 SCP-261 Object Class Safe Special Containment Procedures Any access to SCP-261 will be approved by staff with level 2 security clearance or higher. Any and all items dispensed by SCP-261 must be recorded, along with the amount of money entered and the amount of time that lasts between uses. Currently, SCP-261 may only be used 10 times in a 24-hour period, with no transaction exceeding the equivalent of 500 Japanese yen. Everything approved by Site Command is not under these restrictions. Items dispensed by SCP-261 should be reviewed by Site Health and Safety Officials before consumption. Failure to do so will lose to the foundation of any obligation regarding negative effects. Items deemed dangerous or useful to research will be confiscated by Site Security, with financial compensation provided in proportion to money spent. Description SCP-261 appears to be a large black vending machine with no front glass panel and a small keypad on the right side. SCP-261 recovered in Yokohama, Japan. SCP-261 was brought to the Foundation's attention after investigation of urban legend about a magic vending machine that was circulating on the Internet. SCP-261 was found in a back alley behind a large shopping center with a handwritten sign that said an out-of-order and Japanese tape to it. SCP-261 had no marks or identification of any kind, and no locals remember when or how it came to be in its current location. Internally, SCP-261 appears to be a basic vending machine equipped to bend food and beverage items. After a key was made and a front door opened, no abnormal material was found, and it was determined that SCP-261 had never actually contained any food or beverage items. The keypad, while connected and operating correctly, does not activate any of the dispensing mechanisms. When money is placed on the SCP-261 and a three-digit number is entered on the keypad, SCP-261 will bend a random item. SCP-261 has not accepted any currency other than yen, with rejected currency being deposited in the coin return slot. It is unknown how these items appear, however, SCP-261 will not operate when the door is open or when recording devices are placed inside. The number entered on the keypad has no effect on the item vended, nor has any pattern been detected. Items are always some sort of snack food and typically have bright attention-grabbing packaging. SCP-261 is capable of operating with no external power supply, but operation in the state will cause unstable vending to occur much more quickly than normal. If SCP-261 is used several times in a short period of time, and or large amounts of money are entered before an item is vended, SCP-261 will start to dispense bizarre items. While still food, quote-unquote, their suitability for human consumption adopted non-existent. Log of items vended during Test and Phase 8. A hundred yen entered for each item. Items being dispensed every two minutes. SCP-261 is attached to power. Coke Zero. A canadaic Coke packaging in English. Cheetos. A small bag of Cheetos snack food packaging in English. Black Black. A single pack of caffeinated chewing gum packaging in Japanese. Yan Yan. A single Yan Yan cone with peach-dipping frosting packaging in Japanese. The Meiji Saka Company does not produce this flavor. Pepsi Dragon Twist. A can of Pepsi Cola with a trace of fruit flavor. Packaging in English. Flavor identified as dragon fruit. Pepsi Coke does not produce this product. Dark Side Cola. A can, quote-unquote, with clear plastic sides, packaging in Japanese. Liquid inside is clear. When opened, liquid appears to react to the air and changes to a dark black over a period of several seconds. The black coloration looks like billowing smoke and cannot be reversed. Taste described as cola with something spicy in it. The Little Bakery Seven Grain. A small tube the size of a candy bar with a green button, made of aluminum packaging in English. When the top is twisted off, a massive dough is extruded. Dough contains several enzymes and bacteria that have not been identified. On contact with air, this causes the dough to rise and bake, killing the microbes in the process. Produces a small round loaf of bread weighing 250 grams. Taste described as good but chewy. Thick plastic baggie with a plastic tube on the side containing water and 12 clams, packaging in Dutch. Following on-package instructions, the plastic tube was cracked like a glow stick. Liquid in the bag flashed to steam, venting from a hole that popped open in the top of the bag, slightly burning one researcher. Steaming finished at 38 seconds after which clams were found to be fully cooked and infused with a mild lemon flavor. On investigation, clams matched no recorded species. Unknown. A small mesh bag filled with small multi-colored pyramids, packaging in an unknown language. Pyramids found to be very hard and unpleasant tasting, compared to chalk and tasting consistency. When placed in hot water, pyramids open and produce strings that quickly dissolve, coloring the water the same shade as the pyramid. Water had no additional taste, but tested and revealed a sharp increase in mineral, carbohydrate and protein content, with several minerals unidentified at the present time. This content was found to be consistent with the recommended daily intake of nutrients for adult humans. Researcher ingested in the water reported stomach cramps two hours later, but no other effects. Unknown. Aluminum box with a small glass window on the side, a large round button on the top, packaging in an unknown language. Boxes seamless and appears to be filled with small round animals covered in fur, each with three small paws and a single large eye. Pressing the button inside causes the inside of the box to rapidly become super heated, cooking the small animals alive. Muffled noises and scratching were heard for several seconds during the cooking process. After one minute and thirty seconds, the front panel opens and gives access to the now cooked animals. Professor Kane volunteered to eat the animals, but no other researcher is willing to do so. Taste described as crunchy and very spicy with a small hint of beef. Unknown. Tall, thin aluminum can, packaging in an unknown language. Opening the can caused a chemical reaction with the liquid inside the can. It was apparently non-intended for an oxygenated atmosphere and detonated violently, causing several injuries and killing two researchers. Testing discontinued and area cleared. Testing area observed to smell like citrus for several days. Note, subsequent testing recorded an experiment log 261-ADD. Item record for SCP-261. Please record any and all anomalous items received from SCP-261, along with the amount of money entered in item description used in the format below. Mundane items will be made available for personal consumption after scanning and clearance by site security. Money entered, SCP-261 powered or unpowered and in item description. Money entered, 500 yen. Powered. Item description. Oreos. A package of six standard Oreos in bright blue wrapping. Labeled in Spanish, no unusual taste. Money entered, 500 yen. SCP-261 powered. Item description. Bag of Jolly Ranchers. Contained both standard flavors of green apple and watermelon with additional flavors pomegranate, loquat, and blackberry. Current Jolly Ranchers are not known to contain these flavors. Edible. 500 yen, powered. Item description. Spice bomb. Small gumball red and orange banded in color with packaging in Japanese. Tasted like jalapeno flavored gum. Extremely spicy. Testing with halted temporary in order to allow doctor ██████ to vomit and consume antacids. 500 yen. Powered. Mountain Dew, hot pink, clear plastic bottle labeled in English, carbonated liquid with a brilliant pink color, and proved to be edible, tasting very sweet and tart, mild sugar high in soot. Flavor identified to be a mix of pomegranate and sour apple. 500 yen. Powered. Item description. Unknown. Plastic box containing apparatus similar to heroin kit with a small vial of clear liquid labeled in unknown language. Found alternative researcher to use it. After injection, subject reported a strong taste of mint, and they smelled constantly of peppermint for the next several hours. Apparently coming from sweat and body oils, subject reported nausea to the first hour or so of this due to the constant smell and taste. 500 yen. Powered. Unknown. A USB-capable device similar to a flash drive, packaging marked only with a barcode. When plugged into a computer, the computer ran at twice normal speed and refused to react to mouse or keyboard movement, and appeared to be running several instances of the program Minesweeper at once. Object kept for potential testing with mechanical SCPs. 500 yen. Powered. Unknown. Milk chocolate replica of human male sexual organ approximately six and a half inches from base to head, and foil wrapping from unknown language resembling Korean on label. Hollow filled with liquid, white chocolate, edible. Testing concluded. 167 yen. Powered. Doritos. A bag of Doritos chips, natto cheese flavor. 200 yen. Powered. Hershey's with nuts. A regular sized bar of Hershey's chocolate with nuts, however the nuts match with no known species. 500 yen. Powered. Green apple frosting. A container of green frosting with a green apple flavor, currently not produced by any company. 500 yen. Powered. Lay's bloomin' onion, all dressed in an onion of average size and color. Cutting into shows it's made of many layers, each a different color and tasting of a different flavor of chips, including some flavors never made by Lay's. 500 yen. Unpowered. Unknown. A clear plastic package filled with water, with tiny manta ray-like creatures swimming in it. Attached to it with a blue tablet with a plastic wrapper. When the top was open and the tablet was added, the water instantly froze with a loud pop. After the ice block was pulled out of the package, the ice turned to vapor and left behind the creatures frozen solid. Each was described as having a slightly different flavor. 700 yen. Powered. Naked fruit drink, berry flavor, no unusual properties detected, packaging in English. 700 yen. Powered. Edible chest set, small edible chest set made from hard candy. Very similar in taste and texture to Pez, packaging in French. 700 yen. Powered. Item description, human breast milk, chocolate flavored, very sweet, Dr. ██████████. Reported a sensation of nostalgia, nothing unusual about the quality of milk beyond its packaging. Small label in Japanese. I think the boob shape contained it with a nice touch, Dr. ████████. 1000 yen. Powered. Build your own candy-bots. A small bag containing various mixed parts that could be assembled in different ways to create tiny candy robots. Once completed, candy robots begin to move on their own for approximately two minutes, walking about aimlessly and bumping into things. Very sweet. Packaging in unknown language. 500 yen. Powered. SCP-417 fruit. Room was evacuated briefly before the item and airtight packaging was sent to be incinerated. Packaging in unknown language. 