 Good evening church family. Welcome to moments of Pastor David and Marie and it's so good to see all you guys joining us this evening And I'd like to introduce our guest, which is our guest every week Pastor David and Marie. How are you guys? We're good. Thank you, John. Good. It's good seeing you guys and I always want to You know start off the our time together is getting your feedback from the previous week of our services And so as we just had Sunday services You know beginning of the week or earlier the week It seems like there's this First service is a different number than second service and then it goes back and forth last Wednesday night We had a lot of people and so what's your guys's thoughts on how you're seeing the reception of our congregation so far and I think that the The church basically is showing me some of the response that I would have anticipated. I'm in communication with other pastors who have shared with me what they're seeing in the reopening of their churches and On on my part. It's pretty much what I've been hearing from others there There are those who have been anxious to return who have been wanting to be back and and are now so happy they're there and they came you know the first week that we opened with excitement and there are others who have kind of a wait and see attitude that they'll They'll come with a more comfortable and so I'm expecting that it's going to take some time for some of them to return and Also, they know that we're having limited seating. It's a safe distancing and all of that that we have to practice So I think that for some remaining home and and watching online Continues to be their option that they're exercising Hopefully that they'll understand that that they're able to be here and they'll They'll come personally And I do expect that that'll take place Hopefully soon and then we have others that simply were coming to church When it was convenient for them not necessarily being fed here not necessarily Supporting or being involved. They just showed up Unfortunately the whole church talking about the church in the United States seems to be filled with with that kind of belief system that complacency and Apathy there really is a lot of apathy unfortunately But again, that's what I was told by other church leaders that those are basically the three Divisions that they were seen in their own churches and I think by and large We're seeing something similar now the ones who are here the ones who are showing up are Are, you know excited and it's made the church Very joy filled place to be and for Marie and me it's It's a blessing it was almost three months that we were out of the pope that I was out of the pulpit Almost three months that Marie and I were not with a good portion of the church and that was very difficult But Now many are showing up. We're able to visit with many We're able to worship and hear the word together and we're happy. Yes. We're blessed. It's been good You do see it sense some hesitation at times, but then when the worship starts going and the word goes out It just seems like things are the way they need to be and so it's a good a good thing And so well today our topic church is going to be on intimacy we we've covered in detail communication We last week we covered budgeting tithing and finances and and today we'd like to cover intimacy Because often here pastor and Marie I often hear couples that would say we just don't feel connected and Oftentimes they have become have gotten into this place where instead of being Intimate with one another, you know intimacy has a number of different factors. There's emotional intimacy spiritual intimacy physical Intellectual so these different types of intimacies But I often hear instead of being intimate with one another They found themselves at parallel with each other and the danger of that is a Lot of different things. What would you say? in regards to that I believe that if you're going to have any kind of depth of relationship Excuse me, you have to be willing to take the The plunge if you will you have to be willing to to make the sacrifices that are necessary and You have to have a heart to there has to be Not only a willingness, but there has to be an acting upon that what you're willing to do and Intimacy in terms of communication and the variety of aspects as mentioned a moment ago It all begins with the willingness and then it also Continues with a Sacrificial attitude to to do as necessary to be willing to pay whatever the price may be All of that is wrapped up in in love, which is also I'd say packaged in in love You know that is trusting and so you have to trust the person you love them you trust them and you take the take the chance to step into and open up and share and It's it's it requires It requires a willingness on your on your part and it requires a value that you place on getting to know that person and The dividends for that are amazing, but the practice of it is over a lifetime It isn't something that you master immediately It's something that you work on daily and you refresh daily and you You know you simply exercise of this willingness to to expose yourself to to be Vulnerable it takes a wisdom to know who you should Open yourself up to Jesus himself according to John chapter 2 didn't Reveal himself to all men because John tells us because he knew it was in man So there needs