 So today's my birthday, May 21st, today's Sunday, and I'm pretty much just spending the day alone. I intentionally wanted to spend my 38th birthday alone because I feel like I've always been yearning for people to make me feel special on my birthday. Doing extra stuff, surprising me and all of that, and I don't want to seek that outside of myself anymore. I don't want to seek happiness, love, celebration, all of that outside of myself. I want to do it for myself. So I actually had plans to take myself out to dinner last night, and then today I was supposed to go beach hopping. If you know me, you know the beach is my happy place. So I was going to, you know, go to Hotel Anaki, go to West Beach, and just really vibe and relax and enjoy the ocean, enjoy some vitamin C and some vitamin D. But nothing actually went as planned per se, and I did not go to dinner last night, not because I didn't want to, but because stuff happened. Emotions were high yesterday. I was very in much in my feelings yesterday, and I spent last night crying nonstop, just crying like balling. And not because I'm turning 30, because I'm actually excited about turning 30. I look forward to see what my 30s bring me. I spent the majority of my 20s taking care of others, putting everybody else first, being pregnant, breastfeeding, nurturing, taking care of a grown ass man, grieving. Like I spent the majority of my 20s doing everything but taking care of myself. So I'm excited to turn 30. Unlike other women who are scared to say they age or dread turning 30, I'm actually very excited about turning 30. I'm very happy that I'm here and I like to even see 30. So that's not the case, that's not why I was crying last night. Without going into too much details, what I would say is that I had an epiphany last night, and that was only the people you care about, only the people that you love and hold very close to your heart can hurt you. Only those people have the power to hurt you, and my feelings were very hurt yesterday. It was very much hurt. I was sad. I was sad. I didn't want to be sad. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to be in my feelings because I wanted my spirits, like my spirits has been up and high and my energy has been great because like I said, I've been looking forward to my 30th solar return. But yesterday, like I allowed people to dampen my spirit. I allowed people to make me feel lesser than. I allowed people to question my abilities as a mother and I cried last night because of that because I don't want to give anyone that power. But the truth is they had that power because there are people I love, there are people that I care about and there are people that hold a very dear part in my heart. And with that being said, I wouldn't say my biggest lesson, but a very big lesson that I've learned is be careful who you love. Be careful who you love and give your energy to. Be careful who you allow into your sacred space because it's the people closest to you who has that power to hurt you. If a complete stranger lies to you, it does not affect you the way it would if someone you love lies to you, you know? So be careful who you love. Be careful who you allow to affect your emotions. So be careful who you give that power to, you know? And when I say give that power to, it doesn't mean that you don't have the power. It just means that you've opened a part of yourself so vulnerable to these people that they now have access to your vulnerability. They have access to affect your energy and affect your mood. So be careful. And with that being said, it took a lot to dig myself out of that sadness this morning because I didn't want to spend my solar return sad. I even have like a slight headache right now from all of the crying I did last night, but I'm not going to let that ruin my day and I'm not going to let that keep me in a low vibrating mode. So I just took myself out to brunch and I enjoyed it, daring into the ocean. And now I'm going home to change and breastfeed my baby and then I'm going to hotel on the key. And I'm just going to enjoy the rest of my day and see where it takes me, but I'm happy, you know? And although things are going to happen in life that give you these moments of feeling down, I must say that I am happy overall. I am happy and I am grateful to be able to say that today because at one point I was not happy. At one point I was actually very miserable. So I don't even know where I'm going with this video, but it's my birthday and if you're watching this, I want to wish me happy birthday. Do so by taking care of yourself, practicing self-care. That is what my 30s is about, is about putting me first. It's about doing all the things that I usually expect others to do for myself, doing it for myself. Like taking myself out, buying myself flowers, buying myself gifts. I bought myself a very nice birthday gift. I'll show you all in another clip. But I am going to do for me what I've been seeking outside of myself for so long. It took me 30 years to get it. 30 years. Can you believe that? But I get it. I get it. And I'm going to do better. This next decade is going to be amazing. This next decade is going to be full of abundance and prosperity. And I am going to pour into myself and pour into others because I'm going to have such an overflow that I'm going to be able