 Seem to get my shit right. There you go. On with the show. Hello everybody, E here. Welcome back to another book review. Today, we are talking about a book I don't have a physical copy of yet, so I'll put the cover right here. I'll probably have to work on the title of the video too because they just won't let me upload what it is. So we're talking about Unfuck Yourself by Gary John Bishop. This book meant the world to me while I was listening to it. I've actually listened to it twice, just one chapter every night, and then I started right back over again, started listening to it again. A little bit about myself. When I talk about these nonfiction books, it's really hard for me to review nonfiction or self-help or whatever this is called. And I don't normally like self-help, but I thought the title was funny and I needed to check it out. I don't really know how to review a nonfiction book. Some would say I don't know how to review a fiction book, but so I'm just gonna talk about personal experience and what this book meant to me. More than anything else, I found in this book some affirmations to things that I believe some validation, if affirmations isn't the right word, validation. And some of the things that I've thought for a long time. While some people might read this book or listen to this book and think this guy is full of shit because their depression is real and sometimes our feelings overweigh, our thoughts and emotions overweigh everything else. I have broken through some of my manic depressive traits. I have broken through with this stuff in the past. One of the things he harps on in the book and he really drives it home is to just go ahead and do. Whether or not you feel like it or not, there is nothing keeping you physically from going out and doing. And yes, I know, trust me. I understand there's gonna be people down in the comments that say depression is real. I understand depression is real. Like I said, I am clinically manic depressive. I have many, luckily at this point in my life I have more manic days than I have depressive days. But all the same, I still manage to get through and get work done when I am in depressed. When I'm in a depressive state. But at times when I think that I'm not gonna make it. Times when I think that I am not worth it. And that actually happens quite a bit. Times when the depression hurts just as much as my back pain. If you don't know, I've had five back surgeries since 2005, 2005, 2008, 2011, 2014, 2016. Technically, they fixed me in 2016. But to go from someone who is completely 100% able bodied in 2005 to being handicapped or disabled, whatever you wanna call it. In that period of time, it changed a lot about me. On top of that, I kicked heroin in 2001. But yet I am back on opiate painkillers. Not really high stuff. All I'm taking right now is Norco 7.5. It's working just fine. I'm not on the Oxy's or any of that stuff anymore. So that stuff is in the rear view. I'm trying to work and manage my pain as allowed. Sometimes I'll go get something for breakthrough pain. But that's usually like 12 pills just to get me through the week to get the flare up to calm down. And what I had in 2016 was a fusion. So anyways, going on to this. Every single day I get up and I come out to this office. I come out here no matter what, no matter if I'm feeling suicidal. And yes, I still feel suicidal. There is no cure for my condition. I am not on medication. I was on something. I was on a colonopin a while back. I'm not on that anymore. But I still have the condition. I still wake up some days thinking, I don't wanna be in this world. And it is nothing more than the feeling that I don't fit in, that I don't exist. And there's no reason for me to be here. I have an amazing family. I have a loving wife, two amazing, intelligent, beautiful children. I am a happy guy. We are very, very comfortable in where we are and what we're doing. But I still feel sometimes like the world is crumbling in on me. And I'm not, even though I'm a creative, I have a lot of things. So actually, I sent an email, someone sent me an email last night about sure things in the creative industry. I have a lot of sure things that will be there, even if all of this crumbles, even if the self-publishing crumbles, even if, you know, whatever, all these non-sure things crumble. I still will have an income that will support my family. So while I am very comfortable, while I have all these wonderful, terrific things in my life, I still wake up some mornings wanting to kill myself. And that's just, that's honesty. I'm a fat dude, I'm disabled, you know, but those things are tiny, minuscule in my mind. They are minuscule things in comparison to all the good stuff in my life. So I'm not trying to have a pity party. We're just talking honestly here. Now, those days when I feel like that, I come out and I write. Will you be able to do that? I don't know. I honestly can't say because I am not in your head. But physically, there is nothing keeping you down unless of course you have a disability that keeps you in bed, then you can grab your tablet and write. Or that would be me because that's what I have done when I couldn't get out of bed is I wrote on my tablet. So that outlet is always there. As long as you are alive, you are capable of doing something, but some of the time our brains get in the way. It's like, I don't wanna do this, I don't wanna do that, but you need to. You need to get up if you can. You need to do something and get out of your own head. And that's all this book is about and I love it. And at no point in time, I saw some reviews that said this, but at no point in time does this man say that depression isn't real, that your thoughts and feelings are not valid. In fact, in the book he says that I'm not saying your thoughts and feelings are not valid. He's not saying that. What he's saying that is it is a constant war. It is a battle to defeat those negative feelings and emotions. And while we might not always be able to defeat those negative emotions, we can bypass them. And that's all I do by coming out to this office every day and talking to you guys or writing or editing or any number of writing blog posts, any of the number of things that I do throughout my day to make sure that my family is supported, to make sure that there's always something coming in to make sure that we have a stable, if not comfortable life, but we are very comfortable right now. So, that being said, have you guys listened to this book? I would love for you to share your own feelings on the subject, even if you completely disagree with me, even if you think, dude, there's no way possible for me to get out of the bed in the morning. Tell me that down there in the comments. If I disagree with you adamantly, I probably just won't respond, but I will at least see it and I will understand your point of view. And if you're rude, I'll just delete you, you know what I mean. But anyways, until next time, I have been E, you've been U, this has been another book review, kinda, I'll talk to you guys later, bye bye. You know, I won't get a, I always look for the worst in things, so I don't expect a whole lot of negative comments on this video. But I just imagine that there are going to be people that no matter what, believe a certain way and they're gonna be stuck on that. And yes, depression is painful, all that stuff, and it can make you feel like you are worthless. It can make you feel like you can't do, but you can't. I mean, that's the honest truth. As someone who is clinically manic depressive, you can't. But one of the things, this is the spoiler section. It's kinda funny doing a spoiler section for a nonfiction book. But toward the end of the book, he talks about you are going to die one day. You are going to not be here. You are going to cease to exist. And that's what hit me the most. And that's one of the things that even before I listened to this book, way back in the day, and laying it up in the hospital room, knowing that I had, I didn't know how long, it ended up being three months of rehab to do, I was still here. I still had a chance to do. And I have in the past attempted suicide by taking an insane amount of pain medicine and Xanax. And then the very next day, I sold a book for $25,000. And I always think about those things when I hear people have killed themselves or I hear people are thinking about suicide. Tomorrow might not always be better. It might not get better. But tomorrow is always a chance for it to get better.