 Section 8 of A Hypocritical Romance and Other Stories. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Caroline Sears. A Hypocritical Romance and Other Stories by Caroline Ticknor. A Bag of Popcorn. Jeremiah Tufts was packing up his things to go home, he told his friend Sam Wilkins. Though when he stopped to think the matter over, he had to own to himself that the place he was about to leave was in reality much more his home than the one for which he was bound. Sam had dropped in upon him and was watching with a troubled look his preparations to leave the place he had occupied for so many years. It was hard for Sam to get over the shock which he had experienced when his friend had suddenly announced his decision to return east. And he tried in vain to reconcile Jeremiah's usual calm and stallid demeanor with his apparent feverish anxiety to be off at once. He sat on a rude chair which Jeremiah had always considered one of his triumphs in furniture manufacture and puffed his clay pipe. Jeremiah was nailing up in a large packing case such of his household goods as he deemed worthy of transportation. I hope you'll help yourself, Sam, to anything that strikes you as available. He remarked, taking a nail out of his mouth and preparing to drive it into the case. I shan't tote any of the furniture away with me. He added, reflectively. It ain't much of anything to speak of, but it might come in handy, some of it. This liberality elicited no response from Sam, who continued to regard him seriously, shaking his head. It ain't natural, and I can't say it seems right to me. He said at last, why not? I should like to know why ain't it right and natural to give away a lot of old things I've got no further use for? You don't understand me, Jeremiah. It wasn't the furniture I was referring to. It was to yourself, man. Here you've lived and worked among us quiet and contented these twenty years, and everything about here seemed to suit you. I've heard you say time and again that no place ever combined to satisfy you like this. And now, all of a sudden, you pack up and say you're going to leave us. There's something extraordinarily wrong the matter with you, Jeremiah, I'm afraid, and I wish you'd let me ask the doctor to come round and take a look at you. Jeremiah, having finished nailing up the packing case, drew himself slowly up on top of it and sat there regarding his friend. Don't you be aware in about me, Sam. I want never better in my life. Moreover, I'd like to make one remark, which is, if it ain't right and natural for a man to want to go and end his days in his own native town, I want to know what is right and natural. Yes, if you have a home we're waiting for you, but you've told me many a time that you hadn't a relation in the world, and you've allowed how you was pretty much a pilgrim and a stranger altogether. Jeremiah cleared his throat. You don't understand, he said. It's the old associations and points of interest. And he hesitated, I'd mighty like to look up a few of the old friends. If you'd been anxious about looking them up, I should have thought you'd have sought about it before this. Likely you'd have found more of them standing round to receive you ten years ago than you will now. A deep shade of melancholy rested upon Jeremiah's face. I wish I had started ten years ago, he said sadly. He was silent for a moment and then went on. I've been saving up something and I believe it's enough to answer for my being tolerably comfortable from now on, with a margin to pay for a respectable monument in the old burying ground on the hill. His friend again shook his head doubtfully. It won't do, he said. There's something you're keeping back, Jeremiah. You've always been fair and square with me, old man. What's starting off? Jeremiah heaved a deep sigh. You always was as curious as a woman, he said. I reckon it's a good failing to resemble them as much as we can. Sam remarked, placidly, they'd generally get there. Jeremiah had opened a small black trunk which stood in one corner of the room and taken out a white pasteboard box. He removed the cover and displayed a quantity of very old and yellow popcorn which was running out of a torn crumpled paper bag. It's on account of this bag of popcorn, I'm going home. He said, all on account of this. What? Gasped Sam, confirmed in his suspicions that Jeremiah had taken leave of his senses. Go and eat on account of a bag of popcorn? Man, are you crazy? I shouldn't wonder if I was, Jeremiah said calmly, but I'm going, Sam, nevertheless. Don't look at me like that. I'll tell you about that popcorn. It wasn't just the bag of popcorn, it was something more. It was a note, Sam, a note that went with it, written to me 30 years ago. From his breast pocket he carefully drew a rumpled piece of paper which he regarded mournfully while Sam watched him in amazement. Then he held it out to Sam with a trembling hand. I guess I may as well let you read it since it was 30 years ago. He said, you'll find the writing pretty much faded. He added, drawing the back of his hand across his eyes. Sam took the letter and, searching in his pocket, succeeded in securing a pair of spectacles which he slowly adjusted and then fixed his most profound attention upon the scrap of paper. I don't mind your reading it out, now you're at it, Jeremiah timidly suggested, and with a good deal of difficulty his friend deciphered the following. Dearest Jeremiah, knowing your liking for popcorn and I put this note at the bottom of the bag, feeling sure that you'll not be long in reaching it so you cannot be very far on your journey before you know what I said last night was all a mistake. I didn't suppose you really meant it when you said you were going away. If I had I should have begged you not to go for you must know that I do care for you, dear Jeremiah, more than for all the world besides. I know that you will forgive me and come back sometime and when you do you will find me waiting as ever and forever yours, Amanda Welby. Sam took off his spectacles and looked at Jeremiah. Well, that's very pretty, but what's a note writ 30 years ago to do with your going off? It seems to me you're mighty stupid, said Jeremiah fretfully. Can't you understand I never got it in all these long long years and he sat down and buried his head in his hands. Well, I declare, murmured Sam, Jeremiah paced up and down the room with his hands in his pockets. Amanda Welby was the finest girl in all the county. He went on excitedly. All the boys were after her to take her to the fair or to the circus or to see her home from meeting. But somehow she always seemed to rather take a particular shine to me until I came to feel about sure that Amanda thought a good sight of my keeping company with her. In fact, she'd as much as told me so once or twice. All at once I had a chance to go west and make my fortune as they all said and I thought I'd go for a while as there wasn't much of an opening in Greenboro. When I came to spring it upon Amanda, I thought she didn't care for she kind of laughed and asked me why I suppose she'd care so much about my going east or west. I might have known she didn't mean it. After the kindness she'd showed me along of Mother's funeral but I was angry and went home and packed up my things that night. In the morning, just as I was starting out, I saw her little cousin running over with a bundle in his hand. Cousin Amanda said to be sure to give you this, he called out. I snatched it from him and untied the string and looked inside. It was popcorn. Amanda had sent me a bag of popcorn. That was pretty tough. Add an insult to injury, that's what it seemed to me. When I saw him coming over I rather thought to myself that she'd been a reconsidering and when I laid eyes on that popcorn I tell you I was mad. I grabbed the bag to throw it down the road right there but on second thoughts I opened my belize and tucked it in to remind me of the heartlessness and perfidy of women. From that day to this I have never tasted one grain of popcorn but I kept that bag shut up in a box where it was a warning against the whole lot. If I ever saw a face that I liked the looks of I'd just go home and take off the cover of that box though torrent very often that I did it for I never saw anyone attracted me as Amanda did. Well I'd kind of begun to think I'd stay here always and I hadn't so much as seen that old white box for years when I came across it a few days ago. I was sorting out some old things and the box fell out and when I opened it the bag was broken open and the note was sticking out of it like the finger of fate. Oh Sam, to think of my waiting thirty years to read it. Sam rose and laid his hand on his friend's shoulder. Don't excite yourself so Jeremiah, he said, but think it over calmly and I reckon you'll decide to stay here with your friends. Don't go back East just for sorrow and disappointment. You can't calculate that any woman's been waiting around thirty years for you. Most likely she took up with the next one that come along. I don't know I'd blame her if she did, protested Jeremiah, and she may be dead and gone long for this. Sam concluded solemnly. Jeremiah bowed his head submissively. His friend was silent for a few moments and then ventured. Don't you think you better make up your mind to stay with us? Jeremiah rose majestically. Stay with you. He exclaimed almost scornfully, then noting his friend's grieved expression. He continued more gently. I'm sorry to leave all of you folks here, but I wouldn't stay longer and it takes to get my things off if he gave me every gold mine in this state and the rest of the country thrown in. Those inhabitants of Greenborough who had lived there for the past thirty years and had witnessed the gradual changes going on around them during that time could not easily have understood the emotions which struggled in the breast of Jeremiah Tufts as he slowly wended his way up the main street of the village and looked about him. The picture of the place as he left it had always remained clearly imprinted on his mind and although in coming back he had prepared himself for a goodly number of improvements and changes he had expected nothing like the transformation which greeted his eyes. He turned his steps toward the old tavern but on reaching the spot he was confronted by a large modern hotel which was pervaded by an air of bustle and activity and presented itself in all the doubtful glory of electric bells and bellboys with brass buttons. The quiet composure of the old tavern with its portly proprietor smoking his long pipe feet upon the Piazza Rail was a thing of the past. Jeremiah surrendered his valise to a porter and wrote his name submissively in an imposing register which one of the brisk