 J-E-L-L-O! The Jell-O program starring Jack Venne with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Kenny Baker, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with Jubilee. When somebody produces a rabbit from a hat, that's magic in the kind that it takes years to learn. But you can work far finer magic than that and write in your own kitchen, and it's easy. Why, from one package of Jell-O, you can produce a dessert that's magically simple to prepare and absolutely swell eating. What's more, you have a wide choice. For Jell-O is the most versatile dish in the world. Serve it perfectly plain and a mold of shimmering beauty. Decorate it with fruits or nuts and try whipped Jell-O with a beautiful, foamy texture and attempting pastel color. Cut the Jell-O into gay, colorful little cubes and pile them high in sherbet glasses. While there are so many ways to serve Jell-O, you'll have a hard time deciding whether it's strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, or lime. Jell-O brings you that delicious, extra-rich fruit flavor that simply can't be topped. So look for the big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O, and Jell-O spells a treat. Mr. and now, ladies and gentlemen, in this corner at 143 pounds, we bring you that walkie-gan bomber, Jack Benny. Good girl's hanging, Jell-O again. This is Kid Benny, your Sunday night slugger talking. And say, Don, that was something new, wasn't it? What was the idea of that introduction? Well, Jack Mary told me that you were going in for a lot of vigorous training and road work lately. Are you getting ready for a fight? Oh, no, Don. I was just a little run down and felt that I ought to get back in shape again. That's all. Oh, then those threats Fred Allen's been making lately have nothing to do with your sudden interest in physical culture. Don, stifle the thought, please. I don't have to build myself up to fight that guy. Any man that'll starch his legs so they won't wobble. Well. Oh, you think you're good-lucky, ma'am. Don, if I ever got in the ring, if we ever got in the ring together, I'd finish him faster than a Scotchman eating a paid-up meal in a burning restaurant. And I'm the guy that can do it. Say, Jack. Yes, Mary? I heard Allen's program Wednesday night and he made one crack that simply burned me up. I thought he went too far. Oh, yeah? What did he say? He said when it came to fighting, you were dirtier than a Pittsburgh nudist. Oh, he did. Yeah. Boy, was I mad. Well, you certainly acted. Let me tell you something, Mary. The reason Allen talks so tough is because he knows there's very little chance of us ever getting together. That's right. If he comes here, you'll go to New York. All right, Mary, go ahead. Make a coward out of me. You're not fooling anybody. Oh, Jack, what sort of training have you been doing? Anything strenuous? Well, rather, I get up bright and early in the morning and Rochester and I toss the ball back and forth and then we run like mad around the backyard and then I skip rope. You make mud pies, too? Yes, if it'll make you happy. Well, Jack, that sounds like you're really going in for good solid exercise. I'll say I am. You know, Don, I've also got a punching bag and a pair of 15-pound dumbbells. 15-pounders, huh? Well, how do you like working with them? I don't know, Don. I can't get them off the floor. I have a lot of fun, though, rolling them around. Say, Jack, did you tell Don what happened to you the other day on your trapeze? No, and never mind. What was it, Mary? Well, Jack hung a trapeze in that big tree in his backyard and said he was gonna swing over to a limb like Tarzan. Oh, Mary. So when he jumped, one foot stuck to the trapeze and the other got caught on the limb. Now, listen. He was hanging up there all afternoon. And what happened? A bird built a nest in his toupee. Well, that could happen to anybody. And besides, you know very well that I don't wear a toupee. That was my coon skin cap. Well, it had a nice wave in it. Yes, didn't it? Now, let's forget me and the trapeze. Oh, hello, Phil. Hiya, Jackson. How's musclebound Benny tonight? It's all right, Phil. It wouldn't hurt you to take a little exercise once in a while. For a guy your age, you're very flabby. Oh, I don't know. You just don't live right. I don't, hey, listen, Benny. I take a cold shower every morning, the minute I get home. Well, isn't that marvelous? You know, Phil, if they don't put sun lamps in nightclubs pretty soon, I'm afraid you won't be with us much longer. Incidentally, have you forgotten that little rebellion last week or do you still intend to do your own program? Oh, sure, I'm going through with it. In fact, I've been working on it all week long. Is that so? Say, Phil, what's the name of that product you told us you were signing up with? Bixby's Bubble Gum. Bubble Gum? A lot of Bubble Gum