 Sixty-Five of the Jack Benny program presented by Lucky Strike. Be happy, go lucky, be happy, go lucky, strike, be happy, go lucky, go lucky, strike, today. On decoration day we'll go and picnic by the sea and take along some Lucky Strikes cause LSMFT. Take it from me, Lucky's taste better than any other cigarette. If you want a cigarette that gives you deep down pleasure, try Lucky Strike for better taste plus smoothness for good measure. Yes, sirree, Lucky's taste better than any other cigarette. Be happy, go lucky, be happy, go lucky, strike, be happy, go lucky, go lucky, strike, today. Friends, there's more smoking enjoyment in Lucky Strike because Lucky's taste better than any other cigarette. Yes, better, and here's why. Fine tobacco and only fine tobacco always gives you a better tasting cigarette. And LSMFT, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, fine light, ripe tobacco that always gives you complete smoking enjoyment. So to get everything you want in a cigarette, smoothness, mildness, and far better taste, switch to Lucky Strike. Try a carton soon. You'll agree, Lucky's taste better than any other cigarette. Be happy, go lucky, go lucky, strike, today. Remember, Lucky's taste better than any other cigarette. Strike program, starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Dennis Day, and yours truly Bob Stevenson, pinch hitting this week for Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, last week Jack did his fourth television show in New York and is now back in Hollywood for his radio series. Many of you probably wonder how he keeps fit with such a strenuous schedule. So let's go out to Beverly Hills and see how our little star keeps in shape. Right now he is standing in front of the radio doing his exercises. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four, relax. That was a tough one. And now, ladies and gentlemen, before continuing, if you find that these exercises are bringing you good health and give you that great-to-be-alive feeling, show your appreciation by patronizing my sponsor, the Continental Steam Shovel Company. Steam Shovel? You haven't lived until you've built your own freeway. Gee, that must be fun. And now for our next exercise, which I will read to you from my book of health. First, fold your arms. Now bring your left wrist past your right elbow so that your right shoulder is in line with your left hip. Now pull through with a twisting motion and loop around the lower end, thus leaving the right side free. Now grab the free side, bring down under, pull back, raise to the center, and follow through, passing the left shoulder with the right arm. Well, I made it. Oh, Heavens to Betsy, I picked up the wrong book. I just gave you directions for making a pretzel. For Heaven's sakes, how am I going to get out of this? Rochester, Rochester. Here I am, boss, did you? Never mind what happened, untangle me. Where do I start? Well, first straighten up my head. Where is it? I'm standing on it. Oh, yes. Boss, you're really twisted up. How did it happen? I'll tell you later. Now just straighten me up and for Heaven's sakes, hurry. Don't get excited, boss. If I can get your head free, the rest of your body will snap back into place. Now let me get a good grip on your head. All straightened up. Thanks. I certainly feel it. What was that? Your nose. It was caught in your key chain. Now for the next exercise. Oh, no, you're not going to get me again. Boss, maybe this exercise will do you some good. Why don't you try it? I'm not taking any chances. I'll listen to it first. To begin this exercise, stand erect and follow me. Put your arms down at your sides. Now raise your arms out from the sides until they're level with your shoulders. Now let them down. Now raise them up, down, up, down, up, down, faster, faster, faster, up, down, faster, faster, faster, faster, faster, faster. We will now conclude this lesson as your instructor just flew out the window. Tomorrow's program will come to you from Capistrana. Rochester, turn that off. Yes, sir. It's the last time I'll ever listen to that punch. I'll get it. Be happy, go lucky, be happy, go lucky, strike be happy, go lucky. Wow! Hello, Phil. Hello, Jackson. What's the matter, Phil? Don't you feel well? I feel alright, I guess. Well, what's wrong? Nothing. Well, come on inside, Phil. Yeah, okay. Here. Here, sit down. Thanks. Come on, Phil, tell me. What's wrong? Well, I'd rather not talk about it. Phil, don't keep it to yourself. Tell me what's wrong. Remli's quitting the band. Well, don't say that, Jackson. I'm hurt. Hurt to the quick. But, Phil, you see, Remli's been with me for so many years. He's grown gray in my service. Wait