clerks pushed towards him. After a late dinner served an accountless number of little dishes he started out to make the acquaintance of this new Greenborough. The boyish enthusiasm which he had felt as he stepped lightly off the train was rapidly leaving him and he walked slowly down the street feeling that he was like the Greenborough of thirty years ago a thing of the past. He saw a postman with a shiny bag going about distributing letters and watched the bright electric cars which ran to the next town rushing by him until he began to question whether this was really Greenborough after all. Everywhere the old stores had disappeared and large blocks had arisen in their stead. He caught a glimpse of the old bearing-ground on the hill, however, which reassured him and he turned his steps towards it. On the way he passed a new and thriving grocery store which bore on its sign a familiar name. He went in and asked if he could see Deacon Holden. The Deacon had always been a good-natured man in whom Jeremiah had found a firm friend on many occasions when he and the other village youths had indulged in juvenile pranks. The clerk looked at him in astonishment and remarked coldly that the old Deacon had been dead these fifteen years. Jeremiah quite resented his calling the Deacon old for he thought of him as he had seen him last in the prime of life with his genial smile measuring out sugar for his customers and putting in a little extra after the scales tipped instead of scooping some out as the clerk before him was doing. Jeremiah walked sadly over to a counter where he saw a pile of popcorn in bags and obeying the dictates of a contrite spirit. He bought a bag and strolled down the street eating some as he went. The flavour of it seemed to bring back as if it were only yesterday a night when he drove a man to home from the county fair by moonlight. He remembered what an ideal flavour the popcorn had that he ate during that drive. This did not taste at all like it and he thrust the bag into his pocket and strode towards the cemetery. He could not make up his mind to turn his steps towards the little white cottage which used to stand half a mile beyond in the crossroad. He felt sure that he would find it gone or deserted and learn that its former occupants were dead or scattered. He entered the old bearing ground appalled at the number of white marble slabs which had arisen to testify to the changes that thirty years had wrought in Greenboro. He walked to the upper end of the ground where under an old elm he found one familiar spot. Here two simple slate tablets marked the resting place of his mother and father. The lichens which covered the stones wholly obscured the lettering. But to Jeremiah all the letters presented themselves as clearly as when he first watched them cut upon the stones. He sat down on a little iron stool that he had placed there almost thirty-five years before and looked affectionately at the old stones. Here, at all events, he felt at home. Someone had kept the lot in perfect order. It was not overgrown with weeds like many others up in that old corner where the white marble was almost an unknown quantity. And Jeremiah wondered who could have planted myrtle on the two graves. Were there then some old friends who still felt an interest in his mother and father? He walked a short distance to the well-be lot and then paused in fear, not daring to read the names of the additional stones there. But at last he nerved himself and stepped near enough to read the inscriptions. He read the names of Amanda's father and mother on two rather pretentious tablets and then turned tremblingly towards a third and smaller stone. It bore the name of Jerusha. She was Amanda's younger sister. A wave of thankfulness swept over him. But it was only a momentary relief. For, as he threaded his way along in a joining path, I fell upon another stone. He stopped and stood fixedly confronting it while a cold chill crept over him as he read again and again the words Amanda, beloved wife of Ezra Parks in the 27th year of her age. Jeremiah dropped on his knees by the stone and buried his head in his hands. So she had married Ezra Parks. Great, awkward Ezra Parks. Surely she never could have cared for him. For time and time again Jeremiah had heard her say she couldn't bear the sight of him. What would he not give to know whether those few short years had been happy ones? He who had been her husband could never tell him. For a few feet distant another stone marked the spot where Ezra himself had been laid 19 years later. Jeremiah pressed his lips against Amanda's name cut in the cold slate. After 30 years I have come back dear, he murmured. Oh, if I had only known it sooner it was cruel, too cruel. Yes, I forgive you for marrying him. I know you waited. Waited for one word from me which never came. He turned away bitterly murmuring. I will go back to the west. Sam was right. There's only sorrow and disappointment here. He returned to his little iron seat and sat there watching the sun go down. The glory of the sunset seemed to mock his loneliness but the two mounds of myrtle brought him a sort of consolation such as the actual presence of his mother and father might have brought him. At last he rose and started down the hill. As he passed Amanda's grave he thought how bare and deserted it looked and he determined to bring some flowers to leave there before he went away. He mechanically turned his steps toward the little white cottage. Perhaps it might be still standing after all and he might get some flowers from the well-remembered garden to put on Amanda's grave. She used to be so fond of the flowers in that garden. He turned a bend in the road and suddenly came in sight of the small white cottage. It looked the same in every particular. Here alone nothing had changed. Saved the trees which had grown so much taller and denser. Neat and trim seemed everything with the same clusters of roses shading the porch and as he neared the spot he could see that smoke curled up from the wide brick chimney but no sound could be heard about the house except the chirp of the crickets. He remembered how in the old times of a summer evening Mrs. Wellby's pleasant face could always be seen on the little porch as she sat with her knitting while the three girls sat on the steps and chatted and laughed with the friends who dropped in. The flowers were much as of old in the garden. As Jeremiah approached the fence and looked over a delicate odor of mignonette was wafted towards him which seemed to have faced those 30 years and make him a boy again. A slender figure was moving gently about with a watering pot at the end of the garden and he stood and watched her until his eyes grew misty for something in the way she moved reminded him of Amanda. He would at least go in and ask her if he might have some flowers. He opened the gate and walked up the path in the dusk so quietly that she did not hear him until he stood almost beside her. Then as she suddenly turned to fill the watering pot from a pail nearby she saw him standing there and in her astonishment she dropped the watering pot. Jeremiah gallantly stooped and restored it to her while something he knew not what brought his heart up into his mouth. I ask your pardon for coming upon you so unexpected. He began hat and hand and he paused. It was a bit sudden, she said a little nervously and beginning to tremble she could not tell why. Surely he thought her voice is very like Amanda's. I wanted to get a few flowers to put on a grave in the burying ground. He went on and I thought if you did not consider it too great a liberty I'd ask you to give me just a... He stopped and gasped. For heaven's sake, be you Amanda! Some familiar tone in his voice made her start and she came a step nearer. Yes I am she replied hesitatingly. Though there's a few to call me Amanda now and you she questioned doubtfully. Jeremiah seized both her hands. Amanda he cried look at me hard. Don't you know me? Ain't there a speck of the old look left? He held her hands with a grip like iron while she trembled from head to foot. At last her lips moved and she murmured it can't be. It can't be. He's dead long ago. Jeremiah is dead. I'm not dead Amanda. Jeremiah cried throwing his arms about her. I've come back to you. I'm alive. I'm as live as they make them. I'm a sight live her and I ever was before and I love you better than ever Amanda and that's why I've come back. Amanda's fixed and stony gaze had changed to ecstasy and tears and she dropped her head on his shoulder sobbing. The Lord forgive my unbelief Jeremiah I had given you up. They sat down on the same old steps where they used to sit 30 years before and he told her all about it how all those years he never had read the note. Amanda he sighed at last when life is so short I can't understand why such things are allowed to happen. She wiped her eyes which seemed brighter than ever though her locks were streaked with silver. Jeremiah she said it was the will of the Lord let us only remember his mercy which brought us together. Then he told her how he had suffered up in the old burying ground on the hill. I was sure he was dead he said where I read Amanda parks on a stone and I thought you had married him and I couldn't much blame you if you had. Jeremiah she said reproachfully how could you possibly think such a thing of me hadn't I said if you ever came back you would find me waiting and all the years that I looked for your coming I never once thought that of you but always said if he doesn't come back he is dead and you believed because his wife's name was Amanda that I had gone and married that Ezra Parks. Jeremiah bowed his head Amanda he said you must remember I'm only a poor weak man and not up to the high ideals of the women as my old friend Sam Wilkin says I guess the best we can do is try to resemble him as much as we're able. He drew from his pocket the bag of popcorn which he had bought in the village and they shared it half laughing half weeping well in the dusk which hid the silvery threads in the two heads so near each other no one would have dreamed that 30 long years it elapsed since they ate their last popcorn together End of section 8 Section 9 of the hypocritical romance and other stories this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org a hypocritical romance and other stories by Caroline Tignor the romance of a spoon it was rumored that Miss Helen Merlin was to give a small and select dance very shortly invitations to which it was well understood were most desirable all social gatherings at the Merlin's were well attended and young and old esteemed at the privilege to spend an evening beneath the hospitable roof tree Miss Merlin was mistress of the