 20s or 30s or by a lot of really Disenfranchised older men, but um, yeah That I don't see a lot of I don't see a lot of men our age going on or hard red pill Okay, here's where I do see and kind of where I lean anyway bear in mind. Okay And and again, you know, I'm fifth generation texan. Okay um But I believe I believe in polarity to a degree and what I mean is you know And I say I couch it with that. I believe in polarity and traditional, you know traditional roles But I don't want anybody to just go. Oh my god. It's super red. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. No, okay That's not it But it's the idea of and again my clientele is Largely women as well and I'm very good friends with a lot of the guys and and the the men's movement Okay, um and not the red pill guys, but like the respectable, you know special ops guys the real You know masculinity movement. Here's the deal. Okay um Yeah, I think as a man show up I think that you know, I the the women I talk to you know, no one wants no one wants a doormat No one wants to walk on them with high heels on okay They you know, and it's it's not saying hey go get a burka and you know clean the floor But it's like, you know, sometimes you want You want somewhat traditional roles and the hard part for a lot of men where a lot of men our age Have a hard time Okay Is because of how we were brought up and this weird sociological Environment that we're in of yeah, okay Look either like we talked about earlier. Sometimes you didn't have the wall model there. Okay to teach you exactly Hey, here's how you show up man up In a relationship. Okay, and like like my dad was not present I mean everything I've learned I've had to wing or learn on my own or through other other me Okay, I guess I'm right from wrong my stuff through women but but I think that the other challenge with that is um Both both genders, how do you act? I don't know. Well, you know, are you supposed to be a strong woman? But you know, are you supposed to stand up for all this? Are you supposed to be a man? But you know, you know, I do do you hold a door? Do you not hold a door? Do you say this do you not say this? Hey, I don't want to step on you and I think you know My you asked for my opinion on this. Yeah, sure. Sure. Just Man up and do what the hell he feels right That's it. Show up and do it. You feel don't you know show up authentically and what you feel feel is is right On that and to me that means um, you know, I I do lean a little more on the traditional end of that. So Yeah, so, you know, and I and I want to move on to our next question But my my perception particularly red red pill or even migtail men going their own way is that whenever we set men up set men or women in a dominant or subordinate role That oftentimes the person's more subordinate role while they might have some basic needs being met by their partner Oftentimes in those cases it gives an excuse for the the person in the dominant role to not invest in the emotional effects of the relationship And because they're in and usually this is centered around financial success You know, there can be an arrogance in that at least the way I interpret red pill Is that you know, look, I I pay for everything So you're at my beckham call to operate the way I see you should operate And while there might be some men who operate that way and still treat their partner with respect Um, it it doesn't give it it doesn't open up the door for what I think most relationships are thirsty for and that's a deeper level of intimacy and I don't mean physical intimacy I mean emotional intensity. That's just my two cents on that. Hey, I want to take a question from jane spitfire and she says Do you do men like certain types of women? Or do you have a type like a born no class was cute bod? Super religious example. I love this question. So I'd love to love this question This is a great question because you know, I think I think that you know, I don't know if he's asking You know me in general or just Let's share let's share our answer to this Yeah, you know, I I think that people have types Yeah, you know, and I think that you know, you're attracted to what you're attracted to Okay, I get it. But I think that the problem that a lot of people have and I did for a long time is you can you you You really hang your hat on that's my type. Well, you know what? Your type may suck your type just may suck. That's it. I mean and so for the longest time You know, I went through a whole series And it was so funny because some you know friends friends of mine go brother You have a type and your type is called coffee. So what do you mean to go if they're hot dark and bitter That's for you And it's funny because Yeah, you think about that. You're like, yeah And the the deal is you like when you again physical attraction aside There's a reason you end up beginning into patterns of the same types of people Okay, you know, I'll talk to oh, you know what I just ended up with alcoholics and guys are just problems Well, I wonder why well, yeah, there's a ton of fun But I mean at some point well, that's my type and you throw up your hands and that's I'll go Okay, well, it's not going to change, you know, I like vodka but sometimes vodka is not great for me Maybe you have to look somewhere else And I think that's the problem with types and I think at the the By the time we reach our age