a minute. Frankie's hair isn't gray. Not his hairy skin. I noticed the grayness of his skin, but I thought he was just dusty. But, Phil, you had musicians quit you before. Why carry on like this? Well, it wasn't just business between me and Frankie. It was more than that. You know that it was due to Frankie that I first met Alice. It was at a party. Oh, Frankie introduced you to Alice? Not exactly. I saved her from falling when she tripped over him. How romantic. Well, Phil, what's Frankie gonna do? Is he gonna join another band? No, no. He's getting out of the music business completely. He's gonna buy a farm with a hundred cows. Oh, then he'll probably make a living selling milk. Milk? Is that what them cows give? Certainly. Well, let me get that phone. I gotta tell Remli. Phil, let me handle it. Maybe I can get him to come back. Hello, Frankie. Hello, Frankie. This is Jack. Now, Frankie, how about you're changing your mind coming back to Phil's band? Huh? Yeah, it feels terrible about losing you. He's standing right next to me now and he's crying. Oh, yes, he's really crying. Each tear has a little head on it. That's fine. Goodbye. Phil, I've got good news. Frankie is... I can't understand. I only talked to him on the phone. Phil, Frankie says he'll stay with your band. Oh, joyous day. Hey, thanks, Jackson. I never could have believed you could have fixed... Come in. Mary. Hello, Jack. Hey, how you live? Hello, Phil. Who hit you in the face with a glass of beer? He's been crying. Mary, you're a little early. I'm not supposed to be at the doctor's office for an hour yet. Doctor, what's the matter with him, Libby? Well, Jack's going overseas this summer for the USO and he has to get a check-up and some shots. Yeah. Anyway, Jack, I came a little early because I got a letter from mom and I thought you might want to hear it. Well, so long, kids. I'll be running along. Phil, don't you want to hear the letter? I'll hear it tonight on the repeat show. So long. So long. So you got a letter from your mother, eh, Mary? What does the yogi bearer of Plainfield have to say? I'll read it to you. My darling daughter Mary. Oh, hold on a second, Mary. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny. Oh, hello, Dennis. What do you want? Dennis, you called me. Oh, yeah. Say, Mr. Benny, the weather is so nice. How about you going to the beach with me? Well, it's silly to go all the way to the beach, kid. If you want to go swimming, why don't you come over here and use my pool? Oh, I'd rather go to the beach. All the people there are crazy about me. They think I'm a great comedian and I'm very funny. They do? Yeah. I went swimming last week and all the people at the beach stood around watching and laughing at me. Well, maybe it's because you look funny in your bathing suit. Oh, bathing suit. Well, how about going to the beach, Mr. Benny? Mr. Benny. This is Mary. Jack's banging his head against the wall. Oh. And Dennis, I'm sure Jack won't go with you. He doesn't like the beach. Well, if he won't come, I'll just take my dog, Prince. Your dog? Yeah. We have a lot of fun. You know, throwing a stick into the ocean and bringing it back. Well, isn't that dangerous? No. He can't throw it very far. Well, so long. See you soon, Mary. Mary. This is Jack. Mary stuck her head in the bendix. Now, go look at it. If there's nothing else, please hang up. Okay. Goodbye. Goodbye. That kid gets sillier day by day. Oh, he's not so bad. He's naughty. Then why are they getting idiot's delight to be his summer replacement? I don't know. Now, Jack, do you want me to read Mama's letter? Oh, yes. Go ahead. My darling daughter, Mary. Hello? It's me again, Mr. Benny. What do you want now, Dennis? Well, I forgot to tell you. I didn't get my salary check last week. You didn't receive your salary check? No. That's funny. I made it out like the others. Everybody else got theirs in the mail. Well, did you mail mine with all the others? Uh-huh. Did you have my right address? Uh-huh. Did you mark the zone number next to the stamp? Oh, stamp! As long as you're out of the fold, let me hear the song you're going to sing on the program. Okay. I've had so many requests to sing my latest RCA Victor release, Mr. Mississippi. Never mind the plugs on the phone. It's only us and I don't buy. Do you operate a mic? Never mind. Just sing. Thank you. Mr. and Mississippi was all. Mr. and Mississippi made me feel at home. My school. My teacher was a gambler. The slickest one afloat. My teacher was a gambler. The slickest one. He taught me not to gamb. Tiny villain. A house a little until. I counted swell even though it was over the phone. It'll even be better on the program. I can't understand