100 yen. Powered. Suppository. Item was not used. Test run later revealed mint flavoring and a high nutritional value. Packaging in unknown language resembling Greek. Complete with diagram of how to use. 700 yen. Powered. Bacon shirt. A simple t-shirt dark red in color and plastic packaging. Unknown language. A test revealed the shirt to be edible, wearable and with a taste similar to bacon. No side effects from wearing a shirt beyond a vague smell of bacon. 1000 yen. Powered. Advertising bottle. A small bottle of an unknown alloy with a twist off top and filled with a liquid resembling Pepsi blue. The sides of the bottle lit up and revealed animated advertisement featuring an attractive woman while being drank. Object powered down once liquid was fully drained. Advertisements and packaging in unknown language resembling archaic Japanese. 500 yen. Powered. Reverse temperature cream puff. A packaged cream puff that grew warmer when exposed to cold and cooler when exposed to heat. Placing it in the microwave caused frost to form and putting it in the freezer resulted in it being burning hot. Tasted decent if a touch stale. 1000 yen. Powered. Hyperchicks. A small container with a dozen marble sized white eggs. Packaging with instructions in a variant of Spanish and translated to microwaving instructions. After 30 seconds on high the eggs hatched and small chick-like creatures emerged. These creatures were apparently intended to be eaten alive. The research subject refused prompting Dr. ██████ to consume three at once. Chewy and vaguely teriyaki flavored the remaining nine are currently being held for testing. 5000 yen. Unpowered. Antimatter can. Small can of unknown material produced no label beyond a single symbol. Not willing to risk it object was tested and revealed to contain through unknown means a massive antimatter. Testing ended. 500 yen. Powered. Theotymoline cookies. Three chocolate chip cookies and plastic wrapping. These sensations were felt at least three seconds before the cookies made any contact with the mouth. Packaging in what appears to be an unrecorded dialect of Bambara. 500 yen. Powered. Hard tack. A piece of hard tack. Packaging was later determined to be heavily Hellenized French written in Greek characters. Item was difficult to consume and tasted meaty. Translation revealed a flavor to be turtle soup. 500 yen. Unpowered. Energy gas. A soap bubble stabilized inside a transparent plastic can. In English, instructions are to pierce a hole and inhale to contain gas. Applying a finger to the bubble will indeed pierce a hole. Inhale indeed labrador-scented gas caused the bubble to shrink until it vanished completely and gave an energized and empowered feeling to the subject. Subject complained for several hours of an irritated and itchy nasal cavity. 500 yen. Powered. Hazelnut Glazette. A package of approximately 12 small hazelnuts covered in chocolate. DNA matched out of Iranian Coralus Avalanus strains. The Hershey Company does not manufacture this product. 500 yen. Unpowered. Caramelized spider. A hairy spider 13 inches of leg span covered in hard caramel. Item was not consumed, identified as an unrecorded phonutrious member. Test showed highly toxic venom was still present in the glands, packaging in an unknown language. 500 yen. Powered. Sculptural candy. A tube containing a bright orange play-doh-like paste, smelling strongly of citrus, was malleable and gradually hardened into an exceedingly tough material. Hardening caused subjects' fingers to become trapped, packaging an unrecorded language written in Cyrillic. 500 yen. Powered. Candy Conocopia. A small goat horn-shaped container filled with pralines and nougat. Packaging in French. 500 yen. Powered. Candy host. What appeared to be at first a package of six large sacred hosts turned out to be flavored and composed almost entirely of crystalline sugar. Packaging in Polish. 500 yen. Unpowered. Dr. Pepper's amusing straw. A straw which, when looked from on end, contained what appears to be sugar-sweetened Dr. Pepper. Straw contained much more liquid and physically possible, approximately the volume of a normal Dr. Pepper bottle. Packaging in Japanese. 500 yen. Powered. Geology Arrow. An arrow bar twice as thick as the regular, formed with four layers and four different flavors in colors and chocolate. Dark, orange, mint, and white. The Nestle Company does not manufacture this product. Packaging in German. 500 yen. Unpowered. Birdie bots amusing every color beans. A package of 24 jelly beans of a variety of bright colors, including mixed and some that are not known to occur on earth. When eaten, caused the color of all body hair to permanently change to that of the bean. As a result, subjects hair is now a flat shade of banana yellow and of a sky blue. Packaging in English. 500 yen. Powered. Terry's Chocolate Pumpkin. A pumpkin-shaped piece of chocolate easily broken into 11 quarter-shaped pieces. Tasted vaguely of pumpkin and cough syrup. The craft food company did not make this product. Packaging in American English. 300 yen. Powered. Fruits of the loom. A packaging of three different pieces of edible underwear in bright colors. Items confiscated. Current whereabouts unknown. 500 yen. Powered. Sound bites. Small cookie shaped like onomatopoeia words. When broken or chewed, the items produced a sound corresponding to their text. 10,000 yen. Unpowered. Item of the small loaf of round bread in the shape of a pinwheel with six points. Colorful wrapper bears logo for Heaven's Shining Aspicious Bakery, with the tagline �Made by Angels for Angels� Upon consuming the item, subjects immediately fell into a comatose state, during which he appeared to be in a constant aesthetic state similar to an orgasm. Subject recovered to 50 minutes, although he remained delirious for over two more hours babbling about the gates of pure palladium, polished by the multitudinous host of the Shattered Princess. 1,000 yen. Powered. A single kernel of popped kettle corn. 10,000 yen. Powered. Five pieces of a traditional Indonesian snack known as Klippin. Item was placed on top of a banana leaf holder and wrapped in plastic with no labels or expiration dates. 100,000 yen. Powered. A can labeled, penary sweat, and blue and white. Some texts in Indonesian on the side claiming that this beverage could cure any kind of disease, made in Jambang, straight from penary's magic stone and other gimmicky-sounding adverts. Can given to a D-class with prostate cancer for testing. After emptying in the can, the D-class was thoroughly examined and results showed the prostate cancer had disappeared. 1000 yen. Powered. A small orange box with a radioactive sign on the side, and a small red button on top. Item moved to a heavy-duty blast chamber and tested extensively. Although thorough and examination was found to be a harmless and did not exhibit any radiation signs at all, the decision was made to test the object, with all observers uttered in the subject observing via closed-circuit camera. When subject pressed the button, a bright flash was recorded in a small orange mushroom cloud. Subject was unharmed and after the experiment, anyone entering the blast chamber immediately sensed a tangy, heavily orange flavor. Subject had to wash continuously for five hours to rid his body of the scent. 300 yen. Powered. A styrofoam bowl with a paper lid labeled Instant Marioka-style Ramen. Just add hot water. Instructions, written in Japanese, indicate to add hot water and let stand for three minutes and stir well. Contents of bowl appeared to be instant noodles as well as several small capsules of unknown make and a dusting of white sugar-like crystals. Upon adding hot water, item grew warm for approximately three minutes and immediately chilled to approximately five degrees Celsius. Upon peeling back to cover, noodles were found to be cooked and floating in a cold beef broth. Capsules were missing and replaced with a slice of fresh watermelon, six slices thinly sliced roast beef, six pieces of kadugi, ponytailed radish, kimchi, and half a hard-boiled egg. Contents were edible. Advertisements on packaging encouraged users to try our other flavors including traditional Korean and kimchi mix. 1500 yen. Powered. Unknown. A sealed paper sleeve of undetermined chemical make-up and unknown language. First image of what appears to be a six-legged blue tortoise. Packaging and open to reveal a single large piece of dark-dried meat. Taste noted as sweet and spicy with an unusual texture. Approximately six hours after consumption, subject reported itching in internal organs and heavy flatuents. Isolated to quarantine were what appeared to be a violent allergic reaction caused by the prolapse of two-thirds of its digestive tract from either end of the body. Subject died after five hours. 750 yen. Powered. Aluminum bottle was screw-top. Colorful graphic on the side indicating flying insects contained within. Testing moved to isolation chamber. Subject open bottle was swarmed by highly aggressive insects colored in red, blue, green, and purple. Subject consumed the number of insects attempting to sting him on his arms and torso. Flavors primarily sour and bitter fruits of uncertain identity. Described as similar to peas but not as sweet. Insects died approximately nine minutes later and were collected. Aluminum flavor noted throughout all test participants willing to consume insects. Initial subject indicates lesions covering exposed skin oozing brightly colored fluid with similar flavor. No further side effects noted. Lesions appeared to heal normally. 1500 yen. Powered. Steel canister with pressure gauge on top. Release valve. Label shows brightly colored trisemitical life forms inhaling psychedelic fumes. Subject unscrews release valve noting strong smell of bitter almond before asphyxiating. Contents revealed to be pressured by hydrogen cyanide gas. Testing halted. 1000 yen. Powered. Rad on a stick. A fried rice cured on a thin wooden spike. Southern fried. 250 yen. Powered. Apple explosion. Object originally appeared to be a normal bag of apples, though in various colors not found in nature such as purple, orange, and white. However, any physical trauma towards an apple resulted in it violently exploding and completely saturated in surrounding area on a thick edible paste. Paste differed in taste depending on the color of the apple, though all were strictly fruit flavors. 500 yen. Powered. Candy bullets. A CZ-75B 9mm pistol in a partially transparent package. Package was stylized with several graphics depicting smiling persons being shot, labeled in English, and stereotypical New Yorker slang. The rounds in the magazine were found to be made of a substance similar to rock candy, though completely functional to normal ammunition. Item was fired at the research subject's foot. Besides the pain and trauma normally included in bullet wounds, the subject also noted a heavy taste and scent of peppermint, which persisted for several hours. The ammunition dissolved in the subject's bloodstream, negating the need to remove it surgically. The pistol itself was found to be also completely edible, though much too difficult to chew, tasted a 2D fruity. 