 The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with, I Want to Wrap You Up. You know, I was thinking the other day that probably the most popular dessert of all down through the years has been fruit. Yes, juicy ripe fruit still warm with a tang of sunny berry patch or orchard. Easy to see then, isn't it why Jell-O is such a universal favorite? As this famous dessert, ladies and gentlemen, has a rich, exhilarating flavor that's tasty and tempting as the real fresh fruit itself, extra rich and extra delicious. Jell-O, as everybody knows, comes in six grand flavors, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. And you can serve them in dozens of delightful ways. Jell-O just plain is about the nicest dessert ever, or, for variety, how about Jell-O cut into tiny shimmering cubes or a smooth, creamy Jell-O whip that simply melts in your mouth, or a gay color combination of strawberry and lime Jell-O molded into brilliant contrasting layers. You'll want to try them all, so tomorrow, pass on the word to your grocer. Just say, Jell-O please, and believe me, it will please, too. Look for those big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O. I want to wrap you up played by the orchestra, and now folks, once again, we bring you that genial personality who guides the destiny of this program, a man I am proud to be associated with, and whose friendship I shall always cherish, that grand artist, Jack Benny. Thank you, thank you. Jell-O again, this is Jack Benny talking, and Don, that introduction was very sweet. Even if there are only 12 more shopping days till Christmas, I know you were sincere. You meant every word of it. I certainly did, Jack. What do you think I am, a dodo or something? You know, Wilson, every year at the same time, you and the rest of the gang bring out that banana oil and loosen me up into buying presents. I'm wise. But Jack, I honestly meant that introduction. There's no denying it. You are a grand artist. Well, make me grand in April sometime. Then I'll believe you. I know what's going on. Say, Jack. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello. Say, Jack, when is Christmas this year? December 25th, Mary, same as every year. Oh, then they didn't, uh... No. Oh. No. And, uh, incidentally, Mary, I know it's two weeks before Christmas, so don't try patting me on the back like Don. What do you mean? I mean, don't tell me how marvelous I am. Just be yourself. Why, Jack, Benny, how can you talk like that? When did I ever say that you are anything but a sweet, lovely, adorable person? Yipe! Mary, right now you're calling me an imbecile, expecting me to believe that. Well, Jack, sometimes you seem to have an inferiority complex. You always imagine that people are running you down. I imagine. Yes, you jump at conclusions. If I happen to say you're a heel, you always take it the wrong way. Well, how else can I take it? A heel is a heel. You set us. There you are, Don. I imagine things, eh? Oh, and here comes another one of my pals. This guy's nuts about me. Hello, Phil. Hello, baby. How's my favorite comedian? As if you cared. You see, folks, all of a sudden, I'm his favorite comedian. I mean that. Honest, Jackson, you're funnier than I am. I better be, Phil, or we'll all be working at no cover charge. This gang is so subtle. Every year's the same thing. Just before Christmas, they respect me. And right afterwards, I'm in the dog house. What are you laughing at? From sir to cur in two weeks. That's it, exactly. Well, it's your own fault, Jack. For those cheap gifts, you always give us cheap. Yes, last Christmas, you gave me a meal ticket for the Melrose Grotto. Well, the food is very good there. Anyway, Mary, wait till you see what I picked out for you this year. Are you in for a surprise? What is it, Jack? I'm not going to tell you. Oh, come on, give me a hint. Okay, see if you can guess. It comes in a little box, and when you take it out and put it on your finger, it shines like anything. Holy smokes, nail polish. All right, Smarty, if you're so clever, what shade is it? I guess I'll have some suspense around here. Hey, Jackson, what are you going to give me this year? I don't know, Phil. I just can't decide whether to get you a convertible sport roadster with a custom built top and nickel-plated fittings, or have your shoes half-sold. I'll think it over. I wish you would. I don't know whether to get a driver's license or go barefoot. No, you don't. Hey, Phil, why don't you do something about that cold? He's very horse, folks. He slept in a drafty gutter last night here. And now, folks, come in. Special delivery for Mary Livingston. Here I am, boy. Give him a tip, Jack. Okay. There you are, young man. Oh, boy, a quarter. A quarter? Thanks, Mr. Benny. Hammy my glasses, will you, Don? Well, Mary, who's the letter from? My mother. Oh, well, let's hear what Nanatchka has to say. Okay. My darling daughter, Mary. Just a few words to let you know that I am feeling well and that I received your cute little check last week. Cute little check? I put the cute in. Oh, it was a little check. I see. Go ahead. Please send me another one and don't spare the