 Sheila we've got the heads of Warner on the phone. Thanks doll tits. That's not a knock on you I'm talking about the old-school Barbie. I like them thin in the waist and thick in the base if you catch my drift Gentlemen and mandatory woman Jonathan cross here. I have another billion doll hair chest buster for you Sorry, I got Barbie on the dick Jonathan cross on the horn. Look, we know what a big deal It was to get bbs down of justice on the silver screen and with the recent success of Aquaman and Shazam I want to tear it all down again go back to an ensemble picture for bbs to things are gonna get crazy fast Try to keep down because what I'm throwing at you's different. It's unique. This version is gonna be so crazy It's gonna make visionary director Zack Snyder's previous entry feel like a quick tug to a magazine from a kiosk at your local gas station film fades up to a nice cave deep underground somewhere in northern Shambala winter gear Batman is cuffed and pinned to a wall Made of ice a familiar face enters the fray walks down a frosted corridor It's Superman pulls off the cowl revealing. Yes, then fucking aflac. I got him back He signed on for this that flak says to him. I feel like we've done this dance before Bruce Wayne then wakes up from his dream slash Premonition and he finds out that some things haven't changed soups is still a D bag Even though the future and the location are a bit different Meanwhile a ripped Jonah Hill aka Green Lantern is having a space battle with the rest of his team He successfully records and transmits to the Amazonians a message of help and a warning sign for things to come Because Brainiac is coming to earth Brainiac is going to be played by Jesse Eisenberg and I know I know what you think he'd shut up Shut the fuck up. I know what you're thinking. I shut up. I know Jesse Eisenberg is already the perfect Lex Luthor We're gonna have him play double roles He's going to be Mike Meyers in this situation in Austin Powers if he can do it soak in the talented So can the surreal soak in the remarkable Jesse Eisenberg and not only is Eisenberg playing one character or two characters he's playing for With mr. Freeze and calendar man also in the lineup thought there might be a comment about calendar man being in there But okay, we're going full steam ahead Wonder Woman is everybody's favorite gal So we're gonna put even more focus this time in objectifying her my boy Weeden did an admirable job with Justice League trying to loosen that camera up a bit Scoop on behind Wonder Woman's ass give the boys something to look at it was fun. It was fair But I think we can go further I'd like to see a scene in this film where a Wonder Woman Connically loses all of her clothes and she has to run around in front of conveniently placed objects That have sexual connotations, of course once again a tip of the hat to Austin Powers, too Harley Quinn bad girl Catwoman cheetah girl not to be confused with cheetah girls Which was an ensemble power group featuring Raven Simone will also be present introduced in this picture Well, Harley Quinn's been there, so she's just gonna come back Hawkman played by Jesse Eisenberg Of course Robin Raven Craven Beast Boy Carly Ray Jepsen and Martian Manhunter round out the ensemble plot wise We're gonna go from cash use to full-blow nuts when the audience learns along with the characters in the film that soups Wasn't the only man mother boxed back to life. That's right Somewhere in that pool of ship semen dark side rises again That was his name right dark side. I was that ugly fucking teenage meanage turtle the last one Gilaak gonna break Lux Luthor out of prison and they're gonna team up with a whole bevy of characters We've got Scarecrow. We've got a killer croc son Murdergator we have Harley Quinn who's now been replaced with a younger actress And we're hoping that hardly anyone will notice I'm joking. I just wanted to use that pun after many epic battles spanning space earth and under the sea with Aquaman We are going to pull back the curtain for a reveal that no one's gonna see coming This was all fever dream for super girl That's right. She's in the picture. This is really a super girl story Oh, yeah, super girl is gonna be played by jesse isenberg as well We're gonna smash cut quickly to when super girl was a baby on the planet krypton with cal l He goes out one penis pod camera flies down the corridor. She goes out another Final scene of the film is going to be super girl slamming down to fight She's gonna be surrounded with her colleagues. You have zombie superman You have green lantern. You have a one-armed cyborg. You have a three armed beast boy. Don't ask shazam Shacks kazam shacks steel and just shack himself They all do a slow motion hero run at the camera credits come up We smash cut hard again wonder woman gets up naked, of course Sweating super hot. This whole thing was a fever dream for her a premonition She has toe war in the others. She says she goes over to the amazonian light Flips it around bad symbol in the sky. It's red gets the fans theorizing gets the blogs hungry Gets people tweeting gets people talking. We're gonna have a mid credit scene We're elfred played by jeremy irons again opens a locker grabs a sword and armor and says fine. I'll do it myself I don't even know what that means, but we're gonna put it in there Because he had one last time where he was talking to someone we didn't use that post credits post theater lights coming up Seeing features jerry ledo everybody's favorite joker back again in the tattoo chair This time he's getting a tattoo above the left ass cheek that says marvel sucks. It's gonna be great Kids are gonna love it dc You know forever and all that shit post credits post leaving the theater checking your phone and getting an instant message from the dce use slash warner brothers community That shows scarecrow had implanted the fever dream into wonder woman's head It was his plan all along. He's gonna be the main villain going forward. We have a picture Yeah, you're goddamn right. We have a picture. Sheila. Get eisenberg on the phone. He's got some work to do