art of entertaining and her daughter Helen had inherited her mother's easy cordiality and pleasing manners while her own sincerity and frank good nature would doubtless have made her the general favorite she was had her father's dollars put few and her mother's life apart is not at all though who knows popularity is such a very dependent sort of thing information about the forthcoming dance which would have very much surprised Miss Merlin herself was rapidly circulated by nobody in particular and everybody in general while she sat intent upon the gain of progressive ego which was going on among the party of young people assembled in Mrs. Welsh's pretty drama Helen Merlin was in fact not aware that anyone but her most intimate friend Linda Walford knew that she cherished the thought of shortly entertaining some of her friends and her own ideas on the subject were decidedly indefinite she might have asked a chain however from bits of conversation floating about the room that the dance was to be on such an evening and at such a time that the music was to be thus and the suffer so and many other interesting items equally edifying and I thought she was blissfully ignorant at the head table George Merlin and his friend Forest of Wells had arisen from their chairs about to part company George was going down to the foot table goodbye old fellow he was just remarking I'll see you later in the evening I say who's the coming lady George inquired his friend why the berry girl I told you was going to give this well dance good introduce me quickly before you go my partner has gone to speak to Mrs. Welch and she always takes it for granted that everyone knows everyone else and is not the slightest use for me to hum and ha and wink and shuffle the cards at this juncture Miss Merlin appeared on the scene and Marlowe hastily presented his friend and departed Wells at once said about making himself as agreeable as possible and he could be very agreeable when he chose this evening kind fortune smiled upon him in the form of an immediate announcement of supper which he had once secured Miss Merlin as his partner I have heard Mr. Marlowe speak of you so often that I feel as if we were almost old friends he began when there was snugly a spoon upon his there and he added he promised to ask if he might bring me to call sometime but I am not afraid he is not to be depended upon I suspect he wants to monopolize you himself this is stretching the truth just a trifle as Forster had stoutly refused to make any calls whatsoever with his friend upon several occasions I may get the better of him now he added if you will let me come on my own hook I shan't depend on him any more after this Helen found him very entertaining and it was rather flattering to feel that she had really made such an impression upon George Marlowe's handsome friend and so it happened that Forster Wells received during the week a dainty invitation to the Merlin mansion for Wednesday the 27th so much for making myself very agreeable he remarked for the great satisfaction to Marlowe so much for having a large amount of cheek and unlimited assurance promptly responded his friend Miss Marlowe's quarreling for which it resolved itself into proved a great success music, floor, supper and society all of the best and that kind of best which is not the cheapest Forster Wells meditated upon the golden opportunities which were often lost through short-sightedness as he straightened his tie in the dressing room just before supper he was always very particular about his nutfies then he went downstairs and asked Miss Fannie Marlowe if he might have the pleasure of taking her out to supper she was George's sister and he offered this sacrifice upon the altar of his affection for George as she was not generally considered very attractive there was some composition offered however by the fact that he knew her so well and she never cared for anything but a little ice cream so different from George and then she was quite willing to sit and talk to the next girlfriend in definite time while he enjoyed himself elsewhere it was after all really much better than taking one of the bells out to supper he reflected for they were apt to be very exacting although there was always that certainty of plenty of other men coming up to talk and past things when one wanted to go and get a few malt folds himself he now deliberately helped Miss Marlowe to ice cream a process rendered quite simple by the fact that all the others were intent upon getting salad and oysters then he tried to remember which she preferred a spoon or a fork he thought she preferred a spoon but Miss Marlowe was sitting beside her and she would probably consider it more elegant to bring a fork so he took both presenting the plate of ice cream with one hand while he held the other behind him he inquired which will you have a spoon or a fork to which he replied a fork if you please this he produced with a flourish see how I read your thoughts he exclaimed deathly stuffing the spoon into his cocktail packet until he should have a chance to return it to the table then he allowed his thoughts to return in the direction of his own supper which he modestly began with a few raw oysters and spoon was quite forgotten wholly unconscious of his existence he was among the last to bid his hostess goodnight and thanking her for a most delightful evening which had sometimes since ceased to be evening at all he took his departure he set out briefly on his walk of a mile and a half home there being no car at this time of night he had gone fully half a mile when he thought of the unlucky spoon presenting itself as though he had received an electric shock here was a pretty how'd you do going off with a silver spoon in his pocket what a story for the fellows to get a hold of no danger of that however and he obeyed his first impulse to take it back at once by beginning to retrace his steps immediately probably some of the guests were still there almost always there were some intimate friends who stayed to talk things over here he began to run what a fool he was to be so forgetful why hadn't he brought in the smile on her ice cream in the first place or a fork instead of giving her a choice so much for being over polite what should he say when he got back to the house why, that he had forgotten something of course left something in the dressing room then only to rush upstairs and leave the spoon anywhere on the table or the bureau or it would be easily found no one would dream who had left it there it was really a very humiliating for a fellow like him who prided himself upon always doing the correct thing to carry off a silver spoon in his pocket and yet he realized how inexpressibly funny he would have seemed if Marlowe had done it what a very uninteresting girl Fanny Marlowe was he could not understand how George could have such a stupid sister yes, this was a help but how changed all the brilliant illuminations turned to darkness apparently every gas jet in the house distinguished save a faint glimmer upstairs how could a half hour or so have made such a difference he had not dreamed that they would turn the lights out so soon it was no use now to ring the bell and he slowly turned upon his heel and started once more toward home though in a frame of mind not the most amiable Mrs. Marilyn was a thoroughly systematic housekeeper and after any entertainment which she gave always took account of stock so to speak being blessed with a long trusted wishes who each night locked up the silver and bought her the key of the safe she gave herself no uneasiness in this direction Jane however haven't been occupying until the last moment the previous evening putting on raps and overshoes for the young ladies had entrusted this important mission to the parliament who had masked the silver together and locked it up regardless of any sorting out whatever so it happened that Mr. Marilyn balanced his coffee spoon in hand the next morning and remarked that he had one of great grandmother Mead's best teaspoons and so it came about that Mrs. Marilyn herself sorted them out after breakfast saying that she would put them in a separate drawer in the safe and then she suddenly discovered that one of them was missing there were only eleven where was the twelve those spoons were the apple of Mrs. Marilyn's eye with their antique handles and old fashioned monogram that spoon must be found there was certainly great carelessness among the servants their pond followed a tempestuous morning below stairs with threats from the cook to leave at once in spite of an impending dinner party that evening it was very strange but the spoon could not be found and after a day or two the subject dropped only to be revived by an occasional feeble joke on Mrs. Marilyn's part about Helen's friends admiring the pattern of the teaspoons when Forrester reached his room he took out this spoon and scrutinized it yes it was a very handsome one probably some of the old family silver and it would be missed at once how would it do to send it right back by mail that might be risky things were so often lost in the mail no he would go around with it after his first lecture in the morning he would make them an early call and the whole thing would pass off as a joke rather too good a joke probably as Mrs. Marilyn would enjoy telling the story to numerous friends and when the fellows got hold of it they would never let the thing rest he wouldn't have himself if Marlo had done it he laid this spoon carefully upon his swing and shelf above his mantle and then proceeded to retire determined to solve the problem of how to return it most creditably in the morning when morning came a loud knock rudely startled him from his slumbers and before he could open his eyes a telegram was thrust into his face it was a dispatch from his mother that his sister Margaret was very ill summoning him home at once he had just time to dress and catch the next express westward without even a thought of breakfast only a hasty line scrolled to Marlo and left upon his table Marlo roamed just across the hall from Wales although it would have been hard to tell in which apartment he spent most of his time on the following evening several congenial spirits were assembled in Marlo's room to partake of a Welsh rear bit the signs of which he had mastered with an ease that did not characterize his treatment of the classics his father who could not seem to realize that a quarter of a century had elapsed since his own college days regarded this fact as something almost disgraceful which was more the pity since Marlo's understanding of Welsh rear bits had earned for him a widespread fame which years wasted upon the classics never would have brought him Marlo