400 yen. Powered. Dimensional donuts. A brightly colored box of donuts labeled in Spanish. Donuts possess a small, interdimensional anomaly located in the hole of the donut which is destroyed once the ring of the donut is broken. When held sideways, small objects follow the hole. The object varying depending on person, donut, and time of day. Items noted including small candies, slices of fruit, jigsaw pieces, various forms of ammunition, blood, gasoline, various insects, unknown species, and human fingers. The following test logs from March 9, 2009 were impromptu testing of an unpowered SCP-261 prompted by power loss in the wing if the SCP-261 is kept during lunchtime. Results are listed as usual. Money entered 500 yen. Unpowered. Blastola Cola. Blue and orange can with advertising on the can for Captain Comic-12 pre-release giveaway. No such game exists. Soda tasted of cola sweetened with cane sugar. After drinking, subject was seen to belt a puff of what was described as cold fire. Subject was un-injured. A workplace safety poster that was struck with the cloud was briefly covered with a thin layer of frost. 500 yen. Unpowered. Caramel Ramen. Dual-language packaging. Japanese and Esperanto. Self-heating filament on bottom typical of Japanese vending machine ramen. Built-in spoon. Package contained firm ramen noodles in a thick, sweet caramel sauce. Flavor reported to be excellent. 500 yen. Unpowered. Pile of slugs. A produce box typical of sort used to pack strawberries full of live garden slugs. Label on the lid was handwritten in English while not consumed. Later testing revealed that the slugs contained large amounts of vitamin C, E, and most of the B complex, sans riboflavin, also contained large amounts of arsenic. 500 yen. Unpowered. Unknown name. Aluminum box containing brick of gelatinous green material. When open material began to scream, it was not consumed. When tested later in the material had shriveled into tiny green flakes suspended in water and was capable of emitting a 2 decibel whispering noise. All attempts to identify nature of material failed. Flake reportedly curled in on itself and dissolved shortly after testing began. 400 yen. Powered. Cardboard box containing one small rodent, unconscious but alive, covered in spiced breadcrumbs. Autopsy confirmed membership and family more a day, but no positive identification of species have been made. 200 yen. Powered. Bright yellow, elongated package made of cellophane resembling a banana peel. Language of label was identified as the combination of Welsh and Spanish, and when translated reads as, Banana easier to open, making your banana opening easy. Package contained a bright yellow food item resembling an unpeeled banana except in color. While testing found however amounts of fructose and other processed sweeteners, along with small amounts of ████ upon removal of ████ from the object, a class D personnel sampled the object another day was very sweet. 500 yen. Powered. Fried fish patty with mustard filling similar to a hot pocket in packaging and preparation. Package bore the likeness of Muppet character to Swedish chef, and with the exception of the instructions and nutritional information in English, the remainder of the packaging is an unintelligible faux Swedish with an abundance of omelettes and accent marks, an item with extremely salty. At this point in the experiment, Dr. ████ unplugged SCP-261 and asked for the change to be noted. 500 yen. Unpowered. Pizza on a cup, pepperoni shrimp alfredo flavor with image of Steve Martin from his performance and the jerk on the front. Packaging trained lingual, English Klingon and Pig Latin, taste was somewhat unusual but not unpleasant. Product cooked somewhat unevenly in microwave, bottom of the cup was still cold afterwards. 500 yen. Unpowered. Most horrendously painful hangover ever candy shots. Japanese packaging bearing the logo of the band offspring and tiny super deformed lightnesses of the band, smashing a generic salary man's head in with jackhammers. Candy appeared to be gummy shot glasses full of very solid colored gummy. Tastes varied from candy to candy, but was generally extremely sweet. Candy was examined as shown to have no alcoholic content despite slight favor to insinuate it otherwise. Ingredients listed on the back listed only hatred and vitro in English. No other ingredients listed anywhere on the package in any language, although note on the underside of the package states that the candy may aggravate dairy allergies. 1000 yen. Unpowered. Small cylinder covered in cross-hatching lines of varying configuration appears to be a form of writing. Bright purple and green wrapping bears drawing of a vaguely humanoid yellow figure what appears to be two mouths. Removing capidities of sudden gush of gray violet foam, the subject dropped the tube and ran to the chemical rod stating that it was burning his hands. The subject was found to be acidic and contained significant amounts of capsion. The latter was more responsible for the burning sensation in the former when analyzed the foam was shown to contain massive amounts of riboflavin and B6, but no other B-complex vitamins or other vitamins whatsoever. It did contain trace amounts of arsenic and bethane as well as a few minerals that were currently unknown. Unfortunately, the sample was lost when the foam dissolved into several hours. 500 yen. Powered. A plastic very heavy-duty Ziploc bag decorated with a picture of a zebra in an unknown language. Contents of bag included an unusually tough and sinewy meat jerky. 200 yen. Powered. Small airtight blue plastic bag. Very cold to the touch and labeled in an unknown language. Spheres appeared to be several small shriveled gray spheres half a centimeter in diameter, apparently freeze-dried, when heated in water to expanded to two centimeters in diameter. Spheres appeared to be the eyeballs of an unknown animal, deep blue throughout with hourglass-shaped pupils and thick purple vessels. The outside was slick and tasteless, but when bitten a large amount of thick purple jelly tasted of watered-down grape juice burst out. Minutes later the jelly turned out to cause extremely vivid hallucinations. 50 yen. Powered. A cardboard can of eat-me's with the rest of the packaging labeled in French describing the foodstuff as irresistibly good and undeniably tasty. Can contained five small, three-legged crab-like creatures with tiny claws and large, dewy eyes. When released, they leapt up and down ecstatically, clicking their claws and repeatedly screaming eat-me in shrill, high-pitched voices. When subject to late and then refused to eat them, the eat-me's attempted to force their way into the subject's mouth. When chewed, the creatures made joyous shrieking sounds and made wee sounds when swallowed. 100 yen. Unpowered. Food. Quote-unquote. 18-ounce steel can with a pull tab, labeled all-white with the word food written in large black letters. No other information, nutrition, ingredients, weight, etc. is listed when opened. It can and was found to contain a thick, gray, odorless paste. Subjects describe the taste as devoid of any taste, and left subjects appearing emotionless and slow-witted. Chemical announces the found the taste to be fat and cholesterol-free and contain all necessary vitamins and minerals, but contains several as of yet unidentified chemicals. 100 yen. Unpowered. Drink. 12-ounce aluminum drink can, labeled similar to the food can, all white with nothing but the word drink in black letters. Liquid inside was colorless, odorless, and had the viscosity lowered in water. When ingested, subjects became more open to suggestions, becoming more and more subservient to more of the drink was administered, almost to the point of having no will of their own. Research in the long-term effects of the drink is being investigated. 300 yen. Powered. Beef. Aluminum can, similar to a soup can, and formatting package appeared similar to a normal can, although all information or character were replaced by beef, beef, beef, repeated. Can contained pinkish meat, which were revealed to be uncooked beef, no abnormalities detected. 300 yen. Powered. Unidentified fish, plain-paper envelope, dual-packaging in Russia to Nabahoe. Package contained unidentified light-green powder. When added to cold water, powder immediately formed into the shape of a small goldfish, same color as the powder. This wriggled in the water and proved difficult to catch, similar to a living fish. The creature stopped moving only when removed from the water and slammed against a hard surface several times, ascribed as difficult to chew and ultimately unpleasant. 300 yen. Powered. Taste me. In a plastic box containing a single slice of white cake, no ingredients or information uttered in the title were listed. Item was tasted by a class D personnel whom, after consuming the product, immediately went into convulsions and shortly thereafter collapsed and died. On top she showed the subject had become 7 inches taller and grown in mass by 13.6%, and that death and seizures were due to expansion of the brain. Analysis of the cake showed large amounts of human growth hormone as well as several unidentified chemicals. Dr. King. Money entered 1 yen. Powered. Single seed. Test revealed as apple. 2 yen. Powered. 2 seeds. Also apple. 3 yen. Powered. 3 seeds. Apple again. 1000 yen. Powered. 1000 apple seeds. Similar tests were undertaken for the remainder of the day, resulting in apple seeds each every time. Several complaints were issued against Dr. King, complaining that he had broken his SCP. The machine was left alone for the night and approached again in the morning by another researcher. 300 yen. Powered. Ladypacks. Several small snack cakes wrapped in brown paper, labeled as slightly out-of-date Japanese with an unusual amount of English loan words. Cake was chocolate with somewhat berry-flavored filling. Consumption by female subjects resulted in immediate commencing of that subject's menstruation, despite the fact it would not do for another week. 1000 yen. Powered. Pringles. Item resembles in almost every way a standard tube of Pringles. Sour cream and onion flavor. The only difference in the appearance is that the mascot in the box had red skin and takes on a vaguely demonic look. Item was given to a Class D subject. Once the lid of the Pringles unsealed or popped, the subject was literally unable to prevent it herself from eating the chips continuously. Moreover, the tube appears to be bottomless in nature as the subject had been eating for several days at a time of writing and shows no signs of slowing down. This is the second subject to be tested. The first one continued eating even after termination and the tube had to be forcibly removed from her grasp. Dr. King. 300 yen. Powered. 300 apple seeds. The same product results whenever Dr. King or an individual who has been asked to do the test for Dr. King activates the machine. It is as yet unclear why this might be or whether it may be evidence of sentience in the parts of the machine. 500 yen. Powered. Extreme chips. Yellow bag with no labeling or nutritional facts saved for a gigantic red X on the front. Opened cautiously to find nothing more than standard potato chips. Led chips to D-Class 24045-06, whose voice immediately grew deeper and requested his agent join him in extreme sports activities such as surfboarding, mountain climbing, and bungee jumping. Request was denied. 50 yen. Powered. Maxwell House Artificial Coffee Drink. 