 The FW Fish Company makers of those fine fish products presents a new fish bandwagon, starring Alice Bay. You'll never know just how much I love you, you'll never know just how much I care. Come with me to Alabama, let's go see my dear old manicky frying eggs and brawlin' hammy, that sugar cured hammy, that red gravid hammy, and that's what I like about the style. As we join Phil and Alice now, it's morning at the Harris residence, and like many a mother, Alice is busy in the nursery getting her little family ready for the day. Now hold still baby, while I comb these pink socks, there. Ah, you have beautiful hair, and it's so much wavier since I've been putting it up in bobby pins every night. Mommy? Yes, honey? Will you do my time on daddy? When you start bringing home some cabbage, we'll concentrate on you, until now you ain't made up biscuits. But daddy, mommy doesn't spend all that time on her hair, and she's much prettier than you are. That's a lie, and you know it. Don't mind your daddy, baby Alice. When he got up this morning, he was a little G-R-O-U-B-A-Y. Mom? If you have something to say, let me in on it, I'm no head man at this house. Don't be so touchy. What do you mean touchy? The last time you started spelling things, some doctor put me out of the room and we had baby Phyllis. You're ridiculous. Alice, why don't you go out and play with Phyllis? I'll do your hair later. Yeah, goodbye, baby Alice. Come on, hot shot. Oh, Phyll, are you wearing that coat today? What if you wear your sport coat? No, honey. That's too long. Phyllis, not too long. Please wear it. What? And hide my yellow shoes? What are you all dressed up for? Oh, I thought I might take a run over to 20th Century Fox. They called me up yesterday. Oh, they called you up, huh? Look, kid, you don't want to make another picture. Well, I'm not saying I do, but you can't expect me to ignore them over to the studio. After all, they do have me under contract. Under contract, under contract. I've been under contract for years with Jackson and it doesn't mean nothing. Break the contract. Oh, all right. But if I do, they'll stop sending those texts every month. Oh, well, that's different. Put on your track shoes and get on over there. These are castics. But, Alice, if you make another picture, who's going to take care of the house? And what about the kid? Oh, that's all right. If you'll take care of Everton. I know, honey, but who's going to do my hair? The sweetest little musician this side of Lombardo. Oh, good morning, Mr. Harris. You sit right down there and I'll fix you something real nice. Uh, bless you, honey. Hey, Sissy, you always get up this early. Mr. Harris, I don't call this early. Why, when I was a girl back home, my father got up every morning at 5.30 and brought in a big load of wood for the stove. Yeah, well, about that time my old man would come in with a pretty big load himself. I did about Mrs. Harris going to the studio this morning. Excited 50 years. I'm so excited. I've just overcome with emotion. Oh, you know, Mr. Harris, I've always enjoyed Alice's face so much in pictures. Why, I used to watch her in those love scenes with Tyrone Power and I'd say to myself, wouldn't it be wonderful if that sweet little girl would marry some nice clean cut young fella like that? That's what you said to yourself, huh? Oh, many times. Look, Sissy, you keep putting out jive like that and you'll be visiting the employment agencies with Will Rogers Jr. I didn't mean it that way. Why, when I was a girl, you've done my idea of a real man. I don't try to make up what they say to you, rest of you. Your coffee's bad, too. Look, I bet you still have plenty of dates on your day off, so don't. Oh, don't be silly, Mr. Harris. After a girl gets past 40, she transfers her affection from man to Sloan's lineman. How about another cup of coffee, Mrs. Harris? Now, Sissy, I don't have the time. I gotta get down to rehearsal. Bye now. Bye. Bye. Now, you're getting it. That was all right. You know some of your playing much better since you started smoking your reeds in Dad's old-fashioned root beer. You're doing all right. Now, keep it up. Now, let's grab this next one here and really put it over. Wait a minute. What's the matter with you, Artie? What do you mean, Mel? Well, you ain't said nothing. Don't you have to drive your mother and lock some place? I told her to say I'm... Well, what are you doing this week? Waiting for the tide to come in. Yeah, if he don't come in with it, I'm sitting pretty. Oh, what? I'll sit back there, Artie, and let's take this number. You ready, fellas? Take it from me. One, two. Way down among Brazilian coffee beans, drove by the billion, so they've got to find those extra cups of bill. They've got an awful lot of coffee in Brazil. You can't get cherry soda, cause they've got the spell. They've got the spell, let's hold it, and the way things look. I guess they never will. They've got a billion cups of coffee in Brazil. No tea, or tomato juice. You'll see. No potato juice, cause the planters down in Santo Sao saying, no, no, no. A politician's daughter was accused of drinking water and was fined a great $650 bill. They've got an awful lot of coffee in Brazil. You get a date, and when you get her, she smells like a percolator. Her perfume was made right on the grill. Why they could percolate an ocean in Brazil. When their ham and eggs need savor, coffee ketchup is their flavor. Coffee pickles way out sell the bill. Oh, they put coffee in their coffee in Brazil. No tea, or tomato juice. You'll see. No golden van of juice. Cause the planters down in Santo Sao saying, no, no, no. So you'll add to the local color, serving coffee with a crawler, dunking doesn't take a lot of skill. They've got an awful lot of coffee in Brazil. 