to give. And that's all I want. All month, all I've been trying to do, all I've been doing is pouring into me. I've been practicing self-care and self-love on a level that I didn't even know exists. And I love that for me. I love that. So celebrate my solar return with me by practicing self-care. You know, go get that massage, go to the acupuncturist, go to the chiropractor, you know, go to the beach, relax, meditate, listen to music, that thing, do whatever makes you feel good. Because self-care is not just going to get your nails done and getting your hair done, putting in your weave. That's not like for women, we tend to take that as self-care and then cut it off. Self-care is not just drinking a glass of wine. Self-care is taking care of your mind, soul, and body in a way that makes you feel good, makes you look good, makes you glow on a whole different level. So I think that's it. That's what this video is about. I want to encourage everyone to practice self-care and self-love and never ever feel guilty for putting yourself first because you have to put yourself first in order to give to anyone else. I'm a mother of three and I found that this month I've been so much more patient with my children. I've been so much more present with them because I haven't been frustrated. I haven't been easily irritable and that's because I've been pouring into myself. So I'm going to continue that. It's not going to just stop after my solar return. I'm going to continue doing that because I'm a much better me for myself and for my children because of it. I'm going to just go with the flow today and enjoy my day. And I don't know if this is just going to be it for the video. I'm going to record somewhere, but comment below how you practice self-care. Comment below what is one thing you're going to do that you've never done or been wanting to do to pour into yourself. Anyways, to all of my melanated women, protect your wound by any means necessary. And to everyone watching, protect your peace by any means necessary. I wish you all love, light, and prosperity and you'll see me in my next video. You are all about, we go both shine, Gemini. I am going to nurse my baby before I go to a hotel and a key. But I just wanted to show my birthday gift to myself. It's a Maldivite stone. You caught yourself making you caught my salary yesterday. You caught yourself cooking for yourself yesterday. So, what do I have? I know. For the sun goes down. Short and close. I know. You like it? Me too. Thank you. This light in is horrible, but it's getting dark outside. The sun just set. My sister's house too. So my little beach day is over. Everybody on the ground when I was at the beach today, like this was like a designated beach day. I mean, usually the beach is full on Sundays, but this is like, this was like next level. Like everybody decided to have a party on the beach today. So, I had to... First I went to the hotel on the key and it had a lot of people over there. Well, at least a lot of people for me. It had a lot of people there, but most of them was like in the restaurant area. So I was still able to find a little piece, a little corner to myself. Because if you know me, you know I don't like a crowded beach. And so I enjoyed my time there. I ate my lunch, took a dip, just vibe. Like I was just really gazing into the sea a lot today. But I had to finish my day in the west because there's nothing like West Beach. And I also wanted to see the sunset. But it's funny because this guy... I can't talk. This guy was clear. It's crazy. Like I don't know if y'all can see all the amount of cars. Like it's so many people in West Beach right now. And if over here look like this, I know rainbow side look ridiculous too. But what was I saying? I lost my train of thought. Oh yeah, I had to finish my beach day in the west because I wanted to watch the sunset. The skies were clear in East. Like I could see the sun clearly. The sky was clear everything. Although I did see them polluting the air. It's this long chem trail. But when I came to the west, it's like you can't even see the blue sky. And it's just this thick layer covering the sky and the sun. So the sun was setting but you couldn't really see it. However, I just found a spot on the beach that was empty. Which is an area where you can't really go in the water. You probably can go in the water but it's so much rocks that I wouldn't try climbing over all those rocks to go in. So I just set up on the sun and played some music. And did a quick little flow, yoga flow and flow. Just enjoying my own company to be honest. And recorded a little bit of my flow just to capture some pictures. And that was it. There's nothing like West Beach. Like I love West Beach. I could never get tired of coming to the West for the beach. And something just dawned on me when I was driving off. Because it's like a reminder to myself to not expect me from other people. That was another big lesson that I learned. I wouldn't say now but like yeah, within the past year and a half. I learned that I have to stop expecting me from other people. And as you know today is my solar return. And somebody that I consider a very close friend. I was like expecting them to at least give me a phone call. You know, like thank you for the text. But for me a phone call is more meaningful. And