presided over the blazer with all the dignity becoming so important a physician where's my spoon wander? he exclaimed cast in his eyes over the necessary materials ranged about him on the table I haven't got it returned that worthy is an individual who was devoutly kneeling before a small stove in which gleamed a cold fire with his entire attention concentrated upon a slice of toast which he held upon the end of a fork do you think I'm toasting bread with a spoon, George? it is bad enough doing it with a fork minus a handle you can have this one if you like he added amiably sliding up the last slice of toast which had taken on a decidedly black tint during this conversation here Thompson he concluded tossing it across the room to him just scrape off this toast will you and make yourself useful while I find the master of ceremonies a spoon? this Thompson proceeded to deal with his spacket knife resting the toast meal on Marlo's German dictionary while the owner there of Silio flies it's very queer where my spoon has gone to perhaps you'll find it in well's room he suggested pausing with a slice of cheese in one hand and an egg in the other of Thompson and see will you as Thompson disappears somebody inquired where is well's tonight he has gone home responded Marlo his sister is very sick and they telegraphed for him this morning general expressions of sympathy were interrupted by the return of Thompson triumphantly waving a spoon in the air hello that is not my spoon mine is a bigger one exclaimed Marlo taking it I never saw this before well's is going in for solid silver and it's really a mighty pretty handle with this it's an important business of making his well a success a week later Marlo was standing at the Maryland being among the chosen few invited to meet a cousin who had come on from the west the courtroom was several times referred to and the cousin next to whom he had the honor of being seated turned to him saying I want you to tell me about it Mr. Marlo I am so disappointed that I did not come on time for it Marlo proceeded to set forth in glowing colors ending off the reference to the most delicious yes, broken Mr. Marlo and some of Helen's friends were so hungry that they began upon the spoons papa broken Helen reproachfully didn't they eat up one of grandmother mead's cheese spoons he responded laughing what you mean inquired the cousin whom could not appreciate Mr. Marlo's jokes simply this interposed Mrs. Marlo with a sweet smile which spoke to Mr. Marlo of this approval one of the spoons disappeared that night probably found it was like this you know she added taking up one from beside her dessert plate and of course we were sorry to have this set broken into but we did not use to entertain our friends with details of this sort she concluded with a reproving glance at her husband then with a view to changing the subject she turned to Marlo saying you were very much pleased with your friend Mr. Wells other night he's a very much embarrassed about something and sat with his eyes riveted upon his dessert spoon murmuring something about Wells having gone home on account of sickness a very simple statement the utterance of which should not have given him any trouble Miss Marilyn grunts about him in surprise was he jealous of his friend or had he been quarreling with him when he reached home that night Marlo hastily looked about him for something once he lighted all the gas burners and looked again forward but without success then he crossed the hall and lighted all the burners in the opposite room and continued his search but in vain he was very crossed and turned things upside down in a way which would have made the orderly Wells here stand upon in could he have looked in upon the scene and had his hair not already what's the matter responded a sleepy voice from within I want to see you open the door will you Thompson is that you Marlo what do you want at this time of night I want to see you oh man open the door sleepy head with an audible groan the door was unlocked and Thompson bounced into bed again Marlo walked in and lighted the gas don't turn that down I say you're blinding me exclaimed the victim burying his head in the pillow can't you talk to me without such an illumination Thompson began his persecutors sitting himself decidedly on the foot of the bed what did we do with that confounding spoon that last night I made the Welsh rare bit what exclaimed the victim actually becoming wide awake with astonishment is that what you waked me up for to find you an old spoon clear it with your old Welsh rare bit and Thompson prepared to launch his pillow at his tormentor's head oh I say be reasonable old fellow his friend remarked soberly I want to talk to you I tell you it's not late he must have turned back to dinner nonsense said Thompson reaching over to his best friend's watch it's half past 12 and I have an examination early but fire away and have it over with the spoon fire away of introduction icicles speaking of spoons is she dark or like tall or short I'm listening oh hush up Thompson it's nothing of this sort do you think I would wake you up to talk nonsense of that kind well you have before only week before last he kept me away for hours telling me that her eyes was well you keep quiet and let me talk if you're so sleepy yes I will but you need not call me sleepy now you spoiled my best nap and I shall probably still awake the rest of the night having reduced Thompson to a submissive mood while love began his recital when he had finished silence rain for a few moments then Thompson ventured are you certain that spoon had the same pattern on it I'm almost positive but I want to make sure and I can't I haven't seen it since that night and that was the very night after the Maryland's party news Marlo still I can't imagine any fellow putting up a joke of that sort on people he scarcely knew it's not a bit like Wells but it's the strangest thing I ever heard of and something that no gentleman could do yet if he did think how I feel to have been the one to introduce him and answer for him and I would certainly have answered for him anywhere when it came across me that generally almost choked me to think that and that Forrester was not the fellow that I took him for it was such an unmistakable pattern you know I never saw anything like it I don't believe I could begin them for a joke of that sort perhaps some other fellow put it in his pocket for a joke on him suggested Thompson Roller shook his head more and fully that's not very likely no Forrester has always had a craze for collecting trophies of every kind and this only shows that he has not the taste to put a limit to that sort of and now he concluded he's gone good night Thompson putting out the light his friend banged the door and departed without further ceremony to his own womb where before retiring he spent some time longer but where before retiring he spent some time longer and thoroughly turning things upside down in a vain search for the missing Thompson was calmly disposing of hamlin eggs the next morning when Warner who occupied a seat beside him at the table came in why didn't you come up to my room last night replied Thompson helping himself to our third egg I stopped for Marla too to continue Warner but he had gone out to dinner so I borrowed his spoon and what are you choking about over excitement up here and you tell such interesting details Warner by the way Marla wakes me up at midnight looking for that is that so well I never saw a fellow who could take as many Welsh words as he can as he'd been down to breakfast yet I brought this spoon down in my pocket to return to him he continued boosting so I hope he returned Thompson volunteered quite eagerly alright which obliged and Warner having swallowed the remit of his coffee rushed away leaving his friend who never hurried his breakfast to finish that rip-ass in peace yes I'll return it use Thompson but he concluded a bright thought suddenly striking him not tomorrow no not tomorrow and so it came about that soon after breakfast he might have been seen directing a small neat bundle with which he which usually eliminated his calmly face first the Welsh returned the next afternoon in high spirits having left his sister on the fair road to recover his time at home had been so fully occupied that no ghost of the silver spoon had troubled him until it recurred to his mind as he opened the door of his own room once more he put down his bags and looked around George has been arranged he commented mentally then he reached and looked everywhere about the room it was not to be found while he was still occupied in this way Morello appeared and he called out Gaeli hello George here I am so I think he remarks his friend without his usual enthusiasm how's your sister oh much better by the way did you see a silver spoon around her after I left Morello ironed him sterly before responding yes I think I did see one here where did it come from Wales resisted his first inclinations before summer it was a very convenient thing to have about you know it was a very convenient thing to have about you know it was a pretty one with a fancy handle not the kind that you pick up in the street and put in George's scarf for later how no one has walked off with it to new Wales without noticing the other's tone it was an old fashioned one and I couldn't get another like at you not where you got that one broke out well Morello with such vehement that his friend suddenly turned and faced him in astonishment what do you mean he demanded just what I say returned the other excitedly I never believed you capable of such I thought that you were a very different sort of fellow oh Forrest how could you is it a joke to carry a silver from a house where you're being entertained for the first time that would be disgraceful enough but if still worse you're merely pursuing a craze for trophies to be satisfied at any cost please remember that when I present you to my friends I hold myself carrying this out for us Forrest's face was an interesting study of rapidly changing expression first of complete astonishment and surprise followed by impregnability and then grieve amazement as his friend suspicion dawned upon him and ending in a flash of hearty anger at the close as Morello paused he strode to the door and threw it open you have said enough to convince me of your friendship and a training glance morello's suspicions went to the way leaving the most pentament for his hasty words and only desire was to atone for the injustice they had expressed indeed I shall not go until everything is explained forgive me Forrest for doubting you I know that you are and always have been the soul of honor when you hear my side of the story you