 Men hate women who do these five things. Well, I guess five things. We're gonna dive into this today. So really quickly, I just wanna be transparent with you all. I saw it with you all. I saw this title on Stefan Speaks YouTube channel. And while I did not watch it, so I have no idea if there's any comparisons between the two, I love the title. And I thought I would share my perspective on things that piss off men and quite frankly, everything I'm about to share is true for men and women alike, okay? Now, let's just face it, in the early stages of dating, all it takes is one little thing to like blow a second chance at a date or one little thing to blow a third chance at a date. You know, I mean, it seems like humans are rather sensitive. And I think this is partially true because we are meeting total strangers in the dating environment. We're meeting total strangers. And because of that, we don't have this strong sense of familiarity, strong sense. Everybody says to me, why isn't dating easier? Why shouldn't it be simple? Shouldn't it be easy? It used to be simple for my parents' generation or the generation before them. Well, yeah, let's take a look. Let's go back and we'll get into our hot tub time machine and go back hundreds and hundreds of years ago. Folks, hundreds of years ago, most people made it within the tribe they lived in. Let me repeat that. They made it within the tribe they lived in. In other words, they shared the same values. They shared the same religion. They shared the same politics. And I don't mean just here in the United States, I mean throughout the world. You know, we shared the same cultural background. We shared similar interest in music and things like that because the world was much smaller to some degree back then. So it was no wonder it was much easier to mate compared to today. We have a lot of little nuances and things that can actually disrupt the connection of two people to join in and join in on a healthy, happy relationship. Now, I recognize it's very frustrating for many of you dating out there. Particularly if you're a woman, you're rather frustrated because a significant percentage of men don't have to commit. I mean, the reality is these days, casual relationships, situations, friends with benefits, not labeling things, taking it slow, taking it slow. By the way, folks, when a man says let's take it slow means I am happy to have sex with you but I am going to stretch out for as long as possible any emotional or any emotional connection with you or any emotional commitment with you. That's what means taking it slow. So I recognize that many of you women are rather frustrated because the standard of relationship is so confusing today. What is the standard? There is no standard. It used to be hundreds of years ago. If you wanted to get laid, you had to get married. That was the standard. It was an easy thing to conceptualize. It was easy to conceptualize this. Today, do you know what the standard is? Our smartphones for a lot of men has really replaced prostitution. Oh, there I said it, a dirty word. But I mean, literally, men don't have to go to prostitutes. They can just swipe on dating apps, hook up with somebody and within three dates there's a good chance he'll have sex with someone. And he doesn't have to give any further commitment beyond that. Now, is this all men? Absolutely not. But this represents a significant percentage of men. And so I'm only bringing this into the context of this conversation is to recognize that ladies, I understand why you've become so overly sensitive. And what may happen is you're doing these five things because you're trying to protect yourself from those men. Look, I wish I could be there for you on a big, on a first date. I'm your big brother. I'd have the shotgun pointed at the guy's head and say, what's your intentions with my little sister? And the point of that illustration is that there's a consequence for bad behavior. There's a consequence for bad behavior. These days there's no consequences for bad behavior. We can treat people emotionally. We can treat people almost to the point of abuse. I don't mean abuse, but close to it. And there's no repercussion for it. And I guess this is where personal responsibility plays a part in this as well. So much of my work is centered around folks, if you're familiar with my book, what the heck is self love? Anyway, a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work, there's a link below to get a copy of my book. It starts by being in an empowered place for yourself. So you don't make these early mistakes that trigger someone to go the other direction. And just remember, it is rather tenuous at best the early stage of dating. We are feeling each other out because as I said in the beginning of this broadcast, we're meeting total strangers. By the way, for the record, I believe the first telephone call is the first date. And I recommend spending up to an hour finding out as much about this person just to see if you have some base alignment, some base alignment with this person, because you might find out in that telephone call, you don't need to get dressed up on a Thursday, Friday, Saturday night to meet someone that is misaligned with you. I know all the dating coaches say, it's a numbers game, just put yourself out there, just put yourself out there, go out on as many dates as you possibly can. In fact, we want you to date three men at the same time. You guys have any idea how fucking exhausting that is? And worse, how emotionally, how that can affect us from an emotional perspective. This form of numbers, this cold call way of dating is part of the problem why people are so sensitive, but we're gonna get into it more granularly in a moment. We're gonna get into the nitty gritty. Okay, what I'm about to share is true for men and it's true for women. Okay, so this is like things people do that screw up the early stage of dating, but particularly we're gonna talk about how men dislike this and you can apply this to men as well. First and foremost, flaky behavior, flaky behavior. I can't begin to tell you in my own experiences how absolutely flaky women can be. They can be flaky in their communication, they can be flaky at planning events like dates and whatnot like that. I will tell you that flaky behavior is one of the primary reasons why a lot of, okay, let's call the first date actually a first meeting, okay? So after the first meetings, you wanna know why a lot of times you don't get a first date, you showed up late, and or you were flaky in your communication prior or maybe he just wanted to check you out, but I will tell you, flaky behavior typically results in this, okay? Now you might see, this is where I'm gonna share something with you. The book, the rules fucked it up because the book, the rules has implied game playing techniques, but game playing to a high quality man appears as flaky behavior, waiting a long time to return a text, blowing someone off at the last minute so that you can create tension and anxiety between the two. I'm gonna tell you something for an emotionally mature man, this is what he says to that. He says, no. Now grant it, we have a dysfunctional population of human beings that will fall into the category of temporarily hooking somebody through flaky behavior, okay? But I will tell you for the emotionally mature man, that's gonna backfire on you every single time. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know, hit that like button if it is, okay? Number two, complainers, complainers. I have to tell you, I've experienced this in my own dating experiences where I've gone out with women and you've seen it with men too, so this isn't singular to women. People that complain about their family, they complain about friends, they complain about their job, they complain about children, they complain about the economy, they complain about politics, they even go as far as complaining about themselves. I can tell you, it's the subtle complaining, it's the little, it's like the subverse, subvert, that's the word I'm thinking of, the undertone that comes out in communication. Now usually this doesn't happen on a first, second or third date, it usually begins to happen when there's a bit of rapport built with somebody. See, what's interesting is the minute you become comfortable, if you are a natural complainer, I'll tell you some of you aren't completely unaware that you are a natural complainer. And I will tell you for that evolved, emotionally mature man, he doesn't wanna deal with it. We men, or if I'm gonna put myself in this category is we're seeking women who are in a state of gratitude. It's an attitude of gratitude. See, I understand why, to some of you complaining might be venting, okay? But quite frankly, if you're not seeking a solution to your problem, it's not venting, it's complaining, venting is releasing it with the intent to solve the problem. When you're venting it merely to get it off your chest without any resolution to it, it comes across as complaining. And I will tell you, I've witnessed this, so this isn't like, and by the way, ladies, you've gone out with men too, you've been with guys, they've complained about their family, they've complained about their friends, complain about the economy. By the way, complaining about politics is not healthy conversation to complain about it. Certainly there is a lot to be concerned about in the world, but to complain about it serves no purpose, okay? Number three, now this does directly relate to men and women. And number three is we are not mind readers, ladies, we are not mind readers, particularly if we ask you, where would you like to go tonight? What kind of food do you like? We don't ask that, well, Jonathan, that just tells me he's not confident because I am just supposed to sit my feminine energy and let a man lead. That's what men are supposed to do. I'm only attracted to that confident man who knows what he wants. Folks, sometimes we ask you what you want because we actually want to please you. We actually want to please you. If you said you wanted sushi, great, I'll go on Yelp, check out the sushi places and schedule a place or I'll go on Open Table. But sometimes we ask what you want because it's our way of saying we want to make you happy. So then when you dismiss it, reject it or avoid it, then we're trying to read your mind after that. It's a big turn off to us. If you want to go do something, then just say it. It brings us joy when you are decisive, when you actually volunteer assisting. But Jonathan, that takes away from his masculine, that's me being in the masculine if I do that. Oh my God, this stupid conversation about women being in their masculine is the most, okay, I'm gonna say it. It's the idiotic thing. This whole narrative about women, now look, let me just be clear because I'm going off on a squirrel here. A woman who's controlling, a woman who is domineering, a woman who is dismissive, a woman who is criticizing, defensive or even stonewalling. That's not masculine behavior. That's just bad fucking behavior because if a masculine man did all those same things, you would call that bad behavior. So we have to differentiate. When you hear a lot of that from some of my, I don't even want to call them contemporaries. I'm talking about some of the noise you hear out there. Good human behavior is not masculine or feminine. It's just good personhood. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. So we can't read your minds. If we ask you something, it's because we genuinely want your input. So share your input, okay? Number four, talking negatively about an ex-relationship or an ex-spouse. Talking negatively about an ex-relationship or ex-spouse. Ladies, I don't care if he was 97% at fault. If you throw him under the bus and take no ownership with your 3%, it is a turnoff to the emotionally mature guy because the emotionally mature guy takes a hundred percent responsibility for his failure in a relationship. And if you don't take a hundred percent responsibility of your part of the relationship, if you literally point the finger at the ex-spouse, the ex-relationship, it is all there. They were a narcissist. They were abusive. And I get that's what your experience might be. But I'm here to say, hey, listen, 90% and 80% of guys won't have a problem with it because they are emotionally mature enough to recognize that you have issues. But then again, if he accepts you, he has issues, okay? We are swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality. So it's no wonder we see so many transactional relationships, transactional relationships. See, I said earlier, I talked about situationships, casual relationships, friends with benefits. The fact of the matter is in today's world, we're in a lot, we experience, many people experience transactional relationships. They're not soul-based relationships. See, transactional relationships follow a traditional paradigm. Men are the leaders of the relationship and women must submit to men. This is the whole red pill narrative. This is the religious right narrative. It takes away women's empowerment. But more importantly, it takes away the concept of co-creating a relationship with another human being, co-creating