 So today we're going to talk about how to heal and thrive after a breakup. We're talking about moving on I'm really excited to have my coach in the house Sabrina rising who helps me navigate this stuff in my own personal life So welcome Sabrina. Hi Jonathan. It's nice to meet you. Yeah, so let's let oh very welcome So let's jump into the hot seat Are there some relationships you never get over? Yeah, this is a great question I think the best way to answer this question is to define what we mean by get over You know, I mean, is it does it mean? Forgetting erasing, you know, the relationship from your memory Does it mean that you stop suffering or stop missing a person? Does it mean that you stop loving the person? it's really important to define what you mean by get over because in my experience if the love is genuine and Authentic and there was a real connection there You never truly get over this person you just learned to recontextualize your relationship to that experience and Perhaps there's a fondness and an appreciation gratitude for lessons learned You know, there's always Some maybe some memory, but a memory that doesn't trigger Suffering yeah the key is you know, we're looking we're looking at getting over I think what we mean I think what most people are looking for when they're trying to get over a relationship is how do I stop hurting as The result of the loss or how do I stop suffering or you know, how do I get through the grieving process? I'm not in pain about this relationship no longer being in my life anymore, right? So it's the pain that we want to get out of it's not necessarily Forgetting the person or forgetting the experience because experience is valuable, right? Yeah, you know, it's interesting as you're sharing this I have a couple thoughts. I want to add to this so You know when I lost my son Connor, you know, I thought to myself well I'm never gonna get over this per se You know, it's not and there was nothing to get over it was more like how do I get through this and Using just a slight different perspective How do I get through the pain? How do I get to a place of acceptance and appreciation and gratitude? So I made a conscious choice when it came to grieving I said I'm gonna grieve with love Instead of suffering I actually said to myself because I believe suffering almost to some degree is an intentional pain And I and I correlate this into relationships is sometimes people create intentional pain upon themselves By ruminating the relationship by revisiting the relationship try by trying to even bargain to get the Relationship back and if you're in a state of charge Like if there is a charge when you think of this person And I don't mean credit card charge But there's a there's an energy that takes you away from your power I think that's what at least and I'm piggybacking on what you're sharing just in a slightly different Side of the coin. So when I think it's possible to also just to interject I think there's a difference between like, you know Grieving the death of someone. Yeah, physical death of someone versus, you know The loss of a relationship that where there is a possibility of reconnect. Yes. Yeah I'm saying so so if you're I mean, this is a you know, when someone dies, you know We have no choice really but to make peace with our relationship to grieve in a way that You know to find places where that grief can go where that love can be expressed So it doesn't just stay in grief, right? And we can actually like, you know Learn to appreciate or connect with the memory of that person or keep that person alive in some way with some ritual that, you know Allows us to stay connected to that individual. I think in terms of like moving on from a you know Partnership romantic relationship or love relationship even a friendship, you know Perhaps there's friendships that we break up from, you know, that have trouble getting over, you know You know when there's a loss of a relationship, we have to look at okay, you know The tendency to sort of romanticize what happened, especially once the dust has settled, you know I think that you know the tendency to sort of go back to like, oh what could have been right? Yeah Once we were over the anger or whatever it was that precipitated the separation, you know That's why it's really important not to make emotional decisions, right? Well, we're choosing You know to end something, you know, we really it's important that we make that choice from a grounded Self-aware, you know place of just really knowing that and believing, you know Yeah, it's not possible to get our needs met in this situation so that we can be complete with our decision You know and feel resolved with it because I think that contributes to holding on as well as did I make the right choice, you know Sometimes though and usually in the case of my audience It's it hasn't been their choice. In other words, it was the other person's choice the end of the relationship So they find I believe they find themselves in a space of longing for the person Bargaining for you know to revisit it and that sort of thing And and I do agree I want to come back to something about death Sure, because I'm guilty of what I'm about to share and I'm really embarrassed I'm gonna be vulnerable But there have been times when a relationship ended and there was this this Machiavellian part of me like well, it would be so much easier if they were dead And I know that sounds terrible, but I meant from a rationalization perspective. I could accept it That's the door on it for you exactly It's like Shut the door and having the inner strength and discipline to keep that door closed on your own, right? I hate that You know, it's like, you know, I mean you can hit it and doesn't make it any less true You know, it's the fact is is that, you know If for example, the possibility of reconnecting with that person is a complete no the door is shut fully Then, you know, you don't really have to do any work to maintain that boundary, right? It's been sort of been done for you I think it's really important and it creates a lot of personal growth and resilience and character and Wisdom to be able to be in the awareness of, you know, what that relationship was what it represented You know, not being bitterness or resentment over what the experience was Especially if we you know, especially if you're the one that's being broken up with, you know As you say in terms of your audience If someone has hurt me or someone I lost the relationship that I didn't want to let go of You know, I that doesn't mean that, you know You know that gives and still gives me the opportunity to sit with the lesson, right? That and sit with the learning and sit with the what did this bring up for me, right? Whether we are broken up with or we do that we are doing the breaking up. It's still loss Yeah, so and there's still so much value in just evaluating that loss and everything that it brings up for us So well interesting you bring this up So coming back to transparency because you and I have processed the end of my relationship my most significant recent relationship One of things I gained so much value working with you And by the way, anyone I'll post a link below to how you can connect with Sabrina in the show notes So if you want to connect with her after this video Was really understanding that this relationship was a gift for me on so many different levels I think being introspective and and I always ask my clients these four questions and I asked these four of myself What positive things did I learn about