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Buy a big economical bottle of fit, standard for mover shampoo at your drug or toilet goods counter or have professional applications at your beauty or barber shop. Great to feel, Harry. You lucky girl, you. Hey, how'd you make out the studio? Well, honey, they have a wonderful story they'd like me to do. Yeah? What part does Don Amici play? Well, no, Don isn't with them anymore. No? That's gratitude for you. He invents the telephone for them, and then when things get tough, they throw them out. Bill, you know that's not true. All right, so it's not true. Well, are you going to make the picture, or aren't you? Oh, I don't know, Bill. They're sending George Markham, the producer, out to the house this afternoon to talk it over. I guess the outfit, what I want to know is, why are they after you? Well, they must think I'm still good box office. Yeah, I thought they replaced you with Thunderhead's son of Flicka. I wonder why she hung up? Certainly you're late, and rehearsal's over. Where you been anyway? Well, I had to get down at court this morning. I got a ticket last night for parking at the curb. What do you mean? You ain't got no car? I know, I was just laying there. Lay off an entire joke this morning. Okay, Charlie. What's the matter? You look worried. I got a right to be worried. Alice is talking about making another picture. No kidding? Yeah, and she's got one of them producer guys from 20th century coming over to the house this afternoon. You know, Charlie, since you've been married to Alice, I've seen her in a lot of pictures and some have been bothering me. Yeah? What is it? How do you feel about her kissing them with a crumb? How do I feel about it? Look, kid, how would you feel if someone came home one night and you found them watering your bourbon? A horrible reading, too. If he's making another picture, how come you ain't in it? Oh, me? Yeah. Now it's the time, kid. You're right. Besides, all the married people act together. Look at Lawrence Delivier and Vivian Lee and that other couple, Laman Abner. They're not married. Yeah, yeah, I forgot. They're sisters. But you get the idea. Yes, my kid, get Alice to work you in there. But I don't know nothing about that accent, racket. Break it. You didn't know nothing about music, and that never held you back. Yeah, yeah, I guess you're right. Look, Curly, you're getting one picture that'll make you play. I can see it now. Alice spotted by Bill Harris. It's no use, Frankie. Her old lady's had that same dream for years. Look, Bill, there's nothing to it. Just do like all them foreign actors who come over here. Stop throwing a little Shakespeare around and you're in. Huh? Yeah. These Hollywood producers always go for that monkey from the legitimate theater. Yeah, but wait a minute. Who Shakespeare? You know, the famous beard of Avon. Oh, yeah, Marty Woolley. Shakespeare was a writer. You know, the stuff like, I know him well. Who's the guy you're in? Well, he wasn't exactly a guy. He was a scull. The plot was played on the stage by John Carrington. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but are you sure that they go for them Shakespearean actors? Oh, what do you mean that they go for Shakespeare? Look at last weekend. Oh, yeah, I love that one. This is going to make another picture. Well, Phyllis, I'm Mike. What part is Mr. Amici going to play? Oh, oh, he won't be in it, honey. Oh, I guess he doesn't need the money anyway. What makes you say that? Well, his little boy is going to have lots of money. He said he's going to buy his mommy a park home. But honey, he's only six years old. Where would he get all that money? He told me he was going to sell his city car to Madness. He was just fooling you. That's the song I did on the picture one. Is it a pretty song? Well, it's the favorite of mine. See if you like it. Oh, no, my, all day long I've been working on the pear tree. Pear tree? Yeah, you know what that is, the pear. A pear is a banana with its girdle out. Oh, the banana with its girdle. Oh, I got to use it sometimes. Say, listen, you've got a lot of books up in your room, haven't you, Luigi? Oh, yes, Mike. So Luigi lived in a world of books. You know, when he wants to enjoy beautiful thoughts, he'll have a little poetry book for that. And when he wants to visit the far places of the earth, he'll have a little travel book for that. Yeah. Hey, Luigi. Luigi, he want to have a little date sometimes. Luigi, have a little black book for that. Yes, sir, I know what you mean. Mine went up in flames five years ago. Oh, I think Mrs. Harness made you burn it, eh? Heck no, the case is spontaneous combustion. It was loaded, Luigi. Hey, listen, in those books of yours, you haven't have any up there by a guy named Shakespeare? Oh, yes, Mike, I've all these books. What beautiful books. They are all for rock-o-balls. I don't care where they're going. Can I borrow a couple of them? Sure, Mrs. Harness. If you come up to my room, you can be gone. Well, I will come. There's a Mr. Mark. I'm from the studio here to see you. Oh, yes. Come on in, George. I'm in here. Oh, hello, Alice. Gosh, it's good to see you again. You're looking great. Thanks, George. Sorry, I missed you over at the studio this morning. Well, we often