to be a wisdom in all of that But if I asked this woman to marry me if I if I felt that this was The person that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and I want to have a good marriage I have to be very aware that it's going to require me to share my heart with her my dreams with her Feelings with her and all the things that that make up who I am My spiritual things that I I hear from the Lord about and and all the other things that make up this person called David David and Marie asked be willing my wife has to be willing to do the same and she has to trust me So I have to be a man worthy of her trust Because she's going to she's going to hand to me something that is greatly valued by her and if she hands me something that is is So treasured by her that she's nervous to even do that and then I misuse that and Or hurt her because of that You know, I'll just destroy Anything that we could have had so there requires a lot of I believe trust a lot of love and but it's all will I'm all will I'm willing to do that and Marie has been to whatever degree she's able to and that's made for good communication on a variety of levels with us And I think a lot of times people have this idea of what intimacy is they try to fit it in this box that it requires just the Sometimes a physical aspect of it, but pastor what you're hitting on right now our all components to To intimacy and it really begins with our spiritual intimacy with the Lord in order for us to be To say exactly what you're saying we have to have that spiritual intimacy with our Lord in order to provide the intimacy that we would need Would you guys say that? Intimacy looks different between a male and a female in a sense or Is it past or would that be considered a worldly view of intimacy? No, I believe that That any man who's been around for a while and any man who's been married for a while Can can understand that that we we think differently in many ways and We express ourselves differently in many ways You know first some speaking will say a physical intimacy When when a husband and a wife Have relationships, you know, there's that there's an entirely different kind of thing going on between that man and that woman a Woman very often You know sees the act of intimacy or love making and all of that as as more of a of a Surrender you're surrendering a yielding a Coming together in a deeply personal and intimate thing. It's not just raw sex for a man men think differently and You know for them it very often is this broken down into an activity and so I believe there's a lot of Men in marriage who who have failed to understand that a woman Is to be treated and cherished treated nicely tender-hearted, you know to continue to to romance her that for her intimacy very often is is is it begins with the words and For a man Intimacy very often begins with sight There are just two different ways of dealing with the same kind of thing So love making I've shared with our church actually begins in the morning We'll say When you wake up not so much when you're awakened But when you perhaps have a cup of coffee together or or you have a breakfast together It actually begins there and then it goes it expands during the day through various interconnections and You know feelings that you share and then it can be consummated Later that evening will say Because you led up to that and and that's all that's all part of what romance if you will Is made up of John it's it's I think it's doing a disservice to the fact that we're created In a wonderful way by the Lord I think it's a disservice for us to reduce ourselves to just animal impulse because Intimacy is much deeper than that. It's communication its sight its Tenderness its concern for the other person. It's made up of a lot of different kinds of aspects and But for some it may be just kind of like an act that any animal can do But that's not intimacy at all. That's just that's just that's just a physical active action So no, I I think believers Believers need to understand that some some don't understand that the most intimate thing that you do with your wife Isn't sex the most intimate thing you do with your wife is opening your heart up with her in prayer. Yes, that's It's when you pray It's when you you share your heart to God in front of this person that you're married to When you when you're revealing the inner person to her, you know, that's where intimacy really begins And so in your relationship with the Lord It really matters that you that you show your wife that there is such a thing and She respects that she grows to see you as a Loving man a man of God and that flows over into everything else into your communication and into your love making and into everything it flows over into that because she sees the complete person You know a person who's yielded to the Lord a lot of people don't know that John They really don't they they just put the activity of sex In in forefront, you know a man wants to be with that woman He'll say pretty much anything you think she wants to hear if he can bargain her into it or whatever He'll do whatever you can to conquer her and she just wants to be loved and cared for more Many times and so she's willing to hear what he says and things he's saying She thinks means that he really loves her when in fact He's he's been a hunter and he's figured out what it is that he can say to