 So you learned about masturbation from a cis hetero male And he was like, that's not true. You can masturbate and I was like, what the fuck do we need boys for? What? Stevie Bobby! This is like such a long-awaited collab on my channel I've been asked about you constantly and you're such an inspiration and a force in this field So I just want to say thank you. I'm so grateful for the work that you do And I'm grateful for saying yes to collabing with me this way Let's just touch skin for a second So today I want to do a nosey expose into your sex life Which I'm sure everybody who knows you probably already knows But I just kind of want to go into the inner workings of what made you the powerhouse sexual vixen Just free spirit that you are today So if you thought back over your span of seeing yourself as a sexual person Do you have a first memory that comes to mind? Oh god, well for me it was way late. So I grew up in The fucking south in a town of 13,000 people and they had abstinence only education So yeah, like my health teacher told me if you Wore a bikini, swam with boys in a bikini you could get pregnant Just like so much misinformation just absolute bullshit And so I didn't like I never Experimented with masturbation as a kid at all like I started having sex before I'd ever touched myself really yeah So you never had a period of time like when you were eight or when you were young where you were just curious about your body Or saw yourself as sexual in any way no the first time I masturbated and then realizing I was a lesbian was like So the time between those two events was like six months. Oh wow, you just got to pop it Yeah It's like self exploration helps you learn so much about yourself and before that I literally thought I was like I'm not like other people like I don't have feelings for people like We're like I don't know so you saw yourself as almost like asexual for a while where it just never no I didn't I didn't know that sex is supposed to feel good I thought that it was just supposed to feel like a chore So I was compared like sex with men for me is like washing the dishes are doing the laundry It's not repulsive, but it's like not fireworks and not exciting And so dishes are repulsive first of all so gross So you were sexually active before you considered yourself sexual. Oh, yeah, so how did that happen? Um, I was sick of being a virgin I remember I think I lost my virginity like I got my first kiss and lost my virginity in the same week Because I was just like sick of having it and I just like chose a dude to lose my virginity to and just did it And I was like well, thank God that's over. Mm-hmm So now I don't have to keep saying I'm a virgin were you sick of it for like feeling teased or just like Not feeling you could relate to people like what about it made you feel like I'm done with this I think it was that I felt more like the older I got The more ostracized I felt and because I grew up in a place that's abstinence only education girls lose over journey much younger and so like You know most most of my friends and girls I went to school with were having sex at like 12 13 14 So yeah by the time I was 17. I was like, I'm the only one left I remember the first time I like got a crush on a girl that I was worried could be a crush because you know Of course you look back and you're like, maybe that was a crush But I was on my senior English teacher But I was I had already like been living on my own and I was already 18 and I was like in Ohio Like I moved away to a different state and then my best friend kept catching me staring at her and was like Are you a lesbian? Really? Yeah, and I was like no and then I was like This is just a one-time thing right and then the second thing was happening I got my first pap smear And she like put her fingers inside of me to like feel my ovaries on both sides Obviously it wasn't sexually aroused. It wasn't sexually arousing to me Although maybe it is to some people But I just couldn't stop thinking about the fact that a woman's fingers were inside of me And I kept like I was like telling my boyfriend about it like why can't I stop thinking about her? He told me that was the boyfriend that told me that girls can masturbate Because I was told that girls can't only boys can So you learned about masturbation from a cis hetero male Mm-hmm, and he was like that's not true. You can masturbate and I was like what the fuck do we need boys for? What was he a good boyfriend? Yeah, he was very sweet. Do you look at that and say that was a positive time for my sexual self? I mean, yeah, I think sexual sexually absolutely romantically absolutely fucking not Mm-hmm Yeah, I was still figuring it all out. I was still like I was still on not homeless too So I was like trying to get it together and like figure out what my career was gonna be trying to like be able to afford food and housing and shit, so Yeah, it was it was rough in every area except for sexually I feel like that was when I was masturbating the most getting to know what I liked And you started your channel in your twenties too. Yes Well, I actually made my first video in 2006 and like I had a different channel So like I made some comedy vlog my first video was about how women should masturbate more. Oh, nice So you already knew what you wanted to do. It's so funny. So do you feel like When did you start to feel because you're a sexual educator now at what point were you like? Oh now? I'm an expert in this area. Oh, I still don't feel that way I really feel like I'm just like a peer educator and because I'm like I don't go I don't go and try to teach myself at like an actual institution to like why I matter though What's the difference um? Do you feel like you know more than the average person that you've got even the fact that you were 19 years old and you had a Positive sex life where you felt like you knew how to get yourself off. You were comfortable with your body and you identified yourself Accurately sexually that's amazing. I think that takes a lot of people 30 more years on top of that Like those are all really big accomplishments But yeah, I don't think that you have to have a degree to like be an educator But I don't think that I have made choices to make this like a like a like a lifelong career for me mm-hmm So I think that like peer education and like sex entertainment has kind of like that's what I would really call my web series But yeah, I don't know I did it because I didn't have it if you were to teach a class of like steve's top five things to know about sex to Have a great sex life. What would you put in that class? Oh my god? The first thing that I think surprises a like I'd say more than half of the people Adults that are my age that I talked to is what a fluid exchange is because I don't think people really talk about fluid exchange And like that that is what increases your chances Of spreading us. Do you say spreading? I forget what the what you're supposed to say now. I Like distributing It's sharing now. I Think attachment theory is really cool and like a really easy way to talk to people about different types of responses to trauma and upbringing and stuff What's your attachment style secure some yeah, congratulations some fucking how