In middle life at least be open to hey, you know what it's back to what we started this whole conversation Okay, how did it get to this point? What did I choose? How am I responsible for giving to this point? And okay You know, maybe I could change it up. Maybe not but that's a that's a big deal I I think it's ridiculous actually the whole type thing. Um, no, I I said You know what? Well, actually it occurs to me though that, um From probably an evolutionarily evolutionary biology perspective I would say that from an instinctual perspective, we might actually have some biological types You know related to ancestral types of things, but I I think the ego can override that I think disney or not disney hollywood and and um and magazines have changed people's types. Um I'll share with you my type. I want somebody who's into personal development self-help and spiritual work and actually is doing the work like that's that's like my type, okay? um And and what I mean to say is, you know, kind of looking at it from a different vantage point is who am I most aligned with? And um, I think this comes back to what you said earlier When you know who you are Get clear on who you are and look for somebody that not to the extent mirrors it You know exactly because I don't think that exists But is in the same ballpark of your values your lifestyle the way you operate And as I said most importantly and we've repeated this on this broadcast emotional maturity So we have another question. Um You're gonna like this one James pitfire says why do some men send dick pics and phone calls in the middle of the night? Oh my god You know one of the best memes I've saw I've ever seen was You know, um, was it don't send dick pics be a man and disappoint her in real life? Um You know, I don't get it, you know, I guess if someone asks for it great, but I mean the unsolicited Other other sidebar. I saw a painting once okay, I Went in someone's home and it was this interesting piece of art It was a painting Look, it had like four rows of different squares of these, you know Drawn men. Okay, and you're looking like oh, where's dick van dyke? Oh, there's richard nixon Oh, there's it was like famous dicks. I thought that was funny, but um, you know, I just um Why do that? I I wish I knew this one. I don't I've never I've never done the unsolicited eggplant You know, I I mean great video. You know, why you know why because one Really unless you're like unless you're like a porn star or circus performer. They're not that impressive really. I mean, is that is that I've got one. I don't want to look at it. By the way, they were strict. Do you remember the sign film episode? There was shrinkage Yeah, and and I I guess it's just You know, I've got I have more ability than that You know, I got more to I Bagged in that. Yeah, I I suspect that there's this belief by certain men that This will somehow initiate sexual attraction And and to some degree, you know when two people are riled up on a chemical like they are riled up on chemistry And it's mutual in other words. She's feeling chemistry. You're feeling chemistry. It's quite common to send Provocative photographs to one another because you're not physically in each other's presence You want to get that that you know the engine started so to speak. I think the unsolicited Yeah, exactly or at least you're about to get into one right um And and I suspect the unsolicited dick pic again is this belief that somehow If I show my junk you will you know, your vagina will get wet And it's it's it's rather comical to People like yourself and I or others that go really you really think that's going to work You know and and and like and they do it a hundred times thinking it's going to work and it still doesn't work So, all right, let's go to another question. We have sunshine libardi that says Jonathan, how can you tell if a guy is a loser? What define what that means to you? Yeah, I mean, I I you know don't don't make a blanket judgment, you know I mean really it's what does that mean to to you, you know um It can be anything, you know, whether that is yeah, it's it's just um Well, you know what you bring at this, you know, you actually bring up What does that mean to you because one person's uh trash is another person's treasure, you know to some degree But what I think I I think what what the question really is I think it falls into the category Is this person? Going to use me is this person going to betray me is this person going to treat me poorly You know, I think the question really is is predicated on a desire to know in advance And yet whether we like it or not, you know, we you got to break some eggs, you know to make an omelet And you got to put yourself out there. I think what you and I teach is discernment And and discernment starts by and we we're repeat we're like a broken record now You and I discernment starts with no thyself. No thyself because if you don't know yourself, um, you're going to Possibly attract people that don't know themselves either So, yeah, okay. Here's a good question. Yeah, oh go ahead. Go ahead. No, go ahead. No, go ahead I was going to go up a whole whole other tangent. So we can we can we can table that Well, and I I wonder if you and I have different opinions on this question. So should the man make the first move Doesn't matter to me moves being made Okay, so I so like So I let me just