I got a text which was fine. At least you remembered. But it was still a little disappointing. Anyways, that's neither here or there. My point is where the hell am I? Did I take a wrong turn? I took a wrong turn. I'm hitting a dead end. Cause I'm busy running my mouth. Now I gotta try and turn around here. Anyways, I just came back on here to pretty much wrap up my day. I'll let you all know what all I did. I went hotel on the key like I said. Then I came down west to watch the sunset which I couldn't really see. But I just enjoyed my time on the beach and I vibed. And going to the beach for myself is something I always do. It's something I enjoy doing and I like to do it alone. But I just realized that. And I want to take my children to the beach more often. But because they're all still so young. I am literally scared to take all three of them to the beach by myself. So I'm always relying on somebody to go with me when it comes to taking them. And that's not always convenient. So just thinking like I can't wait for the baby to get older. To where I could just manage taking all three of them to the beach by myself. I know it sounds crazy like why she can't take her children to the beach by herself. But there's all three young children. So you can just like I can't just have three of them in the water without making sure they're safe. Which is another issue because I want to put them in swimming classes. Anyways, whatever. But my point is I want to take them to the beach more often. Summer is here and that is going to be one of my goals. To take them to the beach more. Where am I? I just drove around in a whole circle getting lost. I don't usually drive this way. So a little bit confused in terms of where I am. But anyways, that's the end of my day. Right now I'm driving to my sister house. It's time to feed the baby. It's been time to feed the baby. But he's been so good today. And I'm grateful for the time that he allowed me to have to myself. And to be honest, I have a slight headache. And I think I think it's mainly from the crying I did last night. And maybe I didn't drink enough water today because the only water I drank today was this bottle. So I'm going to go home. Once I get things situated I'm going to go home. Heat up some tea because I made some tea this morning. I'm going to heat up my tea. I'm going to take a shower. Start to wind down. I have to get the boys ready for school tomorrow in terms of getting their clothes and their lunch and snacks situated. I should go on the highway. Let me go, let me go, let me go. Yeah, that's about it. I'm grateful for today. And I'm going to continue celebrating my birthday for the rest of the month. So I have a little rate. Ooh, that's... Only on St. Croix do they just dig up perfectly good roads and then don't fix them. Only on St. Croix. Anyways, how much time have I said anyways? What was I saying? Yeah, I'm going to continue celebrating my solar return for the rest of the month. Celebrating me pouring into me and implementing my self-care practices throughout my life. Like, I am committing to having one chiropractor, one acupuncture and one massage a month. That is my commitment to myself. Oh yeah, I have a little Araki session tomorrow. And I think that's the last of my series of appointments and self-care appointments I had for the month. So I want to go to the beach a few more times this month. And yeah, that's about it. I enjoyed my day. I full-joyed my day. I enjoyed my own company. And I am happy I was able to enjoy my own company. People, they feel like they can't do things by themselves. But I love to be alone. I'm a loner. No, not in that sense. No, let me not say that. That's going into our own other topic. I enjoy my own company. However, I don't want to be alone. Relationship-wise, I don't want to be alone. I know that I don't want to be alone. But I don't want to be in a relationship right now. That's what I'm going to say. So, it's another thing I was meditating on today. It's just that like, when the universe, when the most high do bless me with a king man again, I want him to be thoughtful. I want somebody who listens to me intentionally. I was literally meditating on that today. And I say that because I realized that was something that was missing. Like I would talk and say things and he's listening but he's not listening. Or it's like he's hearing me but he's not listening. Like I don't want to have to ask you to do things or ask you to do nice gestures for me. Do nice gestures for me. Why can't I pronounce that word? I want you to listen to me and then do thoughtful things based on things you've heard me say. It doesn't make sense anyways. Whatever. We're not getting into that. I enjoyed my day. I'm down tonight and try to get rid of this little headache that I have and get some rest. I hope you all enjoyed me rambling. Sorry about this bad quality right now. It's like kind of blurry and then the lighting is bad. It's making me look crazy. But I enjoyed my day. So to all my melanated women watching, protect your womb by any means necessary. And to everybody watching, protect your peace by any means necessary. By any means necessary. I can't talk today, my son. Wow. This is what happened when you turned 30. I wish you all love, light and prosperity and you will see me in my next video. Peace.