will see that there's some excuse for me Forrest's anger gradually subsided under his earnest appeal first he said you must hear and he briefly recounted his experience and his vain attempt to return the spoon that you think and of course you know that I was telegraphed for next morning you concluded George who was by this time patrician itself been told his story how he borrowed the spoon all about the dinner party when he had seen the spoon just like it the last and worst how the spoon could not be found Forrest whistled awfully I am responsible for it Marlon I borrowed it and explained to the marlons all about it and see if I can have another one made like it nonsense replied his friend he shall do nothing of the kind and I believe we shall find the spoon yet supposed to be go into your room and have one more thorough search with this the two friends went manfully to work Forrest carefully turned over scrutinized lifted up and shook everything every now and then one of them remarked oh here is that much safety lost so long ago or I just found that pearl scarf fin of mine George finished up by emptying the continents of his brood drawers upon her collars and handkerchief neckties cigarettes and stockings tennis caps and scarf fins all mingled in glorious confusion what did you do that for remonstrated Forrest that's alright exclaimed George carefully I'd just like to make sure you know it is the strangest thing where that spoon went to he added inspecting the co-op I declare I've looked in every place I can think of I've found everything else that I ever lost and I'm afraid we shall have to give it up it was with a step less elastic than usual that Forrest which nevertheless fails to disguise the fact that he was just a little nervous and uncomfortable the whole affair seemed so ridiculous and unnecessary and so strongly recalled his very juvenile days when his father made him ring the gentlemen's doorbell and tell him that he had broken his window but would be most happy to pay for it Miss Marilyn was at home and welcomed them most cordurally they talked on all the way toward the subject which both young men were so anxious to introduce not too abruptly but in an easy and offhand Wolf was congealing his brain for just the right sort of introduction though it seemed to morale that he had forgotten all about the spoon and was going to talk on forever about some canoeing trip that he took the previous summer Mahler himself was so abstract as to actually jump when Miss Marilyn unexpectedly the sun doesn't walls begin about that spoon he was mentally ejaculating when his attention was arrested by a portion of Miss Marilyn's conversation it was really very singular and quiet like something you read up in the stories she was saying you may remember Miss Marlowe that we told you about in missing tea spoon that disappeared the night of the courtroom why us murmured Marlowe faintly well I ever heard of and we have wracked our brains in vain for a solution of the problem now Mr. Wells I am anxious to hear your theory on the subject Wells who had heard it too been unusually quiet found his animation suddenly returning how very interesting he explained and how much more delightful not to sell the mystery mysteries are apt to prove so prosaic when someone steps in and explains them spoiling the story and taking away the moment come Marlowe wants to see us again when the door closed behind them Wells restrained his wild desire to execute them Indian ward ads on the style while Marlowe could not find worse to express the satisfaction and delight at the turn affairs had taken I'll wager that Thompson will tell me something about this room when I see him he broke forth since I know that it's returned I don't care a rob how it got there gilly responded Wells subject George old man I tell you it pays to own up like a gentleman be good and you'll be happy even if your friends don't have a first rate time in constant forester explain his friend putting his hand expressively on his arm you not only possess the most unlimited cheek as I've told you before but you have more confounding luck than any fellow I ever saw end of section 9 section 10 of a hypocritical romance and other stories this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Sally Sharp of www.soundssharp.com a hypocritical romance and other stories by Carolyn Ticknor the history of a happy thought and the thought was this I would ask all my young friends from the neighboring cottages to bring around their various musical instruments and we would spend a jolly informal evening on my wide airy veranda I knew that my young cousin Josephine had found her stay with me extremely quiet and I determined to do a little something to make things a trifle more lively and so I drove about our summer colony inviting all my friends who possessed banjos guitars etc to bring them over in the evening when I reached home happy in the consciousness of well-doing I was greeted by a telegram announcing that my husband would bring down with him on the five o'clock boat two of our stiffest and most ceremonious English friends Mr. and Mrs. Beresford Pierce I looked at Josephine in dismay what shall I do about those banjos it is after five now and I haven't time to send them word not to come and yet I wouldn't for the world have the Beresford pierces think that I had specially invited such a collection of extraordinary young musicians to entertain them they are both intensely and critically musical so that it would not do still I have just time to see and you must help me to arrange some flowers we must explain to them just how it happened and no doubt the young folks will prefer to talk most of the time after our guests had been dually escorted to their room however I hastened to inquire what my husband thought of the perspective music he seemed much pleased at the idea and declared that it was certainly a most happy thought to me and he hurried away without giving me a chance to explain that I had not invited all the banjos after I received his message Charlie hasn't a bit of tact at all events and when at dessert the conversation drifted towards music he announced with a reassuring smile at me that I was planning to have some music after dinner our guests seemed much pleased at the prospect that they had not heard any good music since they left London I hurriedly explained that we were merely expecting a few young friends with guitars and banjos and assured them that it would not be classical music with which they would be apt to favour us but our English friends insisted that it would be a great treat we were finishing our coffee when the guests left with their banjos now Fred you and Tom can give us some tunes before the others come over I suggested as we adjourned to the piazza I think we had better wait until the others get here he replied but we will tune up while we are waiting give me a third string Tom and they are all off it was quite evident from his efforts to bring them back that they were a long way off but at last they seemed to give satisfaction at which point Fred proceeded to repeat the process varying it however by two loud snaps strings do not last long at the door tuned up to high Tom you must come down or I shall break every string I own I called Mrs. Beresford Pierce's attention to the lights in the harbor and I was glad to note that Charlie was indicating the points of interest to her husband meanwhile Tom proceeded to come down without evincing satisfaction they declared a moment later that they were in perfect tune a fact which I saw that our guests apparently doubted nevertheless I hastened to say do play some of your quaint darky melodies we could give you swanney river or a jig Tom replied and as I remarked that the Mrs. Brown and her two nephews I am glad to see some more of my orchestra I called out gaily though I had been devoutly hoping that something would prevent their coming are they really an organized orchestra Mrs. Beresford Pierce questioned gravely oh no finding chairs for them I begged the musicians to begin the young Browns had brought a piccolo and a banjoine which they had once began to tune vigorously while we sat patiently by the piccolo was determined not to harmonize with the banjos and I could see that Mrs. Beresford Pierce's finely trained nerves with a fixed and wondering gaze even Charlie was getting impatient let us have that jig he cried out the Emmons asked the Browns if they knew it but they said they didn't but couldn't the others play the Invincible Guards March no they had never learned that after a long consultation they agreed to try the Spanish Fandango which they actually started with a variation one of the Browns broke a string and during the pause which ensued Rose Ellwood appeared with her guitar and accompanied by her brother I had great difficulty in persuading Harry to bring his bones over Rose announced ah what fun it is to have so many instruments together she concluded joining her bones was confined to her acquaintance with physiology looked curiously at Harry just then I overheard Rose saying let me have your third string Mr. Emmons it always takes me so long to get this guitar in tune Charlie was walking up and down with his hands in his pockets play something play anything my friends he exclaimed this suspense is wearing us out I assure you the tuning still continued I suggested that perhaps it would be wiser for the audience to go inside since it was growing rather cold and new musicians can come in when you are ready to play I added noting with satisfaction that Charlie had taken Mr. Beresford Pierce to the farther end of the Piazza for a quiet smoke we had hardly settled ourselves before the door opened and our musical friends appeared announcing that there was no use trying to tune up outside where it was so damp I looked mournfully at the other ladies Mrs. Brown was smiling serenely she lived in the house with the Piccolo and the Banjoine not so Mrs. Beresford Pierce let me have your second string the Banjoine was saying to the guitar the Piccolo was endeavouring to reach the new pitch and the Banjos were tumming experimentally while Harry Ellwood kept time with the bones all the musicians were serenely happy and quite unconscious of the fact that the rest of us were not provided with instruments to tune I might have been defined as bittersweet but at that very moment I heard Arthur Brown protesting I cannot tune my Piccolo up to that last key so you will all have to come down a little what are we still tuning question Charlie in comic dismay as he ushered in Mr. Beresford Pierce only still tuning but it is such painfully loud tuning and the worst of it was that my guests were under the impression that I had asked in