 I'd like to welcome everyone to Ignite the Spark. Ignite the Spark is a program for horizons for girls. We mentor students middle school and high school and we work with these students with the ultimate goal that they graduate high school and they have a plan for what they wanna do after high school. That might be college, that might be a job, that might be going into the armed services, but having an idea of what it is you want to do after high school. I'm excited today because I have a guest that's been with me before, but Deja happens to be one of our students and I forget how long we've known each other, but it's been quite a while and we've had some pretty unusual, exciting experiences along the way. Deja has graduated high school, she's already done a year at college and right now Deja is actually trained as a peer-to-peer mentor and it's interesting because you can say something that I might have told the students over and over and over and they just kind of shrug their shoulders, but when they hear you say the exact same thing, all of a sudden they're paying attention. Couple of questions for you Deja, you were with me, I wanna say what, six years you were a student at Horizons? Yeah. Quite a while and when you were a student with Horizons, what were some of the things that you liked about working with mentors and without using names? What were some of the challenges of working with, and you're grinning, I already know what you're thinking of, but what were some of the challenges when you were working with mentors? What did you like and not like about having mentors? I would say that some of the things that I liked about working with mentors is like there's a different mentor for each girl. You didn't always have to get along with the mentors. I mean, they're so respecting, you had to respect them, they had to respect you, but I mean, you could have your favorite mentor and that was okay. And some of the challenges I would say is at the end, we all had to get to know each other, you couldn't just be with that one mentor. At some point you have to shake it up a little bit and get to know all the other girls and the other mentors. That's something that I had to remind myself a lot because I wanted to stay with you a lot. It was something that I had to learn how to do and get over, so, yeah. What were some of the things you, what were some of the activities maybe that you liked as a student that you got to do when you were in horizons? I believe it was Maywood, it was a camp and we got to put on these huge boots and get in the water and look for crayfish and leeches and different things in the water. I've never did anything like that before so I was nervous and didn't wanna do it but when I seen that other people didn't know what they were doing either, I kinda felt like, all right, I can do this. This was one of my favorite things to do and then a lot of the fundraising, giving back to the community, learning how to face pain and working with other kids and stuff like that. It was really cool, we got a lot of opportunities that I never thought that I could have, so it was pretty cool. When you're talking about the Maywood thing, I guess I found that interesting because your father is a sportsman. So I assumed, bad thing to do, but I assumed that you've gone fishing and all that kind of thing with him and you were pretty comfortable with being in the stream so when you share that story, it's interesting. So yeah, I've gone fishing with him but we stay on land when we go fishing or in the boat, I've never had to put on tall boots and actually get in with the fish or get in and actually see things swimming around me. I know we used to go to Long Lake with my sisters and stuff. They'd all run in it. I don't like being in water that I can't see the bottom of and it's not clear. It's never been a big fan of me, so I mean, it was different. Like I said, it's something that when I told him he was very shocked because there'd be times where he'd have to get in the water if like I actually threw my pole in or something like that and he was just like really shocked about that. Like you actually got in the water and he picked stuff up. It was fun, like I said, except for the leech part. When I actually saw the leech, I was like, all right, kind of down with this and some of the mentors went in without long boots. They went in barefooted and stuff and I was like, okay, I'm not gonna try this but it was overall a good thing. We learned a lot at Maplewood that day, so it was cool. And we've done some interesting fundraiser. We've done bake sales and like you said, the face painting. We do a lot of face painting during the summer, especially different places that we go face painting and pumpkin painting. Yeah, I remember that. You also helped me with like our own personal fundraising. I had a fundraiser for school and you helped me incorporate it with group. I don't know if you remember the whole relay for life. You got me to get the mayor there actually, which was pretty cool because I earned extra brownie points for that. So it was actually like super nice how like we got to do things around, yeah. Well, we did, when there was a fire, we went around and we collected clothing for the families affected by that fire. And that was an idea that students came up with that they said we should do this. So it's kind of neat to see that kind of thing. I think one of the things that students enjoy every year is going to Rocky Noel. Yeah. To take the Christmas cookies and go room to room delivering Christmas cookies to all the residents out there. I think you've got a favorite one or two patients out there that you enjoy. You still go out there with us every year. And it's a lot of fun to do that kind of thing. And they look forward to seeing the students do that. And of course, Faith who's hiding under the table there also goes with us out there to Rocky Noel. It's kind of fun. Mm-hmm. I think it's pretty cool because when you first initially arrived to Rocky Noel, you kind of know what to expect. They tell you certain people can have cookies, certain people