get from her what he wants And some women have been through that more than once and now they're married to a guy Who does the same thing as a married man same thing He can get mad at her and then bully her and demand from her and he can do the same thing she experienced before And and and and and she won't trust him because she discovered that the only value she really has Uh to him is is physical So intimacy is is much beyond that intimacy is is relational It's it's it's it's spiritual and it's expressed in the physical And again a lot of people have really failed to understand that I you know, you just mentioned Having that cup of coffee with with marie, you know, there's times that livi and I spend time When we can in the mornings before I come into the office and and the times that we spend in god's word or just talking over a cup of coffee is uh Sometimes it's even Greater than the act itself because it's as you mentioned pastor. It's just an ongoing Thing that you're opening your heart to one another and I've I'm learning that The intimacy is not just one act per se But an ongoing Connection that I have with the lord in order for me to have that connection with my wife and sharing that with one another You know, and so I'm learning that as well. It's it's uh, it's I don't want to say liberating But it's it has opened up doors for me to see that It goes beyond just what I would think intimacy would be in in a box In reality, it's spending time with one another Having a discussion with one another Being in prayer with one another sharing god's word with one another. Yeah I don't I don't really believe I've learned over time and again, it may be just unique to me as a man And not necessarily something that is transferable to others But I don't see I don't see intimacy As being something that is broken into just certain categories I'm not one who can compartmentalize things like that. I I'm more holistic in the way I think and and being a spiritual man a spiritual being created in the image of god everything works together and and so I see that to be true exactly what you said, you know, um You know, if you put too much value On the physical If you put too much value on that john, uh, you're really cruising for uh an accident because There's just there's just so many times you can go to bed with a woman and uh If all you want is a particular reaction that your body will give to you You're not valuing her as a person You're not going to grow together. You're not going to know each other You'll only know a physical aspect of that person. I'm not saying that's a bad thing to know We were created by god To to procreate and he made sex pleasurable Because if he didn't we probably wouldn't do it So he commands us to be fruitful and to multiply and he made it pleasurable to do so So that's the one command everybody seems to want to keep You know Because that's the fact But what happens what happens after you've you've broken through all those barriers you've gotten married You're now physically intimate and all those little wonder You know questions you had concerning all the things that you might have had In your mind prior to that magical quote-unquote moment of Of consummation of your vows Now what what do you have now? You know once once that satisfaction's over What do you have now and that's what people need to realize there's nothing wrong with Anticipation and excitement and and fulfillment and pleasure all of that is fine. It was created by god To to include those things But you know what once the activity is over you're still with that person and some people who were were The kind who who had no problem fornicated and all prior to marriage and prior to coming to christ and all You know, they they were guys who would or a woman for that matter who would be with someone for a little while You know spend the night get up in the morning and leave and not even think of calling them Not even think of any not even think of them again until they wanted some more action or activity with her, right? That's that's true. That's what a lot of people have equated as relationships And no, that's not what god has created us to do He created us to You know once that love making is over to continue love making in different ways And so that's just part of it. So Intimacy is something that in the lord. It's something that you pray about it's something you pray with your You're made about it's something that is is Is such an important aspect of humanity that it's the one sin when it's when sex occurs outside of marriage That god says your sin against your own body It's it's a very very important aspect of what it means to be human But if you're not if you're not Put in everything before the lord and handing it to the lord and it doesn't have to me to be some some You know some odd kind of thing where you're opening scripture and praying over it and All I'm all I'm saying is that if you honor and love one another If you treat each other kindly the way you're supposed to If you have a desire a heart to to give pleasure Not just to receive it You know to learn to die to yourself and everything and all of that's important Then you can have a physically intimate time But intimacy begins long before you're in a bed Intimacy begins in the During the day when you give her a call and say honey, I just want you to know. I love you It's when you