 The following is a clip from my popular YouTube livestreams answering your questions. If you're brand new to my channel, don't forget to hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time this video resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love, and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance a sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions. By no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian, so my advice goes contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations. All right, take it away, Jonathan. And I've been thinking about something that's been rattling my head for a bit. It's a woman on one of my Facebook posts says, why is dating so hard? Why is dating so hard? Why is dating so hard? Now I think she has most likely a traditional expectation of what dating should look like. And that's part of the challenge. So I want to address something that I think is really important to recognize. And that is dating is a relatively new phenomena. It's relatively new. If you think about it, Neanderthals are 200,000 years old and when Kate people got together, there was 10 men, 10 women, that was it or whatever the number was in their tribe. And you made it with whatever was there for you to make with. And as humans evolved, they started to be more tribe oriented. So let's say your tribe was 30 people, 15 men, 15 women. I mean, there were some elders, there were some children there. And you basically made it within that group. Okay. Then we started to move into villages and it started to be a little bit larger. There could be several hundred people in the village. And you mostly made it with someone you knew and you did that for survival reasons. In fact, literally up until about 50 years ago, women oftentimes had to pick men purely based on survival reasons. Okay. Literally because men were the predominant, well they were the hunters, they were the providers and women took care of the children. So there wasn't really a lot of dating up until about 100, really up until about 50 or 60 years ago. I know many of you women love the idea of the pride and prejudice. Well I want you to think about the movie Pride and Prejudice, Darcy said all of about 10 words to Kira Knightley and then he professes his love. I mean, where could you do that today? If someone in 10 words says they professed their love for you, you would think they were the Tinder swindler. Okay. So that narrative and by the way, you know, that was a great movie. You had two gorgeous women, Kira Knightley, Rose Mud Pike or Rose Mud Pike or Rose Mud Pike. I can't say her name properly. They wanted the richest, wealthiest men in town. They got them. But what about one of their friends who got stuck with the priest? She was a pain in the ass and why did she get stuck with the priest? Because she had to accept the crumbs because that's the way it used to be. Oftentimes up until a couple hundred years ago, most women just had to settle for whatever they could get. So they could basically be taken care of. So when I hear the conversation, why is dating so hard? Well think about it. It used to be when we lived in villages and tribes, we knew everybody. Everybody wasn't a stranger. Most everybody wasn't a stranger. And today our tribes are, we aren't in tribes. We aren't in villages. We're barely in any sense of a community or family in most cases. So it's no wonder it's a shit show out there because we're meeting total strangers and when we don't know anything about a person, we don't know their values. We don't know their lifestyle. And more importantly, we don't know their emotional maturity. It can be rather dysfunctional. And the fact is, and I know women, it blows me away. How many of you think as a man gets older, he becomes more emotionally mature? No. And by the way, you women are no picnic either. Let's just be clear about this there. It's just as many dysfunctional women out there as there are men. And there's just as many women with weak relationship skills as men. So this idea that men are emotionally unavailable and you women are just a bunch of princesses that should just sit back in your feminine energy and be claimed. By the way, when I hear some of my contemporaries telling women to be claimed, I want you to think about that. Being claimed is basically saying you are property. That's an old terminology. And let me tell you, that ain't going to go over very well in the Me Too era these days. Or at least that's my perception anyway. So I think it's important to understand that the reason why it is hard is because we're swimming in a sea of strangers. This is why I continually recommend reading the book by Malcolm Gladwell, talking to strangers, what you should know about people you don't know. In fact, my whole private coaching program is all about pre-qualifying your prospect because the reality is, when you're meeting, I listen. I was listening to a dating coach on a TikTok video today and she goes, don't interview a guy on a date. Don't interview a guy on a date. Don't interview on a date. Just make it fun. Make it fun. Make it fun. Have a bunch of fun dates. What's your day doing? How's your day going? Did you have a good day? Folks, dating purely for fun sets you up for the biggest failure in your life because here's the problem. When you hyper-focus on chemistry and if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg, when your chemistry is the tip of the iceberg, when we hyper-focus on chemistry and attraction and romance, which is above the waterline, we're not paying attention to shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. You can have all the fun you want, but what happens is the minute you have sex with a guy, you get hooked and then you're fucked because you might find out that the two of you don't share the same values. You might find out your lifestyles aren't compatible or worse. This guy is completely, he's got issues with his ex-wife. He's got drama going on in his life. He's got, you know, he's still in love with his ex-wife or his ex-girlfriend. Do you really want to wait till you've been hooked for that to happen? But Jonathan, all the dating coaches told me to sit back and let the guy do all the work. Listen, you can do that. Sounds great. If you get lucky enough to date the emotionally healthy man, but let me tell you something, the vast majority of humans are ridiculously dysfunctional. And yet, it's funny, I say all this, and yet there's the, you know, it's funny. When