 The Herald Perry Show Herald Perry as Honest Herald the Homemaker well it's a wintry afternoon in the little town of Melrose Springs the kind of a day when it's pleasant to bask in the warmth and comfort of home and that's where we find Honest Herald in a nostalgic mood as he's looking through his high school annual. Well this annual sure brings back old times. Melrose Springs High Class of 27. Here's a picture of the camera club taken on the front steps of the school and who's this little kid on the end with a pompadour? Looks like a frightened porcupine. That's me. What are you doing Harold? Hello mother just looking at my picture here in the high school annual. Let's see. Oh yes. Why Harold you haven't changed a bit. Zef? You are the handsomest boy in your class. Oh thank you mother. Glad you think so. I'll never forget graduation night. I was so proud when you sang the class song. Farewell Melrose High. Oh yeah that's right. I wrote that too. Let's see how did it go. Farewell to the oh Melrose High. The time has come to say goodbye. Farewell to our principal Sophie Turner. We'll miss the classrooms and Bunson Burner. Yes Harold. When you sang that there wasn't a dry eye in the audience. It got me too mother. I had a soggy necktie the rest of the evening. Oh here's the class prophecy. Let's see what it says about you Harold. Let's see. Harrison, Hartzell, Hemp. Here I am. Some night in 1935 we'll tune our radios to the big city just to hear that famous singing star Harold Hemp. Well that prophecy sure didn't come true mother. Well you could have gone to New York and been a big success if you wanted to Harold. Well. But I'm sure you're much happier right here with your old friends all the people you grew up with. Yeah guess you're right mother. Anyway look at Marvin Hartzock. He's the fellow that went to New York. The only one. Nobody's ever heard him since. Poor Marvin. Probably got some terrible job back there. Like pie checker at the Automat. He should have stayed right here Harold. Well he might have become almost as big a success as you. I'm not so much mother. Just a crooner on a small radio station. Oh you have a beautiful voice Harold. Why if you wanted to you could have Bing Crosby worried about his job. Well I wouldn't want to do that mother. Bing has a big family and he needs the money. Well the blue of the night meets the gold of the day. Mother's right. I was smart to stay in Melrose Springs. After all I'm a big success here. Everybody in town knows me. Good morning Mrs. Proudfoot. Good morning Mrs. Probably didn't see me. Wasn't wearing her bifocals. Hey look at that big car parked up there. Green town and country Chrysler must belong to some wealthy out of town. Probably a salesman for had a call. Wonder who he's calling. Hey you in the green galoshes. We can go out. That's me. Were you calling me sir. Yeah come here. Yes sir. Say I'm looking for someone maybe you can help me out. Oh of course I know just about everybody in town. Who are you looking for. Well you ever hear of a corny small time radio performer named Harold Hemp. Let's see a corny small time what. Hi Harold Marvin Marvin. In the flesh. Well I thought you were in New York. Oh I keep a penthouse there. Penthouse. Then I have a summer house up in Vermont. What do you spend your summers. Well I have a tent in the backyard. Army surplus. Well I had to come out this way to attend a big stockholders meeting thought I'd drop in take a look at the old bird. Well Marvin you've certainly changed. You haven't. You still look like a frightened porcupine. You look pretty prosperous Marvin. Gabardine overcoat. Guess you've done pretty well. Yeah. Made it on the curb Harold. The curb. Well I guess we wait there long enough something will come along. Yeah I'm still the same old Harold Marvin. Same old jokes too. I'd like to kick in his sidewall tunnels. Harold how can you stand at living in this one horse town. What do you do for excitement around here. Excitement well every Wednesday night we have bingo at the Bijoux. Last week we had the giant jackpot. Seven dollars and forty cents. Oh why don't you shake yourself loose and take a crack at the big town. Who knows you might get into television. Well I don't suppose you have television in Melrose Springs. Well we have the same thing. Old movies. I guess you'll always be a hero. I despise people with funny laughs. Well I'm driving back to New York tomorrow. If you change your mind want to go with me just give me a buzz. I'm at the Antler Hotel. Buffalo sweet. Oh yeah. Thank you very much Marvin but I don't. So long. Bingo at the Bijoux. Big city smart Alec. Think I'll go home and cut his picture out of my annual. Well fine. I ran into a heart sock. Billy goat. Now I feel like a failure. No I'm not. Got the kind of success I want. Friends. A lot of loyal fans. Charge account at gallon camps. Everybody loves my voice. Hello Harold. Doc and his horse and buggy. It's