zeros. Boy, what a gold digger. We had quite a crowd at the house for Thanksgiving dinner, including your cousin Lou and his wife Ruby, your sister Babe and her husband, and your uncle American Beauty. Your uncle American Beauty? Yeah, he's got a rosy nosey. Oh, and I paid a quarter for this. Go ahead. Among those unable to attend were Clark Abel and Carol Umbard, Robert Taylor and Barbara Stanley. All right, Mary. Your mother doesn't have to rib me. Go ahead. The dinner was simply marvelous. We had a great big turkey, which was delicious, which your brother won in a raffle, which he ran. Oh, boy, what a family. Well, at least we're not dull. Oh, you're a riot every one of you. Oh, Jack, listen to this. What? Your sister Babe's husband, who is always inventing things, has almost perfected a new bulletproof vest. A bulletproof vest? I say almost because he tried it out on your late uncle Welley. Oh, my goodness. Anything else? Must close now. As your father just walked in, he is on all fours as usual. No other news. Your loving mother on the cob Livingston. Oh, fine. What an ax he and Harris could do. P.S., I like your new tenor, Dennis Day, and his mother is simply wonderful. I think it's a crime the way Jack picks on her. I pick on her. Well, don't argue with the letter. Well, that's the nerviest thing I ever heard. Oh, Phil. What is it, Jackson? Do you think you can follow a red hot mama with a hot number? Sure, I'll follow anything. There's an answer here, folks, but it's too obvious. Play with it. That was O.Johnny played by O.Brother and his orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, tonight we will continue with the football murder mystery, which we started last week. That pigskin mellow drama entitled The Murder of Dynamite Dugan, or He Kick the Bucket When They Kick the Ball. Now, in episode two of our drama, I will play a double role. That of the coach, Flash Benny, as portrayed in imitably by myself last week. And also that brilliant sleuth who solves the crime this week, Detective Captain O. Benny. Why don't you play all the parts and let us go home? Phil, the only reason I'm playing a dual role is because I'm the only one who is capable of handling it. I'm the only real actor in this group. If you're such a good actor, how come you never play dramatic parts and pictures? Dramatic parts. I've been asking Paramount that for years. That's when I need those Charles Lawton roles. Oh boy, what a job I could do as Henry VIII. Why not? You eat like them. Listen, Mary, fingers were made before forks. And besides, you don't have to comment on my table manners. They're all right. Go on. I saw you in a restaurant the other day and you were fanning your soup with your hat. Well, it was hot. Why didn't you blow on it? Phil, blowing is for coffee. Now, in our mystery drama tonight... Speaking of table manners, ladies and gentlemen, never use a knife and fork in eating jello. Well, who would? You would. Just take a spoonful, raise it to your lips, and you will taste America's most tempting dessert. It is economical, easy to make, and comes in six delicious flavors. Now, in our mystery drama tonight, as I said before, I will be that brilliant sleuth who solves the crime, Detective Catten O. Benny. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. Oh, pardon me, Don. I thought you were through. Now, Mary, you're going to be a beautiful young co-ed who was madly in love with the victim, Dynamite Dugan. It's a very emotional part. Do you think you can handle it? Sure. Oh, Dynamite, Dynamite, why did you leave me? Why did you have to die? I loved you, Dynamite. Loved you, loved you, loved you. So look for the big red letters on the box. Don, for heaven's sake. Next week, we're going to rehearse this program. Anyway, Don, in our play, you're going to be my assistant, Sergeant Wilson. And, Dennis. Yes, please. Oh, I... I didn't see you, Dennis. Have you been here all the time? Yes, sir. Well, why don't you speak up and say something? I couldn't think of anything funny. I shouldn't stop you around here. Well, that's so. Now, Dennis, in our play tonight, you're going to be my other assistant, Officer O'Day. And, Phil, as much as I hate to do this, and only as a last resort, you're going to be a college professor, the dean of Flatfoot University. What do you mean as a last resort? I mean, Phil, that allowing you to play a college professor for this one night may undermine the entire educational system of the United States and Canada. That's what I mean. And now that we're all cast, this play will go on immediately after Dennis Day's song. Go ahead, Dennis. Hold on a minute. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny, this is Rochester. Well, what do you want? Should I come down and pick you up in the car? No trouble at all, boss. No, Rochester, I'm going to stay downtown for quite a while tonight. Well, can I fix you a little snack in case you're hungry when you get home? I'll be glad to do it. Now, Rochester, I know what you're up to. You've been acting like a little angel all week. My, my, it's Christmas coming so soon. Sure, I knew you'd give yourself away. You don't have to act so nice, Rochester. Your Christmas present is bought already. It is. I wonder what it can be. Well, all I'm going to tell you is it's a very practical gift, and you'll enjoy pushing it around on the rug. But, boss, you gave me a vacuum cleaner last year. Well, this is the latest model. Instead of an ordinary hum, it plays shoot the dust to me, John Boy. It's a lovely tune. I don't care if it plays Memphis blues, it ain't going to trick me. Never mind. And by the way, Rochester, how's Trudy? Oh, she's fine, boss. Trudy? Yes, that's that ostrich I bought by mistake for Thanksgiving. I'm keeping her for a pet. So Trudy's all right, eh, Rochester? Yeah, but you know, boss, I don't think she likes Carmichael. What do you mean? She just laid a big egg and threw it right in his face. Oh, that's terrible. But he got even with her, though. You know that bucket of sand, the ostrich always sticks her head in? Yes. Well, Carmichael put glue in it. Glue, well, for heaven's sake, did you get her head out of the bucket? I sure did. And say, boss, remember how long her neck was? Well, you can skip rope with it now. Well, look, Rochester, keep those two separated and I'll be home in a little while. So long. So long. Oh, say, boss. What? Would you mind bringing my salary up to date so I can buy you a Christmas present? Don't worry about your salary. Dog gone, if I had brains, I'd quit this job. What? What did you say? Did I say it? I was only thinking it. So long, boss. What a guy. To hear him talk, you think I owed him six months' salary. To hear you talk, you think you didn't. Quiet, Ms. Livingston. I haven't got that nail polish wrapped up yet. Sing, Dennis. I see lies. The Lilocks in the Rain sung by Dennis Day and Dennis, your vocal, was simply beautiful. Gosh, I could almost smell the Lilocks. What about the music? That too, Phil. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for the second episode of our college mystery thriller entitled Murder on the Gridiron, or Mr. Dugan Goes to Forest Lawn. Now, the opening scene of our play is the office of Captain O'Bennie at Police Headquarters. It is 4 p.m. Curtain Music. Hello, Police Headquarters. Captain O'Bennie speaking. What's that, Madam? You want a policeman to come to 118 Elm Street? What's the trouble? Oh, you just want a policeman. Okay, goodbye. Oh, hello, Sarge. Hello, Captain. How are things going? Not so good, Wilson. There's so much crime in this town, I had to buy a trailer for the patrol wagon. And incidentally, Wilson, I wish you take off a little weight. Every time you inhale, a button pops off your uniform. It's annoying. There goes another one. And you, O'Day. Yes, please? You're a fine cop, too. Last week, you helped a burglar carry a heavy safe out of a building. Well, he said it would give me muscles. Well, there must be some other way to get them. What a policeman. Where are your handcuffs? Right here. Well, take them all if they're for criminals. I'll tell you one thing, men, if we don't... I'll take it. Hello, Captain O'Bennie speaking. What? I'll be right over. Goodbye. Oh, boy. What's up, Cap? The Dean of Flatfoot College just called me up and told me that their star fullback, Dynamite Dugan, was running down the field with a ball, just now in their annual game with Meatball Tech, and he only had 10 yards to go to make a touchdown when all of a sudden, a person or a person's unknown fired several shots into his body, killing him almost immediately in the presence of 80,000 spectators, and the score was 103 to 97 in favor of Meatball. Boy, did that guy talk fast. Come on, men, let's go. Where are we going? We're going out to pick berries, so wear some old clothes. Where are we going? We better step on it, Cap. There'll be a lot of traffic around the stadium. You're right, Wilson. Let's get started. We'll go to the Dean's office first. You drive the car, O'Day, and don't spare the cylinders. I'll solve this crime, or my name ain't... All cars, owing all cars, football player murdered at Flatfoot College. Go there immediately. Officer Murphy will now sing when Irish eyes are smiling. When Irish eyes are smiling, this church is like the morning spring. Shut that off. That guy near as good as that quartet they used to have. Step on it, O'Day. Well, here we are, men. Now, here's the Dean's office. I'll go in and grill him. Stick with me, O'Day. Yes, sir. And Wilson, you surround the building. Right, O'Cap. But I can't understand it. I won't see it. I won't see it. I won't hear it. I didn't have it. All right, quiet, everybody. Quiet. Break it up. Which one of you is the Dean? I am Captain. Professor Harris is my name. Pleased to meet you, Professor. Now, tell me, what do you know about the murder of Dynamite Dugan? Nothing at all, Captain. However, I feel it must have been someone with an interior motor. That's ulterior, Professor. Now, where were you at the time of the murder? Down in the Medianator Biddy-Poo. Don't get smart. So you... So you're the head. You're the head of this college, eh? Only days at 90s the janitor. Well, who's this Dean? I'm Toots Livingston, Dynamite's girlfriend. Oh, so your sweetheart