a relationship. Do you know what co-creating looks like? It looks like this. It's not this, okay? It's this. Don't you want to co-create a relationship with another person? You know, there's a business book. This isn't a relationship book, it's a business book. It's called the Partnership Charter. How to start outright with your new business partnership. I want you to think about this for a second. When two attorneys come together, they could be man and woman. They could be two men, two women. Two attorneys come together, two sovereign beings. Each one of them might have a strength. One might be a good rainmaker. The other person might be a good admin person. They come together as partners. They have partnership meetings. But Jonathan, I'm supposed to just sit in my feminine energy and let the guy do everything. I'm supposed to do nothing. Like, where did that become, like, where is that logical? You know, I mean, well, maybe I'm wrong. Okay, take that back, rewind. To me, I'm here to encourage a more part-centered way of approaching this from your individual empowerment and not the traditional narratives that we've been sold on. If you haven't read this book, I highly recommend the book. If the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated, oh my God, chapter nine talks about the emotional equality necessary for a healthy, happy relationship. It throws out the gender rhetoric and it says, how can we connect with another human being here? Because isn't this really what it's all about? How to connect with someone's heart? Look, I get it, ladies. A lot of men have concrete surrounding their heart, but believe it or not, women have the capacity to jackhammer their way through that concrete. When you apply some of the principles I share in my videos and coaching program. And by the way, if you need support, check out the link below to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. And the fifth, and to me, this is one of the most, this is the biggest turn-off I've observed in the dating marketplace is women who make no effort. Or worse, they are non-appreciative. They are non-appreciative. There is this narrative, there is this what I call princess energy narrative. I think the princess energy is seeking their father. And so they have this expectation, this entitled expectation that men are supposed to do everything from paying for dates to planning to doing everything in the relationship. It's very princess energy. It's not queen energy. And they make little or no effort. You know, I'm gonna steal a line from Matthew Hussie. We'll talk about first date. He says who should pay, he was talking about who should pay for a date. And he said, if a man was raised right, he should pay for the date. And if a woman was raised right, she would offer. See, it's not so much the money, it's the effort that matters most to men. And more importantly, actually appreciating our efforts. Ladies, how frustrated are you when you're with a man who doesn't appreciate your efforts? And I gotta tell you something. There is an entitled group of women out there that just expect to be treated. And by the way, the more attractive the woman, the more entitled I've observed. The more attractive, this is just a generalization. This is my judgment. But the more attractive the woman, I find the more entitled she is. She is less appreciative and makes little or no effort. And that's a big, that's, you know, guys who are emotionally mature, look it. We, you know, men who are financially successful, they have no problem. It's not about paying for dates is what we're looking for is what effort you make into the relationship other than just showing up dressed nice. But Jonathan, I spent all this time getting dressed up. Well, the guy spent time getting dressed up too. Okay. I know it takes longer for you to put makeup on. I get it. But that's not we're talking about. It's the effort that matters most and more importantly, more importantly, the appreciation of the effort. And again, this is just my interpretation on everything. Okay. So is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Post a comment below. Just to reiterate, and by the way, if you like this content, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos. And just to reiterate every, the five things, flaky behavior, complainers, expecting us to read your minds, talking negatively about an ex-relationship or spouse and lastly, not making effort or worse, not being appreciative of our efforts. All right. Those who know my live stream format, if you have a question, write the word question, then post the question there after, or you can purchase a super sticker super chat. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box. All the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there with his brother, Colin. It's my son who passed away over five years ago and as honor, we donate to causes like the Hoffman process and Insight Institute, just to name a few, as well as scholarships to my coaching. And by the way, our goal tonight is $50. $50 is our goal. So I'd love for you to give some love to the Connor Asley scholarship fund. All right, let's see what we've got in the way of questions. Write the word question, then post the question there after. Sandy says, I disagree. I do not feel entitled and I always offer and I'm very giving, I guess there are some people that are that way, but there are a lot of us that are not. OK, but you said, but I want you to say something. You say you disagree with me. I understand you might not believe it's for you. But let me just say, it's a very true statement out there and not saying it happens 100% of the time or 80% of the time or even 60% of the time. But it happens enough of the time where men feel used. And more importantly, one of men's biggest frustrations with women is not feeling appreciated or efforts, not a feeling appreciated for efforts. OK, all right, let's see what we've got here. It looks like Thelma House Street Ranch Ministries, a very wealthy man with many options. How do I know if he really is interested, slowly emailing me back, I want to know him more, not a desperate lady like most he knows 24 seven. I need more. Well, first off, his wealth has nothing to do with his character. OK, it just means he has money, but he has many options. I get that. How do you know if he's really interested? He's making consistent effort. That's how you know if he's interested. He's making consistent effort. That's how you know any man is interested through consistent effort. All right, if you hey, folks, if you want to join the hot seat, meaning you