 Eight years ago, I spent all the money that I had on a girl. I spent all that money going havesies on a computer that was barely nice enough for her to do her art projects on. Now you might be thinking, oh, Chris, that's so sweet. You're such a good guy. No, I'm not. She's actually coming over right now. She knows we're going to be building a PC and she knows she gets to keep it. But what she doesn't know is why we broke up. To make a long story really short, I ghosted this girl. This was someone who was kind, sweet, charming, loving, would go out of their way and at the end of the day would have done anything that I asked. Since this is one of the things that I'm most ashamed of, I wanted to apologize. Now you might be thinking, this is something that should be handled privately. And I agree, but now that I'm older, I've come to understand that there are a lot of guys who actually do this to their first girlfriend. 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And before that you actually made me get a new computer because my cure before that had a floppy disk drive and you said excuse me and I was like yeah dude remember floppy disks. Wait did I post something about that? I think I posted this on Instagram. Did you post it on Instagram? I think I did. That's rude. I didn't know that. Yeah wait! Oh my god I can't believe you have that! Dude that computer was like my ride or die in high school. You were so offended. You like went and bought me a new computer. When you're building a PC the first thing you start with is the motherboard and then you want to install the processor and then you want to put the cooler on top of it and then you want to put RAM into the motherboard. Those are first steps. I took the liberty of pre-installing the processor because I didn't want you to freak out. I'm dumb okay? This is gonna be 15 minutes of me being an idiot. Stop. 15 minutes? You think building a PC takes 15 minutes? Yes. Oh okay cool. I hope you don't have a shift today. And this is the processor. No that's... You pointed at that and said I already did the processing power. That's for wifi. I get it. I don't get it. Okay so do you want to take a guess at what RAM is on this table? RAM? I know RAM is small. Out of all the items on this table which one's RAM? I know that we can rule out this unless it's already on here. It's not on there. Cold. Alright. It's gotta be one of these things. Do I pick... She's not all wrong man. Do I pick... It's this one. It's both. Alright. I was 100% correct and then I went 57% correct. Oh. Or do you think it fits in? Probably on these two slots like here. Yes. Okay. Yeah. I feel like if I push harder like there's cracking noises. Pushing. No. I don't think they're on the right way. No they were the right way. How hard do you have to push? There you go. See? That's to click both sides. Try this one. Okay. Nice. The next step typically what you do is you put the motherboard screwed down into the case. Go ahead. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Dude. Why are you afraid? I'm not. I feel like it's got, there's like resistance and I don't want to break something. Just break it. Break it. It also says tempered glass handle with care. Yeah. I was careful enough. So there's... See this one? Calm. Easy. I like these things. I do too actually. They're enjoyable. I was playing with one earlier and I was really tempted to chew on it. That's not weird. Okay. Oh. I'm so close. Zip ties. I didn't... Political tweezers. These are zip ties. Are you sure? I totally unrelated now. How's your life been for the last few years? You know, it was bad for a hot minute. Full transparency. It's going okay now. How have you been, Chris? I feel like I have to check up on you more. That's kind of like stuff I told you before. It's like some like girl issues, but you know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It's like some like girl issues, but you know. Just kind of work through it. Thank you. Girls suck. I can say that. Yes and no. Well... I don't think girls suck. You're talking to the wrong girls. I guess. No, actually no. Now you kind of write girls do suck. I'm just trying not to generalize. Anyway, if you're a girl who's watching this and you're interested. You don't suck. Do I have to do anything? For the time being, I'll handle some of the scale management. I actually did just want to talk to you and kind of catch up because I haven't. I feel like I haven't talked to you a lot in like the last. And yeah. When were you a freshman in college? 