355mm navy blue can with the Maxwell House logo primarily displayed on upper half. Lower half shows steaming cup of coffee and coffee beans, and greenies listed as water, artificial flavor, and sucrose, 10 calories. Drinking was bitter and noted to be inferior to instant coffee. Drink is not produced by Maxwell House after product research. 300 yen. Unpowered. Plain cardboard box with rip top opening 5x5x10cm, 2.5kg. No labeling anywhere on packaging, shaking the box indicated it was most likely filled with a granular of materials such as sand or dirt. After relocating the object to the lab, attempted opening my class D personnel. Upon pulling a rip top, the apparent expulsion of sand and unfinished diamonds ensued. Object filled lab to a depth of approximately 0.5 meters until exhausted itself. Apparent volume is 15 meters cubed of material. Shovels, buckets, dump truck, and additional class D personnel requested for immediate transfer to larger lab for analysis. Box seemed normal and dimensioned after cursory inspection. 1500 yen. Powered. Small paper envelope packaged in an unknown language. Objects depict small lapping children firing model rockets through a small ring. The object inside the envelope with a brown ring made of indeterminate material, with a diameter of roughly 15 cm. A small metal block measuring exactly 1 cm cubed was placed on the examination table and the ring was lowered over it. The block promptly disappeared. Upon further examination it was found partially embedded in the room's ceiling. Object appears to accelerate items placed in it. 1500 yen. Powered. The washroom with blue spots resembling no other species of fungus. When fed the D-24046-19, he claimed to be totally tripping balls and then instructed researchers to be quiet. My show is on. For a duration of one hour he was no longer reacted to any kind of sensory input, alternately laughing and crying without correlation to external stimuli. When subject awoke he stated that he did not exactly recall what he had seen but noted that it appeared to be a sitcom. 100,000 yen. Unpowered. Item has been detained as being tested for sentience. Subject detained for seven days for contamination testing. Both tests turn up negative. Subject released from detainment along with ██████. Item described as light but with a burst of flavor. Subject expressed desires for more and depression when requested is denied. Placing more than 5000 yen in the machine required formal approval for an experiment test. 100,000 yen. Powered. A lavishly illustrated menu for Big Bub's House of Subs. Ordered investigation revealed that the photographs of the various menu were flavored just like the items they represented. Nutrient content was typical for modern quality restaurant fare. Item was dry but not filling. 250 yen. Powered. A blue and yellow 500 ml metal can with a screw on cap labeled Dr. Belcher's Magical Flashing Bug Juice. Can contains a carbonated neon green liquid which emits occasional flashes of bright indigo light. Testing revealed no radioactivity or electromagnetic emissions outside the indigo band. No nutritional information printed on the can tastes strongly of Tangello's. Heavily derritic effect that lasted several days. 1000 yen. Powered. Agent Orange Sherbert. A small single-servant ice cream container printed an obscure working-classed French with a cartoon secret agent on it, complete with a trench coat, fedora, and black sunglasses, giving a thumbs up and saying, good enough to die twice for. Given to a D-2348 for testing, Subject took a bite and claimed, tastes like really rich orange sorbet with a vanilla cream hint to it, like eating a dream sickle. Subject later complained of minor back pain or reward he would find the next day. 1500 yen. Powered. Mr. Q's cumbersome soda bottle. A small plastic bottle clear with a minty greenish tint and an odd stopper on the neck of the bottle. When tilted normally the drink, the cola hits the stopper and won't flow. Through an hour of testing, the stopper was discovered to only work when the bottle was tilted at a right angle while being rotated from the bottom of the bottle and shaken slightly. Soda was described as refreshing and abnormally tasty. 10 yen. Powered. A 12-ounce beverage can of American air, emblazoned with an American flag that circles the can, notably displaying 48 stars instead of 50. A small caption on the back of the can reads as follows, a real patriot knows not to breathe the same air as communists, a real patriot remembers, let your love of freedom breathe freely with American air, as expected the can contains somewhat stale but otherwise normal air. 100 yen. Powered. A size 64 trail beef style fedora composed of beef jerky. The object was flattened inside a small cardboard box with nutritional facts and a label-reading meat hat, teriyaki fedora, and a catchphrase, you can have your hat and eat it too. Consumed without incident, taste described as tough but enjoyable. 500 yen. Powered. An LP music album composed entirely of hard green sugar and an airtight green plastic wrap, packaging in Albanian, with a picture of a cellist that a pianist playing a duet. Playing the album resulted in an unrecognized piano strings movement with the LP encroling itself as the needle passed. Surprisingly does not seem to interfere with the balance of the LP or the phonograph machine anyway. A recording of the music is available on request. The LP was consumed by those attended a presentation, reportedly tasting like lime-flavored hard candy. 1000 yen. Powered. An olive-green plastic bag of dried bay leaves, packaging in ancient Greek, Delphic dialect with the phrase, Pytheas Choice, brand bay leaves. Three leaves were fed to Subject D-3968. Subject reported loss of feeling in his limbs, displayed unusual vocal patterns and seemed to be entering a trans-like state. Upon consuming two more leaves, the subject collapsed and went into convulsions, screaming apparent gibberish interspersed with ancient Greek of the same dialect displayed on the package. Subject continued to convulse for 3 minutes and 24 seconds then became limp and unresponsive. Subject died two days afterward, with no signs of recovery. Analysis of the leaves has shown an extremely high concentration of ethylene, a chemical compound known as the cause of observed effects. How the subject spoke Greek is of yet unknown. The translation of the subject's outburst is largely nonsensical, reading ████████ Forman. Coins circa mid-15th century Japan. Powered. Small red velvet pouch with intricate golden embroidery depicting various hulki fans. Designed with golden string, open in a pouch revealed that contents to be little more than dust, analysis of the dust revealed that it consists of desiccated rice, red beans, shrimp and soy beans, originally from approximately the same era as the currency used. ██████ Powered. Cylinder labeled Ant Annie's Fruity Fribers. Blue raspberry beret. Packaging text in English, French and Hawaiian. Packaging encourages customers to try other available flavors including grape gloves, mint, mittens, and cherry cow. Contents for one skin of sweet-smelling blue yarn, a pair of knit needles and a sheet of paper containing instructions for knitting a simple hat. Sampling the end of the yarn proved to be edible to describe this chewy and a little dry with a raspberry flavor. The presiding researcher was able to knit the hat described in the pattern and reported the yarn behaved similarly to a wool blend. One counterfeit 500 yen coin, minted on site otherwise identical to an authentic article accepted by SCP-261. Powered. After the delay of approximately three seconds, an unmarked opaque white cellophane package was dispensed. Package contained candy similar to gummy bears but shaped like human hands with extended middle fingers. Item was interpreted as a threat and not consumed. Testing revealed candy contained lethal amounts of potassium cyanide. On October 9th, 2009, a sequential experiment with an unpowered SCP-261 was run. The experiment had asserted just how quickly the machine would start to dispense bizarre objects. All of any items were tested via D-Class personnel for safety reasons. 500 yen, unpowered. A soft drink can labeled Kogepsy Zero with a color scheme that appears to be a combination of the Coke and Pepsi Zero calorie product labels. D-Class personnel reported it tasted like a mix of Coke and Pepsi and a definite taste of aspartame. Ingredients list on can appear to be a mix of Coke and Pepsi ingredients, no special effects noted. 500 yen, unpowered. A larger normal can, the label declaring it to be a normal variety of canned corn that can be found in grocery stores. Upon opening, can was revealed to contain hot melted butter and two stunted corn cobs. The can showed no signs of being warmed to the touch from the outside. Item was consumed without incident. Butter cooled off normally, later reports of stomach and bowel pain from D-Class personnel prompt determination and autopsy, revealing the presence of popcorn kettles within its gastrointestinal tract. 500 yen, unpowered. An unlabeled object that resembles a Mark II pineapple fragmentation hand grenade. Testing area evacuated as a precaution. D-Class personnel sent in a retrieved item under surveillance, expressing concern. Object appeared to be safe. Object was moved to a blast chamber. D-Class personnel ordered to remove pen, throw and evacuate and compliance reluctantly. Object explodes in the corner of the blast chamber in a puff of sugar and several high velocity fragments. The blast chamber coated in very amounts of granulated sugar, metal fragments absorbed in walls. It was noted that upon entering a taste of sugar could be definitely observed. No harmful effects noted. 500 yen, unpowered. A six inch long figurine of SCP-682, which upon being removed from the vending machine became animate and started to do an apparent barbershop routine, dancing with a suddenly materializing cane and hat upon the counter. Music came from unidentified swords and resembled a standard barbershop routine, but those present when unable to place the singers. Nearby security personnel opened fire upon the figurine. Bullets did not harm the object and were absorbed into it. Figurines stopped dancing and music seized over approximately two minutes. Item not consumed, but tests revealed to be made of caramel. Further chemical analysis revealed that the caramel was contaminated with large amounts of arsenic and recent poison. Item was also contained in intact, expended 9mm JHP rounds, having apparently healed the wound but not removed to bullets. Item disposed of. Money entered. 10 yen note, minted circa 1943, powered, chocolate 5-1 4th inch floppy disc. Later inspection revealed to be formatted for the Japanese MX-X computer. Performing a read-write test with aforementioned computers did not melt or affect the disc in any way. Despite the fact that the internal temperature of the computer would have been enough to melt chocolate, item tasted of unremarkable milk chocolate. 