you'll sell. Oh, I'll do all right. And boy, I got a theme song that'll sweep the nation. You want to hear it? No. I do. I helped him write it. Oh, this ought to be marvelous. Two minds without a single thought. Go ahead, Phil. Let's hear your theme song. OK, hit it, Charlie. Give me a little introduction. Bubble gum, bubble gum. Won't you buy my bubble gum? It's for me. It's for you. Chew and chew and chew. Oh, brother. It's so sweet. Can't be beat for Tom and Joe and Pete. Chew it up, chew it up, chew it up, blow. My bubble gum. Oh, so that little thing is going to sweep the nation, eh? Well, we think so. I guess they'll another swell number for the middle of the program. Oh, for the middle of the program? Will it get that far? Gee, it's terrific, Mary. Sing it to them. OK. Thanks for the bubble gum. No matter how you chew, it's always good as new. Cats, they all me offer it, and cows, they always move. Thank you. Why, Mary, that ought to be sensational. You said it. Phil, you wouldn't be on the radio two weeks with that junk. What are you talking about? That's classy stuff. Look what's talking about class. You've got the only pinstripe tuxedo in Hollywood. Class. Well, I could answer that, but why bother? Fred Allen takes care of you. Allen, Allen, that's all I've heard lately. He just saw her because I exposed him last week. That's well. He should be. You said he was nearsighted, and he claims he isn't. Oh, he isn't. Allen isn't nearsighted, huh? Listen, Don, I saw him in a restaurant one night dressed in Portland's evening gown. So he's either nearsighted or a female impersonator, and he can take his toys. It's up to him. Take it easy, Jack. Allen won't like that crack. Oh, he won't. Well, I'll be just too, too perturbed. And now, Mr. Harris, you're still in my employ. So would you mind going over to your orchestra, wake you them up, raise your baton, hold your nose, and play something? OK, boss. Go ahead, maestro. Give out one of your musical masterpieces. Wait a minute. Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes? I resent that crack you just made about Fred Allen. Why, are you nearsighted? No, I'm a female impersonator. Goodbye. What a pest. I wish he'd stick his head in a bucket of water and let it freeze. Play, Phil. Oh, Harris and his orchestra. And say, folks, you know how Phil would announce that if he was on his own program? You know how he talks. He'd say that was umbrella man brought to you by his royal majesty of rhythm. Just call me Madge, yeah. That was a goodie, wasn't it, folks? Yeah. That was right in the middle of the night. And he'd say, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, that was right in the groove. We were in there punching. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, Jack, don't give people the impression that I'm corny. I suppose you're not. You ought to call yourself Phil Harris and his musical cobs. And now, folks, wait a minute, Jack, my orchestra isn't corny either. Oh, it isn't, eh? I could start a husking bee here in about two seconds. And now, folks, tonight Don Wilson, that rising young author, has written a little play which he is about to announce. Take it, Don. Ladies and gentlemen, the scene is a little vine-covered cottage located in the suburb of a typical American city. The time is 7 p.m. and dinner is being served. So without further ado, we take you to the home of Mr. and Mrs. Average American. Oh, darling, darling. Yes, Average. It was so thoughtful of you to have Jello for dinner. No wonder it's the fastest selling gelatin dessert in America today. Yes, indeed. Oh, Av, there's something that I must tell you. It's been gnawing at my heart for weeks and I can't keep the secret any longer. Gee, these sliced bananas add just the right touch to it. What were you saying, dear? My love for you has grown cold. Please understand. I'm not doing this to hurt you, but tonight I'm leaving you forever. Gee, this is good. I can understand now why Jello sales are breaking records all over the country. Where are you going, dear? I'm running away with Oliver G. Fairfield, my new love. I see. Here he is now. Hello, honey. My sweetheart. Hello, Oliver. Take that. You must make this dessert more often, dear, because it is not only tempting and delicious, but economical as well. Now, ladies and gentlemen, O'Donne, drag Oliver off the stage, will you? Okay. And now, folks, going from Mr. Wilson's play to our, oh, hello, Kenny. Hello, Jack. Who's that on the floor? Oliver. Oh, some twist. And now, folks, why, Kenny Baker, you little imp. That was a very funny gag, wasn't it, Mary? That wouldn't be good if he sung it. Now, Mary, give credit where credit is due. I said Oliver and Kenny said some twist. There you are, Oliver Twist. Oh, now I get it. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Say it's not that. I had a hunch there was something wrong there. And now, folks, as I was about to say- Well, say, Jack. What is it, Kenny? Do you hear, uh, you know who last Wednesday night? Yes, I heard you know who. Boy, did he give JB what was coming to him. Kenny, you can drop this none-too-deep mystery. We all heard Alan, and I, for one, am not interested. Well, gee, he certainly answered everything you said about him last Sunday. With one little exception. You notice he didn't say a word about his being a juggler and vortable. That's right. Why was that? Because he's ashamed of it. O'Donne, you remember the cherry sisters who used to do an act years ago, and they were so bad that they had to work behind a net? Yes. Well, Alan used to work behind them. In fact, when they put in revolving stages, he quit. So now, Kenny, if I've cleared that up, you can go ahead with your song, which we're anxiously awaiting. Wait a minute, see who that is, Mary. Okay. Hello? Hello, Mary. Let me speak the buck. Just a second. It's for you, Jack. Who is it? It's either Andy Devine or a concrete mixer. Oh, Andy, I want to talk to him. Hello, Andy. Hi, you buck. Are you coming over today? Yes, a Rochester's waiting downstairs in the car. He's got my boxing gloves and everything I need. Did you ask your paw if I could work out in the barn? Yeah, he said if it's okay with the bull, it's okay with him. Oh, well, how does the bull feel about it? Oh, he don't mind. He went to Pomona to see an old cow he used to know. Well, that's fine. We'll be leaving right away, Andy. See you in a little while. So long. So long, buck. I'm sorry, fellas, but I have to rush away. You can carry on without me, can't you? Oh, it'll be a tough struggle, but I think we can do it. And how? All right, fella, none of that bubble gum stuff. This is the Jell-O program. So long. Hey, Jack, can I go with you? Yes, but I don't want any wisecracks when I'm training. Goodbye, everybody. Goodbye, Jack. Thank you. Well, what am I standing here for? Sing, Kenny. The tune of a genie with a large stripping where the bright streams play Happy as a day on her way Where the wild notes her merry voice would pour And the song but her light-form stray Mister, take it easy on this country road, will ya? Okay, boss. I'm tired of bouncing around. Yeah, it's a good thing we're strapped in. Don't blame the car. Rochester, why don't you put some air in the tub? Rochester, why don't you put some air in the tires like I told you to? Well, the man in the filling station said we couldn't have no more air until we bought some gas. Don't alibi. Now, the first chance you get, put some air in those tires. What's the use? It just goes in one hole and out the other. They're not that bad, so keep still. Hey, Jack, are you sure this is the road to Andy's farm? I think so. Rochester, where's that road map I had? The road map? Yes. You glued it on the medicine ball and made a globe out of it. Now, let's see. Andy's farm ought to be around here somewhere. I know we must be close to it. Hey, boss, there's Mr. Andy's place right down the bottom of this hill. Oh, yes, there it is. Shut off the motor, Rochester. It's more of a thrill coasting down. Oh, how much gas can you save on one little hill? That's not the point, Mary. It's better for the car. Shut off the motor. Hold on, boss. Here we go. Yes, sir. Whee! Hey, Mary, isn't this fun? Yes, I'm excited. Boy, we're really moving now. Say, boss, you know that loose front wheel we got? Yes. Well, there. Catch up to it. Hurry up. All right, Rochester, slow down a little. Slow down, Rochester. Step on the brake. It's down to the floor now. Well, good heavens, we're heading straight for Andy's barn. Quick, let me have the wheel. Yeah, yeah, boss. Don't hand it to me. I better fix that fender. Never mind the fender. Take this pig off my lap. Mary, where are you? Mary. Mary, are you hurt? No, but it's lucky this goat hasn't got horns. Hey, heaven, you're all right. You know, Rochester, this is all your fault. My fault? Yes, and whatever the damage is, it's going to come out of your salary. Duck gone, I get duck more than the queen man. And quit making goo goo eyes at that chicken. It belongs to Andy. It comes to Andy now. Act nonchalant, Jack. Yeah, hello, Andy. Hi, you buck. Are you hurt? No, Andy, but I'm sorry we crashed into your barn like this. Oh, that's nothing. Pa does it every Saturday night. He does. Yeah, then the darn fool takes off his shoes and tries to sneak into the house. Well, there's no harm trying. Say, Rochester, get the boxing gloves and my training clothes out from under the back seat. OK. Thanks very much, Andy, for letting me use your barn to train in. Where can I get into my trunks? Right over there in that stall. Oh, fine. Mary, will you excuse me while I change my clothes? I'll excuse you while you go to South America. Very sweet of