2013. Yeah. It's 2019 now. God, it really has been six years. But you know what Chris? I'm used to it from you. He needs some milk. I uh... There's actually something I wanted to talk to you about that I kind of learned. Which I feel really shitty about. And I feel like it's something that like... I think it's kind of universal, but I'm not entirely sure. I had a friend of mine go through it. And then I had another friend of mine go through it. And then I realized that most people I talked to about this. Better guys have all done this. And maybe this isn't the best time to talk about it. But if I were to just bring it up now. Obviously when things ended it was because like I was shit. And I was like a horrible, horrible, horrible communicator. And... Do you know when it ended? Because I have distinct memories of all of this because it was so traumatizing. It was in December I thought. It was around my birthday. Fuck. Yeah. If this was my birthday it couldn't like be any worse. You get old every year and then I have to relive that moment. That like you were supposed to hang out with me for my birthday. And then you went to L.A. instead. And you're like you can come with me. And I was like motherfucker I work like two jobs. I can't just like up and go to L.A. randomly. Like I gotta make that money. I gotta pay my rent. And I remember crying. I remember crying in bed on my birthday and being like... What I don't know what to do versus I'll mean to me. I'm so low priority. I'm such a whiny bitch. No. You're at 100% right there and I wish I got my ass beat for it. Okay but I... Anyways I didn't mean to interrupt you but... No you're fine. I think it's funny how it's like two 100% different perspectives. So the thing that I've kind of come to learn is that like... And this is like a fucked up thing and I kind of... Maybe I don't hope this but it's just like a sad thing. I feel like there are a lot of guys out there kind of have like a first like love. I guess it's the word it were. For an S.O. or a boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever you want to call it. A date mate. Yes. And then guys... Yeah it's funny. People are people like you know like men are assholes and like the response to that is usually like women are fucking crazy. I've come to realize that like... Wait... I can see why men are assholes. Cause... What I'm trying to say is I've had a lot of friends who kind of agreed on this all... This thing it's like for whatever reason it usually takes a guy fucking over and like a really nice girl who just straight up doesn't deserve any of the bullshit for them to realize wait I'm actually an asshole. From the amount of times I've heard someone say like oh shit I had that too or oh I've done that too it started to sound like it's almost like not a necessary learning experience but like a really fucking common one. Is it like a rite of passage in some respect? I don't know. I feel like that's not a good terminology to use for that. No but like I mean I get what you're saying I'm like it's like the shoe fits I guess I don't know. Women are supposed to be I don't think we should talk about women and men I feel like that is not what you can talk about in the year of 29 today. People you have to... Wait you can't generalize either. I mean... I'll never be able to say like sorry enough incredibly sorry for... I've like forgiven you a thousand times over I just never told you because it's kind of fun to watch you suffer. Even if you are forgiven it doesn't change the fact that like no because you had to treat someone like shit. Yeah well I think it's just interesting because like experiences kind of like define like who you are as a person and stuff and like you forever get that perspective on a situation and it's a perspective that I don't have. Can I tell you why I just kind of stopped communicating? Yeah I actually don't know that. Well I think I assumed why and I respected it. Why? You were busy. You were a busy dude. And ever since I've known you like back when we were like well I'm older than you. Back when you were like 11. No. Anyways in like 2007 you had always like such so bolt oriented and your time was always so like dictated because you were like spending time with you was so hard to get because you were like oh I put tennis practice or like oh I can't like go to this because I have to do this or like school or study and I remember you telling me at one point that you wanted to like do YouTube and like you wanted to do film and you were so interested in that and that is actually something that you told me when we went on a date to Fremont Street. I remember that shit. Yeah. And like you said it with such sincerity and like I believed you. I 100% believed you. I was like I think you can do that. Like and I and it's weird. It's so weird to see you now because I'm like that mother did it. So but you were so focused on like career and like sports and I was not. Like I didn't really set goals for myself and I still don't because I don't like to be like a failure but you were such a hardworking individual and you like understand that hard work pays off. It wasn't it wasn't necessarily because I was busy. I was I wasn't really busy. I always assumed that like you were hustling and I you know got to respect the hustle but in my mind something so true is like going to tennis practice like you can skip practice one time and we can go get brunch but like that was like never an option and it made me feel like that you were hustling. But what were you actually doing? Well in college if I did in college if I skipped anything I was a loss of scholarship but when it was here in town I just like I mean I had like the Asian upbringing even though like I'm only half it's like you know if you don't if you don't do these things if you don't do these things you're bad. We don't love you and I feared that because I mean that's all I knew. I was gonna say the reason my communication with you when I was away in school became accident or became dub was not like just because I was like busy