 Libra Brothers Company makers of swan the soap with the exclusive super-creamed blend presents Our friend swan with my friend Irma Starring Mary Wilson is Irma and Kathy Lewis is Jane Friendship friendship Just a perfect friendship when other friendships have been forgot There's will still be hot When I came to New York, I lived alone in a boarding house It wasn't bad, but before long I was talking to myself right then and there I decided to find a roommate That's how I happen to be living with Irma Peterson now. I have someone to talk to you know the conversation made more sense When I was talking to myself For instance a few minutes ago, I said Irma, you know, I don't think those wall brackets give us enough light Why don't we buy a bridge lamp and Irma said a bridge lamp, but Jane, what if we want to play gin rummy? Things I never answer I just pretend I'm back in the boarding house living alone Or to steady my nerves. I pick up a newspaper and read Jane yes, Irma. What are you doing with the newspaper? Yes, honey. It's just an article on psychology as applied to marriage Well, it must be wonderful psychology. No marriage What's it say? It's just a series of questions designed to see if a girl and the man of her choice are suited for each other Well, isn't that unusual? No, why should it be? Well when Alan I sit in the sofa He never asked me any questions and we get along fine Well, honey, you know, there's more to it than that this article approaches the problem of compatibility with scientific Introspection. Oh, that's nice. What did I say Irma? Something about an inspection, but I didn't get it Well, let's just forget the whole thing Oh Jane, please please read me some of the questions because I've been very worried about how Alan I will get along after We're married. Oh Irma, are you still thinking seriously of marrying that unemployed moocher? What can I do Jane? I love him. Ever since I've known him I've been in a trance. Oh come now You have known him that long. I Mean well honey, you know if you're really worried about how the two of you will get along Won't you try this test on yourself? Oh, I want to Jane. Please read it to me. All right, sweetie Let me see Does the man you intend to marry keep appointments? Is he punctual punctual why Alan's in line for his unemployment check even before the office is open? Mark down one one. Yeah now is he the type of man you would ever be ashamed to be seen with no because we never go any place No, no honey if you want to take this test now, you've got to be honest with yourself now What do your friends think of Al? What do I care? I can get new friends Well, you better give yourself a zero on that one. She's just like school. I'm getting zeros again And what's the next question Jane? Do the two of you like to participate in sports? Well, I like swimming and tennis Yeah, and what about Al? Jane is tilting pinball machines in sport They catch you yes, and you may have to sprint up a few alleys Irma so far you see you and I'll have very little in common psychologically speaking Well, there must be something that attracted us to each other. I know what attracted Al to you. What you've got a job Look now Irma just prove it to yourself now answer the questions. They have here honey. Do you like dancing? Yes, does your boyfriend? No, do you like to go to the theater? Yes does your boyfriend only when he has a pass? Well according to this psychological test the two of you just don't click maybe you're right Jane Lately I've been having my doubts too. Yeah, what are you gonna do about it? Well Al will be here any minute and I'm going to give him one more chance either he will change or this is the end Well, that's up to you honey Come in Hello Jane. Hi chicken Hello Al, honey Well, I've got to run along kids. Hey hold it Jane you mean you don't even want to hear about my new deal Can't wait You will love this It's a racing form printed on a large cookie. So after a day at the track you still got something to eat Sounds good, huh? I can only say if you find you have anything in common with this man Get rid of it It's an oldie day. She ain't ever got a woman to any of them Al I would like to go to the theater tonight. Will you please take me chicken? Why this sudden request Al? It's very important for us. You see you and I are psychological cases What are you talking about chicken Al? Please take me to the theater. Well chicken Why can't we just sit here on the sofa and discuss world politics? Sist, you take me to the theater. But honey, I haven't got a pass They got a big door man And to clinch it they're painting the fire escape Well, let's pay our way in. Hey chicken you are tampering with my principles There's no use Al. We have nothing in common. We might as well face it. You and I need a scientific inspection What? We're not combustible Don't you mean compatible? What's the difference what I mean? We're just not meant for each other Chicken you mean that? Yes Al Let us just consider this experience and interlude a motel on the highway of life Chicken you're nuts. That's beside the point This is the end and I think we should break completely Well chicken, I don't know what to say But if