all these strange unmanageable instruments on purpose to entertain them at that moment I could have wept freely then I rallied and pulled myself together I crossed the room and touched the electric bell with cake and ices now suppose we have a little intermission I announced and my impromptu orchestra relinquished their instruments though a trifle regretfully they were enjoying it so much we finished our ices in peace and having taken things into my own hands I determined not to relinquish my advantage so I spoke up boldly we will not try the instruments but we will hear them in sections and we'll begin with the Invincible Guards March by the two Mr. Browns followed by their choices Waltz they accomplished these selections successfully after which the Emmons boys accompanied by the bones played a jig which quite brought down the house and even necessitated an instrument so sweetly that Mrs. Beresford Pierce thawed completely and told Rose that she really ought to have her voice cultivated and that she only wished she could take lessons of her teacher in London Rose forebored to mention the fact that she had been faithfully trying to cultivate her voice for two years remembering she finally gave us Robin Adair in a clear rich voice while Rose played an accompaniment timidly on her guitar from this moment our English friends seemed to be really enjoying themselves and we all entered into the college songs with great enthusiasm I noted with surprise that all the instruments were actually going at once and seemed to be in pretty good tune Mr. Barris was heard to whistle Annie Laurie with variations while Charlie went so far as to execute an Irish jig I glanced at our English guests to see if they were shocked but was reassured when a moment later Mr. Barris heard that he knew something about a Scotch hornpipe himself which he performed after some time called forth a burst of applause which bespoke a truly appreciative audience and when several of the musicians declared that it was time to go I was astonished to learn how late it was my music cowl had been a success after all I meditated as I laid my weary head on my pillow but I must explain in the morning that such an entertainment was wholly accidental possibly they may have enjoyed it I said to myself but they shall not go away from here thinking that when I knew they were coming I went and invited in a lot of instruments which had never played together before by way of entertaining them my last words to Charlie were if I do not get time to explain things at breakfast you must promise to tell them just how it happened on the way up to town of course he forgot all about it and never got up to the city with twenty minutes extra thrown in for fog and he certainly couldn't have been showing them the points of interest as it was so thick they couldn't see six inches ahead of them I can't imagine what he could have talked about all that time but it could not have been anything very interesting for he couldn't recall a word that he had said he assured me afterwards so I believe he read his paper all the time and in spite of my efforts to do so I couldn't make Charlie realize that my reputation is a typical American hostess had been at stake a few weeks later I read a loud the following extract from a letter I had just received from a friend at Newport last week I had the pleasure of meeting some delightful English people who spoke most enthusiastically of you dear they are Mr. and Mrs. Beresford Pierce and they are kindly lionized here on all sides they spoke however of an evening at your home by the sea which they considered without exception the most charming that they had spent knowing how tremendously they had been run after I could not help wondering what special attraction you had provided you clever creature when later I had a chance to inquire I learned that at the shortest possible orchestra with banjos guitars etc they said it was so charmingly spontaneous and unconventional that they considered a typical American evening which they should always look back upon with special pleasure I envy your originality dear for who else would have thought of inviting in a collection of musical instruments of that sort on the spur of the moment of life English people I laid the letter down with a sigh for I felt I had received a rather doubtful compliment but Charlie was much pleased good he exclaimed now perhaps you are convinced that it was a happy thought after all end of section 10 recording by Sally Sharp www.soundssharp.com Chapter 11 of a hypocritical romance and other stories this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Jane Manning a hypocritical romance and other stories by Carolyn Ticknor Chapter 11 a furnished cottage by the sea Mrs. Beaufort had declared herself tired of hotel life and had insisted that a furnished cottage was the only ideal place in which to spend the summer her husband had finally been brought to realize the overwhelming advantages to be derived from such a plan and had accompanied her hither and thither in search of just the right place they were not exacting in their requirements but Mr. Beaufort did feel that he would enjoy a ride daily on a boat in preference to the dusty train then his wife was anxious to have surf bathing nearby and a pretty water view from the piazza while the daughters said they would be satisfied anywhere provided they had pleasant society and good sailing simple as these requirements were however they were eventually dispensed with and after many years and after many trials and tribulations a cottage was rented which had to be reached after an hour's ride by rail from the city Mrs. Beaufort must content herself with still water bathing and no ocean view the girls had no congenial friends nearby and the sailing was not considered safe but they had secured a furnished cottage and they made up their minds to be content even here however there was a modifying clause for the cottage furnishings proved to be far from sufficient there was no China to speak of and they would have to take their own mattresses and almost all their cooking utensils and rugs and easy chairs and lamps besides several small tables a small ice chest wash tubs bath tubs pillows and endless other things not to mention necessities like the piano Henrietta's Davenport and her sister's Dwarf bookcase when the large load of household belonging is rolled away from the door Mr. Beaufort said doubtfully we've taken a good many things considering that the house was fully furnished my dear oh it's just as well to be comfortable while we're about it his wife responded cheerfully even if we do have to move a few more things back and forth and after all you won't have any rest from housekeeping he continued but she laughed lightly oh my dear it will be a very much simpler matter keeping house at the seashore things almost run themselves into summer cottage you know a few days later she wished devoutly that things would run themselves as she wended her way up to the city to secure a new cook and waitress who would be willing to put up with the great unconveniences these were many and seemed to multiply rapidly the roof leaked the stove would not work the cistern was so low that a man must daily bring water in pales for household use many greater and less evils Mrs. Beaufort discovered were apt to go with furnished cottages then the company cousins and aunts and distant relatives galore must be asked down for nice little visits not to mention those who took it upon themselves to drop down unexpectedly at the least opportune moments all the people that I ought to want as well as those I do want must come she said desperately while Mr. Beaufort came home depressed and weary after his railroad trip and the girls sighed for sailing and complained that there was nothing to do Mrs. Beaufort herself found that there was altogether too much to do what with explaining how cooking could best be done on an oil stove and making sure that the water supply each day was sufficient and sending up to town for fresh fish and writing out lists for the washerwoman and stepping out to the gate to view what the provision man had to offer with these in addition to the entertaining of Mr. Beaufort's second cousins and her own aunts she found herself counting the days which must need a lapse before she could turn her face again towards home sweet home but the happy day arrived at last and as she watched the men piling up the last things upon the wagon she acknowledged Mr. Beaufort that there was more detail connected with renting a summer cottage than she had ever believed possible and I shall have to get new servants the same as usual she went on mournfully as the cook insisted upon leaving yesterday and Mary has just heard the death of her brother we shall oblige her to go at once so we shall have to open the house ourselves after all it was a bleak and raw afternoon when the Beauforts ascended their own front steps laden with bags shawls and many curiously shaped bundles suggest they've forgotten saucepans and stray coffee pots it is time for the load to be here Mr. Beaufort remarked as he unlocked the front door and stepped inside the house is as cold as a barn Mrs. Beaufort exclaimed following him could that man have forgotten to light the furnace fire to dry the house off evidently he has her husband responded but I will start a fire here and in the kitchen at once myself Mrs. Beaufort wandered through the chilly rooms in the deepening twilight I suppose it is better to be here a little while before the things arrive she said so that we can look about somewhat I hardly realize we took so many things with us I declare the house is quite empty the minutes slipped away and the darkness deepened and still the welcome rumble of the express wagon was not heard again and again they looked anxiously out of the windows but in vain I am so hungry Henrietta declared but I don't suppose we can go out for our supper until that old load comes Mrs. Beaufort stood at one of the front windows drawing her cape about her and shivering how strange that the man should not have come to start the furnace she murdered Papa is trying to light the kitchen fire her daughter Kate put in to go out there and get warm I don't think he understands anything about it Mrs. Beaufort responded hurrying toward the kitchen she opened the pantry door and through a mist defying ashes she could dimly make out her husband's form clad in what seemed to be a silvery gray suit why what are you doing she exclaimed putting her handkerchief to her mouth I am merely letting down the ashes my dear he answered coughing I should think you would have had this cleared out before we went away can't you keep out here until I get