 the reason why narcissists are so controlling the narcissist feels a compelling need to control you it is overwhelming for them but they cannot resist it they need to have the power to influence and direct your behavior and the course of events they need to be able to restrict certain activities or tendencies they need to have the means to limit or regulate something they need to be able to maintain influence and authority over you the narcissist has no power of their own they do not possess the ability or capacity required to control you they have to trick you into giving your power to them they have to domesticate you they have to tame you as though you are a pet or a slave you have to be under their control at all times for them to feel comfortable for them to feel free from stress or tension if you don't submit to their demands you will be subjected to manipulation threats coercive abuse and anything else the narcissist seems necessary to control you the narcissist feels a compelling need to control you because in their minds they do not feel in control they do not feel as though they have the power to influence and direct your behavior at the course of events they do not feel as though they have the ability to restrict certain activities or tendencies they do not feel as though they have the means to limit or regulate something or maintain influence and authority over you this then makes them feel as though they are not in control it makes them feel as though they can no longer manage you as though they no longer have any power over you this is what then makes them feel this compelling need to control you the narcissist has to control you to serve their own needs they have to abuse you to serve their own needs they will then use the situation to lock you in and maintain control over you they have to dominate you they have to have power and influence over you they have to be the most important will clearly visible person they have to attract notice or attention they have to be seen they cannot let you outshine them they cannot allow you to be viewed as more important or more visible than them as this then has an effect on their image it has an effect on the general impression that they present to the public which then affects how they feel about themselves it affects their self-worth self-esteem and self-importance which are all externally regulated through the validation of other people which is why they have to control you they have to control how other people see you and they have to control how you see yourself they have to try to put you beneath them so that they don't feel inferior to you but you are superior to them and they are fully aware of this which is why they have to break you down and target your self-esteem to make you feel as though you are beneath them which then makes you more controllable it makes you more capable of being directed or influenced it improves their ability to manage the general impression of you and of themselves that they present to the public which then improves their ability to manage how they feel about themselves it improves their ability to regulate their self-worth self-esteem and self-importance there is a saying of how there are two ways to build the biggest building in town you can either build the biggest building in town or you can tear down all the other buildings around you and this is what narcissists do they have to tear you down beneath them so that it creates the illusion that they are above you but if you already believe that you've built the tallest building there is no need to tear anyone else down but this is what narcissists have to do because they are not only fully aware that they are beneath you but they also know that they do not possess the capabilities or potential to be superior to you and yet they have this compelling need to control you so the only other thing they can do is tear you down and try to put you beneath them this then prevents you from outshining them and creates the illusion that they are superior to you but they are not superior to you and they know this they know that you are greater than them and this is why they have to tear you down they see that you are above them and they feel fear they feel threatened they feel these unpleasant emotions caused by the threat of danger pain or harm but this isn't any real physical harm that they are afraid of it is the harm that your capabilities and potential your physical presence might cause to the image or false self that they present to the public which then affects how they feel about themselves it may not present any real physical harm to them but in their minds it is life threatening because it is threatening the false self that they portray to the world and when you threaten the false self that they have created as an adaptation to how they really feel about themselves they do feel as though their lives are in danger they do feel as though they are dying as though they cease to exist because it's just a fabrication it isn't built on anything real or genuine it has no foundation no underlying basis or principles so naturally if you confront them or try to reason with them they will crumble they will fall apart and they will even try to bring you down with them the narcissist is so controlling because they feel fear they feel threatened they are afraid of you and see you as someone who is likely to be dangerous painful or harmful to their image or to their false self when you are in their presence or when you are around them they feel vulnerable or at risk they feel the need to protect or defend their image or false self which is why they will then take hostile action against you they will show or feel opposition or dislike they will become very unfriendly towards you they will become very aggressive or confrontational and this could be in retribution for something you have done or something you have not done it could be for an action or display that made them feel inferior to you or it could be for the lack of action or display such as invalidating their image or false self causing them to feel as though they are not important or as though they are not of great significance or value this all poses a serious threat to their image or their false self and it causes them to become fearful of you and this is what causes them to feel this compelling need to control you they want to control the thing that they are fearful of they want to control the thing that they feel threatened by they want to control how you see yourself and how other people see you because you pose a serious threat to their image or their false self which then affects how they see themselves control is their essential defense against the risk of receiving a narcissistic injury or receiving a blow to their ego or self-esteem thank you for watching i hope this video resonated with you please like comment share and subscribe click the bell icon to receive notifications for my future videos if you would like to donate my PayPal links in the video description coaching inquiries you can email me at nags for other coaching at gmail.com thank you for watching and i'll talk to you soon