see her come walking into a room and you you can't stop yourself from smiling And she notices that you're doing that because she's valued. It's all the little things That that is so important though, right that you would see that uh Mermi, what are something that you were sharing with us? It kind of ties into what we're talking about In in in your devotional book. It was you're sharing that the connection that we to have with the lord Which is kind of key of what we've been talking about so far of Having this intimacy with the lord will create a dynamic of intimacy that's ongoing With uh with in our marriages I don't know. Would you like to share what you came across? Well, I'm just I think that as women, um I mean I I mean, this is my husband. I'm married my husband. He's my my my love. I'm the rock He's my love and and being married in the lord being it as believers He shows me the affection that I want and it and jay talked about It starts in the morning. It starts. I mean, you know loving each other just we hold hands I love sitting next to him. I want to be next to him it's he and I and um and god created us to To love and cherish one another And I want to be the wife that the godly wife that ministers to my husband That's what we're all supposed to be that um There are those that don't have they don't have affection with one another and that's that's a very sorrowful thing for a marriage and and uh and um It works both ways The woman needs to be willing to give affection to her husband love him and and do kind acts for him and and feed him and all those all those things that were that god Brought us that the lord made us to do to be women who serve their husbands Love but not slaves, you know often They're not to be slaves um to a man and to um but they are to to be um To honor their husbands and a man needs to honor and cherish his wife. I think a lot of times they're not cherishing their wives and it and that's why you're not going to get any intimacy right and and that that It's not a good thing for a marriage And and your children you have children and the children see that and um And a lot of marriages get destroyed because they're they're not Together like god has called us to be together And to cherish each other and to love him and to put him first and the children need to know that god is god is to be in in our marriage I like when you both you said pastor that it begins in the morning over breakfast when uh, there's papa's conchorizo in the morning from my wife. I'm like it's gonna be a good day Well, you know what she's doing, right? What she's doing is this women I heard someone say I heard someone say Uh women are nesters. They like to build a nest And their husbands are just a bird that's in that nest And so what happens is They don't want that bird to fly away And so they feed it till he's so fat. He can't fly. You know, so that's where breakfast comes in That's where I'm at right now Tartillas, you know And I had a great example with my mama's have served. Oh, he served my husband and that's her husband I mean, sir. I'm sorry my mom Excuse me serve my daddy. She served my daddy And I learned that Serving absolutely, you know, that was something. Um You didn't have to tell me to get up and serve my husband. That's always been something that That we do and even my children as well my girls too. They know that that's there to serve their husbands and um But we both had parents that that loved their wives parents that loved each other and and um We're connected to one another so serving Is also one another it is an act of intimacy When I met marie, I mean I I had I only had met her once before And so now she's at the bible study for the second time and uh It was a small room that that only could sit about six or eight people very small room And we had the bible study your mom and dad eventually became part of that bible study But um, it was a small room attached to a small kitchenette kind of thing And marie could have couldn't have been more than uh 15 20 feet from me at the maximum And she was on the other side next to the refrigerator again. I had just met her The one bible study before and she's over there by the refrigerator So I always decided to play with her a little just to see how she'd respond And again, we don't know each other and I said to her I said marie and she turns she says yes I said I drink root beer. I said it like that. I said I drink root beer And she goes so what and I said I don't think you heard me I said I drink root beer And I just kind of looked at her and nodded my head like I just messing with her She goes to the refrigerator takes out a can of root beer Get some ice gets a glass opens up the can Pours the root beer in the glass with ice Brings it to me and hands it to me. She says here's your root beer. You're a highness You know, I'll never forget that She served me and later on when I was driving home with my sister You know, I couldn't help it but think about that I Little did I know that this was and I I believed it from the day I met her This is going to be my wife, but I thought that was just a thought I didn't know that that was really an inspiration from the spirit But little did I realize that that action of service When I had said her even teasing her which was insulting with purpose I intended to I was messing around with her But when she brought that glass to