450 yen, powered, malignaled zickle chiddles, zaku-lottle. A small aluminum can with a label on what appears to be Aztec language, illustrated with a stylized female mascot clad in traditional Mesoamerican dress, smiling and holding up a can and beating steam. Bottom of the can has self-heating filament, activating it heats the liquid, tastes faintly of chocolate but is bitter and slightly spicy. 300 yen, powered, philosopher's figs and honey, a small lidded ceramic box similar in style to ancient Greek pottery. The Greek label indicated there was a special philosopher prize inside. The box was separated by a ceramic divide down the sitter. One half contained honey and the other half contained several fresh figs. Honey described as clovery, the prize inside with a miniature marble bust of play-doh. 500 yen, powered, fairy-fairy alchemy coins, a white package of cracker-like medallions quarter-sized with alchemical symbols inscribed on their surfaces. Label which is Middle English, are the few cartoon fairies waving magic wand over to crackers. Crackers containing gold and silver had their innards extracted. D-class ate the cracker shells of both and noted that they were similar in taste and texture to saltines. Other crackers contained vitro, hydrochloric acid, antinomy, mercury, and lead. 535 yen, powered, mandel broochin. While the name was just bread, the actual product inside the set of four dry chocolate cookies in fractal shapes. This fractal pattern was repeated down to the atomic structure of the cookie surface. A warning on the package stated that the cookies must be dipped in water or milk prior to eating to avoid damage to the mouth and throat. 400 yen, powered, turtachokin. Balls of fried turkey each containing a smaller ball of fried duck containing a chocolate candy with a fried chicken center. Labeling describes the product as containing 450% of the amount of saturated fat required by an adult human. 500 yen, powered, prasina. A soda can packaged by the Coca-Cola company. Most labeling and logo. Nutrition facts note high in omega-3 fatty acids. Ingredients list fish oils prominently. D-class opened, consumed. Texture of chicken soup tastes like fresh salmon, verified by a researcher, taste with unusual but enjoyable. 500 yen, powered, a cardboard box 9 cm x 9 cm x 6 cm, with a picture of a human molar tooth on blue background on the front. Unknown pictographic script similar to Aztec. Edition in the box revealed a tooth full scale approximately 5 cm long, essentially a jaw breaker. Chemical analysis confirms the pulp of the tooth is a sweet fruit syrup. Aside from shape, not chemically unusual. 5000 yen, powered, a glass perfume vial filled with artificially flavored human sweat. Chemical analysis revealed high levels of human pheromones and nut-mint flavoring. Essentially a mild aphrodisiac. No labeling. 10,000 yen, powered, drinky bird, a tin can with no pop-top with a paper label of an orderland drinking from a liquor bottle. Contained a fattened orderland drowned in brandy. Chemical analysis revealed no abnormalities. 800 yen, powered, a beeswax hexagonal prism, like a cell in a honeycomb, about 6 cm deep with edges around 3 cm, about the size of a single-servant yogurt cup. The hexagonal surface was stamped with a bass relief of a cartoon bee with Russian text translated to springtime syrup. Nutrition facts were on the side, contained puffed oats, each of which contained a small amount of fresh honey, eaten by the researcher with a sample saved for later analysis. 200 yen, powered, a live, hairless, boneless guinea pig with nutrition facts tattooed on the right side in English, contains unusually high levels of vitamins and minerals, contains unknown nutritional supplement, heliate, with no RDA. After killing the guinea pig, the researcher attempted to remove the limb for consumption, but accidentally breached the abdominal cavity, revealing that it contained a green savory custard where its organs would be expected. 100 yen, powered, stan fizz, standard-shaped soda can, English text, Coca-Cola bottling company, green and purple color scheme in the logo, unknown substance, standus listed on the ingredients list in the form of artificial flavor of standus, presumably no actual standus in the beverage, tastes reminiscent of grape soda and champagne. 100 yen, unpowered, a lemon unpeeled with no writing, once peeled, scent would report to be orange, edible though reported as tasting like watered-down tree bark. 490 yen, powered, red plastic container labeled, honor-dual, packaged contained what appeared to be a pair of action figures resembling samurai, one black in coloration and the other red. Upon opening of the package, a samurai stood and attacked each other. After a short battle, the black samurai, decapitated the red one, gave a cry of victory and banished. Subsequent announcement of the red samurai revealed to be made of rock candy with a raspberry flavor. 500 yen, powered, two standard triple-A batteries emblazoned with eye-catching, untranslatable symbols, otherwise completely normal. Repeated test of ten trials with intervals of one minute between attempts. Coins used for retrieved from a Coca-Cola brand-bending machine outside the ████████████. Money entered for each bin, 65 yen, powered, items vended. Test 1-3, cans of Coca-Cola with varying Japanese labeling schemes. Contents are chemically identical to current Coke formula. Test 4, Diet Coke with K's. The other text on the cans written in a pitched-in language apparently derived from Chinese and Japanese. Test 5, a can of Coca-Cola clear, labeled closed in the dark, on top of can of the holofoil advertiser for an unknown animated film. Test 6, caramelized cocoa leaves, very strong aroma of mint, class D who ingested it showed symptoms of a mild cocoa overdose. But no other responses. Test 7, container shattered upon bending, appears to have been a glass container filled with a brownish gas. Bottle was fully sealed, lacking lid or cap. Test 8, lemony and bodephric dragon delight, an uncooked ear of yellow corn molded in the shape of a Chinese dragon. Resulting in it breathing a stream of molten butter into the internals of the microwave, causing a fire. Test 9, bottled lightning, an apparently empty glass bottle that serves as a powerful laden jar. The class D opened and experienced a near-fatal electric shock upon opening, subject reported tasting temperatures for an hour thereafter. Test 10, a can of Coca-Cola. The class D used to perform an analysis expired shortly after opening the can. This indicates the beverage contained carbon monoxide rather than carbon dioxide. 1500 yen, unpowered, Snapple, a seemingly normal granny smith with a small, hand-written tag attached to the stern. Further examination revealed the center to be composed of solid tin. 430 yen, powered, trusessy bacon, and a plastic bag. Artwork on the front depicts an anthropomorphic piece of bacon being crushed between two heavy rocks. It contained approximately 50 bite-sized objects with a peer and smell vaguely bacon-like. Upon one piece being fed to a D-class, the subject immediately clutched his stomach and collapsed on the floor. Examination of the D-class's stomach contents revealed the stomach had become extremely distended and full, approximately 3.9 liters by volume, with cooked bacon. 500 yen, unpowered, apparently a standard Hershey's brand chocolate bar with the packaging text written backwards as if reflected in a mirror. The chirality of all amino acids and sugars in a chocolate bar is the opposite of that of earth, life, organic compounds. 500 yen, powered, Dante's, 750-gram package of biscuits with nine distinct circular, concentric layers. Packaging claims that contents taste like hell. 1500 yen, powered, a live crab inside a plastic container. The crab escaped the container and caused a brief altercation before being recaptured. Biology and taste match common. Tunis Trituber Colitis 1000 yen, powered, small, empty plastic blue package with a stylized drop of water. On the back were instructions written in German and Dutch. The directions instructed the user to empty a package above a large bucket containing one liter of water and stir. When the instructions were followed, an additional 0.5 liters of water appeared in the bucket, somewhat bitter. 500 yen, powered, a medium-sized bag of pretzel bits shaped like gears, springs, rides, and other clockwork components. The package depicts a smiling, winking figure seemingly made out of clockwork giving a thumbs-up sign. The food itself was salty and difficult to chew. 1500 yen, powered, small pill bottle with writing on it in an unknown language. Package depicts a cartoon image of a young boy biting into a squirming candy rat. Bottle contained 10 large pellets. One pellet was given to a lab rat and subsequently eaten. The lab rat then fell asleep, after which all the rat's tissues rapidly began transformation into various candy substances. Every ten minutes later, the rat awoke and seemed to be able to function normally despite all of its tissues being transformed into non-functional candy tissue. D-class instructed to eat the rat. Reported the organs were replaced by a jelly candy substance. The blood seemed to be syrup and bones were made out of crystallized sugar. The taste of the candy was normal and as expected, and no adverse effects were reported, remaining pellets placed in storage for later testing. 500 yen, powered, a small disc-like device wrapped in an unknown kind of fabric. Writing on fabric is unrecognizable. Device had a red button on the convex side of the disc. D-class instructed to push button in a blast-proof chamber. When the button was pushed, an audible hum was heard from the device for approximately 10 seconds. Before the button changed color to blue, the button ceased to function afterwards. 555 yen, powered, St. Patrick's Snape Skin Pie. Product names in English, the labels are in Irish Gaelic. D-class's pink-wrapped product resembled a small, minced pie. Dissection of products showed that the center of the pie would fill with dried and salted snake meat of an unknown species. D-class consumed product and reported a taste similar to the very tough chicken. 555 yen, unpowered, a tall pink soda can without a label. Opening the can produced a sound similar to a grenade exploding and inside with a fizzy transparent liquid. D-class declined to drink the liquid after an amount was accidentally spilled on a table on a small, round object's groove from the plastic. Analysis indicated the objects were eggs containing fetal creatures resembling amphibians. 1025 yen, powered. Machine dispensed a cheap-looking flashlight and six colored lenses, each a different color of the rainbow. After an hour, during which a small group had gathered in an attempt to discover this purpose, Dr. ███████ accidentally shown the flashlight on a nearby D-class's face while the red lens was attached. The other lenses were shown to cause taste of orange, banana, lime, blueberry, and grape. Testing revealed a flashlight and lenses to be ordinary plastic. 600 yen, powered. Glass bottle with cork stopper and paper label. Text on label consists mostly of characters in the Armenian alphabet, but does not correspond to any identifiable words. Bottle contains a mixture of 30% ethyl alcohol, 45% eel blood, species unidentified, 25% water with trace amounts of cedar wood, resin, and lead. 600 yen, powered. Cardboard box dimensions approximately 5 cm by 6 cm by 3 cm. Label in Nuhadil language with a two-color illustration of an unknown breed of dog. Box contains a candied dog fetus. 