myself in this relationship? How have I healed from this relationship? What was good about the relationship like the good parts? You know the facts the good facts and then most importantly What am I most grateful for and I can honestly say that while you know I'm saddened that it ended and I recognized that it needed to end like that's the other piece I'm like I you know what because if two people aren't fully all in Then just because one person's all in and one person isn't then it's not right for you either Exactly that it doesn't matter who does the breaking up right? Yeah, like you see when you look at it from like a sort of a universal perspective, you know Like if if it's not in flow if one person is not all in then there's a lack of integrity in the relationship Anyway, and it's not it's really just not meant to be right It's you don't know nobody wants to be with someone who isn't fully in anyway So we all are worthy of someone who is fully invested in the relationship and who sees our value and is you know Engaged in building something with us, right? So I was in a relationship. I guess well it started 11 years Let's see I guess 12 years ago now gosh how time flies and our first of many breakup broke breakups happened in our third year And and it wasn't my choice and I'm arguing for the relationship And I'm I'm telling her how wrong she is and how you're never gonna find a guy like me And I thought Well, we got back together two more times over the course of six years But what I realized was what I perceived as love wasn't really love. I mean, yes There was deep care for one another there was I mean there is to some degree love there more importantly all of that anxiety all of that anguish all of that energy was just attachment good good and and and at the time I didn't know that I was more in my ego and thought it was love and I Glad you said this. I'm so glad you said this, you know This might be a completely different conversation than the one you intended for today Yeah, but maybe we can just talk for a brief few minutes. I want to go into rituals and readiness Okay, we will thank you for giving me some structure So, you know, it's love is not possible as long as we are living in a fear-based consciousness Real love is not possible. Okay fear-based consciousness is the ego, right? Like I don't want to be alone. What happens if I'm alone, you know, like, you know, I need to have somebody I need to be with somebody. I'm not complete without somebody, you know Like when we're living in the fear-based consciousness, whatever that however that fear shows up in your life Love is not possible. What's possible? What happens in that consciousness? What emerges from there is attachment lust desire, you know codependency You know, we say trauma bonding, you know in Psychological parlance like this kind of these kind of bonds are formed and they're not really rooted In love they're rooted in avoiding being afraid avoiding whatever it is that we're afraid of Which is not the same as love when we evolve spiritually, you know, or even just through personal development work or, you know Healing practices Dealing working through our fears and especially our early childhood trauma stuff, you know We move into a more embodiment of love We love we're loving ourselves more and therefore we're able to sort of amplify this love You know in the presence of someone else who also embodies love and that's different right and that love doesn't feel like You know when some some of those relationship experiences where you just like can't live without that person or you know, you complete me Obsessing over them and you know Send a text message and it throws off your entire day or you're waiting for the you know You're out checking your phone every three seconds like those type of like, you know intense Uh dynamics are really rooted in some kind of fear, you know based on usually unresolved early childhood trauma So um, and I'm and I'm just being honest with everyone. I'm guilty of this, you know I'm guilty of like, oh, I didn't get a text message back I recognize though where I was maybe a decade and a half ago or a decade ago or five years ago Or even five minutes ago I keep evolving and it's because of both the work I do You know professionally and being of support and of service to others And then also working with a coach like yourself and why I'm bringing this up is I believe we all need help and support and um So I want to lean into something and by the way, I want to open it up for questions too because we're doing this live So speaking of help and support. I want everyone to know that Sabrina came to my home I think it was two weeks ago to And and really quickly backstory my relationship ended three and a half months ago four months ago And uh, we had lived together and now all of her belongings all of her stuff is gone That we didn't agree that would stay with me So I invited Sabrina over to stage and cleanse and some woo-woo kind of stuff Um Could you be open to share? I'm open to inviting everyone Oh, by the way, we can call it witchcraft too, but it's woo-woo stuff I mean, you know, what are these things? They're just rituals, right? The rituals are we do them daily as human beings, you know You take a shower every day to cleanse your body, you know to hydrate your skin Um to remove impurities, you know, these are this is the same type of thing, right? It's a ritual that we do I think saging is a ritual, you know that has ancient roots, you know everything from, you know from Roman history to the greek history to it all the way back to the egyptians, you know, it's a ritual that is used for cleansing and removing impurities And uh, you know just cleaning out the space clearing out the the energy of the space And when you're sharing space, I mean everything is energy as we've talked about before So when you're sharing space with another human a lot of that dynamic has Energy and you know, there's memories associated with certain things in the space that you've shared and there's You know energy of that person and you know energy of certain conversations that happened or memories that you might have And so I think You know the ritual in and of itself like you can burn sage and and feel not feel any different, right? but the point is is that You're creating an intention around that which is you know and it's the intention behind the ritual that really makes the difference and the intention is really to to clear out any lingering memories, you know to Purify, you know any type of of Anything in the space that might bring up some sadness or some chagrin over what took place or you know The things you've been you stuck in that Pattern of thinking, you know And so the the saging is is really just for you to feel like you've cleansed and purified yourself And you've made the space ready for a new energy to come in. Yeah It's no different than decluttering your closet, you know or taking out by the way now folks I have a walk-in closet fully Mostly empty. There's some sleeping bags in there. In fact, by the way I just shared with Sabrina. I have a little camping trip planned and And I bought a sleeping bag But what I did was instead of buying one sleeping bag I bought two sleeping bags in other words holding space that someone else could come in my life And and to the extent that that's not a ritual per se It's coming back to what you're talking about with the cleansing and such It's the mindset of of holding space that someone new can come in my life And so having this closet that's fully empty