a one horse town all right. It's a horse. Hey Sinatra. I was just talking to one of your radio fans. She said she likes your singing better than Perry Comal. She does. Well who is she Doc. My horse Silver Moon. Some fan. What's that Silver Moon. Oh isn't that sweet Harold. She wants you to autograph her hay bag. Wonder if I have any two legged fans. Howdy boy. Oh hello Pete. Hello Marshall. Hi Harold. How's easy old Pinscher today. Another comic. Oh say we heard your radio program down to jail this morning Harold. Really made my prisoners feel good. It did. Yeah. They said if that's what it's like on the outside they'd rather stay on the inside. OK. They'd rather be laughing on the inside than crying on the outside. Even Silver Moon is laughing at me. Marvin is right. I am a failure. Well I'll see you later. Oh what's the matter. We didn't mean to hurt your feelings boy. It's all right. After all what am I just a small time corny radio performer. Why. Why. You're the most popular man in Meridot Springs. You sure are and your program is wonderful. And we're proud to be your friend boy. And so we're Silver Moon aren't you girl. Silver Moon's licking my face. Who's got a fountain pen. I will autograph her hay bag. Good old Pete and Doc. But friends like that who wants to go to New York. Well I think I'll drop in the Dancing Academy and see if Theodora's in. She wouldn't want to go away and leave Theodora. Well pretty door chimes. She must be in the ballroom. Theodora. Who is it. It's Haroldy Waraldy. I'm. Coming. That's cute. They think I'll act like I am going to New York. Get her to kiss me goodbye. Hello Harold. How's my little cinnamon roll. Cinnamon roll. Well I do feel kind of spicy. Theodora. Yes. There's something I have to tell you. Harold you sound so serious. What's the matter. Theodora. I don't know how to tell you this. I'm thinking of going to New York. You're going to New York. I'm just wasting my talents here in Melrose Springs. You mean you'd go away and leave your little dancing teacher here all alone. Well I might. Never see you again. She's putty in my hands. Theodora. Guess you better give me something to remember you by. Something I can treasure. All right. I give you a pair of my old castanets. That wasn't quite what I had in mind. Theodora. What do people usually do when they're saying goodbye forever. Oh they kiss. She got it. Theodora. Let's sit here on the piano bench and pretend we're saying goodbye at the station. The train's just pulling out. You give me a goodbye kiss. Well all right. Theodora. Yes. I missed that train. Let's keep kissing till the next one pulls in. You're wonderful. Theodora. I'll never forget you. You're a sweet as the red rose in jewel. I do. We'd wonder sweetheart who's closer. Out of a blue sky. A dark cloud. Do you think so. Theodora. How about kissing me goodbye again. Harold. Are you really going to New York. Of course not. But it's your fun saying goodbye. New station KJP. You look cute in lipstick. Lipstick. Oh. I was playing a little game with Theodora. Gloria. I told her I was going to New York and she kissed me goodbye. Say I wonder if that would work with my dear boss Stanley Peabody. You want him to kiss you. No. He thought I was going to leave. He might get scared and give me a raise. Certainly worked with Theodora. But Theodora and Stanley are different. You said it. I'll go in and see Stanley right now. See you later Gloria. Good luck Harold. I'll bet this will work. Stanley wouldn't take any chances on losing a valuable man like me. I wonder if I can get my raise retroactive last Saturday. Come in. It's you. Yes sir. Stanley I've had an offer to get. Don't stand so close to my desk. You're breathing on my name plate. What a sneaky fella. Stanley. I'm drinking my yogurt. Sounds like water running out of a dishwasher. There. Now what is it with him. Well Stanley I just came in to tell you I'm thinking of going to New York. What. What would you do in New York. Well I'm sort of wasting my talents here in Melrose Springs. I might become a big star back there. I'd look pretty handsome on television. I see. I could probably get a contract for fifty thousand dollars a year. Fifty thousand dollars. Yeah. Of course I hate to leave you Stanley. So if you want to persuade me to stay by giving me a raise say four and a half dollars a week. What's the matter. Fifty thousand dollars a year. How ridiculous. And you'd look handsome on television. Why I've seen kinescopes better looking than you. That's an insult. Now look here Stanley you know what I ought to do. I ought to walk right out of here. I ought to go to New York and leave you flat. All right hemp. I hope you have a nice trip. And when you get there drop me a postcard. But Stanley. Would buy him. I'm sure you'll make a big splash in New York. Big splash. I feel more like a little grip. For the second act of our story honest Harold in just a moment. Some swell music