share with you my take and let's see how you take on this So, you know, it used to be called dropping the hanky, you know, a woman would drop her hanky and get a guy's attention You know, um, I think today's you're not that old Well, I have a time machine I go back in time. Um, let's go say that moisturizer is awesome Yeah, I have a DeLorean. Um, no, um I I I think in our our current environment It doesn't matter who makes the move or at least initiates the the the contact What's most important that two people are engaged with the making mutual effort in getting to know one another Like it's it's their mutual effort It's not singular to the guy doing all the work and you get to sit back in your feminine energy kind of thing I believe mutual effort generates the best results and I'd love your take. Yes Well, here here's the thing. I mean I I talk to so many people on this. Okay. Yeah Some men are just in out There you go. Yeah, some men are just clueless. It doesn't mean they're bad guys. It just means maybe they're shy Maybe they just are a little obtuse. Maybe they don't read the signals. Maybe your signals suck and just aren't strong enough Okay, so there's so many other things out there But I mean, like you said, you know the ol hanky thing But I mean, you know, I think that we we have these crazy narratives in our own head Of oh, well, this means this and this emoji means this and this means this, you know what? I'm a bit, you know, look, I'm no scientist But I'll tell you what that wasn't one of the basic laws of physics shortest distance between two points Is a straight line if you want to know ask the damn question. Okay, ask the question It doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman and here's the thing once once that move has been made whoever makes it Okay, yeah, then then I then I believe it's on the man's court Then it's kind of you know, it's kind of like, you know It's like tennis. Okay. I mean, hey, you know one person can serve but you damn well better return that ball And yeah, I think at that point it's the man. It's the man's job. Totally at that point Yeah, well to the extent that I agree that if a person whether, you know Again, I believe both people should be making mutual effort in the getting to know you This includes asking the deeper questions being of integrity with one another Um, certainly being receptive to one another. You're gonna get to that point Well, what I think I'm yeah, but what a man does need Is he needs a desire to commit because this comes back to our title You know, if you don't have a desire to be in a committed relationship Then you're going to treat people most likely as you know disposable and true and I'm just not I'm not a fan of You know winging it as we talked about earlier hoping that somehow magic fairy dust is going to change what's in your heart If in your heart you don't want to commit but you want companionship connection and sex You know, and we know that we have to say I want a relationship to get laid You know, you can be really disingenuous and hurt a lot of people See you you hit it right there that right there is the the tipping point that a lot of people And I'll talk to a lot of my clients on this because they'll get so bent out of shape on Yeah, um, you know what he just wants to lay, you know what that's not right and they're incensed Did he say it? Well, no one's gonna come out and say I just want to get laid. Okay, but I mean my point is, you know What is right am I my comment to them and to anybody here is Especially if you're coming out of divorce or a relationship or you know, what's right, you know, you're not the moral police What's right is what's right for you Right now That's it. What is right for you right now? And so let's say the guy the guy or Woman that just got out of a divorce and they're like, you know what they're like, hey, you know what? I haven't had sex in five years and I am like free on parole And yeah, I'm right. I'm going I'm going to the buffet. Okay. I'm gonna try everything on I don't want a relationship because I don't know anything that doesn't mean they're a bad person Okay, no, but here's the thing here's the thing if they you know The other thing that a lot of times people says he he just told me he doesn't want a relationship You don't have to okay. You don't have to And oftentimes The ones that say that They'll get you know, the the person who hears it is pissed off. But you know what that's the most honest thing someone could tell you That's the most honest thing You know and like, you know what and and I remember I there was a period where I I was not boyfriend material. It was not right. I didn't want to you know, did I want to go play have a round Whatever I was just dealing my own shit Sure, don't want to go but and I remember there some people I go Hey, you know what we can hang out we can run around we do whatever but you know what I am not relationship ready or Worthy right now. Oh, well, and we you know, we think oh, well, they're just saying that. Oh, well, you know what? I can change them dumbest thing ever and just meet Meet people where they're at and that can change, you know, because just because someone you know If someone wants it and here's the thing they may not want it with you Oh my god, it's kind of the whole it's kind of like the whole uh, you know when Harry met sally thing Yeah, so Yeah, you