for someone that can hang their clothes or having a dresser That's empty for them to put their clothes in or or buying an extra sleeping bag if you will So you can not that i'm a camper, but I just happened to be going on a day trip These are all I don't know if that would be called a ritual, but in the same context it's preparing oneself To invite in that new energy into your life Yeah, I think that's just an intention. You know, yeah I mean in this work, you know, you're in the work that you do with me In the work that you're doing just to get through your grief and you know your personal development work in general It's all about living intentionally, right? And so we want to be intentional about where we put our energy intentional about what we're creating Intentional about what we're calling in And you know, I think doing rituals and putting certain structures in place or engaging in certain practices Helps us cultivate this energy because keep in mind You know, we're only aware of what we're doing thinking saying and and acting 10 of the time Right the nine the 90 of what we're creating and manifesting comes from the subconscious mind, right? So the more things we can put in place like whether it's a vision board or you know, any kind of visual aid or I was just about to bring up vision board. We need to do And by the way for the record, I may have told you this I may not have I had done a vision board the year before I met Marie and there was a picture of Marie Osmond on the vision board So I didn't call in Marie Osmond, but I called I listen they work and the reason they work is not because of the images themselves, you know, like, you know You don't need the right picture as people get stuck on that. It's the images are there to stir up emotions So it's the emotions that through the manifesting Just like in affirmations, we say words that feel good It's not the words themselves that we're creating But it's the feelings that conjure up that those words conjure up those positive emotions that create the momentum in our lives that keep us in joy In possibility and excitement and that opens up the realm of infinite possibilities And then we can start attracting things that we want You might find that you you manifest something that is, you know, very similar to what's on your vision board Because you've been looking at that picture. So there's an imprint there, but it's more about creating the joy And the excitement and the feel-good energies that you that are stirred up when you look at those pictures That's a visual aid just like an affirmation is a visual eight visual eight These are attractor patterns just like, you know, putting on sacred music or music that's very upbeat that makes you happy You know is a way to bring in more joy to call in more joy, you know In our rituals like sage is a certain A smell right and that smell can bring up, you know, can change a vibration that you're holding right It can open up your heart sort of instances can do that or you know, essential oils, right? So we have a couple questions. I'm going to post in a second, but I want to share with everyone one thing I do is most mornings or most days I take a walk along the beach So I get some nature walking in for about an hour and I put on ceremonial ayahuasca type music because I just happened to like the the play Feel good, right? Yeah makes me feel good And I daydream of what this will look like from the moment our first email to each other or connection to each other And the progression of the first meeting like I have a little daydream that kind of plays in my head I change it up all the time The point is I'm always smiling when I'm thinking of this I'm in this happy energy of Attracting in and while I did publicly announced that I did join the dating apps And and I'm merely here to say because we're going to talk about readiness in a moment Um, I look at any spoke in the wheel to connect with someone the more opportunities you can connect with people Whether it's real life, whether it's virtually whether it's through friends or whatnot Create as many portals To be able to connect with people You know and we have this medium that's you know electronic and so while I'm not saying it's the end all be all or and it certainly has its Faults to it. It's just energy. So So we're in a um, we have a question from jane If if I date a widower and go home and see pictures of past wife and her stuff Is that a sign to run? It's not I don't know if it's a sign to run It's definitely a an opportunity for a conversation about how that whether or not that person it feels complete With that relationship and if they've really made the space in their lives for someone new, you know I mean, I think that this is something that happens In so many instances, you know where you start dating someone and you realize that they have pictures of themselves And their past partner is still alive and publicly viewable or you know in their homes and so on and You know sometimes that can that that's important to make sure that you're engaging with someone who's fully ready to receive you Who's done the work who's prepared the space for you? And who is uh open to creating new memories with a new person, you know, yeah So that's really really important ever. We all have a past everybody's had past relationships and I think I think Grieving which is I think something we're talking about today Is is a really important ritual. It's a very important part of the renewal process We look at it, you know grieving doesn't isn't necessarily something that is like, you know, it should be Feared or dreaded, you know, like oh I have to grieve all this or grief is so hard You know grief is is is a sacred ritual It's a practice that we allow ourselves to go through in order to really cleanse and prepare, you know for The next phase of our lives, whether it's a phase of being single or a phase of you know starting We can grieve anything the loss of a business the loss of income the loss of a partner And so being able to really grieve and process that loss and feel complete with it allows us to gain clarity to open our hearts to Prepare the space for something new Yeah, and and to the extent that and again, I'm not going to make the comparison with the child loss But certainly at the loss of a spouse um If someone is deeply holding on to the pain and holding on to the desire that they wish even the Circumstances were different then they're probably not in a place to you know Be open to loving someone new at the same time It's I think the fact that when we love someone the love doesn't have to die per se It doesn't have to this it doesn't have to be shoved in a closet and the pictures be put In the addict kind of thing because I have pictures of my son all over the place. I got one right behind me Um, I think it's just but I also do believe if someone is if there's a charge There's an attachment to those photographs and there isn't a space to open it up for someone new Then um, it probably isn't the right time for in that particular case. So jane, that's uh, I think uh, Sabrina did a great job in responding and I hope you found value in what we shared We've got beach lover who's in the house and she says Even if an x left in a violent manner, how do you clear that? I find the negative energy lingering and it's been a year. Sabrina. What can I do? What can I do? okay, so You know part so part of why the negative energy is still lingering is because um A beach lover whatever your name is is holdings is still holding the interpretation that