me Served me the way she did Later on I came to realize That's one of the things about her that made her A pastor's wife is a heart to minister a heart to serve Because that's what that's what ministry is a service Now to be honest with you john I I didn't carry the way I was just playing I didn't know her I was just trying to to get under her skin. I was just you know, that's the way I was But when she did that it was later on I realized That's a quality This heart of service and what she just shared about her mom And it's true a hundred percent true obviously and same was true for me I I never saw my mother sit down at the at the table when we ate dinner My mom never sat down my mom always stood next to the stove And she would turn and say to her her husband Frank do you need anything and my dad would say I'm fine or he'd say could I have whatever And mom did that marie's exactly the same way to this day to this day You know, she even last night when we were eating dinner She'll be standing somewhere in case I need something. I want her to sit with me. I like her next to me You know, I want her with me But she's just not geared that way and she if I want to get her mad And and on occasion I do I'll I'll get up from where I'm seated and the first thing she does is where you going And I'll say I'm oh, I'm gonna get I can get it. She'll do that. I can get that I'm right here sit down. You don't have to do that And see so that's all part of our relationship. But it's something I grew up with Now if she wouldn't have been that type of woman with me it would I'd have adjusted to whatever she is It wasn't something that I would have put on my list. She must feed me or that's something she chooses to do But in the way that she does that it makes me want to cherish her even more It makes me want to spoil her even more to be more for her because That that's what won my heart that that that kind of sacrifice that kind of love that kind of concern for me To be cared for all of that ties in that all ties into the other forms of intimacy all of that And it all springs from her walk with God It all springs from there, you know today there's You know like the word divorce is thrown around so easily today, you know and Vows that people had once made before the Lord are in a sacred Because there's almost like a tick for tackle if you don't Do this for me. I'm not going to do this for you and and I've and I've seen that intimacy Has also been one of those things that has been Dirtied Because if I'm not going to get intimacy from you then I will and then they can fill in the blank And whatever they can replace from that not realizing again that intimacy has so many different Components such as service to one another leading spiritually Spending time with one another That it's been come clouded and it's so easily thrown out there now that I don't feel connected Then what is it if if I feel that way with my wife? Then there's something I must look at myself To see because she may be giving me all the tell the tell signs of it. I'm just too blind to see it You know the dangers of that can be very very devastating, but I think people are selfish Yes very selfish And um, it's a give and take thing, you know, you give me I give you but that's it And that and that's sad to have a marriage like that I trust my husband I you know, and he trusts me And and we're together and me it's it's Marie and Dave or Dave and Marie, excuse me sorry Yeah, the two became one. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, why wouldn't I want to serve my husband? I'm a woman And why wouldn't I want to be served? I'm a man Isn't there a song like that? I'm not sure but um, but I it's it's hard for me to understand that John Because I know that my husband has my best interest I know and you know, I know that he does and I do as well with him And um, and uh, and we are to cherish one another It works both ways that wife and the and the wife and the husband it works both ways respect is is a is a big thing to hear women disrespect their husband in front of Other people especially is horrendous. But in front of your children, you're You're not sitting a good example And there's something wrong and it's called sin your sin nature has come out and we as women Yes Everybody gets angry at one point or getting to get mad at each other. You you know a little tiff really here and there You know or or what did you say or something? You know, it's amazing how little things lead to big things and leads to Uh Those who just disrespect one another the husband and the wife Disrespecting each other instead of cherishing and caring caring for each other And having their best interest And that's you know, that's really important in a marriage I don't understand it. I'll be honest with you. I I there are I don't understand a lot of different things. I should say that but I I don't understand a relationship where disrespect is so So common and over the years marie and I have have seen Some whom we've known and and loved to be honest with the judge who The woman has said something to the man or the man has said something to the woman and It's it's embarrassing. It's it's embarrassing to see the way they speak to each other And for them, perhaps they think it's normal and all To do that. But like marie's saying that the children Will learn to speak with disrespect for the father