want to talk to me live, I just put the link in the chat box. You can click on that and we can talk live here if you have a specific question. Again, if you have a question, write the word question and post the question thereafter. Let me see. Lexi said men expect a higher level of appreciation for the same tasks performed by women. I'm a big believer of mutual appreciation. To the extent that there might be truth in what you said, and I can't think of an example right now. And again, that would be a generalization. I think both men and women want to be appreciated for their efforts mutually. I think that's a fact. So I understand where you're going. I can't think of an example, but I do agree with that, to some degree. Bernadine says, people that just talk about themselves and spend a little time getting to know you, yes, there is a significant percentage of that. Tia Hicks is in the house. Question, we're talking to complete strangers on dating apps. Why would a guy want to meet right away after minutes of chatting without getting to know one another first? Is that a red flag? No, that is actually a very common occurrence for men and women alike, because they don't want to spend a lot of time talking on the phone if there isn't going to be physical attraction. What you might want to recommend in those cases, do a FaceTime with that person. Because that's what they really want to know. Just say, hey, do you mind if we do a FaceTime first and see if there is mutual attraction? Simple as that. But great question, I appreciate that. By the way, I've been stuck on this song. I ain't worried about it. What's that? Wait, I ain't worried about it right now. Wait, the lyrics. I don't know what you've been told, but time is running out. No need to take it slow. I'm stepping to you toe to toe. I should be scared, honey, maybe so, but I ain't worried about it right now. By the way, I'm a terrible singer, but this song is like listening to it over and over and over again. OK. Tia Hicks. Oh, wait, we keep going here. Billy Holt is in the house. Billy Linholt. Question, so if we begin a relationship and have a broken back and didn't realize my doctor was a quack and I behaved all the wrong ways, is it over? Well, there's a saying, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. If you acted like a quake, if you behaved all the wrong ways, I mean, how would you react to somebody who behaved all the wrong ways? I guess what you're saying is you are having a physical ailment that caused you to act outside of your normal character. Remember, I started this conversation by saying the first couple of dates where most humans are rather sensitive to familiarity, way to launch a relationship. So it's probably going to be a challenge if you didn't build a bit of rapport. Is it over? Well, it's only over until one person walks away. So if they haven't walked away, it isn't over. Janet's in the house. Why do men have a difficult time in approaching a good-looking woman? A fear of rejection. I mean, I'm terrible at walking up to a stranger. First off, I don't walk up to a strange person, because that to me feels like it's all based on looks. And unless there's a real connection that happens, if there's eye contact and a real connection, I'm not going to walk up to a strange person. That's just me. I'm also probably afraid. OK, I'll tell you a story. So this was years ago, right after my divorce. I remember it was St. Patrick's Day. I was at a bar with some friends sitting at a high-top table. And about 10 feet away from me was a group of women sitting at the table. And there was one just really beautiful woman. And she's looking at me, and I'm looking at her, and she's looking at me, and I'm looking at her, and she's looking at me, and I'm looking at her, and she's looking at me, and I'm looking at her. This goes on for about an hour and a half until I finally walked up to her. I'll be honest, I was afraid. It's just owning my truth. And now I happen to be, I think, 42 or 44 at the time. And I started to chat with her. And the first question I said, how old are you? And she said 29. I had no idea of what her age was, because people, I mean, their age can be misleading. So I said, oh, I'm going to assume you want to have babies. Do you have children? She said, no. I said, are you going to want to have children? She said, yes. I said, have a nice life. I already had two children. I went through a divorce. I didn't want to go through that, so there was no need. And I didn't do that. I mean, I said, I'll polite the bye. But I spent all that time, and we were misaligned. So anyway, that could be the reason why. Fear of rejection. Phyllis asks the question, how can a my guy friend be my boyfriend? I have sex with him. That's how you take a friend into a different category. You have sex with them. You're asking a complicated question. Does he have you guys built, or you guys have you talked about a relationship with another? Probably not. I think what you're referring to is you have an attraction, maybe some unrequited love for somebody, and you're hoping that would shift. So have a serious conversation with them. Ask them, would you be interested in exploring a relationship together? But Jonathan, I can't ever say that. I might get rejected. Nothing ventured. Nothing gained. You got to make effort. If you want something, go after it. The worst thing that can happen, you're embarrassed for like 10 minutes. But trust me, everybody, I want you to make a list of about the 10,000 times you've been embarrassed in your life. Make together a list. And if you can recite all 10,000 times you've been embarrassed, you're cured, OK? So make the effort. You have nothing to lose. I mean, I doubt it's going to work, but at least making the effort is the most important thing. Michelle, question. I just ended a year-long situation, whatever, LOL. Going forward, when I date again, how do I know when it's love? How long should I wait? I don't believe two people should say the words, I love you, until you can say it from this space. I love you means I'm here. You matter. We are important. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere, and I only want you. I'm here. I'm present to this relationship. I'm present to this relationship. You matter. That means your feelings are at par with my own feelings. That's what you matter means. Your feelings are important to me. We are important. That means the relationship is a separate entity. There's a you, there's a me, but there's a separate entity of the we, and we're going to do whatever it takes to forge a solid relationship with one another. I've got your back. You know what, if you need a ride at the airport at 4 AM, either one of you, I've got your back. I'm going to be there for you. I've got to go to colonoscopy. I miss being in relationship with someone, because if they were with me, they would go with me. I'm not going anywhere. That means I'm all in, good or bad, I'm going all in. And I only want you. That means I just want to fuck your brains out on a regular basis. I don't need to be on Instagram or porn sites or whatever to get off. I just want to get off with you. I'm here. You matter. We're important. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere. And I only want you. So how long should you wait? When you can say that, when you can each say that to each other and mean it, that's when you say it. That's when you know you're in love. Michelle, did that help? I hope it did. Thelma House Street Ranch Ministries. Question. He's been married five times all over the internet. He's getting back to me. I do not trust him romantically. I offered him a business relationship for one year waiting to hear from him. And on 10, OK. I don't know what your question is, but if you don't trust someone, why do you want to even invest money with someone you don't trust? I find that fascinating. I find that fascinating. Lisa's in the house. A lot of dating apps like Match let you do video date. Exactly. I don't worry. I ain't worried about it right now. Sandy says, I understand about not asking a good-looking woman out, but we sit home a lot. And then there's always done that we don't have a date. I guess I just need to be asking them out first. By the way, if a great-looking woman asks me out, I'm not going to say no. Well, I mean, I'm going to want to find out some particulars to see if we're alignment. But trust me, you know what? If you've got a guy you want to ask out, ask him out. You know, I ain't worried about it right. Danielle, that song is stuck in my head. My boyfriend and I live abroad together. At times, he comments on my appearance. Example, thin lips, slightly deviated septum. Is this a red flag? By the way, everyone says, I'm more good-looking than him. You know, criticism is a killer to a relationship, criticism. And it usually comes from an insecure place when a person criticizes you, particularly for looks. Maybe he senses that all your friends think you're better-looking than him and he has an insecurity. So you didn't really actually have a question. Oh, wait, is this a red flag? Yes, everything is a, that's a red flag. Yeah, red flag simply means, so you got to ask yourself, is it a deal breaker? See, is it a deal breaker to you? But acceptance means accepting a person warts and all. And occasionally look at sometimes criticisms come out, but it's only if it's consistent that I would be really, really worried about it. Occasionally, sometimes our shadow comes out and rears its ugly head, you know? But if it's sparingly, if it's just an occasion, I don't know if that's worth throwing away a relationship, I would certainly have a conversation about how that makes you feel. You know, ladies, let me see which book I have. Okay, well, two books. Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. In addition, I hear you, the surprisingly simple skills behind extraordinary relationships. Learning to express your feelings in a non-confrontational way allows for him to step into his feelings. You know, sweetheart, I appreciate so much about you and I just wanna share something with you that gives me anxiety. Is it okay if I share it with you? Ask permission. You know, when you make, you know, observations that I have thin lips or a deviated septum, it hurts my feelings or my feelings get hurt. Or let me reframe that. When you do that, I feel sad. I feel less than. And I know you care about me, so would it be okay if you could refrain from that kind of language towards me? Because I know you wanna have a good relationship between the two of us. And could it be, is there something that's bothering you that you have been unwilling to share with me? Danielle, that might be a way to approach it. And if you want to go back and rewind this at the 37 minute mark and, you know, or read these books to learn how to communicate what you're feeling in a way that can land on him and maybe the two of you have the possibility of mending this difference. Is folks, is this sinking in? If that resonated with you, let me know, say Jonathan, thumbs up. Lexi says, dating is salesmanship on both sides. You have to put yourself out there, indeed. Jack Lean says, thank you for shining a light that is specific to my age group. I'm really enjoying my transactional relationship. It works so well because I stopped chasing and started allowing and appreciating the way to go. I'm not a big fan of transactional relationship. Let's keep. All right, Billy Holt. Jonathan, question ladies, do you think Jonathan would look good with a Van Dyke? I used to have one. I'm, you know, my, okay, folks, I do not have gray here, okay? I do have gray here, okay? This is totally gray. It doesn't look good on me. So it does, the contrast just does not look good. So, but thank you. That's, by the way, if you have any more personal questions of me, write the words personal question and I'll answer any personal questions you have. Or if you wanna join the hot seat, hit that link right there. Sandy is in the house. I asked partner for more time together throughout the week and he was upset with my request. We saw each other once, maybe twice every other week. Why do guys hate this request? Cause they're non-committal to you because they want a beck and call girl. They want someone at their availability. That's not partnership. Ladies, if the penis gets to go inside the vagina on a regular basis, then you have every right to make as many, make requests that are reasonable to the forging of a relationship. If you haven't read the book, eight dates by doctors, John and Julie Gottman, Sandy, read this book, establish the kind of relationship you seek. If the penis is inside the vagina on a regular basis, you have every right to make requests. There's a saying, women give wife duties at girlfriend prices. You know, if you're not standing up for what you want, then he's the wrong guy. Probably already is, but you're not willing to break from it. Diane, how much do you have to say thank you when the guy pays to be believed that you appreciate their effort? I had a guy insinuate that I never said thank you and I felt like he was wrong. Okay, great question. So, okay, everybody, I want you to replace the words thank you from your