the exit was violent Right, so I think part of that is you healing yourself You know healing doing the work that we that needs to be done in order to um Move into a place of acceptance and you know recover from whatever traumatic Imprint that violent exit left on you And once you've done that healing work and you've been able to sort of let it go and find peace with yourself over what happened And maybe even forgiveness for him Um, you know at some point when that becomes appropriate and accessible You know without bypassing anything then um, you know, then of course there are things you can do to clear your space As we said there are rituals you can engage in and and here's the thing And I meant to say this when we're talking about the saging No amount of saging is going to clear anything unless you're ready to let go Right, you have to be really ready to let go you have to be in acceptance You know you have to get to the place where jonathan you got to with your relationship with marie Where you you realize that it was for the best right you realize that this was Something that you didn't want to be in anymore because it wasn't meeting your needs, right? And so once we get to that place of acceptance and that is an inside job We can only do that internally like this is what happened, you know Then we can engage in rituals and practices that help really anchor our acceptance And remind us that we did make the right choice so that the relationship ended because it was for the best And now we start, you know that negative energy as you say starts to really clear out because Move cleared it out from your heart first and foremost, you know, I've observed that When and to the extent that beach lever this this might if this creates any charge, it's not my intent I believe when you can say that the relationship merely ended The fact that you had to add the word violent in there You know when when a person can come to a place and say, you know what wasn't the right relationship It ended I think that's when a person is ready and I share this with everybody right now because I'm going to go down a rabbit hole real quickly sabrina You know During my single hood, you know, and I guess I'm technically back in single hood again But in the let me reframe that in my previous dating experiences I can't begin to tell you how many times I've spoken to women And I know this equally happens for women when they speak to men talking about their past relationships And it is they've been, you know, they were with a narcissist. They were with this user They were the blah blah blah in other words all of this negative charge When sharing the past experience And I have learned now that that to me isn't a red flag That's a deal breaker because to me When someone has a charge over their past relationship and they're describing it from a from a place of What's the word I'm thinking of, you know Acting as if they're one step back from it all But they're not really because if you feel a charge when you're describing it And if you have to describe it in such a way That even puts all the blame or most of the blame on the other person Then that person Is not moved on from it. They haven't healed at least that's my perception Yeah, I agree with your perspective on that. Yeah, I agree with the healing process I mean, you know, essentially that's the essence of what I share too, you know We in order to really let go of negative energy. We have to be willing to let it go within ourselves We have to do the healing work To own our part to see how we played a part to take responsibility for our part to take responsibility for our own state change Moving out of fear and anger and resentment and bitterness and into Acceptance and inner peace and ultimately love, you know, I think, you know, just to be clear I also don't want to step over in case, you know, beach lover or whoever's listening Yeah, is having an experience of someone who's actually physically violent, right? So if there is You know, if there is someone who is like, you know, my sense when she asked the question Is that, you know, maybe he like, uh, I don't know caused physical damage or, you know, I don't know like maybe there was there if there is a threat of danger like an actual physical threat of danger Is a real traumatic experience as a result of that traumatic response as a result of that Um, you know, it's it's really important again That you seek the help that you need To be able to recover fully to make sure you can feel safe again in your space to make sure that you can feel Supported in your process and feel safe in your body and feel safe in your house and safe even engaging with other people So doing the work that will help you get there is essential um I like the way Dr. Pat Allen says it if you have to call a doctor A policeman or an attorney Yeah That we really need to look at and make sure that we're dealing with within ourselves, you know And then I don't want to by the way I want to be clear because if I even remotely suggested that there isn't You know, like if you're truly a victim to meeting one of those three people in your life the doctor policeman or attorney Um, then obviously go seek that help. I was merely talking about it from the place of there's a charge Emotionally that negative energy charge that's misplaced on the other person That's usually a sign for me that that person hasn't healed much So we have another question that came in angela says that I thought you think you might find this interesting Sabrina, jonathan, wouldn't you say you are manifesting with intention? well, um Sabrina knows I have an app on my phone folks. There's an app on my phone called think up Sabrina turned me on to it. It looks like this Called think up And I have a series of affirmations That are recorded in my own voice I am worthy of a life partner life partner that meets my needs. Um Let's see, uh, I have more. Uh I have a lot of a business one too. Um I am creating a high-quality relationship with a conscious loving partner who wants the same things I do I'm in a loving passionate and playful romantic relationship Um, let's talk about manifestation for a moment as part of the way Manifest without intention. I mean we're first of all, we're met. Let me just reframe that as humans We are always manifesting whether we are doing it intentionally or not Okay, so we're always attracting to us things that are like us things that are a match for our Vibrational, you know frequency whatever it is that we're whatever energy we're holding in our bodies if I'm spending most of my time in grief I'm attracting experiences that will bring more grief if I'm attracting with You know spending most of my time in joy and happiness. I will attract experiences that bring more joy and happiness This is just the way it works from a universal, you know, law metaphysical perspective And so when I the the what makes, you know, living intentionally powerful is that now we're actually putting thoughts and energy and visualization and other techniques into really You know focusing on what it is we want in our minds, right? And so Manifesting with intention creating, you know living intentionally bring putting our attention on where we want energy to flow Is how we can accelerate? You know bringing that we want into our lives and the reason the app is powerful Is because as you know from working with me that you know 90% of your life is created by your subconscious mind and how do you reach the subconscious? You know the subconscious mind is most easily programmed when it's