know, it's interesting um You know after my divorce I kept saying I want a relationship. I want a relationship I want a relationship and I get I'd meet someone we go down the path for a few weeks or a month or two And then I'm like, oh shit. I don't want a relationship and then this happened over and over and over again I realized that While I thought I wanted a relationship There's a big difference between the idea of wanting it and being capable of it And so this kind of reminds me of this this kind of reflects this question that and or not question But a comment animates she she goes I think men have been hurt just like women and they may have some fears of vulnerability when it comes to Making the first move but ladies we can certainly signal But I want to take the first part for getting the the move part I was so wounded That while I wanted a relationship. I wasn't capable of it And because I was so hurt And and it was interesting as some women saw that I was a train wreck But they were willing to invest in me even though like I was clearly a train wreck Because baby they can fix you. I don't let mama take care of you. Oh Yeah, no, no, no here. There's so many moving parts to that one I want to tackle the last one there when you say this about how they saw they saw in you I have I have a thing I call the insert guy here theory, okay And I I learned of this right after I got divorced. I'm in Dallas And you know, I was in north Dallas. That was fairly awesome. And after I got divorced I would go out with these of these people and I would Find out after a period of time very quick period of time That they really didn't give a shit about me I just checked particular boxes Okay, and what I mean by that is let's say that their ex had a horrible relationship with their kids And I happen to have a great relationship with my kids, you know in my young kids You know, they're young at the time they're old now, okay. Yeah, so they're like, oh Okay, maybe maybe I would find out that maybe you know, they look at me not for me But oh, well, you know, I could give them a lifestyle. I could take care of kids. I could do this I fit the boxes That would elevate them back to a previous spot And they didn't get flying f about me as the person or the individual And what I call that the insert guy here theory is this it's kind of like a picture frame You're going to buy a picture frame and what happens, you know You see this picture of a beautiful couple or a family and all of that You don't know who they are. They're name. They're they're nameless. No one knows but they fit the frame, right? Yeah, and I think a lot of people look for someone to fit the frame But they really aren't interested in looking at the individual You know back to what we said about the person type. Yeah. Oh, well, they're my type. Yeah Good job. They make money. They's this this this. Yeah, but what about the individual because you're not willing to look at that You just want to surface it Yeah So, okay, we got a few more questions before we wrap up tonight power of chi is in the house and she says jonathan Please ask bradley on how a couple can improve sexually Should couples get their hormone hormones checked out and adjusted like testosterone estrogen replacement therapy and such One thousand percent Okay You know, no no deep answer on that one Yes, yes and twice on sunday. Yes. Um, you know, look, I mean, it's yeah You look when you're you're younger you don't think about it. I say young But i'm in my i'm in my late fifties. Okay, and at some point You wake up. It's kind of like readers. Okay, we have readers. Okay, you know, you don't realize it But one day you're in a restaurant. You're like checking the menu out like this. Okay, and look what I'm Like your mind over there and it's the same thing, you know one day you're just you know, you're you're like, you know Hey, look at this. It's you know, you're just a rock star And then whoa, hey, I quickly gained a lot of weight. Hey, wait a minute. I might jump them looking more. Hey wait you know and You know It's common it it does and so yeah, there's a lot there's a lot behind it But we don't think about it because it's embarrassing Look you're human we're animals. Okay, we're animals that are smart and it happens and it's right and yeah, you just said Okay, so I want to share with you that something that happened a couple Uh videos ago where we talked about ed and men using the blue pill And we had the chat box just racing with if he needs a blue pill He's not man enough for me Like kind of you're not gonna like that earned Oh, it is because yeah, yeah, you're Let's let's talk menopause. You're not gonna like how that one turns. So yeah, so Whether I like or not, like I need a blue pill. I I'm not happy about it, but I need it you know What what are we on that look are you keeping score? I mean, I guess that's the point Okay, are you kid? Yeah, you know, are those those people that look at the old ladies? You know what? I mean, let's be crass for a second. Okay Did you meet the objective? Yeah, exactly. Okay. What was the objective? Okay. Well, you know what? You know, it's a it's a it's a limp noodle here, but you know what? He's he's got his own. It's all all natural Or you know, you get the job done. I mean Whatever If if my junk don't work my tongue is very hard all the time Yeah, there you go. You know