can't. Just make sure that you're polite and stuff like that. Because this is people home. That's their home right there. You can't just walk in there and be like, you want a cookie? You got to be like, hi, Merry Christmas. Introduce yourself and stuff like that. And the first time I went, it was kind of nervous because I've never been in a nursing home setting like that, I guess. So it was different. And then once I got used to it and got to talk to some of the people there, it was really nice. Then my favorite guy was there. And every year that I go there, I'm always nervous. I'm like, he's old. He's not gonna remember me. He's not gonna remember me. And every time I go, he has the biggest smile on his face. Always willing to talk to me. Always willing to say things, enjoys his cookies and stuff like that. And it just warms my heart. Because I think that during a year, you forget things like that. You can tell that a lot of people forget their loved ones in there and just see people come and visit them. It makes their day and it's like, it's crazy how I make your day by just coming and visiting you and probably never even met you a day in my life. And I don't know. So I don't know, it's really warm hearting and stuff like that. I think that those are the only times that I'll actually tear up or cry or show a lot of emotions. Because I don't know. I think that when I get older, if I ever end up in a nursing home, I want people to do that for me to come and visit on holidays and stuff like that when they have things they could be doing, you know? So. I know one of our donors wants to work with us. And I forget which holiday she said, but she wants to give us some long-stemmed red roses to take out rocking all room to room. So I thought that's kind of cool. So I'm looking forward to that. Rocking all is probably one of our favorite nursing homes to go out to. Now, the other thing I wanted to talk to you about a little bit about your perspective now as being a mentor, you know, being on the other side of the fence. Obviously that's a little bit different, but I think you're able to use that perspective of having been a student and now working with the students and connecting with them. I've seen you connect quite well with students. What are your thoughts? I think I see myself a lot in them. Like in each one, there's just the different ways than I expected. I know that when I agreed to be a mentor and was training to be a mentor and stuff like that, I was kind of like, all right, I get to be the boss of someone or something like that. And it wasn't even that. I really don't consider myself the boss of them. Although you have to like establish that leadership role and know like, hey, when it's time for you to clean up, when it's time for you to do things, this is what I mean and stuff like that. But it's just the rewarding side of it too and see that they're actually excited to see you and excited to work with you and excited to like talk about their day and stuff and see that they're like, they can relate to you. I know that coming from you, hearing the same stuff, even when I was younger, I'm like, what does she know? Like, it's not something that I want to hear. Like you're an adult, of course, you're gonna think this way and stuff like that. And having younger mentors and stuff like that around us, I felt like I could relate to them more because it's like, all right, you're not that older than me and stuff. You probably went through some stuff and even getting to know you more, you've went through a lot of stuff and being able to connect with you to stuff that I didn't even think you knew of was just crazy. And so being able to do with them because they're like, you actually did that or you used to do that or you know about this and stuff like that. And it's like, I wasn't born yesterday under a rock. Like, I definitely know a lot of stuff. And like I said, the leadership wise, just being able to be like, hey, you know, despite what people think of you or despite what's going on, because yeah, you are labeled an at-risk kid and everything else, there's more than that. There's, you can be more than just an at-risk kid. You can be more than just a troublemaker, a bully and stuff like that. There's things and it's nice to see the girls actually like explore stuff that they want and like want to learn and want to grow from and like getting to know themselves. Cause coming in, you think that you know yourself or you're like, this is how I am. I'm not gonna change. I'm gonna put on this, you know, I came in with the whole hard ball perspective that I'm just gonna be me and I really don't want to come to group and I'm forced to be here and everything else. And it wasn't like that at the end of the day, I really enjoyed coming to group more than I admitted. But I really enjoyed just being around other people that I could connect with and learn from. And just because I didn't know a lot doesn't mean they didn't know a lot and being able to learn from them is different. So yeah, I think that that's my big thing is that it's a learning experience. I'm still learning, I'm a mentor and I'm still learning from them. I'm still learning from you. I don't have the answers to everything and I don't do everything right, but I try and that goes a long way as far as, yeah. Well, I think of last week when you were doing the game. Vampires, yeah. And you really seem to be able to draw on a variety of skills. It was a game, yes, but there were skills that they had to use while they were playing that game. And I found that really interesting. You came up with the game, you did the research, you were online, you found the rules, and then you ran what they were doing. And I congratulate you. I thought you did a very good job with that. Thank you. I think a lot of it is problem solving. You can kinda, once you get around the girls a lot, you can see who's the critical thinker and who's the more quiet one and stuff like that. And you wanna touch everybody in a different way, make sure that they're all participating and stuff like that. We had people that I didn't even know