I always say the like I'm happy that My mom didn't wasn't abusive until I was five Cuz well, you may have even like your fuck boy stage may have been semblance of avoid it. Oh, yeah Yeah, so I have right now. I wish I would have taken it back in the day because it was probably worse But right now I have like three avoidant points in one anxious point Like 80 points or something. So yeah, I definitely lean towards avoid it. Okay, so we've gotten to so fluid exchange But fluid exchange you just mean what a fluid exchange is. Okay. Yeah, break that down for me Cuz I don't even know if I fully know it okay So any any mucus membrane any place on your body that that secretes fluid and that touching someone else's Fluid is how you can contract STDs STIs So like literally if you put your pussy on my eyeball that is a fluid exchange. Yes snot mouth genitals Obviously anus all of that so many people think they're like oral sex is a safer way to have sex when it's not Well, I had somebody else in this channel who was lesbian and said that they lesbian community and sexual health Just don't necessarily line up all the time like there's this notion that there is no sexually transmitted infections in that community Yeah, not true. It's lesbians are five times more likely to have chlamydia than a straight person And it's because you get it from eating pussy and we eat a lot of pussy. Yeah statistically All right, so we're doing five lessons. We only got to two So that's fluid exchange and then we did actually attachment theory creating your own safe sex circle Especially if you aren't in a monogamous long-term relationship Yeah figuring out what your rules are and figuring out how to advocate for yourself. I wish I would have learned that dungeons are actually Safer places consent-wise than most fucking bars and clubs Because in the BDSM world consent is so focused on and like safety and being risk-aware is so focused on So how do you incorporate sexual health into your sexual routine in a sexy way? Well, I'm like kind of dummy so like I get off on being withholding So I like do it in a sexy way like you're not allowed to eat my pussy You have to wait three months where you don't eat anybody else's pussy before or whatever So I guess it's kind of I don't know. I never do you use dental dams. Do people use dental dams? God I hate this. I hate saying no, but no, right. I know Yeah, if people use them, then you'd be able to find them at stores easier Yes, people stock them and then they expire, you know, because nobody buys them Yeah, I would rather not eat pussy than use a dental dam. Yeah Yeah So normally I I just have like a three-month waiting period Where you don't fluid exchange with anyone else and then get tested at the beginning and the end and then we can fluid exchange but Then if you hook up with anyone else, even if it's a casual thing Then we go right back to the beginning of the three months or you wait three months for them to like create a safe sex circle Mm-hmm, and I think I've talked about that before That's awesome I mean, it's great to have an actual system because people again like you said like the goal is to have safe sex But the reality is that you just want to connect with people like finding that bridge in between to an actual strategy is really hard for a Lot of people especially again if you're part of a community that doesn't have accessible safe sex tools that are palatable Because yeah, a dental dam is not necessarily like maybe it's just also marketing because the condom feels a lot less Robotic than the dental dam does yeah, I mean how many people do you know that use condoms when they're sucking dick? Yeah, that's sexy they've ever had Best sex I've ever had. Oh my god. I have no idea. But like the first girl I ever had sex with We were they were doing a little bit of kinky stuff and also I like I was in college And I lived on or in my bedroom. I had like two air mattresses stacked on top of each other And so we were having very loud Rowdy sex and I had a pet snake at the time and I lost her what? Yeah, so like during the sex my beds were like everywhere My air mattresses were ever my clothes were everywhere and then I lost my snake for like a month It leaves a lot to the imagination. It definitely makes my mind go places worse sex you've ever had before. Oh My god worst sex I've ever had. I don't even know how to describe why it was so bad. It was just like Why are you rubbing my thigh? out of rhythm Like you're not even anywhere near my vulva and you think you are and also Where is the rhythm at all? What what does that feel like? What is an out of? I don't even remember it like that Yeah, yeah, exactly. It was just like that is how I Was like what is even happening? So your sex life now you feel like is a holy fucking shit. Yes part of your life Yeah, and also but also your fucking book helped me a lot not specifically with How to find someone I'm sexually compatible with but on how to like find people I'm compatible with romantically With your fucking list that took me so long the only pick five things But yeah, cuz I didn't even pick sexual compatibility is my top five But like obviously it's a big fucking deal, you know, what's fascinating about that is that I feel like as Sexual educators we can almost create compatibility because we know what the parts are we know what the things are so a lot of the Times when I'm with somebody who doesn't know I'm like, okay, like I can see how I can teach you But there's the truth of the matter is like you said there are some things that you just simply can't teach There's just an inherent chemistry that either is or is not there. Yeah, I think yeah, I think that um, I Think that anything can be learned, right, but I think that people's general Desires and like things that they strive for like their natural selves can can just be compatible or not compatible with your natural self, right? So I don't know at this point in time if somebody came to you and said Stevie How do I have the best sex of my life? What advice would you give them? Oh? God, I've literally no idea how to answer that just well How would you answer for yourself like how how would you tell yourself? Okay? Here's how we have the best sex of our life Do it with yourself Right like I don't know I think that the best the best way for it to carry over into your sex life with other people is to like fuck the shit out of Yourself how you want to be fucked, you know I Wish I would have started masturbating when I was like nine. You're doing pretty good though For somebody who started late you figured it out pretty early. I think I started it around like Six and I didn't really figure it out until I was like maybe 23 Wow Yeah, I kind of figured it out in pieces Then you would figure out a truth and then something like someone would tell you something that would deny your truth So you would suppress that then you would go on a different path and then rediscover that was actually true What you knew at six years old and so I feel like mine was like a lot of flip-flopping, but it feels like in a way yours was almost like Yeah, definitely Yeah, definitely that For sure and we're still going Keep learning new shit I'm gonna turn that into a high five