in what what's called theta wave brain stake and which can be Easily likened to a state of hypnosis For those that those of you that don't know and theta is a state that we go into naturally just before we drift off to sleep So at night before you go to bed you pop your headphones in you listen to some Subliminal programming and that gets your subconscious mind in alignment with what you consciously desire to create You know in your waking life When 90% of your subconscious mind is working with 10% of your conscious mind and they're supporting each other now We have a state of flow and life becomes effortless, right? So that's my spiel on manifesting in the subconscious mind in alignment with what you consciously design By the way really quickly it looks like my younger brother is in the house Oh Kenan is actually is uh her birth his birth name So he just says thank you so much for this live chat really great From both of you great questions as well loss is real and this chat has helped me and i'm a big fan of sage Kenan i had no clue that you knew what sage was so when i see you on friday We're gonna talk about that. Um really quickly. There was a couple other things i missed earlier I wanted to share with you. Um, uh with respects to beach lover. She said I forgave him perhaps not myself yet. There you go. I just want to That's on the hook. We are always the ones that are in the way of our own You know getting what it is that we want in life So jody p wrote a few minutes back. She said do you feel a magnetic pull towards mary jonathan? Or did you have reservations? I'm interested in the energetic dynamic you are in so Well, I want to answer that in a couple different ways. Um On on some level, I think I was aware that we were I think I knew this very early on we were misaligned but the same time And this wasn't from a place of lust or limerence. I I really do feel as though I my intuition knew there was a journey. I was meant to go on with her. There was a a learning experience. There was a A gift in this relationship and and i'm so grateful that we did I do believe that when you For lack of a better word surrender to all in, you know, it's kind of recognizing that Um You know, there's no such thing as a perfectly aligned person, right? I mean, you know I mean ideally you want to find someone as close as possible, but um in this particular case there were some differences I don't feel I I do I don't want to say that I don't miss her, but that doesn't feel like the right Words I have a care for her And my little kid on some level the ego might want her back You know, that's that little kid inside of me that wants to go back to an old patterning That is something that I've worked really a lot with sabrina to heal some of those wounds within myself Um, but I don't feel a strong charge like I don't feel this need to speak to her on the phone and want to get back together I don't have any of that charge Other than this is a person whom I really like and I miss some of that daily activity at the same time I'm I I recognize that if I was holding so much space for somebody else Which so many of my clients do they will not make space for someone new in their life I'm a firm believer that we make space for someone new and that's by By letting go or moving through or moving on with the past relationship I also if I can just also Add to what you're saying in terms of the energetic dynamic, you know, there's really only two dynamics available There's either attraction or repulsion Okay, we're either attracted to someone or repulsed by them like this is what energy does right We either want to lean in or we sort of are put off by something, you know what I mean and you know, whether or not we want to make that attraction turn it into something romantic or physical or That kind of thing then there's an even stronger charge there And those dynamics are usually created by you know a variety of things, you know, it could be karma It's could be like this is someone that I have something, you know Unresolved with that I'm here to complete something with and you know, we don't have to go into that conversation But that's in my experience a real thing it can be That most often is always the case where there is You know a major lesson to learn in that Dynamic that's going to serve you in the evolution of your journey here as a human Right, like we are You know, and I guess I'll just speak from my own personal experience and also even guided so many people over the years When we are really really attracted to somebody like there's a real strong energetic pull It is 100 percent because there is Work to do together that we have worked together You know there is work to do in this relationship. This relationship is going to trigger me. It's going to push my buttons It's going to set me with opportunities to grow to expand and to evolve and fulfill my potential for love Which is what we're here to do relationships are here to help us fulfill our own potential to embody love You know that you're here to complete me. I'm here to complete you and we're going to have this amazing ride together I mean those are wonderful ideas and concepts again keep in mind that those are romantic in nature And romance has very little to do with embodying love right as a way of being we have operating in the world And so relationships as we're drawn to people we're drawn to the experiences that these dynamics will represent for us So that we can grow and expand our own potentiality for love the embodiment of love Well, okay, so and we have another question that come in and I want to bring that up in a second, but not but and Well, our is our all relationships meant to be work and healing. I mean our I mean is it, you know, well, and I can't be there be fun and you know, lots of play and everything I'm not trying to say like all relationships are like a science experiment, you know Like it's you know, it's not just always but we're always learning and growing and we're learning and growing even in the fun that we have Of course, there is you know, there is fun and there is enjoyment and there's pleasure And there's all those things because you wouldn't stay in a situation if it was just You know constantly having to look at yourself and going through painful awarenesses, you know Um, it's all of those things. Yeah Okay, we have another question in the house from mel. She says why is it so difficult for us to forgive ourselves? This is by the way, that's this that's the billion dollar question now I know you have an answer. I love this. I love this question It's this is all goes back to childhood, you know, it all goes back to early childhood conditioning and feeling You know, like I'm either unworthy of love or I deserve to be punished or you know Whatever the messaging that we internalize as children is how we learn to talk to ourselves as adults And we read the the what we feel in those early childhood environments The felt experience is what we recreate in our adult relationships And so, you know, if you internalize blame and guilt and shame And you know felt like the things that went on in your early childhood environment For example, if your parents didn't get along or if there was a lot of fighting or you know There was a lot of issues growing up You may you might have internalized some of that as this is my fault Or it's because I'm not doing this or I'm not doing that enough and so You know over years and years and years of this like Internal dialogue solidifying and us of course because we believe it We're creating