you think you'll find more happiness with another Here's your ring back Thanks Al And here's a pawn ticket for the one you promised me Maybe you'll change your mind someday Well, goodbye armor You're a swell kid I won't ever forget you just passed Al in the hall and you Oh honey, you're crying. Don't feel sad sweetie Can't help it Jane. I always feel sad when I'm crying Now listen Irma the worst is over now. You must try to forget it. Believe me. It's for the best I know you're right Jane, but I never had a man walk out on me before That's silly. He didn't walk out on you. You walked out on him. How can you say that? I'm still here Oh now look honey don't carry on so you know you're really in an enviable position You have the whole world before you you're footloose and fancy-free footloose and fancy-free sure Now come on. You dry those tears. Let's have a smile. Come on. Come on. Now. Let me hear you laugh That's more like it honey be gay. It's only me professor Kropatki Hello, Jane and Irma my two little jigsaw puzzles One complete and one a few pieces are missing Professor excuse me a little joke. I picked up in a toy store What's new Irma? What's this professor? I'm footloose and fancy and it's free. Oh professor Alan Irma have parted and she's trying to be gay Oh, so it finally happened. I knew it would someday Don't feel too badly Irma. Oh, I remember when I broke up with that nagging wife of mine She went out and found somebody else Did the new fellow make her happy? No, he made me happy. He beat her up every day My professor, it's only a little kidding to cheer Irma up Irma my little bit of honey, you've got to learn to face the unpleasant things of life too Take that the room I live in upstairs It's full of bats and mice and rats and the rain comes through the roof But do I take a gloomy view? No Where else can a man go hunting and swimming without getting out of bed? I'm afraid I'll miss out now look Irma before I go I want you to remember an old saying a stitch in time will save nine Well, how does that apply to me? It don't this is a slogan for taylors But there's a very old saying I like It takes a heap of living to make a home. Well, well, I think I'll go up to my home and clean out that heap so I can live in it I made a mistake. I'll never find another man like Al No, you made a decision Irma. Don't be a weakling. Guess you're right Jaina I'm just going to look around for someone else Who can that be? Maybe it's Al coming back. Come in Hello, dairy. Oh amber lip scot. What a surprise. Uh, you remember my roommate Jane? Yeah You mind if I take my shoes off. Irma my feet are killing me If you don't mind, I think I'll leave. What's the matter, dairy? Ain't you never seen feet before? Yeah, but not in such quantities I'll see you later, honey Gee Ain't it wonderful the way we hate each other? But that's not important. You know why I rushed over dairy Look Oh amber an engagement ring 14 carat gold. Oh amber. What a beautiful setting. Yeah next year. I get the stone I wish you all the happiness in the world. So what this town is crummy with guys Look Irma, if you want a fella do like I did right to the Lonely Hearts Club Lonely Hearts Club Sure, they got stuff lying all over the place Quickly confidential they give you a number and if you're lucky like me they don't ask for a picture Oh, you mean I could get a number if I wrote to them. That's right, dairy. Nobody uses a name look say Say you're number 12 Then the fella might be number 34 and all male goes right to a box So he don't even know where you live and vice-a-vice. Gee. Do you think I ought to try? Dearie, don't waste no time inflation is coming. You don't know what you'll get Just do like I say, huh? All right amber. I'll do anything to meet some new fellow Oh, you can't miss dearie and wouldn't it be wonderful if my husband and I ran into Al someday and I could say Al congratulate me. I'm mrs. 94 Say ladies would you like to have a luxurious mink coat? Well, then find out about the exciting lever brother's 100,000 dollar fur contest Hello, oh, hello daddy say listen, how would you like to have a real mink coat? No, I'm not kidding. You really can get one by winning one of the lever brother's fur contest Well, all you do is tell why you like swan soap, luxe flakes, luxe toilets, soap life, boy, rinse, sew or spray How long will the contest last? Well, there's going to be one each week for five weeks and we can enter as many times as we want to Well, I have to dash turn on your radio right now and you'll hear more about it. Bye There are 1645 prizes in all 329 each week in this $100,000 contest each week the following prizes will be awarded one gorgeous $3,000 mink coat three $1,000 fur coats five smart $500 fur jackets as well as many other prizes of valuable furs and cash And ladies you may choose your own coat at your favorite store when you win or you can have the cash Now here are the rules in 25 words or less tell why you like any of these six lever products swan soap, luxe Luxe toilet soap life boy rinse-o or spray And close a wrapper or box top from one of them Print your name and address and the name and address of your dealer. He'll help you Also, be sure to