the fire started but that is not the way to let the ashes down can't you see the room is filled with them flying all over everything if you will be kind enough to leave the kitchen Clara he returned dusting his coat with his silk handkerchief everything will be all right and he threw open two of the windows making a draft and blew the ashes in clouds towards the pantry door at this moment Henrietta's voice was heard calling mama here is the wagon load of furniture and it's pitch dark out here Kate's voice announced Mr. Beaufort dropped the poker and hurried to the front door followed by his wife light the gas in the hall he called to the girls it won't light they promptly responded making way for two express men who stumbled in laden with chairs and tables what hasn't the gas been turned on Mr. Beaufort questioned I sent them special word not to fail to have it on well you'll have to fly around and get some lamps lighted I suppose you know that all the lamps are in the packing trunks Mrs. Beaufort said regretfully well then candles can't you find some candles Mr. Beaufort called back there must be some candles I'm afraid we took all the extra candles with us Mrs. Beaufort answered hurrying into the storeroom while the girls ran hither and thither tumbling over the numerous pieces of furniture which the men were rapidly piling up in the hall after a frantic search during which Mrs. Beaufort opened the pantry door and then ran against it giving herself a black eye one of the girls discovered a box filled with little colored candles such as are used on Christmas trees and birthday cakes these were hastily brought out lighted and set about in every available spot where they dripped and sputtered fitfully tell the men to bring the three big packing cases into the dining room Mr. Beaufort exclaimed as he almost fell over a barrel of crockery which had been planted in the middle of the hall yes the lamps are in one of those packing cases I'm sure Mrs. Beaufort had her eye with a handkerchief wet in cold water girls where are the keys to the packing cases their father was saying excitedly you remember you took them from me before we started I gave them to mama promptly responded Kate and I don't know what she did with them mama what did you do with the keys she called after her mother who had gone in search of kerosene oil upstairs in my black bag came back where Mrs. Beaufort was wandering about with one Christmas tree candle which constantly burned her fingers with hot wax Henrietta showed them in where to take those big square trunks she added coming in triumphantly with an oil can which her husband immediately kicked over in trying to move one of the packing trunks as Henrietta disappeared upstairs to pilot the big square trunks a crash resounded through the house what is that Mrs. Beaufort cried dropping the cloth with which she was wiping up kerosene oil from the dining room hearth oh mama came a voice from the darkness overhead the man has knocked down grandmother Hamilton's portrait with a quarter of one of those trunks on the way upstairs Mrs. Beaufort drew a deep sigh but did not speak being only a woman no appropriate words instantly rose her daughter's voice went on encouragingly this fact was quite evident from the crunching sound made by the descending feet of the two expressmen who ground the well distributed fragments into the hardwood floor below and the floor has been newly done over you know she said to Mr. Beaufort he however had no time to waste upon speculations of this sort he was down on his knees before one day a lock he had been all through the bunch once without success and it began again this time more slowly quick they're bringing in the piano and we must have some light in the parlor Kate was heard to exclaim as a heavy thump against the hall Wayne Scotting bespoke the entrance of that musical instrument Mr. Beaufort had succeeded in unlocking two of the packing trunks wildly into them to find the much needed lamps that's the trunk with the table linen in it Henrietta her mother said coming into the room there are no lamps in there this was already evident as her daughter had reached the bottom after piling out the table claws and napkins in all directions on the floor here's part of the study lamp Mr. Beaufort exclaimed joyfully there are the lamp chimneys Mrs. Beaufort queried right on top of one of the barrels Mr. Beaufort replied as a fourth barrel was rolled into the room but which barrel his daughter called after him as he stepped into the hall this one seems to be all tea cups she continued rapidly unrolling a number and setting them on the table here's the ice cream freezer which flew like chaff before the wind what under the sun do you want to go pulling out that china floor yet he cried I should think there are enough things around already by the uncertain light of a blue a yellow and a red candle the men groped patiently for the legs of the piano which they had great difficulty in adjusting Kate stood beside them holding a candle in each hand and shedding alternate streams of blue wax over her dress the prostrate piano and the bowed heads of the two expressmen who finally retired after no worse mishaps and falling over one ottoman and upsetting the afternoon tea table as Kate picked up the tea cat and ran her fingers over the surface of the brass kettle to ascertain how deeply it was dented she saw her father standing triumphantly in the doorway holding a lighted lamp in a lively way we found some oil and we're all right now he said pleasantly now we can see where we are this privilege seemed however rather a doubtful one as the added illumination revealed anything but a cheerful view of their environment as the door closed behind the departing expressmen Mrs. Beaufort suggested wearily if we can find that oil stove perhaps I could make a cup of tea for I am too tired to go out anywhere for my supper Mr. Beaufort preceded her with the lamp and they threaded their way cautiously over piles of table linen broken china and the rest of the debris which covered the dining room floor out into the hall where grandmother Hamilton shattered portrait looked reproachfully out from among hammock poles bathtubs and bundles of pillows and piles of rugs they entered the parlor where the piano stood decorated by wax of many colors and passed through into the sitting room where the oil stove greeted their gaze there it stood safe and sound in the center of the polished mahogany table having insisted that the others must go and get a substantial repast Mrs. Beaufort set alone in the midst of chaos stood half unpacked about her and broken china was under her feet while the light from the lamp which streamed dimly through the smoky chimney revealed a wash tub filled with cooking utensils resting upon the top of Henrietta's writing desk Mrs. Beaufort silently watched the water in the little saucepan on the oil stove which was almost boiling as she drew from her lunch in basket nearby a few crackers for their hasty lunch at noon on the dining room table beside the oil stove stood the ice cream freezer a waffle iron and a cold hod but Mrs. Beaufort saw them not she looked across at a ghastly reflection in a mirror opposite the mirror reflected a haggard face with a bandage over one eye the eye which had come in contact with the pantry door with a spectacles she murmured to herself I know not what punishment I have deserved for past misdoings nor yet what fate the future has in store for me but I devoutly hope I may not be called upon to expiate my sins by renting another furnished cottage by the sea End of Chapter 11 Recording by a hypocritical romance and other stories this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org a hypocritical romance and other stories by Caroline Tickner a Halloween party George regrets that a previous engagement will prevent him from accepting Mrs. Horton's very kind invitation for Halloween then he cheerfully directed an envelope and after extracting a stamp from his Lara case he cut up his hat and went forth to mail his note at once as the lead of the letter box click it gave an audible sigh of relief and briskly retraced his steps to his rooms in back hall his return was hailed by his special crony Charles Manhattan who had come in to consult him about some vital question regarding athletics what are you so pleased about his friend inquired as he looked as if you had just received an extra check from the old man I've been doing up my society correspondence laugh at the other by the way are you going to do anything special next Monday night Manhattan took out a small engagement book and scanned it no nothing for Monday night he replied well then you have a pressing engagement meeting will go anywhere you say now set it down and underline it three times and put supper afterwards in a big parenthesis after Manhattan had gone his friend said for some time gazing thoughtfully at the frost nipped plants in the box outside of his window a casual observer would have said one of the drooping geraniums but in reality at that moment he was totally unconscious of the existence of the vegetable creation Jay Turner Dodge was inwardly reviewing his first Halloween party it was just a year ago that he had received an invitation from some suburban friends to spend that witching evening he knew the people only slightly and the invitation seemed rather a formal one but Halloween sounded decidedly attractive its favorite of old-fashioned games and dances of which his knowledge was very limited and of thrilling ghost stories we spurred to a spellbound circle about a blazing wood fire therefore Dodge accepted the invitation immediately undismayed by the fact that he must take a trip out of town and he found himself looking forward to the prospective party with no little pleasure they never had anything of the sort in New York he remarked to his friend Thorton who rumored near him nothing but the same old tiresome things over and over again that young gentleman said unthink pathetically it may be the same old thing with a different label my boy at the last Halloween party I went to we played progressive beer all the evening there is the booby prize he concluded pointing to a many colored drum suspended from his gas fixture and bearing the appropriate motto something that you he was a bit disheartening to dodge but he consoled himself with the thought that he always had pretty good luck at progressive after all he was in a particularly happy frame of mind on the eventful evening the football team had been doing fine work all the afternoon and he had been able to cut a large number of recitations successfully then his new dress came out of the tailor's and it fitted him perfectly it had arrived