making and a good stiff fight run the docket for CBS listeners later this evening. Tony Arden will be on the Bing Crosby show with some of her very special kind of singing. And she'll be joined on Bing's guest list by three outstanding popular musicians Louis Armstrong Jack Teagarden and Joe Venuti. Later Russ Hodges blow by blow account of the fight between light heavyweights Bob Murphy and Henry Brim in Detroit will be heard on most of the same CBS stations. And now back to Harold Perry as honest Harold the homemaker. Well the best laid plans of mice and honest Harold sometimes go wrong. When Harold threatened he was going to New York he thought his boss Stanley Peabody would give him a raise. I sure did. Instead Stanley is practically pushed him on the train. A double crosser. Harold would like to ask for his job back but he has his pride. I sure do. Now what am I going to do. Say if my fans found out Stanley was going to let me go about they'd insist he keep me here. I could drop a little hint the old dock yak yak. He'd spread the word probably gallop around town in his horse like Paul Revere. One if by land two if by sea. I'll have Stanley up a tree. Just wait a doc here's I might go to New York. He'll take it awfully hard. But I bring it up kind of easy. I hate to see a grown man cry. I'm in. Oh hello doc. Sit down old friend. Old friend. Hope he's got a handkerchief. This will be a big blow to him. Doc what would you say if I told you I was going to New York. Why that's a wonderful idea. Now when you get back there Harold be sure to look up my old friend Hector Rumpelmeyer. But doc Hector and I were classmates at veterinary college K9 Tech. You like him Harold. Doc I thought you'd be. Just tell him you know doc Yancey's old classmates. He'll remember I used to sit right behind him and distemper 1A. Heaven's sake doc. Don't you care. I'll be all alone in New York. That's why I want you to look up Hector. He'll introduce you around. He knows every air dail in town. Oh he'll show you a good time Harold. He'll take it all the dog show. They ought to put you in a dog show. Oh I'm not eligible Harold. I lost my pedigree papers. You lost your mind too. Goodbye. Now drop in and see Pete. I bet he'll want me to stay. Well hi Harold. Pete. Brace yourself. I've got some bad news. What's that boy. I might leave Melrose Springs and go to New York. I ain't that a doozy. I think I'm going to have to do something about that boy. I knew I could count on Pete. You mean you're going to stop me from going to New York. Well no I'm going to have to transfer your bicycle registration. But Pete. First I'll have to fill out a form. Oh but Pete. Here it is. Transfer of bicycle registration outside of state. You don't understand Pete. I may leave Melrose Springs and never come back. The date of return may never come back. Pete I thought you might want to go down and see Stanley. What I want to see him for is your bicycle. I don't care two cents about my bicycle. Value of bicycle two cents. Let me write that down. What make bicycle is it Harold. It's a double doozy. It's a double doozy. Pete without a doubt you're the most bungling, inefficient, irritating, exasperate. Not so fast boy. Let me write that down. At the bottom put jackass. Goodbye. It never missed me. It's like I'm going to have to go now. I've told everybody. Am I going to break the news to mother? Dear little mother she'll be broken hearted. Is that you Harold? Yes mother. Hello son. Hello mother. Mother I don't know how to tell you this but well it looks like I'll have to go to New York. I know all about it Harold. Dr. Yancy just phoned. He did? Yes and I think it's wonderful. Huh? It'll be a grand opportunity for you. But mother. I'm sure you love New York Harold. Grant's tomb, the Woolworth building, the Bowery, east side, west side all around the town. Mother. Oh and you'll have such fun seeing all the new shows. Sarah Bernhardt, Francis X Bushman, Webber and Fields. Webber and Fields mother you must have been in New York when it still belonged to the Indians. Oh but you love the Bowery. East side, west side all around the town. See you later mother. I'm going to my room. Mother too. Guess I'll have to go now. I'll sit down. Look out the window. Probably the last time. Never thought my life would turn out this way. I'll probably be a big failure in New York. I can just see myself there. Gosh, broken hungry. Been in New York three months. Lucky I got this job as pie checker at the Ottoman. Wonder what everybody is doing back in Melrose Springs. Uh oh, here comes the pies. Blackberry, gooseberry, blueberry, boysenberry, corned beef hash. Woop. How'd that get in there? What a job for a hungry man. Checking pies. Hey, nobody's looking. I think I'll eat one. Just reach out there and grab one. There. Now I'll eat it real fast. Yeah, ha. I caught you, hemp. Woop. Did you just eat one of those pies? Who? Me? Yes, you. Come on now. Confess. Why