Title: Rocky
Artists: The Lonely Island
Album: Turtleneck & Chain
Lyrics:
Here's a little story that I think you'll like,
It's not about Shaq or Iron Mike,
So buckle your seatbelts, it's gonna get choppy,
And listen to the tale of the time I fought Rocky.
One day me and all my friends were hangin',
Talkin' 'bout which of the girls was most bangin',
Then one friend says, "You know who's really tough?
"Rocky," (hit me home) "the boxer." Man,
I said, "Yeah I know him. What about him?" He said,
"He's really tough." "No way, man. I'm calling your bluff,
"I think that I can take him and, to prove my point,
"I'll challenge him in public." (Yeah, that's the joint!)
So the very next day, stayed true to my word,
And I snuck on T.V. so I could be heard,
I said, 'Rocky, if you're out there, I think you're a nerd.
"And I'll lick you and bury you like a dog turd!"
I got kicked out, but the candle was lit,
'Cause the people had to know if my claim was legit,
It made the headlines and I got the call,
It was Rocky ("Hey") and he wanted to brawl.
We negotiated terms and set the date,
Then I went into training to add some muscle weight,
While I punched on meat in a rickety shack,
He was sippin' on wine, having models rub his back.
At the weigh-in, boy the tension was high,
Me and Rock, toe-to-toe and eye-to-eye,
I talked some trash, we got pulled apart,
I shot him one last look to strike fear in his heart.
Skip ahead, the big night was finally here,
My body was ripped and my mind was clear,
We entered the arena to the roar of the crowd,
People chantin' my name - I never felt so proud.
Faced off once more in the center of the ring,
Touched gloves, said a prayer and the bell went *ding*
He hit me with a left and shattered my face,
And a right sent my teeth all over the place.
Then another great punch caved-in my eye socket,
He broke my jaw and my trainer yelled, "Stop it!"
But nobody heard him and he crushed my ribs,
Blood sprayed off my face and onto some kids.
They yelled out, "More!" and Rocky obliged,
I had to think of some way to turn the tides,
So I leaned back to hit him with all of my might,
Took a swing, but he caught me with a sucker punch right.
Then a sucker punch left and a sucker punch right,
Then twenty-two consecutive sucker punch rights,
He tore off my arms and beat me with 'em,
Then threw acid in my face which obscured my vision.
He kicked me in the leg and fractured my shin,
The bone splinters shot right out of my skin,
People barfed in the crowd; they were going insane,
And Rocky punched my nose-bone into my brain.
I was quivering and twitching when I soiled my shorts,
Then Rocky pissed on me, (customary in sports)
The doctor came out and pronounced me dead,
And that was the night I fought Rocky.