exactly in the nick of time he meditated as his old one was really too shabby to be seen in if dodge had been a girl he would have gazed at himself in the mirror long and with undisguised coated reflection a couple of times with tolerable complacency the first temper upon his high spirits he sustained when he reached at the railway station for as he strove it leisurely in to take the eight o'clock train he was greeted by the announcement that the train had come eight o'clock train goes at seven minutes off now the man at the gate informed him with evident reflection just changed last Wednesday next train goes at eight thirty dodge went back and bought copies of life judge and puck and frowned over the jokes after he had read them all he discovered that it was only quarter past eight and then he went out and walked up and down our party and pictured them playing three at one table or getting in some unwilling elderly member of the family who didn't know the game to torture the other players he could see the unhappy substitute drag it from the quiet enjoyment of an evening paper throwing down the left bow and then hurriedly exclaiming oh dodge was aroused from his meditations by the sound of the last bell which bespoke the departure of the eight thirty train and dashing through the gate he jumped aboard just as the train began to move out of the station he was the last guest to arrive and as he descended to greet his hostess he became aware of the fact that the young people were enjoying a game that he was apparently the only man present attired in a dress suit the perception of this fact did not tend to put him greatly at his ease but he nevertheless endeavored to enter into the game with great enthusiasm the result of this being his immediate capture after which he was blindfolded and left to dash extended in the air he fell over chairs and crickets and struck his head against the sharp corners of bookcases and judging cabinets laden with brick a block while the fun ran high and everybody danced about and jeered at him and the other fellows jerked his coat tails by the time that everybody was to adjourn to the kitchen for some magnets and fun there were chestnuts to be roasted apples to be part and endless other delightful things to be done in the center of the kitchen stood a tub half filled with water how jolly we are going to bop for apples somebody cried out have you ever tried it Mr. Dodge a sprightly young girl at his elbow asked seeing him look curiously at the wash tub he replied that he had not oh Mr. Dodge has never bobbed for apples she exclaimed we must make him begin thank you but I think I'll let somebody else show me first he protested determined not to indulge if he could possibly help it yes Mr. Dodge had better not try it in his stress suit putting some thoughtful member of the company and after that there was nothing left for him to do but to insist upon bobbing for the kind of fruit which he especially disliked to prove that his stress suit was only an old one which he would rather spoil than not he was instructed that the floating apples were to be extracted from the water by the victims teeth and intent upon not seeming disagreeable he ducked his head desperately into the tub and splashed and spluttered with the others fortune favours the brave and showers them with things they do not want and this without doubt accounted for Dodge's well-deserved success he succeeded in extracting a much-pitten apple with which he emerged dripping and wrathful but determined not to show the white feather even if he were asked to dance in a cold bin then followed apple act number two this time an apple was suspended from the string and all jumped widely in the air after it as if the loss of a couple on teeth was a secondary consideration compared with the pleasure to be derived from securing a bite of that apple Dodge and a fellow opposite him jumped for it at the same moment and the result was a violent collision which nearly broke both their noses next someone produced a candle which was to be blown out and the girls took turns standing upon a chair and holding it up at arms land while the young men jumped vigorously up and down trying to extinguish it with frantic puffs Dodge being not very tall exerted himself manful until he was fairly covered with candle walks but he blew the candle out and nearly upset the chair young lady and all at the same time after this they experimented with a ball of flower and a ring and Dodge was of course the unlucky one to take up the ring with his teeth from the midst of the suffocating white particles of which he inhaled a sufficient quantity to almost choke him to death one of the young ladies found a dishcloth to dust and about helping him to dispose of the superfluous flower that he was allowed to commit the folly of running around to the cellar door on the slide when she started down the stairs with a looking glass and candle several of the fellows called after him that there were three steps down into the cellar but he did not hear them Dodge frightened the young lady dreadfully and she dropped her looking glass and candle and proceeded to fall down the remainder of the cellar stairs turning her ankle so that Dodge had the satisfaction of carrying her up the whole flight this would have been quite romantic if he had not discovered that she was engaged going around to the cellar door himself until dodge cutting ahead of him moreover she was very angry because the looking glass was broken and said that she should now have nothing but bad luck for seven years by this time the chestnuts which had been put on the top of the stove burn it up instead of popping as they should have done to cut the necessary sleets in them this filled the kitchen with black smoke which set everybody coughing although they all declared these little mishaps were half the fun dodge wondered when the other half was going to begin as he tried to remove from his knees the traces hanging near the stove then it was suggested that one of the most satisfactory things to do was to fill one's mouth with water and run around the house this was a sure way of smunning one's faith in a spiritual form dodge was all glad to fill his lungs with a little fresh air after breathing in an atmosphere of chestnuts that he volunteered to make a circuit of the house among the first he started off briskly into the wet grass regardless of his painted letters and was making remarkably good time when he was suddenly stopped by on intervening closest line which caught him under the chin and threw him heavily into the house thinking that if a rope around his neck was to be his fate it was not necessary to mention the lamentable fact and he had the satisfaction of seeing the next man measure his length in the same way number two however had not the sense to keep quiet about it but called out loudly his line thereby spoiling any subsequent fun in that direction being all thoroughly chilled by this time they went back and cracked nuts and paired apples and threw the peel over their shoulders and one girl that he had taken a special dislike to insisted that her peel formed a perfect D she inquired nobody could think of anybody whose name begun with that letter and Dodge tried to back quietly into the china closet but just then somebody looked at him and then all the others took in the situation and looked away from him so as not to make him feel conscious and begun to talk about something else while he blushed and tried to pretend interest in cracking nuts had prevented his hearing the previous conversation later they went back into the dining room and had lemonade and more apples and nuts and all said how much nicer the simple informant kind of thing was than any stereotyped supper Dodge was almost starved but he contented all pieces and distributing it over his plate the crowning event was a halloween cake which contained a ring a bodkin a piece of money and other appropriate tokens Dodge got the thimble in his slice and nearly swallowed it by mistake he was so hungry he tried to make believe that he thought this a capital joke but he didn't eat any more of the cake feeling sure that he had already unwittingly swallowed the bottom which all were anxiously searching for in which nobody could seem to find a silvery stroke from an adjacent clock warned him that it was time to depart and he rose thankfully to say protested as he tore himself away from the festivities a mid-regrets that he must hurry off so soon the silvery toned clock turned out to be five minutes slow but by running all the way to the station Dodge managed to swing himself onto the platform of the rear car of the departing train at the risk of breaking his neck he barely entered the railroad cafe and indulged in an oyster stew it was a poor one and the oysters therein seemed to have clung persistently to their shells and faithfully retained fragments thereof but Dodge meditated philosophically that he might as well swallow into a recitation next morning he met Thornton on the steps how was the party he called out anything like what you have in New York no thanks heaven Dodge responded we may be awfully degraded there but we haven't fallen quite so low yet these were the recollections that rose before the withered geraniums in his window box a couple of days later Manhattan dropped it in to see him remarking oh I say when I got back to my room the other day I found an invitation from Mrs. Thornton for Halloween and I accepted so we will have to have our theater party some other night I knew it wouldn't make it over I thought you might be going to the party yourself no I declined it on account of a previous engagement with you oh come now Dodge I know better than that well then I haven't been educated up to Halloween parties there are some tastes that can't be acquired you know you must be born with them for anything don't you know that these jolly informal things are twice as much fun yes but I'm satisfied with half as much fun you can have my other half I believe you think you won't get anything to eat I know better than that do you have apples paired and drawn and quartered and suspended and submerged and named and numbered and not and chestnuts and bodkins and bottoms and lots of lovely things but in spite of all that I prefer to be excused from parlor and kitchen gymnastics there are two great strain upon my nervous system alright I'll mention that fact to them if they inquire about you thank you I wish you would and if they pin you down more particularly Dodge concluded you can say to them that the truth was I just got in my new football rig and I couldn't bear to spoil it the end end of section 12 end of a hypocritical romance and other stories by Caroline Ticknell