that kid. Every time I try to compliment, he either hangs up or walks out. My darling daughter, Mary. I'm sorry, doll. Go ahead. My darling daughter, Mary. Truth, but I'm dropping into all my friends to tell them the good news. Good news? Next month I am opening up a pet shop. A pet shop? Yes. Say that sounds interesting. What are you going to have in it? All kinds of fishes, angel fishes, guppy fishes, and boys, canary boys, parrots, parakeets, and cats. Well, aren't you afraid that the... Mr. Kitzel, aren't you afraid that the cats will eat the birds? No, no. Some cats, my partner. Mr. Kitzel, I think you'll be happy with a pet shop. It's a fascinating business. I think so. You know, that was always my ambition. Ever since I was a boy, I made money raising rabbits. Oh, you... You know how to raise rabbits? With rabbits? What do you have to know? Oh, I see. You know this may sound hard to believe, but when I was a boy, also for a pet, I had a pig. A pig? Yes. And never did a pig love anybody like that pig loved me. Why? I don't know. Maybe he realized I'd never eat him. Could be. Well, Mr. Benny, if you were ever in my neighborhood, you would pop in and look around. I will. And Mr. Kitzel, lots of luck with your new business. Thank you very much. Goodbye. Goodbye. See, Mary, I hope his pet shop is a success. So do I. Now can I... Oh, yes, yes, your mother's letter. Go ahead, Mary. Boss, look what time it is. You'll be late for the doctor. Say, say you're right, Rochester. Are you ready, Mary? Anytime you are. Well, let's go. And Rochester, you can have the evening off. Thanks, boss. I already called my girl Susie. Oh, you got a date tonight, Rochester? Yeah, we're going to Wrigley Field. Oh, that's nice. You and Susie are going... Wait a minute. Rochester, the Los Angeles baseball team isn't playing there this week. Wrigley Field is dark. Yeah! Oh, I see. Well, come on, Mary. Let's go. Come on, Jack. Dr. Grant's office at the end of the hall. Okay. See, this building is full of doctors. Dr. Iman, eye specialist, Dr. Chester, chest surgery, Dr. Head, brain specialist, Dr. Foot, choropodist, Dr. Schmorgersbord, general practitioner. There it is, Dr. Grant. Let's go in, Mary. Mary, did you make an appointment for me? No, just talk to the nurse. It'll be all right. Just a minute, Mary. You've been to this doctor before. How much does he charge? Well, Jack, he hasn't any set fee. He charges according to the patient's income. What do you mean? Well, if one patient makes more than another, Dr. Grant feels the richer patient should pay more. Now go on, talk to the nurse. Okay. Yes, sir? Oh, I'd like to see Dr. Grant. Oh, you're a new patient. Who recommended you? Recommended me? Miss Mary Livingston. I see. Your name? Jack Benny. Address? 366 North Camden Drive. Occupation? Unemployed. 39. Do you have anyone to recommend that? Never mind. Your weight? 155 pounds. Color of eyes? Eyes. They're blue, aren't they? Blueer than the winner's tongue in a huckleberry pie-eating country. Wait a minute. Aren't you Jack Benny, the comedian for Lucky Strike? I knew my last line would get you. Yes, I am. Why? Well, a friend of yours, Speedy Riggs, is in the other office with the Oculus taking an eye test. Oh, Speedy Riggs. May I go in and say hello to him? Certainly, right through that door. Thank you. Now, read the top line, Mr. Riggs. Yes, Dr. Cook. Oh, hello, Speedy. Oh, hello, Jack. Be with you in a minute. I'm just having my eyes examined. I know. Now, read the top line, Mr. Riggs. L-S-M-F-T. Very good. Now, read the smaller print under it. Lucky Strike means fine to tomorrow. No, no, Mr. Riggs. That line says Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Now, I'll put in a stronger lens. Oh, read the next line. A recent survey of 38 cities shows that millions of people are unhappy with their present blonde. That's brand. You should have known that, Speedy. Now, can you read the very last line, Mr. Riggs? Oh, yes, I know that one. Be happy, go lucky, be happy, go lucky, Strike, be happy, go lucky, go lucky, Strike today. Where does it say poodle-y poodle-y poodle-y poodle-y? Where? Right down there in the bottom, in the very fine print. Oh, that's the name of the company, the Prince of the Chart. J-M, poodle-y poodle-y and son. Now, Mr. Riggs, will you please read that bottom row of numbers as fast as you can? Yes, sir. Eight, five, six, seven, four, six, seven, four, Speedy! Speedy! Speedy! Oh, well. Oh, Mr. Benny. Yes, Nurse? The doctor will be ready for you soon, but I still have a few more questions to ask you. Oh, well go ahead, Nurse. Did you ask me the color of my eyes? I asked you, I asked you. Now tell me, do you belong to