or you know vice versa the The woman speaking to the man in a certain way makes them think that's normal or the man speak to the woman The kids think that's normal. They bring that into their Their dating life relationship eventually they meet somebody who puts up with it thinks it's normal too and But in fact, it's not I I those are things that That I I I've never never been able to grasp I think from two for two reasons one Is though my mom was very ill And all of my life from the time I was small um My mom very infrequently over my entire lifetime infrequently though there were occasions that That I'd have to be honest to say that was a disrespectful thing for or to say or do 99% of the time my mother held my father in great esteem And uh and did show him tremendous respect And 99% of the time my father was the same with my mom They weren't even saved for the first 25 years of their marriage And so I saw I saw what the lord could do once he got hold of these people Who already had set a foundation Of love for one another and concern for one another and respect for one another And then I saw what the spirit of god could do in transforming people To be even more loving to each other So that was what I brought into my relationship with my girlfriend who became my wife And because my mom was very verbal My mom would tell you what was on her mind without you asking Because my mom was very verbal I came from a verbal background And so maria's never had to wonder where I was on any given subject It's a fact she knows she knows what I believe or think about Because I'm I've just this is it you're my wife, you know, I'll tell you there are times when I'll even preface What I say to her by saying something like this is between you and me and the lord Which is another way of saying I'm opening up my heart to tell you what's the deepest part of it This is between you me and the lord and he hears and so now I'm going to tell you And that's how I am with her and so She knows everything she needs to know Her things she'll never need to know there are things about her. I never need to know But she knows everything She needs to know and any day that I might have something new that she needs to know She's going to know and we've been doing that for many years where I I have practiced open-heartedness, you know I see that in christ. He opened his heart to his men I see that in the apostle paul when he tells the corinthians. I've opened my heart wide to you All I'm asking in return is that you open yours to me So I see that in scripture as a principle If I love this woman Then she needs to know who it is who loves her She needs to know my dreams. She needs to know Um senses of failure. She needs to know the fears that I deal with she needs to know who I am Because I determined when we began to date that she was going to know who I really am Not that guy that puts on Certain things because I was a hunter because I knew that if I listened long enough that that woman will tell me all the things I need to know To say That can win her She'll tell me if I ask her and they'll open up and oh so she likes this and she wants that So I can play that but I decided not to do that I decided not to do that even before I was saved Before I was saved. I said whoever gets to know me is going to know the real me But with marie it was by that time. It was a decision that was solid So she got to know the real david She got to know me over time Because I wanted to be known I wanted someone to know who I am someone who would love me enough to accept me I already had that in jesus But I wanted a human being who could do the same thing for me. This woman can So I tell her what's on my heart. I tell her what I think I tell her what I feel I'll tell her things that nobody else will ever know And and I safely trust in her she takes those things and she treasures them within her heart And she she she knows how to respond and she knows What not to respond to she knows not to lecture me to tell me Oh, you shouldn't feel these things because she knows that i'm a man who wants to do right by god So even if I say i'm feeling this she knows That i'm going to take it to the lord and and I've come to her many times over the years and said The holy spirits tell me that attitude is just wrong I don't want to be that and so she sees the process and she knows the heart and And that that's what makes our our marriage what our marriage is people know in this church That that that david loves marie people know that and they know that marie loves david I mean when we go to the woman's retreat and you know, I go and share the first The first teaching on friday night She introduces me and the way she looks at me when she introduces me Is telling everybody because they don't see this in us. This is unusual If they only see me up there or they see her what she does, but they don't see us together But when they see us together, I have them women will come up and tell me You know, I I can see the love you have for each other because it's obvious But even when she says this is my my husband I'm going to introduce pastor of calvary chapel chino valley. My husband She stares at me in that way that makes me know. I'm being loved and and john You don't just that doesn't happen. Just happen That is something that's fruit of effort and prayer Dying to self Working at you know wanting to be