 hey survivors and frivers in this video i am going to be discussing how and why you should go no contact with narcissists please like the video share your thoughts in the comments subscribe if you haven't subscribed yet and click the bell icon to receive notifications for my future videos if you would like to donate my paypal link is in the video description if you are interested in one-on-one coaching you can email me at noxvivercoaching at gmail.com we have a new Reddit community where survivors and frivers can share their personal experience and knowledge it is a private community where each person has to be accepted before they can come in so there will not be any narcissists or toxic people there if you would like to sign up to our reddit community you can do this through the patreon page the link is in the video description how to go no contact with narcissists whether it's your relationship partner family member friend or anyone else a narcissist will affect you and your life in such a negative way they will abuse and manipulate you devalue and degrade you publicly humiliate and exploit you they will develop an obsession with controlling everything about you and your life the longer you are around them the more your life will adapt to the way that they want it to be and that's never going to be anything good narcissists are pathologically envious and jealous any happiness satisfaction or fulfillment you experience will trigger them to reflect on how miserable, dissatisfied and unfulfilled they are with their lives you were specifically targeted by them so that they could use you to regulate their self-worth self-esteem and their emotions for this to work they have to be able to look down on you you have to be worse often than them in every aspect of your life for them to relieve the painful feelings they have of being worthless and insignificant they have to project these feelings onto you they have to make you feel worthless and insignificant they have to do certain things to you to make you feel hate or anger towards them they have to manage your life in a way where you have nothing or whatever you have they will always have more than you this is designed to make you envious or jealous of them the reason for this is because narcissists are pathologically envious and jealous they are full of hate and anger they do not self reflect or look within so they can never resolve these painful feelings their way of temporarily relieving this pain is to project those emotions onto you so this is why they will obsessively abuse you to make you feel hatred or anger towards them this is why they will obsessively control you or manage what you have to make you feel envious or jealous of them they are already hateful and angry towards you as whatever a narcissist has they can never be satisfied or fulfilled while you could have the bare minimum and still be happy so because of this narcissists will be pathologically envious and jealous of you because whatever you have whatever you do or experience as long as it is positive it will reflect on them and how miserable dissatisfied and unfulfilled they feel for them to regulate these emotions they must control or manage whatever you have do or experience in life as long as you are in contact with them this is all that they will do they will abuse and manipulate you devalue and degrade you publicly humiliate and exploit you control everything about you in your life they will even control other people's perceptions of you and the environment this is designed to keep you in a box to prevent you from hurting them or causing a narcissistic injury remember anything you have do or experience has a potential to trigger them to reflect on how miserable dissatisfied and unfulfilled they feel so you will endlessly feel as though you are walking on eggshells afraid to achieve or obtain anything afraid to do or experience anything because any little thing could set them off i have had experiences where i was afraid to even open my mouth and talk or even leave the house once the narcissist has micromanaged your life and placed you in the box any little thing could trigger them and they could even become physically abusive towards you as long as you stay in that box the narcissist is able to use you to regulate their self-worth self-esteem and their emotions but once you step out of that box and start achieving or obtaining things having experiences this will trigger the narcissist to reflect on how miserable dissatisfied and unfulfilled they feel they will become hateful angry envious and jealous towards you because they don't self reflect they will not accept responsibility for how they feel instead they are going to blame you for their feelings they will then abuse manipulate devalue and degrade you even more in an attempt to regulate these emotions the narcissist does not acknowledge that maybe you might want to achieve or obtain something or have experiences the narcissist sees you as an extension of them someone to project their negative qualities and traits onto or as an object that exists to serve them narcissists are self-absorbed and lack empathy it's all about them they will only use you for their own gain this is not a healthy or productive way to live you are not allowed to achieve or obtain anything more than than the narcissist you are not allowed to have your own experiences outside of the narcissist you are not allowed to experience any form of happiness satisfaction or fulfillment any form of fun depending on your situation you may not be allowed to have a social circle a job hobbies an interest your own money maybe you're not even allowed to leave the house this is really damaging to your psychological emotional and even physical health you have free will to do whatever you want in your life and no narcissist has the