any medical plan? What does that mean? Do you belong to any medical plan? Yes, yes, I do. Which one? Well, the Blue Shield, the California Hospitalization Plan, the Exxailers Sick Benefit Group, the Actors Mutual Health Society, the Los Angeles County Prepaid Medical Anesthesia and Ointment Program, the Linwood Poison Ivy Protective Plan, and the Mutual Cooperative Health Association. That's the dollar a day till they carry you away, plan. I guess that's about all. Well, do you certainly belong to a lot of medical groups? I know. Every day that I'm well, it's costing me a fortune. For Christmas, he wanted me to break his leg. There you can stop with that. You may go in to see the doctor now, Mr. Benny. Thank you. Oh, doctor, doctor. Look, doctor, I'm here. Never mind. Just come right in and take your shirt off. Wait a minute. There's something I didn't settle with the nurse. What do you charge for an examination? Nothing. Now take your shirt off. Wait a minute. If you don't charge people, how do you make a living? I keep their shirts. Oh. And now let's get on with the examination. Put this thermometer in your mouth. Yes, sir. Meanwhile, just stand behind this florescope while I look at your chest and stomach. In our whole still, your chest seems to be all right. In our look at your stomach, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orchid, and since then, I'll let me look at that thermometer. Thanks. Oh, silly me. I've got it upside down. It's 99. That's better. I'm surprised it isn't higher. Why? I gave you a hot foot. Now look, doctor, the only reason I came in was to get some shots. I'm going out of the country. Good. Never mind that. Now how about my shot? All right, all right. I'll get the nurse to help me. We'll each give you a shot. That way, we'll finish it faster. Oh, Miss Jones. Yes, doctor? If we're going to give the patient some overseas shots, have you your needle ready? Yes, doctor. Let's start. Now, whole still. Wait a minute. What are you drawing those lines on my arm for? We love to play tic-tac-toe. What? I go here. Ouch. I go there. Oh, I go here. Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to read you an important announcement. The army is expanding. This means that there are many fine careers opening in the Women's Army Corps. If you are between 18 and 34, a high school graduate, single, and otherwise qualified, the Women's Army Corps offers you an important, interesting future while serving your country. 30,000 volunteers are needed. Visit your local US Army recruiting station now for details. You'll be glad you did. Thank you. Jack will be back in just a moment, but first. The buds are out, the grass is green, the parks are sight to see, and lucky smokers smile at you cause LSMST. And that's why luckies taste better than any other cigarette. Gets your roasted peanuts here and popcorn cracker jacks, and for a better tasting smoke, it's several lucky packs. Hurry, hurry, cause luckies taste better than any other cigarette. Be happy, go lucky, be happy, go lucky, strike, be happy, strike today. Friends, here's exactly why luckies taste better than any other cigarette. Fine tobacco, and only fine tobacco always gives you a better tasting cigarette. And LSMFT, Lucky Strike, means fine tobacco. Light, ripe tobacco that gives you a smooth mellow smoke. Truly better taste in every puff. So friends, if you're looking for a cigarette that gives you complete enjoyment, pack after pack, switch to Lucky Strike, you will agree. Luckies taste better than any other cigarette. Make your next carton, Lucky Strike. Be happy, go lucky, go lucky, strike today. Remember, luckies taste better than any other cigarette. Ladies and gentlemen, at 7.30, my television show will be seen in the Los Angeles area on Channel 2. This is the program in which Mary makes her television debut. Besides Rochester, my guest stars are Bob Crosby and the world's greatest golfer, Ben Hogan. Jack. What is it, Mary? Well, I'm a little worried. You know, I haven't seen the television show I was on, and how do I look? Mary, you look like a doll. You are beautiful. Oh, well, was my performance all right? It couldn't have been more perfect. You remembered every line. You did great. Oh, then why did you say I was lousy when I asked you for my salary? Because business is business. Sure to see Jack Benny on television tonight at 7.30 in the Los Angeles area. Be sure to hear Dennis Day in the day in the life of Dennis Day. Stay tuned for the innocent and the show which follows immediately. The Jack Benny program is heard by our armed forces overseas through the facilities of the Armed Forces Radio Service. Come on, be a broadcasting system.