what? All right All right, we got another question If a beach lover writes if a man just wants sex, wouldn't it be the best thing to be upfront with that? Why the game of looking for a relationship when it isn't truth? Um, well, I I agree with that actually I I'm a big believer ask for what you want You should give what you want ask for what you want, you know And what like I said earlier about the right time, you know Why the relationship thing? Well, because you know, we have this stigma of oh, it's just bad to do that We're just bad to say what you and it's okay to say. Hey, I just want a relationship Hey, you know, and I'm not looking for but we lie to ourselves and we're because by the time we get this this age Okay, yeah Yeah, we tend the pendulum tends to swing in a couple different ways people either become so bitter and jaded You know what? I was cheating on all men suck and I'm never gonna do it again And you better earn my trip. Okay great got it or we're just so Desperate grass be begging for it. Oh, well, I'll take anything You bet I'll morph and change and be whoever to to get whatever but even though it's not really what I want you know, um And you know, no good No, um Oh god, I lost my train of thought now. What was the original question? Uh, why don't why don't men just say they want to get laid? Oh, you know what? I was thinking of the movie tootsie and there's a scene where uh, Dustin Hoffman is dressed as a woman in this scene and um And he's talking to uh, oh god, I forget it. Jessica lang I think is the woman And Jessica lang was saying to Dustin Hoffman as a woman Saying god, I would just love it if a man would just come up to me and say look I'm not looking for a relationship. I'd like to have sex with you basically is the gist of it And so the next scene Dustin Hoffman is now in his male character role And he basically says that to Jessica lang and she slaps him across the face um, and I believe the reason why I'm bringing this up is I believe Whether it's true or not Men must tell you that they want a relationship Even when they don't because their chances of getting laid is going to shrink to almost nothing Because it's not about telling the truth. It's about telling them what they want to hear I think I'm just being Yeah, you know you're exactly right. You're exactly right But I think the the other thing that I'll find is You know what? There are a lot of women that just want to get that too You know, no, there's it's all it's all of what stage you're at and where you're you know, it is And we've made it this whole oh, it's the same thing with um, you know the the the whole fairy tale It's all you know Well, you look at we we took a part of this conversation early talking about expectations for people our age and generation Right about the you go to school and you should do this and you should make good grades You get a job and get married and have kids and And part of that is this expectation that um, you know, there the end goal is to get married Okay, the end goal is you know, we talked about our relationship. We talked about commitment, you know, but For a lot of people and I just saw something on this not the other day and now you look I'm an example of this, okay? You know, you can be in a loving committed relationship that you know is just as Committed and tight as as being married without being married And not wanting to get married and not looking at that as that's the end goal On that either look, we all know plenty of people who they're married and I hate each other, you know You know, they have all the end goal But I think the end the you know, my opinion, okay one man's opinion is you know, look um, the goal is to you know If you're gonna be in a relationship the goal should be to have a good relationship not to get a ring on your finger Okay, you know, it's not thank no no Beyonce. Sorry, you know You know, I I'm a big proponent of partnership Relationships and in other words two people investing in each other because It would really suck to invest 10 years of your life and then not go the distance at some point If you're if you're in your mid 50s and now you're you know, you've invested 10 years with someone and it's still going good Then, you know, the idea is to build something like you're building a house. That's the way I approach you're building a life Instead of renting a house or buying a brand new house It's like look, we're gonna build a house together and I'll do certain things and you do certain That's kind of the way I approach my my My practice if you will that's not to say that you can't have a friends with benefits relationship You can do whatever you want. You want a situation ship? You want to do whatever you want, but Ultimately, I think it's important and I want to bring this kind of to closure now because we're gonna wrap up for a moment You know, I think a couple of the strong themes We talked about tonight is a know thyself in other words know thyself And and and most importantly being integrity and whether you are and what we've noticed with men who want to commit Those high value men have this in common. They know themselves and they want commitment You know, and they're they're very genuine and sincere about that and I think you would agree with that. Am I right? I would totally agree with that, you know, it's And that being an integrity integrity can mean different