it comes to love or healthy relationship, it's the broken clock syndrome. It's right twice a day. In other words, your odds are two out of 24 that it's going to happen. At best. That's at best. And it's funny because I was talking to my dearest friend the other day and he's in a relationship now going on. I almost want to say a year and a half. And he's genuinely, I mean, he's in love with her. And you know, I mean, to talk to him about it, and he's a true mensch. I mean, he is a mensch, you know. And I've got another friend who's getting married. And I've got another, I've got so many of my personal friends in great relationships. So I know it does exist. And I have now, by the way, if you listen to my last couple of broadcasts, I have four clients in the last 16 days and actually a new client. So I want to say five. She's brand new to my coaching program and she met really a great guy. I got to tell you, there's something about my coaching program. It's like, it's like the minute a woman makes an investment in the program, all of a sudden they become a magnetic attractor to great guys. And this one woman was just telling me what this guy has done by their fourth date and I'm in awe. I'm like, fuck, I want to marry this guy because it's not tinder, swindler romance shit. It's kind conscientious stuff. And he even said he'll read the book eight dates before they have sex. By the way, ladies, you know my rhetoric before the penis goes inside the vagina, read the book, eight dates by doctors, John and Julie Gottman, got to read it before you let that guy fuck you. I'm sorry, you may not like my words, but I'm trying to illustrate a point. Stop being so naive to this process and start being in charge of your relationship destiny. It is not the man, by the way, men are terrible at leading the process. We lead because we want to get laid. Sure. But after that, we're fucking cool. Most guys are clueless. They're winging it. They're winging it. They're winging it. They really are. And I want to just tell you to all listen, read the title of this book. Shut up, stop whining and get a life. This is a great book by Larry Wingard, but stop fucking complaining about the process and start taking charge of your destiny. Because that's what love would do. That's how love would respond. This is one of the reasons why I'm a big proponent of everyone doing personal development, self-help and spiritual work. If you haven't read my book, what the heck is self-love anyway? It's going to, it's going to prepare you. It's not a dating book. It's a book to prepare you for life so you can let this, you know, don't sweat the small stuff kind of shit and really tap into your heart. By the way, there's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me to get a copy of my, or to get my book and everything. So before I share these secret thoughts, I've been thinking a lot about commitment lightly. Do you know the definition of commitment in the dictionary? The definition of commitment. Well, let me backtrack for a second. I'll give you the definition in the dictionary, or at least in Google. But you know, it's interesting. Most women think of commitment as a safe place to land. That's where women tend to think of commitment as a safe place to land. Do you know the average dysfunctional guy thinks of commitment as a restriction of freedom? As a restriction of freedom. Isn't that interesting? Women look at it as a place, safe place to land. That's what it means to feel safe. And to guys, it feels like being tracked. Isn't that sad? Now I said dysfunctional guys. I literally know 20 men who are in awesome, juicy, delicious relationships. And when I look at the characteristics of them, compared to the shit show many of you are out there dating, they all had one thing in common. They were very intentional about wanting to be in a committed relationship. Ladies, I'm going to give you a hint here. Ask a man before you ever let that penis inside your vagina. Ask him, what does commitment mean to, ask him what it means to him? What does it look like? And I'm going to add a new one. Ask him what commitment feels like. I was listening to a video with John Gottman. He said, ask a man, what does commitment feel like? And pay attention. Because the guys who are dysfunctional will curl up. Oh my God, commitment. That's the last thing I want. But you want my fucking vagina? Ladies, I don't mean to make it about sex, but at the end of the day, the minute you have sex with a man, you bond with them. Oxytocin is released in your body, and then you're fucking stuck. Or worse, you chose someone like one of your parents to heal a childhood wound. In other words, how many of you ladies have daddy issues that were un... And listen, I'm not to disparage you whatsoever, but what I mean to say is you weren't loved by your father, so you choose men who will not love you hoping, daddy love me, daddy love me, daddy love me. That's the little kid inside saying, please love me. And by the way, we men have the mommy issue of wanting to be loved. Believe me, there's a picture of my mom and dad. My mom was, listen, lots of great qualities. And I'm totally gonna disparage her right now. But she was a slight borderline narcissist who used to emotionally abandon us whenever she got mad at my dad or one of my self or my siblings. And as a little kid, I'm like, mommy, why did you abandon me? And so I oftentimes chose women in my life that were also emotionally avoidant. This is why I have a little bit of an anxious attachment style. If you're not familiar with attachment style, I highly recommend checking out the book attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. But Jonathan, all you're doing is recommending books. Folks, you want to change your life for roughly 150 to 200 bucks on Amazon. You could probably buy all the books I recommend and you can fucking in one year, absolutely change your life. I didn't bring up the book. I've been talking to a client today about Brene Brown. If you aren't following Brene Brown, look her up, Brene Brown, daring greatly. This is the kind of shit you should be doing. Fuck that reality TV shit. Fuck the Instagram accounts and start working on oneself because if you want to be in a juicy, delicious relationship, then become the kind of person you want and become that so you can attract the guy you want. All right. Told you, I kind of ramble a bit before I get into the content. So let's talk about those six secret thoughts a man has. That's my note.