did you eat that pie? I was just trying to tell if it was blackberry or blueberry. You see, I'm colorblind. Hemp? You're fired. But turn in your pie tins and go. Just for that, I won't tell them it was blueberry. Out of a job again. What am I going to do? I've already pawned my moose button. Hey, that fellow over there looks like old Doc Yancey from back home. Doc! Doc, old friend! Are you speaking to me, bub? See, aren't you Doc Yancey, the fellow who loves horses? I hate horses. I just lost $50 at the crack. Pardon me. See, people are unfriendly here. I wish I could borrow enough money to get back to Melrose Springs. Who's that? Getting out of that Chrysler. Marvin Hartsock! Marvin! Marvin! Who are you? I'm Harold Hemp, who went to high school with you. Remember me, the frightened porcupine? Never saw you before in my life. But Marvin! Officer, this derelict is bothering me. You're sure and begor, what's going on here? Say, aren't you Pete? Sure and begor, what's that? Aren't you Pete from Melrose Springs? Me from Melrose Springs. Sure and begor ain't that a doozy. Officer, will you see that this man is locked up? I sure will, sure and begor. Come along, you. But officer, don't arrest me. Please, don't arrest me. Please, please. Officer, let go. Stop kicking me. Harold, Harold, wake up. Zeef, whatcha for? Oh, hello, mother. Am I still in Melrose Springs? Of course. Thank goodness. Harold, Dr. Yancy and Peter are here to see you. They've come to say goodbye. Tell them I'll be right out, mother. All right. Well, this is it. Gosh, I don't want to go to New York. I don't want to be a pie-checker at the automatically. Well, might as well say goodbye to the fellas. Hello, Harold. Howdy, boy. Hello, fellas. Harold, Pete and I got your little going-away present. Going-away? Yeah, a genuine cow-hide suitcase. Oh, thank you, fellas. You make the presentation, speech, Pete. Oh, sure. I ain't no Calvin Coolidge. You make it. All right. Harold, we just want to say to you that we'll be thinking of you when you're far away from your friend. And that goes for me, too, boy. Thanks. We know you'll be a big success, and I can't go through this, Pete. We don't really want you to go, Harold. What? We sure don't, Harold. But, fellas, today you both acted like... Oh, we were just putting on, boy. Sure. We thought it meant your career, and we didn't want to stand in your way. Gee, fellas, I don't want to go to New York. I want to stay right here with you. I'm awfully glad you're going to stay, Harold. I was just pretending, too. Well, that's wonderful. You're all wonderful. Well, it's a long, old friend. Yeah, goodbye, pal. Goodbye, fellas. Great, fellas. Yes, yes, they are, Harold. My only problem now is getting my job back at the radio station. Well, I don't think you'll have to worry about that, son. What? Come in. Well, Stanley. Hello, Ham. Good afternoon, Mrs. Ham. Good afternoon. Ham, I hope you've changed your mind. Well, the most amazing thing happened this afternoon. I received over a hundred telephone calls demanding that you stay at the station. A hundred calls? Yes. All from women. So, Ham, if you'd consider coming back. Well, all right, Stanley. Wouldn't want to disappoint all my women fans. Good. You know, it's a funny thing. Every one of those women who called had a nasal voice. Well, goodbye. Goodbye. Mother, it sounds to me like you're going to New York. Mother, it sounds to me like those hundred phone calls that saved my job were made by one woman with a nasal voice. Wonder who she is. I don't know, Harold. There are a lot of coals going around now. Mother. Mother. You're wonderful. You have just heard the Harold Perry show, Honest Harold. The supporting players tonight included Jane Morgan, Tyler McVeigh, Mari Alden, Olin Suley, and Parley Bayer, and featured Gloria Holiday as Gloria, and Joseph Kearns as Old Doc Yak Yak. Norman McDonnell directed, and the music was composed and conducted by Jack Meakin. Honest Harold, created by Harold Perry, was written by Gene Stone, Jack Robinson, and Dick Powell. Yeah. Honest Vivacious Sunday Night star Eve Arden will leave her Almas Brooks classroom to star in a different kind of role on Suspense tomorrow evening. You'll find our Lady Eve is a best dressed woman out for the kill in her suspense drama, and it's one of her best dramatic roles in a long time. Also on CBS Tomorrow Evening, Raymond Bassie will be heard on the Hallmark Playhouse as an over age military man who makes good. We cordially invite you to be listening tomorrow evening when on most of these same CBS stations, Eve Arden stars on Suspense in the well dressed corpse, and Raymond Bassie stars in the Hallmark Playhouse, an old soldier never dies. Now stay tuned for the Bing Crosby show which follows immediately on most of these same CBS stations. This is CBS where Edward R. Murrow and Hear It Now comes to you on Friday evenings. The Columbia Broadcasting System. Thank you.