the evidence of this belief over and over again in our lives It's really hard to move on from that. We have to look at deconditioning our beliefs, you know deconditioning from this way of operating that says I'm not worthy of forgiveness. You know Why wouldn't you be you know, and I would also argue That your forgiveness of others is not genuine if you can't do it just isn't it's not authentic, you know You can't love others if we can't love you if you can't love yourself You can't have compassion for other people if you can't have compassion and empathy for yourself just like it's really not possible to Fully forgive another person without fully forgiving yourself You know something interesting occurs to me My brother is in the house, you know, we have a mother who She would whenever she got upset with my father me or my brother She would literally be emotionally gone for probably Three to five days. She would be emotionally gone and I I am acutely aware how I felt as a child experiencing this and it was like my mom abandoned me And you know, I was trying to get my mom's like it wasn't my fault like it might have been my dad's fault certainly, I I felt even more Acutely aware of it when it was me that triggered my mom to do this. Well, I'm bringing this up is I I don't believe my brother has has the same pattern in relationship that I do Even though we experience the same parents. Yeah, of course. Listen, I've heard thoughts on that Of course, I've worked with siblings that have come from the same family environment the exact same parents the exact same You know upbringing and they have two completely different versions of their childhood. You know, it's it's you know Our belief system is really influenced by our own inner subjective experience And so, you know, you're never going to have two people witness something in the same way because everything's getting filtered through our own ability to interpret and Our own disposition and tendencies and awarenesses and you know, there's a million different influences at play that are really not that relevant to to Explore what's more relevant is just looking at your own internal makeup and saying, you know this was my interpretation of my childhood And no an understanding that, you know, what you experience in that childhood How whatever that interpretation was we do these subconscious work to understand that Is affecting you in your life today. It's driving the choices your behaviors your patterns It's what you're attracting in your life because this is what you're here to heal Keep in mind, you know, and again, you know, I'm always taking our conversation down the spiritual path We are When we're conditioned in early childhood experience and you know those those developmental years We spend the rest of our lives on doing that conditioning Because it has nothing to do with the essence of who we are, you know, the way we are conditioned in a fear-based Way of living Is not in alignment with love So we spend it does why the personal development industry is such a, you know Multi-million dollar billion dollar industry So I corrected myself a billion dollar industry because Everyone is trying to just feel better and get into alignment We all just want to feel more aligned with our natural essence. We're trying to get back to ourselves, right? And what we've lost or how we lost it or when we lost it, we just know that we don't feel good, right? And so our job as facilitators to help people bring to help bring people back into love into their natural essence And and let go of that early childhood conditioning and once we've done that We've taken care of a lot of problems, you know, there's less conversations about how to meet the right guy What to do to meet the right guy how to vet the right guy how to be in the right relationship How to how to track the right person, you know, what platform should I use what should I do? There's less conversations about what I do because we're all focused on how to be right with his which is right with ourselves so, um I I once did an outline of the four stages of relationship readiness and You know the first stage is Which I'm going to piggyback on what you shared and I want to circle back to this is is a healing your past You know being you know being in a play in a good place with respects to your past relationships But more importantly your childhood Upringing and childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas and then I say the second phase is learning Who you really are and who's really compatible with you and I talk about discernment I say the third phase is the law of attraction And adding to that the what I call flirting skills because I think most humans Aren't really good at flirting and that's a skill that I think needs to be learned Just like when I was in sales and learned how to be a salesperson then lastly Knowing the tools it takes to make a healthy happy relationship. So I bring this up because this piggybacks on what you've just been talking about Is the importance that for everyone listening 80 90 of this is all healing from the past The techniques, you know the other little things dating apps and you know emails and text messages and all that That's just a little bit of the techniques You're doing not 80 to 90 percent of the work well before you meet someone You're more apt to attract someone in your life And I say this because as I reflect now on my own journey these past this really decade and a half I've just done a lot of work and and because of that I wake up just a bit happier every day. I am no longer in that space of Look at 15 17 years ago. I went to bed wishing I didn't wake up Now I get up at three in the morning because I can't wait to start the day Uh, and I'm saying that a little tongue-in-cheek. So okay really quickly. Jane. I just had to give a little spiel Uh, Jane is in the house and she says Can attraction move to lust? cannot attraction move wait cannot attraction Move to differ episodes in your life besides lust Let me think of what I think she's saying If you're not attracted to someone in the beginning, can that change as you get to know them? I think that and like to a place of Desiring them physically. I think that's where she was And please correct me if I'm wrong. I mean, I think that that's that's valid and also Attraction doesn't have to turn into lust. It doesn't have to turn into like you because I think earlier I said there's only two energetic dynamics, whether attracted or repulsed or repelled. Okay. Got it. Got it. Got it. Okay So he doesn't have to turn into lust. I mean, I think what separates us from animals is You know being able to we're in charge of our faculties. We're aware of attraction when it's present Um, you know, we're aware of polarity when it's present And that doesn't mean that we need to act upon it, you know So it doesn't have to turn into that anything without your consent I mean and we're choosing all of it ultimately we can have a energetic response to someone But ultimately, you know, we get to decide where how we want to play that attraction out Sometimes, you know, we're attracted to people because they're so intelligent or they're they just emanate such such warmth and beauty and and and you know Gentleness we feel healed in their presence or we feel, you know, comforted or safe in their presence, right? So sometimes we're just attracted to energy because it feels good That doesn't necessarily mean that, you know, as human beings We have a tendency to want to sexualize things or make that sexual Especially if