had voices speak up and be like, hey, this is what I believe. And that is the most amazing thing is when someone can be like, I believe this and this is what I'm sticking by and everything else. And just communication-wise, you see everyone got along, you see everyone was working together, using their brain and not just saying stuff off the top of their head, actually thinking and having to sit back and enjoying treats and stuff like that. And it was really nice. You can tell that everybody enjoyed themselves because they wanted to keep playing, keep playing, keep playing. So it was a really fun time. I enjoyed doing that. Well, and I think there was a mutual respect. They looked to you for guidance on how the game was being structured. Some of them were familiar with pieces of what we were doing but definitely looked to you to try and give them some guidance about how to do certain steps of what we were trying to do. And I thought that was very good. Yeah, it was, like I said, it was mostly on them. They had to think from their selves and stuff like that. But I definitely would go and be like, all right, why do you feel this way if that's your claim? Just trying to start upon a little bit, play devil's advocate to get them just thinking just to keep getting them going. We had a lot of them who were like, yeah, I know this game. And I'm like, but you're not playing it this way. You're playing it my way. In my way, God was like, definitely had to establish that in the beginning. But once they realized that, they were like, all right, I'm cool with playing it anyway. Like, this is fun. Like it wasn't something that, it was something they could really benefit from. And I think a lot of different friendships were made and different people were talking and getting along. And it was great. It really was. I thought you did a very good job of that. Now, if you were going to talk to someone about being a mentor and they said, I don't think I can do that. I didn't go to school for that. What advice would you give to somebody that might consider being a mentor? It's kind of trial and error. I mean, you're not gonna be, it's not a person that you're gonna be like, all right, I have to be this like, upstanding citizen of the world and I have to never have flaws and I have to never let anyone see my sweat. It's about being human and being able to connect with that. That's what they wanna connect with is the genuineness of being human and being there for them. As long as they know that you're there for them and not for your own personal greed or your own personal like, oh, I'm a mentor because it's just gonna look good on my resume or it's just gonna look good in my friend's eyes and stuff like that. You know, they can see that. They're smart girls. I mean, it's not hard to see. As long as you're there for them, I mean, it's amazing. I recommend it because you never know like who lives you're changing or how they're changing your lives or how different places you can grow and learn because if you don't think that you can grow from, or learn from teenage girls, then that's crazy because you definitely can in ways that you didn't think you can. So I mean, I would definitely recommend it not because I'm a mentor, but because it's something that I never thought about doing. Even after being in group, I love group. I love being it, but I never was like, I wanna be a mentor. You know, I never thought that I had what it took because you guys like our group of mentors, you guys were like, you know, upstanding citizens like, but you actually were there for us. So I mean, I think that's what I learned from it and took from it. And that's what I'd wanna tell other people. And of course there's a dog. So you can't go wrong with the dog. Yeah, I can't go wrong with that. So you would say that those relationships that you develop with those mentors really are invaluable. Yes. And they really benefit from connecting with those mentors. You know, I think of at least once or twice where I picked you up 10 o'clock at night and where mom said, hey, you know, Deja's really having a bad day or a bad night. Can you come over and talk to her? And that's something we did now. Did I have special training to do that now? But I think I really tried to listen to what your issues might be. And that's all I actually ever asked from you. Like it was never, I think when you came and got me a subject that it was never take my side, be on my side. It was never that I think that once you realize that someone's in your corner and just willing to listen to you, even if it's nonsense, it gives you a sense of peace, like a sense of mind that you know that you're not alone in that. I wouldn't necessarily say that you had training in it. Cause I mean, it's not hard to listen to someone. It's not hard to lend an ear. So, but it definitely worked for me. And I see that it works for a lot of the girls now too. You know, sorry that I had to get you up at such late times. Well, as I recall, I said, as long as I can come in my sweats without any makeup, I'll be right there. Yeah. And so, you know, trying to be, trying to be that understanding person, that listening ear. And that was the most important thing, I think. As we were on our way here this morning, we were kind of talking about one of the activities that we're going to do again this year, which is to take the girls camping. And that last year seemed to be one of the most popular activities for the students is that they got to go camping. When we took the students, we took, wanna say there were 11 girls that went and we were gone for four days and three nights. And they loved it. And only two of the girls had ever gone camping before. So for the majority of those girls, that was the first time they had ever been camping. But it seemed like they really enjoyed it. We got done. And they said, let's do this again next year. So that's one of the things that we're going to be doing again this year with them. They seemed to really like it. I remember we went camping and you allowed my sister to come and you allowed some other people and their friends