you. I'll be back in a second, Andy. Say, say, Mary, what's Buck doing all this training for? Oh, he's bombing. He thinks he's going to fight Fred Allen. Well, is he? Well, if those two ever meet, Jack will probably haul off in faint. Well, just the same. It won't hurt Buck to get in shape. Here he comes now. Gee, that was quick. Yeah. Ha, ha, ha. Got to load them with those boxing gloves and red velvet trunks. Well, here I am, fellas. How do I look? Mama! Now, what's the matter? Boss, when you get off your clothes, there's just ain't nothing left. Well, that's the purpose of my training. I want to fill out. Say, Buck, Fred Allen was right about your chest. It does cave in a little. Oh, well, a good slap on the back will fix that. All right, Mary, what are you shaking your head for? I thought you told me you had muscles. Well, I have. Look, when I pull up my arm, what do you see now? A hula dancer. I'm not talking about my tattoo. Mary, you annoy me. Why don't you go milk a cow or something? Well, what do you say, Andy? I'm putting on the boxing gloves and having a little slugging match with me. Oh, no, nothing doing, Buck. Nothing doing. I don't blame you. I'll put them on with you. Oh, shut up. You don't think I'd fight a woman, do you? You would if you thought you could win. Look, I came here to train, not argue. Hey, Rochester, put on the boxing gloves and work out with me. Oh, no, not me. Oh, come on. Put on those gloves. I'm not going to hurt you. I know that. I'm just tired. Rochester, if you don't do as I... All right, boss, I'm putting them on. That's better. Mary, hand me my glasses. How are we going to box if you're wearing glasses? Well, I got to see you, don't I? Why don't you put on a suit of armor, too? Now, the next one who says I'm a coward can't watch. All right, Rochester. And remember, no holding in the clinches, hitting below the belt is foul. And over the fence is out. Never mind that. Now, let's get going, Rochester. First, we'll spar around a little and get warmed up. Then I want you to tear right into me. Okay, let's go. What's the matter, Andy? With you and Rochester sparring around, it looks like you're shadow boxing. Hey, Mary, how's my footwork? Very good. It's a good thing they are. It's harder to knock me over. Hey, Andy, watch me get Rochester. Okay, Buck. Hey, Rochester, look. What's that behind you? Where? Right there. I got you that time, Rochester. Boy, did I give you a black eye. Black eye? Yes. You have to peel me the proof. You said it. I think that was a dirty trick, Jack. Never mind. If he was dumb enough to fall for it, it serves him right. All right, Rochester. Come on. Put some snap into it. Say, I'm in better form than I thought I was. Say, boss, your shoelace is untied. My shoelace, which one? That one there. Oh, yes. I'll have to... What's he saying, Mary? You're jerking. Help me firm the chair. All right, Rochester. Come on. Put up your dukes and fight. Rochester, where are you? Oh, you are. Well, I'm going to wait for you down here if I have to stay all night. Okay. I'll see you in the morning, boy. I teach him to knock my teeth out. You don't have to, buck. He knows how. If you want to put your husband into a good humor after a hard day's work, here's just the dessert to help you out. It's the new Jell-O butterscotch pudding, the best-tasting dessert you've tried in many a long day. It's smooth, it's satin, it's rich and mellow with true butterscotch flavor and the good old-fashioned kind. It has a tempting color like golden taffy, and it's just plain, mouth-watering, delicious. Jell-O butterscotch pudding is made with fine, wholesome ingredients, the kind you'd use yourself right in your own kitchen, and that's why it has that truly homemade goodness. Then try Jell-O chocolate pudding, rich and smooth and real chocolatey. And a Jell-O vanilla pudding, creamy and delicate. All three Jell-O puddings are just as appetizing and good as the kind your mother used to make when you were a youngster, but they're far quicker and easier. There's only a few minutes cooking required and you can't go wrong. So ask your grocer tomorrow for Jell-O butterscotch, chocolate and vanilla pudding, the real homemade kind. This is the last number of the 18th program in the new Jell-O series, and we will be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. Well, come on, Mary. Let's go home. What do you say, Jack? Let's go to Earl Carroll's for a couple of dances and have some fun. No, Mary, I can't. I'm in strict training. Well, a friend of mine is throwing a big party over there. Oh, I suppose I could drop in for a little while. Good night, folks. Kenny Baker appears on the Jell-O program for courtesy of Mervyn Leroy Productions. Jubilee is from Carol's Honeymoon and it's the strangest thing from the picture Up the River. This is the National Broadcasting Company.