repertoire. And I want you to begin to say the word, use the words, I appreciate you. I appreciate your efforts. I appreciate that you treated for dinner. I'm grateful that you took the time to make arrangements and that you paid for the date. I'm grateful. I'm in much gratitude for your effort. Replace the word thank you. Thank you is hollow. You see, we hear thank you when we say thank you to the barista for the cup of coffee. We say thank you to the person at the grocery store for ringing up our groceries. You see, thank you is hollow. Replace it with words of appreciation. Replace it with the words gratitude and grateful. That would be my request I am, okay? Hey, Jenelle is wants to be on the hot seat. Hi. Hi, you've been on before, right? I have been on before. So thank you for letting me back on here. All right. All right. So first off, when I was on before, I misspelled your name. So sorry about that. And second, here is my question. I tried to type it, but it took up too much space. So in relationships, it seems to me at the beginning, I am more confident in voicing my opinions and what I want, that kind of stuff. And then the more time goes by, I become more timid. And it's every time. And that seems so backwards and really bad. No, it's not. Oh, okay. Because in the beginning, well, let me jump in. Because in the beginning, you don't give a shit. Exactly. I mean, let me rephrase that. You know what? And I'm saying that a little tongue in cheek, but you're not attached to the outcome. You're not attached to this person. But most importantly, the minute you become vulnerable to another human being, you know, it's scary. You know, the minute you open your heart to another person that's rather scary because on some level, they have the power to destroy it. They have the power to rip it apart and burn it at the fire pit. I'm exaggerating, of course. I'm with you. So one of the chapters, you know, it's interesting. My son Connor, the one who passed away, the chapter five in the book is called, hold on a second. What page is it on? 39. So read what that says. Don't let anyone f with your cheek. Yeah, okay. So what that means is retaining your power in a relationship, it starts by working on non-attachments. In other words, and I'm not saying that we don't come attached to another human being, but we work on not being so attached that if it doesn't work out, you know, we're gonna still be okay. And don't let anyone fuck with our cheek. It's like really, it's also, don't let yourself fuck with your cheek. What that means is you retain your power, the way you did in the beginning through the middle. Now, of course, the more attached you become to someone, it's gonna be more difficult, but this is where learning healthier communication techniques with one another pays dividends by building a relationship that's built on trust through, you know, through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together. The more trust you build with another human being, the safer we feel to communicate with them. But I feel like there's something deeper in your question that you're not asking. So what is it that you're really asking? Well, so I'm not sure really. What I was going to ask you is if you have, I don't know, like techniques or something, like for me to stop doing that, you know, or for me to keep my power, you know, cause it's every time the further it goes. I want you to write this down in every, but someone put this in the chat box. I want you to write after my broadcast. I want you to go on YouTube. I want you to type in, stop it, Bob Newhart. Here, we'll do it together. So here, bear with me one second. Now, this is a little tongue in cheek, okay? Stop it. Okay. Do you see this video that came up? Here, wait. Oh, that's, I didn't want it to start. I didn't want the, okay. See that woman right there? She says six minutes and five seconds. She says, stop it, Bob Newhart. Now, this is a very, by the way, you look like her. Look at her. Look, you look like her twin. That's pretty. So I want you to type, I want you to watch it. It's a funny tongue in cheek. So what's stopping is a metaphor for self-discipline. You know, if you were walking down a street and you saw a hole in the sidewalk, are you gonna walk into it, or are you gonna walk around it? Like if you know your issue, then discipline says, I'm going to, I'm not gonna fall in the hole. So this takes willpower. There is no magic. By the way, this is where a lot of fantasy is in personal development. I mean, I've been at this, I'll be candid with you. I'd say, Reed began my journey in 2006, 2007. So what is that? That was 17 years ago. And for the first decade, I was like a snail's pace of improvement. But little by little, each, it was like peeling a layer of an onion. It was like the thinnest skin at first every single day. It began becoming more accelerated when I was intentional at really being mindful and learning how to regulate my emotions. But this isn't like one simple thing. It's literally peeling a layer of an onion every single day. So avoiding the impulse to step into the hole, or in your case, it would be to the impulse to hide your voice. You know, I want to invite you to the opposite. Do practice speaking up in small ways, speak up in small ways. And if you build that muscle of speaking up in small ways, do you get what I mean by speaking up in small ways, you know, and things that aren't as scary and the more you do it, the more you do it, the more you do it, the more you do it, then you will feel more confident when you start expressing yourself from, this is how I feel. Most people point the finger and it's you, you, you, you. But when we begin to learn how to speak from I statements, this is how I feel. Not that you make me feel this way, this is how I feel when this happens. Right, right. Well, thank you for letting me back on and thanks for. You're welcome. You've got great energy. You've got this. I just want to come and pinch your cheeks kind of energy. You're so adorable. Thank you. Excuse me. I watched another one of your videos today real quick. I'm sorry and then I'll get off your screen. It was you and another girl. It was on your, it was on her channel. It was a, I don't remember her name. Anyway, it was a very spiritual talk. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You mentioned the, the whole, the awareness, the whole in the street analogy. That was cool. I like that. Yeah. By the way, so what I was describing for everybody is I learned it from, and let me share it with everybody real quick. I learned this from Wayne Dyer. I didn't learn it from him personally watching a video. So you're walking down the street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. You fall in, you're lost, you're helpless, but it isn't my fault. It takes a long time to get out. The next day you're walking down the same street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. This time you see it, you fall in, you're lost, your hope, you're helpless, but it isn't my fault. It takes a long time to get out. The next day you're walking down the same street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. You see it there. You fall in. It's a habit. It's your fault. You get out quickly. The next day you walk down the same street. You see that deep hole in the sidewalk. You walk around it. And the next day you walk down the same street, or you walk down a different street. The point is the holes in our sidewalk are our negative patterns, our limiting beliefs, our fears, our judgments, our resentments. The minute we take ownership of it, that's 80% of it because even if you fall in, you can get out quickly. And that's my invitation for you in this particular case. Well, thank you. Canelle, thank you for allowing me to pontificate for a moment. I really appreciate it. I do too. My Leo Ego loves it, so I'll just own it. Anyway, I'm saying that tongue in cheek. Can I reach into the camera and give you a big gigantic chocolate and bear hug? Yes, thank you. Thanks so much. Be well. Thanks, bye. Thanks, bye now. Wow, that was fun. See? I'm not so bad. Let's see what we have in the way of questions. I know I missed a lot of your questions. Ellie says, thumbs up, thank you. Thelma says, I tried, I am tired of dumping wealthy men. How can I get them to take me seriously? Why are you stuck on wealthy men? How do you take someone seriously? When you forge a relationship right from the very beginning with radical honesty, laying your cards on the table and the rules of engagement, that's how you get someone to begin to take you seriously. But I would say also taking yourself seriously too. That's too complicated of a question to kind of answer in this format. All right, Mel Stiller, what's your advice on dating in your early 70s? Non-attachment. The reality is as we age, that pool is complex. You know what my advice is for you 70s? Go to retirement communities, go to assisted living facilities, where else? Go where 70s hang out, pickleball, pickleball. Seems like it's all filled with a bunch of 70-year-olds. Gary and from the golden bachelor is a big pickleballer and he's 72. Go play pickleball, that's my advice. Billy says, thank you for taking my question. You're very welcome. I don't worry about it right now. Annette wrote, this isn't a question, but she wrote, dated one who did nice things for me, but would always tell me how much work it was, made me feel like I was doing something for him, which was such an inconvenience. Sometimes gratitude, never enough for some. That is true. We have a lot of emotionally wounded people. If you haven't seen my chart, folks, this is not a fact, it's merely an opinion. But I roughly say that emotional maturity relationship skills, roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues. And while I say 20% are healthy, I'm being very generous, most everybody is dysfunctional. Myself included in that category. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Elizabeth's in the house. Sent him, sent this to him. Maybe it won't work out, but maybe seeing if it does will be the best adventure ever. I sent him, I sent a guy I thought liked me and ignored me communicating since mid-September, now high and dry. I don't know what the question is there, but hey, great job making effort, that's awesome. By the way, earlier I mentioned the video, Stop It by Bob Newhart. Aurora says, oh my God, I know that episode. My prayer minister told me about that. It's great and really helped me. Yes, Stop It, Bob Newhart. It's the funniest thing. I ain't worried about it right now. Janet says, Jonathan, the I statements are true. I agree. Wayne Dyer is cool, I agree. Rest in peace, Wayne Dyer. Let's keep going. Lexi says, my mom dates and she's 78, several dates a month from online dates. I had a client 75 years old. I swear to God, she had five boyfriends. I mean, she was like Betty White. I mean, great, by the way, great body. I mean, she was in great shape. I mean, she did Pilates and yoga. I mean, she was, I mean, just phenomenal. She had all these guys, I couldn't keep up with her. She was like a machine and she met them all online. She was picky, she wanted guys in good shape too. So I get it. Elizabeth says, I have a consult with a somatic, somatic physiology psychology that, wait, that practices, God, I don't know what that is. I'm a big believer in somatic therapy if I'm properly pronouncing it. So folks, Google that somatic therapy. I highly recommend checking it out. It is basically getting it out of your body, all the stored up shit that's stored in our body, our emotional shit that's stored up in our body. Hey, I wanna give props to Miss Cole for the $10 Super Sticker. Big hugs, $10. Okay, now our goal is $40 left for the evening, send some love. I ain't worried about her right now. Leo's are dangerous smiling men. One tried to strangle me, a lawyer so jealous I could not go outside. You know what? I'm a Leo. I kinda take offense to that. I take offense to labeling a complete group. A group of people without knowing everybody in that group. I just take offense to that. That's my opinion. I ain't worried about it right now. That song is just stuck in my head. I'm gonna go watch it as soon as we wrap up. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Elysian says, I love your con, I put your name by the way or Elysian Fields. Love your content, look forward to listening to your programming in the future, thank you. I found myself laughing in the commercial way, presented your message. You know what's interesting folks? So I'm not funny by the way. I mean, generally speaking, I'm not the funniest guy in the room but there's something about the absurdity of our current dating environment that allows me to draw attention to this absurdity. You know, there's a saying by Dr. Seuss. Can someone write this down? Life's a little weird and we're all a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up in mutual weirdness and call it love. Life's a little weird and we're all a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them in mutual weirdness and call it love. That to me is the best example of love. When you can be your weird self, and when I'm on my YouTube videos, I'm my weird