to come. And it was just a whole different experience because not only was it camping, but it was a lady that did yoga. So she actually got us in touch with our mind, body, spirit, stuff like that. So it was really nice because like, when we first went on the camping trip, I was excited that my sister came because I'm like, you're the only person I'm talking to for the rest of the trip. But I think by the end of the trip, I knew everybody's name. We all got to talk. We all got to hang out. We all got to bond in different ways, meditate, do yoga with each other and stuff like that. It was really fun. I enjoyed myself a lot. I think that was my first time going camping too, actually. It was crazy. It was kind of fun. Yeah. But, you know, I think with the scheduling that we try to be as flexible as possible. If somebody wants to be a mentor, there's some mentors that are with us maybe once or twice a month. There's some mentors that are with us every week. I've had a couple of mentors that were with us a couple times a week. We've got mentors that are interns that are going to college that this becomes part of what they're required to do to get their degree. So, and they seem to really enjoy it. And several of them have continued to stay with horizons even once they've gotten that degree where they actually say, I want to stay involved. I like this. It's fun. I enjoy it and I want to keep doing it. And that to me is exciting. To be able to give that added perspective to somebody's life where they're giving back in some way. And that to me is really important. I don't do this because I'm getting rich. I'm doing this because I enjoy it. And hopefully I'm helping students become even better at what they're trying to accomplish. I think you are. If anyone can't see that, then they're blind. Definitely this isn't for your own benefit, like I said, as far as profit-wise or anything else like that. Cause I've seen it in times where you give us the clothes off your back and there's no one looking. There's no one that's gonna be there like, oh, look at this woman. This is what she's doing. Just you can tell that it's really genuine. And that's why you hold a really strong place in everyone's heart, especially for the older kids like me, the ones that are our mentor. We always have to remind the younger ones that like, hey, we were in your shoes, you know? And it's okay to have a bad day, but as long as you respect Shar, that's all we have to offer, you know, is you and your guidance and everything else. And this is something that like, hopefully becomes a legacy, like even after you're gone, which I don't wish anytime soon, but even after it's, everyone has to go sometime. That this keeps going and keeps, you know, keeps multiplying and everything else. And people see what you actually did here and enjoy it and love it and know that this is legit. So, you know. Well, I always talk about that number one rule that you never, ever, ever lie to Shar. Yeah, cause you always find out every time. You know, so you might tell me something I don't like. You might tell me something I don't want to hear, but go ahead and be honest. And I'll accept that and then we'll talk about it. And, you know, I can think of one or two times where I didn't like what you said to me, but I accepted it. And we, I think we both grew from those experiences. Yeah. I think that's where I like grew a lot of respect from you is that like people react to the things I say in different ways and you just never, you can tell that it was always like, all right, if that's how you feel, but how are we gonna get beyond that? You can't just be stuck in this, you know, place for the longest time. You have to, you know, keep moving forward, not look back. And that's something that I had to like learn for myself. You said it to me over and over and over again. And I guess when I got an adult, it really clicked like, all right, you're absolutely right. Like the world doesn't stop. It doesn't revolve around me, even though I would like it too. It doesn't, people still have lies. I have to keep going. So I can't just sit there and be angry and can't just sit there and be in a negative place. And you've, like I said, you've helped me with that a lot. Even like, even when everyone else is like negative around you, I've never seen you become negative. I've never seen that energy get based off and put on you. So that's something I've always wanted to learn to do because you just, you're just this calm, cool, collective person. And I want to be that. All right, sometimes I, like maybe I hid it well, but there were times when it was like, yeah, but we try and learn to embrace where we're at and go from there. Couple of things were quick that I'll mention. We're always doing events. We're always doing fundraising. We've got an event that comes up in September. We're doing an ice cream social that will be at the diversity event that happens at Fountain Park. You get to Culver's is giving us a frozen custard and then you get to top it with ethnic toppings. We're doing a 5K to try and stop bullying since that's something that I think almost every student has experienced bullying. But certainly check out the different things we're doing on our Facebook page, on our website. And if you are thinking you might want to be a mentor, let's have some coffee. Let's talk about it. And I can certainly share with you some of the experiences. I love it. I can't imagine doing anything else. I love what I do with the students. So I definitely invite you to consider that. And I think Deja also does. Yeah. I think those students are your main priority. And I've never seen anything different. So of course, if there's something that anyone wants to do, like I said, it doesn't have to be something that you need to do. It's got to be something that you actually want because that will definitely show. And we'll get you started. It's not hard at all. You will have your complicated days, but who doesn't? Visit our Facebook. Visit the website. Think about being a mentor. I want to thank everybody. And I'll be talking to you again next month.