get your entry blank from him. It will give you all the information you need Mail your entries to lever fur contest box one New york eight new york be sure to get your entry blank from your dealer tomorrow that address lever brothers company fur contest Box one new york eight new york You may win a luxurious fur coat or cash. So start writing your letters tonight Irma has enrolled in the Lonely Hearts Club I don't know why she did it, but I suppose it was good enough for amber lipscott. It's good enough for Irma So already she has a number 75 Irma's kind of worried about her number She's afraid if she signs her letter 75. She won't get a man under 80 So I explained that the number has no personal significance and right now Irma's writing her first letter to the club It'll be forwarded to some unknown man Dear to whom it may concern I am a lonely girl. My heart is broken I have blonde hair and blue eyes and nice legs and would like to meet a man in the same condition No, no, sweetie. No What's wrong? Well, you uh, you put all your eggs in that basket, but they're scrambled You you better let me help you sweetie. All right Jane good Um Dear sir, I am 22 years old Blonde considered attractive and I'm quite lonely I should like very much to make the acquaintance of a gentleman who is also lonely now sign it With best wishes and all my love 75 PS this has nothing to do with my age. No No, sweetie. Just just sign it. Sincerely number 75. All right Jane. Uh, do you think I should spray a little perfume on it? You know the bottle I'll gave me Irma. I have smelled that perfume Will not only keep men away, but also mosquitoes No, honey, you you just mail as it is. All right Jane Hello girls. Oh, hello, Mrs. O'Reilly this letter just came for you Irma I didn't mean to peek, but it says Lonely Hearts Club on the envelope. Oh, it's here, but Irma. I don't understand What about you and I'll uh, they broke up. Oh, well Irma darling don't feel too badly Yeah, go on honey. Go on read the letter from the Lonely Hearts Club. I'm just dying of curiosity. Go on. All right My dear miss 75 in answer to your letter I too am lonely. What can we do about it? Signed 33322. Oh Jane, that's a wonderful number. What do you mean wonderful? We'll have a big family I don't follow you sweetie. Well in poker three threes and a pair of twos is a full house I know Irma, but don't go jump into conclusions. You don't even know this man. Oh miss O'Reilly I'm so excited imagine getting an answer so quickly It's only me again Hello girls. Why do you all look so happy? Irma has a new boyfriend Wonderful Irma. What's his name? Irma Convict Listen to me go back to Al at least he wasn't caught yet No, no professor. Irma's been corresponding through the Lonely Hearts Club and everyone has a number Oh Congratulations Irma and take the advice of an old man Find out what the man is like right away before you get involved Oh, I'm going to but first of all I'm going to find out one thing if he has a job You know what? I just went through with my ex Your ex Yes, I want to even forget his name Of course, my ex was very sweet to me And my ex made me happy And I love my ex I dreamed of that day I work Irma you're slipping now remember. Oh, yes. I must be gay Ha ha ha ha ha Now honey, there's no time to waste. Come on. Let's answer the letter. All right Come on, Mrs. O'Reilly. They want to be alone. Let's you and I run around the block. Oh, that's silly Who's going to run around the block? You are you'll ask me for the rent and when I give you my answer I guarantee you'll chase me around the block So let's start now. Goodbye and good luck Irma All right, honey. Let's get started with your letter Finish a letter and I'm proofreading it for it. It says Dear 3 3 3 2 2 Do you mind if I call you dear 3 2? I feel I know you well enough to call you by your initials I was thrilled to get your letter and I hope you turn out the way I picture you Of course your writing is very small Are you short? I hope not because I'm considered the right height for 5 feet 4 I wouldn't want anyone shorter than 5 feet 4 and a half because I want someone I can look up to What else is new? Have you got a job? I have and hoping to hear the same from you. I remain affectionately 75 Yes, sir, what can the Lonely Hearts Club do for you? Well, my name is Al. My number is 3 3 3 2 2 I'm corresponding with a girl number 75 any mail for me. I look in the box Oh, yes, here's a letter for you 3 3 3 2 2 By the way, how are you getting along with your correspondence? Well, frankly the dame seems a little cracked But I'm so anxious to get over this lump in my heart You know the girl I love jilted me that I'll I'll try anything. Oh, here you are. Good luck Now for the past three days, I've been hearing nothing but 3 3 3 2 2 and 75 until it's just coming out of my ears You know if those two ever get together, I think they'll have to be married by a bookkeeper But of course since the letter that Irma's expecting today should contain valuable information about her new phantom boyfriend I was just as excited as she was when she said Jane Jane the letter it came Oh, isn't that wonderful? Come on, honey. Read it. No, you read it to me. I'm