right to take that away from you so if the narcissist is controlling your life trying to stop you from living your life you really need to get out of there when you are going no contact from the narcissist you need to detach your emotions from them you need to stop thinking about what they are doing or how they might be feeling about you go going no contact with them you need to stop ruminating on past events or anticipating any hoover attempts the narcissist might make focus on yourself focus on improving yourself and your life focus on your recovery make the most of each day don't spend too much time sitting around at home this will only give you more time to think about them you may do you may need to process some experiences and emotions from dealing with them set aside some time each day where you can focus on these thoughts and feelings if you start thinking about them while you are going about your day just remind yourself that you have set aside some time for that the narcissist may try to hoover you they might try to test if you are still interested or emotionally attached to them you must continue to go no contact do not respond to any form of contact from them they are not looking to benefit you in any way they do not have your best interest in mind they are only looking to use you for whatever it is they need in that moment if you see them in person do not start a conversation with them if they decide to talk to you use the gray rock technique i have talked about this in my video how to cope with an narcissist if they ask questions give yes or no answers do not open up to them do not reveal any of your thoughts or feelings do not hold long conversations tell them that you need to go you have things to do remember narcissists use conversations to emotionally abuse and manipulate you it is also a transfer of energy when you are having conversations with them you are absorbing their negative energy you have to be consistent with no contact or it will not work the narcissist might test you to see if you are still interested or emotionally attached to them they might try to make you laugh or act as though they have something to give you they will want to return to the love bombing phase so that they can secure you as a source of supply all over again you have to remain consistent while you were with the narcissist they learned you they know how to push your buttons they know what might make you want to come back they know what would normally make you respond to them remember they are predators they study your behaviors this is why you have to be consistent with no contact once you go no contact with the narcissist you will be able to live your life the way that you would like you will start to recover your energy you will become so much happier it can be difficult at first as you may have developed a trauma bond or attachment to the narcissist but over time this will go away and you will start to recover from the abuse as long as you stay with the narcissist nothing is going to change or at least nothing will change in a positive way it usually gets worse as time goes by as they begin to normalize their dysfunctional behavior and become hypersensitive to any little thing you might achieve obtain or experience they then have to abuse you more and more to get the same relief rush of adrenaline or excitement they had when they first started abusing you this is how backhanded compliments or put downs can soon turn into physical abuse rape or even murder abuse is progressive it escalates with each episode this is why you really need to go no contact even if you haven't experienced any physical or sexual abuse narcissistic abuse is more damaging it can cause brain damage mental illnesses complex post-traumatic stress disorder adrenal fatigue and many more psychological emotional and physical health problems when you go no contact with the narcissist you need to be cautious rejection will cause a narcissist's injury which could lead to them attempting to harm you in some way some narcissists will even harass and stalk you for years you need to be very careful around these types of people especially as you are going no contact as you never know how they are going to react once you have caused a narcissist's injury going no contact will affect them they might have an arrested development but they are still human they still fear loss psychopaths might be different they feel fear but have trouble in automatic detection and responsibility to threat but narcissists will be affected by you go no contact it will cause a narcissist's injury they will feel that you are withdrawn from them and they will be emotionally affected by this they will become anxious and they will be thinking about you some narcissists may harass and stalk you even after you go no contact they have a sense of arrogance and entitlement in their mind you are an extension of them or an object assigned to serve them when you go no contact with a narcissist you are sending them a very powerful message you are telling them that you can live without them you do not need them this will also make you feel more confident having this independence of them will boost your self-worth self-esteem self-assurance self-belief and self-respect you can live your life without their obsessive control without being abused and manipulated every day no more devaluation or being degraded no more public humiliation or exploitation you can be free to live your life the way that you want to live you can develop social circles start a new career have hobbies and interests you can recover from narcissistic abuse and have healthy relationships you can be what you want to be do what you want to do you can be you thank you for watching i hope this video resonated with you please like comment share and subscribe talk to you soon