talk about you over there, Alice. Why, they've almost forgiven you for marrying Phil Harris. I knew they would someday. Well, we don't want to rush you, Alice, but I thought a copy of the story was long. Well, George, I haven't exactly made up my mind yet about making another cookie. You know, my family keeps me pretty busy. She is, yes. Oh, by the way, Alice, we've been friends a long time. I wonder if you've mind a personal question. Oh, no, George. What is it? Well, is it really true that he makes you curly hair? Oh, George, I don't know where people get this wild idea about Phil. Well, after all, he is quite a character on the Jack Benny program. Yes, but really, George, he's not that way at all when you get to know him. Uh, yeah. Well, Alice, I think this story fits you like a glove. Alice, we can get Thai power to play the lead and do a rewrite on the... Hey, Alice. Alice. I'm home. Oh, Phil, come on in here. I want you to meet somebody. Phil, you know George Markham from the 20th century. Glad to see you, Phil. A lot. Four-yarded. I know him. Well, no music stop him. The Golden Loot has heard no moa. Can this be faked? No. It is put shrillum. And home is going to square it with the Union. Phil, I'm afraid I don't quite understand you. Well, don't let it throw you a docket. It's a little jive I picked up in the illegitimate theater. What is this nonsense? Now, let me do the talking, kid. Now, look here, doc. Here's the way I got it figured out. You team up me and Alice and this turkey, and before you know it, you'll have a combination bigger than Lawrence Liver and Vivian Lehigh. Do I understand that you want to be in this picture? Well, why not? Harris is right. That's becoming increasingly apparent. Maybe we better talk this over some other time. Yes, yes, Alice. You look over the story and I'll call you later in the week. Goodbye. All right. We'll tell Begon. It is not yet near day. It was the nightingale and not the large the stairs. The stairs will follow a guy near. Oh, what's so funny? What's so funny? It was the nightingale and not the dog. Oh, what a performance. Yeah, well, when you started out, you were no Sarah Bernhardt, you know. Well, maybe not, but the first part I ever had on the stage I read lines better than that. Some lines you had. Before you went on, you stated the manager, there was another patch on my bubble, Herman. We've got a wild house tonight. Never a bubble, Dan. All right. I don't know. Never mind that nonsense. I did pretty well in pictures. How could you miss all you ever did was to come out and twirl petticoats, kick your leg a couple of times an hour. Hello, Frisco. Hello. I couldn't be older than you here, Al. And don't say Frisco. It's Hello, Saffron, Frisco. I love them up there and they love me up there. Hello, Saffron. Anyway, before we were married, you used to see all my pictures five or six times. Well, certainly I did. I didn't want you to see them all by yourself. Oh, yes, so. You made me go along to read you the titles. Well, I got a right to know what's going on. Well, anyway, I wish I had tried to be smart in front of George Markham. George Markham, George Markham. Is he a genius or something? Well, he's held an important job over there for a good many years and he'll be there for a good many more. Yeah, well, don't count on it, sister. A lot of other guys thought the same thing until last Tuesday. Another cup of coffee, Mr. Badditor. What is this, Gregory Pocke? I don't know. It all depends on what you put in the coffee. Listen. All right, so you're ripping me. Look, you can't blame a guy for trying. I'm sure you've done it, so it still ain't doing sex there. The way you came in and started... Hello? He's not here. Just a minute. Tell us, for you. It's George Markham. For me? Yes, and he says it's important. You know, I look kind of silly doing sex there, didn't I? Ha, ha, ha. Oh, look, honey, Harris is in. You can't hide, college sister. You can't hide. I'll be known as pretty boy here. Give him a block. Look, watch me handle this guy. Hello, GM. Phil's speaking. Hello, Phil. When I was out at your house this afternoon, I'm afraid I overlooked something. Yes, yes. I sort of figured the same thing. I have a little job for you, Phil. Oh, oh, you do, huh? So soon? Yes, yes. When I was over there this afternoon, I left my gold cigarette lighter. Would you mind dropping it at my office in the morning? Awesome, Phil. We'll be back in just a moment. 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Rich is Bells, F-I-C-C-H. What is it, baby Alice? I'm 50. Oh, you can have a picture book fast. Can't you see the daddy's still using them? Oh, fair. Give the book back to Luigi. You can color pictures in something, L. This week, when the FW Fitch Company again brings you the Fitch Bandwagon with Alice Faye and Phil Harris. This program is written by Joe Connolly and Bob Mosier, directed by Paul Phillips, with original music composed and conducted by Walter Shaw. Included in the cast were Janine Roode and Anne Whitfield. Alice Faye appears for the courtesy of 20th Century Fox. After and between Fitch Shampoo, after and between Fitch Shampoo, after and between Fitch Shampoo, after and between Fitch Shampoo, after and between Fitch Shampoo, you can keep your hair shining and manageable by using a few drops to Fitch's ideal hair tonic every day. Fitch's ideal hair tonic is not sticky or greasy, yet it gives your hair that well-groomed look. Phil Foreman speaking. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.