 All right, we've got someone in the house, Alisha. All right, I decided to join. I've been watching them for weeks and I'm at work, so we'll get it done anyway. Can you just sit still? Here, let me put you somewhere so I can meet you still and then I can in. Okay, cool. Well, thank you. What do you got for me? And we want to give Margaret a big props for the $7.99 Super Sticker. Thank you. So what's your question? I don't know if I have a question so much as a situation that I'm not really sure what to do with. I've been on a healing path for like eight months. I was in an open marriage for like eight years. So I stepped out of the field from that and I kind of went celibate and I did my thing and I slowly started dating. I met this doctor and we went really slow. We got to know each other. We got hot and heavy for a month and then we kind of backed off and we were seeing each other. Okay. And he kept saying he wasn't ready for a relationship and I'm like, okay, I'm not gonna invest in someone that doesn't want to invest in me. So I started dating, went on a couple dates, few nice men, and then I sent the guy a message thing that I missed him because I did miss his company. Like we had a lot in common. We both love real estate. And so it went well. And then his son passed away. We like ride motorcycles and his son was hit and run and he was killed. So I showed up to the funeral to show my support. He was really taken back by it. I sent messages. Yesterday he decided, you know, he was ready to get out of the house, decided to meet me. We talked. He's kind of a mess. I understand that he's at the beginning of his healing process. He just needs a friend. So I haven't been asking for commitment. I just wanted the first time in my life, I just was taking the time to get to know someone. Before- Did you have sex with him after his son died? No. Okay. No, I won't go there. I told him I would be there to hold him, but I'm not gonna go there. But when we said goodbye last night, because his sister kept telling him, we'll just take her home. And he's like, no, I wanna go slow. And I'm like, okay, he knows I've been patient. I'm fine. He's walking me to my car and he tells me he loves me. Okay. I love him too. I do have those feelings for him. We've gotten into each other, but he's kind of in a mess mode. Like, did he really hear what he said? And he's not always showing up. He's a very busy man. So he's been very, I see him a couple of times a month. So now I don't know if this actually means anything or not. Okay, so the saying, I love you. Yeah. So let's think about, let's think about I love you for a moment. Hold on a second. Do you have children? I do. Okay, so I'm sure you know what it's like to love your children, right? Yes. And you have parents at some point in your life. And I'm sure you know what it's like to love and be loved by your parents. And I'm sure you have friends who you feel a tremendous amount of love for, right? Yes. And he happens to be a man of the opposite sex who you've been physically intimate. And so women oftentimes hear the words, I love you and go, oh, he's gonna commit to me for the rest of his life. Okay? Like that's true, but that's the way women operate. And it is the furthest thing from the truth because I've said I love you to women because in that moment, I was feeling a tremendous amount of energy, of feelings, okay? But I wasn't prepared to, but, and I've said the words I love you, but what are the words behind I love you matter most? And let me read them to you. What it means is I'm here. You matter. We are important. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere. And I only want you. Women hear I love you and they think that's what a man is saying, but you even said it yourself. He's not capable of going there right now. He's not capable of going all in. He's a mess. And by the way, as a man who lost a child, as you already know, okay? I had no business dating. I wanted companionship. I wanted connection. I wanted sex, okay? But there was no possible way I could commit back then. And if you've been watching my work long enough, you know about the three types of men dating. The users, the spenders and the grower builders. He's most likely in that spender category right now that he's not capable of anything serious, but here's the dilemma you're faced with. See, you're rationalizing this relationship because in some deep dark part of the back of your mind, you're like, but it could change. Like there's this subconscious thing in you going, but this could change, okay? And all energy you provide him blocks you from energy that you could be putting towards somebody who could actually be a real candidate. Yeah, and I have a couple of really nice guys that I've been talking to and I don't. Now I'm like, well, now that he brought that out, am I not allowed to talk to anyone else now? Like what do I, do I, it's really left me confused. Well, the thing is you're only seeing him a couple of times a month. This is more has to do with your internal