a hero to her wanting her to admire me Wanting to be a better man all of that comes because I have a good woman I have a good woman and a good woman will make a man who loves her a better man Because she deserves a better man because her love is that deep. I want to be worthy of it And that's not a works effort. It's an inspiration on my part It's like like we're going through second Corinthians and paul says to the Corinthians He says i'm going to use the churches of massedonia as an example to you Well, you know what I I think that that what she what she desires and needs And others may be able to do for their wife Provokes me to say i'm going to be the best thing in her life I'm gonna i'm going to be that example that others will say gosh, you know pastor david sure loves his wife And in that the church has a security right it does the church this this church Is not a church that's afraid that pastor is going to run off with the secretary Or or run off with some woman in in in the church That'll never happen this church knows that because I am a one woman man And she's a one man woman So this church is very secure at least pastorally and leadership wise very secure And um and if somebody tries i'll go after Some old woman You know as uh outside of christ when you have a wife that Truly completes you And believes in you what a gift from the lord Absolutely It's an amazing thing And it's a blessing for the church to know that we have role models so many people Look at you two as a role model for a lot of marriages. We do my wife and I do She's still trying to dial in the salsa But I know you could you go out and buy it my wife makes it There's a story church I was I rarely posted anything, but I had posts like carne asada or something And pastor david seen in the picture. There was something from garden mess And he respond it was it was a little tub of salsa Vassar wrote my wife makes my salsa Well, I I said how I you said oh, I get to have salsa Yeah, my wife bought it and and I wrote to you and I said my wife makes my I'm sure I'm sure your wife really appreciated that right, honey But what a An amazing thing to see that your intimacy throughout the years in so many facets Has shaped and molded your marriage into what it is today. It's just not this One act or this continuous act over the years It's something that's been worked on for so many years the the coffee mornings, right the Even in israel just the times you guys visited together I was they were able to see our groups able to see you guys together In israel and even now here being able to see you guys You see that it's a lifelong thing And it's not just Something that just happens as you mentioned pastor an activity that happens and then afterwards then what? It's something that's gone has I saw John if if I mean I As a kid as a young man I saw men who Showed the affection and stuff that And I don't show a whole lot of affection by the way Marie and I are not the kind who make out on the beach and stuff But all that makes us sick, you know, but Uh, I saw men who were openly affectionate, you know verbally as weak I saw them as weak I it was not something I ever wanted to be Because as a young man, I thought that That the man was to have a dominant kind of a strong Um Non-emotional Nonverbal he was the strong silent type. That's really what I believed My dad was that way My dad never said I love you my dad didn't I don't know that I ever and now that I say that I'm trying to think quickly. Did I ever see my dad say to my mother? I love you I don't know that I ever did I don't know that I ever did he may have Marie may have her dad No, but he he used to look at her in a really cute way When he'd come home or Smile she made He would smile a lot with her. Yeah, my mom made him smile a lot But dad was not one who say I love you My dad didn't ever tell me that I think in my entire life And he died when I was 51 years old 50 51 years old I don't believe my father ever said I love you to me more than three to four times in my life My father did not say that he would not say that he just showed it So I watched him, but I made a decision I said and I had to learn it because Marie would when we first got married She'd she'd actually teasingly say tell me you love me She would say tell me you love me or I'm not hanging up You know and and I didn't like that, you know You know, I've told you this before I really would say that listen. I've told you that Is there's something wrong with you? Why are you asking me this all the time? I really believed it because I'm real analytical people see the emotional side of me from the pulpit They see it because I open my heart But they don't realize you see this about me. I really think things through. I don't I don't just You know, I'm not an emotional decider. I'm not that guy and so with Marie. I didn't understand it and I would I I really would you know when we were newlywed I would say why do you ask me that If I didn't love you, I wouldn't have married you If I didn't love you, I wouldn't have asked you Why do you ask me that are you insecure? I didn't and I was I wasn't trying to be mean I was actually asking And it took a while John for me to realize That that love is something that you actually express with words I if some of you men right now need to hear this because love is something you express with words My dad expressed