self, when you can be your weird self with someone and they still love you for it. Did you ever see the movie when Harry met Sally? Does anyone remember how Sally ordered food? I'd like to have the meatloaf, but if it has gravy, I'll have the gravy on the side. I'm making up this part of it. I'll have gravy on the side. And if there's a Caesar salad, if it has croutons, I'd like to have it on the side. And I'd like to have ice cream all the mode. But if you can't warm up the ice cream, I'd like to have cherry pie and blah, blah, blah. And Harry looks at her and goes, oh my God, she's fucking neurotic. At the end of the movie, he rushes to her on New Year's Eve and he says, I love it that you think 71 degrees is cold. I love it that it takes you an hour and a half to order a ham sandwich. I love it the way your nose crinkles every time you get stressed out. I love it that you're the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning and then you're the last person I think of when I go to bed. And when I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, I rushed here to tell you. See, he originally called her high maintenance, but what he really realized is she's neurotic, but her neurosis was made her adorable because she had good qualities as well. And I think that's what we're all looking for, to avoid. So, okay, I'm gonna address this question. I wasn't going to because I was gonna wrap up for the evening. Question, hope it's not too personal. Do you think you and Marie moved in together too fast? So I've been pondering that question lately as well. Did we move in together too fast? We had been dating for five months before we moved in together. The thing was, we were engaged in a long distance dating dynamic and I was very clear from the very beginning I didn't wanna do long distance. And she originally implied that she was looking to move to Los Angeles. That's why she was doing searches in Los Angeles. And we spent a year on and off talking to one another before we physically met. So by the time we met, we had a sense of familiarity with one another. And we spent a significant amount of time together over the course of a month or two before we made the decision to move in together. Now, hindsight is always 2020, but I believe we both agreed if we were going to see if this would relationship would work, we'd have to be near each other. So, except for, and by the way, it could have been a disaster. I guess in hindsight, by the way, it was the greatest blessing of my life. She brought so much clarity to me. She brought so much, we brought so much, I believe good things to one another that the fact that it didn't work out is okay because we left the relationship better than where we started as human beings. Am I sad? Yeah, I'm sad. And there's great things about her. There was things I didn't like about her either and there was things about her she didn't like about me. But the end of the day, you know what, I appreciate, we went all in, we tried. She went all in the best she could. I went in all the best I could. And even though it didn't work out, it prepared us for what I believe is gonna be my next relationship that I believe will be truly juicy, delicious, healthy, and happy. And I feel as though I have greater clarity. The word fast is irrelevant. It is what it is. I can't go back in time to change it. Do I regret it? Apps are fucking lutely not. I am beyond grateful. She is an amazing human being. I hope she feels the same about me. And I wish her all the best going forward. So the answer is no, because it was exactly what we both needed. Is that sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Okay, let's ask, do you miss your previous apartment? Hell no, I'm in a much nicer condo. It's furnished bitchin'. It's got more space. I have a studio. I've got this amazing view, not that I didn't have amazing view before. No, I am grateful that she, you know what she did? She actually helped me upgrade my life. That's one of the gifts she got me. Just as simple as little things like how to clean and do stuff. It's just these little things that has made such a significant difference in my life. Hey Annette, thank you for the $20 Super Sticker. That means we collected $30. We've got $20 more to go. We're about to wrap up. Send me some love. Jill says, do you still do your quiet Saturday morning videos? I will get back into it, but I do my Sunday morning videos that I do not curse on my Sunday morning videos. I ain't worried about it right now. Liz says, that's really nice, Jonathan. Thank you. Wait a minute. You and Marie learned a lot. Oh my God, we learned so much from each other. One of the greatest blessings in my life. Gigi said, Marie got you out of the Fratboy T-shirts will forever be grateful to her. But I get a lot of people that wish I had it back. But yeah, you know, I got out of that. You know what? She helped me up level my life. There's more. There's things I don't wanna share because they're personal to us, but she definitely helped me up level. Lisa says, Marie got you out in the world visiting new places. Yeah, I got to see new place. I went to Bogota, excuse me, I went to Cartagena, Columbia. I went through the Panama Canal. I went to Guatemala. I went to Jamaica, just to name a few. She really helped me upgrade my life. Sandy says, positive change is always great. Thank you. Tia says, Marie is awesome. Yeah, she really is. She's a special lady. I do miss her. I'd be lying if I didn't, but I don't miss her from a anxiety place. It's just there were things that were so, I miss the things that I liked about each other. Plus I miss sleeping with someone. Plus I miss fucking too, God. Oh, Jonathan, you said a dirty word. Yes, I miss making love. God, I can't wait to meet my life partner so I can have regular sex together. Can anyone relate? Please let me know. All right, folks, this would be a great place to wrap up. Hope you found value in this video. If you did, post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell. And I'm gonna sign up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic, Jonathan Barrick of Self Love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone. Pat Teddy Bearer Pillow and give Iter them a hug of love. His hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Marcy and J.L. and Brian and Lexi and Lisa. Mel and Melanie and True Morris and Janet and Tia and Sandy and Elizabeth and Papa Gigi and Billy and Janelle and Elizabeth. I already said that. Paul, thank you. Beach Lover, Fran, Tia, I already said that. Stacy, everybody, big hugs. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.