600 yen, powered. White cellophane envelope lettering on envelope reads age meat product in Gujarat language phonetically transcribes in the Hebrew alphabet. Emplote contains rotten, maggot-infested meat, probably avian in origin. 600 yen, powered. Pulled tab aluminum can label Billy beer, and packaged in the same manner of novelty beer product produced by Fall City Brewing Company in the United States in the late 1970s. Can labeling includes the endorsement, I had this beer brewed just for me, I think it's the best I ever tasted, and I tasted a lot, I think you'll like it too, Billy Carter. Can contains a liquid that appears to be beer, subject consumed some, and reported symptoms of mild intoxication for the following 72 hours. The meat entered 150B yen, the military currency used in the US-occupied Okinawa from 1948 to 1958. Powered, a cheeseburger with pickles and lettuce identical to the same available from the ████████████████ restaurant chain. 150B yen, powered, a box seven centimeters on the side that went open, played a badly recorded song while a ballerina statue sprung around a stand within the box. Both the ballerina and the box were made of what was proven to be a liquefied and reconstituted two-patty cheeseburger. 150B yen, powered, a Caesar salad no lettuce on an edible soy-based plate. 5 Watokaishin, Japanese currency dated to the 8th century CE. Powered, item described, one bowl of rice cooked no utensil. Note, contemporary to the time, the bowl was dated to the late 1st millennium, and chopsticks were not commonly used among the poorer classes. SCP-261 appears to be treating the coins at their original value. 45W Watokaishin, powered, a plate of higher quality than the previous bowl containing what was confirmed to be sliced monkey on a bed of rice. 50W Watokaishin, unpowered, one plate of unknown meat contained within that appears to be an enormous 20cm by 8cm single grain of rice. Meat was tested and confirmed to be full-aid between 2 and 3 years of age. DNA analysis showed that the ████████ from which the meat came had been genetically optimized by artificial means for purposes of consumption. The technology to accomplish this will not likely be invented this century, however analysis on the meat and rice confirmed their origin is Japanese. Check, written in kana for 1000 yen, of same dimensions as currency. Powered, a 3cm by 5cm slip of cardboard went on a human's person. They will report tasting milk chocolate until they are relieved of the cardboard. A note in English reading IOU 500 yen. Powered, an open container of smart food brand white cheddar flavored popcorn, manufactured by Frito Lay, contains remnants of popcorn kettles and powdered cheddar cheese flavored substance and a note reading IOU 41 popcorn kernels. 500 yen, powered, 41 cheese flavored popcorn kernels, uncontained, identical to those produced by smart food brand. 0 yen, pushed coin return button, powered, a single 0 yen coin deposited in a changed return slot. Coin is pressed out of pot metal, reverse-faced depicts a smiling Ronald McDonald. 500 yen, powered, Styrofoam cup labeled Tasty Bird Spicy Lime Snack, contained 2 oz of unknown powder. Instructions are to filled a lime with hot water, cover and wait 3 minutes. Upon opening, packaging contained reconstituted, decalcified parrot skeleton in a tangy broth and celery and cilantro and lime. Described as zesty with an odd texture, nutritional information indicates it contains 300% daily recommended sodium. 300 yen, unpowered, stainless steel cylinder 8 cm in diameter by 20 cm with a pull tab unlabeled but covered in etched, logarithmic spirals believed to be writing. Container described as unusually heavy and weighed 5.2 kg before opening. D-class personnel instructed to open can and center a testing area. Subject had difficulty pulling tab, necessitating he hold the can close to his chest for leverage. Upon opening, observers reported seeing a bright flash discharge straight upward from mouth to cylinder through the face of D-class who collapsed immediately. Container appeared to be a small linear particle accelerator which releases a stream of charged particles when opened. Testing chamber described as tasting like copper afterwards. Subject expected to make partial recovery but was eliminated to prevent medical expense. 0 yen, pushed corn return button, unpowered, red aluminum can label simply, stop that in block letters. Intermittent buzzing heard from within can as if coming from a large, angry insect. Subject declined to open container. 666 yen, powered, a plastic box of Uncle Nick's brand delicious Sunday profanity snack. Boxing prominently featured a winking cartoon devil as well as pentagrams and birded crosses that utter occult symbols stereotypically associated with Satanism. All texts uttered in the brand name and product name printed in vulgar Latin in a slightly irregular typeface suggesting hand lettering. Back of box prominently featured a slogan, Damn Nation Guaranteed. Ingredients list included unholy water but was otherwise consistent with a meal consisting solely of bread and wine. Subjects contained 13 pieces of relieving bread and a style of communion wafers and a clear plastic sachet of red wine when the drinking nozzle. Subject reported wafers as delicious and surprisingly filling with a taste reminiscent of very rare steak and wine is excellent but slightly salty. Subject was placed under observation but no anomalous behavior had been reported. 0 yen in the form of a single 0 yen coin is dispensed by SCP-261 in an earlier test. Powered. Containing full meal of burger, fries, onion rings and large coke similar to that purchased from ██████ but with all nutritional information ingredients list censored. Subject reported the meal had absolutely no flavor, a uniformly smooth and uninteresting texture that did not reduce her hunger at all. 500 yen, unpowered, power cord of an accidentally pulled out a wall while cleaning up after previous experiment. One soft drink can, similar in styling to Diacola, printed in a language later determined to be denzoka and as to reach screaming, untranslatable. Opened can and joy screaming meal. Upon opening can emitted a painful shrieking noise estimated at 125 to 130 decibels for approximately 15 seconds, during which time Subject managed to hold onto the can reported it growing lighter. When the noise ceased, both subjects present noticed that they felt oddly sated and did not need to eat for the rest of the day. Powered, item dispensed with a small tan box with the text Tasty Fetus and Dark Green Text. On the box below this text is a picture of a smiling light orange colored fetus. There is more dark green text below the picture it reads, now with shorter gestational period. The back of the box featured a three panel comic with three human characters, two females and one male in a domestic living room setting. In the first panel the female character on the right end of the panel has a speech bubble above her head reading, Mom and Dad I have something to tell you, I'm pregnant. The second panel shows the shocked faces of the parent characters in the middle of the panel with a speech bubble over dad reading, I can't believe this young lady you're in so much trouble. The daughter character interrupts them and says no dad it's just a new tasty fetus. The final panel begins with the text four weeks later and depicts the three characters laughing and making mmm noises while consuming an orange fetus shaped gummy. The fetus is still attached to what appears to be an umbilical cord. 500 yen, unpowered, at first no object was seen delivered from SCP-261, an investigation to the delivery trade did discover a tiny package roughly one centimeter square. Object was moved to a lab where microscopic analysis revealed a packaging to be standard cellophane with the word nanosnacks on the front in English. The remainder of the writing on the packaging consisted of a series of numbers and letters corresponding to hexadecimal, though with no known relation to any language. The packaging with a small circular wafer announced it revealed the wafer to be pure silicone. Wafer and packaging have been retained for further research. Note, several of the hexadecimal numbers on the package have been positively identified as op-codes for the MOS Technology 6502 microprocessor. The remaining hexadecimal numbers have yet to be identified and do not correspond to any op-codes of any known microprocessor. 500 yen, unpowered, jelly joy beans, assorted emotions. The packaging is a semi-transparent plastic in English. Contents are an assortment of colored jelly beans. When consumed, subjects overcome with specific emotional state for 3-5 seconds. Initial testing revealed a correlation between bean color and the emotion experienced. Red is joy, blue is sadness, pink is sexual arousal, yellow is fear, green is anger and purple is jealousy. Analysis revealed several chemicals known to interfere with human neurotransmitters as well as an accelerant. 1500 yen, unpowered, Colonel Frosty's mystical ice bomb, made by Kraft, contained in a light-blue box roughly 5 cm x 5 cm x 5 cm. According to the label, it was pomegranate grapefruit flavored. Inside the box was a sphere of the size of a marble with a small button on the side. The object exuded a reddish-orange gas similar to that of liquid nitrogen, however it felt room temperature to the touch. When subject pressed a button on the side, the sphere lighted up brightly before exploding in the cloud of smoke that filled the room. After the smoke cleared, it was apparent that every surface in the entire room, all staff present, was coated in a reddish-orange frost. The frost was entirely edible and tasted of sugar and citric acid. All conventional means of cleaning up failed. The only successful method of removing the frost was through licking. It took a total ████ of staff members licking the break room and all staff present during the explosion for an hour before it was cleaned. ██ ████ powered, a cellophane packet whose label read, powdered milk with extra spiders, just add water and stir. When the contents of the packet were added to a glass of water and stirred, the result with a glass of skim milk containing 85 small-sized spiders. ██ ██, unpowered, large unlabeled clear plastic container containing assorted hard candy shaped like various multi-sided dice akin to those used in tabletop gaming. Each number's side produced a different flavor when tested. With each denomination of dice producing a different set of flavors, taste tests performed on a D6 and a D20 sample found that the former produced common fruit flavors while the latter contained a wide variety of flavors, many of which were not commonly used in hard candies. 500 yen, powered, Uncle Shifty's Instant Booze tablets, a small plastic tube containing five white tablets resembling aspirin tablets. Label on tube depicts a poorly-grimmed older man holding a flask in his right hand and giving a thumbs up with his left. Remember that when the tablet is placed in water, it begins to dissolve rapidly until the water is transmuted into its volumetric equivalent in 5% alcohol content beer. Remaining tablets sent to lab for further analysis. 