we find what we're attracted to aesthetically pleasing and it doesn't have to go to that level That's just, you know, the ego's tendency to just want to, you know Really jump into something, you know and and, you know experience the fullness of it, right? And so it's important to Distinguish that that attraction can be present and it can simply be observed as attraction And nothing else I'm trying to find a meme. I I'm gonna apologize. I know the essence of the meme But I forget the author. I think his name is dan p something other. So please forgive me. I'm not acknowledging you properly But he said 99% of male problems 99% of Your problem, this is directed towards men. Yeah, if you if you can control your stomach your penis and your tongue 99% of your problems Will vanish On instagram, I saw it too. Uh, oh my god. What's his name? Dan penis. I'm like, I can't remember his name. I know you who you're talking about. Yeah, he's great I really love his stuff and it's all Stuff that we're talking about so And I'm just recognizing that in my own life. Um, that would be well like that's for women too I mean, you know, we have we also, you know, women are I think just as as Responsible for their own issues, you know, their own experience Uh relationship issues were problems that we call them. I you know, I call them opportunities for growth and expansion when we learn to really, um Learn how to, uh Control our sexual energy, you know, and we're not leaking it We're learning how to hold our sexual energy in a way that honors who we are in a way that commands respect You know, we're not using it. Um Irresponsibly, I think that we can well, we also find that we can, um Prevent a lot of You know, so quote unquote problems Yeah, it sounds Okay, we got another question in the house Are there ways to help people who don't realize they have a trauma to recognize? They need to do some work before they can put any of these practices in the play for a good relationship Yeah, I mean, um I think most people who don't know that they have You know stored trauma On some level, I mean, we may not have a direct connection to it But on some level in our everyday life, we feel stuck You know, we feel stuck. We feel blocked. We feel like something's missing We feel you know And so so many of us settle into this sort of complacent idea that maybe we might be unlucky Or we just don't have the right skills or we don't have what it takes or we just don't have the right Whatever opportunities or you know, we get stuck in that sort of victim consciousness The fact of the matter is is that if you're not living the life that you want like if your life isn't You know, if you're not bouncing out of bed joyful and excited to experience life in the way that you've created it Chances are that you are blocked by something and that that block can be Undiscovered explored and transmuted by you if you're willing to do some inner work Well, but here's where her question was and I think this is where she was going with it You know, can we help another person recognize this and and my belief system is Well, you know People in your life friends, maybe even a relationship might be able to have some Influence and I and I really mean it some Ultimately the individual themselves has to want to make a shift in their life. They have to want to heal and sadly Most of the time it happens after a humbling event I believe that most change happens either it happens, you know either Either desire for pleasure or or growth is so strong that it drives you to do it But that's rarely the case. I oftentimes find it's a deep humbling event and I know this in my own About there has to do you there is usually a bottom And that's where we find our humility, you know, I mean, yes widely known, especially in the 12 step movement You know, it's very widely talked about. It's like, you know, why does it take us to get to the point where we lose everything? You know, I mean, um, it's because that's where we are most vulnerable Our most vulnerable is when we hit a bottom and there, you know, there's a quote in in Uh, one of david david our hawkins books. It says heaven and hell are attended of an inch apart You know You just you get to that place where you've exhausted all avenues you've exhausted all options And there's nothing there's nowhere left to go but inward and then you become willing to go inward Yeah, I know even in my own personal life, you know Experiencing as I said before the corporate loss, you know the market crash and everything I was at such a low place I went to bed wishing I didn't wake up It was in that moment where I was like looking into the abyss and I didn't see my reflection if you will I said holy crap You know, I'm not ready to give up on this and I I began slowly changing my life. I actually remember I called my father And I and that was the first person I called it was in my mid 40s. I said dad. I need help You know and and he said I've been waiting for this phone call Like he didn't he knew like he didn't intervene, you know, I mean he was there when I was ready But he there was nothing he could do like he had this like sometimes you have to hit rock bottom in whatever form that looks like um Before someone can make a change and you know, I've been blessed ever since then because I'm a big proponent It's why I wrote my book, which is right behind me. But um I believe in personal development self-help spiritual work as a pathway to inner peace Um, and I'm a big proponent of working with a coach. So just to remind everyone I'm gonna post a link if if uh sabrina's voice Resonates with you. I highly recommend checking out her work. I work with her you've been A real god send to my life By helping me I think when we work with a coach folks, it's an opportunity to If a good coach can see your blind spots um Probably because most blind spots are the same anyway, but they're able to You can't do a good canal, you know I mean you can be a wonderful coach and a wonderful seer and a wonderful guide and in a facilitator and and we need each other We need we need everyone needs like you said support I think all the best people all the most excellent people have Coaches or support systems or you know people they can lean into It's a sign of intelligence and also willingness to improve and develop ourselves when we're seeking, you know Different perspectives and you know other ways of doing things, right? And so like you said, we all have blind spots And you know, I think when you embrace your human experience, we're talking today about like how to heal and thrive after a break Yeah, I want to hear something really quickly. Yeah, like I think when you embrace You know your experiences and start to recontextualize them and look at them from a different perspective You know and you allow but even the you know the most painful ones to You know to inform Your process and inform your choices and your evolution and you know Feed into your wisdom and help you develop as a person You're already thriving, you know, even if you're not like ready to date again Or you know in that place of of bringing in someone new as we're talking about today But like, you know, I think thriving using our our life experience any life experience to To help us become better people stronger people, you know people with more compassion and more empathy available to us Because of what we've been through You know and ultimately a grander capacity for love, you know, then we're we're doing exactly what we need to do to have the best life possible So I want to kind of