 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Assey of JonathanAssey.com, and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, stop enabling guys just because you like them. Stop. Ah. Really quickly, if you're new to my YouTube channel, please hit the Subscribe button, hit the bell. And if you like this video, please hit that Like button so more people can see it. So we're going to talk about why you need to stop enabling guys just because you like them. Ladies, this is a very common experience I notice with men, or with women, is that you might be in a relationship with someone who is a complainer, a whiner. You know, his life is in chaos. And he's expressing a lot of his frustrations to you. He's expressing his angst, maybe his past relationship, maybe his marriage, maybe what's going on with work. And because he's vulnerable with you, because he's vulnerable with you, you're taking it all in as intimacy. I'm going to repeat that. You're taking it all in as intimacy because he's expressing his problems with you. And for many women, this can be music to your ears because you feel like he's really getting close to you because he's expressing his problems with you. And that might seem to be true, but that's not real intimacy. That's not real intimacy. Real intimacy isn't just about expressing problems. Real intimacy is actually going behind the surface and getting to the fear of what's going on in a person's life. Let me repeat that. Getting behind the curtain to the fear that's going on in this person's life, that is true intimacy versus people who complain, people who are struggling in their life and they're expressing it. And because you ladies are these beautiful human beings that love to be nurturers, oftentimes you step into the role of becoming an enabler. Not because you're enabling his behavior, but by accepting his behavior, you're literally enabling it. What I mean by accepting those people who are complainers, who those are wishy-washy, those who are in victim consciousness. I'm gonna repeat that, those guys who are in victim consciousness. And I'm here to say, you have no benefit doing that in the long run because if he can't show up his life, if he can't show up his life on his own, he's not gonna make a good partner for you in the long run. Let me repeat that. If he can't show up his life on his own. Now I'm not, let me just be clear on something. We all need a support system. We all need people to be by our side that have our back. And I'm a full proponent of having someone's back. Here's the thing. If they initially start with a lot of complaining, again, just because he seems attached to you, just because he seems like he's making effort doesn't necessarily mean that he's building the roots to deeper trust and intimacy if it's one of complaining. And this is why I'm gonna recommend a new book. I haven't talked about this book much, but you might wanna check out this book called Too Good to Leave Too Bad to Stay. Too Good to Leave Too Bad to Stay. What it means by too good to leave is oftentimes we get sucked in because someone is giving us attention and merely just that attention alone will keep a woman in a relation. I'm doing this as roots, you know, will stay in a relationship just because you're getting some minimal amount of validation and support, but yet it's so weak because you're overwhelmed by all of his needs. And a relationship should look like a ping pong table. It should be a nice balance of give and take. It should look like a two lane street and you're both traveling at the street at the same speed. If he's traveling at a very low speed and it's constant rattling and caging and it's all in chaos, then it requires you to back up to be next to his speed, but then you're gonna be resentful because he's not keeping up with you. And this is why I said, stop enabling guys just because you like them. We've gotta let go of this rhetoric. And let me just tell you something, ladies. Sometimes men need a real kick in the butt. I'm an equal opportunity judge-er. I'm gonna say judge-er. I judge men and women alike. For women, I am tired of women who are princesses and I'm tired of women who act entitled. Those are the women I can't stand. And for men, I can't stand those complainers and those guys that aren't very conscious and aware of the value of a relationship and being more intentional. I'm gonna be candid with you. I can't stand those guys and I can't stand the enabler or the entitled type of woman. Now, I understand there are also types of women that are, sadly, what I call the doormat type of women that will accept bad behavior over and over and over again. And to those women, I wanna give you a big, gigantic Jonathan bear hug if it's okay because I understand how it can feel to want some sort of attention and validation, especially at this time in our lives where we're getting so little of human connection. And at the same time, however, I want you to stand in your power, stand in your sovereignty, stand into your own self-love. It's why I wrote my book called What the Heck is Self-Love Anyway? What the Heck is Self-Love Any? I encourage you to check out this book. There's a link below. And also to those guys who are whining, bitching and complaining, you have to turn them onto this book. Read that title. Shut up, stop whining and get a life. To those guys, instead of enabling them, give them a copy of this book. Give them this copy of this book by Larry Wingett to stop it because you're spending time with a person who's complaining, whining, wishy-washy and all that stuff is merely enabling him because he's not doing anything to shift. And sometimes you just gotta take a book like this and throw it at him. Say, read this fucking book. Oops, I said the F word and stop whining. Now, look it. I'm a big proponent. We all have a need to vent and I'm a big proponent of venting. But venting means seeking solutions, whiners, complainers, victim consciousness. All they want you to do is drop down to their level of victimhood. And at the end of the day, it's gonna be a pea soup of crap of your relationship. And I'm assuming that's not what you want. Are we in agreement on this? Are you gonna stop enabling guys just because you like them? If you say yes, hit that like button. And if this resonates with you, check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. All right, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off, giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to a friend or a pet or even a stuffed animal like Salty and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now.