1500 yen, powered, a 12-ounce aluminum soda can labeled Yukiotonaka's exquisite ginger-drinking vinegar in English. Additional packaging and Bask. Packaging and nutritional information declared the can to be a ginger-flavored vinegar beverage. Handling of the can's contents revealed the liquid would be 12 molarity hydrofluoric acid. 314 yen, powered, two Geppi mooncakes with peanut filling, one round of one square and a transparent package. Further examination revealed the bottom of both mooncakes have equal areas. 500 yen, powered, a single 355-milliliter can of tab soda. Upon closer examination, tiny grains of sand could be found embedded in the metal of the can. The liquid with them was described as tasting slightly stale. Researcher ██████ under direction of Dr. ██████ date, 2012 ██████ 10001 yen coins, powered, 5-milliliter, round bottom flask with short neck, captive rubber stopper partially filled with grains of a white crystalline solid. Item included a round pair of translucent purple plastic force hips wrapped around a spherical body of the flask kept in place by a plastic wrapper. Packaging labeled in Japanese translated as ball of boredom with English instructions that read as follows. This is a package for best results using forceps. One alone can enjoy the best. D-20883 instructed to open a container and count the contents using tools included. D-20883 verbally expressed their incredulity as the routetium of the task was complied counting 1000 grains of the solid. D-20883 subsequently instructed to consume one grain at a time and describe the flavor. Each of the 1000 grains were verbally described by D-20883 as salty or some variation thereof despite requests for more detailed descriptions. When provided with water following the experiment, D-20883 voiced complaints that it tasted salty. Subject claimed that their symptoms persisted for all food and drink, regardless of composition until the termination. All experiment materials were tested for anomalous compounds, but only traces of ordinary table salt were found. Comment ██████ That was boring. Researcher ██████ Money entered, 1001 yen coins, unpowered, one white cardboard folding carton, devoid of any labels or identifying information containing 6 oversized pharmaceutical blister pack, 10x6x2 cm. Blister pack has a single bubble containing one grey-brown cookie effigy of doctor █████. Each cookie appears to be in the shape of a cartoon science as identifiable with a commonly exaggerated feature to doctor ████, including his distinct ██████ hair as well as his ██████ and even ██████ footwear. The foil of the blister packs are printed with a pattern consisting of the name Dr. T.D.us in the tagline No Fun for Human Consumption, item fed to a reddish norovivicus, D-class personnel and a research assistant in that order, one at a time with observation period between tests. No negative effects were observed on any of the subjects. D-class describes the cookie as tasting-like ████, while the research assistant describes it as underwhelming, bland and boring. One cookie opened and submitted for chemical and physical analysis, which failed to detect any unusual compounds or properties. They weren't that funny, guys. Dr. ██████ note, remaining packs were framed and kept in doctors ██████, laboratory for aesthetic morale purposes, researcher ████, ████, 100 yen, powered, and bag of Doritos atomic. Bag given to a D-class for testing failed to show any form of radiation. Upon consumption, the D-class displayed began displaying a reaction between eating a highly spicy food and being burnt alive. Reaction lasted for a minute until the subject passed out of dehydration in extreme pain. Later, interviews revealed the D-class under the sensation that he was being dunked in burning gasoline. Remaining chips were revealed to contain juice from the ghost pepper, as well as several unknown compounds were doomed to be responsible for the D-class filling the external burning sensation. Comment, I'm requesting one of these chips to see how badly submersion in water affects the secondary sensation of the chips. Dr. Slav, 307 yen, powered, won vacuum sealed bargain bag containing 12 rolls of papaya-shaving loggins, with each roll containing 12 loggins. Rolls were labeled not for individual resale and health warning do not consume more than one papaya-shaving lozenge in a 6 hour period. Pregnant or nursing women should not consume papaya-shaving loggins in English, Hungarian and Malagasy. Upon consumption of a lozenge, D-class personnel immediately lost all facial and body hair. Hair subsequently re-grew at normal rate. Upon consumption of two lozenges at once, D-class personnel immediately lost all facial and body hair, and began experiencing nosebleeds and lost the hearing. Nosebleeds ceased for two hours. Hearing had 50% return by time of termination. Scalp hair was unaffected. Money entered, 1,999 yen, powered. One rectangular can of instant party depicting the face of American singer Prince above the words, let's get this party started. Can was open with a key glue to the side of the can. Upon opening the song, 1999 was heard from the can, along with a series of lights consistent with that of a nightclub. D-class personnel reported a strong urge to dance. Effect persisted for three hours after which time the can became inert. 600 yen, powered. One bag of descents as to salmon. Just add water. Bag contained 10 salmon eggs. When water was added, salmon eggs hatch and grew to adulthood in approximately 20 seconds. Then proceeded to cook instantly. Salmon meat found to be smoked, D-class personnel reported no unusual effects upon consumption. 1200 yen, unpowered. One bottle of Mr. Mercer's Amazing Condiment. Bottle found to contain two ounces of orange paste. When applied to any object, the condiment made the object incredibly palatable. This was seen to work in all objects it was tested on, including wood, stone, sand, rotten meat, and Brussels sprouts. However, it does not change the composition of the object it is applied to. Bottle sent the lab for testing. So, requesting new D-class personnel due to loss of teeth. One Keiko-era-kobin. The gold currency during the Tokogawa period. Powered. 1642.5 cups of uncooked rice in the form of grains ejected from SCP-261's slot. Cleanup required three researchers and 3320-pound rice bags. Rice grains reported to look like someone had picked them out of the mud. D-class personnel reported no unusual effects upon consumption. One Monon-era-kobin. Powered. Two hundred eighty cups of uncooked rice in the form of grains ejected from SCP-261's slot. Cleanup required one researcher and six twenty-pound rice bags. Rice reported to still look dingy. D-class personnel reported no unusual effects upon consumption. One Ho-ee-era-kobin. Unpowered. One packet of beckoning meat. Containing six slabs of cooked meat from the fellow's catus. Specifically, the Japanese bobtail. An illustration in the upper left corner depicts a beckoning cat being spit-roasted. D-class was initially reluctant to consume object but was persuaded after four minutes by researchers. Upon consumption, D-class personnel reportedly felt lucky. No other effects noted. Four hundred yen. Powered. One can of Coca-Cola packaging an English label reads, Now With Extra Sugar. Seven thousand yen. Unpowered. The hoof of a cow wrapped in loose cellophane entered the receptive gulf but could not be removed due to size. The items seemed to be attached to a full animal inside SCP-261, and struggling sounds were heard from SCP-261. Upon attempts to open SCP-261, the sound of tearing flesh could be heard. The hoof severed and fell to receptacle, and the machine was found to be empty. Analysis reports the hoof belonged to the regular boast primogenius. Notably contained cream filling and plays a bone marrow. Seven hundred yen. Powered. One small box of nips. Box labeling and description almost identical to the Nestle brand of caramel candies under the same name. All differences include the flavor advertised to be flesh, and the picture of the candy no longer in the typical round shape but instead shaped similarly to human nipples. Box contained approximately sixteen candies, and various shades dimmed from pink to brown. Taste was described as similar to pork. Texture completely alike to Nestle brand candies. Analysis revealed candies to be made of ██████ remaining kept for further testing. Fourteen hundred yen. Powered. One box containing four pebb's dispensers and twelve blocks of pebb's candy. Tests on the dispensers were modeled after those of former American President Bill Clinton, former White House intern Monica Lewinsky, former Independent Prosecutor Ken Starr, and former Lewinsky confidant Linda Tripp. Candies and dispensers not found to be anomalous. One hundred yen. Powered. Doctor College's EasyRam, a small plastic cup with image of a stereotypical mad scientist on the top. Packaging in American English, instructions to add water and heat microwave for sixty seconds. Results as ramen noodles and what appears to be a low quality cheese sauce. Taste was about what you'd expect. Analysis revealed nutritional content to be identical to exactly one-third of daily requirements for an average, post-provisant male, with large amounts of omega-3 fatty acids. One hundred yen. Unpowered. Edimus. Edible miniature Kleister syringe with image of a smiling Asian child. Instructions in American English describing how to administer edema with said product. One testing was found to not only function of the edema, but also administer the nutrient supplements of the colonel walls, sent to lab for testing. Precisely half of a one hundred yen coin. Powered. The top half of a standard three hundred fifty-four milliliter Coca-Cola can. Can confirmed to be empty. Upon being opened to approximately one hundred seventy-seven milliliters of liquid, later confirmed to be Coca-Cola fell from the bottom of the can and landed directly on a foot of the D-class personnel conducting the test. Five hundred yen. Powered. Unpowered. Container which appeared to be a typical Altoids container approximately nine point five centimeters in length, six centimeters in width, and two centimeters in height. D-class consumed one mint from container resulting in muscle growth and increased muscle mass one point five times. Subject terminated in prevention of more muscle growth. Mint confirmed to contain steroids as well as an unidentified chemical, though the ingredient list was identical to that of a normal Altoids container. All right. Slip of paper with nine hundred thousand yen written in English. Powered. A large clear receivable bag containing a warm brown thick substance, BS written on bag when it appeared to be a black permanent marker. Upon testing, contents confirmed to be male bovine feces, testing concluded for the day. Got a love of machine with an attitude, researcher. The following test logs were conducted impromptu after Agent ██████ requested supervising staff for additional yen to test SCP-261 multiple times during the day he was not