was murdered ten minutes ago, eh? Well, I've got a new boyfriend, if that's what you mean. Oh. Make a note of that, O'Day. Why, is it me? No. Now, listen, young lady, if you were Dynamite's sweetheart, what are you doing here in the Dean's office? I didn't know my lesson, and he kept me after school. Oh, he did, eh? Sure, if they don't know the lessons, I gotta learn them. I'm talking to Toots. How do I know he kept you after school? Look at that blackboard. He made me write Wilshire Bowl a thousand times. Oh, yes. Well, I'll get to the bottom of this murder. Pardon me. May I go now? Wait a minute, Junior. Who are you? I work here. You work here? Yes. I'm a Professor of Pange and Quilfrobertole. Professor of what? That's a study of Ralph's Fram, continue to get through to it. Cascambol de Pange, and Forks de Papato, and Political Science. Make a note of that, O'Day. How do you spell Ralph's Fram? Capital Rump, Elk, Grimm, Samp, Double Tran, and Vee-Doo. You got that? Softly. Good. Now listen, everybody. I want you to come with me. Where are we going? There's an old saying that a murderer, a murderer always returns to the scene of his crime. It never fails. So follow me, everybody. We're going out to that football field and wait for the man or woman who committed this dastardly crime. Do I have to go along? Yes, Dean, you too. But I'm lecturing tonight on psychological research in the field of hypothetical relativity. Pay me. Here you are. What's that for, Cap? I bet him $5. He couldn't read that. Now come on, everybody. We're going to that football field. And I'll find the murder of Dynamite Dugan, or my name ain't... Four days later. Don't be impatient, fellas. A murderer always returns to the scene of his crime. Ten months later. Don't worry, fellas. We'll get him. A murderer always returns to the scene of his crime. 35 years later. And our little group is still waiting on that football field. Well, we're still here. But don't worry, fellas. A murderer always returns to the... How does that darn thing go? To the scene of his crime, you old goat. Dog gone up. This is the hardest case I was ever on. It ain't any harder than your arteries. I wouldn't talk far with you, Professor Harris. Your face is so full of wrinkles it looks like a prune that worried. Hey, wait a minute. Am I going crazy? Look, that's the first time I ever saw a gray grass. That's your beard. Reel it in. Oh, yeah. Hey, Officer O'Day, why don't you say something? Death of the post, folks. Well, we got to stay right here until we solve the murder of... Dynamite Duggan, you old quince face. Oh, yes. We got to find out who stabbed him. He wasn't stabbed. He was poisoned. Poisoned? You're both wrong. He was shot. He was not. He was too, because I had done it. What? You killed Dynamite Duggan? You're a darned duke in the dead. Duggan, why didn't you say so sooner? You didn't. Bask me. Well, I'm glad we got the right man. Slap the handcuffs on him, O'Day. Hey. I said slap the handcuffs on him. I can't get him off. Well, don't bother then. I've known this fella for 35 years. Yes, I can trust him. Say, Tuss. What do you want? During all this time, I've got a kind of crush on you. How about you and me getting married and settling down? Nothing to do, and I want to have my fling first. Well, step on it, gal. You ain't no flapper. Come on, O'Day. Let's go back to the office. There might be some mail. Play, boys. During the holidays just ahead, there's one grand old-fashioned American treat that everybody goes for. Rich, spicy, tempting mincemeat. Yes, sir. It's a traditional American favorite. And tonight, I'm going to tell you about a new way to enjoy it. In a swell recipe called Jell-O Mincemeat Mold. Spicy mincemeat molded with rich, glowing cherry jello in the grandest combination you ever tasted. And here's how you make it. First, dissolve one package of cherry jello in one and three-quarter cups of hot water and chill until slightly thickened. Then add one cup of mincemeat to one-half the jello mixture and chill until firm. For the rest of your clear jello on top of your firm jello and chill, and what a treat. Rich, red cherry jello with its real Christmas color, and inside that shimmering mold, the tangy, luscious mincemeat. Serve it plain or with foamy whipped cream on top. Either way, it's a real dessert triumph, so try it soon. Your grocer has that cherry jello all ready for you. And I know your family are all ready to enjoy this cheerful Christmas dessert, Jell-O Mincemeat Mold. Last number. This is the last number of the tenth program in the current jello series. And we will be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. I hope you all like our little murder mystery. You know, Jack, you play an old man's character very well. You'd never know you were acting. Thanks, Mary. Were you? Oh, quiet. Good night, folks. Here's news. Every Tuesday night, the Allridge family is on the air, starring Ezra Stone as Henry Allridge, that lovable, hard-luck kid. Consult your local newspaper for time and stations, and be sure to tune in the Allridge family next Tuesday night. This is the National Broadcasting Company.