but also because like I was a coward. I don't know if you knew this but I had like really extreme like money insecurity. A lot of like time growing up there was like there was like money issues that were like hitting very well. I had all these like ideas of how you're supposed to treat a woman and like how you're supposed to like spoil them and even like now I have that issue like if I'm dating someone or if I'm seeing someone like I hate this and like now it's like easier to do this but my first instinct is like what's the nicest thing I can do for this person? Because I'm pretty sure when you came to visit me like I think did we go like half on the flight or something? I remember that made me feel like such a dog person. I felt like a scumbag that like you paid it all and the best part was is like it definitely did eat like a chunk of the money that I had like I do remember like I was like I don't want you to feel bad about this but since we're being like honest and shit like I do remember like I was like skipping some meals and shit. It was like a as a call as one of the student athletes is they gave you 50 bucks a week to go off campus and get like a separate meal if you wanted and there was like one place you could go to where you could do like a cash back thing and like to try and like like help pay for that flight I was like doing that shit. That's really interesting that you would equate money and cowardness together. So here's like part of it so like I didn't it's not that I didn't like you and you know when we had that like phone call I was just like hey I need like to figure out what's going on like it's just like working or is it not part of it was just because I was like I can't treat this like I can't I can't do this like financially and it like it made me feel like oh my god I remember it made me feel useless. That's really interesting because I feel like even like with friendships and stuff like money is like the last thing I think about but that's also because like I grew up like the poorest of the poor and like I can appreciate like no I need that. That's why I was That's interesting and also really stupid. Really? I think that's like a really no I feel like that's like so like material like I didn't care that I had to pay like half my flight like I literally was like I really really really really like you like that's I wanted the time I don't ever look back at anything that we have ever done even when we went to circus circus that one time and I know we both had no money but I look at that it's like I had so much fun like goof around. I don't know I just have this idea in my head of like this is how a guy is supposed to be and like you know not up or shut up kind of thing it's like either be able to do that or just like you don't have any business like I feel like there is some truth so like having like an idea of how things should be but like this is real life bitch I had a hard time saying that for a long time and the thing that made it worse is like I finished college now I literally feel bad because like that's really sweet that you call yourself a coward on stuff I literally looked you dead in the ass I was like I respect that but that's dumb and you're like I no I mean like it is it is dumb it's like I feel like that is a dumb reason to throw away like what we had I didn't know better and that's the thing right like I'm sorry it's 2020 I didn't realize it was a word I can't say I didn't know I thought I was I thought I was right I was stupid you know what else no I guess I'm okay with talking about this that I feel shitty about I felt so shitty about like going like halfsies on the PC that made me feel so bad really that's so it made me feel so bad that 8 years later I want to fix it do you want to go ahead and press the power button do you want to look at it from the front you're looking at a plastic so you're coming inside oh it's open woah pop these two in should I start from the bottom and go up whatever you want I mean when I think about it that I've given away so many computers at this point but like that the computer that we got for you is like the closest thing to like me saying what is the first computer I've ever like tried to like get to another person and um I just look back at it now and just be like considering how important to me you were then and even still now I definitely don't think it's right for you to still have that I think this is a much better option yeah see I still have that same like thing is like this is really pretty and I can appreciate it in some respect I don't understand half of anything you told me I am not retaining that knowledge I would be like see it lights up and this is the power button and I wasn't allowed to touch a lot of stuff because it was complicated I fucked around with all the extra pieces see I look at it like this is cool um it sounds super like over the top for like what I plan on doing with it which is uh watching cartoons and then um and yeah I love it so much because it's something we got to make together I'm like such a weird sentimental person like it was the time spent together making it that I love it because this was fun usually you install windows and that's it yeah and then the drivers will be about 20 more minutes oh that sucks this part sucks haha