on duty, claiming to only have two coins. After the request was denied, Agent ██████████ reportedly remarked, ████████████, I'll just do the coin trick. Money entered, one five hundred yen coin with a hole drilled into the edge and tied to one meter length of string. After the coin was inserted, string was pulled in effort to pull the coin out. The string broke or became untied as the knot and the coin was accepted as usual. Powered. Juicy juice, mountain barrier, a single juice box with popular children's brand fruit juice, lukewarm. Labels and ingredients for an English and test indicated the juice and box were unanomalous, but expired by three weeks and four days. Upon consumption, the subject indicated the juice tasted funny. One 500-yen coin with a hole drilled into the edge and tied to one meter length of monofilament fishing line. After the coin was inserted, the string was pulled and coins excessively removed from the coin slot. Powered, chip-a-hoi brand cookies and a standard blue wrapper of four standard-sized chocolate-chip cookies, text on the package written in outdated Sanskrit. Things appeared ordinary, edible. Subjects voiced a dislike over the particular brand of cookie, but otherwise stated they were fine. Moments after completing the last cookie, subjects immediately vomited a chunky brown paste. Tests shown the exact volume and ingredients to be equal to that of the four cookies, though it could not be determined what made the subject sick. One 500-yen coin with a hole drilled into the edge and tied to one meter length of monofilament line. After the coin was inserted, string was pulled and coins excessively removed from the coin slot. Powered, schmoozy. Subjects of watermelon, 32 oz. clear plastic-squeezed bottle labeled in green as in English except for a punctuation at the start of the sentence. Possible marketing gimmick, labeled included a stenciled picture of a watermelon with chocolate syrup on it. Thick, light brown liquid inside appeared similar in texture to a melted chocolate milkshake. Testings proved edible. Subjects stated flavor was like a Jolly Rancher brand, hard candies dissolved in milk, and gagged after each sip. Upon completion of the bottle, subject was asked to describe his condition. Subjects said quiet and a ponderous state for each second before violently vomiting a frothy liquid into the testing area. Cleanup was able to collect 31.53 oz. of fluid as .47 oz. that absorbed into the subject's clothes. Confiscated. One 500-yen coin with a hole drilled into the edge and tied to one meter length of monofilament fishing line. After the coin was inserted, string was pulled and coins excessively removed from the coin slot. Powered. Nung, shim, udon, premium noodle soup, dried noodles in a plastic bowl, edible. No utensils included. Package seems ordinary. Text is written in both English and Japanese, while boiling water poured into the noodles as per the directions subject comments they enjoyed this brand of noodles. When questioned on the condition after five bites, subject states, Probably not the best to ever have before a package udon, it's pretty damn good. When finished, the subject let out a relaxed sigh, leaned back in his chair and immediately vomited partially digested noodles and broth in the testing area. Again, tests revealed nothing that should cause such a reaction. A request was placed for Glade brand air fresheners before continuing testing. Pending. 42-yen. Unpowered. Dr. ██████████ pressed all the buttons at the same time. SCP-261 proceeded to make loud noises shaped violently for five seconds before dispensing a piece of paper, 9 x 6 cm. On one side I had the words, Meal Voucher, while on the reverse side it says, We apologize for the inconvenience. Dr. ████████ had been barred from using SCP-261 until further notice. Later from previous experiment, Unpowered, a small box labeled Hitchhiker's Meal, pretending a single tea bag labeled Anti-Tea, and a small yellow leech-like fish that does not match any known species, Dr. ████████, who was forced to test this due to the last experiment and describe the Anti-Tea as, Almost but not quite entirely unlike tea. He reported the fish tasted like chicken. 777-yen. Powered. SCP-261 made noises like a slot machine before dispensing exactly 777 chocolate coins. 13-yen. Powered. A small box of cereal labeled Unlucky Charms, with no marshmallows. D-Class reported him to taste very stale. It was discovered that it expired ████ years ago. 17-yen. Unpowered. A standard Game Boy portable gaming system with the game Tetris already inserted. Staff reported an extremely strong taste of blue raspberry in their mouths while playing. 1225-yen. Unpowered. At first glance, the item appears to be a regular three-layer sauerkraut sandwich. Upon closer inspection, however, it was discovered the sandwich also contained toadstools in an unknown type of sauce. Tests determined that the sauce was made of arsenic. The sandwich was not consumed. 755-yen. Unpowered. A bright yellow glass bottle with a black label, Thunderbar was written in a variation of zik on it, and under it read, Warning, not for consumption by individuals under the age of 48 and thick black letters. Inside with a red, somewhat viscous liquid, when opened by a D-Class personnel who was 52, the bottle emitted a massive thunderclap measuring 140 decibels, scaring and almost deafening her. When the liquid inside was drawn to subject noted a raspberry taste before falling to the ground unconscious, later tests concerned the subject lost consciousness due to a massive amount of alcohol spontaneously entering her system. It is unknown how the alcohol entered her system as the bottle resilled itself with her subject lost consciousness. Another test was conducted with a subject who was 34 years old. Upon opening the bottle, the subject was vaporized when the thunderclap was emitted. No further tests were administered. 100-yen. An additional 100-yen after punching in the numbers 100 in the machine. Powered. The machine made no noise for about five seconds and spat 200-yen out of the coin return. The sticky note also came out of the machine attached to a small yet smooth rock wing about 1.5 kg. The sticky note read, Make up your mind with an angry face drawn directly below this. All written with what seems to be permanent black marker. Comment, I'm starting to wonder if the machine enjoys being a ██████ when it has an opportunity. Doctor ██████. One 500-yen coin with a hole drilled into it. With thick yarn tied through the hole. Small amount of duct tape added over hold ensured the coin would not be lost. After inserting string was pulled and the coin was sensibly retrieved. Unpowered. The machine had saved for about roughly five seconds and dropped a live grenade. The grenade detonated approximately two seconds after hitting the ground. ████ killed, about ████ injured, and additional four receiving minor injuries. The grenade left the crater about two meters wide in diameter and about 18 cm deep. Interestingly, the machine itself was completely untouched. Repairs to lobby took ████ days to complete. Note, do I really have to tell you guys to stop playing coin trick or the thing? It's not a toy, researcher ████. ████ 250-yen, unpowered. A standard sized soda can bright yellow in color lacking any sort of text or symbols on it. Not one of the taking any chances it was taken to the lab. A D-class subject opened it in a blastproof container. A firecracker shot out, hit the ceiling and exploded. Aside from a scorched mart in the ceiling nobody was hurt and nothing was damaged. It is unknown what the source of ignition was. Testing concluded for the day. Researcher ████ 600-yen, powered. Candy commandos, a small two-compartment plastic bag weighing 400 grams, packaging an English, Italian, and French. Once open revealed it contained green and yellow toy soldiers, similar to plastic army men. Once the differently colored soldiers came in contact with each other, both sides began mock firing their weapons for approximately two minutes. After that, miniature stopped moving, reported taste with a peppermint. 500-yen, unpowered. A semi-transparent rectangular piece of red candy with no packaging or label, edible. Taste reported to be like watermelon but it melts in your mouth. Further research has shown that the candy contained over 200% of the daily RDA for sugar in adults. 1000-yen, unpowered. One 30 gram tube containing several small white pellets, packaging an unknown language. Packaging contained a small image of a pellet being placed in a cup of water. Once such was done, the water quickly thickened, becoming a pudding of sorts. Edible with taste said to be horrible like it was rotten. 1500-yen, unpowered. Caramels. Receivable 10 candy containing caramel candies. Chemical analysis revealed several unknown components. The subject assigned to consume the caramel began spluttering and fainted about █████ minutes. One hour later, the subject woke up lacking a tongue and teeth, testing halted for the day. Note, I'm beginning to wonder how repeated uses increase the anomalous content, perhaps for tiring it out, so to say. Junior researcher ██████, 200-yen, powered. A standard 12-ounce bottle of ████ cola. Labeling was Japanese, subject who drank it stated, it tastes fine but it seems a little flat. 100-yen, unpowered. An unlabeled cardboard box measuring 25 by 25 by 150 cm. Box contained ██████. Note, I don't care what you people think, I'm telling you that that thing was not innocent of those killings. Don't fall for those damn eyes, doctor. ██████. Note, three weeks after a previous experiment, doctor ██████ was found dead in his office. Autopsy revealed his entire digestive tract had failed due to unknown circumstances. He has been frozen for future analysis. Upon discovering his body ██████ was forced into the incinerator. 500-yen, powered. A lottery ticket for the ██████ lottery. Two days after a lottery ticket was spent, said ticket won ████ 1.5 million yen. It is unknown if the machine picked the lottery ticket knowing it would win, or just with a simple coincidence. If we catch anyone else trying to use this thing in the lottery ticket dispenser, we will ensure you will be banned from using the SCP-261-05 command. 5,000-yen, unpowered. Exactly 10,006-sided die exited the machine with explosive force, 3 killed, 12 injured. 1,110-yen, powered. A single plain doughnut on a paper plate, doughnut with an average size and average weight. Was reported as delicious upon consumption, testing concluded for the day. Note, I find it odd that the men at Junior Researcher ██████ suggests we're retiring it out. SCP-261 started dishing out normal items again. I can't be the only one to notice this. Sergeant ██████, one-yen, unpowered. One paper thin mint, described as low quality. 10-yen, unpowered. A mint precisely 10 times thicker than the previous test, describing it tasting like a citrus, but D-15A32 could not recognize it. 100-yen, unpowered. A package of SCP-1916 printed similarly to a normal box, however it came with no SCP-1916-2. 1000-yen, unpowered. A packet of unknown contents at a high enough temperature to vaporize almost immediately causing first degree burns to nearby personnel.