attachment because as I said, you might be on a subconscious level attached to him, hoping that magic fairy dust will heal him because magic fairy dust always heals people. Yeah. I highly doubt he's seeing a therapist. I highly doubt he's doing the inner work. I'm not saying he couldn't be, but I'm saying I highly doubt it. So you're betting on a future and it doesn't necessarily mean you can't be friendly to him and kind to him, but if you, I guess the question is, if you want to make a stand, are you ready to make a stand for what you want? Not him. I'm just talking about the relationship that you want. Are you willing to make a stand for the kind of relationship you want? Well, and I feel like I am. Like I was able just over the last month, I was able to face my ex, who I hadn't seen in eight months. Okay. I thought he was my soulmate and I was waiting for him to come back and I was crushed. And I just, I felt like, you know, I finally learned, I mean, still be learning and I'm still healing, but I'm learning what I value in a relationship and what I want someone to bring to the table and what kind of relationship I want. So when I looked at my ex, it was easy for me to say no, you know. By the way, Jennifer Rivera says on the, she says to the hot seat person run and she's talking about them. I think talking about the other man. So I just want to give you some insight of what are the ladies think about what you should do. So, you know, here's the thing. I'm a big, like it was nice. For me, it was nice having female company when my son passed away. And to that extent, I wasn't overtly intimate with anyone. I just wanted the company. But what we're really talking about is for you, what it for you is making a stand for what you want and then putting a majority of your energy in that. And while you can be a kind, loving person to this person, you've only known him cumulatively for a short period of time in your life. Okay? I don't think you should give, you know, like you, there's no, I don't believe you should give him all in benefits and it hasn't even been earned yet. And I'm not suggesting you are, but I'm just merely saying, you know, I think it's best that you put your energy towards what you want because, you know, most likely, and it's not just the loss of his child, you guys were, the way you entered into the beginning of the relationship when you started was a bit kind of, you know, without intention to begin with. People, so we decided we weren't gonna rush to commit. Yeah, but you had, by the way, oh, that's bullshit. You rushed to have sex, but you didn't rush to commit. That's the biggest bullshit. I'm gonna take it slow, like, but here's the problem. And I said this in the beginning of the broadcast, physically committing to physically, physical intimacy should be sacred. It should be reserved for people that are ready for all in, okay? And not, listen, I'm not here to suggest that you wait to have sex, but I'm saying it's, I think it's really important to have sex with people who are, look it, most guys that are happily in love, happily in love, if you interviewed a thousand guys who are happily in love with somebody that they've been with for one year or longer married, they will all say the same thing. I knew on the first, they knew by the third date, okay? They might not have known on the first date, but they knew by the first 30 days, they knew it. Like, they didn't have to say, let's take it slow, okay? The minute you say it, take it slow, that's a metaphor like, I'm willing to put one fit in the water, but I wanna have one foot out of the water, so if this doesn't work out, I can run. But you interview anybody who's in a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship who is into their partner. They didn't have to say, let's take it slow. In fact, we're like, let's just dump in the deep end and see what happens. I understand what you're saying. You see, and I wish I would have started watching you right after him and I had started dating. And I felt like I learned a lot from you, like looking even though I started dating again and when I got online, like, it felt good. It was the first time in my life I went into the dating world and I wasn't sleeping with people right away. Bravo, yay! Props to you. Hey, well, Alicia, I'm gonna give a chance for someone else to jump on. Did I give you any value tonight? You did, you did, because that's exactly what I needed to hear, so thank you. Okay, can I send you off with a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug? Thank you. Okay, thank you. All right, you be well, take care. Well, that was a fun conversation. It seemed like the general gist was to run, run, run. And I think what's most important and given what that she's gone through or what he went through, it just sounds like it's gonna be a while for he's ready for a relationship and what she should do is make a stand for her sovereignty, make a stand for her choices and then operate from that. Does everyone agree with that? Please let me know, okay.