um go down this final rabbit hole if you will Because I love going down nooks and crannies of things. Um, this is one of the reasons why folks I can be all over the map because I can go down so many different fissures and stuff So, you know, some people in my youtube universe and my social media, you know We'll argue on my own journey that i'm not ready For a relationship that you need to go through this and you need to go through that blah blah blah blah blah So I I I have an interesting awareness So first off I was ready for full commitment before I ever met Marie So I just want everyone to know that So to me the idea of going all in and being fully committed is something I've been ready for for a long time and while this particular Circumstance didn't work that readiness exists But something occurred to me and maybe it's why it feels a little scary. So And I wrote this out. I said Something occurs to me and maybe it's why it feels a little scary to go back out there I said superficial conversations lack depth And deep conversations require vulnerability and And I went on to say sadly too few people lack depth and equally few people have a capacity for vulnerability And yet I do believe that as many soulmates exist, you know, so I Being vulnerable again does feel a little scary You know opening myself up to another person sharing Parts of my personality my fears my insecurities being transparent There is a there and let me just say this it isn't like this strong charge of no I can't be vulnerable because Vulnerability for me is rather easy compared to most people But I certainly want to be very selective on who I want to be vulnerable with Um, I think the bottom line what I just shared Yeah, I think the bottom line is all I and this is for you and it's for anybody who's considering entering it You know a relationship again Especially after a period of grief and loss and integration Which is so important in between relationships Um, are you ready to learn about yourself again? Oh, well, that's easy. Hell yeah Let me is that wait wait say that what was that what was that again? I have to write this down Are you ready to learn about yourself again? Wow ready to That's the reason why I didn't hesitate because I love learning about myself like well if you look at Exploring the possibility and that doesn't mean of course, you know, I want you to have discernment and be you know vigilant and uh, you know very Honest with yourself about the person that you're sharing yourself with of course, you know We want to be we want to we want to make sure that we are engaging And here's the thing if you're involved when we talk about manifesting with intention and embodying love and doing the healing work If you're in that loving place where you're centered and grounded and who you are and you're worthy of love and you're feeling open-hearted and and and Having you know done a quite a bit of healing work You're naturally going to attract people that are already meeting you in that space Okay, so we only need to be very concerned about what we're attracting when we're really kind of not clear about the energy that we're holding Does that make sense? So if you're clear about the energy that you're holding you're doing less time Worrying about you know, is this the right one? Is this the right conversation? Is this the right now? When you put yourself obviously in a public platform like a dating app or something like that You might get all kinds of stuff, but you won't necessarily feel attracted to someone who isn't sharing your frequency. Okay So there's so there's that to consider So now we're now we're so we've sort of narrowed it down And now we have a few and now you're going to use your intuition to trust yourself and say, okay This is where I feel You know, I most resonate with the person I feel I resonate the most with you probably have You know a handful of questions ready to go based on your experience and what? Oh You're a veteran at this so you have your questions. You're like, you know, do you like this? Do you do this? Do you this important to you this matter to you? What are your values? And then once you've decided like, okay, we click, you know, could be a first date That could be a you know, two dates later. You realize, okay, there is synergy here. There is alignment here There is a an environment of shared values The real question now becomes is am I really ready to learn about myself again? You know with this person, right? And so that's really what it is because that's what relationship is You're going to learn about you through the eyes and the experiences and the reflections of this other person And they're going to learn about themselves through your eyes and your experiences and your reflections And this is what makes the beauty of partnership is that you're looking in the mirror and you're going I love what I see. I love you because I love what I see about myself and you And then and there'll be times when you say I don't like you at all. I can't stand you I don't like what I see about myself through you, right? So, you know now and then there's the opportunity for more love, right? For more growth and more expansion and more personal responsibility and then and the more we create that Transparency and vulnerability with our partners and sharing what we see what we like what we don't like and how we feel in each moment The more intimacy and connection And trust we create in that partnership and the more you've created A container that you can grow in right and it becomes mutually beneficial to both parties And this is what I wish for anybody, you know, who is Considering partnership, you know do it with this perspective you do it with this intention And relationships will feel a lot less scary and and more fun and more exciting Well, I just posted it right there. Am I ready to learn about myself again? Well, since I'm a junkie of learning about myself sometimes at my own detriment I know that answer is an astounding yes, so Back to the idea of readiness and for everyone, you know, I invite you to ask that question of yourself Am I really ready to go deeper? Am I ready to learn more about who I am in this dynamic connecting with someone else? Well, Sabrina we're we're we've gone an hour Which is usually my time frame for doing this folks If you found value in this conversation, you want to connect with Sabrina There'll be a link below in the show notes as soon as we wrap up. I invite you to check out our website There's a big healing going on tomorrow, right? A meditation I'll be on that Yeah, we have a free guided practice 30 minutes to I'm running at it a pacific for anybody who wants to join There is a facebook event under my name. There's a few co-hosts as well We will be guiding a 30 minute practice just in response to the unfortunate events that are happening in the world for anyone who's experiencing a lot of grief or Anger or resentment or just you want to be held in a space of compassion and empathy and and help Alchemize some of those feelings so we can feel more inner peace. Please join us Yeah, well, everyone. Well, Sabrina can I just reach into the camera and you give you a big gigantic Jonathan appreciation I'm hugging you back. Thank you so much Wow, I don't know how I did that Wow, I literally didn't do Wow I want to thank everyone that was on live and certainly those watching the recording if you got to this space sending you all Big gigantic Jonathan bear hug and wishing you a super duper wonderful fantastic day. Bye everyone. Thank you so much, Jonathan