things to different people at different stages But it's that knowing themselves knowing what you want and um The the the punchline of all this is you know, because people say, you know, you can ask someone and I'm just gonna tell you know, it's kind of like that Someone asked me in a job interview. Do you think you're funny? Of course, I think I'm funny But anybody thinks they're funny, you know, even thinks they're funny. They're gonna say say something You know, so if you ask someone a question, you know, are you looking for a committed relationship? The problem a big problem that a lot of people have Is they spoon feed people the answers and then hear what they want to hear And so many of these things of finding out It's if forget chemistry forget compatibility forget attraction easy done now. Let's go next level stuff This next level stuff. We think oh, we'll wait until we get to know them. No, it's too late It's three months too late. Okay three weeks too late. Some of this stuff It takes time to learn but a lot of it you can have the weed outs Okay, knowing knowing what's not gonna work and no and most importantly knowing if someone is capable You can find out pretty early on Are you capable? Okay, and like I'm gonna leave one one thing here And this is the type of stuff that I coach specifically work on like that real program that that we're doing on on monday It's this well. I'll give this piece One of my favorite questions to ask and someone to find out do they have the ability To to be open. Okay to be emotionally available Okay, is this Okay, you ask them and you do it when they're talking about something else But you ask them like tell me two things that you are really excited about now Look at what go two things that just really light you up Now inevitably most guys will say something about work or kids. Okay, take that out Tell me two things two things besides working kids that you're just really lit up about or one thing that really excites you Now here's the deal. Okay You don't give a shit what the answer is you don't care if they say monster truck rally crazy wallpaper with peacocks Okay, we peacocks That's why okay Or you know harry potter or stamp collecting or sooner football doesn't matter You don't care what the answer is and yet we judge them on the answer you ask them that to see Hey Do they have something outside of themselves? Do they have an interest a thought a desire an excitement something That is outside of kids and work and can they communicate about if they say well, yeah, i'm excited about this If they can communicate That to you you're looking for three things this is gold right here. You're looking for energy energy passion and pride That's it. That's what you want to find out. You want to find out. Do you have energy passion and pride? I don't give a damn if they're talking about harry potter. Okay, don't date somebody that talks about dungeons dragon with harry potter But if whatever it is, you know how sexy it is when someone's lit up when they're excited they're in their element They're talking about yeah, this is it You're teeing them up with a softball you are giving them the easiest thing in the world because if they could tell you right out of the gate That they have something that they can show and demonstrate and communicate Energy passion and pride about when it's easy Then guess what six months down the road and you're down the road when she gets tough and she gets real You know that they can do it and they can show energy passion pride for you because if they stutter they stammer I don't know a stupid question. Well, I like this Okay They got a wall and it's gonna be hard going right there No, it's interesting because I like this I one of the questions I appreciate being asked of me and I I ask is what inspired you to do what you do what inspired you because that's like that that and that and if they if they Demonstrate energy passion and pride In that you know in that venue along with you know, what are you most passionate about type of thing? I think that's really great sound advice bradley. Thank you. I want to thank you for coming into the house Absolutely and sharing what high value men Men who are ready to commitment what what they have in common. I truly appreciate you Folks, I'm going to post a link below how to connect with bradley. We'll put your website down there I I know you've got something coming up soon. I invite everyone to check it out Um bradley one last word before we wrap up with anything you'd like to say Hey one, thank you. Thank you for having me on there's you know, it's um Life's too short to wing it, you know and you know listening to whether to me or john other people in this You know take what works for you and and try it, but I think that's that's the biggest thing is just no Be willing to look in the mirror and know who you are and I think that's the best of that's being an advanced adult right then Well, my friend, uh, who lives out of your north dallas, correct? Yeah, we're we're actually leaving here. My son went to school in dentin Ah, I guess Yeah, so it's unc there. Yeah, unc. So hey listen my friend I'm just going to give you a big hug of appreciation. Thank you so much Everyone I want you to thank I want uh to thank you all for being on tonight And I hope you have value of this broadcast and we're going to say good night to everyone. So Yeah