it with work He'd go to work in the morning. He'd bring home his check He'd give it to my mom. There was food on the table shoes on his kids You know a house with a roof over our head. That's what he would say I gave you a roof. I gave you food. I give you clothes That's how my dad was and those are things he said So that's what I tried to do But god taught me that my wife needs to hear things She needs to know my mama had adjusted to my dad. I'm sure he said I love you plenty when it was just them But not in front of us me I I came to realize now If this is something that makes marie Full makes her fulfilled makes her makes her Feel secure. Why would I keep that from her? Why why would I? Especially when I know it matters to her So john what you see now Is not what you would have seen when we were married for a year or even five years It took years for me to finally see that's not weakness that strength It took me years for me to to be willing to express to her The secrets of my heart. It was not overnight It was for years and I would give her some a small this or a small that of myself And I saw how she cherished it and protected it how trustworthy she was And the more I saw that the more I was willing to open and in all the years we've been together She has never used anything Anything that I've ever told her Against me. She's never I have never had her ever Say something that she knew What would hurt me? She's never done that job because I can trust in her and and a woman that you can trust like that a woman who's Who's heart you can safely trust in There are very few like that Because the men are afraid to say this is what I felt like this is what hurt me Men are afraid to because that woman sometimes will say it not only to him But she'll wait for the right moment where there are others That's what marie is referring to when she says women who disrespect their husbands I've seen it. I've been there I remember a guy who told me one day my wife calls me a name whenever she's She's bugged by me and it we're there and and she goes like like she didn't and 30 minutes later we're walking with them and he says something to me And she turns and says exactly what he told me she will do when she's irritated right in front of me And I looked at marie and I said And later on I said, well, I guess that was true. You know what I'm saying? No We we we don't put we don't put on john We we don't intend in other words to be role models for anybody We don't we don't go out and say look at we're going to be this way So people will no we just are So I don't have to act. I don't have to say all people are watching me because pretty much and this is the truth. Believe it or not Um, I'm pretty much this way when we're by ourselves She's this way when we're by ourselves. This isn't something we're doing in front of people. This is something we are This is something we are. I mean when we're having our coffee. We're open up. We open our hearts. We talk This is the way that's why it's so easy to do this for us. This isn't something we rehearse And say oh, we're gonna have to this is who we are Which is intimacy. It's just way. We are together. Yes. Yeah, it's worth it It's worth it. I have I have my my eye on the prize john I have my my knowledge that every day with her is one less day on earth One less day on earth every day. I'm alive is one less day. Yes. I know that I know it more now than I've ever known it and so I'm making every day count Every day count because she's going to have the best, you know, like the eagles would say the best of my love That's an old lot of young people don't know what that means. Good. It was great music Yes, well you guys, thank you so much. That was uh, very informative very very heartfelt and very practical To hear that uh, even after so many years that you've been married At the work of intimacy isn't just limited to one specific thing, but many other different things That make the marriage so much more beautiful. Absolutely. And so thank you guys so much Was there anything you guys like to share with the church? Yeah, come come to church. We're missing you You know, some of you are afraid we respect that we understand that Um others are lazy. I'm speaking to you lazy You need to come there's room for you in church We're making sure to be safe distance and all of that We're prepared for that in a couple of weeks. We're going to begin our children's ministry once again I'll letting you know in advance. You're the first to hear this although, um You know, I will be mentioning it for our midweek service So they're going to hear it live, but you'll be hearing this. I'm saying it to you first We're going to be meeting and having our children once again meeting with us We we I was just praying in the In the sanctuary asking the lord fill up these these seats with people Not so that we can have a humongous church But because we have a humongous god that I want to fill your hearts and we're in the word together and we're worshiping I have to tell you worship has been amazing and this upcoming sunday this sunday We're going to do some of the easter music that we were unable to do Um this last easter you're going to love it. It's going to be exuberant exciting I'm looking forward to it. And so show up come, you know, throw you a little mask on if you want But be with us, please come come come to church. Come on