too excited. All right. I will Dear 75 Thank you for your letter. I was hoping the girl I was corresponding with was a vassar graduate But it seems quite impossible since I noticed you spelled considered with a k However, none of us is perfect He spells perfect p-e-r-f-e-k Oh go on Jane. All right You asked me have I got a job Well 75 as number to number Let me inform you that I have worked hard and steadily all my life as head of a big steel corporation And now I'm prepared to retire. How are you fixed financially? I am perfectly healthy tall and so handsome. It's disgusting Yours devotedly 3 3 3 2 2 What do you think Jane? I don't know sweetie. This is either a genius or a crackpot But anyone should be an improvement over Al. I beg your pardon your ex. Shall I answer him? You know, I think it's about time you met him. All right, Jane. I'll write him to come up here No, no, honey not for two reasons. First if you don't like him, you know after you've met him We don't want him hanging around here and secondly we want to make a good impression on him Well, how do I go about that? Yeah Well, richard and I are having dinner at the palpio club tomorrow night. He can be our guest But how will he recognize me? Well, uh, right that you'll wear a green hat But what if someone else is wearing a green hat? He's liable to marry the wrong girl Yeah Well, tell him that you'll leave your number with the head waiter and I'll read will bring it to our table All right, Jane. I'll sit down and write him a letter right away Yeah, honey and listen in your letter try to make yourself attractive show an interest in what he's doing Well, if he's in the steel business, what can I say? I don't know Say Well say that you realize that Steel is the backbone of this country and that you're fascinated by blast furnaces and trust he finds you interesting I got it. Now. What are you going to write? It must be interesting to steal blast furnaces I trust you will like me because I have one of the nicest backbones in the country Hold it honey. Just just hold it. Just invite him to dinner at the Papio Club At the Papio Club Richard myself and number 75 We're waiting for 3 3 3 2 2 I must say 75 looks adorable She's wearing a green hat. She's taking no chances On it is a 75 She took a label from a can of Heinz beans and said 57 and reversed the numbers And since this dinner is costing Richard a pretty penny I too am very curious to see what Irma's landed Honey Irma smile. Come on. Look happy I'm sorry. Jane. I was just thinking But Al Now Irma, what did you promise? Ha ha ha ha ha It's better Irma you say this mr. 3 3 3 2 2 is in the steel business. Yes. Well, then I must know him Oh, I'm sure you do. Well, it's going to be wonderful to have dinner with an old friend Oh, sure You know every time we've been out together. I'd look across the table and who would I see? Al Chicken you're wearing a green hat and you're wearing a carnation 75 Al you're not 3 3 3 2 2 Well, I sure am What a roundabout way to get a free meal I'm glad to see you Me too chicken now just a minute out you have your nerve working steady A steel magnet. I don't even know what I wrote. I didn't even know it was Irma All I know is I was going crazy for misioner. Lots of guys turn to drink I turn to the lonely hearts club Oh, well, it's all my fault in that psychological test. Ah, what's the difference chicken? Just wanted you to know I love you and I always will And now jane if you want me to go I'll go Sit down Al Sit down in order No, thanks. I'm not hungry. No wonder you ate half my platter while you were talking Ladies now with swan soap you can get the kind of complexion care you've been dreaming of Sure, because swan's exclusive super creamed blend gives you a wonderful new kind of beauty lather A rich mild beauty lather that cleanses so gently and rinses away so completely Your skin is left fresh smooth and lovely as ever So for perfect complexion care make your regular facial soap super creamed swan soap Well, Irma and Al are back together on the sofa and there's much in love as ever They're making gooey talk He says how's my darling little 75? Oh just fine my great big three three three two two And if that isn't nauseating enough Irma is now making with more numbers 14 No, I don't like that 32 yes 32 and 33 Irma. I know Al is three three three two two and you're 75 What are those other numbers? Oh, I'm just picking out names for the children Oh with language like that, what can I say but 23 skidoo to my friend Irma My friend Irma presented by swan another fine product of lever brothers company was produced and directed by Psi Howard tonight script was written by Psi Howard and park levee frank bingman speaking You bet there's a reason why spry is the cake making wonder Spry has an amazing cake improver secret Try the sure spry one bowl way and be certain of lighter finer richer cakes every time No other type of shortening has spry's cake improver secret for new cake making success rely on spry Pure all vegetable spry with cake improver Rely on spry sb r y Week one hour earlier and listen to the lux radio theater immediately followed by my friend Irma This is cbs the columbia broadcasting system